About Me

Friday, July 21, 2006

Memoir Of A Single Woman


I feel the need to enjoy today. Liza called 2 hours ago giving me the bad news that she unable to escape work because one babi-jahanam-celaka didn’t turn up to work. But she promise to finish up early so that we can go to Oriental City in Colindale to eat Meehoon Goreng. So, to kill time, I took up the responsibility to be a Laundromat woman for the day. I emptied Liza & Lou’s laundry basket and the soldiers are now smartly placed on our indoor clotheslines. I was a bit gutted that my fabric softener ran out and I can’t have my aromatherapy session.

Today is my last day to be known as a single woman. Something might happen tomorrow and I might change my name. I need to make a fuss about today because lots of thing might change after tomorrow. One thing for sure, I can’t lose my freedom because I’m a headstrong woman. If I do, maybe a little amount, speaking about kebebasan untuk keluar menyundal. Things like that.

Living by myself has taught me how to love myself even more. You always have to regard the number one first. If number one is not happy, then do something about it. Always value number one opinion however silly or stupid. If number one is not convinced, then you may ask for other’s opinion. This is gospel.

I have to apologise to some people for whatever reason. For upsetting them, for unable to invite them, for breaking their heart (Angelina Jolie, Hillary Swank, Anuar Zain to name a few) and for all sorts of reason.

I have been concentrating to make my self happy for the last one week. I have to. I have stopped my therapy session because I’m taking a break from my painstaking-training to become a wizard-session for now. Life without someone who care shit about you but is paid to listen to your absolute rubbish are quite disconcerting.

I have been a pain but I’m so glad that my 2 flatmate are still able to put up with me. Our mutual understanding arbitrated our many disputes. But I know deep down, they care and will support me through.

This isn’t easy and has never been. I’m drained, fucked and powerless, at times. I really salute my own perseverance and level of tolerance and because of that, I come this far, much to some people dismay.

I spent half an hour staring at a pic of my ex. How we have love each other so much that the break up hurts. (It hurts me) We don’t speak anymore although I would kill to have a friendship. I tried but at the same time whilst trying, I also read between lines that my effort isn’t mutual. And I stopped. Physically but I’m not sure how I feel about it emotionally. I moved myself on. I succeed. Thank you for making it easy. And I can now finally tell myself that we are just not destined to be together and you will still be in that very special place in my heart.

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