Kinabatangan and Kelantan

It made it to the headlines that Pakcik Kinabatangan ni tengah bergerek dengan Zizie Ezette. Adakah aku kenal dengan Zizie Ezette ni, Kiah? nama macam pernah dengar...I think was she the one yang masa tu berchenta tak hengat dengan penyanyi hensem Cassie Seribu Impian tu?


On the opposite, that Kinabatangan guy, made famous by being a neanderthal in parliment. I wonder what on earth that made this sort of man very appealing to a woman. Dah le tak hensem. Kaya pun dek jadi politician..kalau tak meniaga getah sekerap lah hang, kan?

For a politician yang kununnya berkhidmat untuk rakyat ni, pakcik ni ada masa pulak pi usyar si aktress and to keep up with her, did some modernisation on himself i.e. kaler rambut bagai. I bet you on top of that Pakcik sure lah memakan macam-macam jamu and menghapal all that ayat pemanis muka and penguat jentera (memandai lah I pun...)

Of course both will not comment openly about their relationship. Pakcik tu kata..dia tak cukup hensem for her..and she in return..being kononnya dignified in passing the ball back in his court..that such comments should come from the man. I applaud her sensitivity around sidianya yang dah berbini but weh, Zizie...kalau ia pun chenta tak mengenal usia, reta benda and marital status, surely you pun lawa dari I and Kiah...and apalah salahnya kejelitaan you tu digunakan untuk memancing para-para bujangan yang berharta?

But if they said so, its JODOH..jodoh lah kan...nak buat cemana? (Psssttt...Hello Raja Nazrin...) but I'm sure Zizie can do better than that...carilah yang hensem sikit.

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Well, the luck must have been in TT side...dah lah dia berjaya menyuruh bininya kembali taat (ye lah...) the court also allow him to recoup back the money he gifted her. Tetiba pulak bila orang tu dah melawan..terus jadi hutang ye? So the Kelantan Royal household encourage the practise of buruk siku lah gaya nya. Dah kasi tu..kasi aje lah...I'm sure there's plenty more from that money came from. I suppose he has the rights...so good for him. Kalau dah kawin bertahun and had he be the one yang reject dia I'm sure all the hutang will not be quoted.

More so...bukan duit kau pun TT oiii. Alangkah sakitnya hati kita when shown pictures and articles of the rich and famous expecially all royal household. You would think that they are so rich from their allowance so pepandailah ambik health insurance ke hospital plan ke, and takpayahlah nak tunggu kerajaan negeri bayar. Why wait for the government to pay? Majority of the taxpayer are poorer than the Kerabat diraja. The Royals can buy almost anything...bagi present juta-juta...kereta hilang pun sure tak nangis punya.Kita ni duit £20 tercicir ke, salah letak ke sure sakit hati berminggu-minggu.

Now ni, TT dah nak melawan pulak the Tengku Mahkota. Perlu ke? Kau tu bukannya anak sulung pun. I wonder if adalah Raja yang dapat anak kembar, sure berebut nak naik takhta kan? I wonder why some people yang hidup dah senang takde orang kacau...masih lagi nak mencari susah diri. Kalau I jadi you..I dok dendiam dalam istana and bila orang panggil makan kenduri and potong reben..kita pergi aje lah kan?

Lagipun, kan ke bapak masih sakit? Tak baik tawwwww...bergaduh adik beradik.

Kenapa Aku Hanya Kawan ?

Thanks for all the generous comments from you all on my previous posting. Ada beberapa persoalan yang ditanya yang perlu dijawab..tapi tunggulah dulu nah? Ada benda dalam kepala dan dalam hati yang lebih mustahak yang perlu dikeluarkan dengan kadar beberapa segera ni..kalau tak mau sakit jiwa dibuatnya.

I think I have written (if not) about the good and bad about meng 'google' kekasih lama. I tak lah meng 'google' mamat ni...sebab, dianya pun idoklah glamour sangat sampai boleh ter listed dalam google search. So atas bantuan FB search..I pun sesaja lah mulanya ni..pi search nama dia. Tup-tup..keluar gambar..keluar info.

Sebelum I bercerita dengan lebih lanjut tentang mamat ni...(yang I tak pernah cerita dengan orang) perlulah dingat ye Kiah..just because of this, does not make me a slapper (tetiba lak kan?) So in between few 'transgressions', terselitlah mamat ni.

To begin with, he was pursuing my flatmate. I pulak masa ni baru ditinggal siamang githoo and of courselah ala-ala baru kena cerai, I hanya dok menonton dinding kat rumah aje. This guy suka kat my flat mate, tapi my flatmate masa ni sungguhlah bercita-cita tinggi so dia idoklah melayan sangat mamat ni. Layan tu, layan lah jugak but after few dates agaknya minah ni rasa mamat ni macam tak seswai dengannya, terus dia macam tak layan..and berambus pi States buat master dan meninggalkan jantan ni terkapai-kapai githoo. Dalam pada dia terkapai-kapai, kat apartment I jugaklah dia datang melepak mengadu nasibnya.

We became quite a close friend, so bila I nak service kereta I akan mintak tolong dia...or bila I nak fly jauh-jauh, dia jugaklah akan tolong tengok-tengokkan our apartment, any errands that man can handle semuanya ku bagi kat dia.

Because I pun dah kuciwa berchenta masa tu..I idoklah nak nak mencari penyakit mencari jantan lagi, but now and again, I accepted banyaknya invitation nak keluar bersama githoo. But with this guy, we are just strictly friends sampai bertahun-tahun lama nya.

There was times where I macam terasa aje dia syok kat I..tapi dia tak pernah cakap pun. So sebagai pompuan melayu terakhir aku pun idoklah nak menanya. I never told him about siamang...and also all those men I went out with in rebound.

But after a while, hari kecil ni macam terasa lah jugak..lama dah I kawan dengan dia..and dia ni macam baik aje tak pernah mengambik kesempatan..and I can really tell that he cares, so I thought..I should just gave him a chance. So..we went out quite regularly and he took to meet his adik beradik yang ended up being very friendly with me. Tapi masalah nya..dia tak pernah cakap kat I yang dia syok kat I..walaupun ke attentive an dia tu..sungguhlah menusuk kalbu, Kiah oi.

So..macam menunggu buat deghoyan nak gugur...I sungguh berasa serba salah. Macam buah durian..kalau gugur lambat ambik, orang curi. Kalau tunggu bawah pokok jatuh atas kepala, mau mati kan?

In the end, agaknya I dah terasa macam I pulak yang lebih-lebih mengharap macam pungguk, I decided to play it cool and buat-buat tak heran kat dia.

Agaknya dia pun terasa and one day..he called me and ajak I pi makan...and katanya ada hal penting nak cakap.Masa ni lah dia confessed dia sebenarnya lama dah syiok kat I..tapi katanya dia tak berani nak commit sebab dia berpenyakit katanya. I thought...ohh so touching.

But sebagai seorang Capricorn yang maha practical...I pikir, patutkah aku menunggu until you sort out yourself? I pun naive semacam idok la tanya dia sakit apa. Terminal ke...ada harapan ke nak baik. Pikir-punya pikirrr...nah..I have wasted so much time. So I decided to re-distant myself from him. Even dia hantar email tanya khabar tun I akan jawab dengan sarcastic nya..until I berambus datang UK and never heard from him again. Ye lah kan..dah takde jodoh..although, I am quite fond of him.

When I saw his profile...I send him a quick message...'you still look the same'. Hantar satu..balas 4 you.....

Kegatalan tangan in addition to my curiosity..pi lah tengok album orang tu nah? Wah..dah berbini dan empat anaknya.

Tetiba..............patutnya kita gumbiralah kan berjejak kasih dengan kawan lama.Tak!!! I jadi sakit ati pulak. Dulu, alasan dia tak nak dengan I sebab berpenyakit katanya.

Am I that bad and ugly that he had to used that as an excuse to repelled me?!

Satu hari suntuk I bad mood you......

Update

I have a friend yang dah berlaki dan beranak enam. So her Facebook status updates meriah dengan cerita-cerita anak-anak dia. Anak dia buat tu...anak dia buat ni. If only Facebook was invented jaman I kecik-kecik dulu, I'm not sure what my Mum status updates will be about us.

Anak nombor satu...malas pergi sekolah...

Anak nombor dua...cikgu bagi report dok termenung aje dalam class...(aku le ni..Kiah)

Anak nombor 3,4 & 5..hari ni main pengantin-pengantin..habis mekap, kain langsir cadar and lemari dipunggahnya...

This friend of mine yang beranak enam ni message me recently tanya kenapa I tak kawin lagi. Katanya...yang dah lepas tu, lepaslah...jangan diingat lagi. She was referring tu Siamang. She also said..tahan kau idup sorang. I asked her back...what do you mean by tahan ? Of course bila orang cakap macam tu, more than often is a reference to physical pleasure you can only get by being with another person. Tapi sebab I ni pompuan Melayu terakhir lagi bersopan santun...I pi tanya baalik...what do you mean by tahan?

Dia pun jawab...ohh taktahu ke? Tak tahu tak ape lah...

So memang kompem lah dia maksud kan yang itu kan, Kiah? I was hoping that she was asking about...kau tahan ke hidup sorang diri..takde orang nak menemani githoo...but dizaman 18SX, budak tingkatan satu pun dah pandai rogol orang so jangan haraplah pertanyaan tentang whether or not you 'TAHAN' tu ada unsur-unsur innocent ye?

Most of my married friends takde nya cerita yang sedap didengar about laki masing-masing tu. Ada yang dah beranak 2,3 terus jadi distant husband. Ada pulak lakinya lebih rela pi bercerita hal kekurangan bini kat rakan muda pompuan satu opis daripada berterus-terang dengan bini sendiri...ada tu pulak..mengaku dah separate lah..bercerai lah dengan bini semata-mata nak ayat pompuan lain mencari simpati lah kononnya.

This friend in particular...jaman mudanya sungguh ayu, sekolah pun pandai...tapi lepas kawin, anak dah 3, terus tinggalkan kerja nak besarkan anak and niatnya masa tu nak beri tumpuan penuh pada lakinya. She got that right lah..bila tumpuan dah penuh kat laki..maka rakyat pun bertambah..terus ke enam orang. I guessed what she didn't take into account at that time bila buat keputusan nak berenti kerja nak bagi tumpuan penuh kat laki and anak-anak...is that..will the husband reciprocate the same?

Ye lah...dia derma sperm dia je lah...

There's always this talk about husband and wife should communicate. Ye lah...kalau dia nak makan nasik, dia communicate lah kan? But if you start telling them betapa letihnya badan you terkejar-kejar buat benda tu benda ni sensorang and hint-hint kat dia, what is your contribution in making this work...I bet you have better luck communicate dengan kambing.

Most wives nowadays embarked on special affair with their bibik. The wives are likely to cry bila bibiknya nak berenti. Only they know how you feel. Nak harap laki...while wife depa tu dah naik beruban memikirkan siapalah nak jaga anak ku kalau bibik ni berenti...their answer are likely to be..takpelah, kita cari baru. But leave you to do all the work while they all tu berhempas pulas picit remote control TV kan?

But what I don't understand...macam cerita my friend ni...komplen sokmo...kalau dah tahu laki kita tu rajin sikit aje dari kerbau, why putting up with him? I like to think that men don't have a clue apa yang dalam hati or kepala kita. So kalau dah tak suka...cakap aje lah kan?

Pi cerita kat Facebook sampai satu malaya baca buat apa?

Pastu ada hati lak nak tegur aku...tahan kau tak berlaki...when she obviously nak gantung diri sebab laki dia tak dulik kat dia.

I rasa nak tegur aje my friend ni...but thinking that kami ni pun last bercakap masa ambik result SPM, pastu terus tak jumpa and thanks to Facebook, kita berjejak kasih..kalau ku tegur nanti..she is most likely to say

a) Kau takde anak..kau tak paham
b) Kau takde laki...kau takkan paham...
c) Kita ni..tuhan dah jadikan lelaki blablabla..dan pompuan blablabla....(part ni yang aku tak larat)

So, I opted to be a friend and just said...laaa...kesian nya you.

Restaurant Review........(just)

This is my first attempt to do a restaurant review. Bukannya apa you, after nearly a decade living in London and few years living around England, jarangnya nak jumpa good Malaysian food. I have given up (amboi..sombong nya kata-kata...) on the one in Central London, Mawar ke, MARA House ke and Malaysia Hall dimana distulah tempat orang-orang gomen menyalahgunakan kuasa dan bercakap macam they all tu lah yang punya Jabatan-Jabatan gomen tu. Ada orang cerita kat I, puak-puak ni kalau datang makan tak payar bayar and ada pulak siap BYO ikan mintak orang punya kedai tu masak kan. Ish..ish..ish. Kalau dah kerja gomen dapat datang London 3,4 kali setahun takkan lah miskin kot? And of course lah, orang-orang gomen ini akan dilayan dengan spesial nya...and orang-orang tak gomen macam I ni, dibagi nasik sejuk aje. Another thing yang tak sedap dipandang, Malaysia Hall buat peraturan yang orang bukan Malaysia takleh masuk makan kat Malaysia Hall. Kalau nak masuk pun, kena masuk dengan orang Malaysia aje. So, Hjh Leemah..awok dokleh masuk makang. Awok kan oghang ER? Hehehe...takpo..nanti awok maghi Londeng, awok makang dumoh saya deh?

Ketahuilah oleh kita semua, dalam Londeng ni ada 3 (yang I tahu lah) kedai makan Malaysia yang nama kedainya ada word 'Makan'. Satu kat Richmond, satu kat Shepherd Bush and satu lagi kat Portobello Road. I have been to all 3 of them. So read along.....

Makan-Makan, is a nice humble eaterie, owned by a Chinese Malaysian lady. Because kedai ni adalah dekat dengan rumah and opis nombor 2 I, and bila kengkawan datang and I tengah takde mood nak masak (and I memang nya tak pandai masak) maka, tempat ni lah yang menjadi tempat I menjamu kengkawan I. I must say that although they listed Chinese & Malaysian food in their branding, it is far, far better than Chinese food yang eat all you can buffet £7.99 tu. In fact, the sambal, the rendang and the karipap tasted so original. The owner cum waiter dia pompuan cina yang nama Michelle ni punya PR adalah kelas satu...kalah stewardess MAS yang hanya suka melayan matsalleh aje. Kalau you nak compare dengan Malaysia Hall, maka ianya adalah berbeza macam Gunung Everest dengan Bukit Berapit. Makcik Pakcik Malaysia Hall dah kaya dan berasakan tak perlu lagi nak bermanis-manis muka dan Michelle, agaknya pun dah kaya jugak..tapi tetap memandang kami-kami yang masuk kat kedai dia ni cam lombong emas. The price is reasonable...although orang kaya kat Haverhill tu kata makanan kat Haverhill lagi mahal. So, I sincerely recommend thisn place to you all. Tempatnya takdelah grand mana...tapi food dia sungguh menjilat jari. If there's only setback ialah I don't think the food in there is halal yakni..takdelah halal certificate. So ayam dan dagingnya adalah dikatok dengan kejam. I am not fuss asalkan bukan babi..although sorang student PHD ni (perlu dingat ya..dia ni bukan kawan I, but kawan to my fren ni) yang masa kitorang makan KFC, dia punyalah bersyarah pasal ayam tu tak halal only to be told off by his friend (my friend) dengan ayat-ayat sakti...'eleh...nak makan yang halal aje, tapi isap ko*e gak..'. Wah..terkasimasss aku mendengar nya. So, I rate this restaurant 10 out of 10 lah ye...mind you, they serves karipap panas-panas.

I ni kurang gemar sangat nak ke Portobello Market nun...bukannya apa you all, area ni dekat dengan St Charles. St Charles ni adalah opis I numbor 3 and ramai population clients I dok bermastautin kat St Charles sepital ni. It is a bit too familar for me. Kerja macam I ni, kalau boleh..kalau nak berumahtangga, janganlah sekali berumahtannga kat area dekat dengan opis. Nak pergi kedai pun tak senang nanti. The owner of this shop is a Kedahan. The location is quite near to central London (adalah satu bas aje) and dekat jugaklah dengan tanah jajahan Bayswater ittew, so bila jalan-jalan, maka akan terserempaklah dengan student-student Malaysia yang mega-pandai. I tak tahulah nak cakap apa..but I selalu sangat terserempak dengan student Malaysia yang akan pandang I macam lah I ni orang gaji pilipin. Ke perasaan aku aje Kiah? I nak aje cakap..eleh...I ni awal lagi dah mai UK belajar, but siapalah aku kan Kiah? Master pun takde...degree pun 2nd class.

Okay...I nak tak nak komen lebih-lebih pasal restaurant ni. The owner and me goes loooong way back but I wish them all the best. I dah pernah datang sekali..bukannya makan free pun. Tapi lepas tu macam-macam cerita keluar. Tak apalah...

Compared to the two, ni lah kedai makan yang paling upmarket. Letaknya di Westfield, shopping kompleks yang paling besar kat Europe. Poket I pun koyak besar dek kerna membeli Xmas present. I was told ada kedai Malaysia, so hati I macam berbunga-bungalah.

Price of the food mahal sikit lah dari kedai biasa. Takpelah...interior deco nya chantekkk. MB1 spotted a malay waiter yang berambut blonde and we place our order cakap melayu. The teh and nescafe tarik is nice. The menu is nice and bila mata lapar...otak pun tak berapa waras.

MB1 didn't finished her Mee Kari. I finished all my food in protest (ke kedekut?) and MB2, as always oblivious to what is right and what is not the right taste (in the end, she commented that her food taske like celaka) Inside the bowl of curry mee, amongst the noodles, the udang and the fishballs, in lies the abysmal size of sayur sawi with the trunk sama size nya dengan batang kelapa.

Dengan tak puas hatinya, I tanya kat one of the waiter, do you serves this kind of vegetables? Don't you think the size is against health and safety? People could choke.

Of course, she will passed me as customer yang berlagak, assured me that she'll asked the chef but lepas tu dia pun ghaib tah kemana. I walked to the counter to pay my bill. The cashier asked if I want to put a gratuity on my credit card. I pandang dia. I beg your pardon? You served me a vege that fits an elephant and you're asking me for tip? I don't think so.

Dengan serta merta, kami pun rasa macam nak tukar nama kedai tu jadi 'JOM BERAMBUS DARI SINI'.

I doubt the waiter/waitresses know what they're serving as they just abruptly campak the meal on your table.The Manager is a Chinese man from Hong Kong. There's one Malay waiter and the rest...entahlah datang dari mana.I googled this restaurant and the owner is one Datuk from Malaysia. If he or his konco-konco is reading this....

a) Your food suck

b) Your service is poor

c) Ayam percik is not a grilled chicken breast with layers of kuah satay on top ye...buat malu aje.

d) Your Mee Kari is so cair like air mata....and it travels from Dundee to our table.

Had I not asked, maybe sampai sudah tak tiba-tiba pun.That was the £40 I so resented paying you.

Sekian.

I Really Need To Moan....

I think....(repeat ye..I think) that in the Malay family, it is very important that your parents, siblings and sedara mara ada tauliah mahupun yang takde tauliah to like the person you're going out with or the person you're about to marry.

Lepas kahwin...lain cerita. Janji dah lepas masuk into the family. After that, kalau family laki kita tak suka kat kita, itu they all punya masalah and we, sebagai orang pompuan akan mempropagandakan laki kita supaya beralih arah ke keluarga kita pulak.

I am not the best person to talk and write about this subject. I ni, laki pun takde.Yang dikendung pun terciciran....

But over the years I have witnessed a fair share of family pandemoniums, mak mertua tak suka this menantu, kakak tak suka that adik ipar, and ada pulak tu, seisi keluarga tak suka their new addition in the family.

Family orang putih jarang pulak ada problem cenggitu. Habis-habis pun they will say..oh, I didn't get on with so and so's wife, husband etc, etc. and those people will be crossed of their Xmas cards lists.

Masa mak si F masih idup, she was very pleasant to me. Hantar birthday card, bagi birthday present and in fact, habis seisi keluarga dia bagi I presents.I must have impressed them so much, agaknya aku lah yang membawak anak they all tu ke jalan yang benar (phuwweekkk!!!) I think if they tak suka kat I pun, demi anak mereka tu, they terpaksa suka jua. Jarang orang putih nak masuk campur hal dalam kain anak masing-masing.

I get to know my first brother in law when he came to the house to be introduced to my Mum (my parents lives separately at this time) He made the massive effort. My sister must have pre empted him about me and what I am like (ish..what am I like...buruknya perangai) and it is very obvious that he was focussing in trying to be liked by me. I was in a very vulnerable position at this time. Ye lah..dia tu boipren adik I...a year older than me (that made him 2 yrs older than my sister) and I ni tak kawin lagi masa tu and still tak kawin lagi masa sekarang ni (not to mention...tengah super glamer berkebaya ketat masa ni...kau ada Aking?) tak ke rasa anxious semacam? Macam-macam benda dalam kepala I masa tu. Nak dress up ke or just buat biasa? Kalau bergaya lebih-lebih kang orang kata I nak hambik boipren adik I or manalah tahu boipren adik I tetiba tersuka ke kat I ni...(ke aku aje yang rasa camtu? Ohh...Kiah wouldn't understand...)

Seperti biasa, and atas bantuan saudara mara yang terdekat lagi puaka, I have stolen my sister's thunder on her wedding day. Ye Tuan/Puan, masa orang tengah sibuk berkenduri, masa tu jugaklah sedara mara yang puaka mulutnya pi sosek-sosek kat orang yang the pengantin pompuan nya sister masih lagi available. And my brother in law's parents pun merasa bersalah and approached my parents to offer some gift for me as the melangkah bendul present. Memang cilaka sungguh masa tu. Angin satu badan I masa tu...lagi besar anginnya bila berdepan dengan rombongan my brother in law yang dah tahu bahawasanya yang I ni masih single. Nak dijadikan cerita, ada pulak uncle my brother in law yang bujang terlajak hadir masa tu (he was looking like like Sohaimi Meor Hassan versi muda) and aku dan dia di usik-usik githoo. I tell you, kalaulah tak ngenangkan adik I, mahunya majlis kahwin tu jadi peristiwa Memali. But sebagai kakak yang mithali, I diamkan aje walaupun rasa nak ku soyok kan mulutnya sedara mara ku yang puaka ittew.

So enough of that. I didn't get to know my sister in law (my eldest brother's wife) and was missing out on lots of information about her. I think because my eldest brother tu perangai ngalahkan beruang, we thought siapalah pompuan yang malang yang sanggup jadi bininya. My eldest brother tu ada ramai gilpren tak jadi and his wife now is the only one yang survived ke jinjang pelamin. She is very young and I would say naive, as a woman with a rational thinking would not go and commit with a man like him. Bukan I nak burukkan dia but we all kesian dengan dia...chenta punya pasal and sanggup buat apa saja. I just hope my brother realised his luck yang ada gak orang nak kawin dengan dia and one day if something happen, he will be strong for her (and for himself, idokle nak harapkan mak I to bail him out)

So...I am about to receive another sister in law. I was introduced to her last raya. The next thing I tahu, mike tu dah nak bernikoh. Laaaa...

I know this is none of my business but I'm struggling to like her. I tatau lah dia tu perangai cemana, but if adik I dah sanggup ikut apa saja yang dia ndak, maka itu adalah choice dia. But I think, she should at least make more effort to be nice to my mother (and me). Dah le first time datang beraya rumah boipren..buat-buatlah duduk meramahs mesra dengan bakal ipar duai and mak mertua kan? Idok...dia duduk berkepit (eh..takdelah nya literally berkepit, but you know lah what I mean) aje dgn boipren nya...main-main ringing tone (ohh..how tak cool nya) and takdelah nak volunteer tolong basuh pinggan ke, tanya bakal kakak ipar dia (aku ni lah) buat apa..etc, etc. I'm sure dia pun dah selalu jumpa my brother tu so apalah salahnya masa ni digunakan untuk bersuaikenal dengan bakal anak buah, bakal ipar, bakal kucing ipar ke kan? Tak!

Dengar khabarnya my brother and my sisters is bending over backward for her. Apparently she decide when she want the kenduri, takdelah nak tanya kita ni convenient ke idak. Yang semputnya my mother and my sisters lah (ish...jangan haraplah my eldest brother nak menolong), as if dia tu takde benda lain atas pinggan dia.

I ni pikir..kalau belum kahwin dah macam ni lah gaya princess-control nya, apatah lagi bila dah jadi bini besok? Dah le my brother tu lah sorang nya jantan yang boleh diharap dalam family and kalau dia pun dah dialih-arahkan oleh bininya, siapalah lagi yang boleh diharapkan oleh mak,kakak and adik perempuannya ni?

Please don't think that I am aganist her and her happiness. ..but I believe, tak banyak sikit, kita sebagai orang luar yang nak masuk dalam family orang lain ni, kenalah menjadi kambing dan mengembek dikandang kambing and menglembu (pandai kan aku, Kiah?) bila masuk ke ladang lembu.

My brother jokingly asked me what is my gift for him for his wedding. I cakap..nanti lah..tengoklah..of course dengan niat yang berbunga-bunga and wanting to see him happy. But bila mengenangkan yang hadiah ku tu nanti akan dapat ke pompuan tu jugak...I rasa macam nak beli Kitkat aje..nah share lah kau dua orang.

Ish.....

Harimau Kayu Yang Jahat

I think generally, men are excellent at keeping secret. Nak nak secret yang penting untuk they all tu, maka susahlah nak pecah kat mulut kan?

Women tend to trust easily so dalam pada 'ni I bagitahu you aje ye..you janganlah pi cerita kat orang tawww'...and the next thing, santero Paroi Jaya, Taman Pinngiran Golf and Taman Guru Senawang dah tahu. Ish..ish..ish...tu lah dia. Most women told their husband and their girlfriends, unbeknown to them that laki they all tu berpotensi jugak menjadi gossipmonger.

I think if we may fault a woman, then it should be their trusting nature for telling the wrong people the most exclusive secrets. I often told my friend not to trust me with secrets, pasalnya kenkadang by accident terkeluar juga. But considering that I pun jarang bercakap dengan orang, most of people secrets are safe with me and the cats.

So sekarang ni satu donia nah..dah tahu yang si golfer idola masakini tu ghope-ghope nya adalah musang berbulu beruang. Today and still counting, dah 7 pompuan telah dikongkek dibelakang bininya. Some 'transgressions' happened masa kawan tu dengan berat mengandung (sampainya hati...) and all that time, I yang kaki gossip antarabangsa ni boleh taktau yang dia ni set-set bapak ayam jugak. Although I must say..(so will you, Kiah) yang hati kecil ni terasalah jugak sebab tak tersenarai dalam list-list wanita sundalan ittew (Abang Rimau...you lupa ke kita pernah ber ehem-ehem dalam lemari penyapu...ke, I dengan Boris Becker..ish..I don't keep track you)

I think some may say that kita pompuan is blessed with tah hapa nama instinct yang membolehkan kita tahu yang laki/pakwe kita tu bermain kayu 2,3,4 & 5. Ye ke? I think unless kalau pompuan tu kerja dengan Pasukan CSI or private detective, some tak akan tahu until his/her deathbed. Ada jugak bini dapat tahu yang laki they all tu ada simpan pompuan until it is wayyyyyyyyyy too late. I am not talking sampai dah beranak lapan, but ada jugak case yang laki dijumpai 'termati' dengan pompuan yang dipercayai pompuan simpanan nya. Isk...agaknya masa kenduri arwah ke hapa, confuse nak nangis pasal apa. Pasal laki mati ke or pasal dapat tahu laki ada gilpren lain, kan?

One of my friend, dia ni dua beradik aje. Mak dah mati many years ago. So bapaknya membujang sampai dia pun mati 2 years ago. Dia dua beradik sebelum ni puaslah suruh bapaknya cari bini tapi bapak kata, alah..mak kau sorang dah cukup. Anak mana tak kembang bontot dapat bapak yang setia camtu? Tapi....bila bapaknya mati, ramai pompuan datang/talipon mengaku yang they all kawan. Ada yang sampai nangis pengsan-pengsan and plenty yang buat pengakuan yang selama ni I lah yang jaga bapak you. I masak for him etc,etc. Tak ke tercengang anak-anak dia yang selama ni ingat bapak dia suci dalam debu tu?

So came the time bila anak-anak kena kemas barang bapak. Dalam mobile phone bapak nya punyalah banyak message mesra alam dari tah mana pompuan and they found a lots of bank deposit slip, made payable to some womens name. So they gather that Bapak they all tu semasa hayatnya rajin lah jugak menjadi ATM machine kat kengkawan pompuan ni. Not that they mind, ye lah nak buat cemana kan?

My friend and her brother discovered lots of things Bapak didn't tell them when he was still alive. Sampai my friend cakap kat one of her aunt (adik bapak nya) ish..tah hapa lagi lah nak keluar lepas ni. Entah-entah dia ada anak kat mana-mana yang kita tak tau.

Tup-tup.....memang dia ada anak you all.......dengan bini baru yang much-much younger than his kids. Bapak kawin sesenyap..and cerai pun sesenyap. Takde orang tahu..melainkan sahabat sejati dia lah. My friend dapat tahu, sahabat sejati Bapak dia ni ghope-ghopenya terpaksa menyimpan rahsia Bapak my friend ni kawin lain sebab nya, dia pun ghopenya berbini baru jugak.Kawin sekali lak tu.

Hah kau!!!

So my friend ni and her brother terpaksalah pi menjejak kasih ex mak tiri diorang tu sebab nak bagitahu Bapak dah takde. My friend cakap kat I yang she and her brother prepared to overlook that fact, considering Bapak they all ni kira bapak mithali lah jugak and it must be hard for him to keep this secret.

But then, this is one of many. Si Rimau tu agaknya kalaulah takde eksiden dengan pokok maka kita-kita semua ni ingat dia tu suami mithali sangat lah kan? Hah..sekali keluar tujuh lak tu. Pulak tu, apasal lah dia bodoh sangat? Kalau dia tu mekanik kat Kwikfit ke, kongkek lah sesapa pun..mana ada orang kenal kan?

It is hard to understand why men nak pi menyimpan rahsia yang macam ni. Are they really made of stone and boleh nyenyak tido malam menyimpan rahsia yang macam ni? Tak terpikir ke dunia ni bulat, pusing-pusing jumpa orang tu and orang tu jugaklah yang boleh termembukak rahsia they all tu.

Ada one gagak Social Worker kat Dept I kerja ni, motto dia mudah saja. Buat apa susah-susah nak menjeruk hati pikir laki dia ada main kayu tiga ke hapa...because kalau dia nak buat, dia akan buat dimana saja. She sais to us one day, well, if he wants to stray behind my back, then he can go and do it. But if I catch him, he'll die.

So, sediakanlah kapak...and pre nuptial agreement ye..kengkawan.I am all for taking them monkeys to the cleaners.

Update

First, I have to say that I am really thankful for your comments. I am so sorry that I am not capable, sometime,to reply to all of them but rest assured that semuanya dibaca dengan hati yang berbunga-bunga cinta lestari.

No, I did not have dengue. Nyamuk pun tak ada kat sini, so kebarangkalian nak dapat demam denggi berdarah and takde darah tu adalah amat tipis. Semakin tua umur, semakin lemahlah antibodi and ditambah pulak yang I ni tak rajin nak makan vitamin, maka I akan terjangkit demam dengan cepatnya dan sembuh dengan lambatnya.

But, I really appreciate the well-wishers. In return, I wish you all a good health as well.

So, let's just start with a little update here and there, nah?

It is so funny how people like to interpret thing far,far out of its context, as and when it suits them. In Malaysia this generally applies to all politicians. Put aside lah siapa salah, siapa tak salah. But beringatlah kan yang kamu-kamu pemimpin tu is in the position of trust. Now ni orang marah kat Nik Aziz. As far as I know, Nik Aziz and all his lot dah memang selalunya cakap macam tu kat majlis-majlis syarahan they all. As a melayu, I believe, inadvertantly, dalam percakapan, we produced the kind of verbal own goals that when looking (hearing) back can cause an everlasting cringing embarassment. Take for example bila maggie mee kita dikebas dari bilik prep, maka...akan terkeluarlah kata-kata yang berunsur ugutan melampau e.g. barang sesiapa yang memakan maggie cintan perasa kari aku tu, maka malam ni meletuplah anak tekak dia.Such sentenced was produced merely due to huge frustation but doubtly lah kita nak tengok orang meletop anak tekak dek sepacket mee tu kan?

We are prone to say the right thing at the right time to the wrong people in every conceivable social situation.Obviously, we can't deal with our social ineptitude by avoiding people completely. We may not want to change they way we express ourselves but we certainly hope that people will learn to understand us better. Well, if you're not a politician, maybe. I got away with saying quite a hurtful things to people.I may not be so lucky if I am some Menteri di Jabatan Perdana Menteri etc, etc. Dengan kita-kita ni, boleh lah lagi buat excuse sana-sini, like...alah...janganlah kecik ati dengan si Anu Anu tu, dia memang cakap kasar..tapi dia baekkk ati. Hiks.

Many, many years ago...Shahnon Ahmad got away with freely and unshamedly using the word 'Pu*imak'. Ni bukannya terguna dalam context terperanjat githoo..but kata guna caruts 100 persen ni. I don't remember him being crucified.

People, however nak menjaga peradaban pun, will say the darndest thing. But that does not mean that the people is bad.

I am not all for encouraging bad behaviour and bad choice of words...but I think, sebagai manusia yang boleh berfikir baik dan buruk, we must not manipulate our way of thinking, think bad when we want to when we necessarily don't have to.

************************************************************************

Again, I can't help to feel sorry for that Malaysian guy yang nak kena deport balik KL tu. (isk....yang you pun satu, dah tau ruling kat sini gambar passport kena background putih yang you bantai pi submit gambo kaler biru tu wakpe? Ingat ni Jab Imigresen KL ke?) Ye lah..khabarnya, kalau dia balik Mesia, Jabatan Agama what not nak tangkap dia.Ada pulak mulut puaka yang kata dia nak kena tangkap pasal dia tukar agama lah kononnya.

Why can't we have one rule for all? Kalau benda camni..yang ala-ala kuman seberang laut...cepat benau nak persecute kan? That guy yang acquitted from Noritta's murder, yang terang-terang satu Malaya tahu dia berkongkekan haram...idok pulak aku tengok Mahkamah Syariah nak tangkap dia?

Si Fatine tu takdelahnya nak songlap duit orang or pasang C4 kat badan pompuan Mongolia, so biarlah dia. Orang jeles kot sebab muka dia chantekkk macam Rihanna.(pssttt..kau tak jeles tengok baju gown dia..wahhh, rasa nak gi Debenham sekarang gak)

So, I wish you well Fatine...kalau dah lepas nanti, jangan lupa masak nasik ayam and jamu I nah...

Taraaaa.

Bercakap Dengan Diri Sendiri

Here we are in the month of December.

Month of December jugaklah ada orang tu akan mengalami reality bite yang dia tu tua setahun dari I. Kalau tak tu sokmo tak ngaku...nak tunggu umur cukup on the dot katanya..pirrra mabuk!

Okay...I will be attending a wedding soon. Somebody very,very close to me. At this age, dengan tak ber bagage nya, attending a wedding macam nak gi belayar kat Indian Ocean, where Somalian Pirates a.k.a. sedara-mara yang bermulut lanun adalah dimana-mana.

There have been 3 weddings in the house and I attended only 2. I wasn't playing the big part like a family member did in a family wedding, macam Tara Palmer-Tomkinson, I cuma hadir tunjuk muka dan menjadi bahan sindiran my married cousins, Pakcik & Makcik.

I have a conversation with my ex yesterday. Not a good one. While one party is trying hard to patch things up. another one is happy being unattached.

I have been single since last February, after many,many years of drama. This is my 2nd long term relationship...dengan dua-dua nya tak menjadi.

I was badly messed up. I think bila kita dah jatuh terjelepuk the first time, we entered the 2nd one dengan attitude yang sangat defensive and not willing to be the doormat anymore (padahal, kenkadang tu takde nya pun orang kedua tu treat kita macam doormat pun)

So we ended up being the most difficult person for other sto put up with and blamed it on our 'complicated' self. Takdenya yang complicated pun...when you are not ready to give or when you're are not that sort of person to give...you can't give.

So...the wedding is looming and I will soon asked the same questions again. I want to be honest with people this time.

Why am I 'still' single?

Yeah..I like to be in a relationship,having people to talk to when I need to talk etc,etc.

But, there will be time that I want to be on my own, do not want to share my opinion, my space, my feelings, being horrible, anti social etc, etc.

That you can get...by being unattached.


(dan saya masih demam)

Suci Dalam Demam...3

Weih....Kiah asked me to hapdate about the malay guy. Which one ah? I wrote about two. I don't know the first guy, but I wish him well in his predicament.

I'm afraid I have to re-refer that PHD guy to someone else. Mind you, bukan aku sorang aje yang boleh cakap melayu dalam Dept tu. I know a Malaysian consultant psychiatrist and if the need be, Mamat tu (sebab dia dah jadi detainee immigration) can asked for interpreter service. But kalau dah belajar sampai PHD, takkanlah tak boleh cakap omputih kan? There's plenty of Malaysian student yang pandai cakap omputih...and terlebih pandainya sampai nak ikut English accent yang in the end tersangatlah confuse dot com it sounded like American Irish immigrant. Ish..ish...buat malu aje taw...Kiah.

Ingatlah ye...sesapa English wannabe, it is not about the sound of words you produced, it is about how you say it. Sila belajar technique-technique yang betul dari Cik Kiah...yang didatang khas dari private school Exeter ittew...apa khelass aku yang belajar kat Felda Trolak ni kan?

So...tak kan adalah gossip. Having said that, I now realised betapa tak berkaliber nya aku. I've signed the confidentiality policy and here I am, pi cerita pulak hal orang dengan you all, kan?

But....masa-masa demam macam ni, memang lah mood insaf belaka. Curi pen dari opis dah rasa berdosa gittew.

Speaking about re-referring patient, one is in aposition to do so if he/she feels the need to render professional service may interfere or jeorpardise the case.

I wrote in my report that...the guy has refused treatment and refused cooperating, but responded when I conversed in his native language, when there is no apparent need for me to do so.

So, I will see him again to close his file. There is a fine line between overly stressed and disengagement of cognitive ability. Dia tu stressed, bukannya tak paham bahasa. Kalau le I ni Ustazah, I will ask him to pray to tenangkan hati....(tapi Makji pun hit and miss you..., takde kepimpinan melalui teladan langsung)

Suci Dalam Demam...2

1. Takde cerita nak diceritakan.....Makji masih demam, batuk,selsema, batuk...and demam balik. Ubat dah makan. Hari-hari mandi air extra panas...minum air kosong, air tak kosong, semua dah try. GP aje belum jumpa. Walaupun demam...I tetap gi kerja. Gagah/gigih sungguh. Orang tanya, apasal you tak cuti sakit? Yeah..boleh, pastu kerja pun menimbun. Takpe...nanti kerja yang menimbun tu dah susut, I akan start mengular balik.

2. Semalam...ada cerita budak melayu keluar dalam The Sun. Cantik sungguh budak tu. Jealous sungguh I dengan rambut dan mekap nya. Budak KLCC, kawin dengan orang putih dari Derby. Khabarnya dah nak kena deported...kesian. Jahat betul immigration kat sini.Lanun Somalia dibaginya masuk dan British Passport, tapi orang yang dah masuk sini ikut channel yang betul, macam-macam songeh lak. Tak pasal-pasal nanti, bila dia balik Malaysia, Jais Jawi semua berlumba tunggu kat KLIA nak nangkap dia. Cis! Semoga dia selamat pergi dan balik.

3. I ada case baru. Budak melayu...sekarang ni kena tahan kat tah mana pusat detention. Dah 2 tahun tahun katanya kena tahan. 3 bulan lepas, adik ni kena refer kena psychiatrist. I baca file dia...pandai budak ni. Ada PHD, although I must say that the damage in his head is not caused by his studies. Kena seksa boipren kot...nak balik takut, makbapak dah pulau...he already breached government contract or something. He is not talking to anyone. I saw him 2 days ago. He didn't respond when I interview him. Of course lah Makji cakap omputih kan? I was with a nurse, I asked questions, the nurse asked him questions...pun dia tak jawab. But his hands is shaking. After 15 minutes and tekak I pun dah sakit dek berbatuk-batuk and menanya soklan kat dianya yang macam batu, I tanya nurse tu, is he on any medication? Nurse cakap dianya selalu refuse. I tanya Nurse lagi..Mamat ni bahaya tak, walaupun dia nya ada jugak membuat perangai dalam detention centre e.g. menterbalikkan meja, memecah barang etc. Nurse cakap dia okay. Then I said....so, awak ni sebenarnya kenapa? Rasa tak sihat ke? Tangan nampak macam gementar...awak risaukan apa sebenar nya? Buntang mata dia tengok I. Dia tanya I..akak orang Melayu ke? I cakap kat dia...makan ubat you. 2 minggu lagi kita cakap-cakap okay? Saya tak gila Kak. Saya tahu...tapi awak tertekan. Badan awak tak boleh rehat, so ikut cakap Nurse ni, makan ubat...bagi sistem awak rehat. 2 minggu..kita jumpa lagi. I took his hand..masih menggeletar.Ni..tengok ni...awak terlampau risau..pasal tu menggeletar. Makan ubat. We finished at that.I called the ward after that...and he did take his meds.

4. Semoga Danyl Johnson akan kalah minggu ini...makin menyampah pulak aku nengok muka nya. I hate manipulative people.