About Me

Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Kita...Dan Mulut Kita

I think a lot about the dead people recently. 

The news of people's passing in the beginning of Puasa, seems to stimulate the thinking even more.

Recently a friend remind me of my hutang kat dia. Err, speaking of hutang...yes, if we dowan to susah mati..or having to make that long walk looking for sipemberi hutang in our afterlife, we better start paying back hutang.

This friend cakap something along the line dia takut I mati. In a logic mind, you will say this 'nanti kalo ko mati' if kawan kita tu nak memanjat gunung..tak pun kalau naik MH. Ops. Tabbaik. Maafkan saya Chairman MH. 

Apa maksud kawan tu cakap macam tu, I pun tatau.  But lantak dia lah..mulut dia. Kita on the receiving end ni dengar sajalah. Dah pun namanya berhutang. Then I teringat funerals that has taken place in my own household. After funeral or maybe on the way to tanah kubur, an appointed speaker will announce that if si mati ada berhutang dgn sesapa, sila jumpa so and so the family member. 

So lepas hati I tersentap dgn kata-kata kawan I ni...(err I thought I should write that I paid my dues as much as I could, but maybe dia tak suka cara camtu when I just paid one chunk at a time..well, kalau I tahu mulut dia akan menjadi macam ni, I will do direct debit RM 5 sebulan, so that gives impression yang I ni gigih bayor hutang dia) I pun call my sister and my loyar...eh, you know this so and so...if anything happen to me besok lusa, can you open that red file and pay off my outstanding loan?

My sister jawab.....ko apesal? You owe people money eh? Not like you..usually is the other way way around. 

Loyar jawab....is this why ko angin dari pagi tadi eh?

To which I said, nevermind. If anything...you pay this person first. I don't want to die feeling upset. Nowadays people die just like flies. Sakit tu sakit ni...tak sakit pun bley mati. At this age...you should be really thinking of it. Of course I wish that I die happy not upset. The worst feeling in life is upset. Sad is okay. I am just about menyampah dengan rasa sedih because knowing me, tengok kucing kaki terpeleot pun I rasa sedih.

But I hate getting upset..because this feelings stays. Because upset commonly is a mixture of sad and anger. 

You know the type of people yang cakap..this is the way I am that I speaks out my feelings? It takes a lots of guts to do this. For eg that Azwan Ali man. His mouth is a sewer I tell you. Yes..he may have a good heart but to be able to carefully choose words that are hideous kumulus nimbus gittew? 

Heart and mouth is two separate entities. When we don't like that person that much perlakuan mulut jahanam would be easier. Because on top of us feeling bengang dengan orang tu there is also the needs to hurt them. 

Kan? 

There should be boundaries with friends. Masa I dok oversea, I don't bring back friends..physically or emotionally. Rumah ku syurga keww. I tido and tengok TV. I do a little bit ibadah....hik hik hik (yes, and tak sebanyak you laa) so, this friends that I talked to day in day out stays well out of my bed...my sanctuary.

Here....yes, we need to apply hidup bermasyarakat...hatta kawan edisi ngumpat sekali pun. Friends ask you to tengok cerita kat TV so that we all could berjemaah giving review pun nak tak nak terpaksa gak ikut. Yes..that can be fun. Only when you have the time. Where have all my times gone? Kerja la beb...cari duit, nak bayor hutang you. 

Hutang yang I tak minta but expected to pay. Macam berhutang dgn mak bapak la. Bila kita susah, makpak tolong...but we have to beringat to pay. In some case, macam I...I pay in bulk lah. Kucing wants to eat. I takda baju baru takpa but cats must get what they want first. 

Si pemberi hutang pun...patutnya kalau dah nak berbakti tolong sedara mara ka kengkawan, you know that by sacrificing duit you yang banyaklah jugak tu..you should also forgo other perks like mendapat dividen ASB kalau deduit tu tak dibagi pinjam. Takyah lah cakap I am short of a huge divident sebab ko lambat bayor duit keww. Kalau gila nak divident, toksah lah kasi orang pinjam ye tak?

I, of all people should know how to spot a sheep. Power alters your mind. This happens to everyone. To Pak Ustaz etc etc. Place yourself in the position of authorities...then see how you want people to nods the heavens down to you.

I do this too. I gave money to my mum. Supposedly when you gives, ikut resmi memberi...the people who receives can do the heavens they like. But the power of giving of me, menjadikan I lebih kurang gampang nya dengan setan. I start telling her how to spend it and I sakit hati pulak knowing she then dermakan duit I yang bagi to my brother yang at times thinks his savings account tu sentiasa dipenuhi duit. 

It was times like this (bila dah kena batang hidung) then I realised what a bastard I have been. 

Try having people under your payroll. We sings about betapa baik nya kita dgn dia so they can and shouldn't do us wrong. But when wrong occurs....habis kau kena carutz dalam blog.

No one should really take pride in possessing mulut macam laknat. It's okay if there's a cause..ya lah, kalau dah situasi macam haram yang memrlukan ko mengeluarkan lahar, maka kalo takleh tahan, kasik la kan...with iman still in tact. So, idok lah kata-kata tu kejiss sangat. 

There's always a time, a place and a person for this kata-kata nista or ayat2 yang bisa mencabuli hak asasi perasaan. Kalau kita rasa nak kawan lama dgn orang, berfikir lah banyak kali.

But then again, words can't kill you. But it can damage people emotionally. 

I am in the phase where I nak diam saja. Nak cakap lebih-lebih, I pun ada tak betul nya. I cakap dgn BFF I ni yang hati I sangat terluka dgn sipolan-sipolan ni. I have been nice to them. I know I shouldn't expect them to be nice to me back in return sebab I ikhlas lah nak buat apa2 yang I dah buat. But, perlukah nak melukakan hati orang? They are, undoubtedly nice to me too...but I wish that they see that invisible boundaries that just because kita ni dalam BFF zone, or..if we think we have a hold on that person i.e. orang tu banyak makan budi kau ka, kata-kata macam sial shouldn't come out. 

Sedih ni..but tak apa lah heh....after all, who wants to know kan?



Saturday, June 13, 2015

Parents Day

Hola uols....sekarang ni dah macam-macam kannn?

Mothers Day, Apak's Day...adik beradiks day....to the extremist, mulalah kata bab bab celebration ni adalah ngikut kapiaq gittew. Suka uols lah. Hidup ni sunyi tanpa sipencari masalah dan puak-puak yang suka menggoncang hidup tanpa tujuan.

While we yang masih ada makpak..or  if they're no longer around, masih nak bergigih menunjukkan kasih sayang and appreciation, I wonder....how those yang....mempunyai parents set-set laknat. Ops.

It's hard when everyone is expected to act a certain way on one day (like Hari Raya as well) and there's lots and lots of people who don't have good mums or dads, or don't have any dads, and it just rubs it in. Kan? 

This poem is written by a colleague of mine yang apaknya..entah kemana-mana. It strikes me on how everytime among us, kita disuruh menghadap makpak kita yang kunonnya menjanjikan ticket ke syurgawi. Tapi kalau kita dapat parents yang...kenkadang lupa yang kita ni adalah anak yang perlu dibela. 

They made us...not the other way around. I somehow understand when some people just can't bring themselves to think good things about their parents.

Girls yang jadi mangsa apaknya..baik terajang mahupun hamba seksual, come fathers day when rata-rata kita, thanks to pesbuk...ohh I lap yu dad...the word Dad to her boleh membuat dia rasa nak histeria!

I ada rasa sikit guilt pada apak I. Ye lah...I always almost gets what I want. But langit tu tak selalunya cerah. To maintain sanity eloklah dipikirkan benda yang baik2 saja.

Marilah kita memahami jiwa anak-anak yang menyampah kat apaknya tahap syaitonnn


The posters in shop windows order me to buy a card.
They tell me how to feel.     
         
They describe you like this:
You’re special,Number one dad...The best dad in the world.
They remark;
Thanks for being there.
There are cards for dads who like
Golf, gardening, DIY
There are cards with cartoons,motorbikes and racing cars.
Cards filled with sentimental slop and silly jokes.
These cards speak a shared language,
Between sender and sendee.
Dad, I love you.Dad, take it easy.Dad deserves a day off.
But where are the cards for un-special dads
For the worst dad in the world?
The ones who took a lifetime off
Where are the cards for the dads who failed?
Where are the cards for the dead dads,the rubbish dads, the missing dads
the violent dads?
The dads we don’t love, or can’t like.
I want a card that says
‘You fucked it up.’
Maybe then you’ll stop calling.


Sunday, May 31, 2015

Love & Relationships For The Millennial Singles

Moral of this rant.....jangan pergi reunion dengan kengkawan. 

Makji...ko tak penat ke dok sensorang? Ko ni tak nak jantan ka? ----> this came from someone who thinks I am just good enough to become substitute suruh disiplin anaknya bila dia mati.But at the same breath, dia boleh buat snide remark kat I yang ...kononnya I ada hati nak kawin dgn laki nya. Pundek betul...padahal dia yang bukak mulut!

Having been single for a large chunk of my life, I've always made it a point never to flaunt any relationship I may, at that point, be in. But sometimes I did...well, happiness shows kenkadang kann....plus, with FB as the devil medium that somehow managed to fish that exhibitionist part of you. 

In the same way you should not ask married couples why they're still childless, or why someone who has four sons doesn't have a daughter - you don't know who has a raw spot that you might accidentally hurt. 

It's a tricky thing, being single at my age. Some are single by choice - because being with someone compromises who they are, because they've been hurt too many times, because they have too much on their plate to reach out, because of a million reasons, none of which is trivial to them, even if it may be to everyone else. But being single by choice is a privilege, don't forget that. It means you do not have to depend on someone else to feed or clothe you.

Some are single by circumstances - if they could, they would find someone tomorrow, regardless of what price had to be paid. These are the friends I worry about the most. Why? Because they're prepared to compromise who they are to be part of a "we". I have had friends (both male and female) who have accepted abuse (physical, emotional) from their partners, because they cannot imagine being alone. 

 I have seen good people marrying horrible people because "it's better than being single, katanyaaaa..... I can say "I told you so" a million times, but it doesn't quite convey the frustration of being an onlooker to the equivalent of a car speeding at 120mph, heading for a crash. 

But, I read about a certain someone yang famous who laments that he is doomed to remain single, to love and not to be loved. And I felt that these words had to be written down. 

I am not a Love Guru, beyond the way that any female of a certain age has wiped tears, given hugs, and angrily gestured on behalf of another female (or male!). I myself have had misadventures that would fill a book - the tragic worthy-of-a-15-minute-video falling for someone who fell in love with your best friend, the youthful love whose serendipity haunts you years after. I have sat through the "it's not you, it's me" and "I just cannot do long distance relationships". Prize has to go to the one who said "You're not good enough on your own but if you came as a set with her *pointing to another friend* then you'd be the perfect package!".

Then there's...."Why am I always the one before The One" .Macam puk* sangattts.

People would tell me a contradictory tale of "never giving up on finding love" and "only after you've given up you'll find it!". So here I'm going to share what happens when you do either or both.

At the age,  I met lovely people, not so lovely people. Some I have loved and lost. One died. One is like..kejap nak..pastu tak nak..pastu nak balik...

Was it easy? No. The kind of messages coming in is exhausting. Sifting between those who were just in it for a lay, to those who said they were just looking for good people (but who actually needed those people to look like Emily Blunt), to people who were genuinely interested but then didn't excite me. I fought the good fight for close to 3 years, and every time the rejection came, my self esteem crumbled, my heart broke, and I had to freshly contemplate the possibility that I would never find a person for me. I swear, my flatmate..my closest mates deserve a medal for the amount of self-wallowing they put up with. 

Lepas kena dumped dan rasa macam sial. ...I  declared a time out. I need time for me to learn to love me with no distractions. For me to value me. And for me to decide just how much of that value was going to be affected by the possibility of being alone. And never ever getting laid (sorry, this had to be said!)

Many times I was tested. People from my past started re-appearing, testing my resolve. But I decided that this was something I was not going to compromise on. And I'm glad I did. I realised in that whole times I was membela anak anak pungut that ate up your life time the first 6 months of their lives that while being lonely was heart breaking, it wasn't soul sucking the way being with someone who didn't value you was. I came out stronger, more intact, ready to take on the world. You will always have avenues to find love, even if its not the kind of love you thought you want. You will have time for family, for friends, for charity work, for strangers. 

Do I think love is overrated? No, I think it's definitely awesome. I see friends who have found it, and I get it. I get why everyone wants it.Do I think everyone finds it? No, I think those who do are very lucky. The rest of us have to work to make it work.Do I think being alone is better? Sometimes. It depends on what you have to give up to be with someone. Sometimes its worth it. Sometimes its not.

Do I think people should ever give up? No. The same way that 20-year marriages can fail, a 50 year old can find love for the first time. Or you wake up and that's it..I put up with you long enough..dari aku dok buat dosa ngumpat pasal kau dalam blog n dengan kengkawan. Don't live your live compromising for something you may never find. But don't close yourself to the possibility of something that may happen.

I quote one of my favourite movies, The Mirror Has 2 Faces...Why do people want to fall in love? When it can have such short shelf life and be devastatingly painful, what do you think? I think it's because, as some of you already may know... while it does last, it feels fucking great!"

Gituh. 


Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Visit Makkah Year 2015

Nak tulis ni dalam pesbuk takut ramai family terasa....

See....the people I am related to.

Cik Burkina Pasoh bersama Inche Swomi telah berganding bahu dalam group wassap dog family dan account pesbuk, memintak hampun dah mahap pada sedara mara dan kengkawan. Sebagai sedara terdekat lah jugak, saya tahulah yang si dua orang ni nak pi buat Umrah. Alhamdulillah ..Aminnn.

So bermula lah check in kat KLIA pada sekian-sekian waktu beserta dgn selfie mereka laki bini.

Setelah 8 jam maka check in saja dia King Abdul Aziz airport..tanpa selfie. Agaknya muka dah tak berapa freash macam kat KLIA tadi so..cukuplah sekadar memberi tahu yang kami dah sampai.

Pasttu..check in kat hotel. Pandai juga bilik hotel tu ber selfie kannnn..nak tunjukkan betapa shantekk nya mereka.

The next couple of days, maka check in selfie wefie dan bermacam-macam gambar lagi beserta dgn activity depa berdua. Ada jugak info pasal tempat -tempat yang ter capture dalam gambor tu.Every waktu ada update ya. All end with syukur nikmat mu ya Allah etc etc.

I want to ask you....apakah makna nya ini?

Nak berkongsi kegembiraan kah?

Nak kata menunjuk..kot kot lah depa kecik ati but do you really want to do all this infotainment stuff when you actually paid so much to mendekatkan diri pada Allah?

Almost every waktu uolsss. Kalau time time santai takpa lah gak..ni setiap waktu. Ada pulak masa ko menggedek tipon in between ko semayang tu?

Soon bila nak balik akan lah ada status berupa sedih nya nak tinggalkan bumi ni etc etc.

If one of them drop dead, you think the other would selfie dia mata bengkak menangisi kematian yang sorang lagi tu? Ye lah..we read in news ramai tol yang mati masa selfie wefie segala kannnn?

Babai uolsss.

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Penyakit Manusia......Part 1

Ada seekor case yang direfer kat saya. Hik hik hik.

Pakcik ni, dah ada romahtangga..yang katanya kejap bahagia dan adakalanya, tak berapa. Ada musim tak bahagia nya. -----> cam ni pun ada hehhh?

Dah ada anak satu. So, hidup ala-ala, sana tak betul, sini pun tak betul. Problem dgn bini adalah sentiasa. Kerjanya si pakcik ni, bila datang rasa tak bahagianya, dia akan lari bermestautin dirumah kawan sampai lah dia rasa okay.

So saya pun menyelidik lah. Dia ni..bak kata saya pada dia, is hanging on last thread of insanity lah gitu. Dah nak bercerai berai. I tanya, hubungan you dgn bini you sebelum jadi bini cemana ya?

Katanya.....crisis bersilih ganti. But in the end, they still get back to each other. Mereka ni set-set kahwin lambat. Dan mereka adalah PRS ya gittew. So, by the time the get to mid thirties, depa nikah. Bininya ini adalah gilpren yang keberapa belas. Iskk..menipunya saya. Ni gilpren kelapan. Katanya, the previous 7 semuanya berakhir dengan, silalah pi mampus. Wahh..very the acrimonious break up. Pakcik kata dia ada anger issue. Walaupun gittew, se anger anger dia, belum pernah lah dia memberi rubber stamp kat badan gilpren nya. Dia akan caruts dan blah. Ada sekali dia tinggalkan gilpren kat R&R Air Keroh. -----If this is you, please stand up.

Kerja macam I ni, apapun details orang cerita kat I, depan2 dia, I takleh nak ada opinion. Ye lah, kalau dia kata dia hempuk gf dia dgn batu teler, the only thing I can do is just...look and scribble it on that silly piece of paper. Padahal hati ada rasa nak cakap...wahhh, ko hempuk bini kau? Pesal ko tak tikam ja diri kau bagi aman dunia ni???

Kadang2 I akan ngumpat dalam whatsapp...besamo kawan-kawan nang samo gadang. Gittew.But I hardly do this, sebab I penat tau uols. By the time I habis kerja, kucing2 ku gangster paradise tu akan membuat komplot amukan tak cukup makan.

Okay yes...back to pakcik. Pakcik is on the verge of breaking up. Sebab bini dia dah nak lari. Being man that he is, he moans about apasal pompuan ni tak nak berambus before depa nikah dulu, kan now dah nyusah kan dia. As if dia ni dipaksa kahwin. But I know the moan is out of exasperation. Jantan biasalah..bab nak cover kelemahan diri ni nombor satu.

But I also secretly think yang the bini macam terpaksa kahwin dgn dia because ni jelah option yang ada, at that age yang orang kampung dah bergossip pasal apasal u tak kahwin tu. Kawan tapi tak berapa nak bahagia..nak kata tak chenta, chenta...but tahan saja. Karang terlepas bas, takda pulak bas lain, kan? I agak lah. I happened to know ramai wanita-wanita berjawatan tinggi yang terjebak kat arena terpaksa kahwin ni. Kahwin bukan kena paksa but terpaksa sebab orang keliling dia semuanya dah disambar. Ada jugak yang nak tunjuk kat ex boipren yang dia dah move on maka kahwin lah dgn jodoh yang datang bergolek tu.

Kalau yang bergolek tu Reza Rahadian....nak gak I sanggup.

In quest to save his relationship, dan agaknya dia rasa dia ada sakit mental seperti kata orang2 sekeliling dia, maka dia pun jumpalah Dr Psy. Tapi Dr Psy dia refer dia kat saya sebab katanya dia ni tak menepati criteria sakit mental yang kronik.

So, masa Makji uols ni bertemu dgn pakcik yang baju berbau ni...(erkkk) saya pun tanyalah soklan-soklan if selama ni ada tak dia merasa ciri-ciri berikut apply kat dirinya...


Adatak dirinya merasakan yang dia ni
  • Susah nak mengikut arahan dan mengingat information
  • Susah nak concentrate dan organise tasks
  • Berdolak dalih dan susah nak finish work on time
  • Rasa berdebub debab tanpa sebab
  • Boring nak mampus tanpa sebab
  • Pelupa dan sokmo datang lambat bila ada temujanji
  • Trouble concentrating when reading
  • Susah nak control bila naik angin
  • Sokmo gadug dgn kengkawan dan Impulsiveness
  • Bila frust ja, angin....bila frust ja rasa dunia nak runtuh
  • Low self-esteem dan mood yang berayun pastu relationship pun menjadi hampeh
Pakcik kata, semua diatas adalah alah bisa tegal biasa. Kenkadang dia rasa nyampah gak dgn dirinya sebab benda-benda kat atas ni lah yang orang selalu cakap kat dia. Tukar kerja macam pi jamban gamaknya..nasib baik apaknya kayo. He said this problems affect him a lot but has never bothered him before.

I tanya, so what change? Katanya, dia kesepian tanpa kawan. Adik beradik dah menyampah tahap gaban. Dia terpikir, nanti apalah kesudahan dia. Dan dia juga ada rasa-rasa nak pi mematikan dirinya. So, dia rasa dia sakit mental.

So setelah saya korek segala rahsia dari dia sekolah sampai lah ke tahap ini, mafhum nya...saya cakap pada dia yang dia ni menepati ceciri ADHD.

Pakcik tanya, tapi umur saya dah banyak dan saya tak rasa saya cacat (wah wah wahhhh....asal ADHD ja ko ingat budak2 melompat bak 5 little monkeys naaa?)

Saya pun explain la....ADHD dan Autism tu, separate entities. ADHD makna nya camni..camni.  Sekarang ni you rasa penyakit ni ada kat kekanak ja...but you rasa adakah kekakank ni semua Peter Pan yang takkan menbesar dan menjadi tua?

Memanglah masa mudanya kita melompat seantero planet. Dah umur ko naik belasan, takkan ko nak melompat lagi kan bila segala benda dalam badan dan start memberat? Sebastian Coe pun tahu pencen pakcik oiii.

Setelah saya explain, maka mulalah dia terkenang...dan rasa firasat saya betul. Dan kamipun  bersetuju lah untuk bekerjasama untuk menangani masalah nya ni.

Pakcik tanya....ada ka orang lain yang sakit macam ni...orang besar lah..bukan budak2. Saya cakap...ada. But not many people will own up. Ye lah..pada mereka semua orang lain salah, bukan dia. So, how do we explain orang yg sokmo tak sabar...road bully, pemalas...wanita-wanita pe multitask yang berjaya tu?

Bukan kah tu semua ciri ADHD?

Hik hik....silalah dapat kan rawatan ya Cik Kak dan Abang abang....



Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Bini Bini Ku....Gangster

Uols yang dikasehiiii.....

Dalam hidup berpasangan ni, adakalanya kita berselindung disebalik kelemahan kita dan secara tak langsung menggunakan kepakaran pasangan kita ittew....

Benerrr ka tak?

Tak caya, tengoklah PM Negara Pasir Berdengung tu uols. I don't know for sure what's what...but gossip kencang bertaburan mengatakan yang PM itu adalah puppet dan bini nya tu lah yang memainkan peranan John Malkovich nya.

Walaupun kita ni nampak nya macam sado, kita tak lah jugak boleh buat macam-macam benda dan juga melawan dunia. Kita buat demand macam Raja Swaziland..kita nak benda ni macam ni..benda ni macam tu...tapi, ada jugak benda-benda macho yang lain yang kita tak reti nak buat tapi coverina tak hengat suruh bini kita buat..dgn alasan, I don't deal with things like this. Hek elehh ko mangkuk!

Kita menggunakan kepakaran bini kita untuk mencari therapist untuk anak kita yang autistic tu dan juga menyampaikan segala macam expectation kita, tatkala kita duduk diatas sofa bak ayam berak kapur. 

Kita menggunakan kepakaran bini kita untuk bergaduh dgn agent pencari bibik.

Kita suruh bini kita gaduh dgn orang Astro.

Kita suruh bini kita gaduh dgn orang kat sekolah anak kita. Kita pi eksyen kata kita boleh manage meeting seantero antarabangsa, kantor besar kita...tapi, bila meeting Tadika Sri Murni nak diskus naik yuran pun, kita dok macam tikus. Puiii. 

Kita menggunakan kepakaran bini kita untuk bertanya direction bila kita sesat jalan, padahal kalau bini kita yang silap jalan, kita kutuk dia sehabis kutuk. 

Pastu, setelah kita pergunakan dia untuk kerja-kerja kotor kita, we have the audacity to kata bini kita tu adakalanya meroyan lah..cakap banyak lah...psycho la...iskk. Babiks sangat. 

I remember my parents. To us, Appa hardly ever compliment Amma. Haiyyoooo....growing up listening your mother is the reason for every fault termasuklah masalah alam sekitar, adalah menyakitkan jiwa. But malay ....err, Asian couples have funny ways of complimenting each other. You want to pay your spouse the attention she needed, by nit picking, airing dirty linens etc etc. Bini pun sama...kalau kat FB ja nak cakap benda elok2 pasal laki...kalau secara lisan, mana nya ada nak puji puji?

Alaa... macam pemain bola kembar tu menunjukkan rasa chenta yang masih ada kepada ex bini nya...dengan berkata macam-macam kat janda nya tu. Weii...boleh tak uols duda janda dok dendiam disinunnn?

Using people....is actually not a bad thing to do. Ye lah, kita hidup saling guna menggunakan. Kalau tak guna laki, kita guna bini kita, kan? Orr, guna anak...especially dalam misi memujuk orang gaji kita kembali kerumah, kita kata la anak kita rindukan dia, kan? Padahal kita ni yang takleh hidup tanpa nya..POM!

While we are at it...yakni menggunakan orang, it actually gives away variety of feelings. 

At times, you felt superior, ya lah...ko rasa ko boleh ja menggunakan orang kononnya tanpa disedari.Ko rasa pandai la..kuat la...sebab bebila masa saja ko pantas mempergunakan orang. 

But I tell you, 12 out of 10 people...hihihi, will know that they have been used. Just because depa ni tak cakap, janganlah ko rasa depa ni tatau ya perangai buruk kau tu.

For them....they don't actually mind it so much because by being used by you, they actually gain that comfort thoughts that you needed them so much you can't live without their expertise. 

I think my Amma have probably live with this feelings yang Appa adalah amat memerlukan dirinya yang dikata bodoh tu. 

My Appa is now dead. I hope he had the chance to tell Amma how much he needed her. 

To those yang masih lagi berselindung disebalik kekuatan bini, sila la bagi compliment sebelum pompuan tu mati. 

Jadilah seperti bapak kepada George Michael, yang memuji-muji bini nya yang berjaya mendidik anak kerana dia tu sendiri takleh harap.

Sunday, May 10, 2015

Seripah Layla Pemain Bola

Hola uolssss......percayalah, ai tak terlibat langsung dengan kebangkitan puak extremist blogist di stasiun sinunnn itu. Kita ni, kenalah sedar diri yang kita ni bukanlah Azwana Dediva yang mempunyai jutaan billionz supporters trending worldwide (oii ponek ehh cakap camni) yang fofuler.

Meaning, blogger si Sentraal Stasiun tu adalah fofular dan Adik Aji ni adalah blogger picisan lagi tak bermoral. Adik Aji jua adalah blogger amfibia ye uols...ye lah, pesona blog lain, luaran nya nak kata gadis suci bertudung Yuna belum tentu.

Diam tak diam dah lebih setahun I bermestautin balik di Malaya(lam) ni uols. Balik jua ke tanah Hengland kekadang dan melepaskan rindu. Duduk Malaya maka jadilah orang resmi orang Malaya yang sokmo tak puas ati. Hishh....sedih I tengok nasib I yang tatau bersyukur ni. Ops.

Untuk tidak memanjangkan kedukaan hati....I dan melibatkan diri dalam arena sukan yakni menjadi pemain futsal ye uols. Wah wahh....apa penyakit makji dah patplohan nak berkecimpung dlm sukan lasak lagi boleh mematahkan kakitangan tu tatau lahhhh.

But, sebagai amatur, Makji telah diterima masuk kedalam pasukan Seripah Layla. Macam masuk sekolah tadika pun ada masa tu, ye lah team SL tu dah main futsal berjaman lama nya dan mak aiii, terror nya. I ni bukan lagi tahap buah cempedak diluar pagar boleh dijolok jolok gitu.

Tetapi berkat kesabaran Makji yang sanggup meredah jam NKVE yang macam nakharoms dan menerima cercaan dalam hati pemain team SL yang lain, maka Makji ni sekarang kira nya bolehlah dilantik sebagai pemain simpanan dan jua pemain yang boleh dikerah kemana-kemana oleh wanita-wanita Team Barcelona ittew. So now, I am not going to write about how well I have been but perhaps, a simple tips for you all memakcik yang macam I ni untuk terjun ke bidang membuat tebiat ini.

Antara permasaalahan dan risiko yang perlu diambil kira semasa bermain futsal ialah....

1. Most futsal players dah bermain futsal dari jaman anak dara ke jaman tak dara tak pun...extended dara (andartu) or dah menjadi anak dara baru (janda title is very degrading lah) so mereka-mereka ni mengenali satu sama lain walaupun hanya mendengar bunyi nafas. Sebagai pemain baru yang tak kenal orang, risiko untuk kita tak kenal kawan dan lawan adalah besar. Lawan kita boleh bertukar menjadi kawan yang mengecek bola, dan kita pun tersepak lah bola tu kat dia dan mengundang jelingan 'hoiii babi' dari team mate kita sendiri. So peringatan, pastikan kita kenal team mate kita.

2. Sebagai pemain yang baru serta bangku, tolonglah jangan ingat bermain futsal ini hanya boleh dipelajari melalui tutorial yutiup ya. Even if you have watched Bend It Like Beckham 189 kali pun ,belum tentu kau boleh menjaringkan penalty. Silalah ambil tanggungjawab yang specific seperti, kalau teammate ko kata, weii, ko dok sini, ko jaga si baju kuning tu, maka duduklah kau menjaga si baju kuning tu dengan menghalang pergerakan bola nya. Ko jangan feeling Thiery Henry ya. Tolongggg jangan.

3. Disebabkan kebangkuan kita, kita kena redha dan pasrah dilakukan seperti onggaji Myanmar ataupun security guard Nepalese. Sorang team mate ko akan kata, weii makji, ko jaga defend, ko jgn gi memana...ko ikut. Then sorang lagi teammate ko kata, heyy..you should go up and chase the ball maaa..don't just stand here....ko ikut. Pastu datang lagi sorang yang suruh ko jadi goalkeeper padahal ko penakut nak mampus dgn bola yang datang bak peluru rejim Zionis beserta dgn penyepaknya yang bermuka nak tikam kau sebab ko menghalang perjalanan nya, ko terpaksa gak ikut. So kesimpulannya kalau team SL nak ko jadi badut sarkis pun ko kena sanggup, sebab kau adalah cempedak dah ganyut diluar pagar yang menunggu masa ja nak gugur. Bersabarlah...tuhan akan menolong orang yang sabar, bak kata Amran kepada Azizah. 

4. Janganlah ko percaya bila teammate ko kata kat ko, alahhh..hey this is just a friendly game. Friendly? Puiii friendly. Mereka semua akan bertukar menjadi singa bila ko tersalah langkah.Siapakah yang suka bila team depa kalah weiii? Siapa yang kata adat ialah kalah dan menang itu pastinya tidak ikhlas. Kalo ko kalah musti jiwa kau membusut dendam nya. Sebagai sumber kekalahan pasukan, cepatlah ko sedar diri kau yang ko tu kaki bangku dan bermuka bersalah untuk mencari simpati.

Makji kau ni..takdelah feeling nak menjadi ala-ala gol dan gincu. Tujuannya ialah nak mengecikkan ular daun yang obese menjadi anaconda ni semenjak I ni tidak lagi berjalan dan berlari kemana-mana. Dan juga, macam I cakap tadi, kebarangkalian untuk kakitangan patah riuk adalah besar. Alangkan bola kena kaki I dah menjerit bak Kak Ogy marah kat Usop Wahab dalam pilem Puteri Makassar tu, can you imagine kalau ada tulang yang patah?

But hey....this is one wish crossed off the list.

Selamat bermain futsal diusia senja.

Monday, April 27, 2015

Fathom this.....

Hi abang Diva....hik hik hik....

Iols kagumz taww dgn abang Divvvv  (psstt...in northern part of England divvv is something else) yg mahir menukar emosi dari

Setazahhhhh Pilihan lengkap dgn background Kaabah lagi hehhh

kepada

Medusa (phewssss melaharrrr, instead of having tangles of snakes ataih kapla, lidah tu hahhh diam nya reptile berbisa ittew)

Sujudsss bang Divvv....sujudsss.

Apa2 pun, marilah kita semua memdoakan abg Div mendapat hidayahhh serta trillions supporters pulak ya. 

Hik hik hik.....


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Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Sayangi Diri Mu.....

Wah wah...kami sekarang dah jadi penyanyi....setelah kami puas menjadi gilpren orang ternama lagi berduit dan juga pelbagai activity lagi.

Janganlah dijeleskan talent kami yang melimpah ruah ni...kami shantekk, pandai bisnes, pandai berlakon...pandai segala....

Kerana kami adalah seorang wanita ber career yang sungguh professional dan berkaliber. See..success won't come easy.

Kami sedar betapa ramainya manusia yang mencemburui dan nak menjadi kami yang glamour terlajak ini. Wah wahh..sila la percaya yang disebalik keglamouran yang uols nampak (serta kami dgn sukarela tunjukkan dalam IG kami tu) kami masih lagi gadis femalu dan ayu serta mahukan total privacy. Makna nya, kalo uols nampak kami kami beratur kat tandas awam One Utama tu, sila la berikan kerjasama jangan mintak nak selfie bagai, sebab kami stress nak terkuchil. 

Uols tatau betapa payah nya menjadi kami ni. Derita tau kami bila dulu dipitnah membaling kasut kat satu nyonya meraban ni. Habis tu...dah nyonya tu kata kami merampok boipren nya yang muka bak wak pecah rumah tu didepan khalayak pengunjung kelab malam, mistilah kami nak mempertahankan maruah kami kann? Padan lah muka nyonya tu...memprovoke kami dan mendapat lah. 

Pastu...bak pepatah plenty of ikan besar dilautan dalam, kami pun move on lah dari perchintaan dgn anak bekas MB dan juga anak sedara bekas PM tu...wahh...fast track, kami dapat anak raja ye. Tak main lah anak raja dari bini kelapan tapi fefeeling anak gahara, ni memang betul yang bakal mewarisi jawatan CEO syarikat atuk nenek nya. See...we don't settle for less....we settle for everything we can think of and good. Kami bukan macam Azza Elite yang bersujud syukur dapat kawin anak Gabenor tapi kelabu asap tu. Naaaah....we don't go for smoke screen glasses wehhh....we must aimfor 3 D!!!

But, as a woman, we ought to be treated with respect. Kalau boipren kita tu hobi nya mengumpul replika bernyawa yang boleh dijadikan spare gilpren, usahlah kita membuang masa menunggu rimau bintang menukar bintangnya menjadi belangan Zebra. That is waiting in vain, I tell you.

So, kami move on lagi..to a better things. Kami kan self-sufficient, agenda nak mencari boipren ni can stay at the back burner for now. Onwards and upwards gittew.

Yes, dengan skala confident kami yang macam Burj Al Arab tinggi nya, motto kami adalah who cares. Dengan me maintain kan keayuan dalam IG ala-ala pijak kucing pun kucing tak menjerit, didalam dunia yang nyata, hanya yang mahu mengikut telunjuk kami boleh ngam dgn kami.

Tu hari, kami gaduh dgn Nilopah. Pesal tau pompuan tu suka nau copycat kami. Dia tatau ka kami ni real deal ek? Tapi bila orang tanya, uols gado-gado ka dgn Nilopa, kami kata, whaaaaat? Gaduh? I haven't got time bebeh for all negativity like that....

Kami tidaklah bangsa meroyan macam Diva AA, yang gaduh dgn ayam jiran sebelah yang suka mandi buih pun kami cerita kat Melodi...tak pun, saman. Takkk...kami tak lah se bongek gittew. Kami tak layan gossip seposen 3 cenggitu. 

Kami adalah positive thinker. U tak suka I, your loss lahh...that kind of self coaching. Negativity brings you down and stunted your emotional growth. So, kami taknak layan cerita-cerita dongeng. 

Pastu kami sesenyap lagi berchenta. Tapi...bak kata uols, cinta kan rabun. Mamat ni anak mak uols..anak mak. Kami ni tidaklah nak menghalang justice perhubungan mak dan anak tapi kalau jantan tu rasa dia nak sehidup semati dgn mak nya, siapalah kami yang want to be in their way kannnn? 

Tapi, kami tetaplah nak habaq kat orang yang...weols pernah la ada something serious. Kami taklah cheapskate nak whatsapp cerita ni kat wartawan Beautiful Nara to coverage....apa khelasss you...kami kompangkan news ni dalam show kami sendiri. Hahh, kau hado? Kau hado Facing Up To Azwan Ali, Diva AA wehh? Takdo...hunggah lah monopod kau kulu kilir..hik hik hik.

Pastu, untuk membuktikan kami ni walk the talk (or whatsit ah?) kami pun reiterate lah yang kami ni bukan pengamal hubungan negative...maknanya, kalo Sara Ali tammo kawan dgn kami, kami ramai lagi kawan lainnnn, kan? Puas kami cuba nak baik dgn Sara Ali tu..tapi kalo dia dah taknak kawan dgn kami, kami taknak la jadi mangkuk.

Apa, Sara Ali tu hengat dia siapa??? Kami lagiiii shantek.

So kepada anda-anda yang disayangi...contohilah sifat positive saya dalam menangani liku-liku hidup ini. Sayangilah diri anda, sebagaimana anda menyayangi Iphone 6 baru anda tu. 

We will survive.... :)

Friday, April 17, 2015

Ohh my......

You know....when I was really young...I berhajat kaw kaw nak gi UK or University Malaya. Cehwahhhh......the air that came with it...bangga tau sekampung Paroi tu.

Nak nak hambik LLB kannnnnn?

But sebagai grammar nazi yg terkadang pun masih mengait cempedak diluar pagar, I cannot la tahan to see this.... (and plenty more I tell you...tak larat nak screen shot) 

This cannot come from someone who pride himself as a law grad from UM ....well overlook the ITM punya diploma ye. 

Haiyooo....cannot tahannn. I so want to leave comment.... but bak kata pepatah, kalo hanya memakai hoodie, jgn la sub zero temperature mau diredahi. Gituhhh.


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