First Love, why it shapes us more than we know

Untuk tatapan Makji Eton...Blast From The Past (tapi takde Kena Mengena Pun Dengan Entry nii...apa motive ye, masa ensem dan slim camni tak nak lak kawin dgn I)

When did you last think about your first love? (In my case, habis si Siamang tu aku fofulerkan dalam blog ku ini) As much as we (it is fair to generalise? gasaklah..I yang tulis) deny it through and through, we dreamt about them from time to time, wondered what could have been when current relationship isn't going well, to the extend keying a never-to-be-forgotten name into Google? If you're someone who never gives their first relationship a second thought,then you're probably in the minority, because we all do.We often think of it (nak nak bila bergaduh dengan current partner kan, hati mulalah menggaru, kalaulah aku kahwin dengan sipolan-sipolan tu, cemanalah agaknya) and we shouldn't be surprised that they continue to exert such an influence.These are relationship classically forged during adolescence when,alongside those raging hormones (dengan bawah yang menggeletis gila), we are grappling with our own identity and, most importantly, discovering what love really means outside close family ties. I honestly think that the first time you fall in love resonates throughout your life, influencing your adult relationship and informing your choice of a partner.Key to show how a first love can cast its shadow across your future is how and why the relationship ended.Chances are, if you were badly hurt (hint hint) by that passionates romance or janji-janji manis Party MIC cawangan Siamang Gagap, likely, decades later, to be asking why, wondering if it could ever have worked out.It is like you found someone, forming your identity together, and then you lose them,it's like losing a piece of yourself.I'm not sure if woman or man who will feel the loss even more strongly. I think men usually bila dah tergagah, barulah teringat chenta lama yang disia-sia kan...and women will endure their patah hati until she die.

Something happened in my consulting room today and I was asked about my first love unguarded. Professionally, I have to remain a white canvass but listening to this woman pouring her feeling out about her Siamang, break my heart a little. You were the perfect girlfriend and everything a man could ask for (how wrong is that when men actually asking a lot and most of the time, don't know what they want) and still, you never win his heart.

This patient of mine, have moved on. She is happily married but her feeling for the first man is making her feeling unfaithful to her husband and she is trying to get a grip and at the same time, trying to make some sense of all this trouble. I told her that guilt can kill and try to free yourself from it. 20 minutes passed with tears streaming down her eyes.

I am in love with someone else now. I am glad for that. For once I know that I am the chosen one. Enough is enough.We are not suppose to give out advise and tips on how to cure yourself from broken heart of your first love but my parting words to this broken hearted lady is to appreciate what she have.

What I mean by that and didn't tell her is if we tend to idealised our first love and wish we could rekindle that 'perfect' relationship, consider reminding yourself that this is a fantasy. Be realistic about this so called 'perfect love'. Imagine how he/she could have changed, and think how you've altered, too. Ask yourself, what is going on with your life that is encouraging you to focus on this fantasy? Is it because of you crave a different direction in life? Well, I supposed if that is the case, work on it and resolves the issues.Hopefully the allure of a first love will fade.What was the most exciting about the first love anyway? Is it really them, or the time when you're both close? Often we're more in love with the person we were, and the sense of freedom and possibility we enjoyed, than the lost love itself.

But like always, cakap memang senang.

Selamat berbahagia (grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr) Raja Nazrin.