About Me

Sunday, May 13, 2007

The Payung Story

I don't get on well with my umbrella.Well,now that I carry my laptop everywhere I need to go (even when bathing...dengar musik, ya?) and especially if my destination is outdoor, I need to carry a payung.I'm too tall and huge to use the Cik Mek Molek kind of payung, and I will not be seen dead by the roadside toting that Queen Mother's payung...so reasonably, I had to purchase those kind of 'Formula One' payung yang gedabak itu.That will saves my electronic jargon...laptop, mobile phone...wrist watch.At 34, I can no longer adapt to that jantan-like attitude 'biar basah dek hujan tapi nama nak membawak payung-sorry la banyak-banyak'.

Since I bought my laptop 5 years ago...I also bought myself a payung.First there was this small payung...and I got wet as the payung are so too small to tutup my bontot and the only thing that is dry is my head.Raincoat are far from practical to go with my newly found feminine outlook...because most shops didn't sell body-hugging style raincoat and I really can't stand to be in the situation of separa-separa basah...that is, raincoat will only shroud your head to ankle and you will be still walking with your wet shoes.Stoking basah and kaki become busuk..eeeee.I tak suka, I tak suka !!!!

Eventually, I have to succumb to the effect of my own physique,kalau badan besar, janganlah pakai payung size kekanak riang, and reluctantly, I beli that oversize payung that guarantee will not flip if strong wind and will 99% keep you dry.Only heavy.But...if other women can carry their bulging baby filled tummy for 9 months and tak komplen langsung (except for pompuan durjana)...that less than 1 kg payung kiranya tak akan jadi hal...tak convenient but bearable. I must remind myself yang I ni bukan Paris Hilton...and Paris Hilton carry her anjing everywhere in that silly handbag.So, kalau nak badan and barang tak basah, silalah biasakan diri dengan payung Formula One yang berat itu.

As I get older, I become very careless.I convinced myself that this absent-mindedness is the effect of my new job.My container contained other people stuff rather than mine and so I suffer the consequences.I misplaced many things.God knows how many valuable things had gone to heaven...once, I left my purse in the Tesco trolley and I almost kill MB in frustration. MB is the sort of person who will react to people misfortune by adding insult to their injury...tu lah..berapa kali kamek dah madah..kitak sik mauk dengar..kitak tok..kitak ya...kitak very careless ya...habislah credit card kitak...waaaaa!!!! Masa tu, I dok pikir, habislah my Mykad and Driving Licence.But someone found it and hand it over to the information centre and I was asked to described my own purse in pursuit of getting it back in my hands.Glasses, house keys, office keys. Wedding bangle? Tu pun kenkadang lupa...tertinggal dalam toilet lah..macam-macam. Lucky, that thing melekat.If not, that thing pun boleh hilang.

Me and payung never see eye to eye.I am speaking of all the population of payung generally, not necessarily for that payung to be mine because I even lost orang lain punya payung. Matilaa...orang dah tak nak bagi lagi pinjam payung.I always lost my payung, from size kecik to size besar budak 6 tahun.I always lost it on the bus, train and places I stopped for short visit.Sometimes, the lost payung can be retrievable but I'm too sombong to travel all that way for that 2.50 worth of payung.Kira sedakah jariah lah ni, untuk menyedapkan hati. I always got another one.Using bigger sized payung means that I can no longer shove it in my bag and by force, have to carry them along with others.If only payung have strings or strap that I can attach and detach.What I am trying to say is that I bought 10 payung and I lost 15.No matter how many payung I own, eventually the payung will find ways to let loose from me.Sungguh jahat payung itu.

In my last attempt to save my marriage, I travelled to North on Friday with hope to reconcile and submit myself into spousal duties (hence, this does not always mean sex) I have been talking to few wives and having taken in some wise words, I decided to buang yang keruh and ambil yang jernih.It didn't succeed.I now just have to leave it to fate.

In the morning (dengan badan yang sakit, tidur atas sofa) I decided to leave and carry with me my laptop bag, my knapsack and my umbrella.Little that I know that the Rugby spectators are heading to the West.I hate travelling with them Rugby hooligans.They stanked of booze and blabber rubbish.Most Rugby spectators are orang putih and the orang putih sesama dia, can instigate racist jokes, especially when they're drunk.I was squashed to the wall behind this 2 beefy ugly looking men with lager loutish behaviour, making jokes of blacks and the French.They turned to me and asked if I speak French.I try to ignore but at the same time tread carefully as if I buat sombong, I may annoy them and that will make me the easy target.I just realised I'm the only orang tak putih in that train coach.The smell of their lager stinking hard and I feel faint.

I quickly got off at the next stop and lucky enough not to drop myself as my vision has started to get vey blurry.Well, that is the effect of claustrophobic.I sat down the bench and rest for 10 minutes.I decided to get a bus home, of which, thankfully is not far from the station I stopped.On my way out, I noticed that I am missing something.

My Payung.Cisssss!!!! Siapa yang mesti dipersalahkan sekarang ni? Orang Rugby jahat itu ke, F ke, or is it me that is contracting Alzheimer?

4 comments:

sarafina said...

Something to do with self-esteem, eh Han?

Lee Novotny said...

You probably unconciously ter-shove your payung up their racist arses kot?? hahahahah..rasainnn!!!

Well u ols, u r not alone..mak pun cenggitu ngan payung. Memang jodoh tak panjang!

p/s hope everything okey with you on your relationship side of story... you still think it's worth fighting for???

Montymelly said...

What? Payung story only? Boleh tak cite yg best2 sikit...cam lap story ko ke...any new product kat AS ke....(kan ko ni kononnya melayari catalogue diaorg..)

Hjh Esah Jolie said...

Sara,maybe..probably.

Lee, tataulah nak buat cemana.Time cinta lagi baguskan..takde commitment.BTW, I takut betul nak menakutkan u dgn cerita-cerita horror I...kang tak jadik pulak u kahwin.Siapakah yg berdosa nanti? Makji jugak...

Ciss..Kiah, kaki gossip betul...Kenapa tanya-tanya pasal AS ni? Nak suruh I beli double dong ke or Bunny Boiler tu? Aduhhh..harammmm