About Me

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

First Love, why it shapes us more than we know

Untuk tatapan Makji Eton...Blast From The Past (tapi takde Kena Mengena Pun Dengan Entry nii...apa motive ye, masa ensem dan slim camni tak nak lak kawin dgn I)


When did you last think about your first love? (In my case, habis si Siamang tu aku fofulerkan dalam blog ku ini) As much as we (it is fair to generalise? gasaklah..I yang tulis) deny it through and through, we dreamt about them from time to time, wondered what could have been when current relationship isn't going well, to the extend keying a never-to-be-forgotten name into Google? If you're someone who never gives their first relationship a second thought,then you're probably in the minority, because we all do.We often think of it (nak nak bila bergaduh dengan current partner kan, hati mulalah menggaru, kalaulah aku kahwin dengan sipolan-sipolan tu, cemanalah agaknya) and we shouldn't be surprised that they continue to exert such an influence.These are relationship classically forged during adolescence when,alongside those raging hormones (dengan bawah yang menggeletis gila), we are grappling with our own identity and, most importantly, discovering what love really means outside close family ties. I honestly think that the first time you fall in love resonates throughout your life, influencing your adult relationship and informing your choice of a partner.Key to show how a first love can cast its shadow across your future is how and why the relationship ended.Chances are, if you were badly hurt (hint hint) by that passionates romance or janji-janji manis Party MIC cawangan Siamang Gagap, likely, decades later, to be asking why, wondering if it could ever have worked out.It is like you found someone, forming your identity together, and then you lose them,it's like losing a piece of yourself.I'm not sure if woman or man who will feel the loss even more strongly. I think men usually bila dah tergagah, barulah teringat chenta lama yang disia-sia kan...and women will endure their patah hati until she die.

Something happened in my consulting room today and I was asked about my first love unguarded. Professionally, I have to remain a white canvass but listening to this woman pouring her feeling out about her Siamang, break my heart a little. You were the perfect girlfriend and everything a man could ask for (how wrong is that when men actually asking a lot and most of the time, don't know what they want) and still, you never win his heart.

This patient of mine, have moved on. She is happily married but her feeling for the first man is making her feeling unfaithful to her husband and she is trying to get a grip and at the same time, trying to make some sense of all this trouble. I told her that guilt can kill and try to free yourself from it. 20 minutes passed with tears streaming down her eyes.

I am in love with someone else now. I am glad for that. For once I know that I am the chosen one. Enough is enough.We are not suppose to give out advise and tips on how to cure yourself from broken heart of your first love but my parting words to this broken hearted lady is to appreciate what she have.

What I mean by that and didn't tell her is if we tend to idealised our first love and wish we could rekindle that 'perfect' relationship, consider reminding yourself that this is a fantasy. Be realistic about this so called 'perfect love'. Imagine how he/she could have changed, and think how you've altered, too. Ask yourself, what is going on with your life that is encouraging you to focus on this fantasy? Is it because of you crave a different direction in life? Well, I supposed if that is the case, work on it and resolves the issues.Hopefully the allure of a first love will fade.What was the most exciting about the first love anyway? Is it really them, or the time when you're both close? Often we're more in love with the person we were, and the sense of freedom and possibility we enjoyed, than the lost love itself.

But like always, cakap memang senang.

Selamat berbahagia (grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr) Raja Nazrin.

18 comments:

Lee Novotny said...

Ooo laaaaaaaaaaa ni fasal anok raja tu kah??? haiyyooooo berapa banyak cikki yang dia dosi buatkan patah hati nih?? ish ish ishhhhhhh!!

Anonymous said...

Hola Hjh Esah,

Errkkk really terkena my batang hidung when i read about this first love thingy. Even until today, i can't get rid of the good/bad memories that I shared with this particular ex ...always wonder how life would be IF... I broke up with him 11 years ago because of his "playboyish" act....i know if i ended with him, i may not be able to trust him ever...and i don't want that in a relationship...

so kalau ter-feeling2 these days, i dengar ler lagu WHAT IF by Kate Winslet....cakap memang senang but it's really hard to erase those memories....

-me, the nobody

Anonymous said...

ObiWanKelubi le ni,
Udaoh le HjhEsah ooi,Si Nazrin tu teman ingat udoh nikoh kut hari ni.
Biorle yang lepas2 tu ...udoh takde rezeki kome.
Teman punye cinte pertama ...syok sendiri je ...malulah nok cerite

Hjh Esah Jolie said...

Lee & Wan Kelubi, Raja Nazrin ni kisah chenta tak berbalas I...haiyoo..yang aku ni, sedar-sedar lah diri sikit...ni kisah my first love lah ni...berbalas tapi tak bersambut!

Me, the nobody, how true, eh? You know the Kate winslet song, really mengusik perasaan...when she hit the part..

What if I had never let you go..would u be the man I use know, If stay, if you tried, and we can only turn back time...but i guess we never know..

We will never know, tu lah masalah nya...

Lee Novotny said...

Oh Hjh Esah, mak pun sama..first love, chenta yang tak kesampaian still, like u said, mak kadang kadang dok terfikir what if dia sambut chenta mak? Musti mak dinch ke luar negara dan semestinya mak akan dok di Mesia sampai skang (agaknyalah)...**matilaa filem Sliding Doors, kan??? heheheh

Makcik Kiah Kidman said...

1. I think about my chenta agung at least once a week (pembohong..more often actually..kahkah)
2. I googled him once in a while

Motive? takde kerja kut...

Goddess Selene said...

My first love was a disaster! So mak takde la terfikir2 pasal first love kann?? Very der domestic violence githeww!! Mak la mangsanya! Kejap occay!!

Altho' kekadang tu ada la jugak fikir2 if mak nie bercouple ngan org lain, cannee la agaknye? Hiks...

P/s: Mrasa la Zara dgn ex-bf mak kann?? Oppsss...

DBI said...

tak der first love.. tapi ada cinta di hujung garisan jer...gitu..

Hjh Esah Jolie said...

Haiyoo..Lee, kalau lah chenta pertama tu bersambut, harus jadik surirumah, tunggu laki balik makang ikang bersama-sama lah kan...

Kiah, ko google dia ye...tu lah takde kerja.Why don't you suggest your MG mengerjakan u more? Harus kau bz manjang dan penant manjang, hence takde masa lah nak pi google jantan siamang itu.

Mak Eton Domestic Violence Victim nyehhh...nasib baik tak Allahyarhamah kan? Dipelangkung dgn periuk gulai 24 jam.

Takpelah...Zara dah kawin dgn yr ex..yg fenting he is the ex bukannya the future...(tapi hati tetap lah terluka geethoow kan?)

Hjh Esah Jolie said...

Cinta hujung garisan itu hapa DBI? Cinta dgn penjaga garisan trek lumba jalan kaki ke?

aizee said...

han, kau masih chenta ke dengan siamang ITM Arau tu? haiyooo...lama sudah tu,dari Perlis ke England, pastu balik Malaysia...apa hasil?

Goddess Selene said...

Walaupon mak nie victim of domestic violence tapi mak tetap She-Ra! Camne tuh?? Hiks..

P/s: Mak dah txt kat Zara "I'm the past ur the future" tapi "same script different cast"!! Volley?? Mrasa la kene cerai nnt kan? Oppssiiee!! Masin la mulut mak hendaknye! (sundals sgt mulut mak nie kan??)

Hjh Esah Jolie said...

aizee, kau ni pasal memecahkan lubang ku dikhalayak ramai mmg terrer naa?

Biar dia rasa Makji Eton, ni lah bahana nya merampas kekasih org lain...(bila la aku ni nak sadar diri ni?)

Goddess Selene said...

Mak dah tak sudi memandang wajah chomel Raja Nazrin lagi! *sambil tangan mak tgh tarik rambut Zara.. KILATTTTT!!!! Mrasa!!

Lee Novotny said...

Hjh Esah...haiyyooo u ols ni psychic kah??? How the hell did u know my first love was orang Ganu?????? **pitam

Belladonna said...

Betul tu Esah, cakap memang senang. Few months before aku kawin..aku masih teringat-ingat (until termimpi-mimpi..nasib bukan wet dream, haha) and wondering will i be happy if im with my ex. Cam tak puas hati je.

Finally Kobau suruh aku jejak kasih and resolve our unfinished business a month before kawin. You know what? I realised I made the best decision ever tinggalkan dia dulu sebab sampai sekarang dia masih 'melekat' ngan mak dia. My mom..my mom...my mom.. entah camno lah bini dia boleh cope.

The thing with starting over with a new person is.. memang susah mula2 sebab difficult nak lepas standard yang telah ditetapkan oleh previous relationship. Too much expectation, cam sial pun ada sebab trying to adapt susah sangat. Tapi lepas setahun 2, things will be okaylah. So sabar kena banyak sampai susah nak berak pun ado.. Ni jelah my 2 cent opinion :)

Hjh Esah Jolie said...

Haiyoo...coincidence lah Hjh Leemah...org ganu yek? Buatlah posting pasal dia.

Bella, point taken.

Makji Eton...bawaklah bersabar.

captainlukman said...

ermmmmmmmmmm hjh esah dulu kan mak berkonsep kan ' cintai dia yang mencintai mu'!! Boleh?? tapi tu dulu, now takda dah lagi perasaan gitu2. its not easy to vanished our 1st love in our life but mak boleh buat plak?**Ops** sebab mak sundels kah uolls???? api one point bila u dah fadeup, habis lah dia........