About Me

Monday, May 21, 2007

Let's Talk Things Through...Or Not!!!

A man came to my consulting room today telling me that his wife is driving him crazy.If I am in one of my sarcastic mood, I'll definitely ask him 'Is that why you're here, Sir?'...but you knowlah, it is hard to joke with a man because 13 out of 12, they will always going to take it in a wrong way. An angry man is always a hyper sensitive man and any constructive critisism can even reduce them feeling like the scum of the earth. Punyalah drama queen. This man, bad enough he is suffering from bipolar manic depression and solely depending on his manic side to give him a sense of adventure in his life. People with this condition would normally have their self-esteem decreased to zero when they're depressed and when you're depressed, everything can drive you crazy.

I have to say that it is very typical of men to blame their wife when something goes wrong in their life. Child misbehaving, wife's fault.Bedroom death, wife's fault. Marriage breakdown, wife's fault.What are theirs? Mostly nothing. Even if it is wife's fault, what cause it? How many men were that unfortunate to have marry an evil woman? Compare to woman that signed a death warrant everytime they agreed to become hamba abdi to their husband, men should count their self lucky. If they ever become hamba abdi is by choice. Women usually have no choice. The man they marry can transform into kerbau balau overnight and woman must remember that couple who live together will eventually look alike and that will explain why if one day you wake up and realised that you're not as interesting as your previous self before you marry the man. Jahat mulut ku.

When things went wrong, your first instinct is to talk it over.Is it really? I hardly come across anyone who will do this in their first instinct.I for once, will tell the world world about my problem before addressing it to the person that I have the problem with.The person that we usually have the problem with is by far the first person we avoid and the last person we talk to.True enough, if you say to your partner, 'we need to talk about our relationship', we would expect them to be very defensive (as in they normally think that there's isn't anything wrong), fidgety, distracted or shut down completely.When a woman told their their partner how unhappy they have been, men first reaction is to think that they're being punished for a crime they didn't commit.Men always wanted to be the last in a women problem's list.Most of the time they behave like they are not even the problem.Women often think that if only men were able to talk honestly and they both are most likely will avoid all the conflicts and misunderstandings and they will have better and more emotionally open relationship.

But, do you really think that talking things through, helps? I bet we can't count the amount of advise the professionals offer to those who is facing relationship problem, and it is probably more than the problems itself.For all we know that talking too much is probably making things worse.We maybe feel a lot calmer after talking things through with our partner little that we know that the other person is feeling very uncomfortable.Not only because the 'conversations' are usually the mutual complaints about how you both dislikes what each other is doing to each other, talking things through will make one realised that another is unhappy with them.Hmm..talking about so called 'open-mindedness'.

The jantan often critisised the partner how the wife is so berfikiran tak terbuka.Sometime, people ought to know what 'pemikiran terbuka' really is rather than sedap mulut accusing one of not feeling the same.I suspect that men often use this phrase for an easy way out especially when they're trapped with their own words.When I was dating someone long time ago, this man often announced dengan sombong bodohnya 'I ni open minded' bla bla bla...but at the same time slagging off a woman that befriend two men at the same time.I said to him that if he is as open minded as he seems, he should have mind his own business for what worth, that women is being smart by pre selecting the best man to win.

However open-minded a man want to be, honest truth is, it is uncomfortable for them to talk, especially when they feel shame, which is exactly what they are likely to experience when you approach them with anxiety or unhappiness.There's something more powerful than the stereotypical nagging wife and stonewalling husband at work here.It's the same dynamic that seizes both of you when you are startled by something.

Me and my partner has passed the stage of 'talking things through'.As much as people say, you both really have to sit down and talk...and if you have solution in your hand, that might work.But if you just want to talk pointing out one mistakes (by the way, if you tell your partner about some minor problem in your house, they will automatically think that you think they've made a mistake) you might as well bite your tongue than telling them how you feel and you get better reaction if you tell your cat.

The best time to talk things through is when you have had enough...and that time, your partner will start taking you seriously. Matilaa ajaran sesat.


Anonymous said...

Dear Esah,
Ni Ubiwankelubi ....ewah ewah ekau ni hebat betul alkutuki jembalang hidung belang semuanye ye.
Orang manic memang mcam tu,tang naik bulan die orang can become the biggest salesperson.I remember coming across someone who became the best carsalesman for 6 months as he sold 24 luxury cars amonth.Not unti he was sidelined by his depressive state of mind.
Somehow its not gender specific.

Gitulah adatnye jgn ekau jadi gitu dah le.Tentang ajaran baru yg ekau bawak ni aku tak boleh larang sebab ekau pun dah besor panjang,tapi member aku ingatkan aku ,sebab le ni semua org nak stail mail bagi org tengok,lagi ramai org terpegun lagi baguih dia bilang satu je....jangan kau nanti Tuhan pun tak pandang ,tak bau syurga...aku buat ape2 Tuhan tengok ,jadi aku malulah kat Dia.Biasanye org la ni depan CCTV baik le deme.....apelah aku ni bagi ceramah lak

Hjh Esah Jolie said...

What ever that mean...hopefully is well,as I have been reading your comment more than twice.

Terima kasih lah haaa...

Rockafella Gurl said...

uiksss.. pjg tul cite ko ni nok! trsengih2 aku baca.

tp dh keje ko kn.. bila client ko giler, ko lagi ler brtambah giler.. *cha aliff bot... cabottttt!

Lee Novotny said...

Kannn?? Time gaduh gaduh tuh manalah ada rasional nak duduk diam diam dan berdiskusi??? Yang banyaknya mesti fark-this and fark-that, noh???? Jerit jerit, pekik pekik tuh jgn cakaplah....ehhhhh matiker mak terkena kat muka sendiri?? **oopsss

Alaa yg pentingnya dua dua kena jaga hati memasing..kalau tak nak yang lain tu terluka, fikir dua tiga kali dulus ebelum buat apa apa keputusan...sometimes, elok berdiam diri daripada say it out loud..SOMETIMES!

Hjh Esah Jolie said...

Hjh Leemah..biasalaa part pakyu pakmi tu..cam takde ayat lain kan? Ni lah bahana nya kahwin dgn omputih ni...kalau kawin dgn Kelly Ng, habislah keluar pundek you kan?

Yanz...bertambah gila ka Makji? Ye lah semenjak kena snubbed dgn Raja Nazrin ni..jadik mcm ni lah...

Belladonna said...

Haiyoo..cefat pi masuk kelas bodypump or kickboxing. Ko ni stress bebenor ni aku tengok semenjak si RN kawin..