About Me

Monday, November 27, 2006

Non Committal Entry

Dayang Nurfaizah Takde Kena Mengena Dengan Masalah I

When I was ill not too long ago, I seem to have more time watching telly.Every channel, every daytime and night time talk show.British talk day time talk show are quite usually not very brilliant compared to the one that earned the night airtime.But that doesn't stop me watching from opening to ending credit.

Honestly,I have never been that ill.Not been to able to stand,walk and work.That kind of ill.I walked around the house with jimjams dengan tak mandi.Preventing all the wet energy.Difficult enough to get rid of the trapped bit that was shrouding my pair of lungs.When I came to the office today,one of my colleagues said to me that I look different.I honestly don't know what she meant by it.I guess that is the agony of being a woman.We don't seem to able to take everything at the first face value.Always suspecting ada udang disebalik batu or expecting there is another meanings of everythings.When people compliment or comment about your present hair,you can't help to wonder, what is wrong with the previous hairstyle...buruk kah?

So when this Polish lady told me that I look different now, I wonder..apahal lah pulak...makin tembam ke aku dek tidur macam kobau? I was lucky that my in tray was too heavy to carry its own weight, all that need sorting out and by that, I have less time to pikir all the tak patut dipikir things.

I spent almost half a day doing prep talk to my clients.Addressing what went wrong, complaints and what nots, site inspection, catching up with emails etc.Cuba-cuba jugak nak baca blog kawan-kawan tapi apakan daya mata and kakitangan tak cukup.Rasa bersalah bila tak boleh nak layan masalah kawan-kawan...tapi, insya allah...bila workload dah surut 2,3 hari pasni, akan ku berikan perhatianku yang tak berbelah bahagi.

Last Friday, in last attempt to selesaikan my masalah rumahtangga,I travelled all the way up to North London nak melawat Frankie.Liza dok pokpek pokpek dengan I asking me not to ikut sangat my hati batu, jumpalah dia bincang cemana-cemana.Dalam sejuk-sejuk, harungi jugaklah.Nak harap dia datang Twickenham, takkan adalah.Bongkak gila.Lepas peristiwa Lou 'slow talk' dengan dia that day,Frankie dah tak nak consider langsung visit I.

Frankly, the main reason I pergi is to see how I feel about the whole thing.Dah dekat sebulan tak jumpa.Bergaduh on the phone selalu.Exchange of words,jangan cakaplah...Frankie is so lucky yang I ni bukannya suka sangat mencarut.Kalau tak, habis dah dia...I ni, habis-habis marah pun, will only cakap..Ahh..piss off will you..and then letak lah telephone dengan ganasnya.Tunjuk marahlah tu.Yang jahanam nya telephone rumah aku.Gaduh ni tak nya yang bawak untung.Hati sakit, telephone rosak...naik lagi bill.Nasib baik kat UK ni banyak convenient all landline call free,Mobile phone free minutes yang pakai tak habis tu...broadband bayak sekali (12.99 aje per month, 8mb lagi) lantaklah berinternet dengan sewenang-wenang nya.

What I did over the weekend is discuss,gaduh..discuss,gaduh.Nangis-nangis...and in the end,takde jalan penyelesaian pun.The only thing that I agreed on is to make time to visit Frankie during weekday...and spend the weekend together.Ni belum cakap lagi ada plan dengan Miss Germany dengan Heaven this Saturday.Siaplah kena karang auta malam besok.

I guess, put aside all the moan above,all I want to say really is that committing is not easy.Especially a non committal person like me.I never have to commit with anyone.Hatta dengan mak ayah sekalipun.I want to explore further about my reluctance, on why I'm finding this situation suffocating, as much as I want to love and be loved,having knowing people that is expecting so much from you is mind aching.

I hope to have more time in my hand.I shall speak again soon.

10 comments:

lekiu@goonerfrustrated said...

Not my place to say, but It would seem that you're giving in quite a lot to Frankie. You appear to make a lot of concessions, I sure hope he bends a lot more for you than what you are willing to publicly state.

I should have thought, you would prize yourself. He should be the one chasing you.

It is going to be one heck of a relationship if he doesn't seem to want to do all the running in the relationship.

Having said that, perhaps there are many types of relationship, one man's honey maybe another man's poison.

My unsolicited advice, stay and fight for the relationship.....If you can honestly say this is the type of relationship that will make you happy (barring a few minor adjustments), if you can see yourself spending the future with him, if you can be certain that he will, if you need him, show you the support you showed him, if you can be sure he loves you as much if not more than you love him.

You have to believe that you are a prized asset ! Any man or woman that tells you otherwise ought to be given a tight slap (I used to be threatened with a "tight slap" masa kat skolah dulu.... tak pernah kena pun.. apsal cikgu panggil "tight slap" pun aku tatau ! Aku nakal dulu kecik kecik. Aku asyik kena transfer je sampai pegi 5 sekolah !! Haha.. whoops sorry this is not about me).

Anyway, aku dah lambat gi kerja. Malasnya aku nak gosok baju dan seluar. All the best ! Take care and live well.

And Ljungberg if you are reading this ... QUIT football and concentrate on becoming an underwear model !!

Arsene if you are also reading this blog, for the love of God, come January transfer window, please (on bended knees) please buy Torres, please do not use Clichy as left back, please revert to Flamini on the left. He doesn't overlap, but with Hleb, Rosicky, Fabregas, Henry, RvP, who needs a leftback who overlaps and is slow to track back? Clichy is not Cole. Not a good tackler, not good (yet) at overlapping and trackingback... ask him to stay put and stay there !!

Mr Wenger Sir, please push the defenders to jump higher and head the F@#$ing ball during crosses, set pieces, corners,... and please tell that German Shepherd to calm down !!

Anonymous said...

10 good reasons not to be with Frankie:

1) Frankie's Jealousy
2) Frankie's Insecurity
3) Frankie's Sarcasm
4) Frankie's Bo-layan-ness
5) Frankie's possessiveness
6) Frankie's not living under one roof with you
7) Frankie's not bothered to even come to see you at your own home
8) Frankie's not bothered to get to know your own culture
9) Frankie's not even bothered to be friend with your KBs
10) Frankie does not show that she cares about u.

Frankly speaking, Frankie...you are the weakest link... Goodbye!!!

p/s nok, you deserve someone's better!

Anonymous said...

Ljunberg!!! Ljunberg!! I love his package!! Yummy skals!!! **matilaaa takde kena mengena ngan artikel

Anonymous said...

i think i would agree with lee..

dun trouble yourself with love... it will ruin your future and your career.. and your life and your frenship... been there done that.

heavenvshell@home said...

i feel sorry to know your situation now...

but i do hope that you are fine...

ermm....anyway i`ll see you on saturday k...

p/s:jgn lupa hadiah bday i skali...ooppss.....

Danie Simpleton said...

ASsalamualaikom Han.

If what Lee has written about Frankie above is true, then perhaps Han, you have every right to ceremoniously dump that bloke.

Bloody wanker to any guys who disregard their girlfriends, or vice versa.

Belladonna said...

Han, setelah mendengar ceritamu iniew..aku rasa ko banyak sangat mengalah nok. Ko selalu rela dibuli oleh seladang yang hampeh dan tidak tahu meng-appreciate mu ittew. Emm, tak gentleman la kalau dia jarang nak visit uols hanya semata-mata kerna slow talk si Lou yang amat besar ittew. We ols pun tak tau apa yg Lou kata kt dia, but kalau dia man enough to admit his mistake and try to mend the relationship, kan senang cerita. Mak tak rela ko berkongsi sadin asam segala ngan siseladang (macamlah dia makan sadin tu pon..kuikuikui).

Polish lady tu kata ko nampak diffrent maybe pasal ko rupa lepas baik sakit kot? Sapa kata tidur seminggu bole menembamkan muka? sembab adolah. Ko kan baru lepas baik sakit, haruslah rupa lain sket.

Walaumacam manapun, aku harap korang akan dapat formula untuk masalah 'house-stair' iniew and moga endingnya pun baik for both of you *sambil tight slap Lekiu sebab tarik duvet until aku takde selimut...

lekiu said...

by the way, Frankie reminds me of that 80s group Frankie Goes To Hollywood yang popular ngan lagu Relax... damn I am old !

:: samasam :: said...

couple dgn i aje la kak. senang. hiks

Han said...

Aduhhhh....thanks for the advice.Ramainya yang concern.Yang meng 'offer' diri pun ada....

Life is sometimes not a bed of roses.Nor that it's always cruel too.Just try not to let the water runs dry.

Something is worth to 'meyeksa batin' for.Human patience is like ice in the skating ring.It will wears thin kalau hari-hari dah digasak begitu ropa.

I'm doing what I can and hoping for the best to come out of it.Apart from listening to my insecurities noises, I am also allowing myself to see and hear the other side of the story.

Thank you so much for the thoughts...tindakan akan diambil segera.Harap Maklum.