Thursday, November 16, 2006
High...on drugs notes
Pneumonia, confirmed!!! Along with the doctor's judgement,my sentenced is a weeklong imprisonment in my bedroom.No visitation or parole allowed.I plead through my human rights lawyer to fight on my behalf, can I still have my mobile phone and internet connection? Yes.Since the human right barrister was moir.
I executed a work decision while highly influenced by drugs.In bed and in absolute drowsyness.Work to me is like Siamese Twins.I wish I can seperate from it completely.I don't know why I still can't.Maybe because I am lonely and throwing myself at work seems to justify every inch of empty spaces.Miss Nigeria keep texting asking me to rest whilst she 'berperang' on my behalf.Dealing with people problem is not as easy as dealing with computer.If you work as a computer fixer,once fed up,bengang or penat, you can easily switch them off, store them aside and continue at a later date when you're sober from your irrational intoxication.Dealing with the broken soul require high energy that can only stop when they stop.I called the people I work with a 'Broken Soul'.Why? Sounded harsh,this is the reality.Their life complications can't be mend unless with Yoda Superpower.The live by day.Some are good and some can make you wish that you have a licence to kill them.But, they are still a breathing soul.Can't do much.
One of the broken soul that I currently work with is suffering from OC Behaviour, on top of her mild learning difficulties.It is well controlled by a prescribed drug,merely to keep her calm but not exactly to wash it from her system.
One of her obsession that our team is finding it hard to deal with is her sexual apppetite and her reluctant to spend her money.It is always going to be a battle and god knows how many times I have had problems with DWP regarding her excessive amount of savings.Giving informed choice sometimes evaporated into a thin air.Useless.
Miss Nigeria rang me last night reporting her unusual behaviour.Mind you, the Broken Soul have no consideration of others because they only know about that this world are beautifully wrapped around them.Owing it to Autism where in their world, nobody exist but them.
Recently, this young woman have befriended a young and obviously vulnerable young man.We are quite pleased with the positive relationship,in fact,the professional related to her care think that this is a new leaf for her after plenty of disastrous unrequited relationship.
But what they failed or refuse to acknowledge is that she can never hold a positive relationship without a support.That is her learning difficulties bit.Her mental health problems bit is she refuses to listen to other (possibly thinking that she is right) and the OC bit is she is insanely obsess with this young man.And we have got to deal with this 3 beradik yang syaitan.
She ended up stalking him.A natural curiosity turning into unhealthy preoccupation.Her love for this man has turned into a pathological bent.She has completely lost her sense of boundaries.We realised but her current appropriate professional keep saying that this is a positive relationship.
On behalf of all the stalker out there, on the deeper level, I think that they projects a part of themselves onto their victim.This are the point that the stalker ceases to see that they and their victim are separate.If you read my blog, you must know about my experience with Wan Zaleha Radzi.At some madness point, when I can't be with her, I opted to be 'like' her.I'm so lucky that I still have a power to separate owing to no defect on my brain at birth.Shameful truth, I was 50% like her.I got a same degree (from law switched to econs),I tried to like what she likes and ended up driving a same type of car.God knows I tried to like horses but there is certain much that you can follow.It was indeed a hard act.But, I have always maintain my innocence.My obsession was a healthy one.I was a clueless person.Thanks to my immature days.It is good that I obsessed with someone so 'bagus' like her.Buatnya I obsessed dengan some ppl who tak pass SPM and only berangan for anak Sultan Brunei to pinang them, how lah? Jadi penternak anak yang berjaya lah kesudahannya with perks.Not forgetting makan hati because your rich husband are ever so eligible to replace you.
This young girl obsession for a boyfriend is a mass displacement, in which we seek to live out our lives through other people.My message for Anne (Miss Nigeria) is simple.Talk to her.Try to break down such vicarious fantasies.Choose words carefully.They don't like to be persecuted.In a way, in a long run, they will reclaim the different parts of themselves and find the strength and ability to see joy,love,jealousy and hatred for themselves, in relation to people with whom they are intimate in reality.
I'm not sure we will succeed.Her brain is not strong enough to understand.This is why some of us are still unable to see the good fact.Because of their learning difficulties.Nobody's fault.
To all the people who are not well like me, GET WELL SOON.