About Me

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

3rd Party Anxieties


I would love to discuss my recent case with you all,but let me englighten some 'vague,odd yet questionable' bits about me.I never knew people would notice,and if I may,I'll tell you the meanings behind the odd thing that I did.

I pakai wrist watch on my right hand.
The logic behind it is really because, my left hand is weak.I joined Karate when I was 6 and got caught in a freak accident while stupid demonstration with my abang.I needed 3 stitches for that and because of it, I inadvertantly refuse to make use of my left hand a lot.So, my left hand become passive and 'invalid', in my wildest 6 years old thoughts.Subsequently, I worship my tangan kanan like mad and wear every single accessories only on my right hand.

The 'Freud-Newton-Jung' Analysis - Those who worship the right hand is in awe of taking control and authoritarian.Good or bad.

I pakai jam anti clockwise.
The logic behind it is because, disebabkan aku ni ganas macam jantan, permukaan jam tu selalu bercalar-calar.Following the law of physic,untuk mengurangkan hayunan gravity,it is a lot easier to have the 'face' the other way around so that you can save yourself from doing the whole pusingan 45 darjah.All that equals to pemantauan gerak ganas & malas.

The analysis? Same as the first one.

You all must know that Social Worker is the most hated profession in the UK (I don't know about worldwide) People's perception is about us telling them how to run their lives, taking their children away so on, so on.The bit they missed out is that we represent the individual who is unable to reach out,emotionally repressed and too vulnerable.People here are so lucky to have Social Services that are watching them.I read about this bloody old man in Malaysia who has just been released from prison after raping his own daughter.Not even a year after his release, he re offend and raped another daughter and is now back in prison.

Where was the Social Services people in this? His female family members are obviously should be put away from him considering their vulnerability and his past history.People might assume that he dah bertaubat after all that years been locked.So wrong.They took chances.Yeah...he loves his daughter...with every inch of his manhood!!! Patut mati aje si tua kutuk ittew.

This is what Social Worker does.We protect the vulnerable rights.The vulnerable quite usually can't speak up for themselves and quite often were abused.Social Worker do not tell/teach people to run their lives.Social Worker just pave a way to a better living and of course, if godwill, to prevent unforeseen things like the development of a future monster.Human upbringings contributes almost 75% of how they turned up.Social Worker usually saved the innocent ones from the evil upbringings.That is amongst the common things they do.Job scope is insanely huge.Nak cerita pun tak cukup page.

I mentioned before that I'm doing this job by choice.I could have do other things, less stressful job with more sociable hours.When I turned 28, I did a lot of soul searching.I questioned myself a lot.I am happy with my life but I'm not happy with me.That is unfortunately very much related to each other that, if you're unhappy in one, quite possibly you can end up unhappy at all.

I left my 'high profile' job and I started from scratch.I met Frankie at the same time while still finding a right path for me to walk on.I am graciously greedy for self satisfaction.The fastest satisfaction you can get is when dealing with people.Almost instantly you will know whether you're doing a good job or not.I have been following what I called an intended life path.Father wants this...I do this...that goes on for many,many years.Not that I'm unhappy but somehow, I realised things doesn't seems 'okay'.

I have a curious mind that ultimately made me a weird person.Weird in my own discipline.Along the way, I know I had some issues needs resolving, without knowing what it was.

It seems appropriate to make some generalisation about the anxieties that are stirred up in those individuals.How these anxieties can lead to the need to for contact.One of the ways of thinking about these contacts is in terms of parental anxieties.We may beset with doubt,will we be alright,will we managed on our own,was it help helpful or should we do something different? We are so familiar with despair.We feel anxious and concerned, only to find when we return or look back,life has been going well for us.We survived this far.It is not that our anxiety has been pointless or misplaced, but rather we may well be doing what our parents do for us; containing the anxiety, holding on to the fear that the child will not manage for itself.

One of the hardest aspect of learning is to accept that parts of your lives is private.I wish I can explore further on this but, I'm still finding it very hard to accept this myself.

I guess that what I really want to tell is that I'm greedy and selfish.This is a greedy and selfish job.It looks like you're lending hand to others but the fact is,you are really helping yourselves.

If only my explanations make sense.

5 comments:

lekiu said...

Interesting anecdote about your peculiarity in wearing a wrist watch. The life of a celeb, every inch is scritunised. lol.

You mentioned, "job by choice" "soul searching", I haven't done those thing in ages. I wish I have the courage, like you, to follow the heart and not prostitute myself for some promised gains.

I dont know you that much, but I doubt it that you are weird. I believe that you are very brave and you have, at the risk of sounding very corny, a good heart. Notice how strange sounding phrase that is ?

Someone once said, we are who we protect. Helping others to satisfy oneself is not greedy and selfish as you described. Maybe in your own way, you are trying to reach out, trying to understand you, trying to make peace with your past. We all need some counduit of sorts. So long it is a 2 way traffic, such noble deed by you could hardly be described as selfish.

Emotions, past history and feelings, are very strong driving forces in why we do certain things in our lives. Most people do not fully understand how our past dictate our present course of action. It is like playing a scratched vinyl record, until someone changes the needle to some other track, it will keep on playing the scratched tune.

Hope you could contract with your past, that it would howl in peace and you have your peace.

Belladonna said...

Aku pun tak perasan ko pakai jam terbalik until Lekiu pointed it out..But aku pun pakai jam kat tangan kanan sebab aku kidal, so menulis senang sket.

Stephen said...

speaking of social workers, kat tempat kamek is more sinonim to tempat ambik $$. Kalau ada banjir, kebakaran, etc, hah meriah lah ofis Jabatan kebajikan. There's one time ada kebakaran tak sure if its rumah panjang or rumah kampung at our place, well, the jbt kebajikan tak menahu langusng, from what i assumed, it's wasnt reported on the local newspaper, only the chinese daily yg ada liputan of the incident, so, they dont get to know anything bout the fire unless osmeone came to ask for help. Cant really blame them as gua sendiri pun tak menyedari sangat pasal jabatan kebajikan nie until my fren mausk kerja kat sana...hehehe...

Han said...

menakk ka Steve? Nya kerja merik duit ajakkk? Oh..kamek pun pun mauk bah.

Han said...

LeQ, feel free to ask more questions...hehehe