Sunday, November 12, 2006
Over Justification Sometimes Not Required...
Itik Angsa Yang Garang Telah Mengejarku Dipagi Hari...Celbeds betul
I volunteered for my local health service 'Crisis Line'...or shall I say, I used to volunteer for them before my hands become too tight.It sounds easy.Physically it is.I just have to be at the end of the telephone line and listen.People assumed that people like me can solved 'serious issue'.That is a common general assumption.They think that we 'judge' and we 'over analysed'.Truthfully? We don't.We are ear lenders,in exchange of some humble remunerations.And majority of the caller is male.As much as they want to keep things inside,some of them are wise enough not to make themselves edible to their own insanity.We don't know who they are but We are glad that we were there to listened.
There is also certain etiquette to obliged to.We can't listen to those who are close to home...if you know what I mean.We must not have connection against one another.We have to be visible to each other only in the treatment room.Don't asky why, but if you give yourself a moment to think,there is a big fat reasons for that, one being emotional attachment or to be cruelly put, judgemental.
Enough preface words.I don't have time.I had a wonderful time at my mate's Civil Partnership Ceremony & Reception yesterday.It is so sweet to see two people declaring their love and commitment to each other in a equal way.This is the thing that I love about Matsalleh's weddings.When they say their vows, they say it to each other and they say it together.Equal opportunity.Cultural differences aside but isn't it nice to declare feelings and promises to each other with family and friends as your witness? Well,they were very happy in the end.So was I and Lee.We had so much fun browsing 'vontot' and 'pisang'.Thanks to the unique concoctions of ubat batuk,lozenge sakit tekak,champagne and Diet Coke,I became deadly 'bengong' and started to mismatch Lee with any jantan we came across.I stayed over and slept soundly.Lee, if you're reading this, sorry lah ye.Nak buat cemana...
Today,I looked back and started reading again.My blog page that is.I was having some irritable moment these past couple of days but it is now gradually fading away.Not completely gone but bearable.I'm so glad and thankful that I have you that is virtually listening.I must have expressed myself well that in the end I feel a lot lighter.I read back of what was said,what was answered.How interesting to realised that so many of us hanging on this 'relationship' through imagination,assumptions and fantasy.That keeps us going.Same like how we carry on with our lives.We are living in anticipation of what is going to happen next.I have my own fantasy of my virtual mates.How and what.But meantime,I am just trying to be me without creating or presenting any fictitious type.I'm living up to what was intended of this blog.The therapeutic frame of mind.I personally need it.Along the way, I am very fortunate to have you sharing your thoughts with me.And for that, I can't thank you enough.
I can't help to feel that there's some birds and bees that subconsciously affected and therefore started to form a defence.Well, there's no need for that.In our lives,we are the only person we should convince and pleased.Not others.We made mistakes,we created issues,we developed complications and we have all the right in the world to do exactly what our heart desires.
I welcome all of you in my space.Personally, I am a very private and introvert person.It doesn't bother me if I don't know you.But I'm really glad I did.But I do apologise if you are easily offended or by any chance have your anxiety escalated inevitably.
What I do for a living is to support people living with their complications.I don't (god know how I want) judge.I don't analysed.But I observed.I observed carefully,sensitively,rationally and methodically in order to help me to help them.I try my very best to be as casual.I used to think that nobody can change because of genetic reasons.Well, the fact is we inherited subconsciously what we saw when we were a child.I used to excused my mood swings and temperament for genetics reasons.Yeah..yeah...I inherited this from this person...the truth is we copy.We copy from home the way to cope and the way to behave.Some people express their feelings through anger and emotion and being a child, we were taught by many method.Emotional and verbal expression,vision,sounds and feels.Nothing genetic apart from looks or anything hereditary.
My own experience of the therapeutic relationship underlies all that I have written, as well as continuing to enrich every aspect of my life.I have no expectation of you and I really and sincerely hope that you feel the same.Just be happy.