What Shall I Wear Tomorrow?

I 'kena paksa' to attend another training this morning, with such a short notice from my boss.Well, my boss rationale is, because of the thing with POVA people (Protection Of Vulnerable Adult) it will look good if we (the management yakni myself) equipped ourselves with as much training as possible, obviously for boosting credential reason. Because of the notice was so last minute, I showed up at the HQ wearing my usual gear, the informal wear. In the end, apart from another manager from South London project,it was only me who wears like wanting to go window shopping rather than facing up to these hard done by bosses and the course trainer. Bovverred!! Nahhh..

I quite like the training although I can swear that the course trainer is eyeing me up.Suka kat rambut aku kot? All the way through training,apart from discussing Paul McCartney and his estranged wife, how she wasn't at all entitled to his wealth (siapa kata Mat Salleh tak pandai mengata, hah?) the trainer, who was by the way a lady of maybe in her 50's tapi muka boleh tahan lah (thanks to plastic surgeon lah kot!) that repeatedly saying how she hated Heather Mills, how she brought disrepute to all women in the world bladi bla...she also made a point saying that she have a great respect for women..and she loves women..and she wish she was gay...pastu, pandang-pandang kat I lah pulak.I suspected that she was staring at my rainbow bangle (yg I beli from Brighton Pride) Kan ke giveaway clue tu? Well,making people wonder and guessing is a cheap thrill but worth doing. For some weird reason (speaking for myself) it gives you the feeling that how wonderful it is to enjoy the compliment (kalau ada) or the excitement being checked out by another woman. Hahahahah!!! (Gelak nervous)

For someone who is presenting the topic of Bereavement & Loss, this lady was a complete marble stone. I can only guessed that she experienced more 'death' than other normal people usually do. Well, how many people you know will die in such a short span? Considering that she is also working with the Hospice (where everyone is practically dying) and volunteering with the 'Samaritans' who if you can imagine, getting millions of calls on daily basis from those who actually want to kill themselves today.

The course trainer a.k.a. the Lady that wish she was gay, keep picking on me (maybe because I dok diam-diam) and keep asking how did I deal with my grief and loss. As if I want to share...but I did in the end and again, the whole boardroom attention was focused on me while I was rendering my 'Kisah Benar'.

I always knew that I'm dealing with 2 major losses in my life because I discussed it in my therapy and the fact that I'm still talking about it till today and that gives out the sign that I never actually move on. How sad.Suddenly, I was this open book to everyone in that training, as if like I trust them with anything where for the last 5 years, nobody in the organisation really know me. My incognito clothing was stripped before my conscious eyes. Ni semua angkara that Lady. And I still think that she fancies me.

I regret having to mistrust people but I have no choice because I am bad at reading them.Didn't work out too badly, in my case.

This is all I can afford to update today. I was back at my project at 3pm today and my colleague gave me this list of names of people who called and wanted me to return their call back. Liza was frantically looking for me because the Thames Water bill collector was chasing her after some unpaid bills for the property that we have moved out from years ago. And, I have another meeting to go to tomorrow at 12noon and i'll be staying late at work tonight, most possibly sleeping there.I still haven't figured out what to wear tomorrow. Appearances matter, of course. You want to look out-of-the-box and yet acceptable to a bunch of officials. Considering that all I wear are jeans and trainers and things that go with jeans and trainers, it might mean my initial investment in this meeting (to ask for some increement) shall include a visit to GAP. Wish me luck!