Post Weekend Blues

MONICA MUSYKIL

TGIF.I love Fridays. Mainly it is because that I’m off work, literally off work and terlepas dari tanggungjawab menjadi ‘on call’. I will be in a totally separate world from my usual one and will enter another world where I will have to find reason for every single thing. This is my chosen path. Will I rot in my rut? Quite possibly.

I hated it when ITV has now stopped producing ‘Bad Girls’. In it presumably last episode last night, they don’t bother showing my luscious Pat Kerrigan on air. The usual as usual being manipulated by someone that, not fairly academically intelligent but have the fortune of having to watch wider television screen from the inmates (pening aku dek my own metaphor, kenapalah tak cakap aje, okay, orang ni pandai lebih sikit aje dari all that banduens because obviously,banduens punya movement kan limited, so tak banyak lah benda/anasir-anasir luar yang boleh diobserved) Like us lah, banyak berjalan, banyak membaca, banyak bercampur equals to banyaklah pengetahuans.

Cakap pasal pengetahuans, lately ni, I have started to expand my web horizons by bloghopping. I come across so many beautiful souls that write beautifully. A must read has always been Peragawati & Lee. So were the sexy lot (Leez,Imah Lenggok) when I need to get in touch with my sexual side. These unpretentious lots can crack you up just like that. Well, works for me. Ada jugak yang ‘macam bagus’.The sort of people who worship their own ground, trying very hard to make up impression and gradually losing sight of their original self. And I also come across some who labelled himself ‘Metrosexual’. Well, you are either this or that. I don’t believe such thing exists. Okay, it is common that man can sometimes over indulge themselves into ‘looking good’. Apa salahnya. And it is all for yourself. Sexual orientation hanya ada 3. You suka prempuan, suka lelaki or suka both. Metrosexual? A term for man who has a strong aesthetic sense and spends a great amount of time and money on his appearance and lifestyle. Kalau macam tu, my father pon ‘Metrosexual’ lah agaknya, pasal my father kalau berhias, kalah my mother. In my opinion (maaflah kalau meng offend orang lain) people who hides behind this label is those who are currently playing hide and seek in the closet. Tapi, asalkan mereka bahagia. Yang tak syoknya, ada pulak Enforcement Officer yang bloghopping especially kat ‘Erotic Nature’ channel and pastu ‘menganonymouskan’ diri and comment ‘Oh ingatlah Allah, bagai. Terima Kasih for the peringatan, but what the hell are you doing in there in the first place?’ What made you think that they ‘tak ingat Allah’?. Pergilah masuk blog Raihan ke, Al Qaida ke, Jemaah Islamiyah ke…

And I continue to read a little bit of this that. I need to laugh because I don’t get to laugh (very much) everyday at work. Every Monday, I will put on my this protection shield that is a must-to-wear for work, and that is muka tebal, hati tebal and last but not least, tahap kesabaran yang lebih tinggi dari the tallest building in the world (apa hah, sah le kena start membaca ni)

Selalunya, this protective clothing will start wearing on Thursdays, because Thursdays is the last day I see them and they know this.It is very hard and difficult to put on a calm front when every single good emotions are thinning and all you want to do is to say goodbye nicely, because they need to remember you as this nice person till they see you next. I think (because I takde anak) this is just like saying goodbye to your kids before you go to work or something where you need to leave them for a certain period. They will remember you best if you kiss them goodbye and promised them Kit Kat, but if you muttered ‘Siap kau, nanti Mak balik, Mak kerja kan kau’ and the obvious is the kid will spend his/her days thinking ‘I hope you never return’.

My partner have been asking me to leave this all behind. Apparently, the whole things has messed me up. I wasn’t this cheerful person anymore. It wasn’t the job, it was me, dalam hati I berkata bila dia komplen. Macam mana nak cheerful kalau hari-hari kena wind up, kalau dengan orang lain takpelah jugak, ni dengan si chenta hati. Emmm…that’s is something to look at deeply. I wasn’t happy at all in this relationship. The power struggle bit. We are both very dominant person who wants ‘this to be like this’ and sadly this combination is killing the loving feeling we have.

Masa nilah nak layan lagu Dionne Warwick…...I got to say it and it's hard for me
You got me cryin' like I thought I would never be
Love is believin' but you let me down how can I love you when you ain't around
And I ..... (imaginelah hidung dia yang kembang kempis tu)

Get to the morning and you never call love should be everything or not at all
And it don't matter what ever you do I made a life out of lovin' you

Only to find any dream that I follow is dying
I'm cryin' in the rain
I could be searchin' my world for a love everlasting
Feeling no pain, when will we meet again …

Ok..silalah habiskan lagu ini dan menangis lah…bagus tau untuk kesihatan diri.