Make Sense Of Your Problems

Lupa nak bagitahu..ish, macamlah ada orang yang bertanya pun....that we in this Department (where I am currently attached to) adalah sangatlah digalakkan membuat kerja-kerja community yang tak bergaji...seperti menjawab panggilan-panggilan kecemasan...I'm not sure if this service is available in Malaysia but in the UK, it is called 'Crisis Line'.

So, setelah beberapa purnama menipu dan mengelat kat supervisor 'Crisis Line' ni, I pun sebab dah takde alasang..nak kata busy kerja..nanti dia cakap..ohh..kata busy, tapi boleh pulak pergi annual leave sampai 28 hari...so I agreed to sit in for 5 hours voluntary work...dengan harapan..takdelah orang sewel yang akan menggangguku...

Tapi...ada 3 caller you.....

Sometimes you can get those with their own problems. Ada tu pulak...masalah orang lain..like their friends and family yang they all kononnnya nak tolong selesaikan...or something of others that is affecting them direct and indirectly. Yang nak I umpat bukannya masaalah they all tu..but I sometimes wonder..betul kah yang tukang tanya tu tanya untuk orang lain or sebenarnya malu nak ngaku diri sendiri yang huru hara?

Problems is everywhere..dalam sokabar la..dalam telephone la..dalam radio laa..dalam TV laa....

I don't know how to explain to you this but i usually know what genuine and what's made up.

Ada orang problemnya..her friend is a constant dieters who always talks about what she's going to eat, or can't eat everytime they go out. Her friend ni will point out that she (the caller) is eating something calorific.Satu dua kali takpe..but after that it gets on her nerves. She said that her friend was anorexic in the past and now and then if dia terlebih makan, she will diets freciously. The caller ni kononnnya can't be bothered with any diets and find her friend's obsession is annoying.Tapi demi nak jaga hati kawan, she don't want to make a light of it yang si kawannya ni has a problem.

I don't know about you..but I really (maybe envy) hate orang yang bangsa takut makan ni...if you have a valid reason like takut makan ni pasal allergy or any health complexity like makan kambing then kena heart attack, then is bearable.Eating is a way of bonding...apart from exercise yang lain-lain...the casualty is you put on a bit (and more bit) of weight but uncounsciously, if you agree to go makan-makan, does that not tell you that you sebenarnya nak melantak? I must admit, I am one of this anti-social malu tapi mau pelantak.Orang ajak makan..I jawab..alaa..aku dah debab la...tapi pastu..hey, tolong masak nasik lemak.Apo makno eh tu?

It is very unfortunate that you have to keep your opinion to yourself doing this job...and so, I was careful supporting her plight...

It is obvious that si pemasaalah (the caller or her friend) is worried about the weight gain and the reaction is to seek assurance from the other person and that she is right to be concerned.You hide your true feelings and appear to take her problem seriously.Of course, your apparent concern reassures her and makes her feel justified in bringing up the subject.

My advice would be...kalau sipengomplen makes an anxious comment about food, act as if you don't hear her. You could say something like...there is so many interesting things to talk about...

If you wish to be totally direct, you could tell her that food-related conversations aren't really for you and would you please talk about something else?

You must remember...the person we find hard to convince is ourself.Being vain is okay...tapi kalau sampai takde benda lain yang nak diobses...tu gilo namo eh...

Another common problem you heard is that your partner says he/she doesn't want children. If a lady called, she will say it is her pakwe..vice versa.But you really don't know siapa sebenarnya yang tak nak beranak ni...

Macam ni lah...assess your relationship....how long have you been with your current partner and how old are you now? Kalau baru kawan/kawin and tetiba broody, you really wnat to think that having a child is not a small thing.You're still young...baru dua puluhan.Not many men or women are ready to be tied down with kids.Commitment with each other pun kira pengorbanan besar..ni nak berkorban lagi untuk anak.Talk to your partner nicely if you're not ready and that you still have time.

Tapi kalau dah kawan/kawin bertahun and umur dah dekat tarikh luput for producing...maybe it is best to give your partner an ultimatum.Nak tunggu apa lagi? He/she know what a baby is...if he/she not sharing your dream and enthusiasm and not even willing to compromise, carilah yang lain.Habis cerita, kan?

Para-para parents pulak, problem nya..is it okay to have a favourite child? From what I think, it is totally normal to find some people including children,easier to get along with than others,although such preferences may change with time. When we talk about interpersonal attraction, it's intresting that likes do not generally attract likes. We tend to prefer people with temperaments complementary to our own rather than the same as our own.At the same time we gravitate towards people whose values and outlook are more like our own.We tend to dislike those with personality traits that we wish we could change in ourselves.

If you're willing to- and d0-make sacrifices for and extend yourself for the good of your children and show that you love them both.I think (not that I'm a parent or an expert) it is best to treat this matter lightly.Let your children choose which of you they want to be with whenever possible.Remember, if you're finding one of them difficult, he or she probably feels the same way about you. You musn't worry if this is the case. Child may not favour you as much as their father or mother, but they do love you the same,only they will find it easier to express their feelings to the other one.

I know.

Note To You...and To Self

I arrived London yesterday and back in the office today. I don't suffer from the jetlag although I did got up at my normal waking up in KL..1pm. Hehehe...

Mana yang tak sempat ditelefoni...I can only menyusun sepuluh jari...

Mana yang tak sempat nak jumpa...pun sama juga, although I would like to say that it is only normal for me to respond to those who has approached...I ni pemaliewww orang nya. So mana yang terasa dan menyangkakan yang I ni Diva Divana gila...memang I Diva Divana gila pun...and I can only mix with the alike. Ceh...

I'm sure those who live far from the love ones who only jumpa mak bapak setahun sekali (kalau kaya) familiar with the uncertainty feelings.Especially bila dah dekat-dekat hari nak balik tu.

It was equally hard for me too. Kadang-kadang kita tak tahu..maybe ni lah last time kita dapat jumpa orang2 ni...

I was having a quite difficult time 'gelling' with my father this time and instead of playing along the rule of thumb like my other siblings...I displayed my kekerasan hati with no indication to back down.

I don't know why I did it...but I suspect, it is the only way for me not to get over attached!!!

Father however mellowed...(terbalik betul) and I really did enjoy my holiday finale moment walaupun aku tak petah berkata-kata dek kerna mulut ku yang bengkak macam tembikai ittew.

Like before...penyu menangis takde orang nampak...menangis kat dalam taxi..kat boarding hall...on the flight back.

One person said...'Makji, you duduk far-far away is entirely your choice and within your control, so kalau tiba-tiba you rasa emosi...you kena ingatlah ini pilihan you, bukannya orang lain.Harap-harap you tahulah apa yang you buat'....

Ish....panas hati jugak I baca this comment but in the end, you really have to surrender to the fact that orang can bercakap ikut sedap hati.

On the whole, it may look like this is the choice that I made freewillingly...but if we trode further, although is a choice, it remain a few choices you had to choose hoping that it will work out.

Ikut hati boleh mati....tak ikut hati pun...boleh mati merana juga...we can never know what is in store.

You marry someone you love hoping that it will be the best ever decision you have made and never to dream about him nak menyundal dengan orang lain ditengah hari...you will then left with a decision...should you carry on? Anak dah 2,3...they need a father/mother.You are nervous thinking about how well will you cope alone.Apa orang kata? We sometimes think too much.If marriage failed because of your partner pergi ber gewe pulak dengan tah sapa-sapa sundal malam...you will be anxious pulak dengan potensi-potensi komen puaka like...'mana tak nya si laki/bini cari orang lain..kau tengok lah dia nya pun...'.

You will then be so,so nervous about other women who will now think that you are available to sambar their laki now that you dah kena tinggal...and that you're desperate for their laki 'alat picagari'.

The thought of readjusting your life from the usual boring but bearable to something so uncertain you can't imagine is equally nervewrecking too.

So what can we do with our choices yang berlambak-lambak tu?

Kita pun tak tau kan?

I have read about people not getting along with their parents and talk openly about their feelings only to be met with comments like...'alah, you ada 2 aje parents masih hidup, cuba-cubalah bersyukur and menghargai sementara orang tu masih ada' or something like ' you ni anak tak mengenang budi..kalaulah parents you jahat sangat, you tak kan besar jadi orang'..bla..bla..bla..

But how do we know that they haven't tried? Relationships with parents can be difficult and ye lah, orang tu mungkin tak kan hidup lama tapi berbaloi ke bergaduh dan menyeksa hati demi menurutkan apa orang mintak?

Nobody wants a bad relationship. Sometimes things are not easy as it seems.You really got to find a way that works.And only you know what works...not those yang hanya tahu membukak mulut macam dialah yang tahu semuanya...

And I don't have a point. I only want your empathy.

Contemplating...

Dalam pada laptopku ittew gagal berfungsi sepenuhnya (adapter nya rosak ...hish..all this gadgets kan...ada aje idea nak ngabiskan duitku) I am so determine to update my blog, walaupun terpaksa pinjam computer orang.

I told 2 of my friends merangkap bloggers yang malas menghapdate blog that I intend to make this page private.

I told them that my reason is sebab I malas nak hupdate.Tapikan..tu reason palsu tawww....

If I can be honest, I have lately find blogging is a bit emotionally overbearing.

As much as I enjoy making and meeting new friends, I soon realised that I am not even half of what people think I am.Itu tak pe lagi...well,I think everyone knows that they shouldn't believe what they read, so if I lied, I got away with it.

I have nice people who gave nice feedback...too nice that I am now very,very anxious.

I also have have nice people who wants to be my Facebook friends.Some who passed security questions dah lepas lah masuk...but to those who are still pending, I really do have to apologise.

I have my fair share of bad comments (that obviously tak kena published) and kata-kata sindiran.How quick people to judge.

I am like you and like other people you know who can be emotionally affected.I too, get offended with obscenities and harsh critisism.Simply because my self esteem is not as high as I want it to be.

Like many others, I have my own problems,moment of madness,bad day and any other things. It is not easy to remain 'tak kisah' dengan apa orang kata.

You want to be honest with what's in your head...pun orang kata.I wonder if I write about my shopping trips (if any) and my non-existent private activities...lagi lah orang cakap macam-macam.

To those yang menyindir...I have no response to your sindiran.But I must tell you that you have succeeded in your intention, whatever it is it's only clear only to you. I hope you're happy.

To those yang mencarut,those who question my faith hence passing judgement to my parents ability, all I can say that I will not judge your parents based on your action, however I do hope that in future you lay off them.

I seems to get this question a lot...tak menyesalkah you kalau mak bapak you mati you takde nak mengadap?

If I can answer this question with all honesty...of course I wish to be with them on their last day however I do believe that this is a rezeki awarded by Allah.You can live next door to your parents and missed the final call.You don't know...and it is only fair if you don't assume.

Believe me, nobody wants to be far,far from parents,siblings and friends but if life is that easy, we won't be having this conversation.

Speak soon.

To My Friends

I had my wisdom tooth extracted out yesterday.Today...my left cheek is a bit fatter.In this matter, the fat doesn't really bother me.

To meet the appoinment time, I asked MB to arranged a taxi the night before to take me all the way to Cheras.I swear, kalaulah tak pasal appoinment hari ni, I never knew that this hospital exist.

I don't know whether it is all Dentists or is it just my friend (who happened to be one) think that they are at liberty to bagi komen-komen puaka about your gigi.

Bad enough that you have to live with your gigi yang tak proportion due to your childhood stupidy, is it really necessary to remind you the consequences of tak mendengar cakap mak masa kecik-kecik about penjagaan gigi?

The moment I entered that Department Maksilotahapa-hapa...and was asked to wait, there is this variety of gambar-gambar gigi,gusi and muka orang yang menakutkan...enough to encourage me to lari and never to talk to my friend again.

But I am 35 of age...and of course friendship is hard to come by.I didn't follow my heart although it is hard to sweep away the image of gusi,gigi bengkak and gambar mulut koyak rabak from your mind...

Oh no...I must not complain. My appoinment was fast tracked and for that I am forever thankful...although walaupun katanya nak offer I moral support, I can see from the corner of my eye (and my gigi) yang my Dentist friend ini sibuk menggodak Facebook.Moral support apanya tu?

The aftercare was excellent (!!!) My friends sympathises with my pain and offered a non-stop kata-kata perangsang whilst melantak Rojak Mamak, Nasi Briyani & Roti Bom kat aku yang yang tak boleh makan ni....

To my friends...The Dentist, Miss AA and Ratu Parking Bontot...thank you for being there for me.

Orang TELEKOM Yang Jahat

While in Malaysia...I am really trying to be a anak solehah to my parents. In my own criteria of anak solehah, it involves duduk rumah, taking interest in hal jiran tetangga walaupun dalam hal ehwal bergossipan...and protecting my parents against the 'power'.

My mother had her telephone wiring fixed by the Telekom people 2 days ago.I wasn't in. Today in our ocassional banter, amma told me that the wire is fixed.I asked what happened to it in a first place, amma said that the phone line sounded like a sand mixer. She had asked for it to be fixed many months ago but agaknya my mother ni bukanlah set wanita-wanita garang so the Telekom people took her plea to repair the wire for granted.

Mother also told me that she had to pay $180.00 to the engineer and although she had hinted that it is a bit exhorbitant for a wire replacement, the engineer managed to talk her into believing that $180.00 charges is normal.She told me that father is not happy that she paid that engineer and as the money is already been paid, it is obviouslah kerja-kerja mungkar Telekom people ittew dilakukan ketika father sedang tidur.

Mother being mother, telling me that for a mere seeking empathy...tapi aku yang mendengar ni sungguhlah sakit hati.I convinced my mother that Telekom should fix it for free.

I called Telekom Malaysia.I asked...

Mak saya pengguna telephone dengan you and dia bayar sewa talian tiap-tiap bulan...so kiranya, telephone tu mak saya sewa lah dari you.So bila line rosak, bukan ke you all yang kena repair?

Tak cik, kita kena charge...

Tapi itu kan tanggungjawab awak...line itu rosak sendiri...( I can't remember what I said but surely, it was a valid enquiry)

The guy who is attending me is so termengah-mengah and after aku menanya soklan dengan bertubi-tubi, he surrendered me to his supervisor.

I got this vision that his supervisor is Mat Tembam yang bangsa duduk opis and what they do is just to repeat what he is asked to tell customers who queried.

Every question I asked will be met with 'memang dah macam tu Cik'.

Bored, angry and of course, nak mengajar Telekom people tu to be prepared with more irate questions, I challenged him to show me the clause of where in the line that the customer have to pay for the kerosakan.

Last-last...kalau Cik tak puas hati, sila berhubung dengan ketua cawangan di Seremban.

Of course lah, Ketua Cawangan Seremban is not available after 3pm, as he never return from his sembahyang Zuhur.

At this time, my mother dah panik and and tell me to just redha ajelah..nak buat macam mana and that she can afford the $180.00 anyway so tak payahlah nak sakit-sakit jiwa bergaduh dengan Telekom.

Ayo...mother, this is not about money la..(it is, in a way) but this is about principal.If you provide service and if service rendered is not up to the standard offered, the provider must take responsibility...that is the universal law.This is not Zimbabwe...

I made a complaint to Telekom Seremban and I told the lady who took my call that I believe that taking money from my mother is 'criminal' and if someone didn't come back to me with an explanation, this is of course a police matter.Hah kau..brutal nya.

Of course lah...kata-kata ugutan ni dibuat masa my mother sembahyang and she wasn't there to witness anaknya ni memaki hamun orang Telekom.I told my mother that I now have the Big Boss Seremban punya direct line and I will talk to him once and for all tomorrow.

I thought my mother would be pleased....

To cut the story short....I didn't call the Telekom Big Boss...in fact, I never call the Telekom people after that.

Mother cakap....Jangan lah...orang tu sedara dengan your Mak Teh, dia selalu datang raya rumah kita. I really don't want things to get awkward with them.I cakap...mother, this is a professional matter.Telekom sucks, he is the Boss, he should know.It is nothing to do with 'sedara mara'.

Mother cakap...tak payahlah...dah bayar pun.Bukan salah dia.

No matter how much I convinced mother that this is not on...mother still think that preserving the relationship with sedara bau-bau taik kambing kering dia dengan Boss Telekom ittew is far more imporant.

I submitted to her rationale, not without my comment puaka yang berbunyi...'If I were you, since orang Telekom tu sedara, I might as well ask him for free phone.'

Haiyoh!!!

What's Eating The Monyet

I was at Putrajaya today.

When I left Malaysia for good, Putrajaya belum exist lagi. But I sure have heard of Putrajaya Hospital because my sister telah beranak didalam lift nya.

Suddenly this time, rasa macam malas pulaklah nak bersidai pergi makan kat big-big shopping complex (plus takut lah peminat serbu...bongkak tak statement itu?)

Everything in the Big shopping complex is overcharged and overpriced and I wonder why people still want to pay.Kedekut kah I? Ada jugak sikit-sikit but kalau nak buat pricing pun berpatutan lah...bukan semua kita ni berketurunan Pilah & Co.

This friend of mine, aku paksa dia masak and invite we all ke rumah nya.I eat like a lembu lapar (so is she...) so kalau makan kat rumah orang, orang as in kawan-kawan, I can tambah and tambah.See, ni bukan kes tamak haloba or buruk makan ye.If you tak makan, the food will go to a waste.Food is expensive nowadays , make you wonder why...we plant the paddy, we grow sayur, we rear the ayam, lembu and kobau. We even ada perusahaan ternakan kobau pendek somewhere in N9. And things are still expensive.

My mother asked me, what do I eat on daily basis? I said..it depends la...but for sure I ate nasi once or twice in a fortnight.My mom said...eh, sana takde jual beras ke? Kesian nya....

(Eeyoo..boreh belambak..masak eh maleh...)

Of all the people, I adore the public transport.It's cheap, although I wish that it will be and get better.I don't know why orang nak sangat naik kereta kulu-kilir when there is a cheap option.Ada sorang Dental specialist ni kata...ohh, panaslah.I tak kuasa nak jalan kaki.True...it is hot, tapi ada ke orang suruh kau jalan kaki for 10km under the hot sun? Sekejap aje panas..takleh tahan ke? Susahlah bila semua dah jadi generation air-con ni.

Going over to Putrajaya from Subang Jaya is easy peasy...with the help of ever friendly signboard.Yang tak friendly nya drebar-drebar kereta yang lain.They made me feel like I am slow driver...but how can you accelerate bila driving in a shard curve? Dah terang2 kata..had laju 50kmph...you nak I laju camana lagi? Hari pun hujan...tak takut mati ke?

MB2 was pleased to see the monkeys when we passed Puchong...sukanya...ye lah, you can't see monkey waving happily in Middlesex.But on the way back, dia macam susah hati pulak because my friend told her that the monkeys are out of habitat now, since segala bukit kat Puchong tu nak kena buat rumah.

What can we do? I read somewhere yang memonyet kat Puchong tu ada ciri-ciri pencopet yang berjaya..curi mobile phone, curi baju..but can you blame them?

I doubt Puchong local council will entertain any calls for concern from a public spirited citizen. Hello Cik, apa tindakan majlis bandaran seterusnya demi menangani isu kekurangan rumah kos rendah monyet2 kat Puchong itu? Porrraaahhh!!!

I'm sure if you robohkan another more kuil-kuil, there will be truckloads of Ayappan, Muthu and all those MIC's will be walking all the up to Parlimen.But what about the monyet?

See, I ni pun bukanlah animal activis...although I quite like juga segala species ular dalam dunia ni pupus (sebab I takut ular) but how can the government easily allowed the developement at the expense of the helpless (although some might think they're naughty) creature?

Nevertheless....the trip to Putrajaya is worth all the toll money spent...thanks to our delayed speed, the host manage to salvage her nasi mentah and although I tersesat-sesat jalan sampai Ulu Klang on my way home (ada orang kata jala Putrajaya itu keras, pasal tu kau sesat!!!) there is no where else I rather be.

Shame on you Miss AA....hiksss! Larikkkkkkkkkkk.....

During Holidays...You Sure Got Time To 'Over' Ponder...

1st encounter - Some semi midnight drama kat RTM1, can't remember what is the tajuk, since aku pun taklah ghetinya nak operate that Asteruk remote control, but that time that was the only drama melayu and the other channel dipenuhi dgn muka AC Mizal and those Indonesian,Hongkie and Indian drama and I'm so not in the mood to membaca sarikata.The Malay drama is about Kartina Aziz limping about in the kampung, bawak mangkuk bertingkat for her son yang kesudahnya chase her away.Cilaka punya anak! To cut the story, in the end mak sakit, anak pun sakit and both died on the same day.While mak went in for a smooth sailing,anak dia punya coffin punyalah berat,mandi busuk and last-last, masuk kubur pun payah and berulat dengan sekelip matanya.Huiyooo!!! if that occurence did not scare you, it sure did menakutkan diriku yang jahat ni.I spent couple of hours jugaklah memikir...I never pushed my mum away, I'm not the menjawab type (hence..my mum is the quiet one so dia pun tak cakap banyak..so kalau dah tak cakap banyak, apa nya yang nak dijawab kan?) But I sure remember that for a while jugaklah I misunderstood my mother (aren't we all...yang middle child ni?) Thinking that mother loves the others more and you less.I'm not about to become a mother and I can never understand the susah payah nya to have everything ready...dengan anak, dengan laki.Mother usually have to take the 'worrier' role mcm bini orang MRSM Beseri tu since the man is more interested to worry about team mana yang boleh maintain first 4 in the Premiership.Believe me, I am trying to be anak yang solehah...although is not easy and for this I blamed Sekolah Berasrama Penuh.What is wrong now? I am the mendengar kata...but I find it hard to 'berkata-kata' pulak.To all mommies, talk to your kids...especially to those yang tak bercakap tu.I am not gifted with the spontaneity to ask my mother...like masak apa hari ni etc (the real truth is, I've seen my mother working so hard habis kerja jaga anak without bantuan laki and on top of everything have to worry about children etc, so I tak sampai hati nak mintak2 to add to her already berlambak burden)

For that, dengan rendah hatinya...because I live very far from my parents...I do not wish to have difficulties in passing.

2nd encounter - That PETRONAS ad, with Maria Arshad looking gracefully old, unlike segala Minah Botox and Nenek Plastik.The son balik kampung, terus nak cari internet (macam aku aje) and keep telling his mom that he is busy with his work...(pun macam aku). But Maria Arshad, like my mother..Mak okay..mak okay...

To those who cannot read between the line like me, bila mak okay..mak okay tu..memang suka lah hati bila mak dah okay..and you seem 'okay' to carry out what you like to do best...like berjalan-jalan tak hengat donia.But of course ibu mithali like that, anak wishes come first.I get really anxious bila iklan tu keluar...because it really reminds me of me. Ohh..my poor mother.

3rd encounter - The Telekom ad...the man with his son.They balik kampung.Tup tup bila salam raya, the son asked his dad, kenapa kita balik sini? Atuk nenek pun dah takde...and the father (yang hensem ittew) then calmly answer with muka cam nak nangis serong berong tu...sebab masa Atuk Nenek ada, Ayah tak pernah balik.The son tu pulak macam diajar-ajar aje to add more salt to his dad's wound. telepon pun tak pernah ke, Ayah? Lagilaaaa ayah nak ghun-ghun serabak kan?

Waaaa.....how many times I called my parents? I sure can count with one hand.(But, dari kecik pun I never call them....)

Apa la nak jadi dengan I ni......

Being Nostalgic

I arrived from KCH yesterday malam. Hajat hati nak aje membuat posting pasal kesakithatian terhadap pengguna-pengguna AirAsiak tu (apalah aku ni, dah le travel murs-murs, lagi mau komplen) but...let's just put that aside for now,as I really nak menulis apa yang terbuku/berbuku dalam hatiku innieww...cewwahh!!!!

Sometimes, when I had enough (kiranya lah ni...) working...I always say that I nak balik Msia for good, enough of England.On the way back from LCCT yesterday, along that KLIA highway I suddenly remember the real reason why I lari jejauh...sampai ke UK. (Dah lari pergi Melbourne kejap, tapi tak suka pulak)

While waiting for our flight back, MB's cousin bawak I pergi this new shopping complex and I asked her to bawak I pi kedai CD.I've been watching banyaknya cerita-cerita Indon and quite like the songs, so my sister said 'go and look for singer called Rossa'. Semua orang tau that if you really want to a good Indonesian R&B, CD nya pasti ada dijual si Sarawak.Don't know why lah Semenanjung always inclined nak jual CD-CD penyanyi Indon yang macam celaka bunyi nya.Ni cerita dulu la...when you are talking Harvey M, Chrishye...Vina Panduwinata and that lot. So the like of Kiah yang suka Roma Irama tu lain lah...supply banyak kat Chokettt!!!

Dalam nak cari Rossa tu, I come across Jay Jay punya CD. I remember last year ke tah bila, I asked my sister to cari CD Jay Jay and post kat I. But I don't quite like that CD, pasalnya all the song was remastered and re-recorded.It is not like what I remember. Frust hatiku. Couple of days ago, I saw Jay Jay on telly and tah sapalah his latest perunding image yang pi cakap kat dia that Rambut style orang utan is the in thing.However, dek chentaku yang mendalam kat Jay Jay, pesen orang utan pun, orang utan lah.He is still the same Jay Jay.

My ex is a Jay Jay look alike.We are talking Jay Jay 20 years ago.Now that I pikir-pikir, maybe punca ku terjatuh chenta kat my ex is because he look like Jay Jay.Of course lah, I know the real Jay Jay before I know my ex. There was a time (just bcos Jay Jay like to wear a hat) adalah mulut sumbing haram celaka mana yang pi sebarkan fitnah that Jay Jay head is a bit cacat, so to conceal his kecacatan, he wear hats lah.Siyal tul siapa yang buat cerita ittew. I stood up to this gossip, walaupun umurku barulah 11 tahun...of course lah my effort gone unnoticed as my parents would rather I stood up to learn sejarah Mahsuri to pass my penilaian darjah 5 test. Nak qualify masuk TKC lah katakan...(haram nya tak dapat 5A pun)

The whole day today, I bore the MB's listening to Jay Jay...and there's a certain song yang membuatkan ku mengalir air mata (apa ni...bapak sakit tak nangis pulak) and dengan automatik ya kuteringatlah lat Jay Jay lookalike yang dah mati ittew.

There was a time masa chenta-chenta tengah hangat and terlarang dengan JJP (Jay Jay Palsu) the second time around lah (first round kat UK, masa dia bujang TTT) Of course lah terlarang, JJP masa tu laki orang.Realising that chenta ku tak kan berlayar kemana-mana, the only way to escape is to go far-far away from him.

Coming back to KL in a way is very hurtful for me.I was dumped and jilted and the worst part, I cannot forget him.Everywhere you look, even dalam drive kereta didalam kemeriahan Mat-Mat Rempit mencelok-celok...masih lagi mengharapkan muka-muka orang tu akan terpacul cam cerita-cerita cinta Indon zaman Rano Karno & Meriam Bellina.

Now, I should think I must remain in London...where all the good thing was.When he was loving me.

Ni nak lah mintak jasa baik kat orang yang berchenta agung tapi dah moved on ittew...bila aku dtang beraya rumahmu nanti,janganlah kau gelakkan diri ku.Ni tengah sensitip ni.

There's something just won't go away...

List Of Komplenan

Komplenan Pertama

After a week arriving from LHR, barulah I menjejak kaki ke Paroi Jaya. Punyalah tak patut...kan? Yang lagi tak patutnya...the stay/visit whatever, only lasted less than 24 hours with my kaki yang meronta-ronta nak keluar balik. I made my sister cover my track...kununnya aku nak bershopping raya dengan dia.She had to do the dirty works i.e. menipu amma and appa while I only maintain muka kesian, minta difahami and dikasihani.I arrived very late hoping that appa and amma will be in bed but chewwwah!!! Appa and Amma bombarded my sister's mobile phone with calls all the way from BSD (where my sister lives) Although we stopped for Teh Halia at the motorway R&R, it is not late enough for Amma and Appa to stay up.I supposed both must have missed me...so, sangguplah bersengkang mata.But my Appa told me off straightaway...kecik hati I (hati dia kecik I tak fikir ke?)Ghope-ghope nyerr...I was the last one yang kena sound dengan dia...the rest dah kena pun.When I heard about it, of course lah I feel a bit uneasy...especially for my siblings yang majority nya dah berlaki and beranak.I bagitau my Amma...that the telling off shouldn't have happened...Appa must realised that semua orang dah ada life sendiri...Appa has no control anymore.Amma as always sebagai isteri mithali (yang akan confirm masuk syurga) terus backing Appa...even in not so many words.Amma got no choice...stucked with Appa.I just wish Amma will have a better life.Seeing Amma made me so angry with Appa...but after sessi sessi mengadu dengan F, I baik diam saja.Yes, Appa loves me and all his kids...but Appa is not a nice man to Amma...we all know that.I didn't talk much to Appa...and I think what is very obvious even to Amma is that I am avoiding him.Yes, I feel horrible but my anger just can't hide the way I feel.Once upon a time ago I even planned to write Appa a letter, telling him how I feel but I know,my Amma will bear the brunt of the consequences...plus I tak nak berdosa and kena sumpah oleh Appa.I pray Allah, soften me a bit...I cannot change the situation...and I have to change me.

Komplenan Kedua

My younger brother was buried at TS Cemetery.Something happened last year and I told my mum what I saw when I was there last.Little that I realised that Amma has not been able to visit the kubur for a while since Appa is ill. (Takdelah sakit teruk mana pun...saja je tak nak kena tinggal) Amma was sad but tak tunjuk sangat.Today I visited my Auntie (pun kena sound jugak..pasal dah over a week balik baru pergi visit)Terkeluarlah cerita yang my auntie ni baru je elected jadi Ketua Wanita Parti Cap Biawak tu...and how the area she lives dah menbangun sikit.Previously when I suggested to my Amma to complain/sue the construction company yang telah mem 'violate' kan kubur kat BTS tu, my Amma kata..alaaa..takpelah, kita bersabar lah.See, Amma...bersabar have not do you any good.They violate us we must lawan.I asked Amma to call her ex schoolmate yang juga a daughter to TS (speaking of which, she also is a mother to that Angkasawan)to find out siapalah yang punya angkara melakukan kerja-kerja terkutuk kat atas bukit tu.Amma said...she tak sampai hati nak mengadu kat Aunty Z tu..pasalnya Aunty tu pun baru kematian anak jugak.So bila nak persuade Amma pun tak jalan, I melobi kat my Aunty yang Ketua Wanita Party Biawak ni.Terus dia pun naik angin and promised me that she will find out siapakah yang telah diupah oleh developer ittew.My Aunty kata she will risk to incur the wrath of that area punya Ketua Wanita,but she tak kisah dah.Tu dia..(plus dia kenalah menolong anak sedaranya ni..yang dah mengangkut berbotol-botol krim badan M&S, eh..ni bukan rasuah ye?).

Komplenan Ketiga

I bought my sister a PC.Menurut sumber-sumber yang dipercayai, I can get a good deal kat Low Yat Plaza.Off me and MB's ke Low Yatt. I played the navigator and MB drive the car.Bangganya I masih ingat jalan walaupun hati menyumpah kat Mat-Mat Rempit yang majority nya ada death wish tu.MB is a typical Bukit Bintang Girl.Makcik kan dulu bertahun-tahun jadi PR Director kat hotel area tu.She can tell you with her eyes closed kat mana pusat-pusat pelachhh...mana nak dapat pond...mana area kongsi gelap cina.MB's negotiation skills is superb so I let her bargain while I instructed the PC boy what I want for the unit.In the end, for all the fastest gadget you can asked for, with bagak monitor and a wireless router, I paid only 2K.Balik aje rumah...I realised I have to install all the software.Celaka...dah bayar dua ribu semua kena buat sendiri.I did.Sepanjang malam until I discover that the CPU is without a network card.Pagi-pagi buta I telephone si budak Acai ittew...this people who sells computers, always ingat kita ni bangang tak tau apa kan? They all kata semua ada, you kena buat ini itu.I told him, I have done it and I'm sure the instructions is clear enough that budak 10 tahun pun boleh buat.Then the English Mannerism keluar...okay.This is not good enough, I want to speak to your Manager.Because I paid by card and my card is not local, I told the manager that his shop is violating my rights as a consumer...and kalau dia nak berdolak dalik jugak, I will call Barclays and instruct them to cancel the payment.Hah...you can't trace me, what can you do? I went back to Low Yatt Plaza with muka macam asam papaya...ORDERED my PC to be reformatted and tup-tup, punca nya ialah the Ethernet driver yang dah ter corrupt.Kurang hajar punya kedai..cuba nak tipu I ye? They fixed it and aku dengan tak tanya apa-apa pun terus keluar from their shop.

Komplenan Keempat

MB2 nak tengok orangutan kat Sarawak nun..so we booked our Borneo Holiday for next week.We booked a room at this hotel ditepi pantai/gunung.I urged MB to speak in Sarawakian dialect when make the booking pasalnya, boleh sidak nya merik kamek orang diskaun tek? The hotel organised many local trips so MB enquired some.When I booked online, the trip cost me $80.00...okaylah.Tapi, bila MB berkelakar dengan orang hotel ya, nya madah..oghang luar kamek charge $80, kitak oghang seghawak $40.00 ajak lah. Jahatnya.....just because MB2 orang putih...charge double ye? Tak baik tau...orang putih tu pun sengkek macam I.

Komplenan Seterusnya....bersambung bulan depan.

Selamat Hari Raya.

Selamat Hari Raya 2008

Hello kengkawang ku yang dichentahi....

Updating blog wasn’t the plan bila berchoti-choti ni...tapi memandangkan masa ni ajelah yang kita semua boleh bermaaf-maafan...so I thought, I better make the effort.

Susah betul nak dapat access internet kat sini....I’m not talking connection wise, tapi semenjak-menjak berblogging underground pakai nama tak sebenarnya...ditambah pula dengan keadaan lubang yang dah nak terpecah, so Makji kenalah berhati-hati bila bukak website tu. Siap kunci pintu, tengok-tengok belakang lagi....and membaca blog secepat kilat. Within 5 minutes look-see-look-see, terus sign off siap delete browsing history lagi...punyalah paranoid nya.Bukan apa you all....kalaulah dinampak dek my mother, my sister or my cousins yang mulut pokpek ngalahkan pembesar suara Pasaraya Mydin tu, habislah reputasiku sebagai Pompuan Melayu Terakhir....cawangan Paroi Jaya.

Sebagai anak yang sungguh durhaka....I only see my parents after a week...hish, taktaulah nak jadi apa...

Kerja I hari-hari, pergi beli popia basah sampai lima ketul and seplastik air keladi, and makan macam babi...I went out twice to berbuka puasa kat luar, dua-dua dengan bini-bini orang yang sanggup meluangkan masa meninggalkan anak and laki.Kesian sungguh!!!

I had a good time menaik RapidKL, walking along Jalan Ampang and looking for places that according to Elviza, sudah tak wujud lagi.

I cringed looking at the Mark & Spencer’s price tag...that would suit a Datin here...but very affordable kat Aci-Aci penjual maruku kat Hounslow ittew. Baby GAP,Daddy GAP and Mummy GAP....mak datuk.Ni bukan nak cakap besar lah ye...most of my baju and office clothes are from GAP, but honestly, kalaulah I nak pakai GAP kat KL ni, I really have to line up laki-laki orang yang loaded untuk kubuat Sugar Daddy.

The drebar-drebar in KL (ni termasuklah my brother and sister, my in laws and Si Jipin budak Taman Datuk Wan tu...), cemana you all boleh pass lesen, tak tau lah I.I got my licence at 17, that time, orang Malaysia memandu sungguhlah berhemahnya...and nowadays, they just don’t care if they or others die.

I think, on the second day, I watched that film called ‘GUBRA’ ke gabra...that kununnya directed by one really famous woman yang menjadi idola ramai orang.That girl is right....she sounded stupid when she speak malay...in fact, she and the whole lot sounded silly when they speak English, in what supposed to be a malay film anyway.Especially that Boyan faced man, with blonde hair...ohhh...she meant nothing to me..just a piece of meat.Is that all bang oiii?

Watching all that drama that shows the consequences of being a anak derhaka, mula-mula tu sangatlah menakutkan...but knowing me, insafnya adalah sehari.Pastu mulalah kaki gatal nak pergi sana-sini-situ.

Okay...here’s the important bit. Sempena hari raya yang mulia ni...I first like to memohon ampun and maaf, teghutamo eh kek puak-puak Pilah & Co, yang pueh kono umpek.Mahapkan acik yoo....Tuanku....janganlah halau acik keluar dari Paroi Jaya or sumbek an acik masuk penjagho ISA.

To my friends...thanks for the time and company.Kalau tak disebakan you all dah beranak pinak, harus kita berlepakan sampai sahur kan? Matilah kena bagi notis keluar rumah dengan laki masing-masing.

Kepada JT yang telah ku auta, pastu takde courtesy plak nak tepon mamat tu cakap I kena cancel pasal nak balik Malaya....aiyo, haruslah dia masih menunggu kat Restaurant Bonda tu, sampai sekarang.

I was told I have followers...yang masuk opis terus bukak my blog sebelum basuh tangan. Not meaning to put you all off, but apalah sangat yang boleh dibaca kat sini...dah le tak boleh nak diambik iktibar....buat banyak dosa lagi ada.

I just wish I can be included in sessi gossip-menggosip like 2 orang itu....habis bloghopping, boleh mobile phone hopping pulak buat continuity discussion.

To all...kalaulah ada benda-benda yang menyakitkan hati...or kata-kata yang kesat macam tapak kasut Adidas saya (motif tayang brand kasut?)....sila terima salam kemaafan dari Makji Esah yang berat badan dan naik 3 kilo semenjak balik ni.

Kepada kawan-kawan yang beraya tanpa lemang,ketupat & rendang kat Paris,Hull & Cambridge ittew....merasalah aku upload gambar raya kat Facebook, and tengoklah puas-puas.

Selamat Hari Raya & Maaf Zahir Batin...

Achtung !!!

Hello kawan-kawan yang dicingtahi....

I'm going to be off for a couple of week starting besok.As we speak, I tengah mengarahkan pembantu peribadi tolong carikan passport I, tah mana diam nya sekarang ni and I juga mengarahkan diri sendiri pi carik kain baju yang nak dibungkus masuk dalam beg.

I am happy at the prospect of tak payah pergi kerja and buat kerja opis, although I'll be bringing some work home and promised my Boss today yang every 2 days I'll be remotely checking office email from my current location.

I am also happy at the prospect that I'll be seeing a lot of mentally capable people and never have to talk therapy 7.5 hours daily.I don't have to discuss anyone's suicidal thoughts and I don't have to hear anyone's weird and abnormal sexual tendencies.On top of all that, I am happy that I don't have to take notes, discuss you in my weekly supervision with the Consultant and analysing every little bit of you.

However, I might embark on a new profession once I'm in KL.

I am quite happy to resume duty as a pakar motivasi diri kepada anda-anda semua. If you ever need facilitating in

a) Cara-cara menyonglap duit suami
b) Melepak berjam-jam kat KLCC or warung-warung tanpa rasa bersalah kat laki dan anak-anak
c) Cara-cara menangkis tohmahan laki anda yang jealous kerna anda bersosialan tanpa batasan
d) Hypnoteraphy --cara melupakan anak-anak and laki selama 10jam dengan mudah dan tanpa rasa bersalah bila berhuha dan bershopping
e) Discover your hidden potential, demi memenangi perperangan mulut dengan laki and mak mertua anda
f) Open up to new possibilities, laki ada boyfren pun ada juga...
g) Duitmu Duitku, Duitku Duitku Jua...Kau takleh share

Untuk tempahan, sila hubungi saya menerusi talian terus ataupun sila buat temujanji dengan my imaginary personal assistant.

Hope to see you soon.

Of Puasa

I sempat posa 3 hari aje, and on the verge of the day 4, nak makan sahur dah ni, and terus nampak signal.Hish....but I completed the day dengan tak makan minum hapa pun, technically macam puasa tapi tak puasa.

Bila I tak puasa, yang gumbira ya amat mistilah si Tua ittew. Tapi tiba-tiba pulak dia tanya, kenapa I tak puasa? I cakaplah kat dia, orang pompuan, kalau masa ituitu, tak boleh puasa. I really hope the conversation finish at that.Terus si Tua tanya lagi...kenapa pulak? I pun jawab lah apa yang I tau.

Kesudahnya, benda yang kecik camtu, teruslah leading to percakaran mulut yang besar. Si Tua mulalah kata, I can't understand...your religion look down on women..what with the discrimination...bla,bla..keluarlah cerita pasal pompuan kat Afghanistan.

Berejam jugak tak bertegur sapa.Tapikan...dalam marah-marah tu, I pikir jugak...I really see the point of the argumentation.

As much as this may sound controversial, why are we considered 'dirty' when we are menstruating? I realised that all this years, I never really question that. And I think, we Muslim never question that.

I baca cerita perempuan yang kena cerai...kena tunggu 3 cycle of period baru boleh kahwin lain.Kesian jugak pompuan kena lagi tunggu 3 bulan.Padahal kat Malaysia, nak bercerai bukannya senang...the pompuan really have to struggle for their release.The Jantan puaka main suka-suka ati nak turn up kat court and famously main dilly dally...siap boleh hilangkan diri lagi.For all you know, pompuan dah kena tinggal for 3 years..eventually kena cerai and kena tunggu lagi after 3 bulan or so. But the Jantan, boleh berbini baru macam tambah absorber kereta aje kan?

Bila dah dicuti rehatkan from puasa, kena ganti lagi. Nak ganti puasa ni bukannya senang. Macam puasa kat UK lah...berpuasa dengan kiri kanan setan.Like yesterday, half way through puasa, I kena buka. Cerita nya camni...I dah lah tak lalu makan sahur..tup-tup bangun pagi..terberak, kau kau lah banyak nya sampai perut pun kosong (hish, tak malu..terberak pun cerita dengan orang) pukul 2, pukul 3 masih boleh tahan lagi....come 4.30pm, I betul-betul rasa lembik and nak mati.I think my ulcer made it worst.I called MB (yang sememangnya malas puasa) and we have our feast kat McD. Lepas makan tu, I dok ingat, on top of my 5 days cuti rehat puasa, I got another one in addition to ganti. Bila nya masa nak ganti ni? Puasa tahun lepas pun ganti separuh aje..(oops...terburai rahsia)

I strongly feel (walaupun macam-macam fatwa dah keluar kata takleh buat tu,takleh buat ni) that what you do, only Allah will judge and decide.Then I think, maybe I should just puasa, walaupun bocor and mintak Allah terima saja puasa I tu.

I think questioning some rules without intent to disobey, is far better than doing Lina Joy.Kan?

Marilah kita bersama-sama bertepuk tangan...kepada seorang wanita suci kat Paris nun...yang gigih puasa walaupun berbadan 2 and terlupa makan sahur. Kalah I yang RaMALAS Ram ni.

Sekian.

I Ass Eh?

Merasa kau Kak Tipah...ni Mak hapdate lagikkk......

I noticed this...

Any concerns, whistleblow kind of matters to Pak Tidollah, there is likely, the person who address it will be ask to resign.Yang suruh resign nya pulak, mula-mula tah hapa Menteri or Ketua Unit Blablabla....the next day, another barua Minister pulak call out asking for the whistleblower resignation...and by the end of the week, seluruh UMNO pulak suruh orang tu resign.

Eh..Pak Lah, tak boleh kena tanya or kena tegur ke?

You got caught sleeping...you lost badly in the recent election...there is a obvious sign of your co worker dissubordination, what more do you need? Tak cukup ke sign tu? Nak tunggu teropong anak bulan resign ke?

Aiyaaa...susahlah. I ni mulut banyak kuat komplen lak tu..tak pasal-pasal kena tangkap ISA. Kalau dah kono penjagho, cenno den nak poei rayo Chombong,Chongkau, Josseh..Gontam and Kampong Tolang?

p/s Masa bloghopping, I terbaca pasal Sophan Sophiaan...ayoyo....lelaki pujaan omak den. Al-Fatihah.

Sepetang Bersama JT

Dah 2 hari, 2 malam suntuk I kat opis. Mintak-mintak semua kerja siap dengan cepat nya and I boleh balik on time besok...(cemananya nak abis kerja, ni gi buat posting blog buat apa?)

Dua hari lepas, demi menyahut seruan (paksaan more like) si JT, I went out to buka puasa dengan dia.Biasalah, dia bagi alasang paling classic...I'm in the area.

Kawan-kawan jantan saya sekalian, tolong lah, next time kalau nak sangat jumpa kawan pompuan you, janganlah pakai alasan camni. You may think that it is convenient and that the other person akan diselubungi rasa terpaksa, dek sebab you are near. The truth is, the alasan is very unflattering.Seriously.We pompuan will think that, ye lah, you all dah stranded kat area I ni, and dah takde orang lain yang nak diajak keluar.

Cubalah cakap....eh, I datang jauh dari Reading...(psst..Reading tak lah jauh, 20 minutes by train aje from Twickenham) teringin nak jumpa you. Wah...melompat I keluar dari opis!

I keep reminding myself, okaylah..dia ni kawan sekolah.Pulak tu dah puas ku sakitkan hati nya...tapi masih jugak nak kembali kepangkuan. Dia nak buka puasa sangat, ikut saja lah. Pakcik nak ajak I gi London..ala, tempat makan Melayu tu but I really not keen to travel far senja-senja. Mak kan pompuan mithali, tak keluar malam?

Ingat-ingat balik, jahat betul I. Orang tu yelah nak berbuka puasa nak makan something nice and I pulak pergi cakap kat dia, kita pergi makan kat Pub aje lah..2 meal for £9.00 ke hapa. Takde langsung rahmat bulan Ramadhan.Kesian Pakcik tu baca doa makan dalam Pub yang penuh dengan air-air setan ittew.Menengok kan keadaan dia, I rasa bersalahnya and cakap kat dia, eh..not the idea of perfect buka puasa kan? Sorry lah...Pakcik pun senyum saja.

Like always, we talked about him.Still bitter about his impending divorce.Keluarlah cerita si bini nak mintak harta sepencarian, brok brek brok brek.Tak berhasil betul. Habis licin pahala puasa dia pi kat bini nya.

But to be honest, I really feel sorry for him.Ni lah jadinya kalau buat keputusan tak pikir panjang.He married her in a hurry kunun nya tak nak jadi bujang terlajak...hati maseh chenta dengan kekasih lama yang dah tak chenta lagi padanya...ingatkan kawin dapatlah menutup kisah lama dan merawat jiwa luka...nak nak dapat yang keras kepala macam dia jugak.He has, obviously underestimate bini nya, whom he like to refer to as Gadis Felda.Ptuihhhh!!!!!

I pun dengan tak pikir panjang nya, dek rasa kesian and malu dengan perbuatan jahat I, pi lah cakap kat dia and we should do another buka puasa again...I nak belanja dia makan.So we set a date...and he is very excited.

Tapi kan...yang benar nya, date yang I suggest tu is a day after I balik KL.Waduhhhhh!!!!

P/s. Nama aje berbuka bersama...yang sebenarnya, I tak posa you.Hehehehe...

Update

Geez...rasa hati nak bertapa lama-lama.Maklumlah lubang dah pecah. But, is it?

Tu lah, bila orang berblog...kita pun nak ikut ada blog.Glamour ke ada blog sendiri ni? Tak jugak...tak hupdate kang, orang bising.Orang yang bising tu pulak, blog dia sendiri pun..harapkan active masa dia cuti berpantang aje.Sekarang ni memacam alasang nya...in house expat dah lari la...nak masak untuk laki la..(padahal jgn tak tau..masa dok berpoya-poya tak hengat dengan aku that day..tapau dinner plate KFC aje untuk laki dia) kemas ghumah laa...

I don't have the privillege macam orang tu ada in house sperm donor, so nak cuti berpantang tu mungkin takdelah buat masa sekarang ni.But seriously, after my facebook occurence that day, hati I menggelabah sungguh..manalah tau..adik-abang-sepupu spare part I start baca this blog.I ni dah la banyak mengutuk orang...adik sendiri, abang sendiri..sedara sendiri..parents sendiri...mano acik nak lotak muko acik ni?

But then...what you read/have read...jeng..jeng..jeng, may be not necessarily true.Am I really a Paroi Jaya girl? Or am I a girl? For all you know...I might be Razak Baginda, blogging all the way from Sungai Buloh. Or I might be Sultan Johor yang bertangan gatal dek lamanya tak melempang...or, I might be Angelina Jolie yang, while writing this post, dok selak-selak catalogue budak-budak kecik online..who am I going to adopt next?

What I seems to notice is that my virtual personally and my real personality is slightly different.Macam mana lak ni?

I must tell you now that I am the most unfriendly person...if I'm in a good mood I'll smile (walaupun gigi tak chantekkkk) and if I'm in a good mood, I'll be very quiet too.I do not have an interesting personality.

So that is all you need to know.If you think I am similar to your cousin yang tak suka campur orang tu...then maybe I am her.But again, you can't be sure because I can also be someone else.Like..a 2nd wife of mana-mana Datuk, yang sungguhlah kesepian bila Datuk balik rumah bini tua (yang garang lagi kaki control...ahak..dalam kaki control, sompek lak laki akak kawin lain kan?) and menggunakan masa-masa lapang dan sepi bermain internet...ahhhaiiii.

On a more serious note...takziah kepada that ex policeman yang kematian bini and emak..all in the space of few hours.Takut jugak I baca that news.You will never wish that on your worst enemies.

Tapi kita kan manusia biasa.Ada expectation...ada perasaan..ada mood. Sekejap mood baik and sekejap mood kilat sabung menyabung.Nobody want to make enemy, tapi along the way kalau tersakitkan hati, although you cannot be sure and responsible if orang lain pulak yang nak bersakit hati.Kalau tak suka, kena tegur...in the long run it will be good for the relationship.Tapi ramainya yang tak boleh kena tegur and mulalah menyimpan dendam.

I have my fair share of sakit hati dengan orang...honestly, I just can't help it, especially when your sincerity is met with stupidity.Kena hari tak betul, benda yang kecik pun boleh jadi besar.If it is a meaningful relationship, sedih gak hati hilang kawan tapi kalau yang bangsa, tak kawan pun tak rugi..boleh blah lah.Jahat sungguh I ni...

I received this email from this young lady who frequented my blog...(Cik..saya bukan pakar psychology bertauliah tawwww...entah-entah, saya ni pun orang gila baru terlepas section) yang bertanya, how to get over bad feeling.

Apa ke kisah nya? Something that come between you and friends or family, for some reason you feel that the responsibility (for causing it to ruin) is yours and there's nothing much you can do and feel bad about. First, you are in the sound mind to know what you want and what is good for you.More often, when you do feel bad about something, it is likely to be about you than them.Yes, friendship and other relationship is important too, but you are living with your own conscience.Orang nak kecik hati...you nak buat macam mana? I have a friend yang kawin dengan laki yang mak paknya tak suka. Dah kahwin 10 tahun pun, masih tak suka gak dengan lakinya tu.You takleh paksa makpak you suka kat laki you.Yes, you feel bad..but why feeling bad over thing you have no control of?

By saying this, avoiding bad feeling pun tak guna juga.You can't get over and you can't avoid.Talk to your friend, break the ice.Your friendship is strong enough for all this feeling to get in the way.Your friend pun kenalah ingat, bukan hati dia sorang aje yang terluka.Hati you pun dia kena jaga juga.

Tapi kan..kalaulah kawan you tu memang cap ayam brengsek, self centred cow...dah dipujuk, dicakap baik-baik pun masih lagi nak menunjuk perasaan...dah lah.Takyah kawan dengan dia lagi.Kawan bukan sekuntum.Meh kawan dengan I.

Sekian.

Mari Tuan-Puan Dengar Ini Cerita...

Karena kemeriahan mulutku yang amat sangat, I pi kompang kat my cousin yang I ada Facebook account.So, together...we add each other as a friend, walaupun reality nya, bertegursapa pun amatlah jarang nya.

Today, while I dok berbalas-balas message-message berbau porno dgn Hjh Haleemah, my cousin messaged me.So, we berborak-boraklah, asking me bila I nak balik yadda, yadda, yadda.

Because there is nothing to chat about, I ended up asking her berita-berita mutakhir kat Malaysia nun.Saja laa...macamlah aku tak baca news, but I ran out of idea to chat. Seperti biasa, she story me about DSAI, Pak Tidollah...Saifulliwat, Altanboya, all them to Ahmad Mahmood demise. Laaa...inalillah.

Because of our age difference, she being 10 years younger, conveniently I terlupa yang dia ni bukan lagi budak comot kuat nangis yang sikit-sikit lari belakang mak dia.She is obviously well read and study and here I am, imagining her in her lampin pakai buang.(I am not talking sanita taww?)

She told me that I should read news produced by Malaysiakini and not Utusan. Dalam hati, nak aje cakap..ye,I tau...but obviously, you never thought you will get that info from someone who you remember well by crying for no reason.

She also told me that another interesting thing to check out is blog (macam lah...) She named all the blog that I should check out.Pheww....sungguhlah informative budak ni.

Tiba-tiba....

'Kak Ngah, you should try reading this blog.The author is so gila tau'.
'Ye ke?' 'Siapa?'
'Oh..Kak Ngah google Hjh Esah, nanti semua pasal dia keluar' 'She lives in UK'
'Ohhhhhhhh'

Fashionably, I excused myself out of Facebook, telling her I nak berak.

And I still nak berak....rasa nak berak. Rasa nak meletop!!!!

I'm sure by the time I publish this entry, she will now know who is Hjh Esah.

Pssttt....jangan bagitau orang ye?

And I shall go underground.Sebelum aku mengilangkan diri, kepada orang ittew, terima kasih atas pengiriman Sampoerna ijau.

Larikkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hari Ini Dan Kak Eton

Today is the 3rd day. Finally I ate something 'proper' for buka puasa. I am at work and will be until tomorrow evening.

On my 2nd day (yours 3rd) I sahur with an apple and then berbuka with just keropok. Why apple? I was in a deep sleep and by the time my mobile alarm woke me up, I only had like 5 minutes before the sahur ends.What can I do with 5 minutes? Nothing much. I remember that my colleague left me an apple (we always share fruits, me and him) and dalam separuh tiduran (I am sure I am way pask imsak) I finished the apple and continue sleeping.

Of course during the course of berpuasa, your mind is playing trick. You can feel sakit perut like nak mati and feel that you cannot wait for another minute.Come 7.48 pm yesterday, I drank a mug of coffee and already, my tummy is filled.To 'buat syarat', I makan lah keropok udang yang my opis mate bought for me the day before.

I stayed at MB last night and unfortunately, MB still takleh puasa. Honestly, I tak percaya but I'm not that notorious to check her spentot to see if she is really menstruating.I have done enough...I show her up as the malas puasa one, pun tak jalan.I guess it is just hard when you are a chain smoker.Biarlah...I must tell you, MB is the nicest soul and I hope, she will gain her pahala puasa in a different way. In the past, although dia selalu puasa yang yok (as in buat-buat muka lapar depan I, tapi kat opis isap rokok) she is the first to make sure I am fed sahur and buka.I pray Allah, MB dapat pahala berganda memasak untuk orang puasa.Aminnnn.

Last night MB asked I nak makan apa...but I was just to sleepy to be planning a menu. I slept til about 4.30 am, way past imsak...but I quickly buat kopi and makan apple.If I don't, I might get too weak to work.

I travelled to Barts Hospital for a strategy meeting and on my way back to opis, I stopped at this local chippie and tapaued Fish & Chips. So, hari ni tadi, buka puasa, I makan fish and chips.

I can't wait to go home to eat nasik panas with taugeh masak kicap. See...I am a low maintenance child.

I read about Kak Eton Sameon yesterday.This may sound horrible..(nak nak bulan puasa ni) but I don't think she ever recover from her accidental defect.The interview sort of give away her current mental capacity.I remember when the accident just happened and this nasty Cikgu Sejarah in my school remarked 'Kita mintak-mintak lah dia sempat bertaubat ye...'. If only I say it like it is that time, I sure cakap balik kat Cikgu tu..apalah cikgu ni...Cikgu sendiri dah tobat ke? Oh Kak Eton.What loud and clear is that, she is now a charity case.She probably wish that she went with the son as well.But all she want is to continue living like us do and doing what she can and does best...singing.If she is in UK, she will be well looked after and she don't need to go around telling that she needed help.If I have her address, I'll send her some duit raya.

Kesian Kak Eton. All TV and Radio stations, maybe should, dalam seminggu sekali play her songs and award her with royalty.Boleh jugak tolong dia sara hidup.Cukup-cukup lah cerita pasal sumpah liwat,Permatang Pauh, sumpah tak kenal Altantuya and all that unnecessary nonsense.

Selamat Berpuasa.

1st Day Of (my) Ramadhan

Selamat Berpuasa you all...................

Let's start with something hugely embarassing for me yesterday. Ni lah padah nya kan...tak bercampur dengan orang (alas..dengan monyet pun tidak bercampur juga)

I was at that Merdeka Carnival (most of the time dodging people I hope I don't bump in to) We decided to go in the end, I told MB, since nak puasa ni, let's make the best of eating all the food we can't find in Tesco. We talked MB2 into agreeing, as dia macam tak nak pergi sangat...katanya tak syok nak pergi sebab Hjh Zaiton & Hjh Leemah tak ada.

Rezeki Allah ada dimana-mana saja...while I was lying in the grass macam Ratu Porno...(ish...takdelah) a young lady accosted me, invited me over to her 'allotment' to makan nasik lemak. So, I dengan MB makan nasik lemak free that day. We bought karipap la..of course, but I am refraining myself to comment any further but suffice to say, Puan Zaiton...karipap you all (as in karipap buatan you all, masih lah yang tersedap di serata UK and ROI)

As MB talked to her family in KL on a regular basis, I kind of depending on her to tell me bila raya and bila puasa.Never struck my mind to double check kat internet ke but I mati-mati ingat puasa is today.

During my break yesterday, I logged on into my blog page and nampaklah ramainya kengkawan yang mengucap selamat berpuasa and tanya apa nak dimakan bila berbuka nanti.Heran jugak..puasa pun belum tapi dah tanya apa nak makan bila buka puasa kan? So, I pun telephone lah Puan Zaiton.

Puan Zaiton pun confirmlah dengan I yang puasa start semalam and I was very angry with MB for misleading me (I was actually angry at myself for being THAT ignorant). Untuk memjuk hati sendiri, I told Puan Zaiton, alamak, I tak tau..takpe...I will start fasting from sekarang lah (2-3pm) but immediately rasa macam tak aci sungguh, pasalnya, I baru makan.

That evening I printed out jadual buka and sahur and simpan satu dalam opis.(Hjh Leemah...so that will explain the 'besar kemaluan' ye...bukannya benda lain.Hjh Leemah dalam puasa-puasa dan demam-demam nya laju aje pikir pasal extra appendage.

So, yes. Officially, dengan tak malu nya, I started fasting today. I stayed at MB, kununnya nak ada geng makan sahur...tapi MB tak puasa...tumpah darah katanya.Ye lah, tumpah darah sokmo lah mung. Armed with 2 packet of Maggie mee and Kopi Panas, berpuasa lah I sorang-sorang kat opis.

My opis mate are a gem. She bought me cakes and prawn crackers for buka puasa. It is longer than usual but not as bad as the usual summer time buka puasa. With sahur ended at 4am, it is a total of 14 hours altogether. At 8pm today, I ate Egg Sandwich and 2 slices of cake for buka puasa.

I honestly do not know what will there be for me to eat later for sahur.

Selamat menjamu selera you all.....

Purchase Order Request

Pesanan kemanusiaan kepada kawan-kawan yang dicingtahi....

Eh...I takde lah nak tutup blog ke hapa sempena bulan puasa ni...mulut aje tutup sikit tak nak ngumpat banyak-banyak...

Kepada kawan-kawan (you know who you are...) since we are at some point going to be reunited either in KLCC or any other prominent landmark when I touch down in KL soon, I need to be doing some urgent shopping based on your imaginary shopping list (imaginary...you all ni,kata nak, tapi list nya tak sampai-sampai pun...hello akak, I ni bukannya pandai nak communicate secara telepathy occay?)

So kepada orang ini, ini, dan ini, sila dengan segera beritahu....

a) Adalah spentot anda masih bersize sama seperti dahulu?
b) Adakah size baju anda sama seperti dahulu?
c) Masih mahukah semburan perasa Vanilla ittew? (Ingat ye...dilarang keras mencopet kepada Laki mu)
d) Any flavour of cekelat?
e) Body Shop Spa Mineral? What is this? (Sila jawab via Facebook)

Of course, kalau tak malu, silalah membuat tempahan benda yang takde dalam list.

Kepada orang ittew....it is important for you to know this. Kalaulah aku tak mengenangkan kita ni dah berkawan dari form 4, there is no chance on earth I will be buying you that Chelsea FC baby kit. Please tell your husband, never ask a Gooner to buy anything of a Chelski.Ciss...cis...cis....

To Jen, if you are reading this....maybe this time, we should meet. Pasar malam TTDI can ah?

And if anyone need anything...of course within reason and within baggage weight limit...silalah membuat tempahan. Just so that you must know, I will not be carrying (will only consider DBO)

a) Anything from Ann Summers
b) Anything Porn
c) Anything Chelsea

Sekian, wassalam.

The Aftermath

Perlukah I cerita kat you all pasal my 'garden leave' itu hari? Sedeyyy tawww....pasal nya first time in my 35 years of age and first time in this kunun nya meaningful career, I was gravely depressed.

CPB called me last Friday at 4pm, after her meeting with the Safeguarding Adult Committee and deliver the verdict.And I am supposed to be happy and relieved...was I?

Yes, I was relieved, maybe because if I was found guilty, I could lose my job and possibly being subjected tah hapa-hapa lagi safety protocol.

But no, I was not happy. In fact, I cried half way in my conversation with CPB.This is such a big thing...pasalnya, I never cry.

On the 8th, CPB called me...I think it was 5pm and I am still at work.CPB dengan terketar-ketarnya, Makji Esah...please be calm.I want you to go home now...I have to suspend you from duty pending investigation.

I have a delayed reaction...after a while barulah I start terpinga-pinga.Because I was so busy, I did not take in all the info but CPB want me to leave my office immediately.After 2 hours I finally left the work premises.I texted CPB, apologised for taking such a long time to get out but I can't just leave work like that.

I was in the dark for almost a week of what I supposed to have done that is resulting in my suspension.I stayed at MB's for couple of days because I do not have the energy to travel up to North London with kepala ku yang bengong-bengong kedak ya.I was in bed most of the time, feeling very confused.

Confusion lead to something awful that I am now finding trouble to even admit it.I was suicidal.Not in a way nak terjun bangunan or anything yang menyakitkan nyawa.But dalam ting-tong ting-tong Tooting tu, inadvertantly I thought 'things will be a lot easier if I am dead'. Yep you all...that is also consider 'suicidal'. That obviously reduced me to another deep depression...I am a Muslim, however hard my life is, I should have never ever consider ending it.

I was called for a investigatory meeting...I was asked 88 questions by CPB, another Locality Manager and a HR person.The meeting lasted for 4 hours. MB waited for me and bawak I pergi makan Curry Laksa after that.***Note: Walaupun I selalu bergaduh dengan MB macam kucing rumah and kucing rumah sebelah, kalaulah tak ada MB yang memujuk and menyuruh I bersabar, mau rasanya I terpengsan di tengah-tengah jalan.I may not be so lucky in love and other things, but I must tell you, I have the bestest of friend***

The board meeting told me that they will contact me in a week.The 2nd week of agony really takes it toll of my health.My heart felt so weak.I was with F who tirelessly tried to cheer me up. I went out for a walk to get a fresh air but I was so glued in my bed (and self pity). One day that week, I went out to get my father a birthday card.F said, mata I nampak macam basah-basah and said, I should cry if feel like to.But I just didn't.

Sending father the birthday card, make me wonder the pain I put him through. He is worried about me, being alone here. Mother said that we should never make him worry because he can't cope with worry.For the last 10 years that is what I did. I made him worry.I imagine what I am feeling at that time, with my gradually weakened heart to the pain I caused my father. I am still young (maybe healthier) but my father? Why did I do this to him?

Today is my first day back at work.Everything stays the same. I was in the meeting earlier with CPB and she dropped me off to work.I locked myself in the office all the time and asked my colleague to take messages.I need to get re acquianted with my work and most of all, my confidence.

For sure, this work is not everything anymore.It is just the money.And I can't wait to see my family.