About Me

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Contemplating...

Dalam pada laptopku ittew gagal berfungsi sepenuhnya (adapter nya rosak ...hish..all this gadgets kan...ada aje idea nak ngabiskan duitku) I am so determine to update my blog, walaupun terpaksa pinjam computer orang.

I told 2 of my friends merangkap bloggers yang malas menghapdate blog that I intend to make this page private.

I told them that my reason is sebab I malas nak hupdate.Tapikan..tu reason palsu tawww....

If I can be honest, I have lately find blogging is a bit emotionally overbearing.

As much as I enjoy making and meeting new friends, I soon realised that I am not even half of what people think I am.Itu tak pe lagi...well,I think everyone knows that they shouldn't believe what they read, so if I lied, I got away with it.

I have nice people who gave nice feedback...too nice that I am now very,very anxious.

I also have have nice people who wants to be my Facebook friends.Some who passed security questions dah lepas lah masuk...but to those who are still pending, I really do have to apologise.

I have my fair share of bad comments (that obviously tak kena published) and kata-kata sindiran.How quick people to judge.

I am like you and like other people you know who can be emotionally affected.I too, get offended with obscenities and harsh critisism.Simply because my self esteem is not as high as I want it to be.

Like many others, I have my own problems,moment of madness,bad day and any other things. It is not easy to remain 'tak kisah' dengan apa orang kata.

You want to be honest with what's in your head...pun orang kata.I wonder if I write about my shopping trips (if any) and my non-existent private activities...lagi lah orang cakap macam-macam.

To those yang menyindir...I have no response to your sindiran.But I must tell you that you have succeeded in your intention, whatever it is it's only clear only to you. I hope you're happy.

To those yang mencarut,those who question my faith hence passing judgement to my parents ability, all I can say that I will not judge your parents based on your action, however I do hope that in future you lay off them.

I seems to get this question a lot...tak menyesalkah you kalau mak bapak you mati you takde nak mengadap?

If I can answer this question with all honesty...of course I wish to be with them on their last day however I do believe that this is a rezeki awarded by Allah.You can live next door to your parents and missed the final call.You don't know...and it is only fair if you don't assume.

Believe me, nobody wants to be far,far from parents,siblings and friends but if life is that easy, we won't be having this conversation.

Speak soon.

21 comments:

Manal said...

YA MAN, good on ya man (cakap bunyi mamat2 brixton and hackney, those west indies).


People find it hard coz it aint their reality that bites them hard till they get to taste their own medicine? Telling people off as if syurga is already meant for them , acting holier than thou is so malay-sian. Good for u to remain true to urself in your own conscience!

Noraini said...

Makji!!!! Please dont make ur blog private!! Honestly i have been reading thru ur archives (i'm sure u already noticed that!!!) but rest assured i'm no stalker.

I just found some of ur ramblings are quite relevant (pasal chenta agung, not quite getting on with partner, gila kerja, kaki tido/makan yada yada yada) things i cant quite get out of my head and u did. Aptly.

Tp kalau makji nak gak buat private, i respect ur wishes. But DO include me ye????

Hang in there makji, kalau kita sibuk nak please others with "apa org kata" let them lah. Org2 penjaga pintu syurga ni mmg suka sebuk dosa pahala org walhal kurap sendiri pun dah menanah. Wekkkkss!!!

-peminat baru makji yg kecewa makji nak jadikan blog dia private...uhuksss-

p/s: sorry lah kalau dpt multiple komen, PC wa sewel.

Noraini said...

Btw, makji, tak yah le post this komen, i just wonder if u can edit my name kat komen tu? Kang tau pulak opismet yg wa bloghop waktu keje....wakakakaka! TQ makji.

teja said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
teja said...

for me it's simple, i read the blog with open mind. apa2 yang boleh buat tauladan,i churn it in, yang tak kena pada i, leave it out! kita ni manusia biasa, tak seorang pun yang bersifat sempurna... dan sekiranya Allah ingin memberi hidayah, sekelip mata ia boleh berlaku!
-Lina

Hjh Esah Jolie said...

Manal...true MAN..true. I was just a bit 'vexed'...that's all.

Hello Noraini bukan nama sebenar...aiyo, I don't know what button yang ku dah terpicit, I can no longer edit the comments and unpublish it..sorry..

Ni bukan sebab nak please orang la..ni nak please diri sendiri ni...hehehe.

Teja...that's the problem.Some people just don't.

Mama Hasif said...

alaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..................... kalau nak make it private, pls la invite me eh.. i'm one of ur silent reader,dah lama dok follow blog ni.. not a stalker, no harm intended.. puhhleaseeeeeeeeee...

:: rockafella yanz :: said...

ooittt Esah. Adakah aku blogger ittew yg ko meaningkn??? uwaaaaaaaaaaa :( matila terasa emo kejap. uhuks.

Hjh Esah Jolie said...

Mama Hasif...stalk la lagi..I sukaaaa...

Yanz, hmmm..part mana yang kau terasa emo tu? Part yang blogger malas hupdate tu ke? Hmm...aku pun taktau..hehehe.

Roti Kacang Merah said...

Ya la ya la if you plan to 'privatise' your blog, PLEASE do count me in also, can??? i been good and kind to you, what... in fact, SO kind that i think this is my first time dropping a comment in your box after all these while being your silent ardent reader :-)

you know la some people would go so far to 'berdakwah' kononnya, instead of using whatever they read on the net as, oh, i dunno, to open up their eyes that the world is SO large out there and there are SO many kinds of people living their own kind of lives, you know... padahal, the easiest they could do is just find the door and get the hell out and stop sakitkan hati strangers... non?

just be YOU la dek non. fedulikkan orang lain. faling fenting, you tak ganggu hidup dorang. THAT in itself, you dah better off than them. kan kan kaaaaan???

*ni effort nak pujuk jgn privatekan blog sampai komen ni panjang macam entry la pulakkkkk*

[danial][ma] said...

hej! mak aji...just blog happily and don't give a damn to others that don't respect or understand your freedom of blogging...do include me if you want to make it private...let's spread luv not hatred...;-)

Goddess Selene said...

Apakah mak jugak yg termasuk dlm list tak hupdate blog tapi harap org lain hupdate ittewww..? FINE mak pon terasa!!! *nangesss dlm almari!!!

LadyKuWeen said...

makji, jgn lupa kan i tau kalo nak private kan mende nih... :(

Lee Novotny said...

Mrasa kau yang kena Goddesss!!!!! Hhahahahaah ***pose pose gelak besar jin aprit!

Goddess Selene said...

FINE mak sentap sekarang!!

Aina@Azila said...

ha ha ha.... Godddess memang layak pun pun terasa kah kah kah. Kalau ada award Blogger yg paling malas, Goddess lah pemenangnya kah kah kah..*ketawa ala mak jin. Tahu tak per...

p/s makji eton, akak gurau jer tau, jgn amik hati lak.

tokasid said...

Salam mak aji Esah:

I think I can understand why u are feeling like this.

Blogging is o write anything you feeling like writing and it doesn't have to please anyone except yourself.

Of course there will be lots of ppl who like to judge others( esp org kita: Melayu ler...) kerana ramai org Melayu ada sikap hollier than thou attitude( aku pong kadang2 lagu tu jugak) sedangkan they don't know a thing about you.

Memang la penat nak buat pekak dan buta bila orh judge atau hentam kita tapi lantaklah apa org nak kata.

Soalan ttg kalau parents mati you tak ada nak hadap tu...adalah soklan bdoh dari penanya. Ajal maut jodoh rezeki ALLAh yg tentukan.Kalau tinggal di Ingland tokdin sekalipun tapi kalau ada rezeki jumpa makpak kat death bed depa akan jumpa juga.Kalau dekat tapi tak dak rezeki, tak jumpa jugak(macam aku ni masa pak meninggal 10 years ago, macam2 halangan berlaku yg mana aku sampai rumah semua dah solosai)

You go privae if you want to makji, but just to let you know, your ramblings made lots of ppl smile and laugh their hearts out. And cheered some depressed souls.

Whatever it is gonna be, we must respect your decision.

ps- gigi ko dah baik blum?

Hjh Esah Jolie said...

Haiyoo...korang ni.Bila pulak lah I menyindir you all? Ni agaknya masa SPM, soklan tak baca betul2..

Sila lihat context ini...'I told 2 of my friends merangkap bloggers yang malas menghapdate blog that I intend to make this page private'..bukan kah ia menyata kan yg I telah ber discus dgn 2 org kawan blogger I yang malas hupdate...hish Pn Zaiton dgn Yanz ni betul la nak kena rotan!!!

Hjh Leemah pun satu..sokaaa nyakat Pn Zaiton.Cepat berdiri atas kerusi!!!

captainlukman said...

ermmmm mak tak cakap sapa pun...n mak tataw pun sapa**tetibe bimbo**

Anyway,i was thinking to private my blog too, but i guess so far takda lagi org nak jahanamkan blog aku, so yes rpivate terus mak Pn zaiton, pastu tak update2 hahaha**ops**


let what ppl think n say abt us, i know u r not bad kan..as i know u ni kelakar..

but i know, if u privatise your blog, i ALREADY included!!! **thats for sure Pn. Zaitongggggggggg...i knew it** tetibe kan hahaha

Didi G said...

Mak Aji, I'm your silent reader. I baik. Manal kenal I. :D

AreDenG said...

include iols gak k....fefeling knowing u sesunggoh thru ur blog kekdahnya.