About Me

Saturday, August 25, 2007


Somebody decided to make a lawatan mengejut kat Twickenham today, only bad timing that I was actually at Finsbury Park, 40 minutes away from where he said he was calling me from. I really should tell him that I am now with someone, some people or more precisely said, jantan ni kenkadang if they think that you're free, they thought that you got nothing better to do or nobody to see. I think JT assumed that I am single and I, orang tak tanya so buat apa susah-susah nak bagitau orang kan? Lagipun, bachelor ( I really mean singleton) can still do the MBA thingy....Married But Available...and life will be so colourful dengan adegan cakar-tumbuk-makihamunan kan?
I asked F if I can go out and meet an old schoolmate, of which (sebab dah berbaik-baik ni, apa aku mintak kasik lah kan) dia bagi dengan senang hati sebab dia pun nak tengok Arsenal game. So, tadi petang, berlangsunglah adegan dating-datingan antara Makji Esah dengan Duda-to-be K kat Old Compton street (motif pilih gay bar for lunch?) I was so impressed dengan kegigihannya nak travel ke Central London today. It was a nice day with good weather with a bright sun (as if aku suka matahari) and ramai betul mamat-mamat naik tube dengan tak pakai baju tayang sic pack diorang, boleh?
He was a bit uneasy when I only opted Chicken Caesar Salad for lunch and I pulak, betul lah tak pakai otak kan...pi cakap kat dia that I have to watch my figure yang dah makin debab sejak balik dari Dublin ni. (Honest truth, last night I ordered Indian takeaway and all content of the cartons gone in 60 minutes, melantak cam tak hengat donia)
Well next time, kalau you all keluar dengan sesiapa yang bersize debab dari you all, janganlah pi cakap kat orang tu yang you nak jaga makan sebab tak nak jadik gemuk, pasalnya, si K tadi terus terasa (hish...macam pompuan lah pulak) yang I kata dia gemuk. Hello ? Okay, how very insensitive of me, but you all meh sini I nak bagitau, I am not good at menyindir orang, I was talking about me...and K, being supersize me nya, terus cakap (meluat I tau dengan adegan-adegan merajuk ni) I tau lah I dah gemuk, tak payahlah sindir-sindir...
Hish...siapa yang sindir you? Kalau dah rasa diri tu gemuk, gemuk lah kan...janganlah makan banyak-banyak. Pergi lah berdiet ke, liposuction ke, hapa ke...furthermore, you obviously happy with your size and jangan lah tiba-tiba nak emosi pulak. Well, if you must know, ini semua kata-kata dalam hati aje. What I actually said to him is that I am talking about me and I don't even realised that he got weight issue (penipu sangat kan I? Yang aku dok mengumpat dia dalam blog ni tak sedar)
And bermulalah kisah-kisah hingga terjadi nya supersize me. K told me that he developed an eating disorder bila dia di dumped oleh kekasih awal dan akhir MRSM nya tu. He lost sight of himself (that would explains it....he lost sight of his body but with clear visibility of food) I corrected him on what he thought was an eating disorder, you turned into comfort eating lah Encik, itu biasalah bila you tengah depressed, ada orang tak lalu makan and ada orang pulak terlalu-lalu pulak makan.The worst bit bila terlalu makan and terlalu pulak lupa exercise, makan badan pun kan menjadik terlalu besar lah kan? K said he was a lot bigger before and now he is losing weight (nak gelak...nak gelak...) and he needs motivation. He was looking in my eyes directly when he says he needs motivation tu, and aku pulak, eyyy, why are you looking at me? I pun makan macam Majlis Perbandaran tau...
I told him that please don't count on his lucky stars for me to be available for a meeting next time round. I told him about my work and how my weekend is sacred. I told him what I think of his new habit, suka-suka turn up and ajak I keluar, not that I am complaining but I really don't want to be in the situation where he merajuk sangat-sangat that day. I told him that I'm sure that he has other people he can pencil in for his next surprise visit.
'But you're different. I wish that we were close before, you're like my missing puzzle'
'What do you mean?' (Masa ni ayam Caesar Salad yang I tengah kunyah tu rasa macam nak tersangkut kat my kerongkong)
'When she left me (he is talking about his first gf) I was messed up big time. I feel suicidal at time and homicidal even...rasa nak pergi bunuh dia, but I can't do much. I met my wife, she was totally a different character and I thought I am going to be happy. But I am not, that frustrates me. I do have friends but they don't relate to me like you do.'
'You should really go out more'
'I don't think I can or I wanted to'
'Yes you can...there's plenty of people that can be your friends, man, woman'
'You understand me'
****Notes, I think K is the one-person person type. Or probably his confidence was shattered badly and this makes his vulnerability rather obvious***
'I take it that I'm the first person you spoken to about your wife'
'I think so'
'There you go, you have been bottling them. I must say I'm honoured that you trusted me but you must acknowledge that you're in some sort of bereavement and you're grieving your loss and to you, people who listen is the one who understands the most'
'I don't think so...is not that I'm in love with her that I kecewa maut...we are divorcing, no one has died' (hamboiii...bongkak nya si Debab ni)
'Bereavement...mourning a loss is not only subjected when people die, but you can also mourn your loss of identity or just anything that have been a part of you or anything than can affect you emotionally.You love her and that is why you married her, maybe she is not the one that you're in love with but your marriage won't happened without love.You have lost that feeling for her, and that is your loss.And you're upset because of it'
'You have reasons for everything'
'I'm only trying to make you realise what you're feeling and not to put blame on yourself or your wife'
'What do you think I should do?' (Classic kan?)
'I can't tell you what to do...what do you want to do?'
'I don't know, I'm so messed up'
'Well, at least you're not trapped in a loveless marriage anymore. I will keep an open mind if I were you.Try not to have expectation'
'But I am lonely'
'Because you're too focussed on your loneliness'
'I have to tell you that I'm happier when I'm talking to you'
'I think what you mean is 'relief' rather than 'happy',of course when you opened up, you feel relieved and when you're relieved, you will actually feel quite happy'
'Eh..you macam dah bosan dengan I aje'
Okay.....now I am convinced that lemak dalam perut dia dah naik sampai ke otak and that causes him the brain dysfunction.How nonsensical.I had to tell him that I am going to be a bit busy over the next two weeks (I keep thinking should I tell him that I'm not as free as he might think) and maybe is not a good idea for him to keep popping out from nowhere.
To make matters worse, he asked 'Will you be going to Beckendonbury for that Merdeka Celebration? I'm going so I wonder if you want to come with me'


DBI said...

best plak cerita JT ni....
tengah tengah dating tu sempat lagi analisa masalah /karektor org..kelasss...

Anonymous said...

hi makji, han, esah jolie.. whatever ur name is:)

i dah katam baca blog u.. hilirious but informative and interesting..

matila si jt tu dah bedebub ati kat u.. sat gi u suffocated la pulak nak temuntah pun ada!!

but mebbe orang handal psyche macam u ada cara lain nak deal dgn dia..

keep writing.. dah jadi creative writer pon!

Elviza said...

Esah, aku dah jadi tertaksub pulak dgn drama2 JT nih (that explains me logging on the internet on a sunday evening to read your blog as opposed to spending time with my kid!!!).

Good thing you told him exactly what your stand is. The bad thing is, well, he doesnt seem to understand it. Mungkin betullah Esah, the fats gone up to his head! Fuh, bestnya aku kutuk orang...

Is it true that when we feel lonely is because we are too focussed on the loneliness? Ke you main taram jer to escape him? I am curios - thats all.

Hjh Esah Jolie said...

DBI, bukan analyse (but speaking of that, aren't we all...balik tang jumpa orang..mulalah start, I rasa they all tu camni, camtu...) When you're talking with someone, you kind of see or given a small idea what he is up to, or what just happened to them, and with that puny info, maka bersedialah mengatur kata...but, I am no expert, therefore, I am up to upsetting people as I go along...hehehe...

Nony (my name for anonymous)For you to khatam on my piece of SH*T, cost loads of effort and I must thank you for that.JT is looking for comfort and I just happened to be the Softlan...(ish..mana vomit bag ku)

Elviza...what are doing here on sUnday morning...dah cepat, gi basuh kain...In respond to yr curiousity, put yr self where you're are now, without hubby and baby, far from home and with little friends, you can't help to notice what is obvious, which is alone and alone is lonely.No matter how busy u can be or how much ppl you see, when you start to realise that you really are alone, then the loneliness will appear and we can't help to notice what is true.I feel like that (lonely) when I'm idle...when I start to think that I actually have no one here with me (ni bila bergaduh tak bertegur sapa dgn my partner) and I'm going to focus on that until I found something else to keep me occupied. Is this make sense to you? If I want escape him, what I'll do is main-main my mobile phone, make it ring pastu purak2 terima urgent call suruh i blah from there...celaka kan?

Elviza said...


I hate it when you make sense. Apa nih...this is supposed to be fun blog/tempat kutuk orang kaw2.

Why am I blaming you? I asked you the question right? (Dasar selalu dalam denial malas nak admit diri salah!).

Have a great sunday dear friend. Go out, smell the flowers... make use of the few last stretch of the summer days.

Oh, thank you - for the making me understand.

Hjh Esah Jolie said...

Elves....cehhh, pandai betul aku menukar nama hang.Is that another question 'Why Am I Blaming You?'Well, you hv answered yr own question there,there's something abt me that is similar to you and that you're not happy with...apakah itu? Denial syndrome...muahahahaha...

Well, I'll be lucky if I can smell the flowers, selalunya yang prominent ialah bau BO manusia-manusia who never heard of a thing called 'deodorant'.

Anonymous said...

dear hjh esah,

kelakar betul i baca dialog u with JT tu...erkk he sounds a bit
2)ngah nak mengayat u
3)never take 'no' for an answer
4)cam x in love with anybody but
5)cocky pun ada gak!!...

if i were u, i pun rimas....mamat ni x sibuk ke buat Phd yang selalu turn up unexpectedly?? konon2 nak be romantic la kot....kalau 10 years ago, i rasa u would fall into his charming acts ni but dah tua2 ni i doubt that's acceptable esp semua orang sibuk with career etc...

but i wish ur relationship continues ler ngan dia so that we all could baca ur blog and gelak2 and relate to ur somewhat 'englightening' experience hehehehehh...

btw, from 1-to-10, how would u rate him dalam ke"hansoman"nya these days??? i'm trying to picture him in my head actually...

take care

Hjh Esah Jolie said...

Hi Ina...while I suspect ramai betul yang suka I gi dating dgn si Tembam ni dek nak dengar cerita kutukan-kutukan bernas I to him, I have come to a stage yang I am so close to muntah belalah ditengah jalan, even on the phone...ni lah padahnya rajin melayan. JT was so so good looking 16-17 years ago, and he still is albeit the lebihan molekul dlm badannya, it is just I keep remembering him as a tall,slim and nicely tanned man.2 out of 10 lah now ni...


Manal said...

Makji, besides all that u've clevaly cooked up (or cocked up as well)here, this JT seemed like he badly needed to "release" his tension on his poor cock. Not only has that buddy being covered by layers of fat from his tummy that made it less visible when he's standing, its role has been reduced to its original purpose: to pass the urine.

Lonely....piiiraaahhhh....more like merenyam keliling and nak lepas geram. Good that u still managed to handle this JT. I dont think he knows that his antics/persuasiveness are so old school. Was he thinking that u r an easy target and u tak kisa "layaning" him more than just lunches?

Like u have reminded him that his marriage to his wife was due to his "loneliness" and "fucked up" feelings. As egoistic as he can be, he needs to get some councelling help if necessary. Sure, to a certain extent, he's grateful to have stumbled upon u so he can brave himself to be frank to gain some self-esteem. Yet, he's not thinking straight but rather looking out for some instant solution so he can focus more on his PhD once he can annoy orang lain. U r right on the need to ignore him bit by bit like all those busy excuses and stuff like that. He's getting too clingy and thats clearly is a bad sign. Kalau dia dah kemaruk sgt, soh mak pak dia carik kan bini in msia and marry him off the pakistani way!

zewt said...

men shall always be men eh? hahaha... blame it on the DNA!

mutalib said...

dia nak main ngan u je laaa.. ape lagi yg nak di analyzekan??

Anonymous said...

Dear Makaji, A'kum

I'm the wakil of Debab-debab of Scotland nak saman you pasal mempersendakan debab-debab of England. Dan nak saman K tu jugak psal bangang nak mampus. Memalukan debab... (six pack to a barrel geng) Makaji have the point psal K tu is dude-to-be..(duda2b) wakakaka... lonely konon. berlambak awek... suruh dia mai inverness... jom cari LochNess monster.... lagi senang dari cari Melayu kat sini.

Tell K to get oot and aboot here. lot to see in North Sea.. bawak bini dia sekali... silap2 by the time balik bini dia dah mengandung. Geng debab bleh tolong sponsor.

Yang si JT tu dah jadi mcm soap drama lak... Makaji pun dok ada hati kat dia lagi la tu. I think he seems to know u in and out. She him what you made of Makaji.

Enjoy ur summer while still last. Here temp dah goin down to 4-5 degree most d time

Baron(Barrel?) of Inverness