Just A Feeling

I Have Had Enough Tergolek-Golek Like This

What a pity...celebrating birthday seorang diri.But on a brighter side,I want to look at it as a mental preparation.Manalah tau kalau-kalau one day bila saham dah turun and orang pun dah tak nak,tak ke kena wish diri sendiri? Thank you ever so much for the well wishers and also the dedicated blogposting.Thierry Henry pun bagi I birthday present jugak,his last minute goal against Live A Fool tu.Wakakakaa....

One of my friend send me an e card today.I haven't heard from him in ages,maklumlah dia ini adalah kawan yang terpaksa kupinggirkan disebabkan hubungan kamcengnya dengan my once upon a time 'Cinta Agung'.Manalah pulak dia dapat my email address,malaslah pulak kan nak buat CSI.Biarlah Grissom and his team yang buat menda-menda tu.I pun malaslah nak send email just to ask 'Hey,where did you get my email from?'.Nanti orang ingat I ni macam popular lah sampai semuanya pun nak secretive.I emailed him back to say thanks and wish him a good new year and pakcik ni dengan secepat kilat balas my email,thanking me for thanking him.Bukan setakat tu aje,malah ada jugak info selit-selit pasal kawan kamceng nya tu, yakni ex boyfriend ku yang sanggup mengahwini pompuan lain ketika masih bertunangan denganku (cehh..complete kan?) I really feel like shit after reading that info, no offence to him sebagai pembawa info, but I thought ignorance will be such a bliss for me.Maklumlah..hati ini telah dilukai.I can't deny my rather developing interest of receiving that info,but after all these years,what for ye? Buat koyak hati aje.I still remember how hard it was to get rid of him of my system.Until one day bila I dengar lagu Ruth Sahanaya 'Merenda Kasih' when the part she nyanyi...dan bila kita memang harus berpisah..ohh kekasihku...biarkan aku dengan cintaku, dengan jalanku..kan ku ukir manis kenangan kasih kita...I suddenly look up and said, okay..enough is enough lah.Kalau sana dah tak kena,sini tak kena..you should really tell yourself that 'memang kita harus berpisah' and parting was made easy walaupun menyayat hati.You can see that you're hurting.Brace yourself...ikutlah nasihat Ruth Sahanaya tu.

I replied that mail.I keep thinking that there might be a risk exposing myself as having similar interest.You knowlah kan..what written and not spoken can easily be misunderstood. But lantaklah..masing masing dah tua.He can think whatever,anyway I'm not that near.I told this guy that I have moved on (ye ke?) Well, kind of.I'm with someone now.It is doing my head it sometimes big time, but I am with this person.Tak perfect pun,tak perfect lah.As you get older,there is more to life than Cinta Agung Meleleh-leleh.I made it very clear that he is the one person I don't want to stay friend with.By the sound of it,dia masih menduda and nak mengayat.Well, it is 2 times too many.Tapi dek kegatalanku yang semulajadi ni...(or curious) I hantarlah jugak regards to him,wishing him well but it is better this way (lost touch) If he pandai,he will know why I made that decision.

Now you know why some people do not want to stay friends with their exes.Maybe some people can.Like my current partner.Adalah 3 orang yang masih keep in touch dengan dia.My partner ada selori balak ex girlfriends.40 katanya.Tak tau lah if myself ni inclusive.Tak kesahlah..dah lepas.Bila I dengar betapa besarnya angka tu mulalah kepala ni pikir betapa 'dahsyat' nya kebuayaan dia itu.But Frankie still maintain 'kesucian dirinya'.Podahhh...It is so hard to stomach in when a self confessed shy person can ayat that much of people.Pemalu kunun...malu taik kambing lah.

Dulu-dulu,I ada jugak gatal nak berkawan dengan mamat-mamat yang telah kukeciwakan.My reason is just plain nak kawan more or less to help me lessen my guilt kerana leading them on.But they bolayan me you.I know why.Maybe it was easy for me because I yang takde feeling chenta-chenta ni.

But again,I personally would question how strong was your chenta if you can be friend with your previous ONE.I can't.Nasib baiklah tak ramai.I once asked Frankie,how can they maintain their friendship (dia dengan prev-prev dia tu) Well,they have to endure the 'edah' period..like a few years time..and when each other meet someone else and moved on and barulah pastu resume friendship. Wah...segitu gampang ya buk?

I still envy those friends of Dorothy's.Berkawan ala-ala touch and go.Hari ni jumpa dalam kekabusan sauna tu,having intercourse and move on.There is some kind of feeling that can be attach and detach.If only life is that easy.

Selamat.