Ada jugak orang nak baca luahan hati orang macam I ni.Even I don't like to read myself.That is what happened when you too busy reading others and that will also tell you how colourful their lives is compared to yours and that will left you with the 'jaki' feelings.Maybe. In case you're asking,I have not been well.Panas dingin,panas dingin camtu that made me come to a stupid conclusions that my blood is badly contaminated with toxins and that is making me sekejap demam,sekejap baik.I'm so certain that I am physically and emotionally depressed.Kerja banyak and bertambah banyak.Buku kena baca...(tapi, baca separuh, pastu tengok 'Frasier' berulang-ulang sampai penat and then tidur.Productive sungguh hidupku.
Realising that my life is heading somewhere unhealthy, I decided to play/be a good and caring loving partner by making way to Finsbury Park earlier than usual so that I can spend a long weekend.So, bila kat rumah orang, access to computer sungguhlah limitednya.Frankie have this idea that bila I dah pakai computer, I dengan automatic nya akan meng 'ignore' dirinya itu. Kalau ada access pun, ada time limit lagi...1/2 hour or 1 hour the most and not a minute more.Disebabkan tak nak nya berlaku percikan air liur yakni bergaduh, kuturutkan jua kehendak situa itu.But when you think about it, what is the point of spending time together kalau aku asyik nak ngadap pc aje? Partnership is about give and take kan?
I have a unconventional taste in a partner.While people usually go for security,looks and what not, I tend to go for people that I can have a debate with.People with wisdom to guide aku yang kurang wisdom ni.It sounded well snobbish but I can't help to to want that 'type' of people.I really disliked people doing small talk, not that I dislike them people but I just tak rajin with 'madah-madah berhelah' ni. My current partner and my previous person always been as direct as I expected and I somehow find the direct talk rather brave and intelligent.People often asked 'how can you tahan that' and 'if I were you, lama dah aku bagi notice kat dia'. I must admit that certain people can only tolerate a certain level of directness but somehow,if we don't exercise this,we will not know what else can come in our way.I like to see the worst in people first as that, I know what to expect in a long run.But one thing you must know that, enduring a bumpy ride is uncomfortable and you don't know if its going to be bumpy all the way.And if you're into this,you have got to have The Beatles by your side rendering 'All You Need Is Love' all the way through.
The beauty of my relationship is that I can say what is in my head and expect anything without any fear.We both hurt each other with the things we said but I can't remember us talking ourselves out of it.Because of that, every time we argue and argue bad, I expect the worst and then when we start talking again,no one will ever apologise because we have argued the things we want to argue.But satu yang I paling tak tahan is the sarcasm.Take this tip, if you can't take mild sarcasm with people around you,janganlah nak ber partner kan orang putih.Lainlah if you have serious hearing impaired.
I talked through my worries with my partner, how I think that I'm in the brink of being depressed.It is very important that you involve your partner in the time like this because kalau dah sakit nanti,yang akan kena tempiasnya dia jugak kan? And we both agreed that the first thing that I have to cleverly manage is my time. What I did on last Friday is to plan my weekly personal time table and I have to commit to it like my commitment to Diet Coke.My new life plan involves :-
Weekdays, I must be up by 5.45 am, personal care and breakfast.This must be done in a good time pace, and by 7.00 am, I must be down by the stop depan rumah and menunggu bus 481 dengan sabar. I must tell the people that I'm working with that if I am meant to consult them for an hour,I have to finish talking/listening when it reached 1 hour.The most important thing is to adhere my working hours.I'm doing 2 work in one and I have to be very careful as it can be draining.At the end of my working day, I have to exercise non-stop for 1/2 hour until I sweat out all the toxins.Then I will shower and after that is a me,me time (blogging,tengok TV what not) and must be in bed by 10.30 pm.
This will affect many pleasurable things like ...like...but put it this way, if you hardly see me around, then you know that it is not that I am ignoring you,it is because there's is things that need doing first than this.
But blogging is always my clandestine pleasure at work.You are all beautiful people.I must not lose touch with all of you.