About Me

Monday, January 08, 2007

Just A Feeling

I Have Had Enough Tergolek-Golek Like This

What a pity...celebrating birthday seorang diri.But on a brighter side,I want to look at it as a mental preparation.Manalah tau kalau-kalau one day bila saham dah turun and orang pun dah tak nak,tak ke kena wish diri sendiri? Thank you ever so much for the well wishers and also the dedicated blogposting.Thierry Henry pun bagi I birthday present jugak,his last minute goal against Live A Fool tu.Wakakakaa....

One of my friend send me an e card today.I haven't heard from him in ages,maklumlah dia ini adalah kawan yang terpaksa kupinggirkan disebabkan hubungan kamcengnya dengan my once upon a time 'Cinta Agung'.Manalah pulak dia dapat my email address,malaslah pulak kan nak buat CSI.Biarlah Grissom and his team yang buat menda-menda tu.I pun malaslah nak send email just to ask 'Hey,where did you get my email from?'.Nanti orang ingat I ni macam popular lah sampai semuanya pun nak secretive.I emailed him back to say thanks and wish him a good new year and pakcik ni dengan secepat kilat balas my email,thanking me for thanking him.Bukan setakat tu aje,malah ada jugak info selit-selit pasal kawan kamceng nya tu, yakni ex boyfriend ku yang sanggup mengahwini pompuan lain ketika masih bertunangan denganku (cehh..complete kan?) I really feel like shit after reading that info, no offence to him sebagai pembawa info, but I thought ignorance will be such a bliss for me.Maklumlah..hati ini telah dilukai.I can't deny my rather developing interest of receiving that info,but after all these years,what for ye? Buat koyak hati aje.I still remember how hard it was to get rid of him of my system.Until one day bila I dengar lagu Ruth Sahanaya 'Merenda Kasih' when the part she nyanyi...dan bila kita memang harus berpisah..ohh kekasihku...biarkan aku dengan cintaku, dengan jalanku..kan ku ukir manis kenangan kasih kita...I suddenly look up and said, okay..enough is enough lah.Kalau sana dah tak kena,sini tak kena..you should really tell yourself that 'memang kita harus berpisah' and parting was made easy walaupun menyayat hati.You can see that you're hurting.Brace yourself...ikutlah nasihat Ruth Sahanaya tu.

I replied that mail.I keep thinking that there might be a risk exposing myself as having similar interest.You knowlah kan..what written and not spoken can easily be misunderstood. But lantaklah..masing masing dah tua.He can think whatever,anyway I'm not that near.I told this guy that I have moved on (ye ke?) Well, kind of.I'm with someone now.It is doing my head it sometimes big time, but I am with this person.Tak perfect pun,tak perfect lah.As you get older,there is more to life than Cinta Agung Meleleh-leleh.I made it very clear that he is the one person I don't want to stay friend with.By the sound of it,dia masih menduda and nak mengayat.Well, it is 2 times too many.Tapi dek kegatalanku yang semulajadi ni...(or curious) I hantarlah jugak regards to him,wishing him well but it is better this way (lost touch) If he pandai,he will know why I made that decision.

Now you know why some people do not want to stay friends with their exes.Maybe some people can.Like my current partner.Adalah 3 orang yang masih keep in touch dengan dia.My partner ada selori balak ex girlfriends.40 katanya.Tak tau lah if myself ni inclusive.Tak kesahlah..dah lepas.Bila I dengar betapa besarnya angka tu mulalah kepala ni pikir betapa 'dahsyat' nya kebuayaan dia itu.But Frankie still maintain 'kesucian dirinya'.Podahhh...It is so hard to stomach in when a self confessed shy person can ayat that much of people.Pemalu kunun...malu taik kambing lah.

Dulu-dulu,I ada jugak gatal nak berkawan dengan mamat-mamat yang telah kukeciwakan.My reason is just plain nak kawan more or less to help me lessen my guilt kerana leading them on.But they bolayan me you.I know why.Maybe it was easy for me because I yang takde feeling chenta-chenta ni.

But again,I personally would question how strong was your chenta if you can be friend with your previous ONE.I can't.Nasib baiklah tak ramai.I once asked Frankie,how can they maintain their friendship (dia dengan prev-prev dia tu) Well,they have to endure the 'edah' period..like a few years time..and when each other meet someone else and moved on and barulah pastu resume friendship. Wah...segitu gampang ya buk?

I still envy those friends of Dorothy's.Berkawan ala-ala touch and go.Hari ni jumpa dalam kekabusan sauna tu,having intercourse and move on.There is some kind of feeling that can be attach and detach.If only life is that easy.

Selamat.

11 comments:

lekiu said...

How true. Wonder how some people can be civil with one another after an often messy break up. I will break into cold sweat kalau terserempak dengan any of my ex.

Frankie has 40 exes ? Dasar jantan kabaret. And on top of it all, to keep count !! Haha. On the flip side, think of the experience he has amassed. Lucky you !

Maybe celebrating on your own, you had some time for yourself to look back at your life and decide where you want to go from here on.

Henry's goal was a gem kan ? He passed the ball to himself and he scored ! Macam citer kartun jer.

Han said...

Well, ppl and their exes.Yours? Dengar boleh buat alumni? I wouldn't use the term 'kabaret', baik pompuan or lelaki...just because u have many..doesn't mean yr bawak menggeletis gila.Kan ke kita ni digalakkan Make Love not war..so,some ppl practise that..literally.
Henry? Told ya, that goal was for me.

Lee Novotny said...

Hati lelaki dan hati pompuan mmg lain; u ols pompuan nih most of u ols ad-dicnh touch and go bagai tu UNLIKE me (ehh lelaki kah mak??? oopsss)touch & go ittew okay sajork...

U ols, haiyyoo afsal tak bagitahu we ols u ols selebret sensorang?? kalau tak leh we ols mai umah u ols nun! (lagipun nak amik barang barang ittew unless semuanya dah habis u ols baham????)

Frankie ni mmg nak kena ajar nih..berani dia biarkan u ols celebrate sensorang?? Dasar partner tak guna! Cis!

lara said...

hi han

menarik sekali how your entries are parallel to what's going on with my life.. suratan atau kebetulan?

Han said...

Thanks Lara...ntahle...counter transferrence kot? Hope u okay.It's really shitty kan,if someone you hope to buried,exhume himself tetiba..if this is yr current situation lah...

Happy New Year.

Han said...

Macam tu lah Lee...dihalaunya I balkik rumah that saturday morning.Cam celbed kan? Nasib baik chenta...kalau tak...aku bunuh dah org tua tu.

Lee Novotny said...

Chenta kah kalau dia asik halau u ols?? What have you done to deserve such treatment???? No one on earth should be subjected to that kind of treatment; nak nak di hari ulang tahun kelahiran.. that is just so insensitive of Frankie... what a wanker!

lekiu said...

Yeah, how can he be so insensitive halau kau keluar ! Why do you let him bully you like that ? Why do you allow yourself to be treated shabbily anyway ?

Surely you deserve a lot better. Surely you could negotiate a better treatment and respect from Frankie.

noel yg reserved said...

hi! ketemu lagi...

I would like to requote whatever LeQ's quoted...how true...his experience i mean! hahahahahah

by the way...awat bella x comment lagi nih...aiseh!

Han said...

LeQ, kau tak tau..perangai aku pun sama buruk gak...camtulah...ni hati masih chenta, besok dah habis chenta, tataulah nak cakap apa lagi..

Hi Noel, mano kepuk ku?

Belladonna said...

Aku sebenarnya adalah antara orang yang masih berkawan baik ngan ex's. Cam Frankie cakaplah, habis tempoh edah & ada partner baru..then bolehlah resume frenship as kawan biasa. Yelah, dah ada orang baru tu tandanya dah move on lah kunun.

Tapi ada gak ex aku yang dah anak 3 sampai hari ni masih bengke ngan aku tanya "why u left me". Camnolah aku tak tinggal kalau dah tua bangka masih nak tanya mak boleh kawin ke tidak? cam sial je.

Tak cukup dengan tu, asyik compare aku ngan bini dia.. Allo, sapa suruh kawin perempuan taste mak ngko? Ha, sekarang kan dah rugi bini masih mudah dah rupa makcik..lainlah aku ni makcik vogue, hehehehe.

Han, kalau Frankie halau ko dari umah..apa kata ko balik je Mesia bila ko cuti without notifying em? Biar dia mencari-carik ko hi and low..baru dia tau ko pun bleh pedajal dia bila ko suka...hihihihih (matilah jadi fire stone)