About Me

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Cheating Heart

Since the start of the year,I was given this case of a woman that are troubled by her cheating husband.The fact that she is suffering from bipolar depression does not help at all.It turn out to be no one was cheating,their marriage was in trouble anyway and it has been for ages due to hubby is unable to cope with her manic episodes.His affair with another woman is a common knowledge to their friends and family but not the wife.
Note,I wasn't at all happy when I was asked to 'do' her as I never like 'marriage' problem.But after 2 weeks of 'doing' her,it become obvious that there is no 'marriage' apart from her still being legally married to him.If I understand it better,she have been living as a 'victim' of a cheat for many,many years.When I realised this,I can't help to think about the similar feeling that I still feel til now.Being cheated and how it hurts.I immediately take a huge sympathy on to her.As I do not have the obvious problem to cope mentally with cheating boyfriend but still feel like shit even after many,many years,what this woman is facing is treble blow.
The last 2 sessions with her was filled with conversation about an unfaithful personality.It may sounded bad but to really think about it,it is really not.We may all as well have one but some decided not to act on it.I am now talking about a cheating heart.
As an adult, since turning 16 until now, I only have 3 serious relationships...and honestly,while in these relationship,there was times where my cheating start to 'suggest' something naughty.I can't remember how but I had resisted it.Macam lah bagus.My relationships? The first one was cheating on me (or not,mind struggling betul lah dengan dia ni),the second one was me acting out as a victim from the first relationship and for that our relationship suffered badly and I was dumped.Served me right lah.Orang baik-baik,I pulak lah yang membuat perangai.But I should not have been in that relationship anyway as I was still 'grieving' and 'irrational'.I really regret hurting this person until now and this is something that I have to live with for the rest of my life.Emm,moral of the story,tak semua orang yang kejam tu tak ada hati and perasaan.Hehehe...okay,back to track.When I was with the first one and also the second, ada jugak hati ni nak 'menggatal' dengan orang lain.The best part is when you are not single,the offer keep coming in like you are the only one on earth that matters.Banyak betul indecent proposal.I think,as part of the anxiety of feeling that you are about to be stuck to this person you're with for the rest of your life or if not,the rest of your relationship life is making you edgy.The anxiety become worst and worst when you are about to get married (ohhh...tell me about it!) and out of all the time in the world,some people seems to think that the best time to agonise whether or not to marry or not to marry their partner is a few days or few hours before tying the knot itself.
Some people (common alasan is unable to resist the will power of kegatalan semulajadi) are brave enough to follow their cheating heart.Nowadays,everybody talked about affairs as if they're normal and acceptable.But until it happens to you, you can't know the pain and the misery of it, like I couldn't eat and I want to die.And I want to kill him and her, but her first!!!
This woman talk about her husband affairs with a deep and pure hatred.Even though her case is a symptom of unbalanced chemical i.e. her marriage didn't work and husband moved on and she is still unable to cope,I can't help to feel sorry for what she is feeling.In a way,she can't comprehend the fact that she is ill and that contributes to the breakdown of her marriage but her feeling of being cheated (even when she is not) is real.
Mind you,feeling is always real.Do not dare to tell people, your feeling is not real because if you don't feel it,you won't know it.Baik apa-apa feeling pun lah.Hati orang lain-lain.I really think that people who had been cheated on is still angry even after many,many years.The most common question that will popped out over years and years is why? Why do you have to lie? Why can't you tell me the truth? I bet on the cheaters point if view,there is certain things that you can't explain especially when you started to develop a divided feelings.I should stop here as I can see myself making excuses for the cheaters.As much as I wanted to,there is still something in me that have not cured,and that is from being cheated.
I'm telling you this as this case is making me sleepless...because it is so interesting.Interesting in a way that I feel that I myself is not a right person to be on the opposite direction of the chair.I may need your help dealing with it.
Thanks for reading.


lekiu said...

What constitutes cheating ? What if it is just close friendship through internet witohout any physical intimacy ? Macam cerita Tom Hanks dan Meg Ryan dalam You've Got Mail.

I know some female friends who would kick up a ruckus even in cases where the husband pours his heart out to a female friend.

Lee Novotny said...

Nok, lemme tell u a secret (well, not really a secret cuz mak pun dah tiga empat kali war warkan hal ni dlm blog mak dolu dolu).. mak pun Avang pernah cheated on dua kali, leyy??? Firstly with this Sarawakian guy who studied in the UK (while I was back in Malaysia after finishing my degree) and secondly with this Thai bastard during the time we kept going up to Manchester. Let me tell you this, we both have survived this infidelity...we both have been strong willed to go through this.. the fact that Avang had these affairs were due to the fact that he had just came out and flattered by the advances by these two young Asian guys. The point I want to make here is, some of us do go through a difficult relationship period but if we are strong willed, we can get through it,...just like u ols, Han!

About this woman, she may have a low self esteem and thus she has all these paranoia in her head that everything around her is ganging up to destroy her especially her marriage. Somehow, she probably needs to build up her confidence in herself, I think. Tak tahulah camna nak build konfiden tuh..tu u ols lah kena cari sendiri..mak dinch hui!!! hiks..tolonggggg akak tak bersalah!

Sometimes we don't tell our partner what really was going on simply because we don't want to hurt them. It's funny though cuz we do something that we know he/ she does not like but we are still doing it although we love them... ehh membebel berbelit belit piula mak!

Good luck u ols with ur new assignment!! :)

lara said...

dear han

err.. this has nothing to do with a cheating heart, but why didn't i see the tahi lalat in the previous entry's pic before? cheating eyes?

Goddess Selene said...

Ermmmmm.... i think she should start to think of other option to avoid infidelity from bringing her world down.. Salah satu cara ialah both, she and her husband start to make an agreement of open relationship!or fling (extra marital affair??) volley?? *matilamak ajaran sesat!!

Erkk... kalau pasangan gay mak rasa tak susah sgt tapi disebabkan dia fomfuan sejattie kan so very der feeling2 sensitif sgt. Most women think that the mariage is their only foundation. So sbb tu la kalau si husban buat hal dorg rasa terancam.. tgk mcm mak nieha telah melengkapkan diri dgn kekuatan 2 dlm satu!! hiks..

But anyway, Han u know lots then me, hopefully you can try to show her the way to get over it.. good luck yer makji..

Han said...

What constitues cheating? Entahlah bang...konek gatal kot?

Lee, wah? Avang main kayu 3? Very der tak caya...but you obviously forgave him.That is why you all masih bersama-sama berpoya-poya tanpa batasan.Aku ni je masih sakit hati.

Lara Dear,
That taik lalat? Wish it was mine.Sexy kan?

Haiyo Makji Eton,mujatab nasihat itu.Marilah kita bersama-sama embark on extra marital affair

Lee Novotny said...

Forgiven..BUT not forgotten, u ols :)

Belladonna said...

Kannn.. dah kena sebijik, baru ko tau kobau. Ko hengat aku tak tau ko simpan gambo and chat cecurik ngan one of your ex-alumni members? Gambo pompuan mana mata sepet try baju strapless kat fitting room.. received file punya folder to be exact. Sapa tuh? (sambil asah pisau).

Oooo, "I know some femal friends who would kick up a ruckus even in cases where the husband pours his heart out to a female friend".. Bukan fren-fren sayang, bini uols ni haa. Motif hantar gambar try baju?

Anyway, nasib minah ittew tinggal kat far-far-away land sudah berkahwin. Kalau tidak..emmmmmmmm

Belladonna said...

Han, lupa plak aku nak ngomen pasal si 'mama-mania' ni. Nok, bleh tak kalau kita make her believe that shes the victim, then make her realize that her husband tammo dia lagi..pastu dia mintak cerai and move on? Ke ada complications kalau buat camni?

Daripada gantung tak bertali, bagus divorce sajork. Kalau tak boleh.. maybe ikut je tips Hajah Coco Chanel :P