Since the start of the year,I was given this case of a woman that are troubled by her cheating husband.The fact that she is suffering from bipolar depression does not help at all.It turn out to be no one was cheating,their marriage was in trouble anyway and it has been for ages due to hubby is unable to cope with her manic episodes.His affair with another woman is a common knowledge to their friends and family but not the wife.
Note,I wasn't at all happy when I was asked to 'do' her as I never like 'marriage' problem.But after 2 weeks of 'doing' her,it become obvious that there is no 'marriage' apart from her still being legally married to him.If I understand it better,she have been living as a 'victim' of a cheat for many,many years.When I realised this,I can't help to think about the similar feeling that I still feel til now.Being cheated and how it hurts.I immediately take a huge sympathy on to her.As I do not have the obvious problem to cope mentally with cheating boyfriend but still feel like shit even after many,many years,what this woman is facing is treble blow.
The last 2 sessions with her was filled with conversation about an unfaithful personality.It may sounded bad but to really think about it,it is really not.We may all as well have one but some decided not to act on it.I am now talking about a cheating heart.
As an adult, since turning 16 until now, I only have 3 serious relationships...and honestly,while in these relationship,there was times where my cheating start to 'suggest' something naughty.I can't remember how but I had resisted it.Macam lah bagus.My relationships? The first one was cheating on me (or not,mind struggling betul lah dengan dia ni),the second one was me acting out as a victim from the first relationship and for that our relationship suffered badly and I was dumped.Served me right lah.Orang baik-baik,I pulak lah yang membuat perangai.But I should not have been in that relationship anyway as I was still 'grieving' and 'irrational'.I really regret hurting this person until now and this is something that I have to live with for the rest of my life.Emm,moral of the story,tak semua orang yang kejam tu tak ada hati and perasaan.Hehehe...okay,back to track.When I was with the first one and also the second, ada jugak hati ni nak 'menggatal' dengan orang lain.The best part is when you are not single,the offer keep coming in like you are the only one on earth that matters.Banyak betul indecent proposal.I think,as part of the anxiety of feeling that you are about to be stuck to this person you're with for the rest of your life or if not,the rest of your relationship life is making you edgy.The anxiety become worst and worst when you are about to get married (ohhh...tell me about it!) and out of all the time in the world,some people seems to think that the best time to agonise whether or not to marry or not to marry their partner is a few days or few hours before tying the knot itself.
Some people (common alasan is unable to resist the will power of kegatalan semulajadi) are brave enough to follow their cheating heart.Nowadays,everybody talked about affairs as if they're normal and acceptable.But until it happens to you, you can't know the pain and the misery of it, like I couldn't eat and I want to die.And I want to kill him and her, but her first!!!
This woman talk about her husband affairs with a deep and pure hatred.Even though her case is a symptom of unbalanced chemical i.e. her marriage didn't work and husband moved on and she is still unable to cope,I can't help to feel sorry for what she is feeling.In a way,she can't comprehend the fact that she is ill and that contributes to the breakdown of her marriage but her feeling of being cheated (even when she is not) is real.
Mind you,feeling is always real.Do not dare to tell people, your feeling is not real because if you don't feel it,you won't know it.Baik apa-apa feeling pun lah.Hati orang lain-lain.I really think that people who had been cheated on is still angry even after many,many years.The most common question that will popped out over years and years is why? Why do you have to lie? Why can't you tell me the truth? I bet on the cheaters point if view,there is certain things that you can't explain especially when you started to develop a divided feelings.I should stop here as I can see myself making excuses for the cheaters.As much as I wanted to,there is still something in me that have not cured,and that is from being cheated.
I'm telling you this as this case is making me sleepless...because it is so interesting.Interesting in a way that I feel that I myself is not a right person to be on the opposite direction of the chair.I may need your help dealing with it.
Thanks for reading.