I have been feeling restless these past couple of days.I have not got that spare time to update my blog as much as I want to.I envy those who update theirs daily and strive to do the same in mine as blogging make my mind free.But, I terpaksalah berpijak dibumi yang nyata.There is more important things to attend to.Nak nak I kerja dengan human wellbeing. But there is a cause of my restlessness. About 3 things that I know off.FIRST is ever since the new year, I keep getting message from my GP to contact them back 'because of my health' katanya. When I called back, they asked me to attend to another blood test.That made this one the 3rd blood test in the space of 8 weeks.Sakit sangat ke I? The nurse yang mengambik my blood berbotol-botol tu keep saying 'It's alright, there is nothing to worry about'.Ye lah tu.I don't know if I'm physically or emotionally sick. I try to exercise whenever possible eg.jalan kaki instead of naik bus and naik turun tangga office (tu jelah kan yang upaya) SECOND is 3 days ago, when I discovered that my return flight ticket to KUL is missing.I search the office up and down.Tak cukup dengan cari sendiri,siap mintak Miss South Africa dengan Miss Nigeria carikan pulak.Tentatively, I booked my return flight back in the early week of March.Ni dah hilang, nak balik macam mana? That piece of paper itself cost £200 and I can't stop being angry with myself for being so pelupa to put that ticket back in the secure pouch where me and Liza kept our passports,IC and surat beranak.I was and still busy,tapi tak nak lah guna that busy excuse to excuse my pelupaness and my cuainess.
THIRD is yesterday,when I was in a meeting and received this phone call from the Mega Big Boss, apparently ada pulak manusia bangang just popped into Head Office and complaint to them that I have not been returning her call.Ceritanya macam ni,ada Makcik Italian ni, hereinafter called 'Mammamia' lah ye...dari dulu tak habis-habis tak puas hati dengan my work concerning her son.Anak dia ni paranoid schizophrenic,baru release dari MH 3 years ago and since then,rehabilitate in the unit yang I currently managing.Susahlah kan kalau orang ingat sakit macam ni boleh baik sekelip mata.Ringan aje mulut I nak bagitau si Mammamia ni yang maybe ke'stoing'an anak dia ni adalah genetic tranfference dari dia sendiri.I have been very patient with this old bitch.The whole family is a nuisance.Satu kerjalah I semalam kena summoned pergi Head Office dalam keadaan hujan renyai-renyai tu,to explain myself to this Director Of Operation.But knowlah,if you work in a Social Care,macam mana basah pun benang kena tegak kan jugak (in a sense,salah dia besar pun,I akan tetap guilty jugak...eh,betulkah terminology tu?) Tak kisah lah,as long as you know that in the end,I have to foot the blame.But let me tell you how degrading this situation can be,especially dealing with those with mental incapacity.They usually or quite often get away with insulting you to bits.Not only that they get to insult your intelligence,I have had Mammamia reduced me to feel as useless as I can imagine.I never have the liberty to talk back (as it will only make me sink as low as her...as I keep telling myself) I desperately wanted to (god knows) I keep telling people don't keep things inside, it will end up eating you.That is not wrong at all.I have been keeping the words that is meant for her and her family for the last 3 years and I just never got the chance to say it (I can though, with risk of losing my job) and it is eating me badly, in terms of stagnant anger like gunung merapi pendam gitu. But what can I do? Occupational hazard kan? I just need to find or learn another level of perseverance.
And today, I terperasan that my credit card is not in its usual pocket in my organiser.I called my office at 6pm today, suruh si Miss Nigeria tolong carikan.At the same time I dengan Liza startlah bukak my work bag,belek satu persatu.After 2 hours masih tak jumpa.In the end terpaksalah I call the Credit Card Centre buat cancellation.Satu kisah lagi ni.Nowadays, England's Financial Company tend to shift their call centre to overseas, namely India.Merasalah kalau telephone tu dijawab oleh Shah Rukh Khan or anything of his kind.Susah betul nak mengadu.I kind of suspect that they read what they said,sebabnya ayat yang dipakai berulang-ulang.Lepas half an hour on the phone,barulah disuruhnya I buat police report and give them a call back with the crime reference number.Amaaaaa....kenapa tak cakap awal-awal? Because of that, tak dapat aku concentrate tengok Celebrity Big Brother.Celaka betul.
To sum up all my commiseration,my hair have been a total 'Cyndi Lauper' lah pulak.Ikut hati nak potong pendek aje,takyah nak style-style.blow dry bagai.Major geram ni.I think once or twice in year, I will have this girly miserable moment where everything serba tak kena.It is like you open your big wardrobe that full of clothing's and said to yourself 'Ishh..I tak de baju nak pakai pergi kerja' or keep telling people that you have not got shoes when your kasut can easily robohkan your shoe rack (dek banyak nya) or sikat macam mana pun rambut and still feel like Makcik.I bet that is a perfect time to wish if you were born a man who takyah sesusah nak jaga rambut and can botakkan saja bila malas nak shampoo.Men clothing's are ever so sepesen, baik kasut or baju.Senangnya.
I have to keep telling myself that ada ramai lagi yang miserable.Mine was minor compared to them but one can't help to moan.Moaning is good however annoying to others.You have to moan if you come across negativity.I can only wish that I will feel heaps better.
Kepada yang sedang bergaduh, berbaik-baiklah ye.Saying nasty thing especially in the presence of many people with clear intention to humiliate will only make you miserable than you already are.Misunderstanding is best addressed amicably.Even if you can't come to peace,you will still have the dignity.