The Oven Pizza Speaking

Ada orang tu buka puasa makan muffins aje semalam.Pemalas nak masak punya pasal. I worked the whole day yesterday and the day before yesterday and makan pun tak tentu. That day berbuka makan pisang, balik rumah,terus tidur and terlupa sahur.Semalam, while shopping for my toiletries at Tesco,capai muffins aje untuk buka puasa.Pastu tertidur lagi.Tau-tau terlajak sampai pukul 6.30 tadi pagi.Sebab takut sakit kuat hari ni (eh..I ada history accute gastrict uols..) I buat air panas and baca niat then terus minum.Lantaklah, janji tuhan tahu.

I tell you, hari ni hari yang paling teruk sekali pengalaman I berpuasa. Sakitnya perut.Hantu dua ekor yang tak puasa dalam rumah ni, meriah pulak buat breakfast.Lou segan-segan nak makan depan I tapi I cakap dgn dia, takpelah.I masuk bilik, you all makanlah. Baik orang putih ni,bila I tak terbangun sahur, dialah yang kejut I.Nak harapkan si Makcik Ketot tu,period lah setahun.

The worst part,I bergaduh lagi dengan si gampang Frankie tu.Enough to make me berbuka puasa jam-jam tu jugak.And dia pulak nak menaikkan suhu panas hati I,boleh dia suggest I pergi get something to eat.Memamg sah lah nak kena tinggal ni.

I balas dendam hari ni dengan memakan the whole box of that Tesco Oven Pizza.Hah..hambik.

10 out of 10 people yang tahu my problem, semua suruh I habiskan dengan dia.Kalau ikutkan hati,dah bagi notice lama dah,tapi kadang-kadang,when come to reminiscing the good days and ditambah dengan dia pulak yang suka blackmail nak commit suicide (not that I care anyway) kesian pulak. I selalu cakap dengan dia,is only love that keep us together.I don't know what else that left.

We tried this and we tried that. Today I realised that since I dengan dia, I lost touch with all my friends.Kawan dah lah tak ramai,bila dah tak ramai and tak contact mengontact,makin sikitlah collection.

Adalah mamat melayu yang I terjumpa kat North London, pastu kami pun kawan-kawan lah gaya telephone gittew..pun Frankie tak suka.I cakap dgn Frankie, don't worry he's gay, pon tak suka jugak. Dah la jantan tu kalau text I sekarang, asyik panggil I sombong aje.Angkara siapa tu?

Bila I single dulu,takdelah sakit kepala cam ni.Jerawat pun dah naik..ni mesti nak period 2,3 hari ni.Patutlah mood swing semacam aje.It's only me and Liza against the world.Kesana-kemari ogling jantan.

I'll diarised my predicament with Frankie, too see how I feel and whether is all worth the hassle and bother.

Well,I still have the strongest feelings and I don't know where will this take me. Wish me luck.

Break Glass...Break Glasss...

I pergi interview for my second job semalam petang.Okaylah..for few hours per week,tak ngaco my main job.In return,it pays almost £500. Kalau diikutkan, mmg la tak banyak mana, tapi pasal I'm so desperately need the interim session to accumulate my clinical hours,I agreed.Lagipon,masa interview tu, I tak demand sangat pasalnya,that placement is just 10 minutes jalan kaki journey from my flat and my future boss, is a practising GP (amatlah pentingnya untuk mengorak langkah toward getting placement for clinical works soon) and yang paling penting,my future clients,anak-anak dia,jantan 3 orang tu,teramatlah comelnya.

So by next week,I akan startlah menbanting tulang extra.Tapi takpe.£500 extra is a something I shouldn't complaint about and pasni,bolehlah I berpoya-poya sampai lupa daratan gitto.

Yang I risau ni,my future boss semalam cakap dgn I yang dia suruh sort out my visa to follow them to America for 2 weeks.Nak apply visa tu satu perkara yang cukup I benci especially time-time sekarang ni.How I wish I ada British passport,takyah nak apply US visa.Pastu lagi,cemana pulak I nak escape work in such a short notice? Yang genting highland yaamatz pulak is cemana I nak bagitau Frankie? Hari tu pergi Warsaw, merajuk seminggu and Vodafone bill I naik mencanak-canak pasal kena telefon dia hari-hari from Poland.Nak nangis bayar bill dekat £100,yelah, dah biasa bayar £30 je.

So,I am contemplating...tak nak pergi.Liza doklah mencucuk jarum jahitnya kata 'bodoh lah kau,kalau aku,dah pack bag dah'.Really is not a good time sekarang ni.Even at work.Minggu ni aje dah ada 2 incidents at work,hari Isnin lepas and tadi.Dua-dua police involved.One of my staff pulak behind my back,jadik Inspector Gadget and buat investigation,kununnya nak tolong I.I nak marah pon, tak sampai hati,but I cakap jugak dengan dia tadi, I appreciate your initiative but that is the wrong procedure.Pasal wrong procedure tu, I kena tegur dengan boss yang maha besar I. Aku ni pulak tak suka kena tegur especially kalau bab-bab yang bukan salah I.(Besarnya kepala)

Frankie plakkk...dah 2 hari I tak calling-calling dia.Kena diajar orang putih ni,jangan pandai-pandai nak celupar sangat.Rasa.Tengoklah besok,kalau aku ada hati nak jumpa dia ke tidak.

Apply visa to America? Well,dalam bulan puasa yang I dalam keadaan yang amat memilukan ni (lapar & dahaga) akan kuatkah semangat menjawab soklan-soklan celaka Immigration Officer tu?

I think dalam 3 problems above, problem dgn Frankie yang I find very susah to deal with.So,for that reason,I rasa, baiklah I takyah pergi.Bulan November ni nak balik KL lagi.Takpe,tu masalah bulan 11, bulan 11 lah pikir.

On a brighter side,I dah start hantar raya cards to my friends/family semalam. Mana yang rakan-rakan sepersundalan tu, merasalah dapat card with message 'Pecah Kaca Pecah Gelas, Sudah Baca Harap Balas'.Macam babi je pantun 2 kerat tu.

Something That I Must Know About...Me

Deepest sympathy to Sam,after all the bloggers poll and the highest votes,the juries (who are they?) still thinks that, it is not good enough reason to stay in the final.To add insult to his injury,some ungraceful losers decided that posting a childish,stupid,morally sore loser messages in his blog is the coolest thing to do.They got what they wanted, is that not enough? Maybe the good bloggers should think again about entering the contest next year as high votes don't guarantee a winning.

I have been incredibly tired since I started fasting.The fact that I kuat cikyak (2 kali sehari pulak tu) made matters worse, eventhough for some weird reason,it is making me healthy emotionally.By the time berbuka puasa, mata terus rasa nak tutup and tau-tau, terbangun when my mobile alarm beeps for sahur.I also have more time to myself since last Sunday.

Since I start that Behavioural Theraphy Course (and got promoted at the same time)I seem to lose sight to myself.Terkejar sana-sini,got completely messed up in soul-searching therapy sessions,tak cukup tidur,makan tak tentu,socialising thermometer toksah cakaplah...minus number aje, apart from office event yang sangatlah boringnya.

And 5 days ago,I rekindled with my missing personality and tahulah I betapa teruk nya I ni in person.I think now I should agree with the fact that I,

a) Most of the time, prefer my own company.
b) Whenever I have to get ready to go out, I will look at my built in wardrobe, staring at my pressed clothes and at the same time moaning 'Alamak,I takde baju'.So, yang bergantung tu apa?
c) Suka tengok 'Friends' berulang-ulang kali tanpa menghiraukan perasaan orang lain yang tahap ke 'buhsanan' dah sampai ketahap Power Rangers.
d) Benci bila my 'biskut bantal' yang my mother kirim kat I kena baham oleh Liza. I tak kacau pun dia punya Walkers Marmite.Puaka kau!!!
e) Bila I tengah masak, jangan datang tolong or jangan datang nak menyibuk.
f) I tak suka share my favourite thing, for example, kalau I suka makan Cadbury Whole Nut Chocolate,I will buy 2 of them, one for me, one for the people who pandai makan, tak reti beli.
g) Selalu salah parking my spectacles and pastu bad mood sebab tak jumpa bila crucial time i.e. time nak tengok TV or pergi kerja.Yang tukang kena cari nya ialah Liza.
h) Tak pernah offer nak buat hot drinks untuk Liza or Lou, in fact,aku yang suruh they all buat air untuk I.
i) Makan memilih.
j) Cepat panic.
k) Racist in denial. Bila I balik from work,nasib tak baik,travel satu bus lah pulak dengan budak-budak sekolah yg perangai cam lahanat.Sakit hati I bila yang some of them (yang tam-tam dengan yang ling-ling tu) berlagak like they own the bus.But, perlukerr aku generalise orang camtu?
l) Bila kerja office berlambak,I suka buat kerja lain yang takde pekdah..like bloghopping.(ish..siapa kata bloghopping takde pekdah?, maybe salah timing aje kot)

I think I should talk this through with my therapist.Tengoklah apa feedback dia.And you, Luke, tolong lah bagi resepi Mee Hailam dengan secepat mungkin.Harus ada massacre 2,3 hari ni.

Bravado Kills...

Camtu lah kisahnya. Again, I was working from home yesterday.Bukannya apa, senang sikit nak concerntrate. My QA Manager baru datang melawat last week, makin banyak pulak documents yang dia mintak.Tangan dah le ada dua aje.Tapi tak apa.Semalam sambil bekerja, sempatlah jugak berjalan ke Tesco,beli card.Nak buat Raya Card lah kesannya.Adalah this bunch of cards yang takde writings inside so I thought that it would be perfect to substitute Eid Card.Adalah gambar kucing dengan anjing tengah bersayang-sayangan..mesra rakyat lah tu.Tapi takpa,kad raya gambar kucing anjing,kucing anjing lah, janji hati ikhlas.

Since Sunday, after berbuka makan maggie goreng, I kemaruk pulak nak makan mee sup.So, I suruhlah Liza call kakak dia yang lebih handal masak dari Chef Wan ittew.Dapatlah kami resepi mee sup and I bought all the condiments while I was at Tesco.Dari pukul 5.30pm I dah start motong ayam.Semalam,I sakit perut cronic lah sangat.Maybe pasal I tercikyak dua kali.Tuhan lah punya kuasa,I ada masalah nak gi Toilet,tapi semenjak puasa ni,meriah pulak yang belakang tu.Puas I pusing-pusing rumah nak hilangkan that sharp sensation in my perut and kesudahnya,I masuk toilet and gosok gigi.Memanglah makruh, tapi mujarab you.Lepas gosok gigi, takdelah sakit sangat.

Sambil memasak,I pasanglah TV.Tengoklah chat show Sharon Osbourne.Rezeki bulan puasa,tetamu undangannya pulak David Beckham.Terus berhenti I masak kejap.Tengok muka David Beckham tu.Hilang sakit perut.Rasa nak masuk pulak dia punya Football Academy.David said he'll be opening one in Asia.Mesti nanti ada satu kat KL.Ramailah nanti mak-mak budak hantar anak-anak diorang masuk that academy pasal nak menjamu selera memandang muka David Beckham.So, Malaysia, nantilah kedatangan David Beckham.

All that cooking selesai pukul 6.30pm.I pun duduklah tunggu time berbuka.6.45 pm, mobile phone berbunyi and it said 'Office'.Hai, apalah di nak dek orang-orang ni.I pon terpaksa jawablah.My colleague cakap dengan I yang one of our client ni menumbuk another member of staff plus verbally assaulting seisi rumah and asked me if it's okay to call the police now.I pon, okaylah.Call lah.Dalam hati I, padan muka budak ni,dah selalu sangat menjahat dengan staff, biar dirasa dia tidur lokap malam ni.

After 5 minutes, hati I tergerak pulak nak visit the project.Nak tengoklah macam mana.I pon suruh Liza drive I pergi office.Liza then said, kau tak nak makan dulu ke? I said, nantilah, balik nanti makan.No one must come between me and my Mee Sup, kata kepala otak I yang lapar tu.

I arrived work at about 7.10pm camtu and 2 police officer tengah ber meeting dgn 2 staff I and that stupid man.I pon masuk lah that meeting mengintroduce kan diri.I pandang that guy (my client), depan-depan makcik Polis tu I cakap,Now you see see the consequences, yeah? This is what going to happen if you beat up others. Untuk menyakitkan hati dia lagi, I pon buat-buat tanya Makcik Polis tu, where do we go from here? Makcik Polis tu start lah lay down the law,how he will be taken to lock up tonight and go to court tomorrow.Rasaaaiiiin kau!!!

I keluar from the living room and have a chat pulak dengan Abg Polis yang berwajah comel ittew. Kami berdua pon kowtim lah.Ni kira nak teach him a lesson.Sebab budak ni, selalu pulak berlagak pandai.Dia ingat Polis tu nak take his side kot,hah..ditengking dek Polis tu,pucat muka.So, in the end, my colleague tak nak press charges (pasal dia kesian kat hamlau tu) and Police ended up cautioned him with condition,lagi sekali dia assault member of staff, dia akan terus masuk balai.

So, I pon terpaksalah hold emergency meeting dengan tenants lain.Kena bagitaulah kenapa Polis datang rumah,pasal they all tu kadang-kadang boleh takut tak bertempat pastu sampai malam tak tidur dek high anxiety.

My colleague cerita kat I,yang before I sampai, si budak pandai tu tunjuk berani memaki Polis.Buat macam dia tak takut apa and bila Polis cuba nak cakap dengan dia, dia gasaklah kata macam-macam.Polis tu terus 'Shut the Fuck Up' dengan dia.

I pon marah dia berdas-das.I kata lah yang dia tu bodoh.I cakap dengan dia yang I'm quite happy to see him sleeping in the cell tonight.Biar dia rasa pulak share bilik dengan rapist,murderer or paedophile.I cakap dengan dia, kenapa kau nak tunjuk kuat dgn staff, kau kuat ke? Kau ingat staff tak boleh tumbuk kau balik? I cakap dengan dia,I bet him my last pound,kalaulah staff tu bodoh macam dia and decide tu retaliate,mau mati dia semalam.Dia pandang muka I macam nak makan I lah pulak.I lagilah kasik dia habis-habisan..what? you want to hit me now? go ahead,I'm not scared.The Police are quite happy to come back.You'll end up in a straight jacket.

After that, I bagi peluang tenant yang lain-lain have a go kat dia.Habis semua cerita keluar,yang dia ni pemalas,tak buat apa-apa.I told the tenants that they are within their right to propose/request for him to be remove.

Then,I pon terkenang.I ni belum makan lagi.Baiklah stop sekarang.Ye lah, bila lapar kan cepat marah.Takut nanti bagi lebih-lebih, suicidal pulak dia malam ni.

Hah, begitulah ceritanya.Budak nan sorang ni,dahle ada moderate learning disability,one of dia punya hobby is 'bravado talking'.Dia selalu cakap dengan we all punya jiran-jiran yang dia belasah orang tu,belasah orang ni.Dia kenal orang tu,kenal orang ni.Bila my staff nak panggil polis, dia pon kata,panggil lah.Aku akan tembak diorang nanti.Pastu nak tunjuk lagi keberanian luarbiasa dia tu,dia cabar pulak polis tu.Apa untung?

I was reunited with my Mee Sup at 8.00pm camtu.Worth it kah?

Selamat Berpuasa

Alhamdulillah...I completed my first day of fasting without a hitch, considering I completely terlupa makan sahur.Because I hardly know any Malaysian or Muslim around the area I live,my puasa timetable is based on 'agak-agak'.I printed out a copy of the schedule for fasting from 'Ramadhan in UK' website and I find it very misleading as they have put the star mark on the 23rd.So, don't know if the puasa really should begin either on Saturday or Sunday.In the end,I'm back to the practical mathematic,where I start puasa on the first day of Ramadhan, which is yesterday, Sunday the 24th.

For me, it is specially difficult to puasa on Sunday, the day you tak kerja because banyak betul urge nak makan the 'bodoh-bodoh' things that during the day you tak puasa,tak nampak depan mata.So, half of the day yesterday, dihabiskan dengan berbaring-baringan saja.

I got up just nice at 6.30pm, and started to prepare maggie goreng.Yeah, my 1st day breaking fast meal is Maggie Goreng, Walkers Crisp Prawn Cocktail flavour,Cadbury Chocolate Cake and a mug of Peppermint Tea. I tried very hard not to imagine what happen in my family's house in Malaysia, in terms of what they have on their table at Maghrib's time.The thought of them eating Popia Basah enough to make me homicidal.

Disebabkan sehari tak makan..(but funny thing happened though, because dalam tak makan tu, perut asyik sakit nak cik yak aje..and then, I pon cik yak..bertambah kosonglah perut) right after berbuka, I terus tertidur.Tau tau, terbangun pukul 2 pagi...dengan keadaan air mata yang berlinang-linang.Kenapa ye?

10 years ago, at the beginning of Ramadhan, I sat down with my brothers and sisters, planning and delegating responsibility for Hari Raya.I remember vividly that it was so fun and we were laughing a lot.We honestly thought that maybe it is now wise to take charge of being incharge for Hari Raya, and to lessen the burden of our mother who have always took charge of everything until she lose sight of herself (dramatic lah pulak) All for of us decide how many kuih,small change and dishes we should serve people during raya and who will be responsible for it.After 1/2 hour of brainstorming,we got one responsibility each.And that's that.

A week after that,I called home and spoke to my youngest sister. I told her that I'll be coming back for the weekend I (as the following Monday was a Thaipusam Day) and as usual I asked after my mother. Frankly,I wasn't all whole hearted to come back as I hate to drive along Seremban KL Highway during the long weekend.My sister told me that my mother is in the hospital looking after my brother who was taken ill.

** Notes, my ill brother, 19years old who is a football player, schoold athletes and many more.Taken ill and hospitalised? What kind of demam that masuk hospital, especially for a strong young man like him? Musykil...musykil..

The conversation was normal and I end it at that,but something strange telling me that I must go to the hospital.On saturday morning, 3rd February 1996,I drove back home and decided that instead of go home straight, I should go to the hospital first,to see my mother and my brother.I arrived in the ward and saw my brother lying in his hospital bed and my mother is nowhere to be seen.I approached the bed and accosted him.I thought he is going to be surprised seeing me.He is much to weak to notice.I call him again..and again.The only thing he muttered was 'uh..uh..'

My back shoulder was pat gently.It's my mother.She ask when did I arrived and I said, just now.She went, I have to tell you something, let's go over there.I don't want him to hear.I nodded.We adjourned to one corner.She told me what doctor had told her and asked me to see this Ustaz to do something.She also told me that she spent all night crying.I was shocked.I left straight away.I have got to see this Ustaz.I ran downstairs to the car park. I get into my car...and I cried.I don't know why.

I went to see Ustaz.I told him exactly the message from my mother.The Ustaz looks so calm.The only thing that the Ustaz said is 'Tell your mother, not to worry.If godwill,he will be okay.But don't ever let them take anything from his backbone.'

I delivered the message and I went home.I don't talk to anyone in case that they will ask me about my brother.In my heart, I keep feeling that something will happen and it is not pleasant.

Cut the long story short, my father got so fed up with the hospital and transfer my brother to SJMC on Monday morning, the 5th.The Thaipusam day.I was pleased thinking that since I lived closer to SJMC, I can visit him whenever.So,on Monday midday, I drove back to Subang.I decided to call at SJMC first to see how everyone is doing.I went to my brother's ward and my mother and 2 sisters was there.I look at my brother and he looks very pale.I tried talking to him.No answer.My mother smiles and said to me, he asked after you since Saturday.Read him the yassin.I did.When I finished, my mother told me that this morning, the doctor in SJMC finally diagnosed him with Leukemia and he only have 4 days to live.I don't know what else to say.I asked my mother if it's okay if I go home for a bit to freshen up and will be back later.I also tell her that I'll leave my car in case my sisters need it.I asked one of my sisters to drop me off and come and pick me up later.In my own room, I cried and cried.I was too shy to cry in the presence of many people and somehow,in my own confine space,it feels very comfortable.After 10 minutes, my housemate knocked my door and said someone looking for me.It's my sister and I packed my bag again.This time,very strangely, I packed my baju kurung and tudung.She drive me back to SJMC and we didn't speak.We arrived in the hospital and got cornered by one of my eldest cousin.Pep talk.Like there's no other time.When the talk finished, we went to the elevator and bump into another cousin.His face look different.He told his brother (my eldest cousin) that he was asked to look for me and my sister.We asked him why.He was very hesitant to say anything.The elevator room opened.There was my father,crying and stopping us to go any further than that.While he was with my sister, I escaped and walked into the ward.I saw my mother looking at my brother while the hospital people 'rearranged' his position.One of my aunt said 'what are you doing here' and 'don't look' in flood of tears. I walked away.I was hugged by my crying cousins.I still don't have a clue.Then came my sister (another one,the one that stayed with my brother) She was crying too.She keep saying, it's only me and mother at that time.I asked,what..what you on about? She asked me back, you don't know? I, don't know what?? My sister, he's gone. It was only me and mother at that time.


****************************************************************

My brother, passed away on the 15th of Ramadhan, 1996.This morning, I woken up with tears on my face.Just like many years ago, there's a time where I suddenly thought of him and feel incredibly sad.Thinking of how he was claimed at that very young age.I can feel that he is visiting.I have his photo in my bedroom, his handsome looking IC photo that I enlarged and framed.Along with his belt that I kept.I used to wear his belt,but stopped as I fear of exhausting it.

I don't know how the others deal with their grief but for sure, we never talk about him in past tense.He is very much alive with us,just not visible.After his funeral, my father advised us not to talk about his condition (the all-of-a-sudden leukemia) as it might make us question Allah's fate. During one of his tahlil, I heard my mother told her best friend, 'When I was looking after him in the hospital, I prayed to Allah, this is my son, he is not well.If he meant to be with me, please cure him, Ya Allah...but if you love him more than I do, please take him with you'.And Allah did.He took my brother in his arms 10 years ago.My mother never knew that I heard that conversation and I, secretly admire her for that incredible strength.Losing child is enough to test someone's faith in anything.

There's still lots of anger and grief in me and I'm hoping to deal with it in my self search therapy.My brother is a fine young man who is too soft hearted to realised that he was ill treated by some man masked monsters. My nieces and nephew who never met him, address him as 'Uncle' everytime they visit his grave. One of my sister can never bring herself to go to his grave after the funeral. My brother in law (who dated and married my sister years after his death, cried everytime he visit his grave.

I still miss him dearly.Every Ramadhan.It is true when people say, during Ramadhan, the departed soul will visit the love ones.I believe that for the last 10 years, he have been visiting me. I wished him Happy Birthday on his birthdays and whenever I miss him, I look at his photo and tell him that I love him. When my father is unwell, I looked at him and told him, Abah's not well.He misses you.Please do something...pray for him. I think he did pray for him. My father is okay eventhough he is feeling his age.

My beautiful brother is in the safest place now.May he rest in peace. Al-Fatihah.

What Do You Think Of This ?

Whilst bloghopping today,I saw this and I gelak cam nak mampos until my office mate heran.(Nampak sangat la makan blind salary sebab blogging masa bekerja)

Well, I need that, the laughing nak mampos bit.Sebabnya, I was involved in a telling off session today.The 'telling off'er' was moir and the 'telling off'ee' was my asistant.Habis setengah jam I mem politely maki hamun dia. In the end. I just told him 'hey, no hard feelings, yeah...' I pon terpikir, kalaulah I kat KL, habis lepas ni aku dimandrem nya....matilaaa mulut berbuih.But, I have to keep reminding myself it is all for his personal development.

I really hope that supervision will do us both good.Why? My boss was 'harassing' me because apparently this gentleman is taking me for a ride.Bad punctuality,work backlog...not up to expectation bla..bla..bla..

We started our session with me listing out all the slack of which he vehemently denied.I asked him about the work that I asked him to manage,wahaiii..he said..ohh..I've done it here, there, everywhere...and I asked him to show it.Habuk pun tarak. I told him about the complaints made against him by his other colleagues, how his under performance affect them.Masa ni lah dia terdiam.Ye lah, bukti dah depan mata, nak kata apa lagi?

Okaylah..give him the benefit of the doubt,I asked him 'what's the problem here?' and he comes up with usual stuff, banyak kerja, always on the floor..ting tong ting tong..excuses excuses...kaya betul dengan excuses.I pulak, macam Amelie Mauresmo, bagi dia back hand serve over..Well, your time management is bad.You're the only one with 10 times smoking break in this project and if you can't finish your job on time, you only have yourself to blame...

At one point,as I can feel the despondency vibes from him, I guess I should stop before he reach that critical point.Well,some people does not take critisism well, even the constructive one.To those ego maniac, enough to make them homicidal.

On the positive note, I gave him the goals that he suppose to achieved in the next one month.Tengoklah camana.

Well, thank god tomorrow's Friday.

Doing my bit for SAM....

Go Samster, go!!!!
To all the readers (if any),join me in voting Samasam for his rat race in winning Bloggers Idol 2006 by clicking here.Meh picit.

Good luck, Sam.

And now is 'Cheaters'....and what next?

Kantoi Face

I can only say this, doing my kind of job, working from home or at home, is useless.For me it is.Because....

a) Kerja tak jalan. Why? Tengok TV.Tak tengok TV, tengok DVD.Tak tengok apa-apa kat peti talibesen tu,dengar musik lah pulak.In the end, tengok jantan lalu lalang depan rumah.

b) Makan tak henti-henti.Masak Maggie,makan Walkers Crisp (3 packet lak tu)Ada aje yang nak dibaham...

c) Main telephone.Guess who I called? Si benci tapi rindu lah!!

In the end, semuanya tak jalan.Kerja pun tak habis.The only thing that I finished is doing Lou's and Wendy's signing presentation.Oh ya, my flatmate and her colleague nak masuk sekolah balik,buat further education sign language diorang.So,kena hantar video presentation.So,macam pandai..I pon buatlah those presentation in DVD format.Dapat upah you.Nak tau apa them 2 bagi I? I dapat Nelly Furtado & Missy Elliot punya latest CD. Syok nya.

After watching Princess Nikki, I pon browse all the television channel and continue my sojourn-marathon tengok TV.Something that I can never do in Frankie's house.

Suddenly,after Sex & The City,in this channel called 'Zone Reality', punyalah banyaknya channel dalam Sky Channel, tak tahu pulak this channel wujud,came this program called 'Cheaters'.

Read along.In the distant future, should you one day decide to 'two time' your girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/husband, never, I repeat never, do it in the same area where you reside. Because believe me, after watching 'Cheaters' there'll be plenty tears before bedtime or worst, blue black natural eye shadow.I tell you!!!

Tah hapa motive the producer making such program.It's about spouse/partner catching their other half cheating on them red handed.Producer's motive aside, yang bangang nak mampos buat project dekat-dekat area rumah buat apa? nak main kayu 3, gilah main jauh-jauh.Like, kalau your gf/bf/hubby/wifey dok kat Twickenham, carilah mangsa affair kat Cambridge.Jauh berjalan,luas lah pengalaman and besarlah chance tak kena tangkap, ye tak?

Aduhaiiii...can you imagine the feeling of catching your hubby in your bed naked with another woman? You're obviously not at all impressed with your findings and what about the party yang ditangkap basah tu? First, dimalukan dikhalayak cameraman-cameraman,your own spouse for that matter and in the end, your illicit indiscretion will shown on the telly.Major kantoi.

Forget that.What about the fact that there's a people making a living doing this job.Looking out for all source of potentially illicit affair,contact the wife/hubby or the lover,make them aware of such affair had taken place and if they tak percaya,they're welcome to 'skodeng' their affair.Hah, hambik kau.

If words of pengaduan wasn't enough, ada pulak preview shots to convince the spouse/lover yang the other half they all tu main dengan orang lain. Yang tertipu ni apa lagi lah,hikut,jangan tak hikut pergi skodeng.

Bila yang di'skodeng' di tangkap red handed,mana yang Ratu Airmata will nangis lah.Why are you doing this to me..bla..bla..bla...Mana yang Ratu Kickboxing tu (you see, Sam?) apa lagi, bagilah se das, 2 das, 3 das..dusyummmm!!! The one that I'm watching now, main tumbuk you.Tak cukup husband dia ditumbuk, the woman he is having sexual intercourse with, dalam telanj-telanj bulat tu pun kena 'wachaaaaa'.

Bila in this situation, the program host will cut in, kononnya nak menenangkan yang tengah naik hantu ni. Tapi,to me,they're so insensitive.Perlukerr nak menangguk di air keruh tu lagi? Masa ni lah pulak nak start interview, 'Oh..Mr So and so, we have a proof that you've been cheating on your wife....'.Keep on firing questions demi question..and worse, needs feedback and thinks he's haloscan. The biggest Batu Api of all time.

But one thing, I salute the jantan that got kantoi on the spot. How they can maintain the toya face. Kalaulah I, tak tau lah cemana.Letupkan diri kot.

I've seen Tricia Goddard in the day,poking relentlessly on people's business as if it was hers and now, I'm watching 'Cheaters', watching all those poor man/woman being cuckolded by their partners.

What next? Entah lah. I've got to do something with my life. I hate to enjoy watching people's misery.But sometimes, things that is good and things that you certainly enjoy (gossips and this cheap thrills stuff) is something that literally, in reality not good at all.

But, people say don't take life too seriously. Asalkan tak kacau orang or kambing,buatlah apa-apa yang patut.

Selamat malam.(at at 11.39pm)

Some People,Eh...

I achieved quite a few things on my list that are now ready to be crossed out. Supervision session with my boss proved a success eventhough she made no promises about me getting an increement.However,the point is, I have asked and even one day if I decided to heret them into Employment Tribunal, there's evident that I have asked.

I decided to work from home today (ye lahhh...working from home) Sepagi 9.00 am, I ordered Liza to drive me to the nearest MAPLINS to get a proper fire-wire cable to transfer some video shots from my camcorder.Those was supposed to be done yesterday tapi memandangkan diriku yang samdol tersalah membeli cable last Monday,mahu tak mahu, terpaksalah keluar cari the right cable.

Well, I got it and I have been trying to copy the video into the DVD-R.Tak mahu-mahu jugak.Hati bertambah sakit dah ni.In between, I tengoklah daytime TV and masa nilah, all the channel, baik BBC,ITV,Channel 4 or 5 akan broadcast all those talk shaw where majority will 'menyibuk' masalah orang-orang yang 'gila publicity' kau UK ni.

So,while working from home lah kununnya,I took the opportunity to watch Trisha Goddard.For those that live out of UK, Trisha Goddard ni is ala-ala rancangan talk show Kak Nita gittew, but instead of mainly discussing what should be discussed i.e. matters that is allowable to be publicly discussed, Trisha Goddard cover all aspect of humanoids 'hal ehwal dalam kain,boxer shorts and everything yang sewaktu dengannya'.

There's this 3 siblings, 2 sisters and their brother,well,obviously their problem is already 'out-of-hand' and can't be internally resolve and that's why they have to get Trisha Goddard to poke her nose in, in the presence of others who was clearly, I guess, got nothing better to do and can spare all that time to become Trisha's studio audience.

Here are their problem. Apparently have something to do with where they're actually 'originated' from.Biologically speaking.Two sisters seems to think that the brother are not really theirs and likewise.The DNA issue between them proven to caused them losing sleep and in the end,with extra publicity,like dah takde cara lain lagi, contact lah si Trisha Goddard ni.All 3 of them seated in that big sofa,wallowing their self pity (ohhh..siapalah bapak ku yang sebenar...that kind of thing)

Tricia being Trisha, like any of us will suggest (alah, tak yah tanya Trisha pun,tanya Lee Novotny pon dia tahu nak buat apa) to have all their DNA tested.I assumed, they have agreed beforehand and todays show was about revealing what seems to be a million pounds question.

One by one the result read out to them.Poor mother sitting there watching shamelessly her children action that to me, blatantly unveiling her 'promiscuous' past.Perempuan tua you, adalah dalam 70's gittew.

In the end, all 3 came from the same source.Buang duit producer, paying for that meaningless DNA test,dragging the poor mom old past (macam lah si tua tu sleep around masa dia muda-muda dulu)and most stupidly, allow themselves to be discussed in the national TV, quite obviously suggesting that their mother is some kind of a 'manizer',if there's such word!!!

Pueh hati dah? Come next was this lady, apparently with a troubled teenage daughter with drinking problem.Habislah dibongkar kisah-kisah anak dia mabuk cam nak rak,persistent truancy,bla..bla..bla...By the way, Trisha Goddard punya format of problems presenting is like, her talking to the 'pembawa problem' and later make the 'pembawa problem' face their problem,so in this case, after that lady puas slagging off her daughther, Trisha Goddard will then go 'Ladies and Gentlemen, I present so..and so...' and the so call anak will do her walk of shame and will seat next to her mother.

Quite often,those who have to do the walk of shame a.k.a. The Problem Maker, will keluar dari bilik persembunyian sambil memaki hamun the 'Pembawa Problem'.That time, keluarlah the bit where the sound 'toot'..'toot' (carut lah tu) Mana boleh menyumpah before 9pm kat sini.

Dramatic sungguh.Yang mak kata anak ni, yang anak kata mak macam tu, and all that shown live on TV.Dasat ooo, anak omputih ni bercakap dengan mak bapak diorang.F this, F that...

Sometimes (most of the time really) Mak Bapak is 2 kali 5 dengan anak.In this case, Mak tak suka her daughter wayward ways but she herself heroin addict,tidur bersepah..

In the end,because banyak sangat 'toooooot', I switched the telly off.Kalau nak menyalak aje sampai habis program,baik takyah tengok.

That's what I did.I switched the whole damn program off.Baik baca blog Lee and his Brokeback Cambridge.Lagi best.

What Shall I Wear Tomorrow?

I 'kena paksa' to attend another training this morning, with such a short notice from my boss.Well, my boss rationale is, because of the thing with POVA people (Protection Of Vulnerable Adult) it will look good if we (the management yakni myself) equipped ourselves with as much training as possible, obviously for boosting credential reason. Because of the notice was so last minute, I showed up at the HQ wearing my usual gear, the informal wear. In the end, apart from another manager from South London project,it was only me who wears like wanting to go window shopping rather than facing up to these hard done by bosses and the course trainer. Bovverred!! Nahhh..

I quite like the training although I can swear that the course trainer is eyeing me up.Suka kat rambut aku kot? All the way through training,apart from discussing Paul McCartney and his estranged wife, how she wasn't at all entitled to his wealth (siapa kata Mat Salleh tak pandai mengata, hah?) the trainer, who was by the way a lady of maybe in her 50's tapi muka boleh tahan lah (thanks to plastic surgeon lah kot!) that repeatedly saying how she hated Heather Mills, how she brought disrepute to all women in the world bladi bla...she also made a point saying that she have a great respect for women..and she loves women..and she wish she was gay...pastu, pandang-pandang kat I lah pulak.I suspected that she was staring at my rainbow bangle (yg I beli from Brighton Pride) Kan ke giveaway clue tu? Well,making people wonder and guessing is a cheap thrill but worth doing. For some weird reason (speaking for myself) it gives you the feeling that how wonderful it is to enjoy the compliment (kalau ada) or the excitement being checked out by another woman. Hahahahah!!! (Gelak nervous)

For someone who is presenting the topic of Bereavement & Loss, this lady was a complete marble stone. I can only guessed that she experienced more 'death' than other normal people usually do. Well, how many people you know will die in such a short span? Considering that she is also working with the Hospice (where everyone is practically dying) and volunteering with the 'Samaritans' who if you can imagine, getting millions of calls on daily basis from those who actually want to kill themselves today.

The course trainer a.k.a. the Lady that wish she was gay, keep picking on me (maybe because I dok diam-diam) and keep asking how did I deal with my grief and loss. As if I want to share...but I did in the end and again, the whole boardroom attention was focused on me while I was rendering my 'Kisah Benar'.

I always knew that I'm dealing with 2 major losses in my life because I discussed it in my therapy and the fact that I'm still talking about it till today and that gives out the sign that I never actually move on. How sad.Suddenly, I was this open book to everyone in that training, as if like I trust them with anything where for the last 5 years, nobody in the organisation really know me. My incognito clothing was stripped before my conscious eyes. Ni semua angkara that Lady. And I still think that she fancies me.

I regret having to mistrust people but I have no choice because I am bad at reading them.Didn't work out too badly, in my case.

This is all I can afford to update today. I was back at my project at 3pm today and my colleague gave me this list of names of people who called and wanted me to return their call back. Liza was frantically looking for me because the Thames Water bill collector was chasing her after some unpaid bills for the property that we have moved out from years ago. And, I have another meeting to go to tomorrow at 12noon and i'll be staying late at work tonight, most possibly sleeping there.I still haven't figured out what to wear tomorrow. Appearances matter, of course. You want to look out-of-the-box and yet acceptable to a bunch of officials. Considering that all I wear are jeans and trainers and things that go with jeans and trainers, it might mean my initial investment in this meeting (to ask for some increement) shall include a visit to GAP. Wish me luck!

Melancholic Life...Again

Ni bukan Frankie, ni my anak buah yang datang visit last year

It’s been 3 days, plus today that I have not spoken to Frankie. Why? Okay, shall I start with the list of why? Number one, ridiculed me on that Wednesday night, when I’m at work and as always, mega stressed. Number two, by making the lack of enthusiasm on our supposed to be ‘honeymoon’ so obvious, that of course, hurt my feeling like sial. Number 3, no consideration for the things that I will need to endure by driving 200 miles to the west country. How can you be more ‘bastard’ than you already are?

It’s true when people say, when you dah stressed and start marah-marah, all the smallest thing yang menyakitkan hati but did not emerged on your daily basis punya argument, will rollover jadi besar like Euro Million. Ni tengah marah la ni. And in the end, I spent my weekend alone, eventhough, not literally alone.

Last 2 weeks, for once I thought we that we have ironed things out, like our current situation and living arrangement. Not perfect but at least, I thought that we both had managed to make the situation bearable. But, there’s this type of people who changed their mind like they changed their bin liner.I’m one of them.And so is Frankie.And by the end of our throat, I just got fed up and muttered ‘I’m so sick of you!!!’ and lepas tu, takde berbunyi-bunyi lagi. I returned home and feeling like shit. Liza and Lou tried very hard to cheer me up and I, finally find myself agreeing into jadik ‘Marjorie Dawes – Fight Fighters’ for Liza who is now berazam nak mengecikkan pinggang after membaham all the foods kat selagi ada warung kat Subang Jaya hatta Rojak Mamak Mobile Stall pun. So, I spent over an hour planning her menu planner and those thing to do/not to do, in terms of healthy eating. In the end, I told her, minggu depan kan kita start puasa, so baiklah kau berpuasa. Badan slim, pahala pun dapat.

Knowing Liza, don’t know if her azam will berjaya ke tidak. It’s all goes back to 5 years ago, nak stop smoking kononnya. Whenever we heard about people who masuk hospital sakit jantung, lung cancer or die because of the self inflicted disease (like merokok) masa tu lah she will come to her senses and will tell me, eh, aku kena berhentilah. 5 years on, macam tu la jugak. Even after Uncle’s (Liza’s Bapak) passing of heart attack, she will insaf for seketika, especially when thinking that both parents dah takde, tinggal kakak and her anak buah. And not long after that, tortured by the lack of oral gratification, she balik to ‘waiting to exhale’ balik. Shoop shoop shoop de woop back again.When I remind her about her azam, her defence mechanism ialah by being defensive and will tell me, kalau tuhan nak I mati, besok I mati...and I know this people, who hisap rokok more than me hidup sihat sampai sekarang yadda yadda yadda...What else could I say? So, because of that remark, I pun berazam jugak la not to stick my oar in her smoking business, unless if she is the one who brings up the subject to stop smoking.

Speaking of puasa, Frankie have always have problem with me doing that. Taknak aku menderita kononnya. Frankie knows that I have been fasting since I was five. Sebab I yang cakap dengan dia. Yelah, nak convince punya pasal. I said to Frankie, well, I’m 33 and still fasting, and alive. I secretly think that Frankie only made reservation about the ‘puasa malam’ bit. Ni semua angkara I lah, because I said that when we puasa, everything pun have to ‘puasa’ jugak. Maybe pasal tu lah dia tak suka kot. And I never make any attempt to elaborate further, like I can always conjugal cleanse morning after and resume puasa. Malaslah. Dosa dah le minimbun.

Because me and Frankie still not speaking to each other yet (tengok siapa yang surrender dulu) this is probably the good time for me to berpuasa tanpa gangguan. If not, susah jugak nak explain why Muslim have to fast. I dread this time every year. Yang mangkuk hayun tu macam tak paham-paham.Berapa kali nak explain, hah? I tried telling Frankie what I knew about why Muslim have to berpuasa, dari pada factual reason (as extracted from Quran) to a gula-gula reason my parents used to tell me when I kena suruh berlatih puasa. Frankie, being overly intelligent, will dispute any argument sampai aku tak kuasa lagi nak layan. Nak aje I suruh dia argue dgn Tok Guru Nik Aziz. Well, if you nak argue about agama, argue lah dengan the professional kaedahnya. My knowledge is only enough for me to sustain my faith and preaching kecil-kecilan.

Sometimes, I’m torn between my feelings and my heart that is also torn between 2 of them vice versa. (eh..confuse nya) I’m impossibly in love with Frankie and hating every bit of it. I’m trying very hard not to make the ‘agama’ the masalah utama. It’s hard to blame Frankie for not favouring Islam. How can you convince someone who’s good faith in anything have been marred by 7/7 bombing? How can you blame someone for feeling uncomfortable with Islam teachings, who has for the past 25 years, live happily in Finsbury Park only now to be told that the Hook Preacher is hating every ‘kaffir’ that walking on Finsbury Park soil? As if the kaffir is making the life hell out of them Muslims? Can you blame this people a.k.a. the good ‘kafir’ who langsung tak kacau orang?

You can’t, can you? The best thing is to just bersabar and hope for the better.

Songs For Every Ocassion

A Must Hear Bila..... When You Feel The Need To Be Neng Yatimah

a) Doin' Just Fine - Boyz II Men
b) Kasih Berubah - Ferhad
c) It's Too Late - Carole King
d) Water Runs Dry - Boyz II Men
e) How Could An Angel Break My Heart - Toni Braxton
f) Jauh Dirindu - Freedom
g) Diriku Terbelenggu - Fran

A Must Hear Bila...nak 'That one'...

a) I'll Make love To You - Boyz II Men
b) I Wanna Sex You Up - Color Me Bad
c) Rendezvouz - Craig David
d) Freak - Silk
e) Digging On You - TLC

A Must Hear Bila.... Hati Panas/Hati Tak Keruan

a) I Wish I Don't Miss You - Angie Stone
b) Willing To Forgive - Aretha Franklin
c) Body & Soul - Anita Baker
d) Fanatik - KRU
e) Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen

A Must Hear Bila....Terasa Diri Cam Penyanyi Karaoke Fofuler...

a) Selamanya - Sheila Majid
b) Love Will Lead You Back - Taylor Dane
c) Cinta Nan Satu - Kak Nita
e) Semakin Rindu Semakin Sayang - Uji Rocket

A Must Hear Bila....Berebut Boifren

a) The Boy Is Mine - Brandy & Monica
b) Jangan Rampas Pacarku - Taktahu Siapa

A Must Hear Bila....Warm Up Before Pergi Clubbing

a) Kylie Minogue Dancing Tunes
b) Return Of A Space Cowboy Remix - Jamiroquai
c) Creep - TLC
d) Ministry Of Sounds - Tahapa-hapa tah nama album title dia.
e) All That She Want - Ace Of Base

A Must Hear Bila....Bila Bangkit Dari Kejatuhan/Motivasi Diri

a) Can't Take That Away - Mariah Carey
b) Hati Ini Telah Dilukai - Kris Dayanti
c) They Don't Really Care About Us - Michael Jackson
d) Selamat Jalan Romeo - Kak Melah
e) I Want To Break Free - Queen
f) I Will Survive - Gloria Gaynor
g) No Scrub - TLC

A Must Hear Bila....Bila Diri Rasa Dichentai Amat-Amat

a) Glory Of Love - Peter Cetera
b) For You Babies - Simply Red
c) Mad,Sexy Cool - Babyface
d) All George Benson's Songs
e) If You're Not The One - Daniel Beddingfield (Tapi dah boring la pulak!)


A Must Hear Bila...Bila Terasa Macam Penari Maya Studio Pimpinan Jaafar Onn

a) Untukmu - Feminin (Jangan lupa pakai tracksuit & stokin belang-belang)
b) Kepastian & Pengertian - Apa nama group yang ada budak nama Baby Erin tu?
c) Rindu Dirimu Nanananana...-Feminin punya lagu ni...
d) Tragedi Buah Epal - Kak Nita
e) Ku Kembali - Azlina Aziz (sedap woo lagu ni)
d) Dancing Queen, Saturday Night Fever and all that lot

A Must Hear Bila...Kena Insomnia (mesti senang tidur lepas dengar ni)

a) All those penyanyi, yang takdelah popular mana, tapi amik gambar sambil mengangkang dalam magazine mangga

Post Pukul 3 Pagi

Lapang lah sikit mata...


Let me own up to this disgusting habit : for the past week, I have neglected to kemas my bedroom before coming to work. I’m like burung merpati (dipetik dari kata-kata my father) harapkan muka je cantik (alaa..ye ke, Abah?) tapi tempat diam kotor. Apalah nak jadi kau ni!!!

The thing is, our in house Health Officer, balik KL for 2 weeks, sorting out her harta pusaka, and I'm left with Lou, who is more or less like me, asalkan mata tak sakit or nafas tak semput dek bau busuk, janganlah sakit-sakit kepala nak mencalat-calat rumah bagai. Lagipun, I rather go to the gym. I need the exercise anyway.

So I thought, takpelah. Dah buat plan dengan Lou, bila Makcik Ketot tu dah dekat-dekat nak balik, barulah kami akan start mengemas rumah. Gitulah plan awalnya. Our house certainly have all the peripherals – scourer that 2 of a kind, one for toilet cleaning and one for dapur only, plenty kinds of cleaning materials dari mencuci lantai hinggalah ke mencuci diri (intimate wash uols..) bath sponge thingy, a kain buruk to lap-lap, an array of moisturizers for every part of your body, and like, three tubes of toothpaste, some of which has calcified into stone.

So on Thursday evening, I pun gatal-gatal tangan telefon lah si Makcik Ketot tu kat rumah dia kat Subang Jaya. Buat-buat tanya, eyy, kau dah confirm flight balik ke? Nak tau dia kata apa? Ooi, amik aku kat Heathrow besok kol 6pm, flight MH004.

Short notice tu. Lou pulak, since last Monday, agreed to babysit Amanda punya burung cinonit. Burung tu pulak sundal. Nak kata high class punya keturunan, tak lah jugak, tapi ada attitude. Like, tak boleh bising-bising, nanti dia stress (babi tul, dia cit cit cit cit macam kena rogol bergilir-gilir tu takpe pulak!) Burung ni pulak, lepas makan, suka ludah-ludah. Habis lantai wooden flooring kitorang. Siapa nanti yang kena bersihkan tu, aku jugak kan? Syaitan sungguh!!

I decided to put a stop to all this. Kekotoran rumah that is. Pagi semalam, after I had a good breakfast (Bran Flakes la..kan ke ada masalah susah nak cik yak sekarang) I pun start lah jadik Cinderella 2006, mencuci lantai bagai. Sambil menari-nari ria diiringi kombo RTM pimpinan Destiny Child (My hifi) Masa tu, terasalah diri ni macam penari Maya Studio lah pulak.Ye laa..kenalah ada motivasi sambil buat house chores ni…

I wore my cheeky monkey boxer and baju pagoda (yang I beli kat Seremban’s Giant) looking like ‘orang gaji’ glamour. Our flat is overlooking Redlees Park and jalanraya besar lagi sibuk, especially diwaktu pagi. There’s a traffic lights few yards away and we always have a good view of flashy-flashy cars yang berhenti kat lampu merah tu. As I was dusting my window ledge, a gagak driver put his head out of his window and flashed me that gatal smile. In my hati, kalau BMW 3 series, takpelah, ni bawak Ford Fiesta lama pastu, music dia macam la dia sorang aje kat London ni yang ada massive loudspeaker camtu. Tak kuasa aku. I keep on. Tengoklah Pak Hitam oii, takde nya luak peha I yang sexy ni kat you.After 10 minutes camtu, at the next red lights, another two in lorry Argos Delivery checked me out. Dahle tu bang, hantar jelah barang yang orang order tu. As I climbed up the chair to clean the top bit of the window, a guy seated on the back seat of the top deck 267 bus waiting for the lights to change winked appreciatively, and probably looked up my short (thankfully, I wore nice undies). And just before I finished with both windows, men in a passing lorry made that annoying gesture, fondling his steering and smile like a convicted paedophile.

The hidden fact. The men that I caught ogling me, semuanya kalau tak bawak lorry Argos, is either naik kereta yang kurengs or naik bus. I felt like being sexually harrased from afar. Suddenly, I mind the ‘undressing me with his eyes’ look from them that don’t have flashy cars. I wonder kalau lah yang meng ogle tu Abang-abang Rugby 5 nation, will I still feel harassed ?

I hate to think that this is women common psychology. Bila orang yang ogle kita tu, bangsa yang kita tak berkenan, mulalah kita terasa macam kehormatan diri ni dicerobohi (walaupun tak jadi apa pun sebenarnya) Tapi bila people like Jude Law ke, Usher ke yang memandang or mengusyar-usyar, kita relakan saja kan?

Teringat pulak adegan-adegan Lee kat sawana-sawana tu, bila yang gedebab or yang tak hensem or yang ala cushion-cushion nak merasa, dia buat tepis-tepis lah pulak.Teruk kan kita ni.

Anyway, rumah sempatlah dibersihkan sebelum Liza balik. Because her flight touched down pukul 6pm, I dengan Lou takdelah rushing nak keluar rumah. Ye lah, rumah dgn airport dalam 10 minutes aje. So, traffic campur dengan dungu-dungu atas jalan yang bawak keta slow-slow pastu salah buat turn pasal kena misnavigate dengan satellite navigator diorang, sampailah kami kat Terminal 3 dalam pukul 6.40pm camtu. Malas nak bayar parking, I suggested Lou carik Liza kat arrival hall. Tak jumpa. So, kami pun park lah kereta dan decided untuk tunggu dia depan meeting place tu. Lama jugak nak tunggu dia keluar, considering kapalterbang dah landed pukul 6pm, tapi pukul 7 tak kuar lagi. Last-last, 7.30pm, ternampak lah si Ketot tu. Bila tanya, apsal kau lambat…she said now ni, Immigration ada ruling baru, international visitor ada pulak kena masuk satu bilik, buat medical check up dulu before dibagi masuk London.

Hish..makin kuat pulak hati ni nak tukar ke British Passport tahun depan.

BTW, I tukar my page template. Ni lah padahnya bila makan terlampau banyak (Liza bawak balik rendang) and sekarang mata macam spotlight lah pulak.

Post Weekend Blues

MONICA MUSYKIL

TGIF.I love Fridays. Mainly it is because that I’m off work, literally off work and terlepas dari tanggungjawab menjadi ‘on call’. I will be in a totally separate world from my usual one and will enter another world where I will have to find reason for every single thing. This is my chosen path. Will I rot in my rut? Quite possibly.

I hated it when ITV has now stopped producing ‘Bad Girls’. In it presumably last episode last night, they don’t bother showing my luscious Pat Kerrigan on air. The usual as usual being manipulated by someone that, not fairly academically intelligent but have the fortune of having to watch wider television screen from the inmates (pening aku dek my own metaphor, kenapalah tak cakap aje, okay, orang ni pandai lebih sikit aje dari all that banduens because obviously,banduens punya movement kan limited, so tak banyak lah benda/anasir-anasir luar yang boleh diobserved) Like us lah, banyak berjalan, banyak membaca, banyak bercampur equals to banyaklah pengetahuans.

Cakap pasal pengetahuans, lately ni, I have started to expand my web horizons by bloghopping. I come across so many beautiful souls that write beautifully. A must read has always been Peragawati & Lee. So were the sexy lot (Leez,Imah Lenggok) when I need to get in touch with my sexual side. These unpretentious lots can crack you up just like that. Well, works for me. Ada jugak yang ‘macam bagus’.The sort of people who worship their own ground, trying very hard to make up impression and gradually losing sight of their original self. And I also come across some who labelled himself ‘Metrosexual’. Well, you are either this or that. I don’t believe such thing exists. Okay, it is common that man can sometimes over indulge themselves into ‘looking good’. Apa salahnya. And it is all for yourself. Sexual orientation hanya ada 3. You suka prempuan, suka lelaki or suka both. Metrosexual? A term for man who has a strong aesthetic sense and spends a great amount of time and money on his appearance and lifestyle. Kalau macam tu, my father pon ‘Metrosexual’ lah agaknya, pasal my father kalau berhias, kalah my mother. In my opinion (maaflah kalau meng offend orang lain) people who hides behind this label is those who are currently playing hide and seek in the closet. Tapi, asalkan mereka bahagia. Yang tak syoknya, ada pulak Enforcement Officer yang bloghopping especially kat ‘Erotic Nature’ channel and pastu ‘menganonymouskan’ diri and comment ‘Oh ingatlah Allah, bagai. Terima Kasih for the peringatan, but what the hell are you doing in there in the first place?’ What made you think that they ‘tak ingat Allah’?. Pergilah masuk blog Raihan ke, Al Qaida ke, Jemaah Islamiyah ke…

And I continue to read a little bit of this that. I need to laugh because I don’t get to laugh (very much) everyday at work. Every Monday, I will put on my this protection shield that is a must-to-wear for work, and that is muka tebal, hati tebal and last but not least, tahap kesabaran yang lebih tinggi dari the tallest building in the world (apa hah, sah le kena start membaca ni)

Selalunya, this protective clothing will start wearing on Thursdays, because Thursdays is the last day I see them and they know this.It is very hard and difficult to put on a calm front when every single good emotions are thinning and all you want to do is to say goodbye nicely, because they need to remember you as this nice person till they see you next. I think (because I takde anak) this is just like saying goodbye to your kids before you go to work or something where you need to leave them for a certain period. They will remember you best if you kiss them goodbye and promised them Kit Kat, but if you muttered ‘Siap kau, nanti Mak balik, Mak kerja kan kau’ and the obvious is the kid will spend his/her days thinking ‘I hope you never return’.

My partner have been asking me to leave this all behind. Apparently, the whole things has messed me up. I wasn’t this cheerful person anymore. It wasn’t the job, it was me, dalam hati I berkata bila dia komplen. Macam mana nak cheerful kalau hari-hari kena wind up, kalau dengan orang lain takpelah jugak, ni dengan si chenta hati. Emmm…that’s is something to look at deeply. I wasn’t happy at all in this relationship. The power struggle bit. We are both very dominant person who wants ‘this to be like this’ and sadly this combination is killing the loving feeling we have.

Masa nilah nak layan lagu Dionne Warwick…...I got to say it and it's hard for me
You got me cryin' like I thought I would never be
Love is believin' but you let me down how can I love you when you ain't around
And I ..... (imaginelah hidung dia yang kembang kempis tu)

Get to the morning and you never call love should be everything or not at all
And it don't matter what ever you do I made a life out of lovin' you

Only to find any dream that I follow is dying
I'm cryin' in the rain
I could be searchin' my world for a love everlasting
Feeling no pain, when will we meet again …

Ok..silalah habiskan lagu ini dan menangis lah…bagus tau untuk kesihatan diri.

Pop Quiz...Welcome All

1) Siapakah nama suami pertama Fauziah Latiff dan dari negeri manakah dia berasal?

a) Ramli Ngah Talib – Perak
b) Syed Budriz – Perlis
c) Datuk Railey Jeffry – Sabah
d) Azwan Ali – Selangor


2) Kumpulan Rock yang popular di Era 90’an yang menampilkan Joey sebagai penyanyi utamanya, dikenali sebagai

a) Bumiputera Commerce
b) Bumi Hiway Construction
c) Syarikat Pembersihan Bumi Hijau
d) Bumiputera Rockers


3) Siapakah penyanyi yang didakwa di Mahkamah atas tuduhan melayangkan email fitnah terhadap Datin Siti Nurhaliza ?

a) Sharifah Ani
b) Sherry Merlis
c) Mama Juwie
d) Sherita Aziz

4) Kumpulan Rock yang berasal dari Negeri Sembilan, Medicine amat terkenal dengan lagu hits mereka ‘Tika Dan Saat Ini. Selain dari ‘Tika Dan Saat Ini’, mereka juga popular dengan lagu

a) Rimba Rambutku
b) Rimba Bawahku
c) Rimba Cinta Ku
d) Rimba Tika Massala

5) Sila habiskan rangkap lagu popular Uji Rashid ini, ‘Wahai Kekasih, tidakkah kau tahu...

a) Ku Ingin Mengajakmu Mengikutku Mengutip Hutang Kain
b) Ku Ingin Selalu Disamping Mu
c) Ku Takde Duit Untuk Belanjamu Makan Mertabak Ayam
d) Ku Sakit Gigi

6) Edry Halim dari Kumpulan Trio Terkemuka Malaysia KRU, pernah menggemparkan masyarakat berikutan isu gambar lucah super impose bersama bekas teman wanitanya.Siapakah gadis malang itu?

a) Linda Onn
b) Linda Rafar
c) Linda Rasul
d) Linda Pok Pek

7) Siapakah pasangan artis popular yang pernah ditangkap berkhalwat dibulan puasa suatu ketika dahulu?

a) Siti Nurhaliza & Datuk K
b) Paula Abdul & Simon Cowell
c) Amitabh Bachan & Parveen Babi
d) Jatt & Sharifah Sharifah

8) Nurazlina Amir Syarifuddin yang asalnya pekerja Kilang di bandar Nilai Negeri Sembilan, cukup terkenal dengan menerusi lagu-lagu berirama dangdut suatu ketika dahulu.Beliau juga dikenali sebagai

a) Amelina Ah..Ah..
b) Amelia Wah..Wah..
c) Amelina Kah..Kah..
d) Amelina Miau..Miau

9) Suami ke 3 Diva Anita Sarawak dikenali umum sebagai

a) Abang Leman
b) Abang Mahathir
c) Abang Kasitah Gadam
d) Avang Novotny

10) Gossip kencang mengatakan Maya Karin

a) Ialah seorang yang baik hati
b) Bermata juling
c) Terkena buatan orang
d) Berketiak hangit

11) Siapakah nama gadis yang menjadi ilham kepada Kumpulan Alleycats ketika menyanyikan lagu ‘Jangan Telefon Lagi’?

a) Leha
b) Ramlah
c) Joyah
d) Amy Lela Chandran

12) Aznil Haji Nawawi, sering menafikan sekeras-kerasnya yang dia meniru imej seorang pengacara popular dari kotaraya Singa. Siapakah pengacara popular yang dimaksudkannya itu?

a) Azwan Ali
b) Datuk K
c) Najip Ali
d) Lebai Haji Karim

13) Peragawati Top Terlampau Malaysia, baru-baru ini dalam temubualnya dengan MTV Ngetop Banget, mengakui yang lelaki pilihannya mestilah

a) Berambut Tegak-Tegak
b) Berperut Boroi
c) Berkuku Panjang
d) Bergigi Kuning

14) Cinta siapakah yang dihalang oleh Chef Wan ?

a) Cinta antara anak ketua kampung Bongek dengan orang gaji Indon nya
b) Cinta antara Serina & Aruah Hani Mohsin
c) Cinta antara Tom Cruise dengan Katie Holmes
d) Cinta antara Sultan Selangor & Kavita Kaur

15) Siapakah nama sebenar SAMASAM?

a) Anteng
b) Debab
c) Syamsul Zahri
d) Pavel Novotny


Sila sertakan jawapan anda didalam ruangan ‘comment’. Contoh, No.1e,No.2b gittew. Pemenang –pemenang pop kuiz akan diumumkan setibanya penganjur dari Cornwall, hari Isnin ini. Hadiah berupa pakej percutian 7 hari 6 malam di Twickenham, dimana tambang kapalterbang,bas,minyak kereta haruslah ditanggung sendiri oleh pemenang dan anda berpeluang duduk percuma di pangsapuri separa mewah penganjur.

Selamat Mencoba. Jangannnnnn..Cobaaaaa... Merayu Lagi...

(Soheh sangatlah kepalaku dah bengong ni)

Sex,Lies & Videotape

Cam tu lah bunyinya.Kisah benar ni.I'm working closely with a patient with OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder).Okaylah,obses terlebih-lebih.Takpe lagi tu.Kalau obses dengan cleanliness,takpelah jugak.Harus berkilat calat-calat rumah.Tapi ni SEX obsessive.Paling menyayat hati (hati aku laa..) minah ni penipu besar.Compulsive Liar gitu.So, that's represent LIES.

My experience dengan minah ni, dalam 10 patah perkataan yg keluar dari mulutnya, 12 is most definitely a made up lies.Tengok tu, betapa tinggi tahap keseriusan tabiat menipunya ittew. Kadang-kadang terfikir jugak I adakah dia ni menipu pasal menipu itu hobby nya or she is reliving the fantasy life.Life that she is orchestrating in her own mind.

Besok, I have to drive up to the West Country (nama lain for area-area bawah nun..i.e. Devon,Cornwall etc) to submit my clinical papers. In theory, memanglah namanya papers, tapi in my case,sebab patient ni ada Mild Learning Disability,memang complex sikitlah nak present everything on paper.So,for my today's session with her, I had to VIDEOTAPE that session for my supervisor to observe my session (if you know what I mean)

Honestly,I found the whole thing (40 minutes of filming that session) macam narrating cerita Erotica D'amor aje (macam lah ade cerita tu) Pasalnya,

a) The patient tak habis-habis bercerita tentang sexual fantasy nya
b) The patient goes into details about her intercourse session
c) The patient elaborate her knowledge and her penchant of man's genital

All of that above,berulang-ulang.Dalam hati I, bagus lagi baca Lee Novotny's punya sexcapades.Dengar cerita Minah ni, macamlah takde benda lain yang boleh dipikirnya.Ahakkss..no judgement allowed.Sobar yo lah.

I have never heard anyone talking about sex in that manner.Insanely obsessive.Boleh gelak-gelak lak tu.Because of people like this, there goes all the beauty of sex.Alamak, judgemental lagi ni...

Honestly, I pitied her.Her misfortune overuled what should be a feeling she should adore.Sex is as equally important as food.She should be able to enjoy the beauty of life.But she can't.

Reality is, she may fancy loads of men but no men she fancy would fancy to shag her back.She's incapable to access to the most normal way to have sexual intercourse,getting a boyfriend that is.No man, no one to have sex with and it will come to a time where Anne Summers gadgets will get exhausted.Minah ni dildo collections dia makin hari makin banyak.Semuanya well endowed tu.

The worst part of this scenario is that, I'm not train as a sex therapist.Macam mana ni?

Hello Prakash...

Liza's Mini Is Ready For Collection Toady, Thanks to Abg.Mutusamy

Semenjak dua tiga menjak ni, selalu pulak terserempak dengan dengan familiar faces. Oops, jangan salah paham, bukannya familiar faces yang famous, although baru-baru ni I dengan Lou terserempak dengan Michael Underwood (Celebrity Host From CBBC Channel)yang apparently tinggal around apartment kitorang.

What I mean by familiar faces is, over a year ago, I terserempak dengan one lady yang ada iras-iras my ex schoolmate, Norisyaliza Saludin yang dah meninggal tahun 1991 (Al-Fatihah to Nori) . Tak lama pastu, dalam tube, I terpandang this guy yang ada iras-iras my late brother. Nak menitik air mata I tapi sebab tak nak pulak draw attention dalam tube tu, I pendamkan aje. Last week pulak, masa dalam gym, I terpandang pulak kearah Mamat hensem ni that remind me of my first crush. Either dia masih hidup or dah tak ada, tak tahulah.Tapi yang nyata,adalah suatu waktu dahulu yang I angau macam nak gila kat dia.Tapi dia tatau.Takpelah.

In my previous post (bersamaan dengan hari I hampir diterjah oleh lorry cargo kat Great West Road tu) I ada cerita pasal my encounter dengan Abang Mutusamy (bukan nama sebenar and also Mini Cooper punya service engineer). Lupalak nak tulis/bagitau yang Abg Mutusamy actually look like my ex colleague masa kerja kat Hotel Armada dulu. Namanya Prakash and Prakash ni was the Banquet Manager yang selalu menjadi mangsa kekejaman F&B Manager masa tu.Masa I tengah buat apprenticeship untuk jadik Management Trainee, Prakash ni lah yang selalu tolong I.Tolong sort out my functions,tolong kowtim-kowtim hal-hal underground and macam-macamlah, thanks to his expertise.Kadang-kadang, bila dah lewat dah perut berkeroncong, Prakash selalu lah 'menyonglap' food-food function yang tak habis untuk jadik bahan lantakan I dengan Sales-Sales person yang lain. I will always remember him as this Indian guy who speaks fluent Malay.Bila I balik KL, I will make a point to visit the Hotel and kalau ada rezeki, terserempaklah dengan Prakash Si Teddy Bear ini.Prakash look happier than before.Maybe pasal that bloody F&B Manager yang selalu bully dia dah berambus.When I saw him last (June this year, in one of my short visit to KL to visit my unwell father) Prakash commented that I 'shrinked'.'Hoi..kurus lah kau sekarang.Apasal?' and I jawab, ye lah, sekarang makan kena bayar, dulu aku sign aje. (Well,when I was working there, banyak sungguh perks, makan free, laundry free, parking free, entertainment free, segala free) Prakash laughed...Oooooh, sekarang kau makan kena bayar ye? We sat down and high tea'd together.He signed that meal for me on his 'Officers Check'.That was our last.

Pagi tadi, masa kat office, lebih kurang pukul 2 petang time London,I got a text from my ex boss.Prakash passed away today from an apparent heart attack.And I was like, good god, he was only young.

I picked up Liza's car from the BMWMini centre today and Abang Mutusamy (Prakash) is nowhere to be seen.Suddenly all this news about young people that died of heart attack started floating.Hani Mohsin.Khabarnya, family member Imah Lenggok pun meninggal sakit jantung.

My thoughts are with Prakash's family at this terrible time and I believe, this is a huge loss to Hotel Armada and to all his love ones,friends and work colleague.

To my love ones, Liza & Lou, berhentilah hisap rokok.

Ops Lalang...

I tak takut you...

Kadang-kadang, the situation that we are in tak adil. Especially bab kerja. I read Samasam blog yesterday and insaf about banyak perkara yang orang Malaysia terpaksa hadapi. Orang-orang Malaysia tu termasuklah kengkawan dan adik beradik I.

Terkejut babi hutan jugak bila terbaca yang harga petrol dan tol dah naik mencanak-canak. Nak pergi Kuantan sampai $200.00 ?? Boleh bankruptdy tu (kalau $200.00 tu Sam, bukan bankcruptcy lagi dah...)

When I balik KL recently, terasa jugak duit cepat mengalir macam air kencing. Hehehe..macam lah takde example lain. Kesian orang Malaysia yang gaji tak banyak mana, tapi debit lebih dari credit. Bank kat Malaysia, walaupun ada macam-macam Islamic Banking bagai, tapi cara buat business, takdenya yang Islamic. Bila credit card terlambat bayar, yelah..kadang-kadang, ada benda lain yang kena didulukan like susu anak, bank dah charge interest cam nak mampus. Ada jugak hasrat nak tanya bank manager tu yang, kalau dah basic payment pun semput nak bayar, what made they think we have enough to fork out for the interest?

Persatuan Pengguna (kalau lah this society masih ada) takde pulak action plan nak tolong pengguna-pengguna kat Malaysia tu.

I would love to share my banking experience dengan bank kaffir kat sini...(saja guna word kaffir tu, supaya the Islamic Banking bosses can have a good look)

I banked with Barclays yang boss-boss besarnya adalah Yahudi. Tertanya-tanya jugak apa punca sebenarnya orang tak suka benar dengan orang Yahudi ni. Okaylah..janganlah nak disamakan orang regime Zionis tu dengan orang Yahudi yang lain. Macam, janganlah samakan Muslim yang macam I ni dengan September 11 punya terrorist. If only the society can digress their way of thinking.Like, kalau anak jahat, bukanlah salah mak bapak tapi mangsa keadaan or not.Ada pulak baru-baru ni, I dengar orang Malaysia buat petition suruh boycott Coca Cola dengan Starbucks pasal this 2 brands,Yahudi yang punya.Apa kena mengena business dengan ideology? Habis, orang Malaysia yg makan gaji kerja Starbucks & Kilang Coca Cola tu nak disuruh buat apa? Melacorrr?

Ada sekali, I pergi travelling and did not manage to return before my credit card payment due date. Well, the bank did charged me late payment fee. What I did was, I called and explained my circumstances and I got my my penalty lifted.

Ada sekali pulak tu, I transfer my wages to my second bank (saja...nak dapat free gift), and my first bank contacted me and asked if I am okay. They said, they wondered why there’s no transaction in my account this month. Siap tanya everything okay ke...like if I lose my job or anything...concern gila tu.

My office mate was signed off work due to clinical depression. 6 bulan dia tak boleh kerja. Dia ni lagi banyak tanggungan, dengan mortgage personal loan lah bagai...and you know what his bank did, call him and invite him to come for a meeting. When they meet, they discuss how best the bank can support him, ambik repayment holiday and work out the best way for him to bayar his hutang without membebankan dia or merugikan bank. Macam tu buat bisness, jaga customer. Nak buat jahat dengan bank kat sini pon pikir 2 kali pasal bank-bank nya baik belaka.

Masa I dok kat KL, I landed myself into a huge loop by loaning my best mate my MBF credit card. My friend tengah terdesak gila, and I dengan mulia hati offer untuk tolong. So what we worked out that my friend ni boleh bayar my credit card ansuran lah bulan-bulan. All went well until satu hari my mother dapat lah surat saman from MBF ni. Orang tua tu terperanjat lah. Orang MBF ni takde assalamualaikum bagai terus threaten my mother nak bawak I naik court lah..apa lah..habis ditakutkan orang tua tu. This happened 2 years ago...and bila check-check, I rupanya dah berhutang 25,000 dengan MBF. Macam mana accountant MBF can reached that figure, tuhan sajalah yang tahu.

I terpaksa panggil my best mate (yang pinjam my card tu) menyiasat. My friend tu dah langsai bayar hutangnya on my card 3 years before. Bila bayar slow-slow, interest naik lah kan.Yang celaka-babi-sial nya, interest tak pulak ditunjukkan depan-depan and my freind ni confident dia dah bayar habis. Tak sangka, ada 200 lebih in interest terselit and dia ni tak perasan. $200 lebih ni bila dah 3 tahun, jadik $25,000.00 and MBF boleh duduk diam-diam tak nak notify I and let the interest run.

I kesian my mother and my friend ni. Puas dia mintak maaf dengan my mother and pastu depressed sorang-sorang mengenangkan cemana nak bayar I. Sampai dia sakit-sakit. Kesudahannya, I hantar my sister pergi menghadap bank. My sister cerita dengan I yang bank staff punyalah bongkak and pandang dia macam kuch-kuch kurap he aje (kucing kurap lah tu) My sister yang sorang ni pandai bercakap sikit so dia pon ayatlah staff kat MBF tu and mintak buat solution. MBF tak nak back down tapi kesudahnya offered us $10,000, bayar $5000 lumpsum and the rest bayar bulan-bulan. Okaylah...terpaksalah setuju takut kena blacklist. After 6 month, selepas menahan diri dari lapar dahaga tak gi clubbing, I managed to save up some money to pay it all and suruh my sister approach MBF untuk tanya how much is left kalau nak bayar habis. Nak tau apa MBF kata? Tak boleh...ikut je jadual bayar 500 per month for 24 bulan. I malas nak pikir lagi dah....

Okay, ni bukan nak menghasut. Orang Malaysia tak boleh terus-terusan kena repressed macam tu. Bangkitlah. Bank can’t survive without all of you.It is about time they learn that they will not be standing tall because of their customers and they have got to do something about it.

Tol & Minyak mahal ? Yang jumpa kat perairan Trengganu and Miri tu apa? Minyak masak ke? The Malaysian have control over the government because they choose them. Kalau government tak boleh tolong, cari government lain. Goverment should subsidise the roadworks because it is a service to the nation. Improve public transport supaya Malaysian can travel to work without hassle or risk paying high cost of road works or petrol.

Malaysian must now starts speaking out and loud. Jangan takut-takut mereport salahguna kuasa, macam abang-abang polis trafic mintak ‘sorru’ bila kita terlupa bawak lesen. Jangan takut kat Makcik-makcik garang yang kerja kat Jabatan Pendaftaran or Immigration. Makcik tu pon makan gaji. Jangan takut kat orang kerja kerajaan pasal they are no better than you, hanya ada pencen bulan-bulan je.

Ish..ada unsur hasutan pulak lah post I kali ni. Matilah aku nanti Malaysian Citizenship kena tarik.

Effective Communication

This Is Very Suitable

All of us at work was summoned to attend the training provided by the Training Department People at Head Office today.Kalau tak pasal project I takde problem, harus ku ignore aje inter office memo yang indirectly memaksa kitorang attend training ni.

Kami kat office, masih lagi under scrutiny. Hal 'inappropriate' technique of delivering service masih belum reda so,boss I tiap-tiap minggu hantar email tanya about my weekly action plan.Macam le kerja aku ni menjaga anak kambing Nani.

I don't usually work Fridays.Hari Jumaat lah yang dah di'spare'kan untuk study and mengumpul clinical hours I. Tapi, bila dah kerja full time dengan orang ni, sometimes loyalty takleh kena divide, nak-nak bila tengah crisis.So, mahu tak mahu, I pon kenalah call in sick kat my college supervisor, kata I takleh datang for my clinical session. I ni, memang sungguh cekap menipu dalam telepon.Yelah..orang tak nampak muka kita masa tengah mengarang cerita-cerita airmata pelesu tu.Mati kalau kena karang cerita pelesu depan muka orang.I ni bangsa tak pass tipu depan-depan.It will show all over my face, you.

Tajuk training untuk hari ni ialah 'Effective Communication'.Whatever that mean.I like the trainer.Dalam hati,kalau le Kak Prag ada dalam training room tu, misti dia syok.This guy is openly gay man in the Training Department,muka pun boley tahan and most importantly, boroi.Not ugly boroi but pleasantly boroi.Takpelah..bukan rezeki Kak Prag.

I can understand why this training is provided for us.Mainly to enlighten the effective way to communicate and to emphasis the politically correct way to communicate with the one with disability.It's like to teach parents not to call their kids 'bodoh' but to replace it with 'Oh anakku ini kurang bijak'.

Point taken.It's all nice written down and voguely presented in the handouts but I doubt that it can be materialised in the real world of disability...if you know what I mean.

Okay.Case study number one. I have a client who is diagnosed with Paranoid Schizophrenic.Have been institutionalised for years and only been released back into community 3 years ago, but with 24 hours support.The problems...he sometimes hears 'voices' that urged him to stay longer in bed and during the reign of the voices in his head,he managed to make himself look like an ape and smells like a dead rat.

Listen to this.Because of this lapse, he is now mentally unstable and physically ill. As his care coordinator, it is your duty of care to get help even if he refused. You spent hours talking him out of his bed. He ignores you through and through. Fine.

One day, he approached you.He tells you that he wants to go out and get something from the shop and wants you to help.Okay, you think and you said.That's not a problem.But knowing very well that he would attract massive attention from the way he looks (planet of the apes, from his unshaven beard) and smells (astaghfirullahalazim)
you think that he should first do something about his appearance.Agree? No, he didn't think so.Being his aid, you know very well how he will feel in his schizoid mind when people starts staring and stepping away.You can see more problems coming.He is still adamant about not cleaning himself.

This is what I normally do.I will say, alright.You're not getting my help unless you have your personal care first.If you do that, then I will help you.Sounds fair?

Emm...I used to think so.And today, in the 'Effective Communication' training, we were told that you can't do that.We were also told that by saying that (making him clean himself first or we are not going out) is disempowering his rights.

Do you still wonder why the crime rate is still riding high in this country? Because the criminals have rights to do what they want and you can't say anything about it. The nasty school kids can swear at the bus driver and the driver in return, can't ask them to leave the bus eventhough the school kids is deliriously abusing the other passenger with their antics.

Will it be possible to communicate effectively with those who is blissfully destructive? In the end,disrespectful and unruly behaviour is allowed. What we should all do, according to the 'smart ass' people who reckoned that we should communicate effectively is to keep 'communicate effectively'.

Try another example, your 10 years old son told you to shut up, after you caught him stealing or bullying his little brother.And you said 'Don't tell me to shut up'. By saying that to him, you're now officially depriving his right to speak up.What they expect you to say is 'Oh..I understand that you're upset Darling, but we have to talk'.

Is this a loads of bullshit and I'm simply resenting the new knowledge of communication?

Nature Calls

Different Jantan...


I was asked to do assessment for a potential new client today. So, pepagi buta I dah naik South West Train to Frimley and made my way to the local PCT (Primary Care Trust) and adjourned to their Mental Health Unit. I was given this referral by my supervisor over the phone late last night. He is a young man with Bipolar Manic Depression and in addition, ada pulak ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder)

I was dead anxious with ADHD cases, particularly if the patient is young, speaking between 18 to 25. Reason being, this is when they're at their 'peak' of their 'hyperactivity'. Having psychotic disorder didn't help at all. I'm desperate to clock up my clinical hours so, I will have any case coming, flying, landing in my way.

So, Frimley and 21 years old young man with what stated above, here I come. Mukadimah nya, camni...I have to past 2 secured wooden door and talked to 2 intercom, having to coached 2 different person to pronounce my name. Nama melayu lah kata kan. Takpe, sabar aje lah..punyalah ramainya Filipino nurses, smiling at me thinking I'm one of them.Well,I am indeed, kalau kira ethnicity la...bukankah saya ni East Asian?

I met the Head Nurse who is also Mamat ADHD ni punya keyworker (the term they called someone who work closely with each patient) So, this nurse startlah bagi I briefing about this young man. I should refer his as JANTAN lah ye..tak boleh bagitau nama, breaking confidentiality tu. The Nurse also mentioned 'Oh..this is very coincident'. I asked back 'What? What is the coincident?' The Nurse then said 'Oh...JANTAN is also Indonesian'. I was like 'What...?' The Nurse tu pun macam terperanjat 'Oh, I thought you're from Indonesia'. I smiled back, and tell him that he is half right because I'm indeed half Indonesian. My mother is from Sumatera you all...

Yes, kawan-kawan.JANTAN ini is half Irish (alamak) and half Indonesian. Irish father and mother that came from Jakarta. The Nurse walked me to the meeting room where JANTAN is waiting. I try to build up expectation but I can't, even knowing that he is like me, only my father is from Malaysia.So in the end, seconds before been introduced to him, I am expectationless.

So,we were introduced. He gave me this really weird look. I immediately thought it was my hair that he felt weird about (ye larr..kan tersalah colour ari tu) and then he immediately smile but not for long. He is not that bad looking, he look more Irish than Asian, green eyes, black hair.I still can see his Asian bits though,long face, deep eyed and slighty tanned skin. Tak cekelat, tak putih..

This over eager Nurse terus cakap kat JANTAN, she is half Indonesian too. Motif? Nggak tau dong. I then began the first process, take his details and ask him sets of questions.His reaction was like, okay, asked away.I felt bad at that instant.It feels like I rushed him.

We began talking. He doesn't look interested. I picked up on that.I told him that I can stop now if he feels uncomfortable and he was 'Well, you go ahead, it's your job, innit?' I replied 'It seems that you're so used being in this situation' and he went 'Yeah, I saw loads of people like you', and I still feel like crap. I noticed that he starts getting agitated. He taps his thighs with his hands and starts drumming on it. He laughed and starts standing up. He walked across the room and sit back where he was seated. And he starts drumming the table.

He was struggling to concerntrate. I can understand that. He got ADHD. I'm also aware of his challenging behaviour.After 5 minutes of exchanging glances and smiles at each other, he broke the silence and ask 'Ask me anything in Indonesian language.I am good at it you know'. I replied 'Why don't you ask me anything in Indonesian, I'm not that good but I do understand'.

He went and told me that (although I already knew from his records) he was born in London but since young converse in Indonesian language and only starts speaking 'proper' English since he was 7. He told me his mother doesn't speak English.His parents got divorced and he was forced to return to Jakarta when he was 10.

He starts telling me that 'all this problems' started in Indonesia and how he hated it. I asked 'it?' Is it the divorce,the separation or the country? JANTAN said 'all of them'.

I asked him back, in my most 'frail' Indonesian dialect ' Apaiin yang kurang enak disana? Kamu nggak suka sama siapa? JANTAN laughed and laughed....I laughed too.

I got the feeling that he is trying to bond but same time very wary of me. So I suggested this 'Okay, let's do this...I'll try speaking in Indonesian language but I can't promise the silver plated eloquency and I'll mix it with Bahasa Malaysia,because I'm better in Bahasa Malaysia than Indonesia. He smiled.

Dalam hati, I'm not so sure I'm doing this the right way. I am not supposed to do this 'over bonding' bit. Psychoanalytic Protocol.I'm going to be his councellor for goodness sake.I'm not supposed to 'expose' myself like that.The similarity (half Indonesian) must have never been brought up.I better stop now.

And I did.I explained to him why I'm there and I want to get on with why I am there for in the first place. I did it all in English..and while doing this, JANTAN keep pacing about and drumming either the table, the chair and himself.

After 40 minutes and less progress, I told him that our session is over and I'll be in touch. He asked 'Do you want to? Nobody likes me'. I look at him 'It is up to you'.JANTAN suddenly 'I like your hair'.

I can only smile back.It's rules.You can't say anything back.

I arrived home early and felt very flat. The only that I can think of after that meeting was 'Should I learn to speak Indonesian?'

Ohhhhh.....

Trauma

ISK...ISK...ISK...


Since yesterday, I dok membantai minum air ‘Kick’ (versi murahan Red Bull, yang dibuat oleh Tesco). Kononnya, untuk memberi tenaga lebih lah ni. Hasilnya, badan adalah bertambah penat dan kepala makin bengong.

I started my day very early hari ni. Set alarm pukul 7.00 am, tapi mata ni kalau weekdays, especially time nak turun kerja, susah yaamatz nak bukak, tapi kalau hari tak kerja, dipaksa-paksa tidur pun, mata trang tang tang gitu. Masalah psychology yang tak ter explain ni...

I have a very special time table at work that tailored to suit my comitment in doing psychoteraphy. So, hari ni tadi, I’m not due at work till about 11.30 am, so kalau nak tido lama sket pon boley, tapi si Cikgu Lou pukul 7 suku dah manggil I cam kucing untuk me ‘remind’ I yang hari ni kereta Mini Ketot yang macam tuan nya itu mesti dihantar ke clinic. So, dalam keadaan ‘senyum dalam tangisan’ I pon bangun, refresh sikit-sikit dan terus hantar Mini Me to ke BMWCooper centre kat Great West Road, adalah 5-8 minutes drive dari flat weols. Great West Road ni or A4, adalah jalan yang busy kat area ni. Sapa-sapa yang dok London and nak travel gi Airport from Central kenalah lalu jalan A4 ni.

Bila I sampai kat that Car Service Centre, I dah siang-siang cakap kat Abang Mutusamy tu (tah ye tah tidak lah nama dia Mutusamy, taram je) yang keta ni bukan keta I. Owner tgh travel oversea and I tukang bawak datang kesini (Repair Centre) je. Abang Mutusamy pon start lah tanya apa masalah Mini Me tu. I ni pon macam Cik Bedah lah baca list problem Mini Me (yang di dictate kat I oleh ownernya sebelum dia merambus makan satay kat Subang Jaya) macam baca shopping list. Harapan I, Abg Mutusamy ni akan salin ajelah apa yang I cakap dan jangan tanya sokla-soklan lain. Tapi...ditanyanya jugak soklan-soklan yang berupa technical yang tak patut langsung ditanya kepada pompuan yang hanya membawa kereta hanya sebagai perhiasan semata-mata.I la tu.

I senyum-senyum simpul aje macam America Next Top Model kena judge dgn Tyra Banks. Kang buat paham kang, lagi banyak pulak ditanya. Ang Mutusamy pon macam syok aje. Last-last dia tanya I, any more question? I pon dgn gagahnya cakap takde. Ingatkan habis situ aje, ditanya lagi if I ni datang from Phillipines. Hey..kena plak explain lagi...

Abg Mutusamy kata maybe keta ni siap by end of the week coz bila dah kena order spare part ni makan 2,3 hari jugak and tanya, cemana I nak travel. I kata, takpe.I okay. Pastu dia offer nak hantar I pi station terdekat. I pon kata takpe, pasal rumah I dekat aje. Tapi sebenarnya, I rasa tak syok pasal diri ni conscious gila rasa tak kemas pasal tak mandi. Refresh badan aje tadi pasal dah lambat. Okaylah..nasib baik dia tak insist hantar.

So, I pon startlah berjalan kaki. Eloklah exercise pepagi ni. Bila sampai kat Great West Road nya main road, puehlah I cari pedestrian crossing ataupon subway coz mmg takde cara nak lintas langsung kat jalan raya besar camtu, unless kalau I plan nak mati hari ni jugak. Berdebab-debub lah hati ni. Alamak, camne aku nak balik ni. Nyesal sombong dengan Abg Mutusamy. Tapi takpe, tabahkan lah hati. I teruskan perjalanan sampaike nearest traffic lights. My intention ialah kalau dia dah merah tu, I pon akan menyebrang lah kebelah nun.

Tunggu punya tunggu, merahlah ia. I pon startlah bergerak. Disebabkan jalan ni sibuk, I takdelah pulak seberang jalan sambil catwalk, I mem ‘PT Usha’ kan pergerakan I, yelah..takut-takut lampu merah tu menjelma lak jadi ijau in sekelip mata. Confident sungguh I. Tah macam mana and tatau lah datang dari mana, berbunyilah hon lorry cam halilintar membelah bumi disertai dengan teriakan ‘Oiii..you fucking C_NT!!!!’ oleh pakcik drebar lorry cargo yang I sumpah demi Allah taktau datang dari mana. Bukan setakat lorry cargo je yang hon I, malah berjenis-jenis kenderaan lagi yang datang bertubi tubi cam ulat taik. I rasa diri ni macam anak kucing terperangkap ditengah lalulintas gitu...

Astagabuga....sekarang ni dah masuk pukul 9.00 malam. Macam-macam benda I buat hari ni, pergi meeting, pergi ofice, beli KFC, beli USB storage thingy...dan hakikatnya, I masih trauma. Trauma di hon pakcik lorry yang kejam dan juga trauma memikirkan kalaulah bukan kerna sejuk perut my mother mengandung I dulu, mungkin dah mati katak I hari ni. And disebabkan trauma itu, tanpa disedari I makan ayam sampai 4 ketul tanpa rasa was-was.

Ya Allah, panjangkanlah umur ku.

Another Hopeful Day...

KALAU TAK JAGA,CAMNILAH RESULTNYA NANTI... (KATA-KATA PERANGSANG UNTUK DIRI SENDIRI)

The pair of bastards starts college hari ni.So maknanya, kuranglah population dalam project ni for today, besok, lusa dan Jem'at, at least for half a day.

The pair of similar needs only one very,very pandai.Semalam, sebelum mereka tu tido, I buat briefing lagi.All that pep talk..jangan menconteng arang kat muka diri sendiri and all that necessary shit.Yang perempuan tu, like always took everything like candy,makan sekarang, after 5 minutes, dissolve and completely gone from her head.Yang jantan, anxious sikit tapi look forward nak jumpa ramai student2 fomfuens,sebab katanya, nak cari girlfriend.Lantak ekau lah..

I dengan my assistant, forewarned the girl about her regular behaviour dalam rumah.Dia ni tak pernah pergi college full time for the past 4 years.I cakap kat dia, how lucky she was because her flatmates semuanya high tolerance dengan dia, cemana dajal pon dia ni.Tapi,kami ingatkan dia, kau dah pergi college ni, jangan nak try to test orang lain punya boundaries,tak pasal-pasal kau kena pulak pelampung dengan orang yang kau sakat tu.The girl punya reaction flat and euthymic.Tengoklah, if she decide to make her brain ponder what we said seriously, selamatlah dia kat college hari ni.

So, that left me with sex offender,sexual predator and one cute little man.I dah buat date nak bershopping dengan dia hari ni.Since yesterday, bergaya aku pergi kerja naik kereta pinjam.Liza kan balik KL for 2 weeks, 2 weeks la aku melaram dengan kereta Austin Powers dia.

By the way, dah 24 hours I tak sentuh Diet Coke.Ni kira satu kejayaan ni.My goal for today ialah, habis kerja, I nak balik tidur.I tidur lambat gila semalam menyiapkan report Orang Yang Sahih Gila Tapi Tak Mengaku Gila Tu...and of course, thinking about it gave me more sleepless night.

Hope today is much better.