Update

First, I have to say that I am really thankful for your comments. I am so sorry that I am not capable, sometime,to reply to all of them but rest assured that semuanya dibaca dengan hati yang berbunga-bunga cinta lestari.

No, I did not have dengue. Nyamuk pun tak ada kat sini, so kebarangkalian nak dapat demam denggi berdarah and takde darah tu adalah amat tipis. Semakin tua umur, semakin lemahlah antibodi and ditambah pulak yang I ni tak rajin nak makan vitamin, maka I akan terjangkit demam dengan cepatnya dan sembuh dengan lambatnya.

But, I really appreciate the well-wishers. In return, I wish you all a good health as well.

So, let's just start with a little update here and there, nah?

It is so funny how people like to interpret thing far,far out of its context, as and when it suits them. In Malaysia this generally applies to all politicians. Put aside lah siapa salah, siapa tak salah. But beringatlah kan yang kamu-kamu pemimpin tu is in the position of trust. Now ni orang marah kat Nik Aziz. As far as I know, Nik Aziz and all his lot dah memang selalunya cakap macam tu kat majlis-majlis syarahan they all. As a melayu, I believe, inadvertantly, dalam percakapan, we produced the kind of verbal own goals that when looking (hearing) back can cause an everlasting cringing embarassment. Take for example bila maggie mee kita dikebas dari bilik prep, maka...akan terkeluarlah kata-kata yang berunsur ugutan melampau e.g. barang sesiapa yang memakan maggie cintan perasa kari aku tu, maka malam ni meletuplah anak tekak dia.Such sentenced was produced merely due to huge frustation but doubtly lah kita nak tengok orang meletop anak tekak dek sepacket mee tu kan?

We are prone to say the right thing at the right time to the wrong people in every conceivable social situation.Obviously, we can't deal with our social ineptitude by avoiding people completely. We may not want to change they way we express ourselves but we certainly hope that people will learn to understand us better. Well, if you're not a politician, maybe. I got away with saying quite a hurtful things to people.I may not be so lucky if I am some Menteri di Jabatan Perdana Menteri etc, etc. Dengan kita-kita ni, boleh lah lagi buat excuse sana-sini, like...alah...janganlah kecik ati dengan si Anu Anu tu, dia memang cakap kasar..tapi dia baekkk ati. Hiks.

Many, many years ago...Shahnon Ahmad got away with freely and unshamedly using the word 'Pu*imak'. Ni bukannya terguna dalam context terperanjat githoo..but kata guna caruts 100 persen ni. I don't remember him being crucified.

People, however nak menjaga peradaban pun, will say the darndest thing. But that does not mean that the people is bad.

I am not all for encouraging bad behaviour and bad choice of words...but I think, sebagai manusia yang boleh berfikir baik dan buruk, we must not manipulate our way of thinking, think bad when we want to when we necessarily don't have to.

************************************************************************

Again, I can't help to feel sorry for that Malaysian guy yang nak kena deport balik KL tu. (isk....yang you pun satu, dah tau ruling kat sini gambar passport kena background putih yang you bantai pi submit gambo kaler biru tu wakpe? Ingat ni Jab Imigresen KL ke?) Ye lah..khabarnya, kalau dia balik Mesia, Jabatan Agama what not nak tangkap dia.Ada pulak mulut puaka yang kata dia nak kena tangkap pasal dia tukar agama lah kononnya.

Why can't we have one rule for all? Kalau benda camni..yang ala-ala kuman seberang laut...cepat benau nak persecute kan? That guy yang acquitted from Noritta's murder, yang terang-terang satu Malaya tahu dia berkongkekan haram...idok pulak aku tengok Mahkamah Syariah nak tangkap dia?

Si Fatine tu takdelahnya nak songlap duit orang or pasang C4 kat badan pompuan Mongolia, so biarlah dia. Orang jeles kot sebab muka dia chantekkk macam Rihanna.(pssttt..kau tak jeles tengok baju gown dia..wahhh, rasa nak gi Debenham sekarang gak)

So, I wish you well Fatine...kalau dah lepas nanti, jangan lupa masak nasik ayam and jamu I nah...

Taraaaa.

Bercakap Dengan Diri Sendiri

Here we are in the month of December.

Month of December jugaklah ada orang tu akan mengalami reality bite yang dia tu tua setahun dari I. Kalau tak tu sokmo tak ngaku...nak tunggu umur cukup on the dot katanya..pirrra mabuk!

Okay...I will be attending a wedding soon. Somebody very,very close to me. At this age, dengan tak ber bagage nya, attending a wedding macam nak gi belayar kat Indian Ocean, where Somalian Pirates a.k.a. sedara-mara yang bermulut lanun adalah dimana-mana.

There have been 3 weddings in the house and I attended only 2. I wasn't playing the big part like a family member did in a family wedding, macam Tara Palmer-Tomkinson, I cuma hadir tunjuk muka dan menjadi bahan sindiran my married cousins, Pakcik & Makcik.

I have a conversation with my ex yesterday. Not a good one. While one party is trying hard to patch things up. another one is happy being unattached.

I have been single since last February, after many,many years of drama. This is my 2nd long term relationship...dengan dua-dua nya tak menjadi.

I was badly messed up. I think bila kita dah jatuh terjelepuk the first time, we entered the 2nd one dengan attitude yang sangat defensive and not willing to be the doormat anymore (padahal, kenkadang tu takde nya pun orang kedua tu treat kita macam doormat pun)

So we ended up being the most difficult person for other sto put up with and blamed it on our 'complicated' self. Takdenya yang complicated pun...when you are not ready to give or when you're are not that sort of person to give...you can't give.

So...the wedding is looming and I will soon asked the same questions again. I want to be honest with people this time.

Why am I 'still' single?

Yeah..I like to be in a relationship,having people to talk to when I need to talk etc,etc.

But, there will be time that I want to be on my own, do not want to share my opinion, my space, my feelings, being horrible, anti social etc, etc.

That you can get...by being unattached.


(dan saya masih demam)

Suci Dalam Demam...3

Weih....Kiah asked me to hapdate about the malay guy. Which one ah? I wrote about two. I don't know the first guy, but I wish him well in his predicament.

I'm afraid I have to re-refer that PHD guy to someone else. Mind you, bukan aku sorang aje yang boleh cakap melayu dalam Dept tu. I know a Malaysian consultant psychiatrist and if the need be, Mamat tu (sebab dia dah jadi detainee immigration) can asked for interpreter service. But kalau dah belajar sampai PHD, takkanlah tak boleh cakap omputih kan? There's plenty of Malaysian student yang pandai cakap omputih...and terlebih pandainya sampai nak ikut English accent yang in the end tersangatlah confuse dot com it sounded like American Irish immigrant. Ish..ish...buat malu aje taw...Kiah.

Ingatlah ye...sesapa English wannabe, it is not about the sound of words you produced, it is about how you say it. Sila belajar technique-technique yang betul dari Cik Kiah...yang didatang khas dari private school Exeter ittew...apa khelass aku yang belajar kat Felda Trolak ni kan?

So...tak kan adalah gossip. Having said that, I now realised betapa tak berkaliber nya aku. I've signed the confidentiality policy and here I am, pi cerita pulak hal orang dengan you all, kan?

But....masa-masa demam macam ni, memang lah mood insaf belaka. Curi pen dari opis dah rasa berdosa gittew.

Speaking about re-referring patient, one is in aposition to do so if he/she feels the need to render professional service may interfere or jeorpardise the case.

I wrote in my report that...the guy has refused treatment and refused cooperating, but responded when I conversed in his native language, when there is no apparent need for me to do so.

So, I will see him again to close his file. There is a fine line between overly stressed and disengagement of cognitive ability. Dia tu stressed, bukannya tak paham bahasa. Kalau le I ni Ustazah, I will ask him to pray to tenangkan hati....(tapi Makji pun hit and miss you..., takde kepimpinan melalui teladan langsung)

Suci Dalam Demam...2

1. Takde cerita nak diceritakan.....Makji masih demam, batuk,selsema, batuk...and demam balik. Ubat dah makan. Hari-hari mandi air extra panas...minum air kosong, air tak kosong, semua dah try. GP aje belum jumpa. Walaupun demam...I tetap gi kerja. Gagah/gigih sungguh. Orang tanya, apasal you tak cuti sakit? Yeah..boleh, pastu kerja pun menimbun. Takpe...nanti kerja yang menimbun tu dah susut, I akan start mengular balik.

2. Semalam...ada cerita budak melayu keluar dalam The Sun. Cantik sungguh budak tu. Jealous sungguh I dengan rambut dan mekap nya. Budak KLCC, kawin dengan orang putih dari Derby. Khabarnya dah nak kena deported...kesian. Jahat betul immigration kat sini.Lanun Somalia dibaginya masuk dan British Passport, tapi orang yang dah masuk sini ikut channel yang betul, macam-macam songeh lak. Tak pasal-pasal nanti, bila dia balik Malaysia, Jais Jawi semua berlumba tunggu kat KLIA nak nangkap dia. Cis! Semoga dia selamat pergi dan balik.

3. I ada case baru. Budak melayu...sekarang ni kena tahan kat tah mana pusat detention. Dah 2 tahun tahun katanya kena tahan. 3 bulan lepas, adik ni kena refer kena psychiatrist. I baca file dia...pandai budak ni. Ada PHD, although I must say that the damage in his head is not caused by his studies. Kena seksa boipren kot...nak balik takut, makbapak dah pulau...he already breached government contract or something. He is not talking to anyone. I saw him 2 days ago. He didn't respond when I interview him. Of course lah Makji cakap omputih kan? I was with a nurse, I asked questions, the nurse asked him questions...pun dia tak jawab. But his hands is shaking. After 15 minutes and tekak I pun dah sakit dek berbatuk-batuk and menanya soklan kat dianya yang macam batu, I tanya nurse tu, is he on any medication? Nurse cakap dianya selalu refuse. I tanya Nurse lagi..Mamat ni bahaya tak, walaupun dia nya ada jugak membuat perangai dalam detention centre e.g. menterbalikkan meja, memecah barang etc. Nurse cakap dia okay. Then I said....so, awak ni sebenarnya kenapa? Rasa tak sihat ke? Tangan nampak macam gementar...awak risaukan apa sebenar nya? Buntang mata dia tengok I. Dia tanya I..akak orang Melayu ke? I cakap kat dia...makan ubat you. 2 minggu lagi kita cakap-cakap okay? Saya tak gila Kak. Saya tahu...tapi awak tertekan. Badan awak tak boleh rehat, so ikut cakap Nurse ni, makan ubat...bagi sistem awak rehat. 2 minggu..kita jumpa lagi. I took his hand..masih menggeletar.Ni..tengok ni...awak terlampau risau..pasal tu menggeletar. Makan ubat. We finished at that.I called the ward after that...and he did take his meds.

4. Semoga Danyl Johnson akan kalah minggu ini...makin menyampah pulak aku nengok muka nya. I hate manipulative people.

Suci Dalam Demam

I am currently not well. Physically. Maybe...mentally too.

Last week, MB1 dah start tersosek-sosek. Tapi yang herannya si kecik tu, kalau demam, hanya sehari aje, pastu dia akan kembali ke sediakala.

Pagi selasa, I bangun bagi dengan tekak yang mengembang macam tekak katak. So, selalunya bila I nak dapat demam, memang tekak lah yang akan sakit dulu. From there, I dah start makan lemsip capsules. 2 bijik every 4 hours. Keesokan pagi, tekak tu masih lagi rasa macam dah tertelan katak...and I pun sambung lagi makan ubat lemsip tu.

Masuk hari Jumaat, dalam badan I tak sihat tu, I pergi jugak cenference kat Colchester yang jauhnya 2 jam perjalanan naik kereta dari London. Ikutkan hati, memang taknak pergi...tapi, sibertuah-bertuah colleagues I semuanya tatau jalan and disebabkan I dah pernah pergi tempat ni, semuanya tunggu I yang bawak. Fed up sungguh.

Habis conference, Boss tanya I, you pergi opis tak? I cakap...tak..sebab I dah rasa macam nak pengsan kat situ jugak. So Boss hantar I balik. And balik-balik aje, I terus masuk shower dan mandi air yang paling panas sekali.I always think that there is a certain traditional ways to cure from cold.Mandi air panas. I will not bother to see my GP pasalnya, appointment bukan tentunya akan dapat time-time tu jugak, and maybe by the time the GP free nak jumpa I, it is either I dah baik dengan seniri nya or dah m**i.

Mandi air panas tak jalan....so I pun tukar lah ubat. I bantai minum ubat batuk sehari suntuk. Pun macam tu juga.Kepala rasa macam nak pecah, so itu macam indication yang hidung I tersumbat githoo, do I pun pi hambat MB1 pi cari decongestant syrup kat pharmacy. Chewwahh...berlumba-lumba kahak, mak kahak dah keluar diiringi batuk yang luarbiasa sampai berdarah-darah anak tekak I.

Semalam, dalam keadaan badan yang segan mati takmau, I boleh lagi submit menu kat MB1. I cakap, I nak makan karipap. Terus dia keluar pi beli bahan. Konon lah nak bagi keluar peluh, I took part dalam menguli tepung yang agaknya, berkat demam...terus tepung karipap tu menjadi. Bila karipap dah siap, I pun memakan sambil berbaring,sambil tertido (dek kepala berputar dek ubat tu), sambil batuk-batuk,sambil masuk toilet buang kahak 5,6 kali sepanjang malam, sambil tido balik etc..etc. Cukup semua cycle sampai pagi.

Hari ni rasa okay sikit...malangnya karipap dah habis and hati I kembali menjadi panas. MB1 dan MB2 telah mengambil kesempatan dalam kelemahan dan kerabunan I, maka mereka berdua tu membaham karipap sambil menonton Hannibal Rising. Ish..kalaulah they all boleh lalu makan sambil tengok cerita yang kejam macam tu, surelah memasing tu berhati ice cube kan? I should be lucky yang aku ni tak dimakannya.

Dalam pada seminggu yang dipenuhi oleh hari-hari demam ni, sambil I berfeeling superwoman masih pergi kerja walaupun rasa nak pengsan, ada jugak kerja-kerja tak berpekdah lain yang I dah buat.

I am now ialah salah seorang penyokong 'Anwar Ibrahim Haters Club' kat pesbuk. I think I must have 2 friends or more that this group was suggested to me. Well I thought by not liking him very much and at all, I am so overly qualified to become a supporters. I always feel that Anwar got a face that it is hard to like, so macam mana dia boleh tarik orang masuk PKR pun I tatau. I think that people become a member for the sake of opposing the government, yang boleh tahan lah puaka nya. I think, had PKR have a different Leader, I pun macam tempted jugak nak join. Hey you all janganlah taktau, dulu I ni penyokong kuat Semangat 46 nah...siap ada badge dengan topi lagi, sampai my father tegur, nak ambik SPM ke nak jadi pembangkang ni?

Dalam demam-demam dalam debu tu, selama ni yang I tak heran langsung tapi benci nak mampus kat AI, sempatlah membaca, menengok Yutiub pasal dia nya. Ingatkan lepas keluar jail, dok umah lah kan? Geghope nya.....luas jugak dia berjalan...sampai pergi interview sampai Australia sinun.

Ish..tak malu kah AI tu? Hal dalam negara sendiri pi bagitau orang? Macamlah orang kat KL tu terseksa macam kat Zimbabwe. Adakah dia jugak mengharapkan orang Australia pun mengundi dia juga?

Looking at his supporters yang ala-ala pakcik berani mati tapi anak bini kat rumah tak makan, does he not feel a tinge of responsibility leading them to something so uncertain yet rewarding only for him?

Karpal Singh dengan geramnya dah cakap.....Anwar perlu bertaubat!!! Hah..hambik kau.Apa namanya Ketua yang mengalakkan lompat-lompat party tu? How can he not feel embarrass banking on winning from people sitting on the fence ni? Itu aje kah modalnya?

Tapikan...yang tak bestnya bab AI haters ni...ada jugak puak-puak yang yang mengutuk dia menggunakan bahasa-bahasa yang sangatlah rendah moralnya.

Benci, benci jugak lah kak..bang. Tapi takpayah lah nak maki-maki cam gitu sekali nah? Nanti orang ingat kita ni mentality kaki carut pulak.

Tak suka, tak suka lah...takpayahlah nak panggil orang tu vavi ke, mat vontot ke...

Ingat lah hah...I think what we don't like is his political propaganda...he might be nice in person.

Game......Anonymous

Mula-mula......FARMTOWN. Wahhhh...I suka main ini game. Cucuk tanam, pastu harvest...pastu plow. Pulak tu sambil berkerja boleh bergossip. Pastu..tak cukup dengan kerja kat ladang sendiri and ladang jenjiran, boleh gi jobseeking kat Marketplace lagi. Bila dah ramai jiran, semangat taknak kalah tu memang tinggi. Orang naik point, kita jeles. Orang beli rumah, kita jeles. Pendek kata...apa aje benda kat ladang orang yang takde dalam ladang kita, kita akan sakit hati kejelesan dan tak tido malam merayau mencari kerja so that we could afford to buy benda-benda baru.

Seingat I, takde langsung pengalaman pahit main game ni, cuma satu ketika dulu ada jugaklah jiran yang suka benar datang kebun orang..bergossip tak pe lagi..membuat gossip tu yang I tak larat. Dah le aku ni kurang pahala...berkebun dengan orang tu makin menambah dosa aje. Ish....

Lepas tu....geng-geng kat opis mulalah tanya..eh, ko ada main FARMVILLE tak? Sebulan jugak I keraskan hati sambil mempromote kat diorang suruh main FARMTOWN. I cakap kat my colleague (tu diah..terkopak rahsia kan..Social Worker yang tak bertauliah ni, masa counselling session, masa buat incident report sebenarnya dalam diam main game Facebook) FARMTOWN lagi bagussss. Walaupun I dah cakap kat they all tu yang I akan tetap setia dengan FARMTOWN, memasing masih gak cuba memanipulate keputusan periuk api I dengan menghantar gift-gift berupa anak kambing, Mak Lembu, Pokok-Pokok etc dengan melimpahruah nya.

Curiosity got the better of me. Walaupun I kurenggg sikit gemar dengan musik nya, I sungguh terpaut hati dengan lelembu yang ber eye lashes macam Donatella Versace tu. Hah..mulalah aku cuba memenuhi dua tanggungjawab sekaligus. Penat occay.....tapi walaupun begitu, bak sang jantan yang dah berbini tapi masih ada masa mengayat dan menjalankan tanggungjawab kepada gilpren dan bini nya serentak, begitulah I dengan FT and FV ni.

Ada sekali masa kat KL, I ni on the way nak gi pasar malam TTDI. Sesampainya I kat Damansara Utama tu, jantung rasa rasa nak pecah and I mulalah macam monyet kena letrik githoo. MB2 tanya apasal? I cakap...ish..I lupa, I baru tanam strawberry ke hapa..yang akan masak dalam masa 2 jam. Rasa nak pusing balik masa tu jugak. Tapi...demi nak menjaga maruah diri (or nanti orang ingat aku ni gila) I relakan saja my plantations to withered.I menangis dalam hati you..isk, isk, isk.

Sebenarnya, dalang dalam ketagihan terbaru I ni..ialah MB2. Dia lah yang ajak-ajak. I pun bila tengok macam best aje join lah. Kesudahnya, aku yang lagi productive dari dia.

Tak habis dengan Farmville, I ni dah bukak Cafe lah pulak. I dah terperasan yang kawan-kawan dari FT pun ada lama Cafe juga. Majuuuuu pulak tu. Tu yang I sakit ati. Sakit hati dan dengki itu jugaklah punca I bermain bertubi-tubi, sampaikan I sanggup set alarm bila lauk-pauk tu dah disiap masak. I boleh tido sebelah komputer lagi dan dalam pisat-pisat tu, I main game, boleh?

(Orang datang rumah pun, I sempat main game lagi....boleh?)

Sekarang ni, ada orang ajak I main MAFIA lah, Restaurant lah...ayoyo...hati I macam digaru-garu. Tapi, semenjak ada nya game-game ni, ketagihan I makin melampau dan kerja I semakin tak siap. Semalam, ada orang masuk opis I dan terdengar bunyik lembu FV yang suka mengawan tu. Dia cakap kat I..ooohh..you main game ye? I pun cakap...a'ah. Kenapa, you nak report I ke? Tu diah..macam penagih sangat kan...berani tak bertempat. (Although..assistant I tu takkan nya mereport I...sebabnya I selalu bagi dia balik awal)

Sekarang ni, I macam menyesal pulak.. Kalau tahu lah nak jadi cenggini, tak hingin pun I accept application tu. I should have stick to my Age Of Empire & Sim City. Lagi menguatkan minda. Ni? Game buat aku semakin busuk ati lagi memakan gaji buta adalah...

Is there any Game Anonymous out there? I really need to curb my addiction. Seriously.

Yang Cenekel...and Yang Kejam

Apa yang Cenekel?

The news yesterday and before reported how two men is sentenced to jail for raping and molesting 2 of their daughters. I think, sorang bapak haruan tu merog sambil mencabul and sorang lagi bapak haruan tu teleh mencabul anak-anak pompuannya.Ye...memang celaka.

The rapist and molester, ghopa-ghopa dah membuat kerja-kerja terkutuk ni bertahun lama nya and only got found out bila anaknya merepot. I think dia kena jail bertahun-tahun jugak and akan disebat (mintak-mintak tercabut lah tolo eh maso di cemat tu kan, Tijah?)

The molester...kena jail 60 bulan aje. Ke 5 tahun macam tu? The news decided to report the graphic bit of his molestation one of which is forcing the daughter to give him a blow job.

I think that is so traumatic for a 11 years old. Nak nak yang menyuruh tu bapak nya seniri.

Both men are askar. Both is asking for leniency in their sentence, kunun nya..mereka tu dah berjasa dalam angkatan tentera.

Nak aje I tanya, since pendudukan Jepun, PKM, Memali and Bukit apa kenamanya kat Peghok tu, apalah sangat kerja abang-abang askar ni kan? My father pun askar juga...siap masuk hutan keluar hutan but he always come home with his extra rations. tapi dia selalu happy aje, siap posing-posing amik gambar pegang senapang berfeeling Rambo lagi. Unlike British troop kat sini yang tiap-tiap minggu ada je yang mati kena bunuh dek Taliban, askar kat Malaysia sempat lagi berpoya-poya kat Tasik nah??? Or kat Stesyen minyak Esso tunggu orang bawak balik? (ish..manalah pulak aku tahu ni...ade ke kerna aku membaca blog orang-orang yang berprojekan dengan Abang Askar?) Well...biarlah orang nak bergumbira kan?

Tapi, ape ke hey nya si pakcik dua orang ni, siap mintak dikasihani after dibahamnya anak masing-masing tu? Pulak tu, mintak denda kurang, penjara kurang kononnya nak kena sara anak-anak. Masa menajamkan sabit memasing tu idok le nak menggunakan pala hotak kan?

Rape is a heinous as it is, quite munasabah jugak lah orang kena penjara sampai 20 tahun (kalau aku, tak bagi keluar dah..merasalah memasing tu merogol pokok pisang pulak kan?) but I think, for those who raped and molested their own child, counting the fact that the impact it caused the child, apasal tak ikut style Pak Arab aje, supaya direjam sampai mati? Guna apanya nak hidup lagi? Buat menakutkan budak tu aje kan? (Emo ni...)

So I hope, the judge akan maki bapak-bapak haruan ni habis-habisan, make them feel that they're the scum of the earth and rasa nak bunuh diri masa-masa tu jugak.

Buat malu Angkatan Tentera aje kan? Ada hati lak tu nak excuse pasal dah buat jasa..jaso hatuk eh!

Apa Yang Kejam

Kesian budak kat Perlis yang kena tembak dek pak polisi tu. Dengarnya, bapak budak tu nak menyaman polis. Pakcik...takziah dan SAYA SOKONG PAKCIK!!!!!! (Sambil menjerit ni..)

Budak yang mati ditembak tu, dah tentulah ada sedikit 'sakit' dalam kepala nya, kalau tak masakan dia boleh pi cakap terang-terangan kat orang yang dia nak munuh kengkawannya. Reading back, he voluntarily walked into the station. Polis kata dah pujuk dia satu jam.

Tapi masakan polis tak perasan yang dia ni bermasalah dan merbahaya kepada umum, so apasal bagi dia balik rumah ambik parang?

Polis kata, they all terpaksa tempak kerana budak tu nak memarang kan Polis. Eskius mi....polisi berapa orang? Yang mengamuknya berapa orang? Tak kan lah reramai polisi tu sorang budak berparang pun takleh handle? And, have they not got the gas pemedih mata?

It is all a bit dodgy for me. I ni bukan apa...setakat memujuk penunjuk-penunjuk perasaan yang lupa makan ubat anti-psychotic tu dah memang biasa buat. To me, selagi sipengamuks tu takde bomb tangang ke, kereta kebal ke, mazooga yang keluaq-keluaq api tu, takyah nak main tembak-tembak kan?

Polis kata nak tempak kaki aje...tapi agaknya sibudak tu melompat-lompat, maka terkenalah badan and mati. Tak kan lah polis takde latihan menembak kan? Tipu sangat lah tu.

So kesimpulannya, Polis yang memembak tu memang kejam.


***Cenekel is jenaka.

Nasihat Sesat

I ni....tergolong dalam category anak derhaka......to my parents. Pasalnya, selagi tak disound oleh adik-adik I yang hint-hint, amma and appa tertanya-tanya anak nombor 2 diorang ni whether masih idup ke idak, barulah I nak capai telepon. Tu pun cakap tak sampai lah 5 minit.

I jugak...sebab takde title kakak & adik derhaka dalam buku bahasa melayu, adalah kakak & adik yang tak hingat kat adik beradik sendiri. From time to time, me and my two sisters, we emailed each other, but that's it. Kalau takde hal-hal nak dibualkan...maka email account I ni boleh dibuat redundant gittew.

But...........I like to think that for the last couple of years, things has changed between me and my siblings and me and my parents. My work now, although I selalu war-war kan kat you all betapa menyampahnya I dengan patient-patient I tu, has taught me the most valuable lesson.

That we.........must love our parents as much as they love us. See, the later is the important bit. I think, kalau parents kita macam puaka, so...apalah gunanya nak disayang sepenuh jiwa raga. But by saying this, it's only applies to makpak yang mendera, merogol anak they all sendiri. My parents (my father) are not perfect. But he loves us (me). And I should and must return his kindness. I forgave the rotan and the slaps. I have forgotten the harsh words. And I must always remember that although badan and kaki berbirat dirotan and hati sakit dimaki, my parents will always be there for me. Unlike some of my patients...yang rata-rata nya, mak pak dah taknak.

That we.......siblings must stick together. Although for my eldest brother the 'stick' word may differ. It can be use in 'STICK up your arse' or 'I am so menyampah that I am happy to beat you up with a STICK'. Cam tu lah.

Since I am far, my two younger sisters has assumed the role of the dependable one, unlike the boys yang kebanyakan nya buat hal sendiri. Sometime I wonder if my other brother still alive, would he be the slightest different. He was the rock and maybe, my youngest brother would have a different attitude. The eldest tu jangan cakaplah....sebab dia yang sulung agaknya takde abang or kakak yang boleh sound dia kau-kau. So all this time he have live to think he has done nothing wrong, so adalah agak lambat nak melentur buluh yang dah keras macam kayu cengal.

So, recently my sisters ngadu kat I, pasal our 2 youngest siblings. Dua-dua nya memeningkan kepala my mother, so my mother ni mengadulah kat my sisters, mintak tolong nasihat, ala-ala tough love gittew, Kiah. Perangai my 2 youngest siblings ni jugaklah menjadi tajuk gossip I dengan my sisters, so when I was there recently, my sisters brought this up again and asked if kalau boleh, I pulak yang nasihat. Manalah tahu kot-kot they all nak dengar.

Ye lah. Silap orang betul lah nak mintak aku nasihat ye. I am fully sure that my youngest siblings takde organic mental health or any psychological problems, so idok le aku bercadang nak menggunakan pendekatan ala-ala Fazilah Kamsah. Buat apa? Obviously masalah perangai ni dah lama like lemak tepu, so exercise sikit-sikit ambik masa bertahun jugak nak buang lemak tu. Thinking that my mother and my sisters agaknya dah berbuih mulut cakap or bagi nasihat pesanan mesra and still tak jalan, there is no point using the same technique kan?

Kepada my brother yang bercita-cita nak jadi Kimi Raikonnen tu but dah dua tiga kali jugak masuk sepital patah riuk masih tak serik-serik, ku petirr kan dengan kata-kata, kalau kau mati terus senang. Takyah amma,appa risau-risau and sesusah pi sepital lawat/jaga kau. Why don't you do us all a favour....and drive through the wall and get killed now!!!!!

Kat yang bongsu...pun kena petirrr juga, sampai menangis. Told her the awful truth that masa makpak ada, adik beradik masih oblige nak hambik tahu kan? Tunggulah kalau makpak dah takde, kau apa nak jadi? Terussss......kembali kepangkal jalan dia.

Of course lah kan...aku dapat reputation sebagai akak garang dan berlagak. They might say...ala, mentang-mentang la...

But I told them, say what you like....but you know this is the truth.

Lepas tu, kiranya my sisters report kat I ada perubahan mendadak. And sekarang ni yang tinggal hanyalah si Cicakman tu. I said to my sisters, we can't and shouldn't do anything. Pasalnya in the past, our parents has always done something for him. So dianya tak pernah belajar menghargai apa orang buat untuk dia. We should just watch and ignore. Let him learn the hardest way. One day he'll realise that he's done nothing he can be proud of and that all this time, his saving grace is us and our parents.

Kesimpulannya...I nak bagitau kat my sisters....tak semua orang mau disedarkan. Biarlah dia. Hormat saja lah. Because until dia jatuh terjelepuk, he will always think that he is right.

Trust that I always bagi nasihat sesat kat orang.....hiks!

Saturday Thoughts

I have been wanting to write about Din and his tragedy. But on most time, I think I shouldn't since the case is on trial...and since dia pun dah mati kena bunuh,so macam tak baik lah kan?

I am not a professional writer. Hati tu ada, but janji-janji manis dengan diri sendiri nak ambik course creative writing, belajar berenang dan bermain piano, tinggal janji-janji manis. (Pun begitu..saya telah merepairkan reputation saya sebagai penjanji manis 210 karat dgn budak pandai ittew...so in between saya dok dendiam dalam bilik main game pesbuk, saya tetap melayan tetamu kat mansion saya yang sebesar bontot ungka menghadap Richmond Park...fuhhh tanak kalah ittew)

So..back to 'I'm not a professional writer' line. So, disebabkan tak professional, I do not have writing ethics, apa yang boleh tulis, apa yang takleh tulis...kecik ke hati orang yang membaca nya etc etc. But I think professional or not, asalkan saya tak ngumpat Tunku Muhriz or bercerita dalam blog things people tell me in confidence, maka...tu lah bahan blog yang takde moral ni.

Back in 2002 my sister sent me stuff from home via her flight stewardess fren. Memandangkan flight stewardess ni pun budak Paroi Jaya and kira family fren jua, aku dengan muka takmalu pi pesan kat dia, oii, boleh tak ko songlap Mingguan Malaysia for me since her incoming flight tu hari Isnin.

And I pun macam dapat makan roti jala gittew bila dapat baca MM yang didatangkan (curikan) khas oleh Malaysia Airlines. Only to get shock to see a familar face on front page.Kalau berita dia dapat pingat dari Agung ke or invented portable pharmacy ke okay lah jugak kan...the news was, he was found dead. Iya NBNS....kat longkang besar belakang tempat kita makan satay and minum vodka asam boi tu...(sure berantu lah longkang tu)

Reading the detail of the news, the gruesome discovery dengan jari yang putus and body yang hangus, I soon remember his fiance yang masa tu dah pun jadi bini dia. Cemanalah agaknya dia sekarang...

I told MB. Of course MB tak kenal siapa si Din ni because masa ni I sungguh muda remaja pre England,so manalah I kenal MB lagi kan? I told MB, I kenal this guy and my first thought was...kalau tak dia nasib malang terjumpa psycho killer or maybe dia dah kacau bini or gilfren orang and he must have upset someone crazy enough to inflict the pain on him.

I followed the case religiously...and my suspicion prevailed. However bad he was, this should not have happened.We were moving in the same circle before and he has quite a bit of a reputation. I remember him skinny and charming. He speaks as if he was god gift to women. But all confident and charming men are like that kan?

It turns out that...yes, he upset someone by making lewd proposition the person's girlfriend. Details of the event leading to his death, enough to upset every man. Din had badly misjudged the severity of his cocky-ness, if I may say. And he ended up in the longkang...lifeless.

The girlfriend in question, is a good looking, paper flunking and moonlighting GRO student. I think it is fair to say (kan Kiah?) kita orang pompuan ni..kenkadang ada jugak kena propose macam-macam dengan jantan mega gatal.Nak nak atas kapalterbang, jantan nak mintak macam-macam, janji bulan bintang, selling off himself tall (tapi tak sedar diri naik Economy, boleh?)

Some proposition can be flattering...nak nak, boifren sendiri depan mata pun nak ajak tengok wayang macam nak ajak pergi haji, but jantan lain yang takde kena mengena...sanggup going out of their way to please you (and them)

The girlfriend was one of the main suspect and was acquitted but was offered to stand trial as a prosecution witness. Macam sial...if you asked me.

Why? Kalau bukan sebab dia yang

a) Melayan (ye lah..kalau takde angin, takkan orang kentut kan?)
b) Merengek-rengek kat boyfriend kata..ada orang kacau dia
c) Paling teruk...challenged the boyfriend to prove a point... (dengarnya dia pi cakap kan boipren nya..where's your balls? Why aren't you doing anything?) Dah tahu boyfriend macam ada angin baran sikit

So, I bet she wish that the boyfriend's balls is safely tucked in her gob so that takde siapa mati and takde siapa nak kena gantung. So, on yesterday's news..the boyfriend and his partners in crime, was found guilty and is off to gallows.

So, who is the real victim here? Yes, the boyfriend.Din dah tentulah nya dah mati..dengan anak-anak yang dah takde bapak. Yes, Din may have made mistake cost him his life and the boyfriend? Having to live with his stupidity menyahut cabaran tak berhemat gf dia and to have blood in his hands. I don't think he takes pleasure in this, at all.

And what happened to the girl? Scot free. But I am sure...she is suffering with her conscious.

Let's just do this the normal way.

1. Kalau you tak pass exam, dekat 3 kali pulak tu, what does that tell you? Tukar course and maybe take a break and re sit when you're ready.
2. Kalau dah bongok exam 3 kali tak pass, one night stand offered by your lecturer to guarantee the success in your appeal, will not make any difference. Maybe, just maybe..kalau dah final year...and you desperate to pass your paper or else face financial ruin, and if lecturer ada iras-irsa Anuar Zain...meaningless sex is worth (is it?) the shot (tapi, ini bukan encouragement dari saya nah?)
3. Kalau jantan miang (unless dia kaya macam Sultan Brunei ke, Dato' K ke, abang K ke) and hanya lecture biasa lak tu (again, no offence to academician out there) yang dah berbini and beranak start menggatal dengan you, best thing is jangan layan. If you have the confidence, maybe tell him stuff that put him back in his place or kalau puaka tu tak reti bahasa sampai ke tahap harassment, report pak polisi aje.
4. Fair enough you want to tell yr boifren...tapi kalau dah tahu boifren tu ada saka rimau akar yang boleh meradang dengan sekelip mata, janganlah kau menyimbah petrol kat daun kering lak kan?
5. To men and women, cockyness won't help. Kalau orang datang jumpa you cakap jangan lah kacau gilpren/boipren dia...jawablah dengan ikhlas nya. Kalau you betul2 syok kat partner orang and you tak bertepuk sebelah tangan, tell them the truth. Jangan lak kau pi cakap...elehh...pompuan mana-mana and bini orang pun aku boleh pinjam, ni kan pulak gilpren kau. Tak ke mengundang samurai dan bom petrol tu?

To the boyfriend, I hope you succeed in your appeal and get a lighter sentence...
To Din's family, Mawar and anak-anak...Al Fatihah

To the girlfriend...I hope you're happy. For he who have loved you so much to kill and to be bertrayed.

Update

I have a specific reputation in my workplace. From what I know, it is me and two other colleagues of mine.And from what I know, it is good. Good for others...and not all the time, good for me.

I start doing what I do now since 2002. I thought I am a late starter....but my colleague (at that time) is far, far older than I am. Their credentials scares me. Majority of them have worked in top Mental Health institution and sees terpeleot people day in day out.

Mine? The highest achievement in my life is CIMA from LSE and my encounter with learning disable and mentally incapacitated people is either at MRSM, Jabatan-jabatan kerajaan, one Makcik mereng in Terachi called Saadiah (tatau hidup lagi ke tidak...but we fear her when we balik kampung) and my eldest brother. As for my eldest brother, he is born normal...but as and when he pleases, he will act mentally disable thus menyakitkan hati ramai orang. Pun begitu, dia tu abangku and bak kata orang....air dicincang takkan putus. I wish I can cincang him when I am angry. Let him putus for a while and alike ekor cicak, he come out alive and new.

So berbekalkan kelulusan yang takde mengena and sedikit training sebelum masuk kerja, I was assigned 5 ADHD and severe autistic case.5 of them was sectioned under Mental Health Act walaupun takde specific mental illness, masing-masing tu dah pernah terajang orang, self harm and menjahanamkan harta benda awam dan makbapak mereka, and tu lah pasalnya masuk sepital.This 5 jahanam is due hospital discharge and boss I masa tu, letak file diorang atas meja I dengan notes yang paling cilaka...They are now under your care. Please provide comprehensive care plan and ensure 24-7 supervision in the community.So, good luck.

After 2 years....5 jahanam tu dah kena discharge from my care permanently and....deemed suitable to live independently in the community.

How did I do it? Honestly....I don't know. I must have a natural disciplinarian talent and doa-doa mak bapak. Allah must have love me so much that I never once, patah tulang or pecah hidung whilst working with them. (and juga berkat doa halau anjing summum bukmumm tu)

After that cases in my way selalunya watak-watak antagonist dalam cerita-cerita Roman. Worst one was that paedo guy.But alhamdulillah, all was well. Like other people, I do suffer from setback, when some people die and left me wonder, have I not done enough to save them?

So I received a phone call from my 2nd Boss today....so she conveyed message from the big Boss CPB (the cow who gave me warning letter and all that offensive emails) katanya...Makji, you kat mana tu? I cakap kat dia...eh, I kat tempat kerja lah (dalam hati, ko hengat aku kat Disneyland Paris ke?)

Makji...Boss CPB suruh I call you. Katanya ada urgent transfer from Unit B ke Unit C. (I pernah jadi Manager kat unit C ni) I tanya...siapa pulak yang nak kena transfer ni?

They told me this young lady terpaksa di transfer because apparently she had been stalking unit B's Manager, doing collage of her picture on her walls, leaving threating message on her phone and few other things yang kalau orang lain dengar mau terjatuh seluar dalamnya. From what I was told, Manager and Deputy kat Unit B tu dah pergi stress leave and semua staff kat situ dah malas nak datang kerja disebabkan pompuan ni. So Boss CPB cadangkan si pompuan jahanam ni to transfer pergi Unit C and I telah diminta dengan serta merta tinggalkan semua kerja I sekarang and uruskan respite care dia. Boss CPB kata kat 2nd Boss, Makji Esah will be perfect for this job.

What my bosses didn't know is that semalam...Manager unit B tu telepon I nangis-nangis...katanya dah tak larat lagi nak bekerja dengan puaka tu. Katanya dia dah report pompuan jahanam tu kat polis tapi pompuan jahanam tu pandai pulak berlakon depan polis. Bila I tanya, kenapa tak suruh polis tangkap dan section dia? Manager unit B kata, macam mana nak section, kalau psychiatrist tak approve? So I pun bagilah moral support kat kawan I si Manager Unit B ni...and cakap kat dia, sabarlah. Use this time off to relax and de stress.

Only to be told today that pompuan jahanam tu akan dihantar kat I.

I cakap kat 2nd Boss...I banyak case ni...and with my workload, macam mana I nak concentrate kat si gila tu. I reminded 2nd Boss that reading history pompuan gila ni, tak pasal-pasal aku pulak jadi her next target, apasal tak kasi kat staff jantan aje?

2nd Boss pujuk-pujuk. I hentak-hentak kaki (of course 2nd Boss tak nampak..sebab dia dalam telepon)

I cakap...Okay lah. Send me her file. 2nd Boss...ohh, you're star. I really appreciate this.

Dengan macam cilakanya I jawab...it's not like I have a choice, is it?

*********To all nice people out there....please pray for me. This is so not easy.*******

If I Can't Have You

Reading the recent event in Malaysia, pasai satu pakcik ni pi tikam sampai mati bini dia, pasalnya aruah tu dah nak bercerai benar-benar dengan si pakcik ni.

Ish...ish..sian kan kat Uwan tu. Umur dah le lanjut, ingat kalau dah nak dijemput tu, bior le pergi dalam keadaan aman gittew....ni tak. Mati ditikam dek laki lagi.

Couple of years ago kat sini...dekat dengan tempat I kerja masa tu, adalah jantan bekas askar ni boleh berani mati pi tembak ex gilpren dia yang kerja kat beauty counter Harver Nicks tu. Si mamat tu, if I'm not mistaken originated from Eastern European, have been dating this girl for a while jugaklah. Agaknya si pompuan tu tak tahan lah agaknya dengan perangai obsessive possesive jantan ni, teruslah mintak break githoo.

Tapi....seperti biasa, orang lelaki ni kenkadang boleh di diagnose dengan temporary Autism and one of its traits is selective hearing,ke..selective comprehension....sama aje lah kan? Of course they will think that just because you have agreed to go out with him and inadvertantly menjadik gilpren nya, that you must seek his permission to break away.

You cakap banyak kali pun....dianya akan masih tak reti bahasa....sampailah satu ketika they all tu dah penat tak pun dah ada barang baru, maka dia dengan suka relanya melepaskan dirinya dari perhubungan tu. More than often puak-puak ni...spiteful that they always have been akan katalah, elehhh....bukan aku yang nak dia sangat, dia tu yang terhegeh-hegeh kat I. Cittt!

Well.....tu kira bernasib baik lah. Buatnya dapat jantan yang tak makan saman (like they said...takleh nak menerima kenyataan) maka, he will keep harping on you.

There's plenty of cases like this. Majoritynya bila dah masuk sepital tu adalah kes-kes yang maha teruk sampai polis pun dah tatau nak buat apa and jalan mudah nak menyelamatkan orang pompuan tu dari mati dibunuh dek ex boipren psycho nya ialah di section kan saja mamat tu.

That Harvey Nick's girl, dengarnya dah report police...tapi jantan puaka memang pandai berlakon and convinced the system that he is no longer a threat. Hah kau...bila dia dilepas, dia balik kampung dia sekejap...dia beli pistol and sesampainya dia kat London, masa orang balik kerja perang, dia boleh masuk dalam counter tempat ex gilpren nya kerja...point the gun directly at her...and classically said....IF I CAN'T HAVE YOU, NO ONE ELSE WILL....pom!

It is very hard to speak or imagine why someone would go that far to prove their love. As much as we like to agree on them being mega selfish, lest we forget that a person will only commit the unthinkable if their feeling conquers all.

I remember this guy I used to counsel, kena tinggal dek bini...bila dengar pun kesian juga. Punyalah chenta nak mampus, last-last kasih berubah and although in the end, depa tu bercerai, this guy sank into very deep depression and in the end died.

Tu yang bangsa tak kacau orang. Yang takutnya ni, type-type yang tak boleh nak admit their relationship is over and mulalah start menggila. (although, I must say, ada gak pompuan-pompuan yang mental yang ada similar problem, tapi idok le seramai jantan...)

Well, as Kiah dah announced banyak kali dalam blog dia if satu hari nanti MG angkat kaki, pertumpahan darah sure akan berlaku kat Putrajaya, I hope the pertumpahan darah is not because she can't live without him.It is normal to wish and wanting to inflict pain on people who is hurting us...but if you have a moment to re think, satisfaction is not guaranteed to be a long term one.

So back to Pakcik. I imagine that the deceased wife is fofular...with her yang pernah berkahwin cerai, so she may not had taken him so seriously.Mind you, selalunya yang main bunuh-bunuh ni is not the ganas type, because kalau dapat laki yang kaki pukul, tak sempat bini nak mintak cerai sure tulang dah patah lapan.

Another type yang tak kaki bunuh, tapi kiranya dapat satisfaction juga bila dapat menyakitkan hati bekas bini, just because orang tu dah tak nak balik dengan kau. Adalah penyanyi fofular orang Pilah yang kahwin dengan flight attendant. Last-last bercerai juga...masa tu, I heran jugak kenapalah pompuan ni nak kawin dengan penyanyi yang tak hemsem ni.Tup tup, bercerai...

Punya dia nak sakit kan ati bini, dia kata..kalau you keluar rumah, anak you tak leh ambik. Ceh...nak ugut and emotional blackmail lah bini nya tu. But agaknya the ex wife dah memegang teguh konsep...agi idup agi ngelaban, maka dia pun tak heran dengan blackmail laki nya. So...penyanyi fofulerr ni jadik lah agi idup agi ngelabah pulak.

Tup-tup...after many years dah bercerai and the penyanyi fofulerrr dengar nya kejap ada kejap takde gilpren, si ex bini agaknya dah geram teruslah nak menyaman ex lakinya. You wonder why...after many years..tak kan tak habis lagi kot. So kaki gossip yang berkaliber telah pun mengkhabarkan kat I yang ghope-ghope nya, si penyanyi fofulerrr ni, masa masih laki bini ada beli harta, dianya yang pakai...tapi sama-sama bayar. Harta tu atas nama bini nya lah.What he did was, dia tak bayar pun hutang tu dan sekarang, kesian pompuan tu kena saman dengan Amanah Raya. Celaka betul kan????

So, kepada Pakcik yang baru kematian bini tu....pueh lah hati Pakcik sekarang kan????

Lagu-Lagu Chenta

Ada orang tanya...(dan sebagai menghormati permintaan mieww...ku tak mempublishkan soklan mu ittew) lagu-lagu dalam blog ni...adakah ianya lagu-lagu chenta Makji Esah dengan boipren? Kalau iya...apakah sinonim nya dengan jalan perchentaan Makji Esah? Hish..malu lah I nak cerita...tapi since you dah tanya...so inilah jawapan nya.

Me and him...well, me especially adalah peminat berani mati (masa tu laa...) kat kumpulan After 7 ni. So mana you all yang muda-muda, memanglah tak pernah dengar kumpulan ni...tapi ni lah dia lagu-lagu jaman I muda remaja dan hangat (taik ayam) berchenta. After 7 was one of the best, nak nak lagu Damn Thing Called Love. So, sebelum Pakcik tu mati...agaknya dalam pada dia mengaji dan membuat kerja-kerja amal yang lain, dia sempat lagi buat satu CD dedicated to me...untuk menyeksakan lagi hati dan perasaan ku ini...

So what you heard, is what we both likes. I like to think that we both are very musical people and got good taste (he does!) and everytime, being the thoughtful one, he'd always send songs to me. All that zaman Mp3. Shame that he never physically expressed himself like the songs he gave me...e.g. ready or not...I give you everything, and more....(takde nya more..ditinggal nya aku lagi ada)

When we separated the first time...mind you, we never really ended our relationship (and the engagement for that matter)...ye lah, orang dah nak kahwin lain, apa guna nya aku menunggu kan? Lagipun..masa dia bagi kad kawin dia tu, macam dia dah amnesia gilababi yang aku ni masih gilpren or fiancee nya. Nak nak pulak masa tu, keluar cover verson Flybaits by Ferhad, Kasih Berubah and maybe to his dismay, ku tujukan lagu tu untuknya. It words out my real feeling at that time especially....alangkah hancurnya hatiku, bila pulang dari rantau..terlihat kau bersama teman baru (huhuhu) bertahun lama berpisah, kiranya kau telah berubah janjimu hanya tinggal kenangan...hatiku menangis dengan seribu pertanyaan...mengapa oh mengapa??? (cewahhh....nangis sampai jatuh-jatuh atas lantai I masa ni you...)

Again...sebagai gadis sucheee cinta nan satu masa tu, or maybe I am just a sucker for punishment, I went out again with him yang on the verge (kata nya lah) nak jadi duda tapi last-last,he decided to do the right thing lah kononnya...nak be there for his unborn baby...and hatiku kuciwa lagi. Masa ni..I dedicate lagu Merenda Kasih kat dia. Alaaa...that Ruth Sahanaya song yang selalu keluar Asia Bagus masa tu (nampak benau aku dah tua githooo)

'dan bila kita memang harus berpisah, oh kekasihku...biarkan aku dengan cintaku dengan jalan ku, kan ku ukir manis kenangan kasih kita....'

Well, I'm sure you have read all this before, but here's the gist of my love story..yang in the end sungguh membuang masa.

Now that I am by myself, I do, still think about him. We spent most good times in the UK and I'm here...looking back and wonder....why, why, why?

There is a song that he dedicated to me, siap beli cassette lagi ni...and hantar masa Valentine's Day, tahun apa I pun dah tak ingat.That cassette must have cost him a lot of money dengan scholarship MARA masa tu..yelah, dia beli cassette tu dari Malaysia.

The song was so meaningful to me, and bila I ingat-ingat balik the lyric, rasa macam nak nangis...

Nak tahu lagu apa? Well...have a guess ye...

'kau menghitung segala hari...tanpa benci dan sakit hati...betapa teguh..bergetar bibir memanggil ku...'

N9.....Note # 1

Adakah saya gila tengok bola???? Err...boleh lah. Tengok pun takpe, tak tengok pun takpe.

My first and current exposure dengan football ni idokle baguih...sebabnya

1. When I was little,I was forcibly made the goalie by my brother yang nak menunjukkan kehebatannya menyepak goal macam Maradona. See...my eldest brother was and still is a bully. But that is a different story. Kalau nak cakap pasal perang dingin and ketidakpuasan hatiku dengan dia....tak tido petang pulak you all.

2. When I was little, my father, like father like his son...walaupun my father ni, bab bab perangai buruk my brother yang macam kuah tumpah kat nasik tu mmg dah sah-sah mirror image my father, idik le my father nak mengaku sebaliknya menyalahkan my mother jua adanya. Tu lah jantan kan??? Tak kira abang ke,bapak ke, laki ke..kalau yang baik tu, kredit nak pergi ke dia saja. Kita ni semua nya salah!!! Eh..meraban lak. My father dedolu kalau ada world cup ke, Piala Malaysia ke, apa aje piala orang main bola, maka...jangan haraplah kau nak tengok TV cerita lain. Tak cukup dengan mengonkerrr TV, janganlah kau berani melintas depan dia.Nasib baik umur kami-kami dalam rumah tu panjang lagi. Tu belum masuk early exposure kat ayat-ayat carut maruts yang ditujukan kat pemain-pemain bola. (What a cheek...boleh pulak dia tanya, bila kitorang start guna ayat maki...MANA KAU BELAJAR CAKAP MACAM NI????!!!! sambil merotan dan again, menyalahkan my poor mother)

3. My late ex. Sepanjang 8 ke 10 tahun berchenta tu...lokasi-lokasi paling romantik (phueekkkkk!!!!) ialah stadium bola.From Stadium Negara ke Old Trafford.Dating apa tu? Tapi demi chentaaaa....like what Francisca Peters said, kau tahu hatiku..kerana kasih ku bersabar selaluuu huhuhuu....

4. My current ex. Well, yang ni...I tak boleh nak komplen sangat sebab aku pun menggeletis jua nak tengok Thierry Henry,Walcot, Ashley Cole & Adebayor (before they become the traitor) yang jauhnya hanya 8 jengkal tu.F got us the bestest seat in Emirates and Highbury before and sebagai partner yang mithali (dan gatal) aku rela jua menapak ke Ashburton Grove ittew.(jelesss tak kau, Kobau?)

5. Sekarang. Kalau ada football live dalam TV, MB1 akan memegang remote TV dengan rakus nya, maka tak dapatlah we all nak tengok cerita lain.

So about football, last night the N9 team won. I took pleasure jadi unggun api kat Facebook. The last match I saw was the one in Shah Alam with Selangor dengan my siblings and they lost. But they have been the underdog.Walaupun idokle se glamer EPL ke La Liga, sebagai orang Paroi Jaya, saya mustikkkk menyokong N9 dan makcik yang menjual roti jalan kat stadium ittew.

I wonder if there's a domestic conflict between my sister and herKelantanese hubby, though I'm sure my sister don't give a shit abt football, but she sure like to inflict injury on his Kelantanese pride for fun, unless she is so mithali and adopted Kelantan in all with all her heart.

So, that is new and good for N9. They have installed the new Yamtuan (whats with the misai putih lah?), Isa Samad is back (not that I'm thoroughly keen) and now they win the football cup.

The only bad thing left is Khairy Jamaludin.Well, this is indeed a very unfair judgement from me, considering aku pun tak kenal dia, or know what sort of job he does. All I saw was his penchant for aggression display during majlis penamaan calon etc etc.

I think that is so weird though....he is standing up for Rembau, considering that he was never born and bred there. I think people will have more respect if he had came from Kampung Bongek or Penajis, and went to Datuk Sedia or Astana Raja school or paling buruk pun...berchenta dengan budak TKC kan, Kiah????

But...congrats lah ha....

Distress Call Di Malam Sabtu

Malam semalam I kena jaga Crisis Centre. Bencik tau buat kerja ni...nasib baik shift nya dalam 2,3 bulan sekali...ala-ala takde paksaan gittew, but mengenangkan yang I dah berbulan jugak tak buat the shift and takut nanti masa supervision Boss tanya, I pun agree lah...so, disamping main game dalam pesbuk, I pun merasa pose-pose telephonist Telekom tunggu panggilan. Selalunya kan, panggilan dari mereka-mereka yang berdiri tepi jematan,menunggu masa aje nak terjun...tapi boleh pulak bawak mobile phone telephone orang kan??? Gila!!!

This girl...called me about 2am last night...suara ala-ala high githoo..tataulah baru menutuh vodka ke or baru berasap weed, ala diawang-awangan githoo.Tengok-check-periksa nama, address, memang si pompuan ni ada receive treatment dengan Team sebelah Noth West London dahulukala (kesian..muda-muda dah gilsss) tapi sejak dia dah pindah rumah, dia ni qualify to get her service from us belah-belah Richmond Royal (sepital) ni.

Dia cakap dengan I...dia baru makan ubat PamPam nya....and instead of kena makan sebijik yang 100mg tu dia dah makan 5 bijik (yang dianya masih tak pengsan lagi apasal?) so katanya she is losing her sensation and will be in a right mind to do almost anything...(ni bongkak nak bagitahu you yang dia kiranya unstoppable lah ni)

So seperti biasa, I kenalah tanya soklan..like pukul berapa you makan ubat...you ada minum alcohol ke apa, etc etc. Obviously kenalah check jugak kalau beside the ubat, dia ada menambah lagi benda-benda lain that can cause adverse reaction to the tablets.Hah..confirmed mmg ada...dia minum neat vodka and dia ambik marijuana. (Tapi apasal dia tak passed out lagi ???)

Well, I actually rasa lega jugak...sebabnya dia ni bukannya berdiri atas jematan, or berdiri atas bukit tinggi or tengah memasang tali nak gantung diri. It is so obvious yang dia ni tengah terpeleot dan meghoyan but I thought, let her cakap on the phone for 5 minutes or so, kalau dia pengsan ke hapa, I boleh terus hantar ambulance nah? Kalau set-set yang disebut diatas, maka susahlah jugak..sebab selalunya orang yang nak bunuh diri ni suka menjerit and taknak mendengar cakap orang, satu kerja pulak aku nak bernaik-naik darah semua.

So bila makcik ni dah jawab semua soklan-soklan formality I, I pun start lah tanya...so you said you're in the right mind to do almost anything....what do you mean by that?

I want to end it.

People say things like that when they're very upset and disturb. Are you hearing voices? (Dah sejarahnya keluar dalam computer..dia ada bipolar)

No...I have medication for that.

And you are upset about something? (ni marah dah ni, tapi suara kontrol ayu gitteww)

Why do you care? (hek eleh..ko yang telepon aku...)

Miss XYZ, if you're thinking of ending it, of course we care. That is why we are called the helpline. Please tell us, or if you want, I can arrange a Nurse to visit you in the morning.

My boyfriend is sleeping with another man....

When did you discover this?

Forever.

You knew he is bisexual? May I use that term to describe your boyfriend's sexuality?

You can call him fuck whatever you want to call it (ishh..nasib baik dia gilss..kalo tak, mahu je aku warning dia jgn mencarut)

Is that why you're upset?

You think?

Well, it is hard to tell. You can either be upset with him or yourself. You said you'd known about it forever, so I'm assuming you can't be upset with him fo that.

What can I do? (start dahhhhh nangis...) I can't handle this...(nampak sangat menipu nya bab makan ubat sampai 5 bijik tu..pasal dia tak pengsan2 lagi)

I don't know what you want me to say, after all you already know the truth. If you partner is bisexual,there will always be something you can't give him.

But I love him.

You think he feel the same?

We're living together...

Realistically, he can't be loyal to you. Cheating is cheating, no matter who it's with. Would you have stayed if it's another woman?

No.

It is your decision now Miss. Either way, it is upsetting but look what it is doing to you now.If you love him strong enough to accept his other sexual preference then I guess it will be ok.You have to ask if he loves the other man more than you.It can only be the sex thing, but you must ask, it it's you or the other man. Only ask this if you think your relationship is worth saving...like I said, cheating is cheating.

But I love him. He comes home to me.

I gather all this is not enough...since you're very upset. He will still come home if he thinks you're OK with it. Most bisexual men has home with a women. They need to feel normal in a sense.I'm afraid for now, you are his only reason to feel normal.I'm not sure Miss, it is hard to say.

So you think I'm better off dumping him?

You have to put you first. It's tough with bisexual partners, since every man and woman is a potential competition.It seems to me that you're in a committed relationship since he lives with you.But again, weigh your feeling first.I'm afraid to stay happy, you have got to make a decision desirable to you.

Ohh....I don't know....

Can I refer you to somebody more experience in this? Maybe you and your partner can attend counselling together?

Ohh..he'll fucked! He is not going to talk about it.

Well, maybe it is embarassing to talk about something you don't want to admit. Anyway..how are you feeling now? Can I get someone to come and see you? Do you need a doctor?

Can you call and check on me again in 15 minutes?

Okay..I'll do that. I have to ask you if you can...since you're on the medication, please refrain from smoking cannabis. Give it a gap.

I'll try.


**************************************So Makji pun letak tepon. After 15 minutes, I call dia tak jawab, so I pun panggil paramedic. Mintak-mintak dia tak mati overdose***********

Pengakuan Jujur.....

Soklan :- Kenapa Saya Tidak Mengangkat Telephone Sokmo

Jawapan
Saya adalah pekerja Kerajaan setempat. Saya bekerja dalam department khidmat masyarakat dimana sepanjang masa saya adalah bersama masyarakat. Masyarakat ini selalunya adalah masyarakat yang terpeleot kepala nya. Sebagai pekerja, kami sejak awal lagi telah menandatangani polisi telefon peribadi dimana, dimasa bekerja, kami adalah dinasihati supaya tidak menganggu ketenteraman awam dengan menjawab panggilan peribadi.

Saya senantiasa berada disamping orang-orang paranoid dimana, kalau telephone saya berbunyi, maka mereka pikir saya adalah menerima panggilan dari polis untuk menangkap mereka. Mereka juga sellau pikir saya bercerita hal-hal mereka kepada orang yang saya borak dalam telephone ittew. Pernah terjadi pada colleague saya, telephone nya berbunyi...dan masa tu pulak dia sedang berurusan dengan pesakitnya. Tahu apa jadi? Telefon colleague saya itu dirampas dengan penuh perasaan dan colleague saya pula telah dibaling dengan telepon itu dengan penuh perasaan jua. Berjahit kepala colleague saya.

Saya akui...saya jarang nak menghubungi orang yang me misscalled kan saya. Bukannya apa...kadang-kadang kepala saya adakalanya terpeleot jua. Macam mana saya nak ber friendly-friendly dengan kengkawan selepas saya kena maki ' get the fuck out of here'. Saya memerlukan masa yang lama jugak untuk menyejukkan hati. Bila hati saya dah sejuk...hari pulak dah malam. Tak kan saya nak mengacau laki bini orang memalam buta pulak kan????

Perlu dingat juga yang sepanjang masa, saya adalah travelling dalam keretapi. Sekarang ni, dalam keretapi dah ada quiet zone, yakni takleh pakai telepon. So, sebelum saya kena saman dan dapat criminal record, baik saya silent kan aje phone saya.

Saya juga adalah amat pekak kerana ber Ipod sepanjang masa. Bila dah pekak dek Ipod, apa yang nak dengarnya telephone berbunyi?

If there's any consolation....bukan kawan-kawan saja saya tak call or tak angkat call....makpak adik-adik saya pun begitu jua. Salah satu punca nya saya berpisah dengan orang ialah kerana ini juga...yakni, saya kurang berkomominikasi.

Tapi..apa kan daya......dah sejak azali saya bukan Ratu Brok Brek.

Soklan :- Why don't you reply my text???

Jawapan
Kepada Cik Kiah yang dichentahi....telepon ku ittew company yang bayar. Nak mampus kena gross misconduct pakai phone for personal use????! Nantilah next year aku tukar ke Iphone, kita message Facebook aje lah nak?

*******************************************************************

Saya sedar, hidup ini..kita memerlukan kawan-kawan. Saya juga memerlukan kawan-kawan. Oleh itu, oleh kerna kawan saya yang sorang itu nak berams ke Deutchland sinun, maka...saya dengan ini akan cuba menjadi kawan yang baik kepada Makji Eton dan mengeratkan silaturrahim kami di UK ini. So, bilanya nak datang London ni???????

Kepada kawan yang dah ada kereta kat seberang tu, tak gheti-gheti ke nak naik Seafrance ke bagai masuk ke sini? (Boleh ke kau tolong beli rokok sekali???)

Kepada kawan yang dari dulu sampai sekarang ni tak cukup2 duit hasil curian duit laki, sila tingkatkan productivity mu dengan memasukkan ubat tidur dalam kopi nya. Maka, ada waktu kecederaan lagi untuk kau mencuri.

Kepada Kiah....you might see me first in the beginning of the year. Takde request from Lorat Asli ke? Ke kau nak Becotide? I kat sini dapat free aje benda tu.

Dan....saya pun amat marah

Am I a conform feminist? Bolehla sikit-sikit...

When my friend asked (tak tau le tanya sebab genuinely nak tahu ke..or meng offer diri, hak yang jejantannya...nak menjadi penderma pulak) you tak teringin ke nak beranak, sebab kununnya I ni mesra dengan budak-budak (ish...tetipu betul, depa taktahu, habis bebudak tu ku sebat dengan dengan suratkhabar bila makpak diorang tak nampak) I will say...eh, kalau I ada anak, sure berderet Social Worker akan menunggu depan rumah I, nak hambik budak-budak tu masuk care, speaking of which...Wawa, nanti Acik datang jemput Wawa ye..sian wawa kena kurung dalam bakul...isk!

Genuinely, I strongly believe that kalau lah I akan beranak suatu hari nanti (sebelum tempoh expired) biarlah masa tu I pun dah in a strong and concrete relationship with the father. Bukannya apa...I still feel that it is important for a child to grow in the presence of his/her parents i.e. serumah lah. The first 10 years in a child life is so important...and kalau sesiapa yang ada anak tu, kalau boleh masa umur budak camnilah, kalau le you all nak bunuh pun laki/bini you all tu, bunuhlah tak depan they all, boleh? Budak2 ingat wooo....and they shall decide who they dislikes the most.

I am so against domestic violence or any MCP activities. Being a woman is not easy. We undertake, sometimes unwillingly so many responsibilities. Anak jahat pun, kaum ibu gak yang kena salah kan? Adik jahat, kakak yang kena marah...kereta rosak..'ni mak kau lah ni..'. Sijantan tak habis-habis nak menyalahkan pompuan aje. Bila laki panas baran macam Hattan (ni kata bini nya lah) kita pompuan disarankan or diminta bersabar. Ye lah. Kita aje lah yang kena bersabar kan...alangkah baik nya kalau bini-bini yang berlakikan laki panas baran ni dihantar ke kursus mempertahankan diri, supaya kita dapat mengajar secara fizikal laki kita yang ada hati nak jadi Mike Tyson & Jackie Chan tu.

Dalam Islam katanya kita kenalah menghormati isteri dan ibu, and all that the women had gone through memboyot 9 bulan, tidur malam siang pun tak senang. Surely, you would expect the religious one will have different attitude against the woman (walaupun Abuya Arqam tu mati-mati depa kena kawin lebih pasal nak selamatkan wanita..cesss) and at least lah nak menunjukkan contoh yang baik kepada jantan-jantan puaka yang yang lain....

I saw the picture above from a friend's FB page. We don't support any political parties. I don't, although from time to time, I do enjoy clean discussions. PAS insisted that they are the religious one and strive to turn Malaysia into Islamic Country. Complete disregard with the motto in Islam where 'agama tu tak boleh dipaksa'. DAP is just being DAP...bangkang for the sake of jadi pembangkang. Ye lah..kang semua orang dok angguk-angguk, takde yang bangkang, susah pulak kan? UMNO? Orang yang sekarang kuat dalam PKR pun asalnya dari UMNO jugak...so PKR is another branch of UMNO only the disgruntled ones.So, what is the difference? Yilekkk!!!

I can understand how people can passionately feels about politics and their rights. But how on earth them men carrying the banner expect people to take them seriously when profanities are used? How dare they use the P word?

Why can't they use their own sexual organ as protest reference? Tak kesian kah mereka-mereka ni kat mak-mak mereka? Lupakah mereka dari mana mereka ni keluar? (well, those yang keluar ikut tingkap tu may beg to differ lah ye...)

Of all people, kenapa MAK? Tak hormat kah kau kat mak kau..bahlol????

PAS, and now UMNO men seems to be in a habit to use this word, since Shahnon Ahmad lagi...boleh ke kita mencarut dalam Islam? Demi agama? Well, if they can sumpah seranah orang dalam mesjid, caruts maruts ni kira kotak mancis aje lah kan?

Where's the Sisters In Islam in all this? Mana nya Menteri Wanita etc etc?

Ish...ish..ish.....(maka saya bukan lagi Orang Kuala Kangsor)

S.A.D.

Musim musim tak tentu sejuk dan panas ni, ramai betul yang mengalami

a) Kepeleotan kepala hotak yang serius
b) Panas Dinginnya Badan ku
c) Kucari jacket tebal yang hilang (rhyme with lagu Syed Sobrie...Ku Cari Cinta Yang Hilang)
d) Onset Alzheimer
e) Kemurungan sekejap-sekejap

It is a fact that in my workplace, ramai pesakit-pesakit (dan jua ahli keluarga mereka) akan menjadi gila lebih dari biasa. Tak tahu le apsal...tapi expert kata weather condition can affect people emotional wellbeing. Macam kita la..cuba kalau terlebih panas ke, kan ke hati kita macam mudah terbakar githooo? Jangan kata hati mudah terbakar, kita pun kenkadang ada rasa nak bakar kepala orang kan?????? Masa I sedang bercanda dipasiran Kampung Subang makan seafood, adalah patient kat unit tempat I kerja ni menunjukkan perubahan-perubahan tak positive, stubborn and cocky nya lain macam.Pulak tu selalu refuse bila orang bagi ubat. Pada satu hari tah hapalah anginnya, dia telah mengamuk dan terpaksa di restrain oleh one of my colleague ni. Akibatnya...lebam lah tangan si patient tu. Kerja I ni...kalau orang mati dalam your care pun you salah, orang terlampau jahat dalam your care pun, you akan salah juga. Kalau ada orang mati..family akan kata, kita tak jaga dia betul-betul lah..pasal tu dia matai. Hah..mulalah nak saman, nak tulis surat kat surat khabar..demand orang tu orang ni resign.. Kalau orang terlampau jahat pun, kita-kita jugak nak kena komplen..kata kita tak pandai jaga lah..salah teknik lah sampai orang tu jadi jahat. Idok ke family-family dia ni tahu yang kalau yang afrit tu memang dah macam setan sejak azali. So, takde kena mengena nya dengan kitorang salah jaga. So, kalaulah kitorang ni teruk sangat..apasal kau tak hambik aje adik beradik kau tu bawak balik and jaga sendiri????!!!!

So, semenjak I masuk kerja minggu lepas, I keep getting phone call from kakak nya si gila ni. Well, seriously, brain defects must run in the family kan???? Kakak nya every time telepon, ugut kata nak buat report sampai kami-kami kat unit ni akan kena buang kerja lah...want to take us to the cleaners lah (of which, nak aje aku cakap kat omputih bahlol tu...well, you're using that in a wrong context...hapa nya yang nak take us to the cleaners? Dah adik kau gila sejak lahir, aku pulak nak di take nya to the cleaners) So, kira campur bahagi tolak..dah 2 minggu jugak lah I dok layan aje bila dia menghoyan tu (ingat ye Cik Undang Ghombau...takde untungnya bergaduh dengan orang gila) Everytime dia tepon..I kasi dia cakap apa yang dia nak cakap and sampai habis, I tanya..okay..ada apa-apa lagi ke? Dah puas hati dia meghoyan...baru dia letak telepon. Hari ni tadi.....okay, here's the trick ye. Bila orang dah selalu sangat expose kekuatan dia kat you and you diam-diam dan perati...you akan perasan kelemahan dia juga. So, pengalaman saya sebagai Law school student, saya juga telah dilatih untuk mengumpul fakta, bukti dan mengumpul kekuatan untuk menjawab berdasarkan fakta dan bukti. So, hari ni tadi..ditambah dengan malam semalam saya tak cukup tido dan ehemmm...saya datang bulan, bila dia start membuka mulut dan cuba mengondem department saya, saya dengan cool nya jawab...hey kau dengar sini...........

Saya persembah kan pada nya undang-undang civil dimana saya sebagai kakitangan tempat saya bekerja adalah tidak boleh di abuse dengan kata-kata kesat. Saya juga adalah citizen yang dilindungi oleh undang-undang dimana, saya tidak boleh ditakut kan dan diugut sesedap rasa. Dan saya pun berkata, macam ni lah Cik..dari minggu lepas Cik dok cakap Cik nak buat tu ini kat saya...apa kata, saya telephone telecom provider saya dan minta mereka berikan saya rakaman perbualan telephone saya dengan Cik dari minggu lepas dimana Cik tak berenti-renti ugut saya, dan saya akan buat official komplen terhadap Cik dan saya juga secara peribadi akan menghubungi pak polisi. (isk..saya tipu sebenarnya...sebenarnya panggilan telephone tidak dirakam..tapi sebab dia bodoh, apa yang dia tahu???) Terus dia diam. Pastu saya dengan jahatnya lagi cakap kat dia..Cik misti ingat ya...adik Cik ni tinggal berkongsi dengan orang lain yang juga boleh membuat komplen terhadap Cik dan family Cik. So, jangan salahkan saya kalau diorang ni report polis dan adik Cik kena masuk lokap besok???

Terus dia tak telepon lagi....(meh kita nyanyi lagu Alleycats....jangan talipon lagi..Leha tak boleh pergi....)

**************

Dua tiga menjak ni...kalau bangun pagi.....I rasa nak demam. Badan macam panas pun ada, sejuk pun ada. Tapi bila bukak Facebook main game...badan boleh okay pulak dan haruslah kena kerja. Ishhhhhh.......


**************

Semenjak pindah ke rumah baru ni....banyak betul benbarang I yang dah ghaib dari pandangan. I suspek si MB1 (sebabnya dia bukannya suka sangat dengan taste-taste I dalam T-shirt ke, jacket ke) yang dah masukkan semua barang-barang I dalam beg plestik hitam dan secara senyap nya hantar pi charity shop. Hari makin lama makin sejuk...mana poei nya jacket-jacket kieewwwww ittewwww????


**********************

Semalam adalah hari hantu sedunia kat sini. Saya telah dijemput menghadiri party menjadi hantu. I thought I should amke a bit of effort, so I pergilah beli topi kaler hitam macam kon tepi jalan tu. Nak dijadikan cerita.....hari jemahat lepas I ada CPA (Care Plan Approach) meeting. I punya confident CPA meeting dan Halloween party adalah benda yang sama. Aku datang meeting pakai topi hantu, boleh? Maluuuuuuu I. Boss tanya I..you okay ke? I cakap, I kena early onset Alzheimer. (By the way...I menyampah gila kat Boss I si CPB tu sekarang...kerna masa I tengah chotti, boleh dia kasi aku warning letter pasal tak respond email? So, siapa yang Alzheimer...aku ke dia?)

***************

Semenjak balik ni, I must have been affected by SAD (seasonal affected disorder) I dah rasa makin fed up pulak. Mula-mula Boss bagi surat warning (pastu, boleh dia terkedek-kedek telepon aku, tanya how was my holiday?) Pastu pulak masalah dengan Cik Kakak Gila tu...often I wonder, apa makna nya kerja ku ini? Mana terima kasih nya? Apa future nya? Berapa lama lagi aku harus menghadap orang orang yang agaknya..dah tuhan jadikan gila, sebab hidup pun nyusahkan orang. Boss kecik tanya I...you tak nak ambik professional course ke? Ye lah, kalau I ada specialist qualification, maka boleh jadi atas sikit dari sekarang ni..takyah sesusah menyakitkan hati berurusan dengan orang gila...kalau I dah jadi specialist, I boleh decide aje mana nak humbankan orang-orang ni. Tapi...larat ke I nak belajar lagi? I was looking at University punya prosprectus...mak datuk, 3 tahun full time nya. Otak dah berkarat...kudrat? Kudrat main game ada lah...hish! Kalau takde perubahan, Social Work lah aku sampai pencen dan nak membuat perubahan, kena pulak buat pengorbanan yang maha besar i.e. belajar sepenuh masa, cari finance nak tampung college fee and bayar mortgage...wah! Ditelah mati mak, diluah mati bapak..dimuntah, diri sendiri pulak mati..aiyaaaaa!!!!

Update

The Film Director & The Actress
Reading majalah and suratkhabar Malaysia, is like listening to this big huge verbal gossip. I do wonder where the reporter is being trained.

Bila orang tu tak suka orang ini....orang itu akan mengadu kat reporter. And some reporter thinking that kerja mereka tu adalah sama macam kerja facilitator dan Dewan Speaker Undangan Dewan Negeri, maka mereka pun menggunakan info yang orang bagi tahu kat diorang tu, untuk pergi menanya pulak kat sepuak lagi tu. Kesudahnya...orang makin bergaduh besar lagi ada....

The industry is so small that orang-orang yang didalamnya kadang-kadang tak tahu what info should go out and what not publicly. Orang ni tak nak berlakon drama dia, walaupun baru janji-janji mulut gittew, puak yang kena reject mulalah menghoyan pi cerita kat orang. Bagitahu kat reporter, a'ah..situ itu tu dah tarik diri dari pilim saya. Takpelah...memang takde rezeki. Saya kenalah menghormati keputusan dia dan bersikap professional (well, if this finished at this takpe you all...) Apa?? Dia ingat dia famous sangat ke nak demand besar-besar? Kalau dia tak nak, satu pergi seribu mari....(ish..ish..ish. Part manalah yang menghormati keputusan orang dan berlaku professional tu?)

Yang si reporter ni..dah le kau tu pi mencucuk sarang tebuan...pastu yang dia-dia nya pun pi jadi tebuan kat si artis yang kononnya demanding ni. So yang si artis yang dah kena kata ni mulalah bagi statement, biarlah saya menegakkan kebenaran soksek soksek...dah! Keluar lagi benda yang sepatutnya jadi rahsia antara dua orang. And satu Malaya dah baca news yang awak berdua ni dah gaduh.

So, why haven't they learned? You open your mouth so much...kesudahnya dua-dua nampak macam meghoyan!!!! Orang baca pun nak gelak.

See....kalau orang tak nak berlakon dengan you after sign contract....sue ajelah. Details takyah pi cerita kat reporter kepochi tu...pi tunjuk kat lawyer and judge. And kalau orang tolak offer you without any agreement sign, cari orang lain ajelah..takyah lah nak pi cerita kat orang, sampai kawan tu dapat nama buruk. Keep your opinion to yourself lah...lagipun....nak kata pelakon Malaya tu semua pemes...ada ke? Baru kutip juta-juta dah nak gaduh kan?

The Actress & Her Dream
Errr...selepas saya menolak tawaran kakak pengarah yang suka meghoyan ittew, saya terus termimpi pompuan belanda tu. Agaknya, sipompuan belanda itu sedih saya telah menolak untuk berlakon sebagainya. Sungguh kuat spirits pompuan ittew....

Lehhh..kau bangang ke apa? Kalau dah kau stress bagai bergaduh pasal benda tu, tak ke benda tu linger dalam pala hotak kau? Pasal tu lah kau mimpi bongok oi..bukannya sebab spirit pompuan tu sedih kau tak nak berlakon.

And..trust that she tell this to some reporter and the reporter wrote...agaknya you tido tak cuci kaki..hikhikhik...

For Kiah To Read

First....when you met someone, special enough to be called a boipren, you would expect lah perhubungan tu akan sampai ke jinjang pelamin...disamping bolehlah menayang kat mana-mana suara sumbang yang menentang jerat perchintaan you tu.

But...tak semua yang kita nak tu, kita akan dapat kan, Kiah??????

I think dalam 20 kawan sekolah I..(punyalah tak fofulerr, duaploh je kawan aku Kiah oiii) maybe 2,3 married their first love gittew. Ada pulak yang cinta monyet dengan orang lain, cinta gorilla dengan orang lain and lastly kawin dengan orang hutan (specis mamalia berbulu ini semua berasal dari sekolah sebelah jalan keretapi kat Beseri tu ye...)

Let's don't beat around the bushes...so I am writing this for Kiah. Semasa kami berpoya-poya an kat KL tu hari, Kiah sempat jugak le menunjukkan guilty pleasure nya yang baru...berupa her new found 'friend' kat pesbuk.

Walaupun I tak berapa berkenan jugaklah dengan keputusan Kiah yang telah memberi ruang kepada beruang tu kembali menghuni friendlist facebooknya, sebagai seorang kawan yang amat memahami gejolak-gejolak hati seorang kekasih lama....I pun menumpang tengok ajelah gambar orang tu kat FB page nya.

So when Kiah updated her blog today, I seperti biasa dan memakan gaji buta kat opis, try to understand what she was saying about being friend with your exes etc,etc by trodding through her walls reading the comments made by this 'new' old friend of hers.

I think...unless you're so openminded that none of any bad taste in your mouth matters to you, maybe you can be friends with your exes. But please, before announcing that you are 'friends' with your ex, please define how friendly you expect him or you o be with each others.

I don't know anyone who is 'that' friendly with their exes...or even making a point to be part of their exes life, by voluntarily involve themselves in their exes banters with friends and what is worst, turning all the attention to him/herself. Memang macam cilaka!

Honest truth ni, I am friends with my ex in FB. Okay, okay...aku yang mencari dia and I think maybe after give it some thought, orang to accepted my friend request. I pun tak tahu kenapa I nak add dia, I suppose it is good to keep in touch lah kan, Aking kan? Walaupun hati bagai digaru-garu nak tahu apa perkembangan terbaru dia sekarang.

Kesimpulannya Kiah...we normal people (ni nak kompang kat kau tu yang siamang kau tu tak normal) will find it hard to be friends with someone who was once is no stranger to our bedlinen...eh...personal space.

Masa bercinta kan ke dah jadi kawan? So things didn't work out and one of us had to backed out, for whatever reasons...enough to say, that they no longer want you be their friends.So why bother menjejak kasih????

There's obviously...in cases like this i.e. bekas kekasih tetiba or sesuka nak menjadi kawan kepada kita ada agenda nya. Consciously maybe ada unfinished business lah...especially kes-kes guilty conscience (macam my ex), tak pun hati maseh chenta tapi dek terlarang, suffice dengan hanya dapat orang tu sebagai kawan aje...or, bekas pakwe/makwe kita tu memang hati busuk ber attitude problem yang dari dulu sampai sekarang perangai buruknya bukan setakat menyusahkan hidup you, malah hidup orang lain jua.

So Kiah.....kalau macam gitu lah perangainya si siamang mu, count your blessing lah kau bukan janda anak satu sekarang ni. I wonder what Ustazah Munah has to say before...idok ke dia menentang perhubungan kau dengan siamang ni, or ada wujudnya propaganda mem bad mouth siamang...dan kau pulak masa tu sungguh mabuk dan karam dilautan chenta, tak kau hiraukan nasihat kengkawan?

What he was to you was a bully and he will continue to intimidate you as long as you allow him to be.

So.......I can't help myself to have a nose around and making some comment, but Kiah...remove him from your list.

Monday Story

Sepagi buta....I dapat phone call mengatakan yang one of my patient tak ada dalam biliknya bila time makan ubat. Sakit betul hati I dengar...dalam banyak-banyak menda yang dia boleh buat, boleh dia pilih nak lari dari rumah pukul 5 pagi?

I cakap dengan my colleague, alah..tak payah cari lah..nanti kalau dia lapar, dia balik lah (ish...macam style budak2 aje kan?) Tapi buatnya dia ada relapse dan terjun Sungai Thames, cemana hah? I pun cakap dengan my colleague, bagi dia sampai pukul 12 tengahari, and alau takde berita, terus call police aje. Si Makcik ni...kalau stress suka lari dari rumah. Tapi selalunya tak lama, dalam 2,3 jam tu dia balik lah. Because she is Autistic, once she ran out of plan of places to go, she will balik rumah. Boleh kau lari rumah macam tu?

Tetiba dalam pukul 8 camtu, Makcik ni telepon opis, nak cakap dengan I katanya. I pun tanyalah, you kat mana ni? Kenapa you keluar rumah? Makcik kata, dia sedih...pasal tu dia lari. I tanya dia kat mana...so dia describe nama jalan, nama building..enough info for me to set out to look for her.

To cut the story short, dia dah sampai rumah, dah mandi dah makan semua, I tanyalah...apasal lah yang you sedih sangat sampai you lari dari rumah ni?

Katanya, dia sedih sebab Danyl Johnson, X-Factor tu jatuh ke bottom two. I reminded her that he has survived the public vote, tapi katanya she can't bear to see him losing that night and that he was sad.

Well, to you yang tak tahu X-Factor tu hapa, kiraya macam Akademi Fantasia lah gitu...where the selected auditionees was kept together in a boot camp style to be trained to perform live, and will advance on later stages of the competition provided they got the highest vote.

Nak kata I minat sangat tu, tidak lah...tapi kalau ada masa, I tengok lah jugak. Danyl Johnson is one of the contestant...tapi tak hapa silapnya, malam semalam, tak banyak pulak orang vote dia and he was almost on his way out.

Well, walaupun orang ini gigih mempromo supaya kita semua vote si Danyl Johnson ni, I pulak menyampah gila kat jantan ni and I think his attitude earned him the bottom two result. Padan muka mung, Danyl Johnson oiii!!!!

Lest we forget...X-Factor, alike Akademi Fantasia and all those talent search competition, the winner needs public votes to win. Like it or lump it.So, in another way of telling, you need people to like you in order for you to last longer where you at.

So, talent search program berprinsip mata duitan-telephone votes ni, idok le macam Bintang RTM gittew yang juara-juara nya dipilih berdasarkan talent semata-mata (see, Kak Melah masa tu tak berapa lawa kan? Tapi menang jua...eh, ye ke Kak Melah juara Bintan RTM ke Muzik-Muzik?)

When you want people to like you...you must first have a likeable factor. Si Danyl Johnson ni...rupa bolehlah tahan hensem nya and his audition was vavavoom gittewww.

Tapi yang tak larat nya........

Suffice say....kau tu menang pun belum tentu, nak tunggu vote orang jugak nak lepas every week...tapi boleh everytime bila nyanyi berfeeling-feeling Robbie Williams & Tom Jones yang sudah tentulah fofuler nya tu.

Some say, he has confidence....that for some reason come across arrogant.He should learn that wanting to be like requires an investment of modesty.Ye lah..kita semua tahu awak tu pandai nyanyi...so tak payah lah perasan macam X-Factor tu kau punya private concert pulak ye.

Remember Leona Lewis. Laaagi pandai nyanyi dan tengoklah betapa down to earth nya dia, so orang pun naik kesian jugak terus vote bertubi-tubi kan?

Or do we think Makcik-Pakcik, adik akak semua akan AF undi Mawi kalau Mawi buat show macam Melissa Indot? Pirrrrahhh!!!!

****Of course lah I tak cakap macam ni dengan my patient tu, of course lah dianya akan lagi stress and lari dari rumah lagi. I pun berlakon lah jugak, macam bersimpati lah kononnya..padahal I punyalah macam nak nangis Miss Frank kena keluar****

So dengan ini..saya menyokong DBI, iaitu menyokong Stacy Solomong.

Update

Bila blogspot dah okay..internet pulak macam lahanat kan?????

2 malam internet rumah kieww macam biskut chipsmore and selepas therapy session dengan Abg BT cawangan slumdog (geez...why lah all the call centre kat UK ni semua pergi kat seberang Asia sinun???) maka wireless setting ku dapat direstore dengan jaya nya. Menurut abang slumdog ittew...broadband hub I banyak sangat gangguan. Mana tak nya, yang aku pi letak menda tu sebelah TV dengan Hifi buat apa? (mana lah I tahu yang kan?????)

See...the trip back to KL ended with a bang. Thanks to pesbuk, ramai betul kengkawan yang dh keep in touch. I am surprised why some people bothered really...since masa sekolah pun bercakap dengan I pun taknak. Ni musti semuanya gila carta...add kawan, janji kenal..janji ramai kawan dalam pesbuk kan, Kiah?

I have always openly admitted that I am such a bad judge at character. So one must not assume that just because I deal with human behaviour day in and day out, I know what is coming my way. We never really like to admit this ourselves but we someone have the tendency to put on different facade, depending on the level of anxiety. Well, it is not a bad thing pun...cuma yang jadi teruknya bila digunakan terlebih-lebih pulak.

Majority makcik-makcik...yang I dah lama tak jumpa pun...openly volunteered masalah-masalah dengan laki masing-masing.

Yang hak single-single tu pulak....dalam pada cakap kat kita yang kununnya dah fed up ditanya soklan-soklan cepumas (rimasss gittewww) tapi masih ber Zaiton Sameon mengharap Brad Pitt jatuh diriba.

Mana yang (kununnn nya) happily married....blissfully cerita hal anak-anak masing-masing...the joy of memuaskan hati anak dan laki dengan pengorbanan they all...(ish...isn't this really telling yang they all tu sesungguhnya fed up ya amat had to do everything ALONE!!!)

Bila I dengar masalah laki bini, rasa kesian pun ada. Ye lah, masa bercinta and baru-baru kahwin....semuanya wangi belaka.When are we going to learn? When they want us to be theirs, they will spin any yarn necessary to seal the deal.I feel like telling...daripada you all ni datang open house rumah orang cerita hal laki you yang baik sikit aje dari kerbau balau tu....let's just start to appreciate something positive about them. First...dek kerna kewujudan dia, you berlaki. Dapatlah anak sorang dua (tak pun 3,4,5) so, you are practically saved from menjadi bahan gossip Kampung Jiboi & Kampung Bongek. You have got to admire your husband for his determination when acquiring you....bulan bintang...tiada yang lain but you aje. He got what he wants, didn't he? And you? Seperti biasa kita orang pompuan ni...macam biasa, kalau kereta rosak, kalau mekanik kata kena tukar semua, kita akan percaya bulat-bulat!

Let just agree on....we can't change him..or, expect him to change when we didn't tell him what we like him to be. Men don't do telepathy...and they like to assume that you are okay and highly understanding of their special needs.Understand this...if they don't need to, they will not watch you. 1 in 100 (or more) will worry and notice that their wives has change in her ways. They will ask, and we women is oblige to tell, because we know what we want and what we don't want.

So, if you don't intend to change the situation....stop moaning.Kita pergi open house nak makan roti jala dengan meehon goreng ye, bukan nak dengar kau meghoyan pasal laki kau. Kalau tak tahan sangat...cakap dengan laki kita baik-baik...kalau dia rasa he is the last King of Scotland i.e. Idi Amin, maka...blah lah sebelum King Of Scotland menjadi King Of Zimbabwe.

Kepada anak-anak dara yang tak berapa tua....what can I say. Memang dah lumrah orang akan bertanya....speaking of which, ni dah tahun 2009, takkan lah kita tak belajar lagi cara-cara nak ber komunikasi. Let's just have the last laugh....biarlah orang nak cakap apa. Senyum-senyum aje lah. Tak payahlah nak jadi defensive. One minute you said..you don't give a damn...marah-marah pulak bila ada orang nak match make. Seconds after...you announced that you tu ramai lak boipren tak tau nak pilih yang mana satu. After that...you cakap pulak that you're in a hurry to berlaki sebab parents dah bising. Pastu, boleh bongkak lagi pulak cakap...I want this, this,this in a man....

Laaa....dah le reramai boipren you tu (kata you lah kan?) takde pun memasing nya in a hurry nak datang pinang you pun, ada hati nak demand besar-besar lagi? Memanglah kita mesti menjadi penapis santan, tapi tengoklah diri kita jugak....(kalau Angelina Jolie tak pe lah jugak kan?)

Cheerio....

p/s : DR, kesian kan...bini apek yang kena 'hantam' tu lepas dia syiok dgn body mu yang gebbiewww ittewww???

Makji Mintak Mahap You All.......

Ish...cemana nak start ye?

Entah-entah agaknya, adalah hardcore-hardcore reader blog I yang cam tak sememeh ni yang dah buat sembahyang hajat....(ceh....perasan tahap 1)

Tak pun...kawan-kawan puaka, menyumpah tahap gahab kebangangan I pi meng experiment setting blogspot ni...maka, sumpahan you all tu menjadi rahmat menyembuhkan amnesia kiewww ini....(ni, boleh kira unsur perasan ke ni?)

Or semestinya, kawan-kawannya yang baik hati...terutamanya yang rajin semayang dalam opis dah membaca doa mintak penerang hati and kepala hotak I....(ceh lagi...)

Ceritanya macam ni...(kalaulah you all nak tahu)

Sebelum balik ke LHR that day, I sepanjang malam tak tidur sebab kononnya nak adjust pala hotak so that I can go back to sleep in the UK time. So demi nak menahan mata, I pun godak-godaklah blogspot I. Masuk blog orang tengok layout lawa-lawa, so I pun nak gak merasa ada blog lawa-lawa (tapi nak membuatnya tak reti) so dalam pada I nak mengemaskinikan my blog tu, I thought that temporarily restricting other people's access is the clever thing to do...yelah..mana ada construction site yang chantekkk kan? So kiranya taknak lah orang lain tengok masa I nak redecorate blog I ni. Tah macam mana, tangan pulak gatal rasa macam nak tukar password baru, so I thought, I nak lah standardise kan semua password..maklumlah, I ni dah tua, lemak pun dah banyak naik keliling otak, so nanti terlampau banyak password lain-lain, susah pulak nak ingat kan?

So, godak punya godak..dah nak dekat pukul 4 pagi tu, still blog tetap tak lawa..I decided to stop godak'ing my blog to get ready for KLIA. So, logout lah.

Sesampainya ku ditanah tumpah titik peluh ku...bila ku nak masuk...keluar message...this blog is for invited reader ke hapa. So I masuk blogspot...type in apa-apa yang patut, tup-tup..password tak betul. Segala macam clue ku dah taruk....habis segala nama ex boipren, ex gilpren ku coba...nombor itu, nombor ini....punnnnnn tak jalan.

Seperti biasa...dapatlah serangan-serangan bom berani mati kat pesbuk.I pun dah hilang akal nak buat apa..so, if that ther end of this blog, so be it lah kan? I dok pujuk diri...okaylah, since I bukak blog ni, dalam ramai orang-orang baik yang I jumpa and then jadi kawan baik jugak...ada jugak I come across org yang tak berapa baik, orang yang perangai lain macam, orang yang tak habis-habis ceritamu, ceritaku...kan Sally? Ni kira macam...tutupnya blog ni, maka tertutuplah sejarah orang-orang tak perlu ni...

Hari ni tadi.....well, I macam ada berbuat baik kat satu nurse yang kerja kat Depo Injection clinic tu..(in case you all tak tahu, Depo Injection ni kira ubat Anti Psychotic yang sekali cucuk terus tak gila) Si Nurse orang Pilipin ni, dah nak habis contract...nak kena balik Pilipin lah kira nya. Dia pun sedey la...ye lah, nak balik ke Pilipin, sure-sure lah kembali ke Slumdog nya kan? So bila I ber meeting dengan Psychiatrist tadi, tetiba terkeluar cerita yang Psychiatrist ni tengah nak buat research and nak cari assistant, so I suggestlah Nurse Pilipin ni. Terus dia agree. So I cakap dengan Nurse Pilipin tu, nah..sekarang Dr XXX tu nak you masuk team researcher dia..so, you have 6 to 8 month and cukup tempoh tu, kiranya Nurse Pilipin ni (sebab dia dah kerja dekat 4 tahun dengan NHS) dah qualify untuk mintak resident permit. So, I cakap dengan dia..use this opportunity..and lepas tu pandai-pandai lah.Wahhhh..terus dia god bless,god bless I you...

So kejap ni tadi...in my email inbox, I dapat email from blogspot. Something to do with my blogspot account ada relation dengan google mail and tertera jugak blog address goddess selene and Cik Wawa. Email tu terus bagi link kat my blog and an option to reset password. Wah...tak nak tertanggal gigi ku dek sukaaa???

Sukaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa nya....

Maka, dengan ini, saya adalah kembalianssss menjadi syaitan yang direjam..ehhh, saya adalah kembalian menulis benda-benda yang takde pekdah ini.

Terima kasih kerana kesabaran anda.....