Orang Tamak Selalu...

Well, people always end that say with 'RUGI'. But today, I discover that the result of being tamak is the opposite.

As a young girl, I am always a fan of Adibah Amin. I must say that I love her English and there was a time when she teach English over the radio program and aku lah yang jadik pendengar setianya. While browsing the net, I come across a very good review of her book 'As I Was Passing' and hatiku meronta-ronta nak memilikinya.According tu si pompuan malas mandi tu, this book was produced ages ago. But maybe we (as in me and this book) didn't get the opportunity to cross each others path. I also come across a good review of 'I Am Muslim' by DZ, an old acquaintance of mine (boleh ke kira claim to fame ni?) Knowing Dina, I am expecting some controversial and acidic touch in her writings and I know that this is a piece that I shouldn't miss.

My friends keep asking me 'You nak apa, you nak apa'...as you all know, I can no longer hope for Raja Nazrin, so kalau mintak nak Raja Nazrin pun dah tak guna. I am so into asam-asam but no, I am not pregnant. Sperm donor takde lah, Kiah. My biskut bantal is long gone dimakan oleh orang yang bila suruh beli angkut bawak balik London taknak, tapi bila nak makan lajuuuuuu aje (siapalah tu ye?) and yes, that is my answer to question 'You nak apa-apa tak from KL'.

I remember asking Belladonna sometime ago, however reading her predicament with her family issues, I kind of get the feeling that she has got loads on her plate and looking for books is something she will not do in a hurry.But my impatientness got the better of me (Bella....so sorry ye, yang) and When PMM (pompuan malas mandi) asked, Eh Esah..ko nak apa, I pun dengan muka tak malunya mintak lah 'Eh..I want asams and that two books'. Tak cukup dengan tu, tunggu-tunggu, after 2 weeks tak nampak bayang, I made a special entry on my blog throwing tantrum, demanding it from PMM after all my hints tak jalan.

Now, the moment I arrived office today, my assistant told me that there was a card left by Royal Mail and Parcel Force on the week I was in Belgium and she has collected it for me. Guess what is in both parcel?

The items that I have requested, one of each and in pairs.

I was gobsmacked (tak lama, because after belek-belek the books, I terus makan the asams and the biscuits) and embarrassed. What kind of a person I am? Tamak? Haloba? Gila?

To both Bella & Kiah, I can't thank you enough. Your parcel really made my day. I woke up late this morning and missed the sahur and I bukak puasa makan biskut aje.Nak pengsan you, puasa sampai 8.30 pm

Speaking of being tamak, as you can literally see, I now ada another pair of As I Was Passing and I Am Muslim. This is a good book and worth reading. I wonder any Melayu in the UK fancy having it? Let me know.Kiah & Bella, now is your time to submit a request.

Early Ramadhan

I seriously thought that kita semua start puasa hari ni. I have been reading Ramadhan wishes all over the blogsphere and it's all seems too near. I lost tracked (errrr...kalau kata tak tahu sangat, kena kutuk tak dengan PAS?) of the Muslim Calendar. I know that we fast in Ramadhan and beraya di bulan syawal.After the significant months, I usually back to normal circulation of December to December. I thought I overheard from someone that the Ramadhan starts on the 12th. Hahhh....listen to this.

I usually get very excited about fasting. Because I'm alone here (as in family pun jauh) I treat the month of Ramadhan extra special to mark my stance of being a Muslim (apa makna nya ni, Allah aje lah yang tau...sembahyang malas, Muslim hapa ke benda aku ni?) I will announce dengan bongkaknya to the whole office that I will be fasting for the next 30 days and hidung ku akan lah mengembang kempis bila orang dok puji-puji, Eh..how did you do it...bla,bla,bla. I don't know about you, but getting praised by the non-muslim here for fasting really made my day. Since I arrived from Paris last Friday, I have been too busy to notice what day it is. We vacated our flat last Sunday and I have been at work since Saturday. Last night, at 2am (still in the office) I suddenly realised the date (12th) and how I recalled a text message to Makji Eton, reminding him about Puasa. Teruslah I menggelabah.I really want to do the first day fasting. Whatever it takes...I was told that the first day of fasting will wipe away your dosa from the day you were born. I have been making dosa on a daily basis, so can you blame me for getting extra apprehensive? I also realised that I haven't 'mandi' yet. Alamak...ni lah padahnya bertangguh-tangguh. But I thought...takpelah, I have not seen any traces of blood since Sunday and I am convinced that I am clean, it is just I haven't done the proper mandi with the baca-baca. I was thinking, tuhan tau.Takpelah...I really,really nak puasa. I said my niat (in bahasa) and ate 2 apples for sahur.

Current season mean that the buka puasa will be at least 8.30 to 9.00 pm, I tried once, it was terrible having to wait that long but in the end, I succeeded.While at work, I got a phone call from F, jatuh tangga katanya and dia rasa macam kaki dia dah patah. I rushed to St.Bart's Hospital in the City and we waited 5 hours to get everything done, the plaster cast what not. Maka, si tua tu akan berjalan dengan kaki berbalut macam org kena untut and crutches. While waiting for the nurses and paramedic to register us out, I called MB1 to ask if she puasa ke tidak, knowing that si MB1 malas puasa. I swear I saw a woman in tudung makan sandwich, dalam hati kata, selambanya minah ni. But this is England, kalau you tak puasa pun takde orang nak tangkap bawak masuk kereta mayat kan? Si MB terus kata, hoii..puasa besok lah!!! Dengan tak puas hatinya, after we arrived home, I pun check lah internet to see if today is the 1st Ramadhan. Haiyoo....baru 30 Syaaban?

Well, tak apalah. Kira testing-testing lah tu kan? Hopefully, I will reduce kutuking other people, but honestly, it is hard not to.Banyak betul gossips nak cerita.After all, I am only human kan? Blessed with mulut puaka.

To all, Selamat Berpuasa.

Kebengangan Yang Diluar Tabii

As a woman, typically, I experienced days where every little things is madness. God knows how I tried hard to be un-brand from the PMT label. Men can just blame our disproportionate emotion as a ‘PMT’ stress and not willing at all to be blame, although not all the excessive emotion is developed from PMT. Just because we have moment of discomfort i.e. sakit perut yang macam sial and kena conscious memanjang takut terbocor and stained the cushion kereta or office, doesn’t mean that we are all ruled under the certain type of unbalanced moon. We do get upset for a reason jugak. Especially to those yang berperangai macam celaka.

With no bush to beat around, I have to tell you that for the last couple of days, I was feeling very upset about few things. Moving home and having to squeeze everything into 2 days while still having to go to work is just horrendous. Stress takes toll on everything. By the time everything is shifted, I am now having trouble to find my necessary bits and bobs yang dah ku taruk tah kat dalam mana-mana kotak tah. Mobile phone jumpa, tapi charger tak tau letak kat mana…facial scrub jumpa, cream muka hilang lah pulak…sakit betul hati.

So, if you’re reading this, this is not a proper update. I really have to vent out my frustration about myself and it covers lot of aspect…frust dengan diri sendiri, frust dengan orang, frust dengan public transport and frust dengan rambut yang kusut pasal hair straightener boleh tiba-tiba ghaib.

Let’s do the bit FRUST DENGAN DIRI SENDIRI first. Semenjak dua tiga menjak I took a break from therapy work ni, I find myself to be a keen ‘shit’ collector. I was having problem with the people that I worked with but fortunately, I have a choice to remove and reinstate people (of course through proper channel) that doesn’t function well anymore. The whole process of disregarding the office refuse is upsetting because to me, somehow it turned to be very personal and is affecting me emotionally. I have worked so hard to be where I am now and along the way, have put lots of trust into people. I become so obsessed and focused into making things better only to realised that while I was busy focusing and obsessing, I have inadvertently exposed myself as an open book and allow the evil to study my weakness and to jump at the first opportunity to crucify me. What really gets to me is that I actually noticed this but how can I allow it to happen is beyond imagination. This has happened far so many times and still, I’m not sure if it is stubbornness or stupidity. Maybe it’s both. And for that, I am very, very frustrated. But by writing this, I think I have managed to move on a bit. In my case, to tell if I’m dealing with it is by hearing me talking about it. I just got tired of sulking I guessed.

FRUST DENGAN ORANG….by the time I finished this, you will probably know who am I talking about. I don’t care what they feel anymore because after what been said, why should I? I am not perfect, my friends are not perfect but we are genuine. We can’t make you happy but I truly believe that we tried. I bent over backwards and to be openly critisised over something that doesn’t make sense really annoys me. Well, it is true that with human, you can’t win. Because they are never happy and never will be. I am human and I know that I myself am hard to please but I know people who tried had tried what they can and for that I really must appreciate. This person came to my flat and demanded to be treated like a king. Well, on behalf of my friends, we are sorry we can’t give you what you think you deserved. We just can’t. We do feel bad but under the circumstances we’re in, what you see is what you get. But…you’ll probably say that what’s been said is a joke. Fair enough. It is just that, your joke is not funny. Why I bother helping you, god knows. You’re lucky that you are surrounded by nice people. I am just not interested any more. In life, we do experienced bad things happened to us. Sometimes, things happened for educational purposes e.g. you got cheated or badly treated by some monkey and in future, you will know not to be too trusting. Sometimes bad things happened simply because of karma. You jahat dengan orang, orang jahat dengan you balik. This guy apparently have bad things happened to him recently. By the sound of it, his problems are self-inflicted and I now believe that he deserved what happened to him. Something for him to learn. I have to say that I don’t have time for you anymore. Go away and sort yourself out.

Frustration yang lain-lain? Nantilah I cerita…….

September Shares

This is just a short post. Takde kena mengena kepada yang debab, tembam ataupun yang kurus keding. I have been very busy, dengan orang datang rumahnya,dengan sibuk nak pindah rumahnya and in between, kerja office yang berlambak-lambak (if only I don't blog while at work nescaya selesailah kerja-kerja ku...but nak buat camne, tak blog tak happy kan?)

I will be away from from and office starting tomorrow until Friday and dalam pada tu, mobile phone ku akan ku divertkan ke phone office maka sesiapa yang akan terhantuk kepala and tersadar dari kebangangannya hanging up his phone line while talking to me, gasaklah kau bercakap dengan answering machine ye?

I wish to thank Makji Eton & Coco Chanel yang sudi meluangkan masa datang kat rumah I yang ala-ala padang jarak sekarang ni...as you both can see, I am not at all a good host...makan pun tak tentu kan...dah lah tu, kami bantai paksa Makji Eton buat karipap. Apa punya perangai ni?

Thanks for all the comments yang I dah baca but tak sempat nak respond. Betapa gigihnya you all nak tau pasal Jejaka Tembam turned Psychobable tu...tengoklah, I pun dah malas nak layan but can't help to feel terrible kan...sebab, aku pun boleh tahanlah jugak gatalnya melayan dia. Manalah Pakcik tu tak angin...but I seriously can't think of anything I did wrong...but, gasaklah dia ...pandai merajuk, pandailah pujuk diri sendiri.

There's few things yang ada dalam kepala yang nak dikomplen, tapi tak ada masa pulak nak tulis...pasal Merdeka Day Celebration, pasal ECA ku yang dah mengantar email yang panjang lebar....pasal apa ye Kiah?

But, I'll soon be back.

Take Care.

*****Apa? Chelsea bongkak yang perasan bagus tu boleh kalah dengan Aston Vanilla? Padannnn...padannnnnnnn muka sesangat!!!!****

Updates

After the First goal....sempat ambik gambar sambil macam Crisps tau...

I am allowed a blogging day off am I? Well, since this is considered jawatan tetap tak bergaji tapi dilakukan semasa makan gaji buta, I think I should be allowed for at least 10 days in a month. For my new visitors, I am indeed very touch with your compliments and seperti biasa, Makji Esah yang sungguh lah popular mengeluarkan janji-janji manis ala-ala Party MIC (k.e.y.m.o.u.s.e.)ni berjanji yang I will visit your blog when I get round to it. Kepada yang komplen, what can I say other than...sebelum kau nak kutuk aku yang tak nampak bayang, kau tu hapa cerita? Diri sendiri tak hapdate, nak kata aku ye? Eh..siapakah orang itu?

I certainly have tales to tell, of what been happening since Monday and I have to say, these past couple of days is really not the best of time kepada para-para jantan durjana yang tah hapa mimpinya semenjak dua menjak ni, gigih betul nak menunjukkan muka. I have to start packing my belongings in my current flat to begin with that obviously, claimed almost 99% of my energy. Masa nilah mulut ringan nak maki-maki orang, tu lah..bila orang beli furniture, dia pun nak beli furniture, tapi bila tang angkat mengangkat, tak nak menolong!!! Ciss...bedebah betul kawan serumah ku ini.The thing is, we are leaving our current flat yang sangatlah cantik ni on the 10th September, tetapi memandang kan yang I will be away from the 3rd to 7th, the bestest way is to move the berat-berat one first, katil, lemari, chest drawer and anything yang tak kan termuat dalam kereta. Being practical (or kedekut nak mampus) that we are (I am!!!) we thought hiring a van is a good idea because we just have to pay the day rate and then all the hangkut-mengakut job can be done in our own sweet time.The only disadvantage is that tugas hangkut mengangkut ni terpaksalah dilakukan sendiri tanpa bantuan abang-abang gagah. Well, honestly, next time kalau nak pindah lagi, let the Van man buat kerja-kerja mengangkut ni sebabnya, terseksa betul jiwa raga, batin, tulang tangan kaki, hati and otak membuat kerja-kerja ni. The whole day on Tuesday I dok moaning, manalah jantan-jantan ni bila kita nak pakai diorang kan? Jantan-jantan omputih sini kalau nak mintak tolong angkat furniture, siap tanya siang-siang, ada insurance ke bagai if nanti tulang belulang they all terkehel. Haiyooo....dengan kawan-kawan pun nak tanya insurance ke?

The angkut-mengangkuting finished nearly 9pm on Tuesday. Badan punya sakit, tuhan sajalah yang tahu.I keep telling MB, kita beli rumah pasni, tak kuasa aku nak angkat-angkat lagi...knowing the reality that buying house in the UK or in London to be precise, 2 bedrooms ground floor garden flat is like buying rumah kat Taman Tun. Only Taman Tun rumah ada 5 bilik with pool and garden yang boleh pasang khemah kenduri kahwin and in London, flat besar sikit je dari rumah anjing pastu, tanah leasehold yang after certain years, owner boleh sesuka ati ambik although you had paid arm and leg and head even, for the flat.See, rumah lain, tanah lain. Cam cilanat kan?

I also completely forgotten yang my ECA is in town and akan berambus malam besok. My mailbox is full with his messages yang nak jumpa, nak jumpa.(Eh...siapa nak jumpa you hah?) Not only that, si Debab yang tak reti-reti bahasa tu hari-hari dok hantar text messages and telephone I, free sangat ke kau?

I decided to ignore his mails, partly because I'm too busy with moving my things about and ada meeting sana-sini and with my boss yang hari ni cakap lain, besok mintak benda lain and my patients yang hari ni okay...besok boleh nampak Julius Caesar dalam bilik dia. Well,tough to those yang baru sekarang ni terkenang kat I. You had your chances (haaa..chances kau) but by saying this, I can sensed my anger and my anxiety over knowing that he is near. We have been apart for so long. There was a time in the day since Tuesday yang I dok cuba apply on positive thinking, kenangkan si Jantan ni was my boyfriend for 10 long years, tak mahukah aku move on and kawan macam gitu-gitu aje dengan dia? I don't think so. Podahhhh...podahhhhhh.

Yang satu lagi si Debab ni, nak kata tak paham bahasa...thinking back, I yang tak cakap direct dengan dia.So, in a way it is my fault.I could have done but I didn't pasal kes dia merajuk that day. But after badan, hati dengan kepala yang dah sakit, I am so not in a mood to layan orang macam ni. It started when I texted him back on Monday night, telling him that I will be very busy and I'm not so sure about the Merdeka Day thingy but if I do go, I will then go with my friends (basically telling him that I already have plan lah kan? Although not directly telling him I tak nak pergi dengan dia) But if you do go, I hope you enjoy it. Macam tu la message I kat dia...and cam biawak kurang ajar nya, he replied 'K'. K hapa? Kambing????? Tu lah, badan dah debab sangat, nak sebut the whole word 'okay' pun tak larat. The next day, I was busy angkut-angkut barang, I hardly ever have time to check my mobile phone berbunyi ke tidak and it was after 9pm that I realised that JT called 11 times and messaged me twice.

Message 1 : Need to talk about Saturday. Call me if you have time (12:34 noon)

Message 2 : Where are you. Call back urgent (6.30 pm)

Because he rightfully put it 'call me when you have time', maka jawapan nya, tak kan adalah aku nak call you, because I don't have time. Maka tunggulah ye sampai I free, and second message macam puaka, as if I gf dia or someone who berhutang dengan dia. Message cam ni sampai kat I (if you're not close friend or family) jgn mimpilah I nak layan. I was so bengang that I decided to ignore it.

I pulak ada plan nak tengok Arsenal game yesterday and after work, berlarilah I keluar office nak menyampaikan ke Emirates by 7.30 pm. While waiting for bus, I heard my mobile phone ringing and his number come up, not realising that he had been calling 5 times before I answered that call, I dengan tanpa rasa sangsi jawablah kan.

' I have been calling you since yesterday' (suara cam tension) 'Why didn't you return my call?'

I am not so sure if I ni bangang ke or sewel...so I decided to respond in a way that I thought funny...kira-kira nak joke dengan dia lah kan.

'Oh...K, if you're not someone I know I certainly going to file a complaint about you violating my privacy......(gelak-gelak) I busy lah semalam'

'Well, lain kali kalau tak suka, cakap lah...tak payah I buang masa'

Tupppp!!!!! Line got cut off. What? He is hanging up on me? Sakit ke apa dia ni? You know what, I don't even want to think about that. Lucky Arsenal beat Sparta 3-0 and I'm so looking forward to meet the Britain Next Top Model besok yang datang all the way from York and Dublin. Haiyoo....dia letak telephone you, dia letak telephone!!!!! Berani dia kan?

Sunday Notes

I realised yesterday night and this morning while aku dengan jahatnya committing an act of gaji buta i.e. bloghopping kat office that ramai betul blog page yang cantik-cantik templates nya. I know sometimes back that I was so gatal wanted a new templates for my page, but memandangkan I ni bukanlah computer savvy and no matter how many amount of self-taught pun takde lah akan menjadinya, so that kegatalan seems to go away, temporarily.

But last night, I went around to look for free blog templates and come across yang cantik-cantik and downloaded some of them.It was supposed to be easy with only code to copy and then, paste lah kat tempat 'Edit HTML' tu. Puaslah aku bersengkang mata until 3am, and the only messages that I get from the Blogger is that the code is silap la, pundek la...and kesudahannya, hapa pun tak de. By the time I realised yang I dok membanting tulang for something so unnecessary (but this desire to change my current template to a nicer one seem so necessary last night) it was already 3am and it was too late to go home and no one in a right state of mind will tunggu that 24 hours bus. What annoy me the most, I was suppose to have the behaviour analysis report of one mangkuk hayun by Tuesday, and I only managed to muster 1 page in that 18 hours...yang selebihnya, bloghopping. Haruslah nak kena maki dengan si TDM tu kan?

I have now resigned to the fact that I'm not at all clever with this computer graphic thingy.I continue working til about 3pm and still the report masih tak siap!!!

I think I am unconsciously anxious with the fact that JT is going to this Merdeka Celebration this Saturday, padahal, I dah siap-siap buat plan nak bergalok dengan Makji Eton, Mak Leemah and few more pompuan durjana yang kemaruk nak makan satay.This is like a huge desperation of makan satay ni, first you have to brave the queue, pastu the satay come in 6 cucuk and be ready to pay at least £4.00 dengan so ungenerous amount of kuah kacang and nasik himpit.By the time all that satay masuk dalam mulut, you might wonder what you spent that £4.00 on. Ni semualah yang tak sabar nak balik KL ni.

JT called twice asking if I have time to talk, as I am a gifted transparent liar, I cooked up excuses yang masuk lah ke akalnya maka twice today, aku terselamat dari listening to him whinging and moaning.Still, dengan tak mau kalah, he said, I ring you tomorrow, let's talk about Saturday'.

Haiyoo...I can see myself jadik his babysitter if I invited him along with my troop or if I agree on travelling with him...(habislah reputasiku sebagai pompuan melayu terakhir kan?) Either way, with or without me, JT will be going to that Celebration. It is either I have to look for a secluded spot to melepak kat Tun Razak Centre tu so that dia tak nampak I, or I just have to borrow the Somalian woman purdah yang habis bijik mata pun kena cover, so that I can bergerak bebas even depan JT without him knowing that I am there.

How lah? Just about to enjoy the Bank Holiday and now, bertambah benganglah I nak memikirkan si baby debab ni yang bakal merengek macam budak kecik mintak nak ikut dibawak berjalan tomorrow.Ciss! Ciss! Ciss!

Saturdaze

Somebody decided to make a lawatan mengejut kat Twickenham today, only bad timing that I was actually at Finsbury Park, 40 minutes away from where he said he was calling me from. I really should tell him that I am now with someone, some people or more precisely said, jantan ni kenkadang if they think that you're free, they thought that you got nothing better to do or nobody to see. I think JT assumed that I am single and I, orang tak tanya so buat apa susah-susah nak bagitau orang kan? Lagipun, bachelor ( I really mean singleton) can still do the MBA thingy....Married But Available...and life will be so colourful dengan adegan cakar-tumbuk-makihamunan kan?

I asked F if I can go out and meet an old schoolmate, of which (sebab dah berbaik-baik ni, apa aku mintak kasik lah kan) dia bagi dengan senang hati sebab dia pun nak tengok Arsenal game. So, tadi petang, berlangsunglah adegan dating-datingan antara Makji Esah dengan Duda-to-be K kat Old Compton street (motif pilih gay bar for lunch?) I was so impressed dengan kegigihannya nak travel ke Central London today. It was a nice day with good weather with a bright sun (as if aku suka matahari) and ramai betul mamat-mamat naik tube dengan tak pakai baju tayang sic pack diorang, boleh?

He was a bit uneasy when I only opted Chicken Caesar Salad for lunch and I pulak, betul lah tak pakai otak kan...pi cakap kat dia that I have to watch my figure yang dah makin debab sejak balik dari Dublin ni. (Honest truth, last night I ordered Indian takeaway and all content of the cartons gone in 60 minutes, melantak cam tak hengat donia)

Well next time, kalau you all keluar dengan sesiapa yang bersize debab dari you all, janganlah pi cakap kat orang tu yang you nak jaga makan sebab tak nak jadik gemuk, pasalnya, si K tadi terus terasa (hish...macam pompuan lah pulak) yang I kata dia gemuk. Hello ? Okay, how very insensitive of me, but you all meh sini I nak bagitau, I am not good at menyindir orang, I was talking about me...and K, being supersize me nya, terus cakap (meluat I tau dengan adegan-adegan merajuk ni) I tau lah I dah gemuk, tak payahlah sindir-sindir...

Hish...siapa yang sindir you? Kalau dah rasa diri tu gemuk, gemuk lah kan...janganlah makan banyak-banyak. Pergi lah berdiet ke, liposuction ke, hapa ke...furthermore, you obviously happy with your size and jangan lah tiba-tiba nak emosi pulak. Well, if you must know, ini semua kata-kata dalam hati aje. What I actually said to him is that I am talking about me and I don't even realised that he got weight issue (penipu sangat kan I? Yang aku dok mengumpat dia dalam blog ni tak sedar)

And bermulalah kisah-kisah hingga terjadi nya supersize me. K told me that he developed an eating disorder bila dia di dumped oleh kekasih awal dan akhir MRSM nya tu. He lost sight of himself (that would explains it....he lost sight of his body but with clear visibility of food) I corrected him on what he thought was an eating disorder, you turned into comfort eating lah Encik, itu biasalah bila you tengah depressed, ada orang tak lalu makan and ada orang pulak terlalu-lalu pulak makan.The worst bit bila terlalu makan and terlalu pulak lupa exercise, makan badan pun kan menjadik terlalu besar lah kan? K said he was a lot bigger before and now he is losing weight (nak gelak...nak gelak...) and he needs motivation. He was looking in my eyes directly when he says he needs motivation tu, and aku pulak, eyyy, why are you looking at me? I pun makan macam Majlis Perbandaran tau...

I told him that please don't count on his lucky stars for me to be available for a meeting next time round. I told him about my work and how my weekend is sacred. I told him what I think of his new habit, suka-suka turn up and ajak I keluar, not that I am complaining but I really don't want to be in the situation where he merajuk sangat-sangat that day. I told him that I'm sure that he has other people he can pencil in for his next surprise visit.

'But you're different. I wish that we were close before, you're like my missing puzzle'

'What do you mean?' (Masa ni ayam Caesar Salad yang I tengah kunyah tu rasa macam nak tersangkut kat my kerongkong)

'When she left me (he is talking about his first gf) I was messed up big time. I feel suicidal at time and homicidal even...rasa nak pergi bunuh dia, but I can't do much. I met my wife, she was totally a different character and I thought I am going to be happy. But I am not, that frustrates me. I do have friends but they don't relate to me like you do.'

'You should really go out more'

'I don't think I can or I wanted to'

'Yes you can...there's plenty of people that can be your friends, man, woman'

'You understand me'

****Notes, I think K is the one-person person type. Or probably his confidence was shattered badly and this makes his vulnerability rather obvious***

'I take it that I'm the first person you spoken to about your wife'

'I think so'

'There you go, you have been bottling them. I must say I'm honoured that you trusted me but you must acknowledge that you're in some sort of bereavement and you're grieving your loss and to you, people who listen is the one who understands the most'

'I don't think so...is not that I'm in love with her that I kecewa maut...we are divorcing, no one has died' (hamboiii...bongkak nya si Debab ni)

'Bereavement...mourning a loss is not only subjected when people die, but you can also mourn your loss of identity or just anything that have been a part of you or anything than can affect you emotionally.You love her and that is why you married her, maybe she is not the one that you're in love with but your marriage won't happened without love.You have lost that feeling for her, and that is your loss.And you're upset because of it'

'You have reasons for everything'

'I'm only trying to make you realise what you're feeling and not to put blame on yourself or your wife'

'What do you think I should do?' (Classic kan?)

'I can't tell you what to do...what do you want to do?'

'I don't know, I'm so messed up'

'Well, at least you're not trapped in a loveless marriage anymore. I will keep an open mind if I were you.Try not to have expectation'

'But I am lonely'

'Because you're too focussed on your loneliness'

'I have to tell you that I'm happier when I'm talking to you'

'I think what you mean is 'relief' rather than 'happy',of course when you opened up, you feel relieved and when you're relieved, you will actually feel quite happy'

'Eh..you macam dah bosan dengan I aje'

Okay.....now I am convinced that lemak dalam perut dia dah naik sampai ke otak and that causes him the brain dysfunction.How nonsensical.I had to tell him that I am going to be a bit busy over the next two weeks (I keep thinking should I tell him that I'm not as free as he might think) and maybe is not a good idea for him to keep popping out from nowhere.

To make matters worse, he asked 'Will you be going to Beckendonbury for that Merdeka Celebration? I'm going so I wonder if you want to come with me'

Pitammmmmmm.

I'm Still Smiling

At 1.14 am, I'm still at work...monitoring one barua yang dari pagi tadi threatened nak commit suicide.Macam celaka...as if I ni takde kerja lain nak buat.Here I am, mengular while watching CCTV footage of him sleeping in the secured room.I remember sometimes back when he was in one of his funny moods and was transferred to the secure unit. I was asked to monitor any of his 'alarming' behavior yang kesudahan nya aku yang macam nak gila having to watch him pleasuring himself. Yikss..yiks...yiks...

Okay...remember Sam and his Lala? I was quite anxious after that incident, pulak tu ada yang pakat nak takut-takut kan I pasal budak ni akan dapat concussion la, nanti I akan kena saman la..but his mommy said, babies will always fall...(but mommy didn't know the Lala story, kan?)

Mandy (Sam's mum) offered if I want to take him jenjalan...of which I readily agreed and last Monday, I took him to tengok itik and main buai. Here's the photo of him, courtesy of my mobile phone camera with him and his awesome smile with the Arsenal top that I got him for his 1st birthday. Ish...adakah aku meroyan nak beranak? This is the proof that he is indeed okay and well.

Take care.

Good Reason, Wrong Action (300th Post)

When I was meeting JT, despite his focus on the things he deposits in his tummy, we did have a good chat. He is indeed an interesting man. I was being myself (my new self ke?) to offer my unlimited supply of opinion. The setting was good for me to express myself, since he is a little bit occupied with the chicken and understandably, nervous of meeting me. Eh..adakah aku perasan? Tidakkkk. I'm to old to be over-conscious of myself. That is the beauty of getting older kan? Nothing to lose and no love to win. JT's frustrations over his marriage break up is apparent, although constantly blaming the other person, I can tell that the person that he is most angry with is himself.

Here I am, sitting in a cosy restaurant listening to him wallowing self pity and munching the chicken. I keep saying how I hated being 'in a mending team' in relationship issues. My relationship pun macam bulu ayam. I am so convinced that I'm not at all a marriage material.I'm so self centred. So when you read about me and my relationship, please consider the fact that I can also be the biggest mess contributor.

When my ECA decided to marry his wife, the old cliche that the whole world had fallen apart seemed suddenly, painfully true. Everything was destroyed. You think that you're going to be with someone forever, and then discover that this is not the case, your present is wiped blank and your future has to be entirely reimagined. We really should agree that the break up of a long term relationship is, alongside bereavement is one of the most stressful life experiences.

Cases I handled shows that men is usually the one who is not mentally traumatised. I don't think JT is at all traumatised by his break up. Maybe because there is a substantial amount of love for the ex gf that dumped him. Moving on gets easier after years of not seeing each other but tiny dots of love still stays in fact, we will often wonder because there's no closure for being dumped unlike mutual break up. Tapi, berapa kes sangat mutual break up pun?

When JT was badmouthing the wife over the obvious stuff like betapa buruknya retaliation dia bla bla bla, I asked him if speaking about her in a deragatory way is making him happier. JT answer was a typical 'ah you woman will always take sides of another woman'. So defensive. Rasa nak tampar je pipi dia yang terlebih lemak tu.

He only come to his senses that night when he called me to apologised. Masa ni lah, I cakap kat dia, you are so wrapped up. It is up to you if you want to share your problems. But I think, you just want people to listen to how jahat this woman is and how frustrated you are with the whole thing. Well, if that is what you want, that is fine but although I'm listening, I'm sorry but I have to disagree with you and I dont think I like your coping mechanism.

He is not entirely in love pun dengan wife dia to begin with. I imagined that he at that time was single and desperately lonely. Then came the wife, not as intelligent as him, in fact only working as a receptionist. (Haiyoo..bongkak nya) JT said they had plenty of laugh and this girl, although not on par (cesss...jantan...) really can carry herself well. JT said he really sees her as his saviour, maklumlah, hatinya baru patah that time. They rapidly got involved and got married.

He said that they have been living 'separately' for a while, as in she gets on with her life and he just doing his everyday things to get by. I asked him, is there any happier time? Macam gampang he replied 'I don't know'. 'I should have get out of it earlier, it is just not working'.

I look at him and wonder, it took him 5 years, all that time giving that poor woman a hope that there's is something worth sacrificing for...and he, can't wait to get out? I cakap kat dia, you waited 5 years to tell her that? (I dah siap dah cakap dalam hati, jangan sesekali dia cakap...oh kesian tak sampai hati...hello, this is a man we are talking about, sejak bilanya ada simpati?) JT boleh jawab..'what should I tell her...that I fell out of love?' 'Apa nanti orang cakap?' Ermm...wait a minute, where have I heard that all before? Yess..ECA ku, masa bertukar pikiran taknak cerai bini dia, itulah yang dicakapnya kat I...takut malu, takut kena kutuk. JT insisted that he was all faithful in his marriage...but who is he kidding? Faithful? Or you all jantan ingat being unfaithful only applies to hubungan sulit mulit dengan pompuan/jantan lain? Have you heard about being emotionally unfaithful? Why can't JT just admitted the truth yang he is actually so complacent with his own set up, tak kisah lah..cinta ke tak cinta pun that he is in fact, do not want to do anything about it? Kesian pompuan tu, punyalah ingat laki dia cinta kat dia.

I can't help myself tu tell him what I think of him. His getaway opportunity is when he is offered to do PHD and masa ni lah nak drop the bombshell. Mana tak pompuan tu naik gila? Well, served him right la pompuan tu is now acting and thinking irrationally but why can't men understand that for a woman, when loves comes to an end, all security and all predictions about your life are destroyed? Majority of woman married for life, while hoping for the better but until the end of life, you just have to take whats given...unless you're strongwill.

I told JT that I think he is actually angry with himself for the mess he have made. He created an enemy and most of all, his guilt over ruining wife's life.I told him that man are not good dealing with guilt.JT asked me if I think he is in the wrong. Well, you can't help for falling out of love and you can't help it if you were unhappy. I told him that he have the choices before but not using it. Now, just because he finds his own way out and use it as his courage, conviction and confidence to leave, and that what I thought is so wrong. JT, macam anak kambing asked me what should he do...and aku dengan bongkaknya cakap...you just have to live with it. This is what you want, no doubt a good decision for you but you shouldn't have been so afraid that you have made a mistake.Not loving someone is not a mistake.

On different note, I went and see F last night, I insisted that after gaduh that day, we should really decide where do we go from here but I was left feeling so bad. My attitude really needs changing.

BB Moment

I was tagged by Lee. I baru aje nak mengangkang tengok 'Criminal Mind' dah kena tag. Not easy okay. Below are my My Blonde Bimbo Moments....(tak racist ke cakap camni?)

1. Before the age of 15 (I ni lambat membesar you all...kanak-kanak riang sungguh!!!) my naiveity about sex seems to influenced my knowledge about things, biologically. Sex and biology macam best friend pulak masa tu, kan? I remember asking my mother to makan bebanyak supaya dia boleh menjadik buncit and whaddayaknow, dapat lah seorang adik. Tak terfikir langsung masa tu yang proses untuk mendapat adik is more to it yakni amma dan appa kena buat overtime memalam to do 'stuff'. Makan banyak just wouldn't solved it. Not only that, I used to think that the only way for people to reproduce is by 'getting married' as in bersanding, amik gambar berkoyan-koyan, makan nasi minyak, potong kek..bukak hadiah. Tak terpkir betul oleh ku yang kalau nak beranak ni sebenarnya tak yah tunggu kenduri besar pun. Bodoh tak?

2. Up until I was 20 (lagiiiiiii lambat ni) I thought that male genitalia 'grow' or 'age' along with tumbesaran jejantan itu.Meaning, semakin besar/dewasa jantan itu, semakin 'dewasa' lah konek nya. I have brothers and up until certain age, I know how big their 'thing' is. Not that they're flashing it. When I first come across porn (age 20), I was thinking, kesian ye budak-budak lelaki ni...the 'anu' sungguh lah besar, muat ke seluar dalam? Tak le ku tahu yang tumbesaran itu bukanlah semulajadi, tetapi adalah jadi-jadian belaka. (plus I also know by this time why seluar dalam jantan ada pocket kat Y front tu)

3. This is quite recent but bila dikenang-kenang, rasa nak tanam kepala dalam pasir pun ada. I have 3 younger sisters, and two of them got married couple of years ago.They were both dipinang pakwe memasing (at different times) while I was away, and I was told by my youngest sister (yang mulut mengalahkan ASTRO ni) that she overheard my uncle (spokeperson for my family) enlightened the rombongan meminang ni akan kewujudan seorang lagi anak dara tua (yakni aku) in the household yang misti diberi some sort of hadiah, bagi acara melompat galah (nak cakap langkah bendul cam tak glamer aje) Well, hearing that, I feel so blessed that I belum kena pinang, pasalnya, I got to thinking that kalau my sisters dapat duit hantaran yang beribu-ribu and hadiah macam-macam yang atas dulang tu, I will then get the same...orang kahwin dapat hadiah, I yang duduk atas bendul ni pun boleh dapat hadiah and tak payah pun nak mengorbankan diri kena kahwin.Little that I know yang aku hanya akan dapat sepasang kain buat baju aje. Hah!!! Itu aje ke? Cisss....well, in the end, as a benefit of being on top of the bendul is sepasang kain untuk buat baju kurung and a bracelet.

4. I used to think that famous people on TV is like god on earth. They can never do wrong nor that they can function like other human being. My father is friend with this famous comedian JS, he came to our house in PD, I remember seeing him on telly and this same guy held me in his pangkuan and then excused himself dengan kata-kata, 'Kejap ye, Pakcik nak berak'. Ahhh...macam tak real.

5. I don't know if this count as bimbo blonde moment. Well, masa ni kecik lagi but it took me ages to realised (I was in form 2 in Convent School) that baju BEBEK is actually means baju 'Bare Back'. I often heard my mother, my auntie...semuanya compliment baju budak-budak kecil mungil...eyyyy, cantiknya baju BEBEK, baju BEBEK. I thought, siapalah yang bangang bagi nama baju ni baju BEBEK huh? Fashionista kambing ke? Ghope-ghope nya, Bare Back you all. Ni lah susahnya bila English masih ditahap lembu lagi.

I can't think of any...maybe this is it. By having less bimbo blonde moment ni taklah bermakna I ni pandai ye....but, I now intrigued to know your BB moment, Kiah Kidman, Manal, Sue Typhoon, Elviza,Pieces Man and LeQ.

Seterusnya...Kisah JT

Selepas puas ber temper-tantrum ala-ala Elton John, nah, hambik you all cerita lanjutan kisah dating I dengan K a.k.a. Jantan Tembam.Observing what's been happening around the negaraku (ku) yang terchenta, I feel the need to announce this,

Bahawasanya, saya sebagai rakyat Malaysia, berikrar bahawa K is just K, not Khairy Jamaluddin, and saya adalah blogger separuh masa dan berjanji bahawa isi kandungan cerita saya tiada unsur-unsur politik (walaupun ada sedikit unsur hasutan) yang boleh mengganggu gugat pentadbiran kerajaan bapa mentua saya (eh..silap, saya bukan KJ) dan saya juga, dengan ini mengesahkan yang saya juga bukanlah seekor monyet, mahupun beruk ataupun cikah, jauh sekali Alison Moyet tetapi saya tetap teringin nak memiliki koleksi aksesori Monet. Saya berasa amat kecil hati, kerana sebagai rakyat Malaysia (tetapi saya tidak membayar cukai pintu ataupun mencarum EPF ataupun PERKESO) kami blogger-blogger (Bloggers Idol kira tak?) telah dianggap monyet oleh Encik KJ. Apa? Encik panggil saya monyet?! Sedapnya mulut...apasal, Encik hensem sangat ke? Saya berharap semoga Encik KJ akan kalah dalam pilihanraya akan datang. Sedemikian itu, disini saya ingin sekali lagi mengesahkan yang nama JT ialah K, tapi bukannya Khairy, so, Encik Khairy Jamaluddin, sila jangan berani nak saman saya, tau?

Okay, pardon my previous entry yang telah ter deviate dari kisah dating I. Well, you can't help to get sidetracked, especially on some burning issue like Negarakuku tu. And also, if I have inadvertantly mengecikkan hati mana-mana goverment servant, well, what can I say, terlajak perahu boleh gostan kan...tapi kalau Makji Esah dah komplen, gasaklah.

As you all know, hari Jem'at lepas, I went and see my ex school mate. Budak ni, masa kami sekolah sesama dulu, tak pernah tegur I.I'm not sure if I am invicible (hello, I ni 5 foot 8 okay, tipulah kalau tak pernah nampak) or dia ni yang rabun. K was once upon a time ago a very good looking man.He fits the criteria of a boyfriend idaman Malaya, walaupun I dengan dia macam Tupai dengan kapalterbang, that I am the Tupai, yang paling tinggi pun kat atas pokok aje and he is the kapalterbang Boeing 747-400 yang sekali terbang, 13 jam baru jejak tanah.

It so obvious that he was nervous last Friday, I can't even begin to explain why.For someone yang dah ada experience with the opposite sex, ermm..he was not single in the whole 2 years kami kat MRSM, and although dah nak kena cerai dek bininya sekarang, I don't think that dia ada syndrome takut kat pompuan.I was so put off by his mannerism towards female company, but for him, giving his current predicament (nak kena cerai) and extreme hunger...I feel that I am obliged to excuse his ungentlemanness last Friday.

I don't know what to expect of him but I am so curious to know what he has been up to all this while since I last saw him...1990? I was expecting to talk about all the good old time, although we don't have any old time together and I have no choice but to ask about what happened to his ex girlfriend. Let me tell you si dua ni, cinta maut...the girl is from Perak and K, sekarang ni I baru tau, is originally from KL...Kampung Pandan huhhh!!! The whole MRSM tau betapa Ali dengan Asmidar nya sidua-dua ni...to those new age yang tak tau, Ali & Asmidar is the 2 character from that Ali Setan, kisah cinta menggeledik where the pompuan at first buat-buat tak suka tapi pastu bergayut dengan si Jantan cam Orang Utan kat Sepilok. I really thought that they both ended up kahwin, because most of my friends yang bercinta monyet satu sekolah semuanya ended up berkahwin walaupun bukan dengan the same person yang they all puas membuang masa bercinta with.

Well, K and that girl parted ways after 5 years together. K went to Portsmouth and that girl, masuk UM. According to K, the girl don't love him enough to withstand the distance that separated them.He was knocked off big time by her decision (part ni, seriously, sedih aku mendengarnya...close to home lah katakan) K told me that he actually went home after his degree to re pursue that girl, tapi that girl dah dekat nak kahwin dengan pakwe barunya. K returned to England for his Master and balik Malaysia and started working. Masa ni lah dia jumpa his soon-to-be ex wife. K told me that he was lonely and the girl 'can do' lah. They went and get married after a year of 'suai-kenal'....haiyoo...jantan!!!

Help me with this...not trying to generalise men but from what I have come across, men are not good at admitting fault or mistake.The married one somehow are exellent in moonlighting as a single man without any care and the seperated one and the one about to be married, either not happy or super anxious with hormones all over the place.

K was married for almost or over 5 years, no children.Tak ready katanya.Well, isn't that a sign, for a man who are not ready for a baby is a baby himself? The way K talked about his wife is so common, common excuse for a man who made mistakes of rushing into things and can't decide of who he actually want.Example....given Kate Moss, Angelina Jolie or Jodie Foster...tiga-tiga pun nak, married Angelina Jolie but after 2,3 tahun, baru realised yang dia nak kat Jodie Foster sebenarnya.

People can be quite weird when comes to choosing partner.I went out with this guy, a self-made millionaire.For some reason, his wealth doesn't appeal to me, although, masa keluar dengan dia, I never paid for our meal. See, I am so into equal ops...hari ni I bayar...besok you pulak...tak nak makan budi punya pasal.But this guy is so into showing his stance of masculinity by taking control.After 3 months, see aside the wealth, in a long run, we do not have anything in common. He made it clear why he wants me as a wife...because of my educational background (musykil pulak...bukannya I sorang aje dalam Malaysia tu study kat oversea, Cik Abang oiii)

I'm with my partner now, pasalnya dia very intelligent, perangai buruk but have a brain of a encyclopedia.Why, because I want someone that I can argue with (memang pun bergaduh hari-hari) someone that endure all kind of shit that come out of my head and my no nonsense. (But by saying this, ada jugak tarikh luputnya tau?)

I do not know the subtle way to put this, but would you know the feeling of being with someone that is not at all compatible with you? Love may last until certain amout of time but after years of feeling 'alone' in a relationship or a marriage with no one to share anything in common apart from sex, surely one bound to find a way out.

I think this is what happened to K, but K being a man with no mean to excuse his mistakes, blaming 'wife' for being not understanding.If only K allowed his wife to be his 'friend' and not wife, maybe he will see a difference and maybe wife can 'open up' a bit more.

Women are usualy good with boundaries, some of us are even good friends with this male friends of ours and enjoy a good and meanigful casual chat.I told K that as a man, he should take some responsibility in his marriage breakdown, it is obvious that after a while, he was building up expectation and it took him a while to realise that the 'wife' is not the one he wants as 'wife'. Nobody want a divorce, break up or anything sewaktu dengannya, but if you want your relationship to work, you must do some 'work'.

K is blatantly blaming the 'wife'. Well, that's a typical man.Have you heard of any ex husband with a good words about their ex wife? I heard of one...my aunty is a good friend of Aida Rahim's ex husband...and he always said 'she was a good wife, aku je yang macam setan'.

Well, what do I know about it anyway...

Wish List (Tale Of Unrequited Affair)

***This is a telephatic message via world wide web, to my secret indiscretion. Nama terpaksa dirahsiakan atas sebab-sebab, tak mau bagi dia malu, but if you are attentive enough, you know who am I talking about***

Okay love, I know I owe you JT stories.I don't mean to do this, but I just remembered that you have uttered something really sharp that breaks my heart in our last telephone conversation. Disebabkan I ni ada syndrome slow reaction due to blurr transmission, benda yang orang dah cakap 2 bulan lepas baru hari ni hati kecil mungil ku terasa pedihnya.

Sebagai tanda kasih sayang plus you nak tayang kat I yang you banyak duit (dah naik pangkat lah katakan) you offered to shower with with asam-asaman. Mind you, asam-jeruk-keropok bantal-tuna chilli dalam tin to me is like A-class drug, cehh..macam lah pernah ambik drug, so, bila you dah offer, kecik kangkang kaki, kangkang KingKong akan ku buka untuk menyambut niat suchee mu ittew. Like any other considerate lover, you asked me what else do I want, untuk mengubat hati sepi, perut sepi ku ini di rantau. My demands are small. I asked for 'I'm Muslim' and 'As I Was Passing'. Seperti President Party MIC (k.e.y.m.o.u.s.e) tak syudehh syudeh kau berjanji manis akan meng poslaju kan menda-menda tu kat I. Dah hampir sepurnama dah ni, jangan kata buku, plastik asam pun aku tak nampak. My body is now dehydrating badly, pasalnya, my saliva hari-hari keluar mengalahkan siput babi. Mengenangkan asam yang telah kau janji-pelesu kan itu.

On top of that, you made fun of my kuih cekelat bersalut kelapa parut request. Macamlah aku mintak nak makan hati nyamuk. Seperti biasa aku dengan perangai 'bagi betis nak peha', dengan muka tak malunya mintak kau belikan aku CD Kumpulan Freedom. Sehingga kini masih terngiang-ngiang kat lubang telinga aku betapa teruknya kau gelakkan aku. The way you laugh, as if aku mintak CD Rhoma Irama ke, Cintaku Seratus Persen ke or Kumpulan Rock SYJ for that matter. Wuishhh...bukanke 'Freedom' tu kira upmarket punya group.

Well, to you yang makan durian yang sekarang mulut berbau durian, ingin ku war-war kan ala-ala mulut tempayan disini, takyah lah sesusah nak cari menda-menda tu untuk I. Pasalnya, sesampai aje kaki ku ini di KLIA bulan sepuluh nanti, berkoyan-koyan asam akan ku beli sebagai tanda protest dan kecik ati. And I will personally ask Dina for her book (mampus kalau dia dah tak kenal I lagi) and akan ku hambat supirku (yakni my baby brother) to drive me to mana-mana kedai buku to search for the Adibah Amin book.

Sekian.

Negarakuku

If I understand correctly, this is originated from the National anthem Negaraku, but for some reason, there is an extra ‘ku’ just after the ‘ku’ bit. Ironically, maybe, it means ‘Negara Cuckoo’…depend on how this Namewee man intended it to be. My current news reading suggests that this is a current hot-hot issue (disamping cerita Pak Lah tidur) and this young man is currently being threatened with severe punishment, thanks to his creativity.

God bless YouTube, macam-macam benda boleh tengok. Recently, I even saw Lisa Lopez last moment sebelum kereta dia terbalik. The moment I learned about ‘Negarakuku’, I search the video in the YouTube, to see what the fuss is all about. Ni ke dia yang sampai nak kena strip-off nationality ni?

This young man is very creative in his own right, takdelah macam Spielberg or Scorsese, tapi, bolehlah…for cheap humour. People who happen to live outside Malaysia kenkadang lupa how ‘sensitive’ inverted coma, Malaysian can be. Namewee is in Taiwan, and I think, if you still live within the region, banyak benda yang boleh jatuh in the category of Politically Correct.Like the Bruneian takleh la mengata their Sultan or anyone in their Royal Family, lantak lah nak kahwin sesapa pun…you are not allowed to make fun or criticise him in public. Same goes with Thailand…I never heard a bad word of their Chulalongkorn…for goodness sake, we can’t even komplen pasal Pak Lah !!!

Here, Charles, William, Harry and even The Queen kena buat lawak, siap masuk TV lagi…none of the English/British kena saman. In Malaysia, our former King married someone he can call cucu. We gossips, but we keep our mouth tight.

To Namewee, what can I say, apart from him being an immature young man. He is obviously very bitter. Aren’t we all? I can understand his despair, being Chinese in Malaysia is not easy. They don’t get to go to a special school allocated to anak-anak orang Melayu like MRSM. Maybe sekarang MRSM dah ambil other etnicity jadik student, tu I taktau la. I never heard of anak cina dapat government scholarship belajar overseas. One upon a time ago, I was working in the organisation with 95% chinese employee. They always say how lucky I am because I am so privillege with many facilities. Nak beli rumah, ada bumiputera price lah, so many Bumiputera perks. Their choices are limited, college, university and obviously, very expensive. They asked themselves again and again, why? I’m a Malaysian too…

So, when they become a disgruntled nation against the over privilege Malay, can you blame them for being a bit bitter? We even sakit hati when Indonesian seems to earn more than us and given a setinggan land for free. Ni kan pula the Chinese with Malaysian Citizenship. I went to renew my visa with the British High Commission in KL 2 years ago, while waiting, I got into a friendly chat with this young Chinese girl, who is applying for a student visa. She brought with her all deed, bank statement and tah apa surat datuk nenek to show to the ER government that she is financially eligible to support her study in the UK. I assumed that she is a daughter of anak tokey-tokey besar that resides in Damansara Jaya or that lot. But this young amoi, came from Sekinchan with both parents working in a ladang. On the other corner, seated not far from us is one Malay young family, siap dengan pram, is applying a same visa and flashing away a government letter, sponsoring them.

Malaysian people never complaint. True eh? Maybe they do complaint, but government tak buat apa. In the end, maybe they got fed up and channel their complaint dalam hati aje. jadik malas nak complaint. Not because they don’t want to, but rather…they feel that there is a thing that they have to put up with. Local bank overcharged the nation with sky high credit rate, government services yang service macam kedai kopi or public transport yang macam setan, it is very obvious that things are bad, but what can they do?

Namewee stupidly touches the very sensitive issues like how grumpy he was with the azan subuh that woke him up from his sleeps and making fun of perempuan pakai tudung. He somehow forgot that he lives in a country with different ethnicity. We live with the Indian, the Chinese, the Seranis and the tah hapa-hapa bangsa lagi. We managed well. We may feel a little uneasy with different culture but we respect them. Namewee on the other hand, feels that his human right as a Chinese, was violated. Maybe he might want to know what the Malay has to put up with…

My uncle lives in the Gombak area. I remember visiting his family during Thaipusam Day and what do you know, we got stuck in traffic for 4 bloody hours. Why? The entourage of ‘Wel Wel’ flooding the road on the way to Batu Caves and this one man, the chosen one lah konon nya, decided to guling-guling diri atas jalan all the way to Batu Caves and we, had to wait. We were angry, yes! But, we don’t complaint because that is an Indian thing. We will upset the Indian if we did.

As we all know, Chinese funeral, mengalahkan kenduri kahwin. The bigger the ceremony is signifying the loaded the family are. Once upon a time ago, one funeral decided to hire a man walking on a high leg sticks and conquer the whole road. Tu belum masuk their band bergerak satu dua lorry main drum tu. And we never said anything.

Malaysian, by Malaysian, I mean Malay, Indian & Chinese…have forgotten that we are not really ‘Malaysian’ as in orang original Malaysia. We also ‘orang datang’. We have become like the ungrateful Australian yang tak sedar diri datang dari places like UK, sidelined the aborigines pastu, buat Australia macam diorang yang punya. The Malay wants to be the big leader, pasalnya kaum Majority ke? And Chinese & Indian tak puas hati…kesudahannya, masing-masing mengata sesama sendiri.The PAS want Malaysia to be negara Islam, but where will the non muslim fit in? Can't we still be Islam no matter what country we live in? The Keadilan will only be happy if Anwar Ibrahim become a PM, because that is his ultimate goal. What can the Keadilan do? The Keadilan is formed because the chances of him becoming a PM was cut short by being sacked. They're still the same people.

This Namewee boy in all account is really selfish. But, he may express himself the way he genuinely feel. Malaysian should start appreciating others opinion. Maybe this ‘politically correct’ thing isn’t good anymore. We don’t like the way Pak Lah manage the government; we ought to tell him we don’t. The recent bus accident that killed 20 people should really be an eye opener. Many things aren’t right.I personally never like the Malaysian bank, government offices and overall regulation. If we are ruled by the intelligent scholar, why do we have to put up with

Makcik-Pakcik yang jaga counter post office,immigration, JPJ etc yang macam nak layan tak layan orang yang datang mintak service. It’s funny when they advertise the warmth manners of the Malay, tapi….I got this Makcik telling me off because I submitted one photocopy less of my ID card. Terang-terang kat belakang dia ada mesin photocopy gedabak macam bontot dia, she got the cheek to send me down. ‘Ni tak cukup ni, kena tak buat dua salinan’. Ish…(I tell you, orang kerajaan kat Malaysian High Comm pun lebih kurang aje…ni semua syndrome org kerja government ke or makcik ni sexually frustrated?

People that works in the counter service tak nak langsung buat kerja extra nak bagi information…

Budak-budak muda yang macam mana boleh pass driving licence, pastu bawak kereta/motor cam jin aprit. Apasal polis tak tangkap ye?

I am not so sure if I am a right person to write all this. I'm currently trying to apply for British Passport (hardly truly Malaysian kan?) I have an Indonesian mother, a Malaysian father, and worst of all, I was born in Singapurahhh. Malaysian sangat ke I nak patriotik,patriotik ni? Tak pasal-pasal dapat waran tangkap, kan? Hopefully, by muttering all the above, the immigration officer kat KLIA will allow me in for my Raya Holiday.I'm so nak makan that kuih chocolate with desicated coconut on top and satay.

Cerita JT Bahagian Pertama

I prefer this...

or this...

Tapi...dia dengan takde tanya-tanya I pun, decided this!!!

High point number one, I finished work at 3am this morning. Why lah? Because work lah.There's one incident after another at work and the bureaucracy made it so tedious.My boss si Talam Dua Muka tu (TDM) hari ni tadi dengan banyak cekadaknya, telephone I dengan kata-kata nasihat yang menyakitkan hati. You must get a grip kununn...dia tu yang cakap cam biawak, semalam lain, hari ni lain tulat lain tu, aku lak disuruhnya 'get a grip'.Pundekk sangat kan? Soon, I have to start seeing 'people' again. I have one fresh case just referred to me from National Autistic Society. This guy is severely autistic, and I'm so not looking forward.

Dek kerana pandainya aku buat time management, knowing that nak pergi toilet pun takdak masa, dengan pandainya I buat janji nak jumpa si JT. Hari ni pulak tu. This time, dia offer nak datang Twickenham. In a way it saves me from the hassle of travelling, tapi...I tak nak lah pulak terkantoi,buatnya ada ke orang yang I kenal nampak I, cemana lak? This is my working area, so I might bump into someone I know and rasa cam tak syok lah pulak, nak gumbira-gumbira tanpa privacy.Nak naik ke Central London, I penat sangat. So in the end, I asked him to come to Richmond.

High point number 2, ikutkan hati, mau ku cancel aje.At my age now, nama I nak bersungguh-sungguh hati nak gi dating, jangan harap lah. I can change my mind cam aku tukar channel Sky.I was in a very foul mood to begin with, dengan si TDM tanpa belas kesian suruh I buat tu buat ni, made me wonder why my Manager berhenti serta-merta.I was so not up to meet anyone, I want to sleep. Time moves fast approaching 2pm, I pulak dah buat perjanjian syaitan nak jumpa JT pukul 3.30pm. JT pulak, gigih hantar text messages dari pagi. Yiksss...aku cukup tak gemar orang-orang yang over excited ni. Pulak tu, on the dot 2.30pm, masuk lagi text message berbunyik cam puaka 'Clock is ticking'. Hello Pakcik, kita ni dah 34 ye, bukan 24. Masa nak memiang-miang and lembut lidah cam ice cream cair dah lama berlalu. Tapi kan, macam ada tarikan aje, tiba-tiba perut I lapar, and I just remembered that my last meal was yesterday afternoon, pastu tak makan apa dah. I was agonising, kalau I cancel, tak semestinya MB akan masak kat rumah and kesudahannya, I will end up makan maggie, and kalau I pergi, maka, I can get this over and done with.

Kesudahannya, dalam pada nak pergi/taknak pergi, by the time it is just too late to cancel (manalah tau, kalau I cancel jugak, buatnya dia terjun depan keretapi, siapa nanti akan dikacau hantu buntal, aku jugak kan?) I pergi jugak. He chose the venue. I just thought we can settle on McD's.Tapi si JT dengan gigihnya, nak makan kat Nando's. Hah...full set lunch/dinner tu. Takdelah nak tanya ke, I nak makan apa...what I fancy...mana perginya kegentleman-an jejantan zaman ini sekarang? Aren't you were suppose to ask something like, you nak pergi mana...queue nya, kalau si pompuan kata, I tak kisah, up to you, maka si jantan kena tanya se round lagi....alaa..cakap la, what's your craving for today...and bila si pompuan cakap, again it's up to you, maka barulah kau jantan, boleh pilih mana kau nak makan, tahu? Jangan sesekali on first date, dah buat perangai Idi Amin, bagi direction ala-ala dictator.This is the world game, let the woman win first.

Plan nya, nak chat-chat aje. So, kalau nak chat-chat, Costa Coffee or Cafe Nero kira tempat yang seswai lah kan? Kalau dah makan quater chicken dengan sedulang besar chips campur nasik and coleslaw, nak chat-chat apa nya?

Bila dah sampai Nando's, si JT terus start compliment ayam-ayam dalam kedai tu, as if ayam-ayam yang dah mati dalam panggang tu amoi-amoi sexy.Macam lapar sangat lah.I can see that he is nervous thus sampai tak tau nak cakap pasal apa but, hello...I'm just your ex school mate yang dulunya tak nampak dimata hang.

Well, jantan, dengar sini. This is a line you might want to consider when meeting a female friend, walaupun pompuan tu tak berpotensi nak jadi awek, tapi silalah include social manners dalam tatasusila diri (amboi, kata orang, diri sendiri mulut cam puaka)

a) Maybe you might want to use the cheesiest line on earth like 'you look well today'. Enough to make the person yakni diriku feel noticeable.Remember, pompuan kenkadang ada issue dalaman sikit, it is so important that we get notice.Seriously, kalau lalu kat tepi sawah, kalau kerbau tak pandang pun, mesti hati tertanya-tanya, apa kena nya dgn aku hari ni, tak chantekkk ke?

b) Take a little time to show a bit of concern, tanyalah, how was your journey, of course, pompuan macam I yang kaki auta, kalau diri sendiri lambat pastu tuduh drebar bas bawak bas cam siput. And then you should say, owhh...shame.Pastu, buat lah muka concern...walaupun it is none of your business kan?

c) You must allow the person opposite you (yakni kita ni lah) to talk about herself/her things for at least 10-15 minutes.That shows that you're not selfish and not everything is about you.

Judging from my ramble above, do you think the meeting/dating with JT went well? Huisshhh...you all, aku belum cerita lagi bab dia bukak mulut cerita pasal wife dia....

Tunggu na, I nak mandi. I smell like chicken.

Getaway Invitation

Hey you all....dengan sukacitanya Makji nak bagitau yang Makji dah kena tagged. Sungguhlah terharunya bila kena tag ni, especially untuk ocassion yang melibatkan acara jalan-jalan makan angin. Sungguh suka....ada jugak orang yang baik hati ajak I berjalan kan? Bukan macam orang tu, dah habis mee sumbang mahram Makji dirembat nya, tapi ada dia nak ajak Makji jalan? Harammmmmm.

Okay, seperti biasa, Makji akan cut and paste rules and regulation nya.

"(a)You've been T A G G E D ! ! ! - "List out 5 people whom you would like to bring along with you to Istanbul, Turkey; where you will spend with them a week- long stay at the luxuriously furnished Grand Sultan Suite at the ever majestic Ciragan Palace Kempinski Hotel. Owh and do tell us why these 5 lucky people deserve to be there with you…" And to that 5 lucky people listed in the entry, C O N G R A T U L A T I O N S ! ! ! You've just been T A G G E D ! ! !(b)"

From what I've seen, tempat ni cantik jugak. Please help yourself to the sneak preview either in Lee's or Belladonna's blogpage. Tak pun, google ajelah Ciragan Palace Kempinski. Kalau you all nak tau, even sebelum I kena ajak dek Makji Eton, I dah ada list of siapa yang I nak ajak dah dalam kepala. Nampak sangat kemaruk. Some of them dah kena ajak, so that gives me the opportunity nak ajak orang lain bagi meramaikan rombongan gi rumah orang kahwin ini...siapa yang nak kahwin ni? My invitations goes to

1) Kalau you all ingat I nak ajak Frankie, maka you all salah besar. Disebabkan Makji tengah murka gila babi dengan dia jam-jam ni, maka si tua ini tak kan ku ajak berjalan walau pun ke sweet shop sebelah rumah.Tapi kan you all, kalau tak bergaduh pun, tak de jugak gi jalan-jalan, sebabnya si F ni sungguhlah anti sosial, and kalau dia nak jalan pun, dia hanya nak berjalan rumah sedara mara dia aje, that is no longer classified as anti sosial, tapi..sungguh sial. Disebabkan itu, my first invitation akan jatuh kepada Mak Badak No.1...yakni budak Liza Debab. MB1 ni kira anak yatim piatu, pastu cousin dia baru meninggal 2 hari lepas. She needs some cheering up. Dialah sahabat I donia akhirat, walaupun that day, kami dengan muka tak malunya bergaduh kat rumah Makji Eton. The truth is, like Sheila Majid 'Selamanya'....I dengan MB1, 'Kemana pun pergi nya, kita selalu berdua'. Sungguh!

2) Yang kedua nya, kalau dah ajak MB1, kenalah diajak sekali chaperon omputihnya yang kuat tidur itu kan? Ye...maka second invitation goes to Lou. Atas sebab-sebab, kalau tak diajak, kecik ati.Lagipun, dia dgn MB1 dah kira satu set.Kalau ajak sorang tu, yang sorang lagi kena ikut. Tapi, dia ni, senang diajak berjalan, pasalnya, dia hanya diam, hisrok dan tidur saja kerja nya.

3) As Bella correctly guessed, I mestilah ajak si kekasih sulitku Cik Kiah Kidman. Reason? Must you ask, Kiah? Masa ni lah kita boleh berpeleseran dibelakang lakimu. Tapi ingat, anak jangan kau bawak sekali. Budak-budak innocent tak boleh di cultivate kan dengan budaya-budaya jahilliyah ni.

4) My fourth invitation goes to Sue Typhoon. Reason being, Sue is in need of some fresh air, setelah puas bergelumang dengan taik kambing kat kandang kambing bebiri. Get out Sue, sebelum kau pulak yang jadik kambing. Tapi kan...do you ever think that, the possibility that the sheep might fancy you?

5) Manal, you're my fifth. Reason being...erm...saja aku nak jadi setan. Yelah, Cik Manal kita sekarang ni tengah gigih nak mengganti puasa.But on a brighter side of it, take it as a challenge.Tengok betapa kuatnya iman...boleh tak you mengganti puasa dikelilingi Turkish-Turkish Delight yang khabar nya bersize gedabak itu?

Speaking of invitation, yang pasti nya, orang-orang yang tak akan diajak walaupun Makji diugut akan kena letup dengan C14 ialah

1) Raja Nazrin, atas sebab, dah kau patah kan hati ku, you ingat I akan ajak you gi bercanda dipasiran pantai ke? Podahh...gi lah berjalan sensorang.

2) Tuanku Zara Salim, atas sebab, gue enggak suka sama lu, ngertikkk!!!!

3) Siamang SAM, atas sebab, mana ada orang yang nak ajak ex bf nya berjalan? Nak nak ex boyfriend yang telah menghancur lumatkan hati mu macam cili dengan bawang dalam blender?

4) Sultan Brunei, atas sebab, dia kan dah kaya. Buat apa nak ajak...kang buatnya dia beli tempat tu buat jadik private space nya, camna kita semua nak pergi?

5) Thierry Henry. Dah le ko gi tinggal Arsenal nak main for Barca, pastu, ko pi tinggal pulak bini dengan anak kau pastu sekarang ni, ada affair pulak dengan Paz Vega. Cisss!!!

Sekian. By the way, Makji ada date dengan JT besok. Tungguuuuuuuu.

Quick Updates

I thought I should tell you all this,

I called JT last Sunday,well, I do realised that i was indeed a bit abrupt to him bersempena dengan lawatan mengejut tak rasminya tu ke Twickenham ni. I think lah, eversince I switched career from my old to the current one, bagaikan penyakit berjangkit (sial kan mulut aku?) I developed an autistic spectrum trait, yakni, kalau bercakap tu, bak kata orang melayu...takde assalamulaikum and segala mala intro pantun-mantun lemah gemalai, straight to the point. Pastu, tak sensitive langsung dengan keadaan orang. But honestly, (dengan tak mahu menyalahkan diri sendiri ni) if I have a question, for example...kau dah makan, my expectation will be either sudah or belum.But many would prefer this...ermm..erm...belum lapar lagi, or tunggu abang kakak pakcik etc., which is, bukan jawapan sebenar, rather than yes/no.It's all sum up, takde kena mengena dengan orang penanya soalan. But I must agree with people expectation of me, doing work that I do now, banyaklah nak guna psychology.But, people that I talk to outside work, takde lah pulak yang ada severe learning difficulties or mentally incapacitated.So, cemana ni?

Okay...Makji telepon lah si JT ni, cakap lah kat dia 'I wasn't at all trying to avoid or upset you. Your timing was bad, I betul-betul busy. (Nak jugak terkeluar versi bongkak, I don't entertain non-appointment..tapi, kalau dia tersakit hati, disantau nya Makji, siapa yang susah kan?) I'm so sorry if I sounded rude, but really I'm not'. Puas betul aku menyusun tutur kata.

Honestly, I was expecting 'Alaa..takpe, I tau you busy'. But really haram jadah you all. Ada ke dia jawab 'I was so dissapointed with you (tapi tergelak-gelak..camne ni?) I thought as a friend, I mean so much compare to your work'. Pundekkkk sangat kan, Kiah, Leemah & Eton? (Merasa sebut nama semua, ada yang dah merajuk ni)

I tell you, kalau tak mengenangkan dia ni tak lama lagi nak kena tinggal officially dek bininya tu (patutlah pun nak jadik duda, perangai buruk) mau aku hempas telephone dengan kata-kata 'mampuih lah kau gomok'....tapi, Makji pun balas ayat sialan nya itu dengan gelak-gelak manja, boleh?

Well, that is it. We made up.Reluctantly,I agreed on another coffee appointment.Nampak sangat dia free, nak jumpa I hari ni tadi. I told him Wednesday, but bila pikir-pikir balik, now dah pukul 11.40pm, and I'm still at work.I dah terasa cam kepala nak pecah, sempat mengular masuk blog.You rasa, kalau I cancel besok, harus tak dia bunuh diri?

Kepada Hjh Leemah, sila check email anda, I dah menurut perintah Rohana Jalil mu itteew....lagu apa tu nyah?

Hjh Eton, kenak YM kitak macam bengong?

Kiah....I miss you.

Sekian.

P/s I nak ucap takziah kat MB1 and kesemua family Uncle Aziz & Aunty Chik, atas kematian Abg Mat pagi tadi.

Satu Perlakuan Yang Sungguh Mencurigakan

Cehhhh....title macam dramatic gitu.But it is true, today I have come across one weird behaviour, yang datangnya dari K aka Jantan Tembam itu.Begini ceritanya,

I was so unbelievably busy to begin with. My boss decided 2 days ago that she has had enough and blah macam tu aje and now, with no other choice, I have to report directly to the Area Manager yang khabarnya bertalam dua muka (TDM) itu.Bad enough that I still have to deal with the disgruntled member of staff yang semakin hari semakin daring dan menyakitkan hati, that I bear no other choice but to file a formal complaints against them. I was advised to take a step back, so that my boss ni bolehlah conduct the proper investigation, tapi tah macam mana, dah masuk sebulan, no action was taken and tetiba pulak, si TDM ni hantar email and bagitau yang si boss I ni dah resigned, and dia sekarang will take over the investigation.Because of that, segala activity harianku (termasuklah memakan-gaji-butaan) macam terganggu and I terpaksalah ambik alih kerja si boss ni (kalau dapat gaji macam dia takpelah jugak kan?) but, TDM is nice enough to pre approve every extra hours payment and any extra expenses.

Since Monday, aku telah bekerja dengan gigihnya, Kiah oiii. Enough to make me realised that big pay packet is not everything.When I was earning less than 20k a year, I used to think that I was badly underpaid. But I still got the privillege to watch my favourite soaps, tengok wayang, gi keluar-keluar dengan kengkawan and bermacam-macam lagi activity-activity yang menyeronokkan. But I become too ambitious and now, while I earn comfortably, the only friend I see is MB's and Makji Eton. Dapat jumpa Sheikh Qatariah tu pun macam bonus...and yang lenlain tu, dah kena ugut nak putus kawan baru jumpa.Kawan apa namanya aku ini? But by saying this, you should know yang I ni bukannya jenis banyak kawan pun, maklumlah...mulut puaka kan? Pulak tu, dah ada reputation wanita jelmaan harimau pulak lagi. Bertambah takutlah orang nak kawan kan? Lainlah si Kiah yang susungguhnya into S&M tu, memang suka type-type ganas cam I kan, yang?

Nak dijadikan cerita, dalam pada sibuk-sibuk kerja sampai tak sempat makan (tapi sempat berak, Kiah) tengahari tadi, tiba-tiba berdering-deringlah mobile phone I, flashes out Jantan Tembam's number. I was like, pehal dia call aku ari Jem'at nih? Tak sembahyang ke? I was a bit nervous/anxious, maklum le, after our date, it is him that gigih making all the contact, hantar text bagai...and I keep making empty promises nak jumpa, nak jumpa...but knowing me, I really have to start looking for another way to shut people up. Some people kan tak reti nya nak paham hint.Kalau dah banyak dolak-daliknya, berhentilah kan mengusyar? Ni tak...makin aku bolayan, makin gigih nak berjejak kaseyyy.

So dengan aksi-aksi plastik, I answered his call, trying to be as jovial as I can...mampuslah kalau keramahanku di interpretasikan sebagai menggeletis.The so called friendly intro...with him 'moaning' over betapa susahnya nak get hold of me, as if I ni busy mengalahkan PM, and I responded with gelak-gelak yang sungguh fake tu...hihhh!!!

I really thought he just want to say hi...after puas menghantar text. He just announced ' I'm just passing by Twickenham and I think I'm not very far from you. Fancy a lunch?'

Whatttt? For someone who live in Reading...yang bolehlah tahan jauhnya dari West London, cemanalak dia boleh tetiba 'passing by' Twickenham? Siap dengan plan tersendiri lak tu, nak ajak I lunch. Sesuatu sangat kan?

I politely decline, bukannya tak sudi...but there's no way that I can be part with my work at that precise moment. He went 'alaaa...I datang dari jauh ni'. Eh..tadi kata, passing by, sekarang cerita lain pulak kan? What can I say, I really can't. He tried again...again...and reluctantly admitted defeat. 'Kopi pun tak sempat ke?' ...I can imagine dia tersengih-sengih kambing mintak daun sirih, but seriously, kalau David Beckham lah yang ajak I keluar pun...I will have to say no, unless, kalau masa-masa tu jugak dia ajak I kawin and bagi I duit sejuta, I will then readily campak semua file kat muka TDM tu dengan ucapan, hambikk kau, good riddance. You can stuff your job, aku dah kaya...hahahaha...bongkak tak I?

I just finished work an hour ago...and I can't stop thinking, am I missing something here? Is he that lonely sampai sanggup travel jejauh nak ajak I makan? Dia takde kawan lain ke nak buat surprise visit? Sekarang ni, I kesian pulak. He is on the verge of dissolving his marriage. Breaking up is not easy...walaupun hati benci. My professional view in his current predicament is making me think about him in more sympathetic way. I better call him after this.If friendship is what he wants, I guess that is something that I can offer, furthermore, you can do with a bit of gossipkan Kiah?

Bolehkah Babi Terbang?

Since the beginning of August, telly kat sini dok hari-hari...kalau tak hari-hari pun, adalah 3 times a week tunjuk documentary pasal Princess Diana.I supposed tu semua in aid of the conjunction of her 10th death anniversary this coming 31st August kan? Eh, ye ke date tu? All of a sudden, I just realised how fast and vast that the time flies. Where was I 10 years ago?

Truth be told, I was in Paris the day Diana met with the accident. I was working with one of the Asia largest airlines company and was assigned to CDG airport. On my flight back to SIN, it shows on the flash news that Diana & Dodi was involved in the car crash, Dodi reportedly died and Princess Di was critically injured. 15 hours later, when I was back in my apartment in SIN, I saw the news confirmed that she had died. Honestly, at that time, I do not know what or how to feel. Because, aku bukannya kenal Princess Di ni pun. I can see on TV how people cried and betapa banyaknya news coverage. 10 years ago, I was too wrapped up in my own world (bersama-sama Siamang ECAku and 2,3 jejaka yang lain) to take any notice of Princess Di and her life, although, I do know that the royal couple had divorced years before and Princess Di's string of scandals and relationships.

Living permanently in England since 2000 exposed me to loads of stuff concerning the two...Princess Di and the tak hensem, PC. I started to read more stuff on papers and magazines. The media obsessions here with the royal families made my knowledge about them deeper and from there, I started to pity Princess Di. Really, really sorry for her.

I don't think I can identify in any of her commiserations, but to have life orchestrated to destruction by someone she thought she loved and loved her, is heartbreaking.

Charles and Camilla is one true love. Why he didn't marry her before, hanya dia aje yang tahu, but obviously kalau dia kahwin dgn CPB tu, tak dapek lah dia nak naik takhta kan? Gila kuasa sungguh!!! CPB went on and marry her then husband, PC went on and marry Princess Di, yang mati-matilah ingat yang dirinya itu dicinta oleh si PC tu cam nak rak.

As much as I want to appreciate the power of first love and how it will never die, I can't see any point at all why the need to capsized one's life into massive destruction. If I really want to relate this story with my Ex-Chenta-Agung story, well...according to him (kalau dia tipu, tipu lah I ye) I am his first love...but he married someone else. He thought his marriage will work, but it didn't (padan muka kau!!!) and quickly realised that it was me that he truly loves. Tetapi masalahnya, my ECA tu bukan lah anak Raja ke hapa benda yang akan terlepas takhta or harta berbillion if he married me. Anak ketua kampung pun bukan. Saja kan menggatal tak leh tunggu aku balik belajar gamaknya. Like people say, kucing kalau nampak ikan depan mata...and his wife was the 'ikan' depan his mata, while I was the 'ikan' who was struggling on the other side of the world.

When I think back, Princess Di tu lagi sengsara hidupnya, when I was spared the possible destruction (kalau I kahwin dgn siamang tu) Princess Di really thought that PC loves her...and she left everything for him, unbeknown that he is in love with another woman all along. In the end, she died a victim. Victim of siamang bertopengkan anak raja Britain.

My ECA married his wife...separated, went out with me again for another 1 1/2 years but later balik ke wife dia balik. So, who is his true love? And now, although not in so many words, macam nak kembali kepangkuan aje.From what I heard, he divorced his wife 2 years after their reconciliation...and has been single since. And dia ni, since 2,3 years ago, dengan muka tak malunya nak menjejak kasih dengan I. patutkah diberi muka orang macam ni?

But, here I am, slagging him off at the available opportunity. Why can't I just erased him out and never think of him? Why am I always talking about him? Aku ke yang masih menanti babi terbang?

p/s kepada sesiapa yang sungguh gersang menunggu gossip, ketahuilah olehmu yang reality nya, aku ni berkerja makan gaji...so,ada hari-hari yang boleh main ular dengan tekun dan ada juga hari-hari yang kena berjaga malam buat kerja cam nak rak. Yang nyatanya, I do not have the privillege nak bergulung dalam selimut dalam office macam Ratu Kucing tu.Harap Bersabar ye.