About Me

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Kebengangan Yang Diluar Tabii

As a woman, typically, I experienced days where every little things is madness. God knows how I tried hard to be un-brand from the PMT label. Men can just blame our disproportionate emotion as a ‘PMT’ stress and not willing at all to be blame, although not all the excessive emotion is developed from PMT. Just because we have moment of discomfort i.e. sakit perut yang macam sial and kena conscious memanjang takut terbocor and stained the cushion kereta or office, doesn’t mean that we are all ruled under the certain type of unbalanced moon. We do get upset for a reason jugak. Especially to those yang berperangai macam celaka.

With no bush to beat around, I have to tell you that for the last couple of days, I was feeling very upset about few things. Moving home and having to squeeze everything into 2 days while still having to go to work is just horrendous. Stress takes toll on everything. By the time everything is shifted, I am now having trouble to find my necessary bits and bobs yang dah ku taruk tah kat dalam mana-mana kotak tah. Mobile phone jumpa, tapi charger tak tau letak kat mana…facial scrub jumpa, cream muka hilang lah pulak…sakit betul hati.

So, if you’re reading this, this is not a proper update. I really have to vent out my frustration about myself and it covers lot of aspect…frust dengan diri sendiri, frust dengan orang, frust dengan public transport and frust dengan rambut yang kusut pasal hair straightener boleh tiba-tiba ghaib.

Let’s do the bit FRUST DENGAN DIRI SENDIRI first. Semenjak dua tiga menjak I took a break from therapy work ni, I find myself to be a keen ‘shit’ collector. I was having problem with the people that I worked with but fortunately, I have a choice to remove and reinstate people (of course through proper channel) that doesn’t function well anymore. The whole process of disregarding the office refuse is upsetting because to me, somehow it turned to be very personal and is affecting me emotionally. I have worked so hard to be where I am now and along the way, have put lots of trust into people. I become so obsessed and focused into making things better only to realised that while I was busy focusing and obsessing, I have inadvertently exposed myself as an open book and allow the evil to study my weakness and to jump at the first opportunity to crucify me. What really gets to me is that I actually noticed this but how can I allow it to happen is beyond imagination. This has happened far so many times and still, I’m not sure if it is stubbornness or stupidity. Maybe it’s both. And for that, I am very, very frustrated. But by writing this, I think I have managed to move on a bit. In my case, to tell if I’m dealing with it is by hearing me talking about it. I just got tired of sulking I guessed.

FRUST DENGAN ORANG….by the time I finished this, you will probably know who am I talking about. I don’t care what they feel anymore because after what been said, why should I? I am not perfect, my friends are not perfect but we are genuine. We can’t make you happy but I truly believe that we tried. I bent over backwards and to be openly critisised over something that doesn’t make sense really annoys me. Well, it is true that with human, you can’t win. Because they are never happy and never will be. I am human and I know that I myself am hard to please but I know people who tried had tried what they can and for that I really must appreciate. This person came to my flat and demanded to be treated like a king. Well, on behalf of my friends, we are sorry we can’t give you what you think you deserved. We just can’t. We do feel bad but under the circumstances we’re in, what you see is what you get. But…you’ll probably say that what’s been said is a joke. Fair enough. It is just that, your joke is not funny. Why I bother helping you, god knows. You’re lucky that you are surrounded by nice people. I am just not interested any more. In life, we do experienced bad things happened to us. Sometimes, things happened for educational purposes e.g. you got cheated or badly treated by some monkey and in future, you will know not to be too trusting. Sometimes bad things happened simply because of karma. You jahat dengan orang, orang jahat dengan you balik. This guy apparently have bad things happened to him recently. By the sound of it, his problems are self-inflicted and I now believe that he deserved what happened to him. Something for him to learn. I have to say that I don’t have time for you anymore. Go away and sort yourself out.

Frustration yang lain-lain? Nantilah I cerita…….


Belladonna said...

Esah oii, bawak banyak bersabar (honestly aku tataw sapa orang-orang itu).

Dont be too hard on yourself. Things happen for a reason and selalunya it makes us wiser. Biarlah orang nak kata apa nok.. janji niat ko baik.

Cik Kiah Kidman said...

ko tensi sama itu jantan montel ka?
Kapan mau hapdate dgn galaknya? Kapan ko mau pulang ka Malaisia?? Waduh! Ko bilang aku malas mandi ya? Aku butuh mandi bersama mu ..rasain!

(masih perasan i'm still in Indon)

Anonymous said...

Dear Hjh Esah,
I do possess similar streak of obsessiveness that sometimes make me real pain to some people.My present situation is the direct result of unrestrained episode of similar nature.

At times our behaviour developed from past experiences .Over many cumulative failures and finally on an even keel,one tend to follow certain rituals which to some may look like a real obsessive behaviour,and yet within it (or while doing it) we gather some peace of mind and sense of purpose in life.

I feel that you know someone is rocking your boat and even from your many past experiences,you find it very difficult to deal with it.This with many disorderliness in your surrounding make the whole handling of the issue difficult.

The last para brought some relieve to me,as you easily diagnosed the problem and meted out the appropriate measures.

If by writing this note to you ,make you walk a step back and having a better perspective in your life at this moment, I have done my duty as your ardent fan who cant stand the suffering that you go through.

Good on you.

My dormmate asked me to say hello to you.He is your big fan

Dr Zainal
Pusat Rawatan Stress
Hospital Bahagia

Elviza said...


Jangan bengang2 lah. Sabar lah (chewah sedap suruh org lain bersabar, diri sendiri tuh asyik nak mengamuk jer!)

I am so flattered to be your daily read, maklum lah blog I tu kan boleh tahan lah jugak boringnya.

I rasa nak bukak satu blog lain, yang khas untuk kutuk org/client jer... apa pendapat you?

One more thing, please don't heed whatever that Zainal chap says. THe last time I check, sebelum dia self-proclaim kan diri dia jadi doktor konon2 nya tuh, dia adalah pesaket di hospital tampoi.

Dr my foot lah!

Terima kaseh Esah, nih last lah kutuk org, esok dah poser. Ahaks...

Lee Novotny said...

Msakji, first of all selamat berpuasa and secondly..er I think I know who u r talking about...sabar nok...uols dosi pindah kah????

Friends macam tu lah uols.... very der unpredictable..some are good and some are just plain pain in the ass but in the end, we are still bersaudara kan? :)

be good darling *HUGS*

Typhoon Sue said...

*terkebil-kebil nengok kecomelan layout baru makji*

way to go makji... getting rid of stupid people in your life is always a good way of getting rid of stress.

selamat menyambut ramadan yg mulia

Goddess Selene said...

Uols klw mak ada buat salah mak nak mintak ampon awal2!... *nangis!

Hjh Esah Jolie said...

Bella, hati panas Bella, hati panas...ohh...ni rasa nak makan ABC ni.

Kiah? Apa? Lu membutuhi mandi dgn gue? Gue kangen.....

Dr Zainal...Pusat Rawatan Stress exist ke? Kat Tampoi?

Elviza..I think you should, my blog also dedicated to ngutuk org yang ku counsel...therapeutic tau..

Lee, susahnya nak cakap pasal saudara-saudara ni...like u suggest, he might be joking, tapi tak kena batang hidung uols, batang hidung i semenjak dua menjak ni sensitip gila uols. Marilah kita berpelukan nahh?

Sue, ni lah bahana nya sindrom tak nak kalah.Org layout baru, aku pun nak layout baru..tapi nak buat sendiri tak reti.

Makji,nak mintak ampon apa nya...

Manal said...

Makji, sorry, i was reading while i am fasting and bila dah last word, my tongue felt thicker n heavier sbb dehydrated kan....puasa la ala2 nya....

That guy tu mengerti atau tidak agaknya yea...

That entry made me think a lot of things related to my life...sigh...