About Me

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Relationship Rescue

Hello again.I have been annoyingly busy at work.There's rather plenty of soul that is affected at this time of the year.Year end thing.I sensed that our Lee is feeling it too,judging from what he wrote.Many of us are feeling so vulnerable at this time of the year.It is true but hard to swallow that our vulnerability are about how we feels about our self at this time. We become and feeling very apprehensive about what we did and what will the future brings in the year to come,especially those who happened to have a 'bad' year. As much as people like to say 'see how things goes', honestly, what they really want is to know exactly what will be in store for them rather than to see how things goes. We don't like riddle, as much as we want to call ourselves a hedonist.

The anxieties of the unconscious (the one with learning difficulties and mental incapacities) are trebled. I was asked a lot for a 'talk' and all I'm hearing is a same thing.Emotional Inequilibrate. Every single aspect that related to the month of December seems to contributes to the fact of having our psychological incomprehension. We usually start to ponder our life for the last 11 months since our last ponder. We are so gatal to question ourselves are we happy with what was done,achieved and happened.The anxiety then escalates and is making you more anxious about your future.For those who can and willing to understand will do themselves heaps favour by accepting things the way it is but for troubled one,new year means new anxieties.There is not a bit of cognitive understanding of life,how things move and happen.

Things that I ponder the most in December is my relationship and my work. I have been very stressful of ever growing extra responsibilities. I have been trying to think of a solution. I never found one. My relationship? Against all rational, I decided to legalised my relationship with my partner this year.Apart from loving each other like mad,we also done it for security reason. (I'm not at all convinced by this!!!) We have had a terrible time together owing to my insecurities and Frankie's pride.Stupid stuff.We are still working out our 'stuff'.Not easy.Loads of sakit hati.But like others that are committed,we still trying to rescue and protect our union.

One of the most destructive elements in relationship is contempt.People who are happily married like each other,of course they do.But fondness and admiration can be fragile unless you remain aware of how crucial they are to the friendship that is at the core of any good partnership.By simply reminding yourself of your partner's positive qualities - even if you grapple with each other's flaws - you can prevent a happy relationship from deteriorating.Without the fundamental belief that your partner is worthy of honour and respect, where is the basis for any kind of rewarding relationship?

There are many couples whose respect and friendship have receded to barely detectable levels,but they can be rescued. The route of bringing them back always begins with realising how valuable they are.They are crucial to the longterm happiness of the relationship because they prevent contempt from becoming an overwhelming presence in your life.Contempt is corrosive that, over time, breaks down the bond between partners.The better in touch you are with your deep-seated positive feelings for each other, the less likely you are to act contemptuously towards your partner when you have a difference of opinion. Even positive feelings that have long been buried can be revived simply by thinking and talking about them.You can do this by thinking about what makes you cherish your partner.

Some books that I read (motif suka baca tips-tips membahagiakan rumahtangga?) suggest that we think 3 things you like about your partner when you first met....(Frankie....very intelligent,dry sense of humour and passionate)

What are the 3 qualities you most admire about your partner? (sama seperti diatas)

Think of an ocassion in which your partner displayed one of those admirable qualities...(When I balik kerja penuh stress)

I'm not sure if this work.But you can try.Let me know if yours work.

My thoughts are with you.


Lee Novotny said...

Absolutely right! Thinking positive and quality things about each other does help u goes through a relationship... memang lah ado yang bad bad tuh tapi bak kata orang "buang yang keruh, ambil yang jernih". By the looks of things, you both ARE trying evry hard to save your union. I respect u ols tawww! Good on ya..if that's what u both think the best to do :) Semoga next year semakin bererti kepada u ols berdua...

Mak pun dok fikir fikir pasal UNION nih, kengkadang rasa malas piula nak civil civil partnership nih..biaq pi lah apa pun terjadi in the future..mak takut juga kalau kalau civil pertnership inniew akan mengubah hala tuju mak & Avang nyer relationship...mak takottt skals u ols!!! Dulu nak sangat..teringin nak jadik mcm Goddess Selene tapi la ni takut gittew.... ntah lah kenapa....

Anyway, abt insecurities tu mmg betul nak nak musim perayaan ni. Esp. tang beli ahdiah nak tunjukkan how much we love the otehr person. Tahun ni memang non-ado for me sebab dahlah gaji tak dapat, bonus laaagi tadak except for £10 voucher worth of Argos!!! Can u imagine??? ittew lah harga we ols yang kerja keras setahun lamanya.... maks edeyyy tau tak dapat nak beli hadiah hadiah bebanyak utk Avang, AJ & K..atau sesapa lagilah.. yg kenal mak luar dan dalam... kat luar mmgs elalus enyum dan ketawa, tapi dalam hati nobody knows kaedahnya...

Hmmmm.. sabar je laaaa mak ni

take care nok

Belladonna said...

Nok, entry mu ini sungguh mendalam bunyiknya. Aku tak berapa paham few sentence, nak ngomen takut kang salah cakap plak. Nanti aku tunggu kobau bangun and explain kat aku naa. Nanti aku sambung comment ku ini :)

Anyway, mari kita altantuya employer yang tak reti appreciate workers!