About Me

Sunday, December 17, 2006

Heroes & Villains


Apart from the people that I work with, the other only person that seems interested in what I do for a living is someone that happened to go to the same UNI as me,now a successful solicitor,happily married to another solicitor (takde orang lain ke?) with a kid and just recently resumed contact with me via internet.Ohpocotmakhang...she stumbled upon my blog,she recognised the writing style and send me an email of enquiry.And I replied to set herself right.Naib baiklah tak ada cerita-cerita saucy dalam my posting and I will be mistaken as Mona Gersang author.This shy lady (dulu la) pernah bersama-sama with me working in NCUK magazine team as a ahli sidang redaksi (anybody knows what is sidang redaksi in English?)

I wish to set the story or expectation straight...majority of those who reads my blog think that I'm an human analyst.I fix the disturbed and mend the troubled.Tak betul.Human being is something another human can't fix and mend.I have a industrial varieties of background.Legal,banking,airlines,entertainment and the hotel.In those years, neither that I have mend nor fixing people,apart from myself,if I want to be considered fixed.Life lesson is all about do it and prompt.We do what we learn and prompt ourselves not to repeat mistakes.I don't do that thing where they ask you to lay yourself on the couch and start talking your shit.My life is shit as it is and I don't think I can take yours.

What I do is....life-coaching on a regular basis and pay, intensive therapeutic emotional care to a specific individual who are unable to reach out, also on regular pay and interpreting cognitive understanding of certain behavior (on voluntary to accumulate clinical hours) I have a title for that,tapi sungguh benci to address myself as one as it is merely elephant.Sialan pay.But because I am such a cheap date, my self maintenance is not exorbitantly high.I hardly go out on leisure because once upon a time,I 'leisured' enough.My vice is always CD's but now, thank you so much to the modern technology,I download what I like rather than combing through HMV or Virgin Megastore.It is psychologically bad because I am now deprived from the mental gratification that can only be achieved by going out and inhale the fresh air.Can't win kan? Because I am such a bitch that memilih-milih makan, my choice of favourite foods is limited.So,I do not have the capacity to spend extra money to try on new foods.So in short words,my rather 'sialan' pay now doesn't bother me that much as my life overhead cost is so low.But sometimes it is just so orgasmic to have money that is berkepuk-kepuk.

So, I am like you, a person who hold a regular job and pay.Enough to pay for the things I want.So,back to my friend who thought from what she read that I am somekind of a medical marvel.She contacted me for a reason,basically.They have a son who is genetically affected and now developing a sign of autism.

My friend,like other apprehensive parents of a similar situation is badly affected by this.And because of this,they decided not to have another child.Well,it is genetically proven defect but however, as a Muslim or any other religion believers,there is also kuasa-kuasa tuhan that can appear unexpectedly.She want me to tip her on fixing her son that by the sound of it have a 'massive' behavioural issue.

The last I spoken to her was last week.I said that I can promise anything (plus telling her that I don't analyse children) but what I can do is to point her into right direction.I also explain the fact that 'we' as in individual of a similar profession don't extend service to friends & family as it will be inappropriate to have a case close to home.Blatant example,it is better to have a stranger living with you than your own friends or relatives...can you see why? I certainly hope one of this days she will read this and for you who knows any parents with similar problems,feel free to share the tips.

Here goes.Not many people are fortunate.We are born with flaws,either visible or not and it can appear in many terms,physical and emotional.Some hereditary and some,just chemical.As a adult (or parents) we are expected to understand the flaw of our young ones, simply because they have difficulties understand it themselves,in fact in many occasions,people with flaws will not conscious about their flaws until the die.This usually in emotional/psychological flaws.Some parents made a big mistakes by having expectation so very early,and often get their hope dashed when it didn't happen.Child are growing from the day the were born until they are 10.They will absorb feelings that are visualised to them during that years and we have to be very careful in visualising action as such during that sensitive age.I feel very sorry for the eldest child as indirectly hope are raised on them,they will grow up having emotional burden that they themselves can't identify until they were 10.I have no advise on how to deal with them children scientifically but parents, stop putting on hope on your babies until they are 15.We must not mature before our time and if we does,we have got to deal with massive blow of running before learning how to walk.

Child at that sensitive age expect to be love and not judge.Well, it is very sad that they were born with disability,but rather than busy thinking of ways fixing them,we must accept that however disabled,they are ours to love and care.Cacat or tak cacat sama saja.If the unaffected can learn to walk when they're ready,the affected must be treated the same.I have this problem within my family.My sister's 2nd child is almost five and still verbally impaired.She is lucky that her parents took their time to teach her according to her own pace.Yang masalahnya orang-orang sekeliling yang mulut cabul mengata.Eh..apasal anak kau tak pandai cakap lagi...pergilah jumpa Speech Therapist bagai...ohh for god sake.Nak bagi suggestion pun, janganlah cakap depan budak tu...first she is not bodoh,she understand that you are talking ill about her...and 2nd, by 'criticising' budak tu about her 'flaws',will only make her emotionally isolate.She will know that is something wrong with her and she will resort to isolate herself only with people she knows that don't think bad of her.Can you imagine kalau mulut-mulut cabul tu mak bapak sendiri?

Child under the age of 15 have no one to depend on to apart from their parents.If you make your self appear to them as this 'stern fixer' rather than a loving parents,you might end up with a difficult kids.Remember this,you are their first judge of character.It won't help if you're judgemental.I have seen the result of a child with judgemental parents.They are now living in my unit and trying to learn the skills to be love by others.Because nobody loves them as that little child before.

I remembered this couple in Jalan Athinahappan 2 (where my father used to live) have what the neighbour's called a sissy son.They,against all odds,accepted their son effeminacy and stood by him.He is of course turned out to be a charming gay man in TTDI.He acknowledged his flaws and told people that the reason he is still here is because of the love of his parents.Like others similar men,they received taunts and mistreatment all the way up to adulthood where he can stand up for himself.I can only imagine what sort of abuse they get at that age and even now.But believe me, they don't need no gay right activist or apa-apa therapist,they just need their parents.

Hope this help.Just love, don't discriminate.


9 comments:

lekiu said...

I think having children is a seriously enormous responsibility. It is a very intimidating undertaking once you start thinking how much the environment you set up for the child will eventually determine what type of person the child would one day become. Not to mention the genetic makeup the child will inherit.

Sometimes the child become an extension of our hopes and dreams that we are either too afraid to carry on or unable for a variety of reasons to carry on.

Every parent will tell you the joy of parenthood, but if you start thinking about the kind of world that would be in the future, you become a little bit apprehensive on the thought of having children. The world has become more violent, the social and economic cleavage has widen tremendously, intolerance has become a norm, climatically, the earth will be another Mars, food will become scarce in the future due to the rising population. There are hundred of reasons why you might not want to have children.

Maybe I am making up excuses again because of my fear of commitment, this time towards an unborn child.

Han said...

As always LeQ, you're talking about you.Hehehe...now we know how penakut you really are....(cisss mulutku, ada yg kena saman ni)

Lee Novotny said...

Mak pun u ols ad-dinch laa children nih..tersekat laa aktiviti we ols kalau ada anak kecik ke hapa...mak tak relaaaaaaaaa!!! **matilaa selfish!

lara said...

NCUK? Hmmmm...

Han said...

lara...NCUK? Hmmmmm too...

Amboi Lee...nak anak express aje, (sambil menahan diri dari chilli tuna & asam-asam)

Lee Novotny said...

Mak pun "NCUK???" hmmmmmmmmm ehh mak mmg sidang ridaksi...bleyy??? :P **matilaa pecs lobs

Han said...

Hmmm...NCUK...kita 3....siapakah kita bertiga? NCUK hmmmm lagi...

Belladonna said...

I think children kan, no matter how many flaws pun diorang ada.. kalau diberi perhatian & love secukupnya, insyallah bila besar ada IQ dan EQ sama rata gitteww. Barulah ble reach their full potential kan? Tapi aku takde ada anak, so aku maybe salah teori..maklumlah pandai cakap je

Err, sidang redaksi dalam english bukan 'editorial team' ke?

Anonymous said...

Really?