About Me

Friday, December 22, 2006

Bad Feeling

I was in this conversation with my client today about him doing some growing up.From a child to an adult.Psychologically.The thing with Social Services in the Uk is that an infant to 16years old,if placed in care will be classified under Children Services.Age 16 to 65 should go under Adult Services and after that,nursing home for the 'kertus' lah sambil menunggu appointment dengan Funeral Director lah kira-kiranya.

The thing started when we asked him to pack his bag for his Xmas holiday (thank god dia akan berambus for a good 2 weeks) and he was rather hysterical when we asked him to pack his toiletries.Katanya everything will be provided at his foster parents.My client ni ada issue sikit pasal spending money.Haji Bakhil gittew.Kalau pergi shopping, he will opt for the Tesco Value item (the things that will not cost him more than 30p or less) rather than Tesco Finest.Beli toiletries pun yang cekai-cekai brand.Punyalah taknak spend money for good things that can make him smells rather better than sewage pond (Ya Allah, bau ketiak...bangkai tikus pun wangi) In the end, I made changes in his care plan.We prompt him to get nicer things for his age,better foods,better clothes and better toiletries.It was a battle tapi,atas kepakaran I ber 'argue', the Care Management seems to see my point of view.When packing today, he seems to think that he don't need to carry his toiletries bag,as all will be provided by his foster parents.He already trying to get out of buying them a meal for a good Xmas gesture by making excuse that they rather eat a home cooked meal.Kedekut..kedekut.I was at the end of my tether keep trying to make him see sense why he need to pack the toiletries bag starting from he is not a child anymore where he must now take responsibility of his own making sure he has enough intimate things when travelling and whereby when we generally visits people house eventhough they are our family, we must not expect people to cater everything.In the end sebab dah ada audience (clients lain) terpaksalah I pakai kuasa veto...I'm not having anymore conversation about your toiletries with you.Pack them in your bag.Doesn't matter if you're going to use it or not.Is that clear? Dia angguk.Tapi masih tak bergerak.Am I talking to myself? Dia pun terus...okay and terus masuk bilik.After 5 minutes,from my office I terdengar dia making phone call to his foster dad,complaint to him that I paksa dia pack his toiletries.I marched straight to him and 'Let me speak to him'.Hah...terkebil-kebil dia tengok I cakap dengan bapak angkat dia.When finished,haruslah aku jadi Best Speaker Pidato Piala Perdana (sayangkan...MRSM tak qualify...kalau tak harus jadi juara every year...sebab ramainya pemidato yang suka berpropaganda dalam surau tu, cisss ...Ibadat ke Gossip?) I tell you, kenkadang I selalu lupa yang I kerja dengan orang yang betul-betul tak paham bahasa.I cakap kat dia...You are unbelievably ridiculous.Which part of not talking about it again that you don't understand? You want to argue about your toiletries? What is the matter with you? Am I not making sense at all? Dia pun jawab 'yeah..a bit'.Aku dengan kasarnya 'Yes or No?' Dia pun terkebil-kebil..yes.Aku dengan sarcasm yang diimport dari kahwin dengan orang putih 'Who else are you calling after this to complaint? Tony Blair? Terus dia gelak....(aku lah yang habis energy)

It was unprofessional of me to marah-marah like that but you know,when you have extra growth in between your anus that annoyingly painful and the thickness of the fog that didn't seem to want to die down,sometimes you can't cage your annoyance any longer than you should.Without him knowing (sebab dia takde social skill) I try to make up by chatting to him in car all the way to Essex today.Suddenly I feel like a parent telling my little boy how I want things to be good for him.Pikir-pikir balik, when I was younger after dimarah dek my father, tak pernah pulak dia buat session slow talk macam tu.It was always my mother who will use the session dalam kereta (tak boleh escape,kang mati pulak jatuh keluar kereta) who will keep on 'Ibu and Abah sayang kat XXXX ..pasaltu lah kena marah...nak XXXX jadi orang elok-elok bila besar'.Bukannya Ibu Abah benci....dong deng dong deng....campur dengan sejarah silam they all yang baik dengan parents they all (ye ke? How will I know? I wasn't even been born) By the way XXXX bukan ayat carut,but my nickname yang I tak nak publish kat uols.

I look at today,I regret not spending a loving daugther mother relationship with my mother...and always see myself as anak Abah yang garang itu.The amount of psychoteraphy that I had enough to make me forgive and regret what I missed.Bila I balik recently when my mother drop me off at the station, I climb the co pilot seat to give her a hug,something that I was too shy too do for a long,long time.Budak yang I marah tu dahlah kena put into care dari kecik,dah lah ada birth defect yang dia sendiri tak paham, aku yang 'pandai' (bolehlah) ni pulak yang takde perasaan.

I have no intention to be a parent,pasalnya I am this very conventional person who wanted a mum and dad to form a reliable partnership to mendidik anak.I'm not at all good in giving and sharing.Camana nak form a good partnership? The incident only to prove betapa tak layaknya I jadi parent.

I'm going to bed feeling shitty as usual.My judgement was badly clouded by the stupid fog.Well,as usual,I will talk myself out of it.I usually does.

5 comments:

Lee Novotny said...

Bravo nok for being sooo Diva Professional about it..kalo u ols biorkan dia dok cakap bukan bukan ngan bapak angkat dia tuh, sah sahlah nanti bapak angkat make a complaint ke hapa towards u ols,kan??? Mmg pemidato terbaik... walaupun dlm keadaan molot belakang tuh amsih sakit..nok, mak nak bagitahu, lain kali kalau tido, u ols baring tapi kepala letak dua tiga bijik bantal and kaki tuh u ols (hmmm how can I explain).. ok u ols baring macam pompuna ngandung nak tengah ebranak..bleyy?? haa camtulah elok, bagi more blood flow towards your piles ittew...

On the other note, ittewlah sacrifice yang kita kena buat noh? dlm nak mengejar cita cita dan chenta di negara orang, kita terpaksa tinggalkan keluarga tersayang di bumi kelahiran kita... yang fenting we ols kena make sure they know that we still care and never lupakan asal usul kita..ye dak???

Merryx Xmas u ols....sambut ngan Frankie ke idak nih? xxx

Han said...

Sambut Xmas dgn Frankie? Tak kot Lee,hati masih panas dan akan terus panas ni...

lekiu said...

Jangan panas panas hati, tak bagus ... itu yang sembelit tu

:: samasam :: said...

masa i kecik2 dulu, bapak i ajar dgn rotan, kalau gadoh sikit je rotan, tak kira la sapa yg kacau atau dikacau. ayah i takde maknanya nak slow talk slow talk, even nak ambik tahu pasal i dgn adik beradik i punya study pon x sgt. yg caring semua ialah my mum, dia yg selalu slow talk slow talk, tp kdg2 tak tahan gak sbb ada je benda yg nak ditegur dan dickp kan. anyway, ada satu hari tuh, i mcm marah sgt dgn my dad sbb dia asikla dgn attitudenya yg suka marah2, moody and asik2 merotan je anak2nya and then i ckp kat ayah i, abah marahla kita nih teruuk2 nanti bila abah tua tada sapa nak jaga abah. terus abah i terdiam gituh. hmm....

lara said...

My sayang and I had always wanted to raise a kid but our distance and situation made it impossible to make any move towards that. Now we are living separate lives, so there goes the last dash of hope. Anyway, when I'm ready, I'll go for it. On my own. But a dear friend, who has a son of her own, once said to me that one can never be ready for that. I dunno, really, let's find out.

What I do know is something's wrong somewhere - I can't access blogger at all these past two days.