About Me

Friday, May 15, 2009

My Autistic Child

One of my closest cousin called me last night...to tell me news about her daughter.

The girl is 4 this year and is their only child. My cousin wanted another but hubby not very keen. With they both working, hubby feels that she ought to wait until their eldest 'besar sikit' then baru buat another. My cousin mulalah berpikir yang bukan-bukan whereby I keep telling her that hubby's excuse is valid. He is being practical...I told her that (maaf you all) orang melayu, yang jantan tak ramai yang practical. It is like having banyak anak or beranak cepat-cepat macam nak show off dengan sedara mara and to prove a point yang depa orang tu sihat lah gamak nya.

My cousin's daughter was only recently diagnosed having Autistic Spectrum Disorder. Her speech was delayed and tah hapa-hapa lagi lah developmental yang kiranya slow (Ohh..I wouldn't know) but I keep telling her don't rush things...bebudak tak semestinya berjalan when they reach 1. She is all that stressed and somehow I secretly think that maybe hubby taknak grant her wish for another baby, kalau dah sorang camni punya stress, kalau 2,3?

I keep telling her not to worry and to keep only with her daughter's pace. She seem to hang on to her paedtrician's words. Orang kata anak you autistic, after test itu, ini..score certain points and teruslah my cousin ni gundah gulana...tak cukup dengan gundah gulana aje, she has now saying that the hubby is not supportive.

See, people like asking you for advice. But, they not necessarily want to listen.We often stuck between two or maybe three junctions here...nak dengar cakap orang ke or nak dengar kata-kata expert ke or, buat research sendiri, satisfy our own worries etc, etc.

My patients are mostly Autistic adults. Adalah sana sini underlying issues but diagnosis they all tu sama aje. We all semua ada autistic traits but the good thing is it is too minor that we are aware of it and made jokes out of it. Some people can't. That's how she/he is.

My heart goes to all young parents with disable child. Autism is a form of brain defect. Tak boleh nak ubat pun but boleh diperguna dengan cara yang betul. Macam orang yang lahir takde tangan lah...make do aje lah dengan apa yang ada...who knows they never need the hands anyway..kan?

I nak cakap dengan my cousin tu, kalau anak dia slow, biarlah dia slow, sebab dah memang tu speed nya. She should just learn to be patient a bit more and find out a way to help the child without making it a great big issue. People with Autism have a mind of their own, nak bagi input lebih-lebih to keep up with kanak-kanak normal pun tak leh juga.The last thing you want to do is to impose more psychological damage.

There's plenty of evidence of break up marriage and keluarga tunggang langgang dek tak boleh nya nak cope dengan disable/problematic child. What we can do is to treat them like a human...kalau budak, layan macam budak lah...kalau dah dewasa, layan macam dewasa. Don't discriminate. We often think that discriminating is to single out one of another, but layan seseorang tu lebihan biasa dari orang lain sebab dia ada disability pun kira discriminate juga.

Tu lah dia aku nak bagi message secara telepathy kat my cousin ni...harap-harap dia dengar lah hendaknya.

5 comments:

Manal said...

NI pon mesti kes compare dgn anak org lain. Mesti sakit hati kan tgk budak lain cakap petah and mcm2 perangai and the grownups pon mulaaa laaa aaawww pandai nya dia, comelnya...etc...

I ade sorg adek yg pelat sampai darjah satu. Pastu dia dpt cikgu yg garang, but he's also quite hyperactive that my dad mmg selalu gak la rotan dia , libas dgn belt and so on. But my parents persevered n byk berdoa. Now he is a lawyer.

Having kids demand our utmost commitment n patience gitewww. kalau tak, toksah la make babies, pi la apply for baby adoption or just dont make them at all.They are god's gift whether they are perfectly formed or with some disabilities. Its also God's way of testing their faith too. Memang la cakap mmg senang and orang yg kena tu lagi perit menanggung derita, but to me la, we have the responsibility to look after what God gifted to us. Remember Forrest Gump? his mum tried whatever she cud to make her slow-witted son a useful man.

Keep loving the child, kan makji? And somehow or rather, mothers/parents have to make a huge sacrifice for the sake of their own kids. Kang jadi mcm Rainman kena pisah dari family sndiri.

Anonymous said...

betul tu makji...the most important thing is to make the child feels he/she is loved by the parents, dgn rasa disayangi dia akan feel secure and inshaAllah she/he will be able to achieve something, biar le lambat pun apa salahnya, dah nama pun autistic kan, so ni kanak2 istimewa, jgn bagi pressure sudah, kesian budak tu...

yatie

nbns said...

Makji,

Not wanting to divert the attention to me, myself and i, tp kalo anak tu anak org lain yg wa dah jadi instant maknya, cemano lah nak menahan sabo tu ye. Sabo wa ni mcm kulit bakteria je tebalnya. Last2 wa ignore aje budak tu...kijam nak mampos.

Kot2 wa ni yg autistic.

Dem.

-nbns-

Anonymous said...

i ni pun sendiri memang ada anak yang slow learner...dugaan tu memang banyak sebab orang kita kan suka tanya sekolah macamana dah pandai ker tidak...itu ini bla..bla. Anak i ni memang lambat cakap, bila pegi sekolah tu problem la. Lain pula dengan jiran yang anaknya semua dapat A lah kalau periksa tu...dan i akui memang sakit hati cerita anak kita di jajanya dengan jiran sebab anak i tak pandai macam anak diaorang. Tapi i tabahkan hati dan ajar anak i ikut kemampuan dia takde nak paksa-paksa takut lagi dia boring nak belajar.

amris said...

Esah, aritu aku tgk Oprah pasal Autism nie..mmg it takes time tp ade seorg budak tuh , mak dia amik early intervention, sekrg dh leh ckp mama... tp sometimes massih dlm dunia nya sendiri..let me tell you a little secret...ask yr cousin to bring her child to an acupuncturist..acupuncture can do wonders you know..better than nothing..