2 Count Of Dismissal

Last Wednesday, I was asked by the big-big boss to 'dismiss' someone...hmmm, kononnya, on the ground of gross misconduct dengan breach of contract. The message came via Miss Nigeria...and Miss Nigeria dengan penuh distress, teruslah telephone I. My alasan was simply, can't do it now, I'm on annual leave.Bosses insisted that I must do it and shouldn't delagate task like this to the assistant.I was so stressful that I asked MB2 to mix my coke with vodka so that I can go to sleep.(Waduhh..mana perginya ciri-ciri keislaman ku?) Whatever people may think and say (not that I bother) my best sleeping aid is alcohol and a this very special massage over my head that only mother,Mak Badak and F know how to do it.

I want to tell you this, as much as I love the control and power in my hand, I really hate to manage people as they all come in various specifications. That includes me. Bad enough that you have to deal with yourself on a regular basis and now, you have 10. As a leader, tak banyak sikit, job will made easier if your orang bawahan likes you. It is hard to be liked because sometimes, you are force to work with someone that is even difficult to like. My previous boss always dubbed my team a regime where how things goes is the way I fancy. He somehow said it was not a bad thing because there is a mixture between care,influence and perfection...

I was summoned to the head office first thing Friday morning. The Bossess as usual detected my weakness and reflect them back to me. It is funny that when we are with the client, our weapon is always a good choice of words and the perfect choice will get you through the horrendous day. However, this seem not to be the case with my Bosses and me, or shall I put it, The Bossess versus The Bodoh Nak Mampus Employee. Big Boss went, you have to dismiss them! I went, pleading for the Bodoh one, she is still on probation...I appreciate the seriousness of the mistake, but is there anyway around it? She is a good Team Member, very qualified. Big Boss went again...what ever that happened shouldn't be happening in the first place...you said she is qualified and experienced, and why is this happening?

To cut the story short, Big Boss leave it for me to decide. But I know, they will be happy if I sack this girl. I summoned her to my office when I arrived at the project. She dah nangis-nangis dah...I was so lemah if orang nangis-nangis ni, in the end, I issued her with the warning, demand that she pay the damage and I decided to have her permanent contract revoke. She should be happy for that, at least she still have a job and if anything, entitle for a reference from me. I was back to my usual self, telling her to start anew and do not repeat the same mistake again. We had cappuccino and gelak-gelak like biasa....something that my boss baru tegur...you really have to start drawing a line between you and them. That is why they can easily manipulate you....(tak terpikir ke dek dia maybe ada orang yang jenis suka kena manipulate?)

I just hope that I don't have to do this again...well, that job is lot easier if I hated that person or if they annoy me big big time. I just wish I have the job that don't involve people that much.

On a sad note, one of my client passed away at 11.30 pm just now. I worked with her couple of years ago and sometimes visits her whenever possible. She recently invited me for her birthday party and I was too busy to attend, only if I knew it was her last...

Her sudden death saddened me although on another hand, she is now in safe hands. I always wonder how will she cope in future. She was a special girl. Lucy Dunleavy, rest in peace.

Soapland Yang Tak Perlu

Well, I do have to apologise to those yang tak tahu benda on what I'm going to blog about. But for those yang pernah or masih lagi tersangkut kat negara bercap mohor kan ER ni (ever wonder what is that ER bloody mean?) must be familar with all the soap-soap opera yang gigih ditayangkan kat BBC,ITV & Channel 5 ni. Lahanat-lahanat yang under my observation ni kerja diorang, selain dari menyakitkan hati aku dan Health Worker-Health Worker yang lain is menengok cerita-cerita soap ni. To them, the soapland is so real that anything that happened 'in there' is affecting them 'out here' badly.

Soap stories ni is very addictive. I'm surprised that amid my busy schedule, I still have time for them. Walaupun disindir-sindir oleh my colleague (yang kunun nya...maha professional itu...podahhh) I still maintain that all those soap memang patut ditengok, good for people like us (I dengan mereka-mereka yang perasan professional ni) for case referencing. Ye lah...client-client kami kan semuanya ada life problems yang boleh dibuat script cerita-cerita soap ni...

Nak kata hero-hero Eastenders,Coronation Street,The Bill (to name a few) henskem-henskem, tak adalah. Dressing adalah ala Pakcik-Pakcik. Female actor, okaylah...cantiklah sikit, but takdelah secantik bintang-bintang pelem yang tersohor a.k.a. Catherine Zeta Jones or Sandra Bulldog itu...but selalunya, soap star yang takdelah cantik sangat ni, role dalam soap stories ni selalunya, kalau tak dapat watak jadi 'cheap tart', they are either psycho killer or pompuan yang ber isu-isu dalaman.

In my opinion, whatever that I learned from watching those episodes does help. Ber affair dengan laki orang, kena sexually abuse masa kecik-kecik, chenta 18 segi (3 segi tu kira kecik sangat lah pulak) semua masalah dunia tu adalah masalah yang I dengar hari-hari. Honestly, soapland issue dengan issue manusia yang tak hidup dalam soapland ni, bogged down to one similar cirscumstances, that is, people are good at blaming others than themselves. A sex addiction sufferer once told me that his problem berpunca dari mak bapak nya. His marriage didn't work salah mak, his wife that understanding salah bapak. Salah dia tak ada langsung. Okay...we now must know that our parents takdelah perfect, although, sebagai anak orang Melayu & Islam, we are taught to look up to our parents like god...okay, I shouldn't generalised, my life is my own example. I maybe a lot lucky than some others yang underprivilledge. My parents union doesn't last long but enough to made all of us, anak-anak ini, understand that marriage between two people is always going to be between two people only, yakni laki and bini. I must admit that there was a time that I was desperately unhappy with my life and part of it to do with my parents. Again, I was lucky that I quickly snapped out of it. You have got to tell yourself, enough is enough. This is my life now and I got to make it work.Parents will always be the pair that produced you and they deserve respect and love. And here I am trying to make things work for myself...at the same time, coming to term with the fact that once upon a time, there is more influential force that think they know what is best for me. Things doesn't always turn out to be so rosy, and how long more should you wallow your self pity ?

My own soapland now ni dah come out with new episode, iaitu luka lama dah start nak berdarah kembali. As I have admitted to all of you unrelentlessly, I haven't really got over it. I told F about him and we know that this is part of my past that I will have to deal with in more years to come. (Dia jangan berani nak marah-marah I, ex-gf dia pun sekoyan...tu tak termasuk yang duduk sepelaung dari rumah dia) I have done with nangis-nangis...in fact, I don't think I will cry if I ever see him again, much too old for that. I'm not sure bakar kepala dia is desirable either. But I know what sort of a person he is (well, not to sure now, people can change overnight) he is keen to keep in touch, nak suruh aku ni kembali ke pangkuan ke?

Tangan dah semakin gatal nak reply his email, nak jugak cakap ' I never stop thinking about you', but for what? That bit is true...that I never stop thinking about him but I can assure myself (or you) that is nothing malicious underneath it. But,I am not single anymore and why am I still harping on it? Jawapannya cuma satu kan? Gatal, atas bawah gatal...ni lah masalah dalam soap opera I sekarang ni...

All day at work today (nampak sangatlah makan gaji buta, tak buat kerja, dok memikir masalah lain) I wonder what was the motive, mine and his.Why is he emailing me after 8 years ago, I told him not to...and why am I anxious tahap gajah Afrika ni? Kata dah moved on...moved on hapa kebenda ni? I guess what it is, is that I, like any other overanxious woman that will troll over every damn mite on their beds, needed closure, if not, maybe this is just pure curiousity.Not enough that I have been deafened by my thought yang bukan-bukan ( haiyoo..drama nya) I can't help to want to kill my curiosity (bad enough it kills the cat!!!)

So, wait up. Stay tune to the kesudahan cerita soap mengarut ni.

Closure Of The Enclosure?

I wonder if orang-orang lelaki melayu kita ni teramatlah mementingkan semangat perkahwanan lebih dari Playstation 2 diorang tu? They'll do anything for mates and tak kisahlah kalau kena sembur ridsect sekalipun, as they said, 'He is my mate, I'll do anything...' .Well, read on.

If you scroll back, you may have read about how I painstakingly trying to avoid my school friends kerana semuanya mempunyai pertalian air liur dengan ex boifren aku itu. Pertalian air liur ? The needs of bertegur-tegur sapa, bertanya-tanya khabar and berforward-forward email hatta joke bangang sekali pun. Ni lah susahnya bercinta monyet, pasalnya, salah satu dari hobby monyet ni ialah bergantungan bersama-sama, satu kisah cinta, seluruh perkampungan monyet akan tahu.Dah itulah nasibku.

My feelings for that bloody monyet has long gone (I still beg to differ) and he the monyet dah pun selamat sejahtera living comfortably in his sanctuary. He should stay put and jangan lagi menunjukkan mukanya kat I. Late last year, I accidently ter keep in touch pulak dengan another monyet and he is also a best friend si monyet celaka ini. Although I thought, okaylah...kita sama-sama dah tua, jodoh dah tak ada, maka tak ada apa-apa lagi yang patut dikesalkan, I replied his mail and when he was in London for a business trip, I took up the opportunity to meet up. On his email to me, si kawan ni tanpa ditanya teruslah update I pasal cerita monyet bekas boifen ku itu. Keluarlah cerita yang monyet tu dah menduda...(padan muka lu) and that the duda monyet pujaan Malaya tu is keen to keep in touch dengan I. (Eh...kenapa plak cari I, kahwin lah dengan si Sofea Jane & Julia Rais tu) Katanya nak berkawan-kawan. Well, mulut I nak je cakap, gi lah berkawan dengan monyet lenlain kan..tak dapat kawan dengan monyet pun, kawan lah dengan gorilla, cikah, siamang and any similar species. But we human are blessed with the ability to hold the told and untold version of stories. Politely I bagitau si kawan ni, tak payah keep in touch lah...bukannya boleh jumpa pun....tapi, hati ni macam kena garu je nak cakap benda yang tak keluar dari mulut...as in cadangan supaya monyet celaka itu melebarkan sayap perkahwanan nya dengan species-species monyet yang disebutkan tadi.

I was being very honest to tell this kawan that although me and monyet idaman Malaya tu dah takde apa-apa, I will always remember him as a very special person. 10 years bersangkutan atas pokok bersama-sama (walaupun in between dia ada affair dengan monyet lain) mana boleh lupa macam tu saja kan? And because of that, I strongly feel that we shouldn't keep in touch. I'm not sure lah pulak by saying that, I have inadvertantly ter suggest kat kawan ni, that giving him the impression yang I masih ada hati lagi kat monyet idaman Malaya tu.

Sekarang ni, monyet idaman Malaya tu dah ada email address I, thanks to his mate yang that day masa aku belanja dia makan toasted salmon bagel, dah bersumpah demi Allah tak nak distribute my email address. Ni bukanlah tuduhan melulu, siapa lagi yang jadi Yellow Pages nya kalau tak si kawan ni? Something abouts boys, they are not good at keping secrets and doing their female friends a favour. Tapi, kalau cover lubang untuk puak-puak dia tu, jadi saja. And we the girls, selalulah yang terkedek-kedek cover kebuayaan jantan-jantan ni.

Getting email from the man who broke my heart to pieces is something I don't need at this precise moment. Why? Tak suka ke tengok aku happy? Tangan I gatal betul nak reply, sudah-sudah...you made your choices...tak yah lah nak tanya khabar nak apa-apa lagi. Blah lah. Bunyi macam hostile aje. Terlampau hostile kang dikata masih ada hati...tak pun, dituduh meroyan. Ni dah tahun 2007 ni, tak nak lah pulak dapat title Pompuan Tak Vouge kan? Macam mana pun ditinggal laki boifren, we all must lah maintain aksi-aksi, 1 pergi 1000 mari....walaupun hati nak pecah. Talking about getting wiser lah.. But at 34, you obviously can do better than when you're 24....I guess, if I am still 24, my reply to him will be this,

Dear Sam,

Ohoooo....kau dah bercanda dipasiran pantai dengan orang lain, sekarang baru nak kat aku balik ye? Podahhhh!!!

Sekian, Semoga kau mati dilenyek bas METRO. (Perlu ke ni)

But, on the other hand, this man was my rock, my shinning armour and the love of my life. I can't possibly send that kind of mail. But he hurt me so deep that one time, I tak mandi, tak makan (tak makan pun tetap tak slim) and tak pergi kerja. At this age with greener maturity, I may write this,

Sam,

It's been a long time. I am so touched that you have gone for all this trouble. It is nice to know that you are well and I'm sorry about XXXXXX. Well, I guess, something was just not meant to be. Whatever it is, I'm sure you are holding up well.

As much as I love to be in a speaking/writing term with you again, just like old time, I truly believe that our past is best to be left behind where we no longer can see or hear from it. We have both moved on. I have, although it is not the easiest thing to do. I will remember you in my thoughts however I rather not at all. This must come to an end.

Pecah kaca pecah gelas.....(ni memanglah tak perlu....)

You Guys Really Have To Stop Smoking...

As a public spirited citizen, not to mention didikan ganas ayahanda yang juga mengandungi segala bentuk larangan keras yang tak patut dilakukan selagi tak pass SPM, iaitu terdiri daripada

a) No TV during exam season melainkan Warta Berita sahaja!!!
b) No visit to funfair
c) No game and watch (bye bye Popeye)
d) Jangan keluar rumah sampai maghrib baru balik
e) Takde CINTA-CINTA (sebutan baku ye you all)
f) No drugs, No Loud Musics, No Party

dan bermacam-macam lagi larangan, enough to make me feel like a adopted daughter to my own father...(ni lah pasalnya, banyak sangat tengok cerita Indonesia, kau itu cuma anak angkat..mengerti? Dan diiringi petir serta kilat sabung menyabung....and of course, air mata berbaldi-baldi...cheeeeaaahh!!!)

I think sampai lah ke zaman ni, my father masih belum ada syak wasangka yang anak gadis (hehehe) kesayangan nya ini pernah ada involvement with illegal substance, maklum lah, pelakon handalan Malaya. Well, I was young and stupid, tak masuk lagi dengan peer pressure yang mengarut-ngarut as in merokok, membela ekor and ada ketika terlibat dalam adegan bermain batu (as in English translation nya...) Setakat escape pergi pekan dari pintu pagar sekolah and memonteng dengan jaya nya tu kira soft-soft criminal lagi tu.Pun ayahanda tak tau...ketahuilah oleh mu ayahanda ku, walaupun ayahanda rasa ayahanda adalah human lie detector, anakanda yang comel ni telah beberapa kali berjaya mengkelepet ayahanda. Rokok-rokok Salem Hijau yang ayahanda terjumpa dalam glove box tu bukanlah office mate anakanda yang punya...tapi, itulah senjata yang anakanda bawa untuk pergi clubbing.

Well, above is not the point why I insist on updating my blog today, albeit kerja-kerja banyak kat atas meja.Did I tell you that Mak Badaks smokes? They smokes like chimneys and dragon...so, kepulan asap yang keluar dari apartment kami ni, samalah banyak nya dengan kepulan asap dari the 2 famous big chimneys kat Sheffield nun. I have been a passive smoker for the last 8 years, not only that I have been inhaling smoke passively, aku juga kerap menjadi mangsa disuruh keluar senja-senja sejuk tu demi mendapatkan bekalan tembakau di garage-garage berhampiran.Demi menjaga hati dan perasaan dan juga demi untuk dapat makan home cooked food, I turutkan jua.

Nak dijadikan cerita, I decided to re arrange and kemas sikit my bedroom today.It was a bit untidy because I decided to do work from home, maka file bersepah-sepah diatas carpet with papers every where. Mak Badak told me that my room look hideous from afar (eleh...bilik hang tu yang bau like Ikan Masin, aku tak cakap apa pun) and Mak Badak being Mak Badak, terus lah bagi I dia punya Lilian Too speech, as in, tak elok rumah tak kemas, rezeki tak masuk cong ceng cong ceng...feng shui bla bla...

Bila dia dah cakap macam tu, mulalah aku ni rasa guilty conscious kan, takut bila rumah (bilik) kotor and I pulak yang punya angkara, maka seluruh rumah jatuh miskin, and as a true Capricornian yang fully motivated by wealth and power and I myself can get turn on by truckloads of money, nasihat-nasihat tajam camtu selalunya berkesan lah.And yes, I did tidy up my room. I also decided to do some ironing and masa nilah nak simpan segala thick-thick jacket yang bakal meruntuhkan my clothes hanger and keluarkan all my summer clothing.Dalam lipat gosok kain tu, I perasan baju-baju I yang baru basuh ni semua nya dah takde lagi bau softlan tapi, bau nyaman softlan itu telah direplace dengan bau asap rokok yang maha kejam tu. Mak...sentapz okay?

I am a one person who is so pedantic about how things has to be. I have to smell nice, regardless tak mandi sekali pun...(we all have moment of malas mandi) okay, point taken, we are blessed with the weather that is hardly making me perspire and produce bad odour.My clothes needs to be rinse with a special fragrant conditioner yang at the same time boleh mewangikan my room.And to have all my clothes bau tembakau hangus, enough to make baling a running hairdryer into their bath.Hambik kau!!!

I have tried effortlessly to ask them to stop smoking, from using the most humane approach as in tak mau diorang mati cepat to how bad they will be financially after spending money on their packets of ciggarettes.Punyalah jahat, I even buat financial chart on how much they can save in a year if they stop smoking and duit tu, boleh disimpan buat bayar deposit rumah baru. Once upon a time, I pernah main sorok-sorok rokok, but, MB2 is the type of person yang tak boleh nak dibawak bergurau, maka dia pun bermasam muka, so, rokok yang ku sorok itu harus keluar dari tempat persembunyiannya...kalau tak, runtuhlah rumahtangga. I even told them how my health was affected by the smoke and how my GP thought I am a chain smoker...and still they are not smoking any less than necessary. Macam cakap dengan dinding.

Although I am against this bad habit, kalau you all nak tau, akulah orangnya yang menjadik supplier...I am the one asking all my travelling friends to buy a cheap ciggarettes for the Mak Badaks to enjoy hence saving money.Aku jugaklah yang selalu bubuh ciggarettes in our shopping list (and paying for it) So, aku pun kira dua kali lima lah kan?

My two friends are a heavy smoker and smokes everyday.People wonder how I can be okay around the smokers and not tempted to try.Well, I have but I am lucky that I was never addicted to it...plus tak kuasa bila mengenangkan kalau lah I terkantoi dengan my father, mana lah nak di taruk muka yang innocent ni? That probably have to do with my father being so strict (as in No Smoking policy kat rumah dia) and a mother that is a health conscious woman, pasalnya dia kerja kat Hospital. Mak Badaks don't read my blog, so maybe, they will not know my plight. I don't know if MB2 secretly read this (dulu ada sekali dia baca, pastu kecik hati, habis bergaduh) but if they do, my baju in my lemari dah habis bau asap rokok you all. Sudah-sudah lah hisap rokok...nanti kalau satu hari nanti rumah kita terbakar dek kepanasan asap rokok mu cemana lah pulak ?

England launched a no smoking day last weeks or so....takde nya aku tengok orang makin kurang hisap rokok...

This Accident Happens

Ever since I can remember, I am quite prone on causing injuries to men through their crotch.Ahhh, how can that be? The sound of it is unthinkable. The pemalu one like me (yes, I am) can have an effect on men Wembley Arena ? But believe me, it is true and I have a good memory of how many times, where the location was and the precise time. The last accident being last week, on my way home at Twickenham High Street. That poor bloke is my 6th mangsa. What does that make me then ? Man hitter ke?

Unlike a demure girl, I walk very fast and if you can't differentiate between berjalan kaki ala-ala Naomi Campbell or berlari-lari anak, I may say that I walk at the speed of berlari-lari emak. To me, zaman berjalan slow-slow sambil berpegangan tangan and bersangkutan lengan dengan boyfriends dah lama past dah...the last time I did that was at Subang Parade with my then boyfriend. Masa tu, donia pun tak hengat you all. Chenta maut punya pasal.

The disadvantages of jalan macam gajah ni (the fact that I am 5 ft 8 inch tall contributes to my walking speed) ialah my brake (yakni effect psikologi untuk memberhentikan perjalanan) does not function well. The worst bit of all is that I am so rabun that I can't hardly notice things around me at that speed and my long arms is flailing about as I walk away. How I cause them men injuries is by accidently whacking their 'abang' as they walk past me.So licentious kan?

My first ever 'crash' was at school, somewhere in the northern of Malaysia (I hate that school) I think I was one of the tallest girl and that made me so gawk among the other kids, together with the other 'mak you orang Indonesia' factor. I only hang out with few people and we hanged about at the secluded part of the school area and become gadis pingitan. We ( I lah ni) often get into a panic attack mode everytime we have to expose ourself in the busy area like dewan makan or the Koperasi Sekolah.When the anxiety level is high, mulalah physical movement pun kacau-bilau and all you can think off at that time is to dissapear from the crowd and you need to bergerak secepat mungkin. This poor Sains Tulin boy memang nasib tak baik was walking opposite me sambil memandang ke lain (pandang awek lah kot) and me, also pandang ke lain (truthfully? I was avoiding any count of eye contact, even with beruk) and to my surprise while Si Panjang (habis kantoi nama kat sekolah) jalan macam gajah ni tengah nak buat the great escape, tiba-tiba hayunan lengan and tangan with speed of 50 mph terus menghentam car park Mamat ni.Aduuuuhhhh....konekukeciwa sungguh lah dia masa tu.I still remember his face yang merah padam with the mixture of malu and nak menjerit. Well, I said sorry and dissapear and the next thing, the news of that freaky incident was all over my dorm. Alfian, if you're reading this (I don't think so) I'm so sorry and on that fateful day, I really hope that you are wearing thicker underwear. I hope there is no major damage and I do hope you are by now, are blessed with many,many kids with no problem to consummate your marriage. But if you are still bujang, silalah keep in touch ye...(I hope over the years, you dah tinggi and handsome and kaya)

I even did it on an aeroplane.I don't only whack their willy with my bare hand (haiyooo....macam Julius Caesar aje bunyi nya) I also inflicted men pain using shopping bag, umbrella, library books and latest weapon, my laptop bag. Even now, when I am older with extra amount of femininity (chewwahhhh) like jalan tak lah laju sangat, I still swerved dangerously towards men anu-anu.God helps that I have never got told off and I often got away with smile on my victims face.But I sincerely am sorry for all the crash,hurt and injuries that I have induced them to.

Well, I promise I will be more careful and will look and observe more.On the other hand, I wonder which bit that I tend to lashed at.I seems to remember 'it' being soft, spongy and that funny sensastion when you playing with a flat balloon, ahhh...ni kenalah belajar human (men) anatomy lagi ni...

HARAP MAAF.

P/S - I would like to wish Wan Zaleha Radzi (hamboiii..macam lah dia kenal aku) a happy birthday and many happy returns.

Unknown Secret?

Dengan berat hatinya, after bertangguh-tangguh, I telephoned my father to tell him myself (matilahhh..my sister emailed I, kau bagitau dia sendiri hahhhh...aku tak mau campur...) yang I postpone balik KL. Rasa guilty jugak because for the last 8 years, my younger sister ni selalu jadik mangsa as in 'shoot the messenger' from ayahanda ku itu everytime dia pass on my message kat orang tua tu, and this time, my sister tu dah serik katanya.Hantu betul my sister ni, kasut nak...buat kerja tak nak, but in my heart rasa macam tak adil lah pulak sebab, it is about time I call my father pun, pasalnya, dia dah complaint yang I ni jarang benar nak call dia (bukan hapa, tak suka dengar guilt trip dia tu)

I explained lah kat dia why...at the same time telling him how serious I was in planning to be there pasalnya flight ticket dah booked bagai...maka dia pun okay (I assumed, dia understand lah) Lagi satu info penting untuk you all, my father ni is so good at buat you rasa gerun in his messages to you via his messenger (selalunya adik beradik I lah...) as in you pikir dia akan bantai you habis-habis, but bila you dengan ketar-ketar nya pergi jumpa and cakap dengan dia, takdelah apa-apa pun...and you just start to think, haiyoo..tak ada benda pun, buat habis energy aje aku selama ni rasa takut-takut yang amat sangat.Punyalah influential nya...So, we all pun borak-borak lah (as in me answering his millions questions) and he suddenly asked, what do you do that is making you so busy that you hardly ever have time to see me? Mak oii...cam panah petir. Pom!!! Pom!!! I explained....he was bemused....I explained again....he asked questions, question, questions....and finally he said, I never knew that. Does your mother know?

As I was playing my pc games tadi, I baru lah terkenang yang I ni tak pernah bagitau my father hapa kerja yang I buat kat sini. In my head keep thinking because he never asked, and I know I have nothing much to tell him pasalnya my career la ni, I ni kiranya baru jadi buah cempedak diluar pagar...so, takdelah highly professional cam adik beradik I yang lain. But then, I think again, I was so quiet that I hardly ever talk about myself to him (not to mention how critical he can be)

Now I wonder, does my family know what am I doing now? Maybe they still think that I work closely with money because of my CIMA and B.ScE qualifications. At one time, ayahanda was dead against my skyhigh venture (tapi, marah-marah, tak cakap dengan I, marah kat orang lain, nasib lah kan?) and pastu, he went 'Kau ni nak jadi apa...when I was involved with Jaimie Aditya, Sarah Sechan, Nadia Hutagalung and that lot. And from there, I keep telling myself, look for a proper job...be in his good book (My father definition of proper is working 9-5 and ada office and every weekend menghadap dia, proper job lah tu)

I got the feeling that my sister (yang selalu jadik my orang suruhan tu) knew. Pasalnya, last year dia mintak advise pasal behaviour problem anak dia. My mother? I kind of suspect she knows too, pasalnya when she kemas my bilik last time I went home, she saw my books and commended. But my mother are ever so lovely, she will always 'asal kau selamat' kind of thing and pandai-pandai lah jaga diri. Once upon a time ago, my father's side of family ada jugak nak buat gempar suggesting to my father that my life in the UK ni is so 'mystery' and god knows what I do. Sial. Ikutkan hati, nak I cangkul aje kepala masing-masing tu, but as you grow older and naughty, human curiousity especially curiousity yang ber type macam my relatives ni mesti dilayan dengan jahatnya. That's is what I did.They more curious they get, the more I feed in to their stupid suspicion. Things work very direct with me, if you want to know, you ask. What ever the casualty arisen from dengar cakap orang mestilah ditanggung sendiri or diselesaikan dengan si pembawa berita itu. Betul tak?

I think my family has now resigned to the fact that I am not very good at keeping in touch. I know my sisters are all okay (kadang2 gatal buat purchase order nak kasut tu, handbag ni) my brothers are fine and my parents, god willing, are happy towards their old days ahead. I wish I can tell them that reason behind the irregular contact is that the more closer I get to them, the worst it feels. For those who live essentially alone, I bet that you're trying hard to detach because it is very,very painful to live on your own once you're attached.

I think my father was too occupied (or ill) to notice hence to say anything about my new career. I would have guess and expect that he might say something about having the talent.I'm so used to him being very critical and have lot of says, but this time, he is just asking about the educational side of it.I hope he is proud.

Community Call

Berita panas ni...Brent Council nak demolish Oriental City!!!

Yes you all, I was at Oriental City tadi menikmati roti canai tak frozen and the nasi lemak and suddenly all 3 of us saw many of this hawkers wearing this white T-shirt, emblazoned with 'Save Oriental City'.Yang tak syok tu, dah lah nak di demolish nya tempat ni, takde pulak immediate plan nak relocate hawkers-hawkers ni ke tempat lain...haiyoo..manalah lagi kitorang nak pergi makan Nasi Lemak, Mee Hoon & Roti Canai? Restaurant Mawar (along that Edgware Road) yang lap kaki tu? Nahar Cafeteria a.k.a. MARA House (kat Paddington) yang staff dia semua rasa macam dah jadi jutawan segera hence tak ada motivation langsung nak bagi layanan bagus kat kami yang datang makan ni? Tak kuasa lah you all...To you all student-student melayu yang kerja kat Mawar tu, if you reading this, your layanan sucks...janganlah mimpi nak dapat tips and better exposure, you never know siapa yang datang makan, sombong lah..jawablah mobile phone sambil layan customer..ptuihhh!!!

As I pun tak ramai kawan Melayu, and orang kat Cambridge tu tak pernah lah pulak nak masak gulai ayam cili (yang duduk kat Derby tu jangan cakap lahhhhh, dok gi berjoget aje, bila nak memasak nya) and ajak kami ni datang makan..we really have to depend on Oriental City to makan-makan anything that is 'this close' to malay food.Well, self cooking sometimes, dengan tak cukup original condiment, nak buat tomyam pun, rasa macam sup tomato lah pulak...so, nak tak nak, once a month, kalau kemaruk nak makan karipap, Oriental City has always been the answer.Nak buat karipap sendiri...? Nak uli tepung pun taktau...apatah lagi nak buat inti nya...tu belum masuk part nak buat dia punya finishing touch yang belit-belit tu...

Well, we (as in me, Mak Badak and the other MB) like Oriental City. Nothing is pretentious.The food is priced reasonably,sedap,servis layan diri and there will be no such thing bebudak student Melayu kekwat that layan nak tak nak bila you order your food. That is another story...well, I have nothing against the new age Malaysian student yang datang belajar kat sini...but I think, just because memasing tu datang buat PHD (what's the big deal anyway...kalau dah attitude macam tu) they came with full air and graces and think that you should worship the earth they walk on.Pirrahhh!!! You like to think that for those who reached that tahap study maut sampai nak buat PHD so mentality lain lah kan? Maybe jugak they all they all tu dihantar sini supaya boleh bukak sikit bijik mata and kepala...and belajar membawak diri kat tempat orang.I known a diploma awarded person yang tak pernah keluar Malaysia with better mentality dari that PHD-PHD wannabe yang bersepah-sepah kat sini...but, apahal pulak I melalut mencaci maki budak PHD lak ni? Bukannya my intention nak menyelamat kan Oriental City? Matilah beralih arah...but anyway, you all yang buat PHD kat sana tu...ketahuilah oleh mu yang I ni tak lah pandai macam you all...sebab masa I nak dapat degree pun I nak mati nyawa-nyawa ikan...tapi, I would expect you all to have more liberty to listen and ponder...kita hidup hanya sekali (unless we have cat lives) so, tak yah lah nak kecik hati sampai nak terjun tingkap bagai ye...Life lesson kadang-kadang tak available in that prestigious institution...kena belajar from orang jugak.

As kami ni nak masak pun tak pandai, nak bukak Malaysian Restaurant ala-ala Chef Wan or Chef Tahsapa-sapa lagi tu, bak kata orang Seremban, tak kan ado lah...mati koghing lah dek monunggu...nak pergi Mawar, Holiday Villa, Satay House and Nahar Cafeteria yang Central London nun and bayar £8.00 congestion charges with the risk of kereta ditarik oleh tow truck Westminister Council and last but not least, harga barang makanan yang sama mahal dengan baju H&M Madonna Confession Collections beserta layanan yang sungguh tak mesra, sungguhlah kami ni tak kuasa. I really feel strongly about Oriental City in that sense.You can eat without having to worry about people staring at you (haiyoo...orang kerajaan yang makan kat Mawar tu...pandang orang macam tak pernah tengok orang...nak nak kalau you all pakai baju liplap macam Miss CoCo Chanel)

Yang nak tutup Oriental City ni pun ialah si Ruth Kelly, MP yang sungguh fofuler dengan kehomophobiaan nya.Is either Makcik Ruth ni jealous kat businessman/woman yang mempunyai kantor-kantor bisnis kat Oriental City tu, sama ada dia ni is a repressed lesbian yang sampai ke tua duduk dalam lemari dia tu or dia ni memang berhati syaitan berjambul. I have signed the petition...and to my surprised, dah 10,000 people yang signed the previous petition, tapi masih jugak they all go ahead to approved that new development.Cilakak betul...

So,friends...or sesiapa yang membaca...help them hawkers to save their livelihood. Mana lagi pulak diorang nak tutup pasni, Central Station ke?

For more information and to do your bit to save the heaven of the orientals, please click here and do your bit.Thanks for reading.

Peckham & Self Discovery

For those who don't know where Peckham is, Peckham is situated in the south east of London with high population of pak mak gagak.Orang berkaler cerah adalah seorang dua and the lebihan is black for all continent, either African or the West Indian. Quite recently (or has always) Peckham ni memang sungguh popular dengan adegan budak-budak sekolah trading drugs,tembak menembak and rampok merampok.Ada aje budak gangster yang mati every week dalam news, ni kes berebut kawasan lah ni...takdelah pulak nak berebut copyright pineapple juice ye?

I'm working with that sexual offender guy yang all this while memang sungguh creative dalam menyakitkan hati since dia ditransfer dibawah kepak company tempat I kerja ni. I just finished my work with him mid end of last month, after all that harrowing month mendengar cerita-cerita graphic dia tu sampai I pun naik sakit.But in the end I realised that underneath all that disgusting penchant, there is this little boy who is desperately needing help and is on the verge of blowing up. In our working term (as in me and him) I often refer him as a victim (although di mata kasar, dia lah setan besar nya) and I often got asked a lot from people 'why is he the victim?'. We always assume that victim is a victim...like if a mugger ragut your handbag and there you are the victim of a mugger.The fact that we seems to dismissed is that the mugger is also the victim.And he is the victim of his circumstances.

As much as many people is disgusted with this guy, I happened to take a pity but I have to be careful not to have the professionalism and how I feel as a person to mix.God knows how I wish I can shop him to the local people who are ever so ready to bludgeon him to pulp.I bit my tongue for the last 4 months and how I am still seething thinking of all that money that I have wasted paying the therapist to listen to this unnecessary shit.But somethimes, things need to be taken to a different perspective in live.As much as you might hate/dislike your current encounter,you know that when you come out of it, you learn something new that you can use in your later life.

I don't know how many more amount of behavioural teraphy can help him. I honestly do not know how long will he survive and how far are we willing to dive in the deep sea to save him. It is too risky for him. This is always the case with the learning disabled. And he needs more time to understand. Until he accept who he is at present, he will keep on re offend. I pity him as he have less ability to help himself, unlike us. We are the sort of people that is making mistake,having bad thought and upsetting people in a daily basis and still keep going. We are somehow able to rise up and move on. While some people not willing to and still harping on past mistakes and wallowing self pity that is obviously halting the next step process, this guy are just unable to see the light because of his disability, and how sad is that?

Our ability to recognise and accept who we are is, inevitably, influenced by upbringing. The major obstacle that stop most uf us is fear and this can be damaging for those on the receiving end.I always believe that we are now doing what we want, despite bad good upbringing.Your earlier role model may influences the way you do, react and accept things and as the time grows and your attachment to your role model becoming looser each day, you are truly doing this as your heart desires.Most of the people I know are doing as they please now and leaving their trouble behind. I tell you, some trouble are not meant to be fix and the only way to cope is that to alter your behaviour towards it. Some people believe that you have to hit where it hurts and I can assure you that this are the people who have trouble sleeping at night as they will continue to search more joy of hitting other places that will cause more hurts.

Many of us labour under the belief that we are less able than others or people we know and have no idea how people perceive us. If is often comes as a surprise when we learn other people are impressed by us,or,conversely,that they think that we are lazy or rude.Most of the time we are unaware of the gap between how others see us and how we see ourselves - but we learn a lot from being conscious of how we come across to others. The more aware and accepting you are of your strengths and weaknesses, the more open you can be with others. This also will reaffirms your sense of self-confidence, empathy and awareness. You will know that you've moved on when the thought of external feedback no longer makes you feel insecure and anxious.

Trip & Gossips

Gambar Hiasan...Cologne-Bonn Airport Yang Immigration Officer nya Garang-Garang Itu

Motivated by an extreme knackeredness, I took a day off work today.The only downside of today is that I spent £99.00 on a laptop bag, when I primarily want to get the £34.99 one. The John Lewis salesperson a.k.a gagak that look like Lemarr telah menggoda and merecommend that good quality Samsonite bag.Barang memang lah good quality, pitih aje yang membuat I kelabu bijik mata.Baru last Saturday dah bersumpah demi Allah taknak belanja beli barang gila-gila (after spending £300.00 kat Swindon Designer Outlet) Nak kata I'm crazy about branded stuff tu takdelah pulak...T-shirt Tesco pun I pakai gi kerja...but speaking of getting a Levi's jeans for £25.00 from the actual price yang £89.00 tu, kira rugilah kalau tak beli kan? And so, as I have always been very fascinated with Tommy Hillfiger punya shirt, maka tangan ni berjalan ambik tu, ambik hini...and ended up signing away over £200 on my credit card. Ni lah masalah nya bila kepala otak tu tahu how much money that I actually have in the bank and you know somehow, you can afford it...tapi tak boleh lah selalu.And after that, I pun cakaplah dengan diri I yang degil ni, dah sudah, jangan beli apa-apa lagi...the lemari dah nak runtuh dah...

This morning I realised I needed a laptop bag after bag yang lama yang murs-murs courtesy oleh PC World tu dah koyak rabak....sikit aje sebenarnya...tapi, semenjak kena buat site visit sana sini ni, status quo nak lah jaga kan...nanti orang kata pulak (macam lah orang kat London area pariah tu mata duitan) Lagipun, I boleh claim kat my company yang kedekut tu...since I sendiri yang mengsign payment voucher nya...tapi, habislah company accountant tanya pulak, who the hell getting a bloody bag for £99.00 !!!! So, tapi persetankan merekalah kan? But, on second thought, rasa berdosalah pulak because that bag are so for my personal use...but, tengolah...if besok pagi, if I still sakit hati dengan my company yang sesuka hati hantar I kerja sana-sini, maka receipt bag mahal ini akan aku claim dari petty cash itu.

Since dah tak boleh keluar kandang ni, I terpaksalah meng amuse kan myself dengan aksi-aksi paksa rela jumpa kawan-kawan.Two of our friends (me and Mak Badak friends) came from KL last Friday atas urusan resmi negara, tapi dalam pada membuat urusan resmi tu, sempat demand dibawak sana-sini, kononnya nak merasa naik kereta baru Mak Badak yang lajunya macam kapal terbang tu...and this people, bila dah sampai London nak bershopping sakan lah pulak.Maka terpaksalah diturutkan, pasalnya, kalau kami balik negeri pun, kami akan dilayan macam menatang (menate???) minyak yang penuh gitu. So, bila dalam perjalanan pergi dan balik ke Swindon tu (on the way nak pergi Bristol ni) maka sipolan-sipolan itu mulalah bercerita-ceriti pasal gossip-gossip yang melanda Malaysia sekarang ni.Nak kata tak percaya, we usually get the goreng pisang baru keluar kuali first them the newspaper reader kat Malaysia. This 2 jantan (both being 2 prominent News people) bercerita mengalahkan pompuan gossipannya.So, cerita from Datuk K sampailah ke Datuk A,B,C,D,E,F,G.....and cerita Linda Onn habis dipenglipurlarakan luar dan dalam.Siapa Linda Onn ni, tuhan ajelah yang tahu...but for sure, dia ni bukanlah anak Hussein Onn kot.

On another note, I was gutted not to be able to fly home but keep trying to convince myself that it is probably for the best, as I am extremely stuck between work and other commitment. As always, yang maha gumbira bila I tak balik ni, tak lain tak bukan si F lah.Dia tu paling takut I balik KL, takut I akan dipaksa arrange marriage oleh my family.Hapa, dia ingat my family tu Made In Pakistan ke? So, dia pun suggestlah I balik bulan puasa nanti, sebabnya, dia tu tak suka tengok I puasa.I pun cakaplah dengan Mak Badak, kita balik raya lah ye? Maka Mak Badak sungguhlah happy nya.Yang dia tak happy ialah bila yang sorang tu nak ikut.Nak ikut tu satu cerita lah, siap nak buat immunisation bagai takut digigit nyamuk.Dia ingat Malaysia tu kudok amat ke? Sabar je hati kami-kami ni. Well, I think I should resign to the fact yang I hanya akan balik KL bulan puasa/raya ni. Bila I call Miss Nigeria tadi, my 2007 travel plan punyalah penuh. This April nak pergi Milan (bukanlah buat pesen show ya...eventhough, kalau boleh nak jugak merasa catwalk spring fashion dengan Naomi Campbell tu) on June kena pergi Orlando for 10 days, pastu bulan August nak pergi Ireland, Sept/October balik Malaysia and Xmas pulak pergi annual trip, mana tak tau lah. Tu belum jalan-jalan dalam UK tu...dengan nak kena pergi Cornwall,Wales,Cumbria, Hull Sundel....so, I guess, the trip being postpone is probably for the best.

As I have to work between Peckham & Twickenham this week and next week, only god knows how I will manage to find time to baca blog you all not to mention my own, so if I miss anything, I will surely catch up by the end of my busy day.I would also like to wish Goddess Selene semoga selamat berterbangan dan landing dengan posh nya kat Manchester Airport itu. So, if you reading this, I have list in Hull Sundel as a must go place. Maka, bolehlah kami makan Green Curry you ye....Have a nice trip and berstopover kat DXB sinun tu...

Jangan Tiru Macam Saya

Countless time I have moaned non-stop of how busy I am and how I have been.I travel a lot this week and lucky enough,the jobs now only requires travelling around London.Thanks to public transport, travelling is a lot easier but the only disadvantages in using public transport is that you are at these people mercy.Semuanya atas belah kasihan,ihsan or mood drebar public transport ni.Kalau tak human interventions pun,you are subjected to the public transports rules,regulations and time.

Well,I am not going to tell you stories about my encounter with Public Transport neither nor I want to complaint about them.Compare to Malaysian standard,it is far more better here, and I truly believe that one day Malaysian infrastructure will get better, because they paid so much to deserve that much...or if they decided to choose the working opposition political party that will deliver what they promise boom bang boom bang bila kempen macam nak rak tu. I read the news yesterday about how they critisised Malaysian that owed 20billions to credit card debt and blame it on their spending spree tak sudah and paying the minimum payment. Having unstoppable spending spree tu memang betul, yelah...especially when we have the sort of syndrome of we must have what other people have. What them newspaper don't report is that Malaysian Bank is charging sky high rates and maximum penalty and have no responsibility of their own, as in letting the cardholder to keep spending and spending.You can leave the RM500 debts, struggle to korek,cari duit sana sini to finish off your debts only to find that your credit card company is expecting you to pay triple.This are the probems that our government fail to notice however, mereka ada pulak masa/tenaga/duit nak tolong different country?

Over the last 25 years, thanks to my father,I have a different attitude to things.Contrary to the way our mother (yang sungguh lemah lembut) brought us up.As much as all of us (my adik beradik) were forbidden from being rude to the elders and exhibiting all that indiscipline behaviour, we were always taught to stand up to what we think is right.But sometimes, the mixture of principal and bad behaviour doesn't add up.You can have the principle of fighting for your right but that can only work with certain behaviour. Too rigid and too uptight (like what happened to me lately) can sometimes perceives as being petty.

Contohnya:-

a) Two days ago, I was waiting for a connecting bus to go to work.I followed my organiser, I left office on time and I plan my movement based on the public transport timetable.I am very certain that I will not be late for my appointment.I was at Twickenham town on time and wait for the next bust.As advertised, the bus should arrive every 12 minutes.As I need to be there by 1pm and it is only going to take 5 minutes to get to my work by that 267 bus (yang ada reputation datang 15 tahun sekali tu) I memang cukup confident that the bus will arrive any minutes.Tunggu punya tunggu,10,12,15,20,30 minutes...bas bangang tu masih tak sampai-sampai.Ada jugak other people yang sama tunggu bus itu yang dah start menyumpah.Dengan perut yang lapar and knapsack yang berat, I dengan bongkaknya terus call Transport For London and start lah complain.Macam-macam aku cakap dekat receptionist tu...punyalah marah I cakap kat they all, you are charging us so much and your driver is taking everything as his whim and fancy,this is not a peak hours and I know there is no traffic problems...blah..blah...and tiba-tiba, bus tu pun muncul and cut off that conversation abruptly.Rasa puas hati sungguh dapat complaint but 5 minutes after that,I start telling myself, apasal lah kau macam ni? Where has all the courteous and patience gone to?

b) Mak Badak upgraded her mobile phone recently.Maybe Tuhan nak tunjuk dek selalunya membuat penayangan tak rasmi sambil berkata-kata bongkak kat kami, mobile phone nya itu terus tak boleh pakai.Mulalah dia resah gelisah.She went to Vodafone and was asked to return the handset to them.There she went and got told off by the people in the local store pasalnya,she had disposed the original packaging.Mak Badak being herself,full with despondency and use back her old mobile. I came back from work yesterday (of course lah after that thing with the London Transport) and was told by Mak Badak nombor 2 of what had happened to Mak Badak. Terus menyirap darah I and I resort to call Vodafone directly.Like London Transport, I stated my rights within my contract and how Vodafone had breached theirs by not giving me a service as advertised and I ended up calling them petty for fusing about the packaging when there is more important thing to worry about especially like pleasing their long term customer!!! I terus cakap, I'm paying my monthly bill out of my bank to you without fail and I'm now without a phone. Terus that Vodafone offer instant replacement (not forgetting Mamat Scottish yang habis ku leter for the whole 20 minutes tu) But the question is, eventhough hati ku puas,but the casualty is I have indirectly upsetting that man whom who knows, already had a messed up life ? Perlukah semua ini? I begin to wonder how the prosecutors and the solicitors sleeps at night...especially when they know they have a better less guilty conscience options?

Another thing about myself that I'm not happy about is my ficklemindedness.I very much like to think that I'm the hippie type (in terms of buat apa saja in an instant tanpa pikir/plan) I was asked to participate in a management-rescue-operation by my boss today.One our client who is a sex offender is causing a mayhem in his community...and the community over where he is residing is threatening to evict him or close the place down altogether.The Big Boss want to sack the current Manager but my boss who is also the boss to that about-to-be-sack Manager, trying to help this Manager to save her job and give her 2 months to improve.My boss hari ni tadi belanja I makan dengan harapan I akan tolong this person.My boss asked if I can postpone my trip back home and promise to speak to HR about carry on my annual leave over to the next financial year.

Did I agree to help? Well, why am I still here then when I'm supposed to be flying out of Heathrow tonight? So, para peminat-peminat yang menantikan kehadiranku, sabarlah ye.Nanti I balik.For time being, listen to this song by, clicking to

http://images.ainulnaim.multiply.com/content/movie/ainulnaim:video:8/ainulnaim/8.swf/n4XMLNmBtG87t1fYhMu7mg/malay2me.swf

Picture A- Dua Mak Badak Yang Gigih Berjalan Untuk Membuang Kalori
Picture B - Tempat Skylark Berkongketan...Sila Jangan Kacau
Picture C - Couple Tengah Dating, Tapi Duduk Mengadap Lain-Lain, Apasal?
Picture D - Yang Sekor Tu, Memandang Aku Dengan Penuh Syak Wasangka Aje...
Picture E - Apek Ni Tetiba Muncul Apa Motive ?
Picture F - The Pathway Between Two Man Made Lake & Below, Picture Of The Park Sign & Skylark

I have plenty of free time on my hands today and yesterday, thanks to the perperangan yang masih berlanjutan antara puak-puak Twickenham dengan puak-puak Finsbury Park.I ni kat sini menghitung hari la jugak, as I pun dah nak balik bercuti ni this Friday, tak ndak ke orang tu telephone and mengaku kesalahannya itu? But as to date, orang itu masih lagi keras kepala dan bongkak.I pun, with a heavy heart, nak jugak 'mengajar' orang tu, tapi in between, hati nak pecah..benci tapi rindu.I am so lucky that the two Mak Badaks initiate banyak betul program bergumbira bersama-sama,one of them ialah comfort eating kat Oriental City, to take my mind of things.

All 3 of us pergi Richmond Park today, sajalah, nak ber exercise. I really need all this exposure as Bella dengan Makji Eton is coming to visit, I kenalah cari nice places for them to look see look see, sambil berpicnic, since weather lately ni sungguhlah memberahikan. Mak Badak was musing about kenapalah orang Malaysia tak suka berjalan-jalan or buat activity macam orang kat sini. Well, I pun cakaplah dengan dia...siapalah nak berjemur tengah-tengah panas tu...sini Summer bukannya macam KL, sini siap angin-angin fresh lagi...tapi, tak boleh jugak nak cakap besar, you all, sebab last year Summer, I siap complaint lagi dek panas melekit nya.

The Richmond Park is not far from where I live.Boleh naik bicycle, boleh naik bas and naik kereta.Jalan kaki pun boleh...tapi, tak kuasa lah nak jalan from Twickenham Road to Richmond Hill Park tu unless you all semua ada stamina cam Paula Radcliffe.Bus H37,is going to Richmond Station and from there, nak jalan kaki, adalah dalam 15 minutes naik bukit and merentasi rumah Mick Jagger itu.For the unnecessary info, Richmond ni majority nya didiami oleh orang-orang yang rich & famous. Suatu ketika dulu, Fauziah Latiff dengan The Cucu Raja Perlis pernah jugak tinggal kat area ni. The area is over looking Thames River yang early last year pernah di invade oleh anak ikan paus yang akhirnya mati tak cukup air tu. Habis segala manusia kat England ni nangis. Orang sini biasalah...anjing mati pun, buat newspaper obituary lagi...tu belum masuk pet funeral service lagi tu. Richmond Park ni punyalah besar...with few exit to 3 or 4 local town, iaitu Richmond,Sheen,Kingston and Roehampton (yang ni, I tak berapa sure...tapi macam betul aje) People can drive through and menikmati pemandangan yang sungguh lah luasnya, cycle along or walk. It opens from 8am to 6pm, during Spring and Summer (yang ni pun I kena check, tah iya ke tidak lah ni) Unlike Hyde Park, yang takde apa-apa tu, Richmond Park is a very people friendly park.Parking tak de charge (sensitive nya...) so, jangan lah risau sebab takde parking attendant yang akan bagi you all parking ticket and people can do anything they like...nak makan,nak tidur, nak berproject...but the thing that I notice over here, perprojekan diluar tabii didalam taman ni jarang berlaku dikalangan orang-orang putih, pasalnya, mak bapak they all pun tak kisah if anak masing-masing nak bawak partner datang rumah...so, the young love takdelah repressed sampai nak menggunakan peluang berdua-duaan ditaman untuk berkongketan.You are likely to see anak-anak Asians yang suka berproject dalam gelap,dalam car park, dalam kereta or dalam mana-mana lubang sunyi ni. I believe this is likely to do with banyaknya restriction dalam perhubungan chenta they all tu like makbapak tak suka la, arrange marriage lah...anything that is unfriendly to their privacy.Alaa..macam anak-anak orang melayu lah...mana boleh bawak jantan/pompuan balik rumah sebarang? Nak tak nak, nak memuaskan their bubbling hormones, terpaksalah berproject kat Bukit Gasing nun...or mana-mana Taman Bunga or playground budak-budak.Keji kan?

Disamping boleh berjogging,main frisbies and boomerang,naik bicycle and berpicnic, you may also find a herds of tamed Deers yang sungguh cantik, ponies and skylark.The men who is into fishing (may I rephrase, ini fishing ikan betul bukan cruising cari anak ikan ye) can obtain a licence/permit from the council untuk memancing..hah..ingat Kampung Subang ke, boleh tangkap ikan sesuka hati?

So, Bella...pencil this in your travel planner, apart from Emirates Stadium yang kita mesti pergi tengok Chelsea lawan Arsenal tu. Besok, on the way to work, akan ku investigate lagi tempat tempat yang boleh dilawati bila you datang bermastautin kat sini.

Thank you for reading.

Fireworks & Candles

PC World (yang very der lap kaki tu) finally repaired and upgraded my desktop.Hah...sekarang ni speednya, even faster dari my urine (macamlah takde example lain) I now have bigger memory and bigger hard drive.What is it for, tuhan sajalah yang maha tahu.I did asked the handsome Asian man to recommend what to increase since penggunaan desktop ini, majoritynya ialah untuk main PC games saja.My partner remain my private IT Consultant yang advise I tambah itu ini.And I have it all for free, pasalnya,I bought some insurance from them and the cover plan is about to expired end of this month.So, sekarang ni, ada 2 laptop, satu desktop and 3 dara pingitan duduk dalam satu rumah ditepi jalan...kau ado?

As I will be away soon, I have to prepare lot of things for Mak Badak to oversee sepanjang my house absence ni.Nak harapkan dia dan yang sorang lagi tu,maka dapat reminderlah dari bank tak lama lagi.I have always take charge in money matters between us, because that is something that I am really good at...and Mak Badak No.2 yang hanya kesat tapak kaki masuk dalam mahligai ini, macam biasa and as always, buat hal dia sendiri. My office work yang berlambak-lambak, personal claim yang belum disubmit, client-client yang semakin hari semakin menyakitkan hati and masalah rumahtangga yang sekejap okay sekejap tak is giving me higher anxiety than usual. Konon nak organise sangat, I made up a list of what to do but what I ended up doing is bloghopping and main SIMS game.Takde yang productive langsung.

Lately ni, staff I makin mengada-ngada pulak dengan I mintak emotional support.Bukannya masalah kerja, tapi personal problem.Adalah 2,3 orang yang sekarang ni berdepan dengan masalah cinta yang self-inflicted.Dah ada boyfriend, pasang branch pulak kat another area, tak cukup dengan polygamous affair dengan 2 jantan, tup-tup sekarang ada affair pulak dengan tah mana pompuan dia yang asalnya ter 'one night stand' balik dari pub.Haiyooo....sana cinta, situ cinta and sini bahagia.Why I said cinta bahagia dengan this woman is because she claimed that their affair is 'so special'.Deep down I know why she said that.

I pun cakaplah dengan my colleague yang cintanya dah beralih arah ni, yang I have nothing against what she does in her personal life (amid, I baru tegur dia in her supervision session that day pasal love bite dia, yelah..kita kan provide social care service to vulnerable people, leher lebam-lebam kan tak professional, clients kita bukannya budak kecik yang tak tau apa) but I do admire her 'time management'.Ye lah, sana boyfriend, situ boyfriend and sini girlfriend, pandai betul dia micro manage diri dia. Often people say that orang yang ramai boyfriends/girlfriends ni ada huge sexual appetite.One is not enough.But I think, that is hardly the amusement.You can either have a single partner and berkongketan sepanjang hari and sepanjang malam, with the same person..but to have 3 different partners yang tak tahu kewujudan madu-madu mereka tu,you must be super organise with your time management, ye lah..nak pergi kerja lagi kan? Not only that you ought to have a good time management skills, public relations and apa-apa lagi skills yang maha necessary yakni auta, mestilah top notch.Women said Men is the master of this kind of trade.Well, I know of some women too...in fact, these women have line of partners queue up for them and in fact know about other contenders, but sanggup jugak hantar tender dek cinta punya pasal.I jarang pulak dengar perempuan nak share-share or yang bangsa sabar menanti ni...in fact, mostly yang bermadu pun, after their laki dah kahwin, baru lubang pecah and they all rela paksa/paksa rela lah terima madu.

Unlike lawyers, people in my line of work, don't offer service to family and friends, takut contaminated. We most certainly will make the referral to the next available practitioner.I never offer anything to anyone eventhough most people thought that this is what I like to do....(ni adalah bagi menjawab tuduhan mu itu, LeQ) Some people forgot that they asked for help and become very anxious thinking that they may be scrutinised.Common scenario is that, kalau you bangsa yang tak apply healthy living ni (merokok,minum bagai, makan macam ular) you are likely to get extra conscious mingling with a doctor and you may think that this doctor is now going to give you a speech about how smoking can give you cancer what not. I can assure you that, the doctor don't bloody care.And then you forgot the fact that you maybe had casually or socially complaint of a heavy chest and become annoyed if the doctor friend of your suruh berhenti hisap rokok.Macam tu lah lebih kurang.

I work closely with the psychologist/psychiatrist.Most of the time when I attend my client review meeting,I often conscious that this psychiatrist dok perati-perati I and mulalah I pikir yang mesti this psychiatrist pikir I pun tingtong gak.What you all should know that we are very vulnerable people too and being in a close proximity with anyone can create high anxiety, tak kisah lah apa-apa situation pun....even atas katil.

This young lady (she is 10 years younger than me, tapi masalah mengalahkan masalah West Bank pulak lah kan) sekarang ni in dilemma. Girlfriend barunya tu dah merengek mintak undivided attention (biasalah pompuan) and dengan pakwe-pakwe nya,dia ditatang dengan minyak yang penuh..dapat kereta, rumah rent free and on a good days dapat pocket money (eleh...ni misti hasil kangkangan ni) Cinta kat dua jejaka ni dah tak banyak mana dah since ber affair dengan perempuan yang jumpa kat pub ni.Special katanya.I have some opinion about this things but I would rather keep it to myself, lain orang lain specialty lah kan? I only asked her about what is keeping her tied to both men, is it the material facilities? Did she really love this woman albeit cinta yang baru bermekar sekejapan yang berorientasikan sex itu? And finally, is she willing to make the big sacrifice iaitu tinggalkan hidupnya yang sekarang ni sungguh comfy diapit 2 jejaka ni and enter into a possibility of life yang mungkin ala-ala mulut buaya dengan pompuan ni? The way I see it, my colleague ni sungguh lah contented nya and bila masuk mulut buaya yang selalunya cemburu yaamat ni and at the same time, hilang segala life facility maka bermacam-macamlah complications akan timbul, is she ready for that? Maka dia pun terdiam....

I also reminded her the true facts about mereka-mereka yang ada extra marital affair ni, commonly the only risk yang they all tak sanggup ambil is losing all their normality and comfortability.Biarlah tak happy pun.How many laki orang you know will leave their wives just to be with cinta monyet remeh-temeh ni? Pressure is something people want to avoid,self satisfaction although people claimed to have to come first, is hardly true.You may be satisfied with what you get from your extra outside meals, but would you give away your regular meal? Mind you, you always not very happy with it but at the back of your mind you know it is regular, secure and less hassle.

Lagi lah Makcik ni terdiam....I'm not helping at all am I? Lantaklah..bukan problem I....But, she is only young...she is likely to go for the glitter fireworks rather than a solid candle.Macam tu lah ceritanya.

Stupid Is a Stupid Does

Let's just observe a few things (observe???!!!!) Why do people do,react, behave,act,say,exhibit and express many,many things so stupidly ? As we may now know that stupidity is a hard habit to break but many of us seems to get pleasure by giving in more to it. In the end, we got punished and judged, and this is when we think that the world (they should really stop saying the world but people) is not fair to them.

I really feel sorry for those who was a choosen victim. Ye lah, mangsa,mangsa keadaan ni but not half as sorry as to those who menjadi mangsa kebodohan diri sendiri and orang lain. But it is a high time that we all must learn to rise above our own stupidity.I'm am still trying.

I recently read the misfortune of Rosnah Mat Aris (the kelakar woman from a Malaysian TV...info 10 tahun dulu, don't know if she still kelakar or not..but still tak leh lawan Catherine Tate lah kan...) how she was being made a victim of this chat show,and now being slapped with a ban from the National TV. Reading the news yang kita belum boleh tahu lagi betul ke tidak (well, think about it, the news was written and reported by someone who seen/heard the scoop from the surface, it is like, you nampak orang jatuh tergolek tepi jalan and then report kat orang ke 3, sipolan jatuh and speculate things that he/she yakni the reported feels right at that point of time) kononnya Rosnah Mat Aris ni telah menghina Nabi Muhammad and the wife.How was she really 'menghina' or whatever things she said that was defined as 'hina',tak tahulah, because I pun tak tengok that TV program.I like to think that Rosnah Mat Aris is not that stupid to do such thing...sebabnya, dia pun dah banyak makan garam and ajinomoto bagai, so, by par, she is load wiser dari kita-kita yang muda belia ni (chewwwahhhh)

If I may say that Rosnah Mat Aris is a victim of the show host stupidity and to make thing worst that its already are, she give in to the stupidity by answering the stupid question.And now, to add salt and dettol to her wound, the Menteri Penerangan bagi her lagi with a quote, mulut takde insurance? (That menteri also bodoh laa) For a malay and Malaysian who is non-stop self acclaiming mempunyai nilai-nilai murni dalam budi bahasa (tak macam I yang cakap pun lepas-lepas ni...my excuse, I'm not all Malay, okay?) the host thought that it was okay to fire a hummiliating question.This is like a reporter asking a rape victim..apa perasaan anda dirog oleh orang-orang yang berperangai binatang ni?. See my point? Yang bertanya tu, sahihlah bodohnya...yang nak tolong dia mengapprovekan kebodohannya by answering his question tu kenapa? If I were the authority of the Broadcasting Station, I would ban the producer.Who ever the producer was, he/she should take responsibility for that, for allowing the question and the answer. But again, Malaysian, how sensitive must we allow ourself to get?

Sensitivity is the beauty of life however was abused badly by the mankind. I get many questions sometimes, tercalar jugak hati but once in a while you have to allow ignorance to be the first in the line of any sensibilities.

Some of us sometimes got attack in here (the blogsphere) and some of us use this to do the same.Yes, this is your page, you do what you like.You write whatever that feels right in your heart and by writing it, you also take responsibility of its content.It is a human nature to like and dislike and the worst habit is to make this cowardice attack.We may disagree and agree and sit on the fence.That is a choice.We certainly can't stop the bad habit a.k.a. lalat coming in and making kacau-kacau...they like, the came and they gone.It would not bother them if they dislike, because when we dislike something, in a non stupid manner, we stop liking it.Kalau tak suka karipap, kita berhenti makan karipap, but yang bodoh nya pergi serang makcik yang buat/jual karipap itu. My life is not as interesting as many of you.In out same old thing, orang sakit,Arsenal and Frankie, apa lagi? But in all honesty, I do feel for those who were invaded by the lalat.The psychology of the real lalat (macam lah aku ni lalat biologist pulak) is the more you halau,tegur,spray or anything to fumigate, lagi banyak dia datang.They will stop coming or annoying if you don't give in. Your life are not affected by their misgivings, so why bother?

To MontyMelly, I think, seluruh wanita, baik bercareer mahupun tak, all may have the same aspiration as you.Siapa yang tak nak disimpan? Even the careerwoman pun merintih-rintih nak disimpan jugak.But the differ is, you can still be kept as in all maintenance paid and ideally, you can keep all yoor neccessities like own job,own money and freedom (and remote control) It is like, duit ku duit ku, duit mu duit ku jua..voley???

P/s...Hjh Eton, ada orang curik copyright nama kita tawwww....

Difficult Conversation

The bestest part of my work is when the end is near for every session that I am involve in. We will usually say our goodbye probably a week or two before the work ended.I have been seeing 3 people since November and by mid this month, we will be parting ways. I have good memories with this 3.One of them almost drive me crazy and another two, are the most difficult people to have a conversation with.Having working with them have now make me rethink about expanding my career in this field. I was talking to someone over dinner the other day and this person reads my palm.There's something about changing job that will change my life forever.There's also nothing fruity between me and F, malahan makin teruk.At first I don't think that will be true as we have been getting along very fine and we both realised this.But today,my last text was 'I hate you'.Bahagia apa kebenda tu? But that is a different story.Nantilah...bosan kan, asyik baca cerita I bergaduh aje.

One of the patient that I am seeing is a same age as me (of course she didn't know this, as manalah diorang boleh access personal info about me kan?) Reason for her referral to me is drug abuse,mild schidzophrenia, two of many.She have been in patient in WMUH for a while and is about to be discharge.In fact she have been discharged, I think, couple of weeks ago and because of that, makcik ni kenalah di refer kan ke out-of-hours respite service macam I ni.

How can I describe her? Apart from berketurunan chav gitu ( putih,sekolah tak tinggi,dok rumah council,perangai buruk) she is by far the most difficult person to have a communication with. I don't think the difficulties is because she is stupid.Well, she's not that intelligent but she can live with her wit.The hardest part in her difficulties is her anger towards her parents.After almost 10 weeks, she did not even manage to shift away 25% of her long standing embedded hatred to them.Obviously with her external cases (drug and alcohol abuse) is one of many excuses to escape what's really throbbing her.I tried listening,she's not telling.All I can hear is unstoppable anger and that is making our work very difficult.

We all know that we're meant to discuss problems like a rational adult, but what if an issue is too painful, or we are too emotional and conversation escalates to a row? You may get advise fro all kind of sources, mak bapak, kengkawan, magazine ariticles and all is about - talk about it. In the ideal world, people that you have problem with will accept your complaint and apologise and the situation will resolved.In reality, you are more likely to be met with tears, denials or cruel rebuffs. Before long, you're embroiled in an argument you didn't want to have, and the situations is worse than it was in the first place.

Being in my position one, cultural differences is something that we are just about to come across (since ramainya NHS patient yang datang dari 3rd world country or EEC or tah sapa-sapa lagi) and I can understand why problem with relative is one of the issue that they voluntarily choose to leave behind rather than to solve. I can understand why.We can't tell our parents that they are wrong in bringing us up.Nak mati? Talking back, you're lucky if they listen.You are most certain to get penampar out of many verbal and emotional abuse. Orang kita largely opted to run away and will brood about it as long as they can remember. After a while, I believe that this problem is no longer a cultural differences issue.Maybe a little but majority is to do when the person who have the issue. I think, in the end kita semua kalau nak hidup bahagia, terpaksalah beralah...dan makan hati sampai ke tua.As much as we were brought up to respect and worship them, parents are like most of us, adakalanya tak betul juga.That is where I finally get my peace from.By admitting that none of us is perfect.And before I start questioning the imperfections, I will first ask, is this what I really want or will this make me happy?

My tips for you (as I was trained to deal with this difficult species), the solution of all your communication difficulties is to recognise in advance who you're talking with and stick to your gun base on your observation of them. There's 5 type of communicator, and if you recognise this in them, use the tips.

a) The Emotional Wreck - Bila bawak berbincang, mulalah start 'Oh Dunia ni kejam, siapalah nak kat aku and out of nowhere, burst into tears
Solution: Take a walk or breathe calmly.It is less tempting to make a scene in public and being side by side, rather than face to face, levels up to perceived power imbalance.

b) The Diverter - 'Well, since you're bringing that up, what about your issues? Isn't that what we should really be discussing?'
Solution: Acknowledge their diversion like 'You're right, that's another important thing for us to discuss, so let's come to that in a minute.First, though,let's talk about the issue I was raising'. Haruslah dia akan terdiam.Orang macam ni, selalunya salah orang aje yang dia nampak.

c) The Stonewaller - They flatly refuse to have discussion or just walk away.
Solution: This is a sign that a relationship has serious problems.You first need to improve communication on smaller, day to day matters. When you do come to tackling the big issue, use softer start ups, macam..I nak mintak pendapat you, you ada masa nak borak-borak sikit tak.

d) The Aggressor - Nak cari gaduh dengan I ke?
Solution: Match their aggression, but aim it at different source. If they're shouting 'I can't beleive you are pressuring me again into starting a family!' Reply, 'I know, it is so unfair that I am getting older!'.This will mirror their aggression back to them, but deflect the issue.

e) The Bully - They use threats and bullying behaviour to get their way
Solution: Stand up to them.It's not reasonable to threaten the relationship everytime you're upset.If you're concern about something,let's talk about that directly.Sidestep their threats by asking them exactly what outcome they want from the issue being discussed.

By the way, which one are you?

A Little Ponder

I looked back and had just realised that there is not so much happenings in my blog page last month.There is only 9 entries in a total of 28 days.I know that I have been at the back burner but 9 out of 28, tu dah tahap kerbau balau punya malas tu kan?

Well, this page was created to ease my 'container'.That thing got filled up quickly and easily. Most of my work with my patient will end before mid this month before I can take up new cases.The break is about enough to have me refresh and balik kampung for a bit.But truly, I have been very depressed.Something that I can feel physically.But, I can't tell where is this feeling generated from.It can either be from a counter transference i.e. aku mengimport kedepressan orang lain or self inflicted i.e. terlampau banyak sangat kerja and problem sampai berak pun keras.Either way, the fact that I am able to tell is a good sign.I am a bit autistic in expressing my feelings.That is I focus on it for a substantial amount of time, eliminate what not needed and will only let go when I feel like I want to let go.That is why I keep saying how hyprocritical of me to tell my patient to move on when I personally can't.

The last couple of days have been brilliant, amid the fact that my two flat mate tricked me into driving to and back Cambridge.M11, the motorway that is connecting London to that part of the country memang sangat kejam, tak berlampu.As I keep putting off my date with Spec Savers, driving in the glaring sun and total darkness is azab.Tapi dek kerana Bro Lee yang sungguh menawan dihari lahirnya yang ke 25 itu, driving ke Edinburgh pun I sanggup.

The Saturday itself, nak menyampaikan diri ke Cambridge tu, banyak sungguh halangan.Pergaduhan disana sini.I gaduh dengan Mak Badak and pastu Mak Badak gaduh dengan Mak Badak yang lagi satu, sampai Mak Badak nombor dua last minute tak nak pergi.Masing-masing tak nak kalah and aku dok dalam dalam bilik ketakutan.Last-last Mak Badak dengan kejam nya, masuk my bilik and tell me 'That's it, meh kita pergi rumah Lee, tak kuasa kamek dengan sidaknya'.That left me rasa sungguh bersalah, and I pulak gi pujuk Mak Badak lagi satu tu.'Let's just go, you both get over it when we're there.They came to your do, let's go to theirs now'. Mak Badak nombor dua dengan bongkaknya 'I'm not going because I'm so pissed off''. Maka pertengkaran antara puak-puak minority tu pun berlangsung kembali.Jam dah pukul 4 suku.I told them both before, pukul 4.30 kita dah kena bergerak. Haiyoo..macam ni punya perangai pun ada.Tapi, I lah yang start dulu.Asal pergaduhan nombor satunya is when Mak Badak Ketot lupa beli mix veg untuk my mihun.Our little exchange of words turned into Mak Badak Ketot saying something really nasty to me.Pandai dia ugut I kata 'You pergilah, I tak nak pergi'. But in the end, after numbers of phone call tanya kami kat mana from the Birthday Gal, pukul 6.20 pm, sampailah jugak kami kat apartment Lee yang lawa tu (bilik tidur dah kemas?)

We arrived back in London at almost 2am and suddenly I terasa lapar balik.Apsal? Tak cukup makan ke kat rumah orang tadi? Well not really,apa tak nya, buat ketupat for more than 2 hours, mana ada masa nak makan? I was really forcing myself to sleep as I dah janji nak jumpa si Frankie Valli pagi esoknya. The next morning, mak Badak nombor dua cakap yang mak dia invite I makan Roast Dinner rumah nya.Haiyoo...I cakaplah, I dah janji nak jumpa Frankie and terus mukanya berubah jadik cam kangaroo.So, I pun talipon lah si Frankie, buat auta kata yang I masih penat since yesterday.Boleh? And then we went to rumah mak Mak Badak nombor dua and lepaklah sampai pukul 8pm.

I finally booked my flight today selepas bertangguh-tangguh.I did not get the travel time that I wanted and terpaksalah opted for the earlier time.Haiyoo..I ada session pulak pagi tu.Cemana nak escape ni?

To LeQ and his perfume search, good luck.The seladang smell only developed after the clash of perspiration and the alcohol. I'm not a huge fan of seladang smell but I can easily pounce on man that smells of Kouros and Safari.I think that black Polo smells seladang. And I will always stick to my bubble gum perfume.Siapalah nak pounce on me ni?

Tag and Tagged

I have been tagged by Bro Lee kita tu (hehehe..Bro?!) last week.Up until today,I tak paham langsung apa yang kena dibuat.Well,I got tagged but what should I write? Weird things or things about me that people don't know about? Memandangkan I am still blurr with the tagging system, I am willing to offer 12 things, 6 being weird and another 6 being just a plain info about me.Takde nya interesting pun.I have to apologise for the delay memandangkan Makji Esah lately ni banyak kerja and terlibat dalam kerja-kerja pengubahsuaian perangai manusia disekitar London ni.But,I must do it today, takut-takut tak diberinya I makan birthday cake besok.

6 Things About Me That You Must Know (Really...You Don't Have To)

1. I seriously think that I am addicted to Diet Coke.I can shift a big giant bottle of 1.5 litre in a day, everyday for the last 9 years.I tried giving it up and successfully do so for 3 days and also made many enemies along the way.Huarrgggggggghhhhhh!!!! Nowadays, if I see a big bottle of Diet Coke on my desk, that will signify my work mate have done something wrong and want to avoid getting an ear full from me.

2. I can eat the same food everyday without getting sick or bored.I'm the sort of person that can never get pleasure from having entwine with good food or drink.My only oral gratification is Whole Nut Cadbury Bar.That is it,seriously...and maybe, a small plastic bag of karipap.

3.By reading the number 2, I must have give out the info of me being a cheap date.That is also true.My vice is CD's and PC games.You can keep away the flowers.I don't eat expensive Italian food that taste like leftovers.An ideal dating scene for me can be at Tony's, Damansara Uptown, fried kway teow and Iced Neslo.Less than 5 Ringgit.This was many years ago.

4. I have been using the same perfume since I first started using perfume.Because of this, it saves me from being a advertistment victim.I will only stick to 4 brand.Tommy Hilfiger, Hugo Boss, Ralph Lauren,CK and Lancome.

5.I am not at all a friendly person eventhough I work in a public service.I only talk to people that give me a good vibes.If I speak to you, that mean I like you.I'm not suggesting a snobbery.This is something to do with being excessively introvert.

6.I got my driver's licence at 16 years of age...for a very wrong reason.Not because I like driving, but because my father think that I should start taking responsibility fetching my younger siblings to and from their school.Celaka kan?


The 6 Weird Things...

1. As some of you noticed, I wear my wrist watch anti clockwise...but that is not weird.I like to call it 'unique'.I'm sure there's people out there that is like me.

2. I keep a bar of soap in my clothes drawer.Don't ask why.

3. I cannot travel 'behind'.On a tube,bus or train, I have to sit facing onward direction.I have a massive problem once in the Eurostar where my seat back travelling to Waterloo was facing behind.I ended up sitting facing my seat for the whole journey.

4. I can't wear jewelleries or any kind of self-decorative accessories.It itches my skin although I'm not the type who can easily rash.This is so beneficial for a prospective partner as they don't have to do 'diamonds are forever' things to me.I even struggle to keep my ring on for substantial amount of time.

5. I carry my toiletries bag to work everyday.I just have to, even without a reason.I guess I just need to feel secure as toiletries bag gives me some kind of weird security.

6. I have had 2 difficult years of my life.That is between 1996 and 1997.My work that time requires me to apply on contact lenses and wear that evil 'celak' and mascara.I bear and bear.2 years, that is it.Nothing foreign ever come in close contact with eyes again after that.I am happy with my glasses.

That is all.Have a nice day.