INSET TOP - WHAT KEEP ME GOING (DIET COKE) & THE 'FATHERLESS' IKAN EMAS
So many things happened lately. Erra & Yusry decided to call it a day, Amy Search won 2 million law suit against SONY, the stupid St.David's lawyers decided to practise their petty law knowledge on us by blocking Liza's car and not owning up. Ugly tank anyway. I’m officially back at work yesterday. The 1st 5 hours was spent on reading emails/mails/memo/message kept for me when I was on my AL and SSP. Too many demands and so little time. This keeps me away from worrying about father. Well, I can’t help it. Will I face a possibility becoming a fatherless woman soon?
Reading what Suhaimi Sulaiman’s wrote about his ‘Ayah’, made me think of my own rather emotionally now. He is a very proud/clever/powerful/successful man. I believe he may have his share of the opposite sometimes but like my ‘abang’ always said...he is still our father.
As a child and adult, I haven’t had large demand on things. Apart from wanting to eat chicken only and drink Diet Coke. My world is simple and complicated in its own way. I remember being the quiet and the lazy one. My father always made his allowances on this but I know it sometimes pisses him off. My closest clan have always telling me that I am indeed my father’s favourite. Whatever that mean. There was a time that he made it very obvious that I secretly suspect that my other siblings plotting to have me poisoned!!! I get away with things and believe me, it is a lot of them.
My father was away from home most of the time I could remember. His absences turn my ‘abang’ into a bully and a spoil brat. It was hell and that time, I wish father is around to knock him flat. When he telephoned home, I’ll be the one who will ‘mengadu’ every single bad doing’s happened in the house. And I will not miss to ask ‘Abah, bila Abah nak balik ni?’
My father is a very emotional man. He wrote a loving letter to my mother and to us too. When he was away, we remember him as this nice father who always brings back nice stuff and take us for a ride in his car.
There was a difficult time and as I elevated into maturity and complexity of thinking that I started to see things differently. It wasn’t pleasant and I spent loads of money to have myself to able to come to term with it. Cisss...
Liza lost her ‘Bapak’ recently and the whole scenario changed the way I see things. It was so beautiful to have witness how ‘Bapak’ waited for Liza all this years before clocking off. Like me, Liza was her ‘Bapak’s’ favourite.
My father has suffered a terrible loss of his son and that deteriorates his health. He wasn’t very well all this years I was away but families told me of how ‘energetically charged’ he was when I came back last time. When I went home last month, I stayed home longer. I know it was very difficult for him to see me off again. I made it as casual as I can to hide my real feelings. I promised to see him again and I will.
It is a difficult relationship for me but I have no reason not to love my father. Get well soon.
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