Update

Sebona eh....I nak update you all pasal apa yang dah terjadi kat I 2 weeks ago...yang menjadikan diriku ini sungguhlah trauma nya...but tiba-tiba, I received one incoming call from.....JT you all!!! (Sure Kiah melompat gila...I tell you, Kiah memang suka kalau ada cerita-cerita berunsur PG18 with sexual nature.The more graphic, the better kan, Kiah?...astaghfirullahalazimmmmmmm)

Today is a bank holiday (public holiday) in the UK. I'm sure this is the last one before Xmas & Boxing Day. I will return to work officially tomorrow after 2 weeks suspension period and have to attend sessi return to work with Cik Puan Besar Yangkucingtahi (CPB) at the HQ at 4pm tomorrow.

I was so surprised, jantan itu masih lagi nak ber calling-calling setelah kujatuhkan air muka dia berkali-kali tanpa malu-malu.But bak kata Convent Seremban, Aspire Never Tire kan? (Eh...lupalah, Aspire Never Tire ke, or Fide Et Labore? ) Nevertheless, men is a creature woman may never understand...while the majority that I work with naik gila akibat dikecewakan pompuan, 1/2 percentage lagi, gigih sungguh nak memikat hati pompuan (eh..ye ke nak memikat I..or aku yang perasan?)

A wannabe macho JT as always, at the beginning selalu memulakan perbualan (especially after long hiatus) dengan ala-ala sembang tak nak kalah like 'Ohh..I have been busy and did not even contact anybody' (as if aku ni ambik peduli lah konon nya) I don't know if he buat-buat lupa bila aku telah menyumpah seranahnya in our last phone conversation. JT was talking about his PHD works (yang aku tak paham satu apa pun...ye lah....kita ni manalah belajar sampai MA, PHD kan? And like always...without any other choice, terpaksalah I activate my active listening mode.

(Tapi..dia tak de pun nak tanya I apa khabar...lahabau tu)

JT nak ajak I pergi Merdeka Carnival this Saturday. Well, you may think it is nice of him to do that...ye lah, I ni kan ketandusan invitation-invitation yang happening (being the anto social that I am) and his effort to ask me out, walaupun ke public gathering cam tu, sungguhlah thoughtful nya...or so I thought.

To begin with, me and MB's dua tiga jugak nak pergi...sebab macam dah tak syok.Ada orang tu bergalok sakan kat Spain (or is it Portugal, Lee?) so obviously, we are short of familar faces. Puan Zaiton...isteri Mithali tu pulak tak leh keluar rumah...nak bermesra dengan laki kata nya...(walaupun hati cam nak melompat datang London kan?) So, MB2 macam tak syok nak pergi sebab takut I dengan MB1 akan jumpa kawan-kawan lain and cakap melayu tak hengat dan membiarkan dirinya terkonteng-konteng sorang diri.Because I am going home soon...I would rather wait to eat proper nasik lemak and karipap made fresh by Makcik Bawah Pokok kat Jalan Burhanuddin Helmi.

Honestly, it is nice of JT to ask me along.But what put me off completely is the way he word it.I am not at all being fussy here...not as if I have a better offer but he really is not doing himself any favour by acting like I was one of many women he is taking pride doing a favour for.

'You know that there is a Merdeka Carnival this Saturday'

'Oh yeah...I knew about it from the Malaysian Fest'

'Ramai orang ajak I pergi...ajak I teman kan diorang' (believe me, he is referring to some imaginary girls) Tapi macam tak syok lah pulak pergi dengan they all tu.

Why not?

Alah..you know lah...student-student ni kan,kalau tak set-set Makcik, mesti set-set psycho' (amboiiiiiii....mulut dia)

'Jahatlah you...you pun student tau...so, what type are you then? Pakcik ke or Mat Psycho?'

'Eh...kita kan Em Ar Es Em B**e*i, we are the cool bunch'

'Oh ye ke? Bukan batch kita batch boring ke? (mak datukkk....I dah betul rasa nak ludah dia)

I can't remember what he said and what I asnwered but for sure, I cakap kat dia I may and may not go, depending on my flat mates, but I told him that I might not go anyway sebab I nak buat shopping kasut my sisters.I can sense that he is dissapointed, dah lah trick tak menjadi githooo...what seem to annoy the hell out of me is that, I'm not sure whether he is over confident with himself or just using this stupid method to conceal his deep insecurity...

Awak tu dah lah debab and tak attractive langsung, lagi boleh nak kata orang lain Makcik laa..psycho la...

I wonder whatever happened to the 'old' him...the attractive pandang tak jemu guy? Totesterone kurang ke as you get older (and fatter)?

Bibik Ku Lari Gagah Berani.....

I got a text yesterday with news from Dentist Bini Orang that her orang gaji has done an Usain Bolt.And now,sebagai ibu mithali, she got to kemas rumah, masak, bagi mandi anak...bagi mandi bapak pun.Kesian.I yang takde anak, takde laki and takde orang gaji ni pun boleh naik sasau kalau have to do everything by myself...(the point I'm making????)

Couple of months ago, my younger sister's orang gaji also done her a Paula Radcliffe....(well, tak lah sama macam Usain Bolt, pasalnya, the orang gaji went away on holiday..paid for by my sister and my brother in law and lopeh tu, tak ghoti lak deh nak balik...cilako!!!)

My sister is extremely nice to her maid.I think that is how we were brought up because when my mother have a servant, my mother never once bossing her about and we were disallowed completey from asking 'kakak' to buat itu ini.In fact, we were so scared of the 'kakak' as her other responsibilities includes mereport siapa cubit siapa, siapa sakat siapa, siapa tak nak mandi and siapa main basikal tak hingat nak balik.

My sister is very unlucky with her domestic arrangement.She thought this Bibik was the right one but apparently (according to my mother) the Bibik is quite clever playing up my sister against her husband.My brother in law is a very soft spoken man and after he come back from work he will always asked 'Bibik okay ke...stuff like that. But Bibik then ambik kesempatan to mengadu to him of what my sister supposed to have 'said' and 'done' to her and offended her. So, si hubby pun tanya lah kat the wife..kenapa you buat Bibik macam tu..dia kan dah tua...bla..bla..bla...

Suffice to say that because of Bibik, my sister and her husband have a regular run in, as my brother in law thought that my sister is not 'thoughtful' enough.

I asked my sister...apa yang kau cakap kat Bibik tu sampai dia kecik ati?

It turn out to be something trivial and as little as bijik kuaci pun Bibik Sensitip tu boleh berchuchuran air mata. Like...Bibik bought my nieces and nephew gula-gula, and sister nasihat lah...Bibik, lainkali jangan bagi adik makan gula-gula banyak sangat.And Bibik interpret to my brother in law...'Mama bencikkk saya...dia nggak beri ijin saya beri adik makan'. Whoahhh!!! Drama kan?

So now, all my nieces and nephew are in the nursery. Although being in the nursery will potentially mengopakkan handbag and wallet mak bapak they all, maybe this is for the best for them.

Remember, good thing will come to those who wait. (This does not apply to me though...aku punyalah tunggu Raja Nazrin..tapi..apa aku dapat?)

Updates

I'm still off work. But I will tell you soon why. Since the 9th, I have been idle. I watched Olympic, I facebooked and I read the TV mag from back to back.

Facebook Muse
I keep getting this friend request from an unfamilar guy.I ignored him once and twice...tup!!! datang balik. So today, I decided to view his friends.Still not familiar.So I messaged him. I asked if I might remember him from somewhere and if maybe, he can help to remind me of where.

So, he is very,very young to know me from anywhere.

Unusual Craving
The good thing about having your own blog (well, depending on who's reading it and your status, by status I mean, if I am writing this blog using my real name...ehem...ehem...Zara Salim Davidson..I may not be as gobby as I am now) is that you can write whatever it is in your mind of from other people's (kes-kes plagiat tak hengat ni) Couple of weeks ago, I've written something about Dentist...and by doing so, I managed make one Dentist bini orang's feeling very apprehensive and extra conscious.I was just being naughty...plus, lying await on that Dentist chair can make you feel that you need to take everything lying down.

Well anyway, that got nothing to do with my craving...biasalah aku, selalu sidetrack.I ni teringin nak makan nasi minyak.(Ohh..adakah itu tanda-tanda aku akan dipinang?) I keep missing on my relatives wedding. My last trip home, my two cousins decided to kahwin a week after I balik.That is so frustrating.Frustrating in a sense that, kalau rumah sedara mara, not only that you can makan bertambah macam lembu, you can ordered some nasi minyak and other lauk to be tapaued home as well.Balik rumah makan lagi...

So, I know this is cheesy (and undeniably stupid) but dengan muka tak malunya, I nak tanya kat sapa-sapa yang baca this blog, kalau you nak kahwin or ada adik,abang kakak or sepupu sparepart yang nak kahwin within the first 2 weeks of raya, silalah ajak I ye.I nak sangat makan nasik minyak.

Just When I Thought I Was Over You....
Laa..macam lagu Air Supply kan? Apa lagi ni Makji oiii? Well, I received email from one of my ex's friend.Katanya...Pakcik tu have written me a letter. The email was lengthy and maybe, intentionally meant to make me berderai ayaq mata.Nope.My ayaq mata takde pun berderai.This letter apparently was written when my ex was hospitalised, in between his treatment.I know that he has written me an email but I just never realised that there was another spare time for him to write me a letter.

I was angry.I know this sound bad, but blessed him wherever he is, masih lagi ke nak mencarik-barik kan hati ku yang rapuh ini from his grave? It's nearly 8 months and surely if people have sense, apasal tak cakap siang-siang kan?

I was in love with this man for so many years...siap boleh main tarik-tarik tali gak lagi...metaphorically and I am now trying to come to terms with him not being there anymore for me to puja-puja (and tergolek-golek) and now, when I am at my most vulnerable...dia boleh datang balik????????

Bersambung.

Pilah & Co. Part 2

Dalam pado eden tak goma puak-puak Pilah & Co. tu, eden sompeklah jugak berkona-konalan dengan 2,3 oghang puak-puak Pilah tu.Takdo lah sampai bertopuk betampar...bebughak lah sesikit, tanyo namo..kojo kek no, things like that....

The Pilah & Co., are blessed with their ability to scratch and mixing the records, hence proudly called themselves an aspiring DJ's.

The 'matured' ones are businessman/women by day. The younger one are studying locally but regularly shuttle themselves LHR-KUL-LHR-KUL...but all of them are a 'professional' DJs by night, surely playing gig at any royal parties.

How my Social Worker friend and this guy Yamtuan's grandson got acquainted, pun I tak tahu but can't wait to find out when I return to work soon.

Some of my relatives are millionaires and goodness gracious, their children a.k.a. my cousins are just some lucky ass who never need to work 8 hours a day in Seremban's KFC while waiting for SPM result so that she could afford kasut Reebok hitam Pesta Kingsway Peziah Latip tu.

My millionaire relatives offsprings, are all promised with brand new cars straight after they passed their driving test.I failed my first driving test...well, who can blame me that time where all student are forced to drive that old Datsun that can't even naik bukit properly.I failed.My father was furios...sehari suntuk I kena lecture, how money was wasted disebabkan ketidak focus' an.God knows in my first year of driving, how I avoid queuing in the Jalan Barat traffic light, fear that the car I was driving might gelongsor and hit the car behind, due to my failure to balance the accelerator and gear pedal.

The only thing is that my richer cousins are not at liberty to spend all their parents fortune in all ridiculously themed party.Well, my relatives are into big cars anyway, senang nak tunjuk kat orang kampung.

During the Holland Park party, I spent majority of my time there pretending to be amazed by their CD's collections, but honestly, their CDs did so little to impress compare to their lifestyles.

Adakah I jealous? Entahlah...these lot are proverbial silver spooners. I doubt they ever kena naik trak askar pergi sekolah.I doubt they have to walk miles anywhere...I doubt they have to share bed and room with their brother and sister and I doubt their parents will not say 'tunggu Mak dapat gaji dulu ye?' when they asked for a new pair of shoes.

These people jetsetting and party all over the world (judging from the various photos on their wall) like money is no object.I'm sure their mothers, the peroxide blond mutton-Mak Datin lookalike regularised Cosmetics centre, having some animal fats top ups.

While many Malaysians (or is it just me?) worry that Anwar might shoot up and become the next PM, the Pilah & Co, happy singing and drinking away their worries.Might it be, not in their mind that one day their lavish well will dry up?

Can they cope?

(Maybe I am jealous...cisss)

Pilah & Co.

I was invited to a party. Yang tukang invite nya is this new Social Worker in my Dept. Motif tetiba ajak I pergi party?

Mula-mula, hatiku yang cepat perasan ni, rasa bangga lah ada jantan hensem nak ajak I gi party. He is a good looking man, 5 years younger than I am and has been shadowing me for the last one month.So today, he texted my mobile with kunun nya an idea to cheer me up (pasai apa nak cheer me up pulak? Nanti I bagitau apasal ye)

***I got this invite to a party.I think you should come with me...it will do you hell lotta good.Text back.***

See Kiah, although you might think that I am no longer wanita melayu terakhir, unlike many ehem..single people out there, I ni tak rajin keluar malam.Jangan kata keluar malam,keluar siang, keluar tengahari and keluar petang pun jarang you.Pergi party apatah lagi...selagi tak kena ugut dengan Memo bagai..jangan haraplah I akan pergi...(tapi birthday kawan-kawan or party pindah rumah baru Org Cambridge tu mesti akan pergi..hint,hint)

I cakap dengan this colleague of mine...tak nak pergi lah.Lagipun situkang buat party tu bukan nya ajak I pun.Pakcik ni memujuk rayu..meh la ikut.This friend of mine is from Malaysia.I'm sure it will be fun. Fun? FUN??? Fun palahotak dia lah. Since bilalah pulak ber party dengan orang Malaysia ni FUN? (Wuihh..statement bongkak you)

Bila dengar si empunya party ni orang Malaysia and according tu my colleague ni, orang Melayu jugak...lagilah I malas nak pergi.I can see myself being a sore thumb kat situ. I cakap lah kat omputih ni, don't think it is a good idea.I wasn't invited and I'm sure your mate will not be impressed another Malay tagging along...spoiled the party.

What is the party for anyway? (Aiseh...tammo pergi, tapi masih mau tanya)

Ohh...my friend just got married, just a small party with friends. Come on lah Makji..I told them I'll be bringing you.

Last-last I pun pergi. Dalam kepala..okaylah..party orang melayu..misti ada meehon and mintak-mintak the organiser have some sense to jamu kuih karipap. I takut betul kalau si empunya party ni Kak Katak ke or any Malay yang I kenal tapi tak nak geng githoo...but setelah ku selidik, there is no bad connection whatsoever....

So..off we go.Rumah this Malaysian guy is somewhere in Holland Park..wuiyooo...rumah besar lah tu.

One malay-looking young lady opened the door for us. I have never seen her in my life.Maybe this is a good sign.She got really posh accent...as in Melayu posh, ala-ala anak Datuk2 sekolah oversea githoo.She happily took away the wine we bought them (macam celaka kan? Pergi party rumah org Melayu pahtu bawak wine..nak wat camne dah gitu amalan org sini pergi party)

The moment I entered the house, sungguhlah terperanjat nya when I saw gambar Yamtuan & Tengku Ampuan kat dinding rumah tu (psstt..OOD, bukan laki kau yo?)

Well....I better stop the story now. I will ended up giving away names and more names. Suffice to say that

1) Meehon, takdak
2) Karipap..jauh sekali
3) Yes, I was the sore thumb. While everyone including the large capacity of Antahs Household is bubbling away...bottle after bottle, I was the only one (maybe 2 others) is sticking with Diet Coke.

What shocked me the most is that...I have never seen a group of Malay so westernised something rotten. Buek malu orang Pilah yo.

Saturday Night Ramblings

Chewahhhh......bulan puasa akan menjelma not far from today.Semoga penuhlah puasa I tahun ni...penuh as in tidak adalah hari puasa yang akan terkorban atas sebab-sebab yang boleh di elak kan eg. Boss ajak makan etc.

See...I ni malas nak sembahyang.Ni sungguhlah kisah benar.I'm not sure if my excuse is valid, but the substantial reason that contributed largely to my being irreligious is because tidak adanya kemudahan asas untuk sembahyang (boleh ke bagi alasan camni?)

I know...I know....ni semuanya alasan....kalau nak sembahyang, mana-mana pun boleh sembahyang...tak cukup tutup pun tak apa janji hati ikhlas...Allah akan terima.I could if I would, but..the last time I pray was when I am at my parents, last year.

My opis, unlike your opis...tak adanya bilik nak sembahyang.Apart from me, there's one Pakistani girl and Somalian guy who are Muslims...but, bukan nak cakap besar lah you all...I ni lagi alim dari si dua orang tu.

Balik rumah...lagi lah tak ada tempat nak sembahyang.I'm sure si Tua would not mind or terkezut badak tetiba aje nampak I bertelekung dalam rumah dia, but how can you have a clear conscience beribadat kat tempat you buat maksiat? Ni tak termasuk lah si Tua and kengkawan nya (termasuk aku sekali) yang berlalu lalang dalam rumah pakai kasut yang entah-entah ada trace taik anjing tu...cehhh)

And that's why, I tak pernah sembahyang.Kadang-kadang I malu jugak...bila bersembang dalam Facebook dgn kawan-kawan, tetiba they all have to excuse themselves for solat.Haiyoh!!!! Isn't that enough tanda-tanda for me to start doing the same?

So, syabas kepada Queen eLEEzabeth of West Midland ittew yang demi menghormati bulan puasa Al-Mubarak ini, akan berehat dari menulis blog...walaupun I tak setuju dengan keputusang mu ittew, tapi apakan daya, itu kang blog mung...bukang blog kawe.

If we share the same rationale, macam I ni, kalau tak daya nak beribadat macam Kiah...pergi Usrah, sedekah pisang bagai...I will buat mana yang terdaya aje...macam berpuasa dibulan Remdan.What I also tend to do is to read the translation of Quran, chapter by chapter, one hour daily.I so wish I can do more but with my local mosque populated by terrorist (in side and outside) maka, bertarawikh lah aku didalam hati.Isskkkk....sedeykan? If only Finsbury Park is like Mesjid or Surau kat Paroi Jaya, where I can walk with my telekung freely without the local thinking that they just saw a Poltergeist passing by or worst, kena kejar dengan budak-budak hoodies.

Still, fasting in London is not easy.Lainlah kalau I duduk kat Bayswater/Paddington tu...

Berikut adalah contoh-contoh obstacles-obstacles kat opis di bulan Puasa.

9am....segala umat dalam Opis tu nak buatkan you coffee...tea...bila kita refuse, ditanya apasal pulak? Kenalah cakap...sebab I puasa. Mana yang tak tahu apa benda tu, mulalah tanya...apa benda nya 'Puasa' tu Makji? Dah...satu kerjalah pulak kau kena bagi bimbingan agama kan?

Mind you...orang putih ni, every 2 hours minum tea, coffee and isap rokok.Every 2 hours tu jugaklah mana unsuspecting colleague ni will ask you the same question...I'm making myself a cup of tea, would you like one, Makji? No thanks..I posa you...ohhh really? Nah kau...kena lagi bagi bimbingan agama.

***Expect the above routine to last at least for a week, until semua orang tahu and remember the reason why you can't be offered a cup of tea/coffee whenever they're making themselves one***

Lunch time ialah time yang paling seksa sekali.Bukan seksa nak menahan lapar...but seksa nak explain kat segala macam manusia kenapa you takleh makan.Bimbingan agama lagi.To convince the overall health-conscious people that you're going to be fine despite tak minum kopi/teh or lunch is hard work. Ehh...are you sure you are going to be okay Makji? Tu belum lagi puak-puak yang akan membentangkan implikasi-implikasi mental and fizikal dek tak makan.Expect plenty of this when you're working in National Health Service.This over curious people will not just go away with 'can't eat, I'm fasting today' reasoning.

They say that the Setans is chainlocked and unable to reach out.True.However, they transformed themselves into office party organiser or even your own Boss, make a booking at the expensive hotel for a department meeting.Ni lah antara sebab-sebab puasa I selalunya akan terburai.Masa ni lah buat surprise birthday party dalam opis and order cake and pizza and if you don't join in si birthday boy/girl will happily take you down to the guilt lane...Ohhh...its my birthday...I really, really want you to join in'. Hati berbelah bagi...posa boleh diganti (although tak sama dibulan Remdan) tapi hati kawan yang tak paham kepentingan berpuasa and menghayati bulan Puasa? See....you really can't afford to be a notorious Muslim.

Another obstacle....is the partner.My partner made it very obvious yang dia tak berkenan langsung I berpuasa ni.Is nothing to do with religion...but takut I sakit, diet tak betul katanya.But lama-lama dia dah tak boleh nak kata apa dah.I think the partner is just annoyed that I berpuasa 'segalanya' di bulan Puasa.Against Human Right katanya...hamboiii...tang-tang tu, pandailah nak ber Human Right bagai kan? Yang dia tu tak kasi I pergi party? Tak kasi I jawab telepon kalau I kat rumah dia? Tak kasi I makan ayam kat dalam rumah dia? Eh..ni kes masalah rumahtangga lain pulak ni.

Susah betul nak menjadi kambing di kandang lembu ni.Kena ikut style lembu.

But word can't descibe an accomplished Puasa Day.Sahur minum coke and makan biskut...buka..tak tau makan apa but a completed day is all worth it.There is no bazaar selling hundreds type of kuih or lauk pauk and there is no azan or that creepy Garrison Camp siren to indicate waktu berbuka puasa, but kejayaan berpuasa dan merentasi halangan-halangan diatas, adalah kejayaan yang sungguh mutlak!!!

So, Cikgu Azrin Yang Garang....nak ke berbuka puasa dengan saya kat Cafe Nero?

Memorable Revenge

After they closed down Oriental City, we (as in me an the MB's) ran out of place to eat nasik lemak and the lot.The last time I ate karipap was during the Malaysia Fest and that is so karipap perasa jahanam.Tak sedap..cis...is cost 50pence satu and it taste like feet.Cis..cis...cissss!!!!

One of my client told me about a place called 'Makan-Makan' in Twickenham...by the Richmond Road border.I went passed and what I saw is a small takeaway like cafe with a mixture of Chinese-Malaysian food served.Hmmm,to tell you the truth...I tak rajin sangat dengan mixture Chinese and Malay ni, because it is more likely to taste Chinese rather than Malay...ohh, you know what I mean. Ni takde sentimen tak boleh makan apa orang cina masak or what orang Melayu masak...I boleh makan sapa-sapa aje yang masak.

I stayed at MB's last Friday and both of us decided to eat out as MB takde mood nak masak (ni kes orang putih tu tinggal periuk mangkuk tak basuh kat dapur la ni) and I dah mega kelaparan dihari-hari hujan tu.

So, off we went and we ordered Curry Laksa & Mee Hon Goreng to eat it. MB being the peramah one, mulalah start berborak dengan amoi tu that she forgot the most important thing to tell the waitress (we only do this when we are ordering the Chinese). They served the food yang sungguh lah menggiurkan and seperti biasa, MB will kacau my Curry Laksa and habiskan dekat separuh King Prawn I.Cisss...lagi!!!

When MB was tweaking her vermicelli, she thought she saw some weird kind of diced meat and dengan serta mertanya we both know that it is babi. I cakap dengan MB, kenapa pulak you boleh lupa nak pesan kat amoi tu jangan taruk babi? Because it was clearly our mistake, I cakap dengan MB, asingkan ajelah benda tu...just eat the chicken.See, I know it sound gross, but the reality is, yes..it is pig.it was a mistake and what can you do about it?

But the amoi was very thoughtful.She assumed that MB is not muslim (dah dia pi kompang kat orang tu dia from East Malaysia) and cepat-cepat offer to cook her another one without the babi.

I can imagine a lot of thought provoking remark if we are in any Melayu populated area who will not dare to be even an inch close to daging babi.The fact is that, we thought, if we were to refused it, then it will be offensive.The last thing you want to be is offensive and offending people.

I worked in a hotel long enough to know that the offender will be serve with revenge.In any other customer oriented industries too. Cold-heartedly.I'm the type who will simpan dalam hati and bye-bye baby.It is an unfortunate fact of life but customer can really get under our kin.During my waitressing days, the complaint about service and food I can deal with but when they cross the line, like when their dissatisfaction evolves into personal attacks, one can be sorely tempted by thoughts of revenge.

I got a big dirty confession to make.Long time ago, the management team at this hotel I was working, had to take turn being on Duty.I was on Duty that night.On my usual day, I was overseeing the daily sales and operation and I often come across this not so young looking man(but he is 5 years younger than me) always checking in with his companion (I doubt she is the wife) He is so berlagak...always ask for P&C, do not disturb and all that pretentious demand as if he is paying for the Presidential Suite. With all his demand, he never once tipped the checking in staff.One day I was checking him in, I asked for ID and politely asked him to fill in the registration card. Nak tau apa katanya? Do I have to? I will settle my bill when I check out...look at the address in my IC, I live in a prestigious area (see...he has Bukit Tunku as his address) and gave me all this big fuss. I was made to feel I was very little but hey, he is a paying customer.I was offended but that time, my pride was swallowable.

On the night that I was on Duty, I ran through the guest list. I saw his name and his cheeky little message 'Private & Confidential'. I called the concierge boy..'Eh Dik...nak duit pocket tak?' I was on my mission to serve him my revenge.

I asked this concierge boy to call his room (we actually gave him abour an hour or so..kasilah can abang mengongket dulu) and pretend that the JAIS is doing their random check. We told him that JAIS want to do their round and we had to assit them.We also cakaplah...tapikan Bang, kalau abang tak nak kena kacau, bagilah the officer minum kopi. Suffice to say, the concierge boy and me got $100 each. Kitoranglah yang menjadik JAIS pemakan rasuahnya....

Wah....abang punyalah gabrah...he escaped through fire escape stairs and meninggal kan his companion terkontang kanting githooo...I offered him our back door escape route.His companion paid the 'duit kopi' and checked out with dignity, as if nothing happened.

Nowadays, I have to be careful. Most people have grow up and don't do spiteful things anymore but they maybe thinking of other type of sadistic revenge.

I sure know a few tips. Hehheee.....(gelak jahat)

Monday Thoughts

I keep 'bumping'...metaphorically speaking...into many of my childhood friends all over Malaysia recently...hence, bertambah lah kawan kat Facebook kan?

See...I quite like it bila I ramai kawan walaupun yang nyatanya, there is no guarantee that I'll be speaking to any of them pun.But it is just nice to see how people grow and changed. I was suggested to go into special group like Ansara what not to find more 'specific' mates...but this friend of mine tak tau yang budak MRSM lah yang I paling tak nak kawan sekali. 2 years in school enough lah hey...I only keep in touch with 3 to 4..more than that, is like a crowd...considering depa-depa tu takdelah baik sangat dengan I pun.

My only childhood friend yang kira kawan sampai mati pun...semanjak dah berlaki and beranak ni, pun dah lain.Lain in the sense, anak and laki will always come first and will rather miss out on hottest night out. Yepp...I respect her privacy. She married a religious Ustaz and there goes our Tea-Dance days. But she still is a good friend yang bakal ku serang rumahnya di Hari Raya nanti...

I do envy those yang berkawan dari kecik dan dah besar gajah pun masih kawan lagi...macam budak TKC yang I kenal tu...mind you, kawan dari sekolah rendah..masuk sekolah asrama penuh pun sekali. Although I do feel bad men terkantoi kan dia kat best friend dia dengan segala macam 'glorious food for thoughts', hati ku tersentuh jugak bila her best friend, dengan tidak judgemental nya terus buat muka risau...'eh..stress benar ke kawan aku ni kat tempat kerja sampai dia jadi macam ni?'. This TKC girl is just lucky bukan aku ni best friend dia yang at the receiving end tu...with my mulut tempayan and evil thoughts...sahih-sahih the next day she will be labelled as nympho kat tempat kerja dia.

See...while some of us really want be owned by their kunun nya prestigious school and society, we sometimes forget who are our real friends.Or do we really have any?

Again...I don't have many.I sure do accumulating the numbers, thanks to this blog. However, that doesn't stop me from being the typical one, the one that talk about you behind your back. See, you bound to get uncomfortable about things. This thing can be something that is not that important, that you can live without ever mentioning it to that person in question but, you still need to answer your own curiosity...and to be able to say this without hurting people's feeling is to confide your thoughts with others. Literally, this is talking behind people's back but it is the healthy one.

I do feel bad that I sometime talk about my friend behind their back...but to be honest, some thing are better said not in the their present and believe it or not, you'll find way to deal with your discomfort better.

However, if you have a friend yang tak habis-habis menyakitkan hati...maka, marilah kita ber YM tengah malam and bergossip.

Macam-macam ada...

The summer in England this year is so unwelcoming...with hujan and panas taking turns. This is already August and is already feeling so autumn. Unlike the orang putih, the weather doesn't really bother me...apart from pengguna public transport macam I ni, and sipemalas bawak payung...travel time takes longer.

I'm having a difficult time at work (ohh..apakah cerita baru) and was asked to lie low for a bit by Boss.Not good, but necessary.

I was on Picadilly Line travelling towards Central London when I bumped into bunch of Malaysian businessman.I think they must have assumed that I am a Malay, that prompted them to suddenly talk about 'deliberately' opted for tube rather than limo to their bespoke hotel in London nun.For whatever reason they think I need to know about their choice of transportation pun tak tau la....

One man boast about doing deal with TPM that he refers as 'Najib' rather than Datuk Seri. Obviously, he described 'Najib' with full familiarity that even the dullest person like moir will think that they both geng-geng ketat githoo. One of them time-time tu lah (dalam tube yang bergegar-gegar tu) nak baca file-file business as if he is rushing to one big million pound meeting.

I must say that, because I am working in West London and depend heavily on Picadilly Line to travel back and to work, the sight of Malaysian coming and returning is regular.You can always tell by accent and by the mixed and match of English and Bahasa.I am quite choosy with who I want to be friendly with and they are usually the one that look very,very lost.Jahat kan I?

Couple of weeks ago, there's this laki bini with 2 anak. Maybe datang cuti-cuti London and the bapak was intensely studying the Underground Map on the tube wall (alaa...next to the tingkap tu) With father looking at the wall map and mother looking at the paper map, their children ended up looking at me. I look at their luggage with KUL/LHR and nampak lah Malaysian Airlines tag.I pikir 2,3 kali jugak nak tegur the hubby (as he was the closest one to me) takut the bini will hempuk I dengan handbag dia...but they were both clearly struggling and I overheard the hubby telling the wifey 'kita kena pergi South London'. I nak aje sampuk..there is no such thing as 'South London' on the tube map. The laki asked the wife to read the address of their presumed destination and wife terus cakap...nanananna...Essex. Of course, Essex is not is South London kan?

With the 2 children looking so penat and mengenangkan betapa kesian nya nanti kalau budak-budak tu akan dihangkut ke Essex,South London, I risk my life (nak kena hempuk dengan handbag, hempuk lah) and tegur the hubby 'Abang nak pergi mana?'. Abang face berbunga-bunga ceria githoo...'Eh, orang melayu ke?'

To cut the story short, I instructed the family to stop at Holborn and naik Central Line toward Essex. I also gave them a tip on how to travel cheap around London. Yang penting sekali...I tak lah kena hempuk dengan handbag bini dia, although the wife masa mula-mula gave me the look macam lah I nak pi kacau laki dia.

So, the 4 wannabe Posh but no so Posh businessman ni, gave out the impression that they are all well travelled and tak memerlukan pertolongan.One of them even said to the other who kununnya the navigator 'Ohh..I kalau USA tau lah..London ni kurang sikit'.

From what I see and hear, all of them is trying to outwit each other individually and for someone who kununnya travel for business macam travel balik kampung...I find it funny when

Businessman A 'Kalau nak pergi Harrods, berhenti kat mana ye?'
Businessman C 'Ohh..kau kena pergi King Cross Station, and jalan kaki 10 minit sampai'

Businessman B on Arsenal Station Picadilly Line 'Kat sinilah Stadium Arsenal tu. I ada kawan tinggal kat area Arsenal ni'.

(pssttt...mana ada area nama Arsenal?)

Businessman D 'My brother dulu belajar kat London'.
Businessman A 'London kat mana?'
Businessman D 'Oxford Uni'.


Well travelled Businessman aye?

Manu Nanu

When I was in Zurich recently, MB dengan jahatnya sent me a text telling me that 'oi..kat London now ni ada Malaysia fest, rugilah you tak dapat join'. I was actually due back to London yesterday tapi dengan semangat berkobarnya (plus sakit hati) I told Boss (whom I was having a meeting with in Zurich) yang I kena gak balik London on Sunday pasal I ada urgent presentation on Monday.

Bak kata Capt Lukmang....awat Makji meeting jauh sangat sampai kat Zurich nun? Nak kata kerja dengan company multi-national takde pung. Weh..Boss ada manager's conference (puaka nya, Boss besar-besar conference kat luar UK) and tetiba pulak before she left on Thursday last week, dia suruh secretary dia book flight for me as well for Friday.I cakap kat Boss, kita tunggu you balik London lah baru cerita...takkk...nak jugak I pergi Zurich to join that meeting. (Ada result nya you all...tapi tak leh cerita sekarang...Boss tengah negotiate ni)

Boss boss besar ni, meeting nya sehari aje..pahtu 2,3 hari lain pergi berbonding session pulak main ski.Makji ni you all..orang kampung.Manalah nak retinya main ski ni.Main roller blade lepas la..tu pun 10 tahun dulu masa badan masih 58-59 kg.Sekarang ni agaknya, mau jatuh tulang terpulas kebelakang kot. So last Sunday, subuh-subuh tak berapa gelap I dah naik kapalterbang sampai City Airport tu (lagi satu celaka kan..my flight ticket ala-ala murs murs githoo..tu yang travel subuh-subuh gelap)

Sometime 10.30 am, I ended up in Waterloo Station and I thought I nampak muka this woman yang sungguh familar githooo.It's only after an hour I realised that was Maya Karin, that pontianak woman.Hapa dia buat kat Waterloo Station tu? Nasib baik nya sik main lompat-lompat atas padung kan, Lisz? She was without that scarry make up and in fact, she wore too many make up that made her foundation so, so obvious.But still, I'm able to recognised her (after an hour..ye lah tu)

So off we went to Pottersfield Garden kat Tower Bridge sinun. Malaysian Government (again???) organising a Malaysian Fest for 4 days, ending on 1st of June. Masa ni lah kalau sesapa yang berpartnerkan Mat/Minah Salleh akan buat lawatan sambil belajar, mengajar pakwe/makwe memasing tentang keindahan budaya Malaysia tu.

My main intention is to meet up with our close freind of ours yang menjadik emcee Malaysia Fest tu, disamping nak makan karipap.Ye lah, semenjak Puan Zaiton balik Malaysia and Oriental City pun dah bungkus ni, deprived sungguh taww.

Was I happy with the food? Dah le yang tukang jual nya orang-orang yang sama aje everytime ada government function cam ni, quality of the food like lap kaki, mahal nak mampos pulak tu. Adalah I nampak this stall jual karipap...so I macam pelahapnya gi lah suruh MB pergi beli karipap sampai 5...you see, I ni kalau nak makan karipap tak cukup satu. MB had to beratur, okaylah..tak kisah.I dengan MB2 tengok show budak-budak cultural group to berjoget. Badan masing-masing (termasuk lah dengan yang jantan nya) patah gemertap sungguh! There was this guy, kunun nya macam Hang Tuah...but he appears with foundation yang amatlah tebal nya...plus, he look like Capt Lukmang....(tapi mung lagi comel akinggggg...)

MB2 reaction was 'there is so many gay men in Malaysia'. I'm not sure if she is referring to the male dancers or our friends yang dia kenal...semuanyakan set-set Cik Gayah belaka.

I nak aje cakap kat adik-adik tu...(yang jantan nya) Dik, tak pergi gym ke? Bagilah nampak 6 pack or tegap-tegap sikit. There was a time when they had to dance without bajus...and masing-masing nampak cam cicak kobeng aje.Tapi bersilat-silat hiyaaah!!! hiyaaahhh!!! Camne tu dik? Anak buah I yang macam Spiderman tu pun tak takut.

Bila MB tiba dengan lauk pauknya...they both ate mee goreng and I makan keuhtiau yang rasa payau tu..(Puan Zaiton...I sujudddsssssss dengan you punya kueh tiaw) and I pun dengan rakus nya makan lah karipap yang MB kata rega nya £0.50 satu....you all nak tau apa inti nya? Sadin you all..sadin....kalau lah tak mengenangkan kulit/muka/suara I ni macam orang Melayu (nak disguise as orang putih/other foreigners pun tak kan jadi nya) harus I baling balik kat stall tu dengan ucapan 'Hahhh..hambek lah kau..makan sendiri!!!!!!!'. Pedih hati I tawwww.

I spent nearly £40.00 for food (Malaysian food buatan puak-puak Bayswater ni boleh tahan lah cekik darahnya) and mengenangkan hari tu birthday MB2, I dengan MB cakap, udahlah..takyah kutuk2..sabar aje lah. MB2 yang tak tau apa, makan tak sedap pun dia akan cakap sedap...tapi kan, si orang putih tu dah pandai komplen...bila makan lauk ni, dia akan compare dengan lauk yang Puan Zaiton buat. Ohh..not nice...Puan Zaiton's better...katanya.

The tarian show diselangselikan dengan nyanyian budak-budak tah hapa nama academy kat KL tu. What is it with Malaysian wannabe singer...kalau nak menyanyi aje, mesti nak tiru style orang. If she can't be Siti Nurhaliza, she have got to be Sheila Majid. The days where we have Uji Rashid (sora special), Azlina Aziz (sora pun special) and Kak Melah (sora tak lah sedap, but still is hers) and takdelah pulak masing-masing tu nak tiru sesapa.

My friend keep introducing me to some very famous artist (yang sumpah demi Allah I tak kenal) and cam orang bangang, I pun tanyalah..nama you siapa? I just stood there while budak2 ambik gambar dengan this so called famous actress.

While everyone was so kagum nak jumpa and salam dengan Pak Ngah, I boleh tanya dengan my friend ni..Pak Ngah ni siapa? I got a very weird look from orang-orang gomen ni. Ceh..manalah I tau Pak Ngah tu siapa kan? The only Pak Ngah I know is my own Pak Ngah yang dah mati 10 years ago.

The audience was introduced to quite few famous artiste and there is this film director yang kononnnya famous. Then I remember that we went to school together, so aku dengan muka tak malunya pergi lah tegur dia.Not only that I had to remind him who I was, dia punyalah blur-blur tak ingat kat I.So I cakap dengan MB, ish...malu I...dia dah tak kenal I. Celaka kau Jump!!! (This was his name at school...tapi this guy khabarnya dah jadik Pilim Director yang famous githoo)

Kesimpulannya, kalau you pergi pergi sekolah dengan orang-orang famous...after 10-15 years, don't expect them to remember you the same. I was in Seroja College for a short stint with Syafinaz & Camelia (zaman tak famous) so I doubt they remember me. Cehh..claim to fame kan?

So, yes. The Malaysia Fest ended in hujan yang tak berapa lebat tu. I hardly see any orang putih around and whether or not, this event is successful.

The best part is the fashion show.Although seeing the model remind me that I ni dah debab and untuk mempunyai badan yang ramping macam they all tu, patutkah aku makan maggie dua bungkus sehari?

Monday morning, I called my sister. I asked her...

Eh, who is Manu?

Adik I jawab..Manu mana pulak ni?

Alaaa..Manu pilim star...I was told she is famous...dia berlakon cerita apa hah?

Oitt..mana ada pelakon nama Manu...

Betul...Abang Dale cakap dengan aku nama dia Manu..pastu dia famous....

Nanu adalah....Nanu tu famous lah jugak...apasal?

Oh..Nanu ke nama dia. I saw her yesterday at London Bridge Malaysia Fest. Eh..apsal nama dia Nanu?

Why is her name Nanu?

Polite Notice

Hola you allllllllll.......

I got a text from Kiah, reporting to me yang dirinya tu dah menjadi mangsa kurap ayam...kononnya atas perbuatan mulutku yang puaka inilah maka kurap-kurap ayam yang halus milus tu dah bertakhta keatas dirinya. Hehehe...

To be honest Kiah, although I tak lah kisah kalau kau nak kata yang kerana ketulahan kemasinan mulut ku inilah kau dapat chicken pox (aku ni takdelah kuat makan garam kiranya) sumpahan ku ni takde kena mengena langsung dengan penyakit kau tu. Speaking of which, are you certain that is chicken pox bukan semburan pontianak? Bukan ke kau ni active membuat lawatan-lawatan mengejut kat tempat pembakaran semak terbuka orang-orang gomen tu?

I had chicken pox 2 years ago...lepas I balik dari Malaysia. Before I balik, my nephew yang sorang tu memang dah kena chicken pox and as I was at home babysitting-paksa-rela him (my mother looked after all her grandchildren...nilah semua sindrom beranak pas kat mak ni kan...adik-adikku yang pandai beranak tu)

While orang-orang keliling menjauhkan diri dari budak tu...akulah yang tukang taruk calamine lotion. People anxiety kat si pesakit campak ni, takut depa tu pun kena sekali. I pulak macam dah kebal (mind you, in my lifetime yang dah 35 ni) maklumlah I dah kena 3 kali...I was so confident my pisang will not berbuah kali yang ke empat (ceh..sungguhlah tak kena)

I keep telling my other cousins (see..orang n9 kan suka dok dekat2 sedara mara) yang rumahnya hanya sepelaung dari rumahku...that I am immune from chicken pox.I was all that JOBO, HATI BOSA and anything related to bongkak.

I arrived London one day before I due to start work...ish..I suka betul buat trip berani mati ni..besok nak kerja, hari ni baru balik. Or malam ni nak fly...pukul 4 ada kat opis lagi...

That fateful morning...masa nak gi taruk anti-aging cream (hah..kau ado Kiah?) I terperasan yang my face ada bintik-bintik yang nak kata macam jerawat, tak pulak nampak cam jerawat. My arms pun ada gak bintik-bintik...and whaddayaknow, belakang badan ku..bintik mengalahkan Pesta Port Dickson!!!!

I pi jumpa my GP (nasib baik dia ada slot) terus pakcik tu confirm yang I ni ada chicken pox...and signed me off for 2 weeks. I cakap dengan GP, apsal lak I kena pox ni...I dah kena dah before...GP yang macam malas nak explain tu cakap...happens to anyone lah Makji....

So, ni peringatan kepada you all yang dah rasa kebal tak kan kena chicken pox pasal dah dapat one previously...chicken pox tak mengenal usia, nationality,agama and jantina. Kalau kau duduk dekat dengan orang ber chicken pox..maka akan kena chicken pox lah anda...

Chicken pox juga akan tumbuh melata macam pokok serai...the saddest part is atas muka (habislah tak boleh jadik photogedik model) bawah ketiak...bawah dada..bawah situ-situ pun sekali...tanpa malu-malu.Yang menjadi mangsa malu besar nya ialah sipesakit itu. See...kalau dah tua ni, kena demam campak sungguhlah seksa.If you are little, mak taruk calamine lotion..nobody cares if you walk about telanjang bulat kan? Dah tua-tua ni nak bertelanjang? Kang habis chicken pox..dapat pulak sakit lain...(kepada yang berlaki sahaja)

Now that I think about it..orang kata, bila bintik tu dah keluar maknanya, you have passed the contagious part...ermm...I was very contagious lah makna nya bila I dalam flight tu...huiiyyoooo..habislah satu kapalterbang MAS tu kena pox that time.

So...sila jauhkan diri anda dari Cik Kiah dengan serta merta.

Sekian.

Hot & Bothered....again!!!

You all...hari ni tadi, I bumped into Kak Katak!!!!!!!!!!

And because hari ni panas berdentum and so, I wore shorts to work (bukan yang skimpy punya tawww) but tah macam mana, bila I masuk opis aje, my colleague cakap, Makji, Dr So and So nak jumpa you pasal semalam....(apa jadik semalam? Ada orang dalam unit meroyan so I instructed my colleague to bagi si patient ni 2mg of Lorazepam sebelum satu rumah menjadik arwah)

I thought bila I dah email Boss pasal that incident (see...if you ever resorted to use PRN meds to de escalate tension, you got to report to Boss besar) and hal ni pun hal kecik, so takyah lah nak involve psychiatrist kan? Silap besar...the fact that patient ni, a female, her last meroyan season was about 4 years ago, so the high and mighty yakni Occ.Therapist, Psychiatrist and Psychologist terus gabra and demanded an urgent observation. Pundekkkk sungguh taw...

I dah buat plan nak bawak patient I jenjalan sambil menikmati matahari (dan aku juga bakal menikmati proses pengularan) and tup-tup...Makji Esah, please call Dr Sawanbiawak at West Middlesex. So I call her...apa ke kisah nya Makcik? Makcik Psycho tu plak (see this job does get to you at some point...this woman is a Consultant Psychiatrist, but I rasa OrangUtan Molly kat Sepilok punya rambut lagi kelasssssss dari dia, demanded an explanation in person and suruh I bawak patient tu masuk A&E. So I went to the hospital with my seluar katok to attend an emergency strategy meeting. You know, sometimes I menyampah kerja dengan orang putih ni, kadang2 benda kecik jadik besar...gajah depan mata yang ada tendency nak parang orang, they all bagi lepas pulak kan? So what...this female patient is in a funny mood yesterday so to calm her down, aku bagi ubat yang dah sahih-sahih si Makcik Psycho ni prescribed, so, apa masalah nya sampai nak panggil meeting2 lak ni?

I think it was my anxiety more than anything membuatkan I menjadi motormouth ber argument dengan Makcik Psycho and her team. I kan pakai short..tak pasal-pasal kena tegur pasal dress code.I cakap dengan Makcik Psycho...let's just allow nature some humanity here.The patient was behaving out of character, which I can safely assumed to be an act of frustration. She is not suicidal or homicidal or experiencing auditory hallucination...because she has high functioning autism, she cannot express her emotion like we do.And because of her behaviour can trigger episod-episod gila patient lain, I gave her a sedative which is authorised and legal.I will personall bring her to you if I think she is dangerous.....so podah!!!!!

Takde kerja lain org sepital ni nak section orang aje....dah tak cukup ke orang gila kat secure unit you?

So I left the board meeting and on my way out, I nampak Kak Katak.I'm not in the best mood ditambahlagi dengan I pakai short and Kak Katak pakai tudung ala-ala pompuan muslimah so I feel so tak tentu hala...

Kak katak said she lost my number as her mobile phone dah hilang and that she really need to talk to me. Like orang Malaysia yang lain that always assume that kita ni free sokmo, she pulled me away 'jom kita cakap kat sana..'pointing at the cafe...

I stopped and look at her, bukan I tak nak, I have to go somewhere and it is not a good time. I only have 2 minutes to catch that bloody bus yang operate every hour from the sepital, so if I miss that, I am going to be hellllllllllllllllllllllllllllll late. Mengamuk patient I nanti....they all tu mana suka nak tunggu-tunggu.

I cakap kat Kak Katak....sambil lari-lari anak...I'll call you...sambil buat hand sign phones4U. Ingatkan dia nak cakap..okay..I wait for your call, nak tau apa katanya?

'Sombong'.

_____________________________ jawab I dalam hati (please fill in the blank)

(Ohhh, I so want to be) Hot and (but not) Bothered

Cuaca yang yang sungguh panas berdentum semalam telah juga mengakibatkan mood I berdentum-dentum jugak.Hisshhhh.Ni lah susahnya jadik melayu tak sedar diri.Panas komplen..sejuk pun komplen. Kalau datang dari negara 4 musim takpelah jugak...ni datang dari Paroi Jaya pehtu,raso nak menggelupo lak bila hari paneh...

I refused to travel on the underground yang masa time-time ni lah berbau puaka....oh people, have you not heard of deodorant? Are not conscious at all yang your baju berbau kepam yang boleh memengsankan kami-kami yang lemah deria hidu ni? So busuk you all. Kalau masa summer, bau ketiak orang tak pakai deodorant and bila winter pulak bau badan orang tak mandi..ishhhh!!!!!So, during the weekday, I menumpang sekaki kat rumah MB and from her house to my workplace, I boleh naik beskal aje...hint hint...(I dah debab)

I takde urgent appoinment today and I know for sure Boss-Boss besar takkan adanya nak membuat lawatan mengejut, so I pergi kerja hari ni pakai three quarter shorts.None of my patient ada massive sexual issue so I think three quarter length trouser is the safe option...takdenya nak memberahikan sesapa...(lagipun, I ni bukannya berbody cam Elle McPherson, so pakailah baju sempit-sempit pun, takdok nya orang nak pandang)

Half day passed, I thought my colleague will pick up on my dress code today (considering yang I ni their line manager) ye lah..I selalu cakap kat my colleague sampai siap buat memo-memo bagai, please dress appropriately (to the female) ye lah..kita ni kan ada sexual offender patient yang dah berpuasa sekian lama...(tah ye tah tidak lah tu) and to the male, janganlah dok nak menayang aurat bagai...as in muscular arms.Ada sorang nymphomaniac, kang tak pasal-pasal kena pounce belakang pintu.

Sebagai Boss besar yang boleh masuk opis sesuka hati (especially bila Boss yang paling besar sungguh busy dan gerentinya tak kan cari I pepagi buta) I arrived work at 10am today.And from 10 am to 6.30 pm today....I keep log on all the comments made by my colleague

10.15 am, my office. 'Ohh..my god, Makji Esah...you got a very nice leg. That really suit you'. (Compliment from Jantan, 45 years old...hensem tapi ketot.Cakap banyak lak tu)

11am, at the pantry.'Ohhh..let me touch your skin..ohh, you got no hair on your legs. I wish I have legs like yours' (Compliment from pompuan muda ni...yang sungguh obsess dengan kekurangan bulu kat kaki I.)

1pm - Late shift staff reporting for duty and terus tegur seluar 3 quarter I...eh Makji, kaki you cantik lah Makji.....

3pm - The pompuan muda obsess with my kaki...'Ohh Makji, I bet you never have to shave your legs..it is so soft...where did you get the trouser from? Oh lupa nak add..pompuan muda juga adalah Ratu Shopping Complex dalam department I.

4pm...semua diatas, datang jumpa I kat opis and mengusap-usap kaki I...hish..tak pernah tengok kaki orang takde bulu ke?

For what it's worth...terasa sungguh glamer nya hari ni, walaupun panas tapi compliment itu sungguh menyejukkan...hehehe.

Note: I have never shave my legs....I think I must came from the bulu less Mammals species.

Birthday Wish...

Hello you all....

Today is TL's 40th birthday...those who follows my catatan-catatan mengarut ni will now know that TL is the ex boyfriend who died earlier this year.

I must confess that I am not that Muslimah berhemah will baca yasin or organise a kenduri arwah for him to commemorate his grand birthday.I was thinking about him since last night, while segala jantan yang I tau at this age will start questioning their sanity (as in...perlukah aku buat evaluation kat diri sendiri, masih bergetah ke etc...alaaa..that kind of evaluation) TL is somewhere up there (or roaming in my house tengok apakah I buat this time..yes Encik, saya tengah buat posting) having a better life.

My evil mind ada jugak terpikir, had he chosen to marry me and I am now a 35 years widow and takde anak (I don't know why, but I always suspect that I am mandul) But you know what? Good on him...satu keputusan yang betul. I don't know what women would rather be...janda or balu.

One of my school friend, ceh..minah ni kahwin muda...after SPM githooo.....but her laki died in a motor accident.She was devastated...and never want to remarry.When I saw her last, we talked about her decision...oh, I shouldn't say 'decision'. Minah belum terbuka hati nak mencari pengganti.From what she said, I gather that she is still in the state of shock...although her husband dah 'pergi dulu sebelum ku' almost 16 or 17 years ago. She was pregnant with her daughter when accident happened and laki never got to see his own flesh and blood. Again...having untimely detached from your love ones is a loss difficult to bear.Hati masih chenta...nak mencari pengganti rasa macam main kayu 2,3 pulak.Ni lah masalahnya.I think she just can't cope with guilt having to betray her abang sayang...and pulak lagi, letting another man membela anak abang sayang tu.So, kahwin lagi or mencari pengganti is always the last option (or none..by the look of it) Furthermore, I think orang kampung is not very forgiving if pompuan mati laki kawin lagi....tapi kan, kalau duda mati bini, lajuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu aje agency mencari jodoh pasang kompang kan?

Union that ended in divorced equals to 2 manusia yang menyampah antara satu sama lain.Not only that si pompuan kena cerai (in most cases kan?) having to live with the angry thought of your marriage (shall we say, investment?) not working out...si jantan tu masih ada atas muka bumi ni and within second, will jump at the first opportunity to menayang bini baru kat muka you.Mana yang kedekut will have to live with the fact that habis segala lembu kobau yang tumbang, mata berkilat-kilat sebab buat bunga telur and habis duit ribu-ribu...and kesudah eh? Kono coghai yo.....hish..rasa nak mintak balik duit yang dah kena belanja tu kan?

As I remember TL very fondly....he is the type of person who live in the present.He never talk about growing old...he never plan what to do when he is at this age, that age.I don't think he even plan his proposal to me...is purely driven by the anxiety that we are about to be separated.His only words was 'let me go home (Malaysia) and get ready'. Knowing him that well, I know exactly what was his intention.Very straightforward. To be honest here, I don't think I can ever cope with people who life planning nya mengalahkan kertas kerja Rancangan Malaysia Ke 5, with okay...kita beli rumah bila kita macam ni...kita beranak sekian-sekian...I am going to do this and that in 5 or 10 years....

Yes, because of all the nicest thing he ever was, I want to remember his birthday...and I will upload his favourite song (yang kunun nya ditujukan untuk aku ni) in my imeem list for a week, for me to have a good cry....

Happy 40th Birthday, awak....kesian awak dah mati.

Wasalam.

Ramblings

It is very hard to talk to people who would not listen.When they do listen, they only listen to themselves.

Lately ni, I am seriously thinking about quitting my job.I have done it for almost 8 years now (eh ye ke?) and I seriously can't see anything that can excite me anymore.(I must also tell you that this is the longest job I have...)

I was reading somewhere about 'It is OK for you to stop now' and I'm sure that article is not only talking about job. We always think that the route to success is determination, but now I'm not sure. This is not (hopefully) a dead end job.I can always be re trained in something else but the question is, do I want to change? I keep on thinking that I couldn't leave...for security reason.I've been in a relationships that I knew weren't going anywhere, but I couldn't bear to end them or admit that I'd made mistake.I'd just pretend it was a phase and wait for the other person to finish it with me.

I think I know some people who are like 'that'. My mother for instance (cess, tak baik sungguh I...just because my mother ni sungguhlah isteri mithali) and how I am so sorry for her 'inability' to walk away.As much as I am this wannabe daredevil and kunun nya a 'risk taker'...like my mother, I secretly wish that things will work out eventually....sabar,sabar and sabar.

I'm sure we will have experienced the same inner or batu-batu api bertauliah lain nagging sensation that we should have seen things through, felt the same guilt at leaving something undone, or worry that others will see us as irresponsible or weak for not finishing what we started.But why even we know it miserable, we find it difficult to quit?

We labour under the misapprehension that if we try hard enough, we can have and be whatever we desire.I desire the life I'm living now......and I'm sure quite a few will envy.I keep getting message from old friends that wish they have never left UK and stayed put here.They moan about their life with laki and anak-anak, feeling trapped and very homicidal.

Well, it is much beter having a laki (walaupun perangai puaka) and anak-anak and nearby families and friends than being all alone with friends yang boleh bilang dengan jari.(manalah kawang ku maybank yang janji manismu bagai nak hantar tuna chilli dalang ting tu?)

Ohhh...I'm so fed up


(to be continued...ceh, cam baguih aje)

The Toxic Ex Girlfriend

I don't know many men. Be it casual or romantic. I am very pemalu...although the like of Kiah would beg to differ, but this statement is so true.

Romantically, the was maybe 3 or 4. I love one of them to death (he is, at the time of this report is dead) one of them is hit and miss and another two is just a classic story of being in a rebound. Dua tiga menjak ni, I sungguh terkenang kat yang dah mati tu.Next week is his 40th and I'm so sorry that he don't live long enough to see it.

Of course bila orang dah mati, we want to remember only nice thing about them. I'm sure the late ex boyfriend (TL) got really plenty nice things to say about me because I am indeed the nice one. Chewwwwaaahhh!!! Oh, by the way, can I now refer him as TL? It is better that way. I really don't fancy him hounding me in my dream...eh, kenapa you panggil I siamang?

TL loves his friends...I will always come 2nd.At that time, I don't mind it very much kerna aku chenta padanya...but I'm sure no woman would want to be seconded that way.I was young and naive but I know in my heart, it is all for a good faith.You don't want to come between your man and his mates.Plus, of course lah, you're hoping to be crowned the most sporting and understanding girlfriend of the year.

I don't know why women think that it is important to be like by their man's mates. It is as if, you need to get their approval and secretly hoping that they will tell your boyfriend that 'ohh, kau sungguh bertuah mendapat awek sepertinya'. Do you really think that they care? Ptuihhh!!! Harammm jadah takdenya.

One of TL best friends, masa tu (ni jaman-jaman 1992 -1994) tengah asyik maksyuk berchenta jugak.She is of course better looking than me (ditambah lagi dengan si dia ni sungguhlah terasa dia lawa nak gila) and god is great kan, orang lawa ni, tak menjanjikan perangai yang lawa...I seriously think that at that time being lawa come with a package.When you're lawa, to make the perfect finish, you have got to be drama queen and extra mengada-ngada.And she is all that. She is a law student, and seperti biasa (speaking from experience) female law student selalu will make a demanding girlfriend.That's why I didn't passed.

One summer in 1993, TL and mates decided to pergi menempek tengok concert kat Glastonbury nun. Bunyi macam glamer...but not my cup of tea.I would prefer Hammersmith Apollo or Wembley, yang aku boleh duduk and pergi toilet.If you ask me, Glastonbury festival is only suitable for men...I doubt gay men will be bouncing up and down at the possibility of tengok that kind of concert.

TL told me that they will be going for couple of days (of course lah, TL mana nya pernah ajak I) and this gf of his mate, merengek-rengek nak ikut.Against his better judgement, the bf decided to let his gf tagged along.The group was therefore made up of 6 boys and one girl.

Of course when TL came back from his Glastonbury escapade, I got to listen to the story. I asked TL, how was that girl? Boleh pulak anak Datuk like her mahu diusung ke Glastonbury yang penuh lalang/semak/taik anjing tu. Did she really join in? It is not like her to slumming it like that isn't she? TL told me that she wasn't and she didn't.

TL told me that poor bf have to do this, do that for her. Bf was very considerate but there only so much moaning one man can take.TL said when she demanded the bf to find her a toilet that didn't stink, tu diaaahhhhh!!!! They broke up that summer, surrounded by Glastonbury muds with Wellington boots in sight everywhere.

You're probably thinking, kesian, apasal lah pakwe dia buat dia camtu.I can see where you're coming from but in the real world, si pompuan tu lah yang bersalah nya. She broke one of dating's golden ruless: she merged two tribes.

So now's the part where I tell you how can you wow your boyfriend's friends, right? Wrong. You can't.Be yourself and you can get them to like you.But you will never get to a point where they want you on their outing together - because you will alter the dynamic. The conversation's different, the jokes are different and most of all your boyfriend's different. Mate Mat Din and boyfriend Mat Din are two separate entities. It is not sad. It's sensible.

Every healthy relationship needs an escape pod and this doesn't mean pergi berpoya-poya tak hingat rumahtangga and slagging you off. It means scheduling time apart to exercise their musculinity and your femininity (slagging them off or discussing how good was your acrobatic session..heheh..is this what you all talk about, you married women?) and remind ourselves how different (or lost) they would be without you.You got to allow them their freedom and they will love you more. You gatecrash their party and your invitation is likely to be rescinded.Permanently.

For a while, I don't think TL's member-member kamceng even noticed me and TL pulak masa kitorang berdating, macam nak mengelak kengkawan dia jumpa I. I did suspect yang I am not good enough to be introduced to his mates but only later that it emerged that his friends has high regard for me (for being the tak banyak cekadak ke?)

For what it's worth, TL did love me....so much that he chose other woman to marry. Hikss...

MCS

It is a human nature that we like life to be easy.We love less hassle.

One guilt-ridden yummy mummy in her blog, has pledge to be a good mother to her baby that she has yet to name. First sign of bad parenting.Susah benau ke nak bagi nama anak? We are all not in a hurry to emulate Johor Royal Clan who named their babies with all the names they can think about.Eh...nanti masa buat IC, takde masaalah ke Tuanku? Nobody expect you to name your baby Siti Nur Jamilah Fatimah Sabariah Maimunah Habibah Angelina Jolie binti Bapakdia. I'm sure there's so many names that you can just pick up from the thin air that you breathe...so, apa lagi?

Well, begitulah nasib second baby kan? Just because we don't fuss and suss, orang pikir kita ni tak kisah.If only you know what is inside...

I am the second child in my family. I am a very quiet child. I am contented wearing and playing 2nd hand clothes and toys, inherited from my eldest brother a.k.a anak pertama yang sungguh dinanti-nanti kehadirannya. I doubt that I am the 'unplanned' baby (I detest the term accident, demi menghormati perasaanku sendiri) because, although I don't get lots of fuss and attention, I am still my father's favourite (kata my mother lah...agaknya, after my brother mendurhaka, barulah dia terperasan betapa anaknya yang selalu tak banyak songeh ni adalah sebutir permata dalam lumpur (ceh..rasa nak muntah aku)

I can't remember creating a big drama when I was growing up. I go to school, I opted for kasut $ 7.99 Badminton Master tapak hijau and not Aliph (this kasut are so expensive those days) , I settled for 2B pencil and not that fancy mechanical pencil. My eldest brother were happily flashing away his magnetic pencil case with pintu depan belakang and I used the metal one that you have you press open.

I never complained.Never.I get what is given. My only demand was Dewan Pelajar. Sungguhlah low maintenance nya. My brother when to that all boy school near Tunku Durah's School. My parents visited him regularly with lauk pauk and pocket money. He seems to get everything he asked for. He behaved like he was so hard done by.Menyampah gila betul I dengan dia masa tu...his problems at school becomes our problems at home.My father was working in Karachi at that time, but made time to sort his problem from afar. My brother left that school after 2 years...I secretly think that it was my parents excessive intervention that caused him to behave like he owns the world.

I went into boarding school after that.The trauma he caused the family while he was living in the hostel taught me that, okay..I'm not going to be like him.I am not going to give my parents any stress.Even sekolah and senior-senior I macam celaka,I still tell my parents that I'm okay,walaupun tiap-tiap malam,air mata ku berchuchuran githooo.....

My mother was working fulltime when we were little, and you can imagine how difficult life must be for her dengan anak-anak yang menciak-ciak and dengan seorang laki yang tak nak menolong but suka memerintah aje. Obviously, a child like me is a bless for her.The less fuss I make, the better. She can focus on other things like masak,basuh kain, pergi kerja etc.She hardly ever have time to rest, apatah lagi nak bermesra dengan anak-anak. But she gave everything she could and she still does.

I think I grow up on my own. I have a parents but because I was too independent, I was let to do my own thinking and ocassionally left to my own devices. My brother behaved badly that I vowed not to impose so much demand to my 'poor' parents. However, all those years left me feeling sidelined and abandoned. It took a long journey in a personal teraphy to make me realised that my mother loves me the same she loves the others.

One of my work colleague was moaning about her daughter and quoted the 'middle child syndrome' words. I told her, you know what, she will be realiable one amongst your others because she had learned to fend for herself since she can remember. You better pray that she will not go far,far from you.

I don't know why I'm writing this. Maybe just to let you know there is some people out there yang tak suka buat kecoh, tak pandai nak mintak-mintak and would rather diam than berkeriau making a point or seeking attention.

And I am one of them...and I am a middle child.

My Awful Dream

Dek banyak sangat kerja, I opted to sleep at work yesterday. I was working and working and sedar2, dah pukul 10.45 malam and dengan keadaan England dikala ini ramai sangat Hang Jebat derhaka wannabe i.e. man and their knife...to catch a bus home and to travel sensorang atas tube ditemani budak-budak hoodie yang jahat, is not a good choice.Orang kata,kalau dah takdir nak mati, mati lah kat mana-mana...tapi being a foreigner far far from kampung halamankieww Paroi Jaya...I dread being dead in a foreign country. So sebagai ikhtiar (or takut hantu/budak hitam berpisau/percopet/mentally ill people let loose out there) I tidur lah kat opis. Opis ada folded bed and I already have a spare of everything in my bag.

I was woken up (tak hengat le pukui berapa) and mulalah menangis tersedak-sedak. I dreamt about si Tua tu kena cancer and dah nak mati. Of course la, when you have that scenario in a dream, there is no such thing as cancer tahap 1,2,3. Bila dah jadi mimpi, mestilah orang yang kena cancer tu akan mati in tempoh 2,3 jam lagi macam tu (only if your dream lasted that long) So, adegan-adegan orang pergi regular check up or chemoteraphy tak kan ada lah...

So, si Tua kunun nya akan mati...and you know, sebagai seorang manusia yang penuh dengan sifat keselfishan...(bahasa ku) people like me will only sedar diri bila benda dah nak hilang depan mata...yang lama-lama ni tak nampak. In my dream, I keep telling si Tua tu how sorry I am to have let the work take control of me, betapa aku telah melupakan rumah tangga dengan bekerja sampai nak gila...nangis-punya nangis (all that long) sampai dia mati....

See...bila I pikir, adakah aku akan menangis sebagitu ropa kalau dia pergi dulu sebelum kiewww (janganlah lah kau bersedeyyy hatiii) padahal, selang dua hari kami akan bergaduh sampai sumpah menyumpah dan seperti biasa, mulutku yang mungil ini akan cakap...mampos lah kau!!! Hah!!! Mampos betul-betul ni...

So, in the morning I telephoned si Tua tu, bagitau lah apa I mimpi malam tadi, how I was so sad and asked repeatedly if this (our relationship) is a mistake. Tua tanya,what brought this on? I pun cakap...is it worth it? You hardly see me, and when you do, we fought.I am at work most of the time, I'm never there...and I'm leaving again for a month in Sept to be with my family...it is so not fair.You should be with someone that is committed, and look at me...in no hurry to leave work to be with you. (Repentant sungguh masa ni...) See, dalam pada selfish-selfish, I ni ada jugak hati and perasaan....

My life is so full of fears. Fears of leaving things till it is too late.Bila I bangun pagi and tetiba rasa sedih (I'm ruling out PMT here tawww) first thing I'll ask myself, apsal lak ni...nak terima berita tak baik ke? I hardly sembahyang but I know, I seek god in my silent prayers all the time. My father is ill...my family is far. I am not packing up to go home for good to be nearer to them, I already have a life here...my own life.Everyday I am conscious that I'm hurting my father's feeling.I don't call home to speak to him or my mother for that matter.Not because I don't care...because I can't cope being very sad.

There was a time when the emotion get the better of me, I nak balik kampung. But I made commitment dengan si Tua tu. Yes, we can be difficult, we argue, we trade insult, we called each other names...

I cakap dengan si Tua tu on the phone, you cannot die now. I know I'm horrible and I'm not going to change in a hurry but I love you...you are very important to me.I can't bear not being able to see you again. Is that bad?

Si Tua menjawab dengan cool nya (and I always ended feeling so bad) I know Darling...go back to work...and I'll see you later. Don't worry too much.

Macam tu lah I...kesedaran siviks adalah dalam 2,3 hari....tengoklah besok. Mesti berperang balik.

Taaa...

To All Dentist Out There....

I think in my previous,previous post...I mentioned about my love/hate relationship with my Dentist. Dentist loves me (ye la..aku ni tak qualify dah nak jadi NHS patient) and I never remember liking Dentist anyway...kejam sungguh, especially when mereka-mereka tu dapat peluang menggerudi gigi you.Pulak tu, ada nafsu nak buat komen-komen puaka...Dentist hey? Who gave them liberty to pass comment like that????

However, 2 hari lepas...I terpaksa senyum dalam tangisan buat appointment nak jumpa Dentist puaka tebing biru tu...one of my filling boleh ghaib and left quite a distinctive hole. Bila dah berlubang, sakit lah kan? And bila dah sakit tu, dah takde makna nak negotiate-negotiate bagai...maka kuserahkan mulutku yang mungil ini untuk dirobek kan oleh Dentist puaka ittew...

Alangkah terperanjat beruk nya bila receptionist Dental Surgery tu bagi I bill. Nak tahu how much....? Cehh..mulalah lah nak berlagak kan...macamlah gaji I 30 ribu sebulan....flippin' £210.00 you all.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Rasa nak aku gigit aje receptionist tu dengan gigi ku yang baru ditampal ni...

Almost 24 hours jugaklah aku mengomplen...mind you, £210 can take me as far as Switzerland and back, siap hotel siap makan lagi...although, not as lucky as some people yang kerjanya balik kampung bergaloks..pastu bongkak lak tu...mentang2 lah naik kapalterbang free...siapalah orang tu ye?

In the end, I terpaksalah kan menerima hakikat yang duit ku dah terbang masuk pocket Dentist puaka tu.Geram sungguh!!! Lagi menggeramkan hati, Dentist tu boleh pulak buat parting speech dengan I, see you in 6 months time (blah lah lu!!!) and made suggestion that I jumpa ortodontist (ye ke spelling ni Kiah?) because katanya gigi I macam kepala I jugak lah tak centre nya. So, she recommend cosmetic work, cabut tu,cabut ni, bagi balance atas bawah and ni semua menjanjikan gigi yang sihat dan jelita (not forgetting pocket yang sungguh menderita)

None of my siblings is qualified Dentist, I may have a school friend yang I tak geng dedolu and dah jadik Dentist kat Kuantan Hospital. Apa pulak kata makcik tu kan, dah le bertahun tak tanya khabar berita, tahu-tahu nak menjejak kasih pasal nak dapat free treatment...podah la!!!

Then I teringat, I ada scandal dengan tah sapa Dentist bini orang...yang dikala ini sungguh ku teringin nak ber networking dengan mu.However, I am very mindful of the consequences of too close for comfort ni...especially when the job/treatment involves that person leaning frontal first keatas diriku yang vulnerable atas kerusi yang di adjust rapi oleh sang Dentist ni...

Let's imagine this....

'Ahh..cepat...naik atas kerusi' ----Dentist proceed to leg pressing some pedestal, indirectly suggesting...dekatlah padaku....

Of course after that chair-adjusting session, you are placed in the most compromising situation...in the room, there is only the dental nurse (yang takut dekat Dentist) the Dentist and you. I was told that Dentist can also function alone, without the nurse.Wuih..lagi senanglah nak ambik kesempatan kan?

Dentist come closer...there will be awful lot of leaning....and rabun is one of many perfect excuses.You certainly can feel their body touching yours...

Because I am so pemalu...I'll close my eyes. See, we are at our most vulnerable bila kita didalam kegelapan...dalam pada mulut terbukak and mata tertutup tu, macam-macam boleh berlaku...I remember once, sambil Dentist sibuk menggali lubang dalam gigi I, I was feeling so disorientated sampai terkangkang-kangkang. Hamboiii.....

See, macam-macam boleh berlaku....Like...saliva swapping.

Okay....enough of Ortho-Erotica moment. The fact is, I need to do a massive oral reconstruction. My Dentist is charging me £1000 over and I'm desperate to get to know any Dentist out there that can do the job half price.

Marilah ber networking dengan ku......

Update

Because most of my favourite blogger mengambik cuti tanpa gaji and not updating their blog, so I thought, I should follow suit. Hari-hari I masuk, tengok orang2 ni update blog ke idak...haram. I can understand maybe one or two person, that had to mind their newborn babies in between sneaking out having a me time, bloghopping (or tengok porn dalam Internet...siapakah ittew? Adakah aku meng spekurama tak sudah menuduh wanita suci tengok pornography?)

I was insanely busy at work.Disamping stress-stress tak perlu (did I tell you that I had to attend this investigation meeting because one of my colleague accused me of being a racist?...uh,uh,uh...) I am also so behind with the paperwork...tapi Allah itu maha kaya, dalam pada I dah lambat sangat nak mengejar deadline and risk to incur the wrath of my Boss (yang aku hampir nak jatuh chenta pada suatu ketika dulu...ohh, chenta orang utan) my Boss tu boleh terjatuh dalam sessi-sessi gallopping nya and patah kaki...maka, dalam pada dia sakit kaki tak leh jalan tu, I took the opportunity to finished up my work sambil berdoa lambatlah kaki dia baik.

Well, I managed to finished my work on time and in between, I had few casualties. My new Line Manager decided to berambus, I had to sack this Liverpudlian girl (I was fighting with my conscience) and I must have upset few gagaks at work that made them lodge a complaint against me. Sakit jugak hati I...to have a gagak bangsat branded you a racist, padahal dia tu terang terangan so insecure about their own identity sungguhlah memualkan.

Let's start with having to terminate the contract of this young lady from Liverpool. Well, things is not working at work and my deputy was gravely annoyed with her.We arranged a counselling meeting and ghopa-ghopa nya si adik ni mengandung...and dalam dilema pulak whether nak simpan ke nak buang, pasalnya 2 weeks before that, dia baru dapat tahu yang boifren nya dah main kayu 3 belakang nya...laaahhhh!!!! So, adik ni decided to abort her baby...I'm sure the decision is not easy but she became the victim of her own hormonal imbalance. My Line Manager (MLM,the Italian woman) pressed me into terminating her.MLM cakap, oi Makji, you already dah banyak problem, you don't need another one...get rid of her.She is a snake.

I must say, I am a bad judge of character.In the past I always, have been making the bad decisions...and my head was not in the right place couple of weeks ago.I agreed with MLM to terminate her contract.It must be hard for her, had to get rid of her baby and now, getting the sack.It is hard for me not to get very personal but it is about time for me to learn...to detach business and personal.

MLM decided to leave. Towards the end of our working relationship together, I started to think that she is a bit meroyan and I was telling MB how, during our supervision session, MLM terus bukak Holy Bible nya, buat reference. I was very uncomfortable.I'm nothing against other religion but I really hate it when I am subjected to this very uncomfortable situation.But being 'suka duduk atas pagar' that I am, I diam saja.Cakap lah apa you nak cakap.MLM was very surprised when I told her that I am Muslim, she said that I don't look like one and don't sound like one.Whatever that means. Do I really have to act/talk Muslim? How to talk/act Muslim? In London, the moment you say that you're one, your faith will be automatically link to the 7/7 or 21/7 suicide bomber. You long to hear the kind of Muslim who keep their head down, always helping others, mengaji, sembahyang and not at all threatening.My parents are the kind, the Muslim I knew are the kind...

When MLM finally left, I told my Boss (Cik Puan Besar) what I really think of MLM. Berani sungguh!!! I think what it is with me is that I spent all this years working with mentally challenged people.People always say, you can't change people but you can change you.But I think, nobody needs to change here.You just have to try harder not be affected.People does have an effect on you, good or bad.If we keep on changing just to suit other, what is left for us to know who we really are? What am I? What am I like before all this? 20 years ago, I was this very shy, quiet girl who can't even stand up to herself. And now, I analysed every little thing and lost sight of my real self. I can't even remember my original self.

The Racism...this is new. I don't even know what to say. The sensitive me is wondering what went wrong but the reality is, however hard to swallow, although you always hope that life is wonderful, dalam pada yang baik-baik tu, ada jugak setan bertopengkan gagak.Gagak is very good at hitting you where it hurts.And gagak is the type of people who will use your weakness against you.What is ideal is to have a fight head on, using all strength. But if you have bad leg and your opponent sussed that out straight away and mulalah start menyepak kaki you...tak ke hati pun jadi sakit?

I only now realised that I have typed the entry this long and I forgotten what it was all about in the first place.

Apakah ni? Certainly not mid life crisis.