About Me

Sunday, July 20, 2008

The Toxic Ex Girlfriend

I don't know many men. Be it casual or romantic. I am very pemalu...although the like of Kiah would beg to differ, but this statement is so true.

Romantically, the was maybe 3 or 4. I love one of them to death (he is, at the time of this report is dead) one of them is hit and miss and another two is just a classic story of being in a rebound. Dua tiga menjak ni, I sungguh terkenang kat yang dah mati tu.Next week is his 40th and I'm so sorry that he don't live long enough to see it.

Of course bila orang dah mati, we want to remember only nice thing about them. I'm sure the late ex boyfriend (TL) got really plenty nice things to say about me because I am indeed the nice one. Chewwwwaaahhh!!! Oh, by the way, can I now refer him as TL? It is better that way. I really don't fancy him hounding me in my dream...eh, kenapa you panggil I siamang?

TL loves his friends...I will always come 2nd.At that time, I don't mind it very much kerna aku chenta padanya...but I'm sure no woman would want to be seconded that way.I was young and naive but I know in my heart, it is all for a good faith.You don't want to come between your man and his mates.Plus, of course lah, you're hoping to be crowned the most sporting and understanding girlfriend of the year.

I don't know why women think that it is important to be like by their man's mates. It is as if, you need to get their approval and secretly hoping that they will tell your boyfriend that 'ohh, kau sungguh bertuah mendapat awek sepertinya'. Do you really think that they care? Ptuihhh!!! Harammm jadah takdenya.

One of TL best friends, masa tu (ni jaman-jaman 1992 -1994) tengah asyik maksyuk berchenta jugak.She is of course better looking than me (ditambah lagi dengan si dia ni sungguhlah terasa dia lawa nak gila) and god is great kan, orang lawa ni, tak menjanjikan perangai yang lawa...I seriously think that at that time being lawa come with a package.When you're lawa, to make the perfect finish, you have got to be drama queen and extra mengada-ngada.And she is all that. She is a law student, and seperti biasa (speaking from experience) female law student selalu will make a demanding girlfriend.That's why I didn't passed.

One summer in 1993, TL and mates decided to pergi menempek tengok concert kat Glastonbury nun. Bunyi macam glamer...but not my cup of tea.I would prefer Hammersmith Apollo or Wembley, yang aku boleh duduk and pergi toilet.If you ask me, Glastonbury festival is only suitable for men...I doubt gay men will be bouncing up and down at the possibility of tengok that kind of concert.

TL told me that they will be going for couple of days (of course lah, TL mana nya pernah ajak I) and this gf of his mate, merengek-rengek nak ikut.Against his better judgement, the bf decided to let his gf tagged along.The group was therefore made up of 6 boys and one girl.

Of course when TL came back from his Glastonbury escapade, I got to listen to the story. I asked TL, how was that girl? Boleh pulak anak Datuk like her mahu diusung ke Glastonbury yang penuh lalang/semak/taik anjing tu. Did she really join in? It is not like her to slumming it like that isn't she? TL told me that she wasn't and she didn't.

TL told me that poor bf have to do this, do that for her. Bf was very considerate but there only so much moaning one man can take.TL said when she demanded the bf to find her a toilet that didn't stink, tu diaaahhhhh!!!! They broke up that summer, surrounded by Glastonbury muds with Wellington boots in sight everywhere.

You're probably thinking, kesian, apasal lah pakwe dia buat dia camtu.I can see where you're coming from but in the real world, si pompuan tu lah yang bersalah nya. She broke one of dating's golden ruless: she merged two tribes.

So now's the part where I tell you how can you wow your boyfriend's friends, right? Wrong. You can't.Be yourself and you can get them to like you.But you will never get to a point where they want you on their outing together - because you will alter the dynamic. The conversation's different, the jokes are different and most of all your boyfriend's different. Mate Mat Din and boyfriend Mat Din are two separate entities. It is not sad. It's sensible.

Every healthy relationship needs an escape pod and this doesn't mean pergi berpoya-poya tak hingat rumahtangga and slagging you off. It means scheduling time apart to exercise their musculinity and your femininity (slagging them off or discussing how good was your acrobatic session..heheh..is this what you all talk about, you married women?) and remind ourselves how different (or lost) they would be without you.You got to allow them their freedom and they will love you more. You gatecrash their party and your invitation is likely to be rescinded.Permanently.

For a while, I don't think TL's member-member kamceng even noticed me and TL pulak masa kitorang berdating, macam nak mengelak kengkawan dia jumpa I. I did suspect yang I am not good enough to be introduced to his mates but only later that it emerged that his friends has high regard for me (for being the tak banyak cekadak ke?)

For what it's worth, TL did love me....so much that he chose other woman to marry. Hikss...


Anonymous said...

den pun walaupun dah kawin masih jugak torkonang cinto lamo...my first boyfriend, my first love...he passed away on the 1st jan 08...sodih den maso dapek tau dio dah poie menemui Allah...so i do understand your feelings esah, walaupun banyak adengan menyakitkan hati waktu dengan dia org ni tapi almaklum le cinta pertama kan (lama pulak tu bercinta sakan) so banyak le jugak kenangannya...

take care esah

Hjh Esah Jolie said...

macam tu lah kan....cintoooooooooo!!!!

Bedah Itik said...

Nyah, first cut is the deepest. Gittewlah perasaan skarang ni uol. Malam tadi tengah dok buat kerja tetiba teringat laki lama. Ops. And the funny thing was I didn't remember the first love. It didn't excite me so much. I thought I love him gittew tapi tak rindu. Whoopps

Anyways, masa dulu dulu berchenta, I tried not to make him felt irritated masa kami hang out together with his colleagues. A drink or two. Watching soccer dalam pub. And mak just there, tengok tv and smiling. Sometimes cheering kalau goal masuk walaupun kat team fav laki.

Kelas tak?

But that was history.
Now I'm living on my own. With an insanely boring life in my hand, and lipas kat dapur.

I think jadi toxic exgirlfriend could be fun instead kan Esah?

Manal said...

But then, having a boyfriend who has no friends at all is also a major suspicion esp if he's gonna cling to u like crazy or that he is a bit self-absorbed and weird, or macam2 lagi la masalahnya. I am ok with some pro-introvert fella or shy but not those yang tersisih.

ANYWAY, i think personally that a woman also shud not isolate herself or distant herself from her mates when she's in her relationship. The consequences pon buruk gak. So kena la balanced, bopren/hubby ade mates to hang out, kita ladies pon ada, tak kira kawan satu aerobic class ke, kawan masak2 ke, kawan bowling etc. Jgn la masa dah nak bercerai or masa bopren buat hal baru nak carik kawan kan? masa tgh berbunga2 and everything rosy takde lak nak tanya kabar kawan tu ok ke tak and all.

There will be times when bopren/hubby will meet our frens and other times, we meet his. Or those occassions where we invite all of them around esp masa raya ke kan. That will be one of those moments we observe his akhlak with his mates and he towards us and our mates. Ye la kan, some people dgn pakwe dia demure sungguh but dgn kawan2 dia melalak bagai.

And it's also good to check who are your partner's connections esp the opposite sex. Macam I alhamdulillah, so far those fellas yang close to me, i have no problem with their wives/gf coz we make it ever so crystal transparent clarity there's no hidden agenda between us even though some of them mmg penah ade feelings for me. I lagi lega kawan dgn diorg bila their wives know who I am rather than meeting some laki orang yang tak suka nak kenalkan bini dia. Kalau tak, terpaksa la i jumpa kawan2 laki i masa public event dgn bini masing2 or we act civil towards each other not wanting to hurt their wives feelings kan. Ye la, mesti hangin depa tgk laki depa bergelak sakan dgn I yang sexay and charming ini....And I dont want that to happen. Excuse moi, haku tak bernapsu dgn laki ko ok I wud say dalam hati....but will tell them off straight to their face kalau depa cari gaduh laa (naudzu billah!)

Anonymous said...

hmmm ramai gak pompuan cam i yek...can't get over our "true love".....dah baca cam2 articles "how to get over him", yet you can't deny the feelings (the brain tells u different thing but ur feelings tell the other)....and last nite i even dreamt about him, again!! I doubt he ever dreams about me....he's married with 2 kids already!!!

i almost cry ler baca ur blog this time, for i ngah emo and hormone x betul kaedahnya...apa2 pun life goes on and i have to learn to love the one i'm with (ambik Emily Giffin's tajuk jap....)


Hjh Esah Jolie said...

Oh Bedah Iitk...it is about time, you ngorat dgn lipas kak dapur itteww...ado gak makno eh. Hahaha,yes being the toxic one can be fun.

Hamboii Manal....siapa bini org yang terasa nervous/insecure bersosialan dgn mu ittew? I so identify with that part..depan pakwe demure sungguh, pahtu dgn kengkawan melalak..macam aku aje tu.

captlukman said...

hahahahaha sungguhlah kan, dgn 1st love ni masakan boleh lupa? Tidakkkkkkkkkk nehi he!!!.Mrasalah mak ok doh lerni, kalu dok mrasalah balik kl je, poyo2 nak sedih.

ermmm mak rasa pempuan gediks tuh mmg cari padah kot, Kalau aku dah lamo kono tinggal**ops**

Dina said...

Mokji...tell me, pompuan mana yg bleh lupakan chenta agung depa ?

Wlau ada pangai2 yg menyakitkan jantung, hempedu bagai...tu sumer tak brapa dikenang sgt. Yg manis2 je selalu tinggalkan kesan kt sanubari nih.

Anonymous said...


ese ni lain pulak kisah eh, my husband's x girlfren dok mai kacau laki i la pulak. merengek2 and sanggup mintak corai bagai kalau laki i ambik dio balik. anak dio with the current laki dah ramai.

mulo2 laki i terujo la esah. but then agak eh dio maseh sayang kek den ni dio tinggal kan sekali lagi minah ittew. (padan muko ko ya bedah...tak pasal2 kono tinggal 2x!

yg ese sakit ati tu kan, di kutuk eh i ni x cantik mcm dio la, x seputih dio lah.. efff effff botul!
ko kutuk aku ko ko kutuk yg mencipta rupa aku gini?? baik ko pikir balik. owh btw budak perasan cantik gilos ni sekolah pun tak abis. tu la yg bodoh amek tu. tu jo esah ese nak meluah raso x pueh ati kek kau.