About Me

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Birthday Wish...

Hello you all....

Today is TL's 40th birthday...those who follows my catatan-catatan mengarut ni will now know that TL is the ex boyfriend who died earlier this year.

I must confess that I am not that Muslimah berhemah will baca yasin or organise a kenduri arwah for him to commemorate his grand birthday.I was thinking about him since last night, while segala jantan yang I tau at this age will start questioning their sanity (as in...perlukah aku buat evaluation kat diri sendiri, masih bergetah ke etc...alaaa..that kind of evaluation) TL is somewhere up there (or roaming in my house tengok apakah I buat this time..yes Encik, saya tengah buat posting) having a better life.

My evil mind ada jugak terpikir, had he chosen to marry me and I am now a 35 years widow and takde anak (I don't know why, but I always suspect that I am mandul) But you know what? Good on him...satu keputusan yang betul. I don't know what women would rather be...janda or balu.

One of my school friend, ceh..minah ni kahwin muda...after SPM githooo.....but her laki died in a motor accident.She was devastated...and never want to remarry.When I saw her last, we talked about her decision...oh, I shouldn't say 'decision'. Minah belum terbuka hati nak mencari pengganti.From what she said, I gather that she is still in the state of shock...although her husband dah 'pergi dulu sebelum ku' almost 16 or 17 years ago. She was pregnant with her daughter when accident happened and laki never got to see his own flesh and blood. Again...having untimely detached from your love ones is a loss difficult to bear.Hati masih chenta...nak mencari pengganti rasa macam main kayu 2,3 pulak.Ni lah masalahnya.I think she just can't cope with guilt having to betray her abang sayang...and pulak lagi, letting another man membela anak abang sayang tu.So, kahwin lagi or mencari pengganti is always the last option (or none..by the look of it) Furthermore, I think orang kampung is not very forgiving if pompuan mati laki kawin lagi....tapi kan, kalau duda mati bini, lajuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu aje agency mencari jodoh pasang kompang kan?

Union that ended in divorced equals to 2 manusia yang menyampah antara satu sama lain.Not only that si pompuan kena cerai (in most cases kan?) having to live with the angry thought of your marriage (shall we say, investment?) not working out...si jantan tu masih ada atas muka bumi ni and within second, will jump at the first opportunity to menayang bini baru kat muka you.Mana yang kedekut will have to live with the fact that habis segala lembu kobau yang tumbang, mata berkilat-kilat sebab buat bunga telur and habis duit ribu-ribu...and kesudah eh? Kono coghai yo.....hish..rasa nak mintak balik duit yang dah kena belanja tu kan?

As I remember TL very fondly....he is the type of person who live in the present.He never talk about growing old...he never plan what to do when he is at this age, that age.I don't think he even plan his proposal to me...is purely driven by the anxiety that we are about to be separated.His only words was 'let me go home (Malaysia) and get ready'. Knowing him that well, I know exactly what was his intention.Very straightforward. To be honest here, I don't think I can ever cope with people who life planning nya mengalahkan kertas kerja Rancangan Malaysia Ke 5, with okay...kita beli rumah bila kita macam ni...kita beranak sekian-sekian...I am going to do this and that in 5 or 10 years....

Yes, because of all the nicest thing he ever was, I want to remember his birthday...and I will upload his favourite song (yang kunun nya ditujukan untuk aku ni) in my imeem list for a week, for me to have a good cry....

Happy 40th Birthday, awak....kesian awak dah mati.

Wasalam.

4 comments:

Manal said...

U r right on balu kalau nak kawen lagi ala2 dah half lost her respect from her kampong families yet a duda yang mati bini, sah2 kena pujuk hari2 mintak kawen dgn anak dara la ape laa...Weird isnt it?

But then, if ur mate decided not to remarry, it is said that she will meet her hubby again in the afterlife as it was only cerai mati not cerai hidup. But if she had a change of heart sbb jumpak some fella who beriya-iya nak kawen dgn dia and dia lak berbunga2 gitewww so unfortunately her tie with the dead one will be lost just like cerai hidup save for their daughter who will always be their daughter sampai bila2.

On TL, I reckon one of his materialized plans was to marry his ex-wife. The rest he was prolly still wishing he had had a life with u reading from your previous posts on him, the regrets and so on.

U know what makji, I am beginning to be less and less than excited of really, totally fall in love again but maybe this feelings will grow bit by bit over the years mungkin lpas 6-7 years or so into my future married life. Have I been developing an iceberg in my heart?

Anonymous said...

uwaaaaaa...lagu sudirman dgn lagu kathy ibrahim tu sangatlah menyedihkan hatiku ini!! teringat jaman2 putus cinta dulu...makji, maybe ada hikmahnya TL mati dulu (apo hikmahnyo tu tak do lah den tau)..eh makji, hari tu kan i termimpi kan boyren pertama i yg baru meninggal tu, dlm mimpi tu kita org punya le mesera gila dan had a heart to heart talk pasal kenapa kita org 'berpisah' dulu...ish apokah makno eh tu makji oii? den tanyo ni macam lah ekau tu pontafsir mimpi pulak yo...

take care makji
yatie

Anonymous said...

mak aji, actually this is a sad entry. Kesian si TL tu, apo sakit eh?

Actually, kalau you janda atau balu, orang pompuan akan pandang you serong, takut ambik laki eh. Kok yang jantan pulak, asal ada aje janda muda kat kampung, mulalah nak pasang niat berbini lagi. Ini my observationlah. Atleast kalau you balu, orang kesian, kalau you janda, something must be wrong with you!

captainlukman said...

no wonder lah lagu tetibe sedih je....takpalah makji, atleast u remember all his kindess. Tu yg baik kan...........