Entry Tak Perlu

My cousin called me today. I have to admit that I am not very close to my relatives. Baik yang kat Perak or other states in Malaysia. I don't remember them being nice...infact more than often, I remember them saying something that is quite nasty about me. When I was little, apparently I was this sombong girl. Okaylah...memang pun. If you want to count 'tak cakap banyak and amat pemalu' as sombong...maybe they're right. When I was in secondary school age up to pre University, again, I am sombong as well...kononnya berlagak tak hormat saudara mara. I'm sure they made that kind of judgement based on how many family weddings that I deliberately missed. Suka hati kau lah. The cousin who called me today once mengadu kat my brother that she will never want to come to my wedding, because I am so sombong. I'm glad she said that...because she will be waiting in vain. When I was (and still) living overseas, they thought I am keeping some sort of shoddy secret that will potentially menconteng arang kemuka makbapak ku. I only knew about this couple of years ago, because my father told me. I was so hurt...not because of the slanders they can think of but the fact that they think it's okay to worry my parents like that, with that kind of story.

After that, the thought of membuang yang keruh and ambil yang jernih terus pupus dari perasaan ku, as they (my relatives) somehow have managed to re-contaminated the air yang telah jernih.

Last year raya, after my mother's heavy persuassion, I gagahkan diri pi beraya kat rumah my auntie yang hanya sepelaung dari rumah my parents. Had they not caught my glimpse at the kubur earlier that day, maka my trip home would have been succeed in obtaining the exclusivity to family and friends only. And from there, lah I started talking to my cousin, after many,many years. I don't know why when people meet me, they feel the need to big up themselves, as if aku kesah betul kau kerja apa, kau holiday kat mana...siapa extended sedara mara kau. And I really hate it when people asked me...(ni selalunya soklan yang ditanya depan-depan orang, with ulterior motive lah ni) how's the weather in London? Eh? Ko apasal? London is so famous with the four seasons...lagi mau tanya ke? What is it with you and the London weather? And after that, soklan-soklan macam nilah yang mengundang segala attention yang tak perlu...like habis segala manusia will look at me in awe...like...ohhh, kau duduk London..best nya...best nya.

Sometimes question like this really placed me in an awkward position, especially bila aku pi kenduri kat Kampung yang majority penduduknya hanya lepas pergi ke KL aje. Habis2 oversea pun Mekah, tu pun after bertahun-tahun menoreh getah. For this, I hated my cousins...ye lah, they all ni selalu holidaying seberang laut. Tak ke dia pikir betapa depress nya nanti orang2 yang tak mampu ni dengar?

Eh..terlajak dah cerita ni. My cousin actually call to tell me that dia dengan laki dia nak gi Umrah. I know she is referring to her new laki, ye lah..last week my sister yang CNN tu cerita yang my cousin si newly makjan dah kahwin baru. So ni kira honeymoon lah ni.

I have no objection to people's choices of honeymooning destination. Although, if I may say...kalau yang buat cerita nak kawin kat Mekah lah..nak pi Mekah after kahwin lah...seems like menunjuk-nunjuk aja. Selalunya kita akan dengar orang bercit-cita nak mati kat Mekah. But tu, sukati you all lah kan? The obvious thing people will think of the newlywed couple is that masa nilah nak mengongkek siang malam pun. Boleh ke nak berasmaradana ka Mekah nun? I'm not saying that it is forbidden but psychologically, tempat suci..tanah suci...sure kalau I, nak french kiss pun segan.Apatah lagi la yang lenlain tu....hehehhee.

So she called to ask...(because I dah pernah buat umrah) me to share my experience. Heran pulak I, hal ni pi tanya I pulak...apasal tak tanya makbapak dia yang dah buat haji 2,3 kali tu? I'm in two mind actually to tell her my experience, because I know this will end up sampai ke telinga my parents juga. Knowing her...my experience will be misconstrued and tah hapa-hapa lagi lah.

I was thinking, if I tell her what had happened to me while in Mekah, sure dia akan kata I sesat barat prokprekprokprek.The truth is, I think I was given the message from the above not to hope things will be better, but to work for it to be better. The process of me knowing myself, learning what I want is long and ticking.I think ni lah yang orang selalu lupa. They think that when you pray, you will get what you want...immediately. The truth is we will never know. I believe Allah will acknowledge...and we should try harder. So kenkadang bila I baca komen2 nyamuk pasal lifestyles orang yang kununnya sungguh berdosa etc,etc...I wonder, orang yang hollier than thou ni, terjamin ke nasib dengan Allah. Entah2 tuhan pun tak suka you maki-maki orang camtu and habis pahala you. Kan?Kan?Kan?

So I told her....good for you lah. I don't know what to say...my umrah was more than 13 years now, so I'm sure banyak yang dah berubah. I don't think you should harap apa-apa, but spend your time beribadat aje.

Ermmm....nanti aku doakan kau cepat kawin ye? Makbapak kau risau kau tak kawin-kawin lagi...


Ohh....ini sangatlah tak perlu!!!!!!