Update

Kejap ye...bagi chance Makji balik rumah dulu. Budak cinonet ni dah ngantuk...punyalah lasak, koyak rabak baju Makji di tariknya. Suka benau budak ni Mak dia membukak aurat ditengah-tengah jalan....
Hello you all...... okay, anak pun dah tido, Abg Pitt pun Makji dah layan....

Pening jugak kepala Makji tau...memikir-mikir apa yang patut Makji tulis...sambil tu sempat lah jugak Makji buat-buat pose pandang tempat lain sambil mengigit jari gittew...

Makji rasa terharu sebab you all sudi juga masuk blog Makji yang ala-ala Malaysia Today lagi tak bermoral ini.... tapi, Makji ingin mengambik kesempatan untuk mengucapkan terima kasih tak terhingga kerana menyapport Makji, dari mula Makji bukak blog, sampailah Makji dah beranak 6. Insya allah, kalau laptop Makji dah pulih dari relapse schidzophrenia Type 2, Makji akan update lagi dengan penuh sensasi..sesensasi tattoo-tattoo Makji.

(Hjh Esah Jolie, berposing...ohh..tak kuasa ku memikirkan apalah si Brad Pitt tu nak makan malam ni)

Okay, reality check...., to all my friends, Happy New Year.

Ampuan Tuanku, Beribu-Ribu Ampun.....

Forgive me my friend, had I offended you and your family in my earlier post, nevertheless I will keep on writing when and what I see fit. Ampun Tuankuu....(read: PODAHHH!!!)

But I must say, amidst your busy schedule (bukankah kita yang bersedagho dokek-dokek ni,akan sibuk membaca Quran yassin bagai bilo atuk mo uwan kito mati)you rather have time to read,gossips and facts to enrich your worldly knowledge.Tabik Tuanku.

Let's just put your mind at rest. Yes, I am very sorry for your loss and No, this is not a good time dish out dirts.But let's just established the motive here. I am only a writer, Dear Tunku. I don't write books because my grammar tunggang langgang and my day job does not permit me any free time even to poop.Let alone to brush my writing skills.I only have a blog, that I specifically sets up to unload my container.By container I mean, my shite-of-a-thoughts, Sir, those that I collected and amassed from my work as a Social Worker.Unlike you and your family, I don't inherit wealth.Although my father last post in the Army was the high rank that automatically made him a Dato', we the children remain tak cukup makan and we can only dream to celebrate NY at Las Vegas.Plus my father will always remind us on how poor he was back in Kuale Kangsor and that he had to walk miles and miles to school with just a pair of shoes.With that every inch of details of his hardship enough to put a child off, of asking money.

I understand that you're grieving, now that you Ruler grandpapa or whoever he is to you died, more so now that Tunku Muhriz is sitting on the throne instead of your Uncle Bill or Pete, for that matter.However, bereavement is no longer an excuse to bad language, especially in my small time comment box, Sir.For that, Raja or tak Raja, I serve the right to tell you off.Cilako!!!!

For being insensitive to you and your family feelings in this deeply terrible time, I am sorry.For quoting that Tuanku Jaafar is 'anak koling'...hmmm, I would rather you take that up with my Uwan, who passed away 22 years ago.She is now resting is Gombak and I am sure if you type the post code in your Sat Nav, you will find that cemetary.That poor Nurin Jazlin was buried at the same place.However, you might want to know that although people in Tanah Malaya like to call this lot 'Serani', they are indeed descended from Anglo Indian. Indian is always Indian by race by we the United State Of Nine (yakni, Negeri Sembilan) casually address them as 'Koling'.Is that racist? If is, how is it racist? Deragatory term yes, racist No. Racist is something like...'You fucking Black Bastard...'. Come on...having gone to the school like Alice Smith and all those UK boarding school, can you not specify what is racist what is not?

I detest people who come to other people blogs and started using inappropriate language.While I think we all should be more open minded to such comments, ye lah kan..tak kan lah saya ni sorang aje yang betul...there's a way to express opinion.Threatening is not one of them.We can say whatever we want within reasons. Unlike your relative, Jaime who caused altercation at Shangrila's Night Club...hah!! Padan muko kena tumbuk.Pocah hidung.Guess what, the Mummy Tunku Dara yang dah tak dara tu..(anak dah hompek..apo Dagho eh tu) sending threats pulak, requesting millions.Ceh, buek malu yo...

Okaylah..I shall leave you alone now.But please, if you are offended with what I published, may you not use inappropriate language in here nor should you insult my family.That is so not on.That is why, I did not published your stupid comment.

I too, refused to take things lying down, Dear Tunku. Watch this space.I will write more and more about you and your family.It is fun.

Again...I like to sing the TKC's favourite song again...'Berkatlah Yang Dipertuan Besar, di Negeri Sembilannnnnnn'.

Cak pong..cak pong!!!

Yamtuan Mangkat....Yamtuan Menanam....Mari Menanam Yamtuan.

Kurang ajar kan I, buat entry yang macam ni....

Selain dari menotap kek Paroi Jaya, apa lagi connection diriku dengan N9. Takdo...memang takdo. I wasn't even born in N9.

Through my mobile, I have a quicke peep at my blog page...nampak lah message kocik cakap, pasal sedara mangkat-mangkat ni.I dok pikir, siapa lagi la yang dah mangkat ni.Because I was up relatively early and sebagai anak yang solehah, I thought of calling my omak just to say hi.Dalam pada line yang tak clear, my omak said 'Yamtuan dah mangkat'.I asked..mano omak tahu? Omak said, her ex colleague who works in the 'sepita' told her. Did I told you my omak used to work in the 'sepita' before she pencen last year? Meh sini nak cakap kek Omak and her frens...lain kali hal sepita, tingga kek sepita lah Omak..sepita tu takdo confidentiality protocol ko? I ni nak bagitahu bukan apa..my 2nd workplace is a sepita gak...so,apo-apo yang tejadi kek sepita, takleh poei ceghito mo oghang do, omak oi... (tapi kalau nak tulih masuk blog buleh agak eh..)

Because my omak, my apak and majority of my relatives is in N9, I took pride in becoming the Negerian myself. I speaks the dialects fluently...I can even muster a little bit of minangkabau..alah teh, alah teh,alah teh!!! N9 got so many 'pesen' of dialects. The 'Kolopelah' (mistakenly obscene kan Ood?) The Chombong,Chongkau & Bongek also got different style of talking.Funnily enough, with my clan, I don't sopeak N9, I sopeak BM pokan.In my household, nobody sopeak kampung dialect.We speak English (ceh..tu dia berlagak!!!) or we speak bahaso pokan. My father came from Kuale Kangsor...and like any other orang Perak yang tak sedar diri that they all tu makan deghoyan, Father always insists skeaping London through and through...thank you very much to his MCKK and Sandhurst day. Once upon a time when I was little and parents decided that we have had enough of changing school, we moved to Garrison Camp in Podeksen.After that, my Omak never leave N9, after Podeksen, she moved to Seghomban and has been in Seghomban since.I never went back, apart from a short biskut chipsmore trip.

Here it is....my hearftfelt condolences to Tuanku Jaafar and family. He is quite old but my Omak said, he is not a frail man.Badan eh togap laie.But it is obvious that it is the heart that finally go on...and give away.He is quite a good looking man himself.

Sebagai anak tak jati N9 yang sungguh kaya dengan sumber-sumber gossip asli, I found out that he is not well liked by the Undangs.Not only that, the gossip monger told me that his children are notoriously greedy.This is a tell tale people in Paroi have heard since lamo-lamo dulu.One of my friend used to work for Antah in Bukit Damansara. Everybody including lombu kambing kek Josseh tu know that Antah belongs to the Pilah's.They are filthy rich.

Every year, for a fact, the childrens, grandchildrens will do their yearly pilgrimage NY party overseas.Nobody is suprised when the other 4 is abroad. Kesian nya....

What people do with their lives is their choice. I am sure the Pilahs is like any of us, will do what other people do...kalau berduit kita enjoy lah kan.Tapi kita ni tak berduit, so kito ontok-ontok lah duduk umah kito kek Bayswater tu.Nobody likes comiserations...nak-nak bila tengah bergumbira. Many,many years ago, on Boxing day, me and my cousins went to the Ikhlas Sheila Majid concert.Really tak sodar diri...after the concert we went clubbing kek II LA and balik reban only at 8am, after makan ruti canai kek Doraisamy tu. We sambung tidur and later in the noon, was woken up by my other cousin, my Uwan passed away. Now that I think about it, it is the same day as the Yamtuan's passing day. I really feel berdoso...as I was 'menyetan' the day before. Bak kata orang, jangan terlampau bersuko...kok nanti berair mato.Yo boto den berair mato. I lap yu, Uwan....

My Uwan told us that (tatau lah kalau dia ada grudges against him) Tuanku Jaafar is not the intended heir.With the racist remark, mu Uwan said 'dio tu anak koling'. Apparently the reason is so political and Tuanku Munawir's son is not selected.My Uwan's information is similar to what I read kat Malaysiakini. But if you read the sejarahs book, Yamtuans is not as as powerful as he wanted to be.Yamtuans is like the Agongs, they're selected to sit and look pretty.The men behind the scene is the Undangs and the Undang is the hardcore adat perpatih follower that would rather let their anak mati before their adat...(drama sungguh)

Tunku Mukhriz's father (Tunku Jaafar's brother) is the anak gahara...but he remain the only 'undiluted' son of Tuanku Abdul Rahman. While Tuanku Jaafar's clan enjoy the perks of being on the throne, Tunku Mukhriz become the object of my Uwan's pity.

Because my internet connection macam cilako...I cannot update my blog or baco sokabar.But I read somewhere that before the Yamtuan Menanam...they need to choose the new Yamtuan and they are going to select between the 4. I am not sure if Tunku Mukhriz is one of the 4. Let's just hope he is.

Sekian, saya sudahi posting ini dengan lagu feverett budak TKC

'...Berkat lah yang DiPertuan Besar..di Negeri Sembilan.......'

Al-Fatihah.

Dress Safely

I must thank you all yang mengomen kat entry si Lelawati tu...punyalah ramai. Ni lah satu nya I berbangga jadik kaum wanita ni...kalau ada sesama kita yang teraniaya, ramai betul yang akan terangkat dari pilot seat masing-masing.

Obviously, I tak bagitau kat Lelawati cadangan-cadangan kalian...bakar rumah lah, bawak lari anak lah..bobbit la..You Tube la... I am sure if I am Lelawati, segala cadangan akan diambil kira dan dilaksana, depending mana yang paling sadis sekali.

But although Lelawati tak berkesampaian nak mendengar cadangan-cadangan you all, the person that she is (or has become) will only response with a smile or lelehan air mata.Ni lah kata orang, bila hati dah hancur, nak buat apa-apa pun dah tak sanggup, melainkan membuang memory bersama tu jauh-jauh (oii..nasib baik betul lah kau si laki Lelawati...kalau dapat kat aku...or Kiah, harus hancur dirogol bergilir-gilir)

Last week, I pergi cantas rambut I...cantas sependek-pendek nya (habislah reputasiku sebagai pompuan melayu terakhir) I got a day off (and demam macam nak mampus) and I balik London sekejap and on the way balik rumah, kedai gunting rambut yang I suka tu (the only reason I suka tempat ni islah pasal si hairdresser nya tak banyak mulut...I rimas tau orang suka borak-borak sambil pegang gunting ni...pastu, macam dia ajelah yang pandai gunting rambut) bukak and macam tak ramai orang. I singgah masuk and ask if she is busy...Makcik tu kata she got 1/2 hour free and tanya I nak buat apa dengan rambut I? I told her that as I tengah demam, I can really do with a haircut. Laugh all you want but masa I kecik, kalau I demam panas, my mother potong je rambut I, terus demam I baik. Apo makno eh tu?

2 days before that, I tengoklah program Girls Aloud dalam TV and macam berkenan pulak dengan rambut Sarah Harding tu...tapi kat tempat kerja I kang nak berlawa-lawa pulak kang, habis pulak aku attract segala sexual offender or sex maniac.Kami pompuan-pompuan kat Dept ni, nak pakai skirt pun takut, apatah lagi T-shirt ala-ala plunging neck line.Majority pompuan omputih ni (Kiah..now you can share this with MG) tet*k semua ala-ala tet*k tikus, unless setelah diubah suai, so takde sapa nya yang akan oogle flat chest depa tu...harapkan kembang dek padded bra aje (huishhh..mulutku) ----> See, dah terbabas cakap pasal breast pulak. Kang nanti orang ingat I budak TKC.

So, bila I duduk kat kerusi hairdresser tu, I pun cakap lah, I gunting rambut ala-lala Girls Aloud (tak nak kalah kan?) So, makcik ni menurut perintah. One thing I like about her is that, she give good suggestions. Seriously, I kalau nak gunting rambut kena hangkut sekali consultant tak berbayar tu (MB) maka MB lah yang akan bagi tau hairdresser tu apa pesen yang dia rasa seswai untuk I (dan paling tak seswai dimata bapak ku) And MB usually will take liberty to mengutuk my sense of hairstyling dengan pondan-pondan mulut tak insurance haidresser tu (mahap ye..hairdresser pepondan yang lain) Hey you all, just because muka kau macam Gok Wan, doesn't mean that kau punya style tu seswai...masa mulut they all sesedap rasa ngutuk I tu, I just wish that they all will tersadung kaki and tertikam dengan gunting-gunting kat yang kat pinggang they all itu.Berangan gunting tu macam pistol pulak.

After 1/2 hour and £20 poorer (kira murs la h tu North London punya price) maka, here I am looking not exactly like Sarah Harding and without all the blonde highlights.Kalau lah tak ngenang mak bapak, harus ku kaler rambut ku tak sedar diri tapi..London is way too small for people to notice and menyebarkan dakyah rambut ku dah kuning, as if I am committing Lina Joy's act, padahal baru kaler rambut.Ciss kau orang Seremban!!!

The insecurity soon kicks in.Bila dah terasa muka dah persis pengkid mana...mulalah rasa akan kena homophobic attack.I started wearing a really skinny shirt to work that emphasised my rarely seen 34C.Earrings chokia pun dah ganti dengan pearl earrings (nasib baik tak macam Pat Butcher)

I attended my Dept Xmas dinner, dalam invitation kata smart/black tie and tup-tup, I turned up with sleeveless top, above-knee length skirt with a long skinny boots....with Make Up courtesy of MB yang telah memekapkan I cam pompuan Sungai Rejang mana tah.

Guess what I have attracted? 3 different men (work colleague) stripping off their tuxedo showing their hairy bits. Kosser Makji tau!!!!

Kesimpulannya...nak lari dari kena homophobic attack or ejekan budak-budak Itam yang tak buleh langsung tengok pompuan rambut pendek (kununnya lah drama) tup-tup beratur jantan tunjuk konek kat I.

If only....those men are not for turning.Oh Kiah...nasib baik kau takde, kalau tak habis lah abang2 diorang tu kena violate dengan kau.

Sekian.

Update

Semenjak I kena transfer ke Dorset ni, rasa macam dah terasing sungguh dari dunia luar (or dalam dunia...)

To those yang menyambut birthday yang ke 36th, maka selamat hari jadi lah.Rasa berdosanya I tak belikan you apa-apa.I really am cut out from many things, friends and family.Tak pernah betul kerja sesibuk macam sekarang ni.Masa ni lah nak menangisi nasib sendiri..apasal lah Raja Nadzrin pi kahwin dengan Zara Davidson tu bukannya aku...apasal lah Tengku Mizan dulu tak nak tunggu I (ceh..macamlah kenal) or...apakah kurang nya diriku ini kalau nak dibandingkan dengan Kabita Kor tu? If was ever the right candidate to them eligible bachelor tu, takdelah rasanya hidupku akan seserabai ini...although berkahwin orang kaya takdelah nak menjanjikan bahagia...tapi rasanya, lebih baik duduk relax dalam istana sepanjang hari, habis-habis sibuk pun pergi sekolah budak2 cacat potong reben, or pergi teman kekanda suami kat majlis-majlis VVIP and the only hard work to do is to pretend to be very interested and pose-pose senyum kambing for all the Utusan's, Berita Harian's papparazzi....

This is already December. Since I started blogging, belum pernah lagi lah I mengamalkan konsep sawang walaupun pada hakikatnya takde langsung benda nak dicerita kat orang.Since takde orang rindu (ataupun ada yang rindu tapi tak nak cakap...cisss, sucker for compliment betul lah I) I pun takdelah nak meredah lautan api, men deprive kan diri dari tidur 5 jam sehari demi nak hupdate blog.In addition to my many problems, laptop I dah tak nak nyala...apa ke masalah nya I pun tak tau.My office kat Dorset ada satu PC aje so kalau nak berblog hop kang takut terkantoi..mind you, I sorang aje yang ber kaler ceklat dalam opis I ittew.Orang putih kampungan kat UK ni, selalunya tak berapa gemar ber boss kan orang luar.So sebelum I kena report menggunakan opis PC for personal use, I better wait until I balik London and masa ni lah pun boleh minjam laptop MB's.

Semenjak 3 minggu ni...I dah le takde access nak baca Utusan Malaysia...so tau-tau, macam-macam nya yang dah terjadi.

1. Nasir P Ramlee dah mati...kesian....muda-muda lagi dah kena sakit jantung.Not sure if it's genetically inherited, but kadang2 kalau makan tak jaga pun boleh kena juga.Macam I la..ikut hati hari-hari nak makan Nasi Briyani and all that lauk yang bertan-tan traces of minyak nya.Tapi mengenangkan hati masih ada nafsu nak berjalan ala-ala Elle McPherson, maka makan Indian takeaway every 2 weeks aje.Selebihnya..makanlah cold cuts and salads. (Tak jugak aku rajin terberak..apa ke hal nya?)

2. Tanah runtuh kat Ulu Kelang nunnn? The day before I flew to the UK the first time, Highland Tower dah runtuh..kesian si Carlos Musa Hitam tu..yang khabarnya putus kepala.Nasib baik quick thinking aruah bini nya maka dapatlah the only offspring selamat.Hearing people's perished in such disastrous events sungguhlah menyedihkan...tak cukup dengan itu ada pulak suara sumbang kata this is the act of god lah dek kerna berdosa nya orang Ulu Klang tu.Ye lah..natural disaster legitimately is one kind of the god's act...tapi tak semuanya yang termati tu kena hukum ditimpa tanah kan? Lay off people of Ulu Klang la...kesian.Just because their bukits is the vulnerable one.I have more sympathy to those who lost every single thing they owned...and to add to their injury, insurance company boleh sesuka ati pulak tak nak compensate.Kalau nak mintak payment laju saja.

3. Norman Hakim dah let go bini nya....ah, it is about time.Walaupun dengarnya sebak dijiwa...(masa kau berperangai puaka tu takdelah pulak nak pikir consequences nya kan?) Bila dah jadi cam ni, maka berduyun-duyun lah orang akan kesian.But having seen loads and loads of cases where...masa dah tergadah nilah laki baru nak menyesal, sometime, the good thing to do is to let go.First time is always you're fool to cheat on me but second is always...yes you're fool but more fool me for believing in you.

4. Tah sapa-sapa footballer dah kahwin lari dengan artis fofuler.I pun tak lah kenal sapa but journalists interviewed the parents yang clearly upset kononnya 'dibelakangkan'. Ceh Pakcik, Makcik....mana pakcik makcik suka..anak Pakcik/Makcik ditangkap basah satu Malaya tau or anak Pakcik/Makcik bawak anak orang kawin kat Siam? Both undesirable but the latter is more reasonable.Sama-sama bujang...apalah salahnya.Kalau makbapak tak kasi problem or tak excessively sticking in their oar, tak kan ada nya anak-anak nak kawin lari...so parents, sebelum nak menyalahkan anak-anak, bagilah peluang masing-masing tu membuat hal sendiri.Asalkan anak pakcik/makcik tak membunuh/merompak, setakat kawin lari..habis-habis pun orang Seremban akan bersoksek for sebulan dua, and by the time entah ada anak orang Bukit Chedang pulak yang buat hal, maka they will soon berhenti bersoksek hal anak you and start focussing on anak orang Bukit Chedang ittew...(ni anak siapalah pulak ni)

Okaylah...baik I berhenti cerita hal orang...meh sini I nak umpat diri sendiri lak.

You all tahulah kan dah dekat-dekat Xmas ni, segala manusia kena pi keluar shopping cari hadiah untuk family diorang.Semenjak dah berumah tak bertangga dengan orang putih ni, nak tak nak, kenalah I pun bersibuk-sibukan juak cari hadiah.

This is the most stressfull December for me by a mile.Bad enough I salah pandang expiry date visa I, maka semput jugak nyawa nak buat preparation to study for the 'Life In The UK'.Orang dah belajar berbulan..I boleh main-main and stress sendiri.Pulak tu, tuhan punya kuasa nasib baik ada seat kosong for the exam.Dalam hati, I pikir..kalau lah I fail...habislah segala-galanya.Alhamdulillah..I passed the test tapi tak taulah berapa marks nya.Lantaklah...jadi dah selesai.Bila nak submit borang LTR to pulak...macam-macam benda yang tak cukup.I was running up and down London - Dorset sampai MB marah I. Lagi I stress. Sudahannya, I hantar my form the day before it expire.Apa nak jadi..jadilah.

I panas hati dengan Boss kecik I.Boss I Cik Puan Besar tu, dalam sakit-sakit datang jumpa I..mintak I reconsider my decision...masa dia datang pujuk tu, dia kata, Makji...kalau you nak balik London..balik lah.But I tak nak you berhenti.Tak cukup dengan tu, CPB naik kan gaji I and suruh HQ bagi I bonus.So orang mata duitan macam I ni senang sangat nak tukar fikiran.Bak kata MB, give yourself until next year la...nanti cari kerja lain.You are just so lucky time-time recession ni, you dapat naik gaji.

So,last week lepas duit bonus tu dah masuk dalam bank, maka bershopping Xmas sakan lah I. I am so not good at shopping, so nak menyenangkan kerja plus orang putih ni senang aje, kalau you all dah takde idea nak bagi hadiah apa...hadiahkan jelah air-air kencing setan...happy lah they all.

So, off I went to Tesco Earl's Court (padahal that day dah sumpah demi Allah tak nak datang lagi branch ni) and I was hapily shopping botol-botol kicap tu.Macam-macam perisa ada...Votka, Kokneg, Peeno Grijio lah...Melibu, Cempen...

Masa I dok tunggu tube tu, I terjumpa sorang akak Malaysian Hi Com ni...she was with another akak Tudung...ikut hati nak lari tapi beg shopping berat.She tegur I..I pun senum-senyum silliew...and being a nosy woman that she is, she peek into my shopping bag...'Hamboi..awak hangat bershopping nampak'....and terdiam dia bila dia nampak bebotol kicap beraneka perisa tu.

I dengan selamba cakap la..a'ah..Xmas present kengkawan...hoping that the earth will swallow me.I swear the other akak gave me the satanic glance...

Sumpah tak nak pi lagi area tu.

p/s Aking...jgn lupa ber kolling-kolling tau.Harus kita redah Red area tu.

This Is Your Life....My Friend.

Lelawati...(nama sebenar tapi you all tak kan tau lah siapa sebenarnya dia ni sebab berlambak orang dalam dunia ni namanya Lelawati) adalah bekas rakan sepermainan saya. Like any other Garrison girls, we play every innocent games any girls our age would play...so Kiah, kalau kau ingat rakan sepermainan itu hanya bermain benda-benda yang mungkar...I think you must be mistaken us for bebudak TKC (yang suka bermain-main sesama sendiri ittew)

My relationship with Lelawati is a bit hit and miss. Lelawati a careerwoman with a career in her opis and a career in her another opis i.e. partnership with her husband. In her real opis, Lelawati is overseeing a big department with 15 staff and at her another opis, she and her husband has produced 3 kids and of course, overseeing them as well.

Lelawati hardly ever talk to people...and her hubby is one of them.Once in a while she would email me tanya khabar.

Couple of years ago when she was pregnant with her 2nd baby, she came across something that enough to make any other pregnant wife homicidal.Lelawati was away on a course and hubby was looking after their kids.Lelawati said that one night when she was away,she dreamt about her eldest son crying. So she came home a day early than expected.Balik rumah dekat nak tengah malam..and being the mummy that she is, of course lah sebelum mencari laki, misti nak check on anak dulu. Her anak was okay.

Then she check on their Bapak...suffice to say that their bolster is nowhere to be seen but have now been replaced with a human body and the Bapak is on top of her.

Lelawati never said anything to anyone...and after giving birth to her 3rd baby, she told me that she is leaving the husband. This is only recent.

Because she mintak cerai, the hubby pun apa la lagi..terus mengamuk and began his smearing campaign.Lelawati ada affair lah...dah tak sedar diri lah..lupa rumahtangga lah..tak kenang jasa lah.I don't know if this is typical but lumrah jantan, bila apa yang dikendong bakal berciciran...mulalah terjadinya adegan-adegan menghoyan.Tak cukup dengan menghoyan 24 jam...the husband telah mereport kat mak ayah mertua nya (parents Lelawati) hah kau, habis seisi keluarga Lelawati sekarang dok pakat memulau pinang kan Lelawati.

I am very honoured to be one of her trusted mate and she told me everything. Lelawati is concsious that she is about to lose everything...the kids..the harta sepencarian..and everything they owned together.Lelawati even told me that the Mahkamah Syariah even tell her off for wanting to mintak fasakh.

They ridiculed her reason....they said...dah takde perasaan kasih sayang is not enough to warrant a divorce.

I asked Lelawati....is it because of what you saw that you decided to end your marriage? Tidak katanya...memanglah masa nampak lakinya mengongkek pompuan lain dia rasa nak parang laki nya tu. Tapi..hati masih cinta katanya...biarpun terluka.

Lelawati said that their marriage grew stronger after the illicit affair, probably the husband rasa bersalah and terkena penyakit 'giljap' aka 'gila sekejap'...(penyakit yang menyerang lelaki yang dah berkahwin) or the husband realised that too much is at stake here dengan anak-anak, harta, family etc. So both really made the effort to make a go of the marriage.

Tapi pada suatu pagi yang hening 3,4 bulan yang lalu, Lelawati bangun tidur and terus rasa menyampah gila kat laki nya.She told her husband and packed her bag. Knowing her weakness, laki kata you takleh ambik anak...and to his surprise, Lelawati kata...okaylah.They're your children too but I will still be their mother.They'll find me.Ceh...laki dah takleh cakap apa dah.

Lelawati see her kids whenever they want to see her and she now live happily alone walaupun segala manusia dah memandang serong kat dia.Lelawati told me in one of her email...'I don't know why...the feeling is no longer there and I just had to leave'.

Lelawati still never told anyone about the adegan Chua Soi Lek lakinya tu....

2 days ago, Lelawati emailed me....'I could have wait until anak-anak besar and find my own way...am I too selfish?'

I replied. I told her what I think.

'You have stop loving him after that night. What it was is a transition period.You took your time and you follow your heart.Kadang2 orang lain berfikir masa hati tengah panas...never gave their heart the chance to sejuk and berfikir.Maybe, the only selfish bit in this is that you didn't involved him in the transition process...and he is not prepared.'

Am I doing the right thing?

I suppose...it is him that you don't love, not your children.Don't be scared. This is your life.

(But I still think you should tell the world what a nasty piece of work he was...pergi bawak pompuan lain masuk bilik when anak-anak tengah tidur...)

Kelab Jiwa Luka

Macam-macam perkara berlaku recently ni....

1.Can You Forgive And Forget?
Kadang-kadang boleh forgive tapi takleh forget.Ada pulak yang dah forget tapi takleh forgive...(ada ke macam ni?) Ye mmg ada...especially dalam kes hutang-hutang lapuk ni.I'm quite generous with my money...ni bukan kes generous yang asyik nak menderma aje tu.I am blessed with cepat kesian heart...plus I tak pandai menipu terang-terangan.If orang nak pinjam duit, I tak reti cakap I takde duit...duit takdelah banyak..tapi ada lah.I am not cut become 'Ah Long' either...selalunya bila I dah memberi tu, harapan dalam hati..macam mana ikhlas nya I memberi..macam tulah kena bertanggungjawabnya you bayar balik.I tak reti nak tuntut-tuntut, ugut potong tangan or sending over heavies.And sipenghutang selalunya...bila sipembagi hutang nya bangsa yang macam I ni..(menuntut gaya telepathy) mulalah akan diserang amnesia and worst bit, dissapear from the face of the earth.I saw a familar face recently and tup-tup, I teringat yang sipolan ni ada berhutang dengan I...dek kerna lapuknya hutang tu, I pun dah lupa and dengan muka-muka sipenghutang tu pun I dah ingat-ingat lupa.Tapi..hati tetap panas dan tak dapat nak memaafkan...so, itulah example nya forget but can't forgive.Sewel kan aku ni? One of this blog reader mengemukakan soklan..camana nak melupa dan memaafkan..I nak aje cakap, apasal la you tanya I soklan ni.Bukannya apa, I takdelah pandai nak bagi jawapan..pasalnya I ni pun set-set pendendam juga...kalau hati panas mau ku bakar rumah orang yang menyakitkan hati ku.But I ni, cakap aje besar...habis-habis pun takdelah nak commit arson attack...penant mengumpat sampai mulut keluar super busa aje lah. I think, best advice would be...to let go of past hurts and mend the broken relationship...tak kiranya lah relationship dengan orang ataupun dengan diri sendiri.Try not to get hung up on why.You can forgive someone without understanding why they hurt you.Demanding explanation can be pointless as they may not know the reason themselves.Maybe what you can say is that 'I don't know why you did that but I can accept that it happened and try to move on'. However, I can't be sure if this applies to kecurangan laki/bini/bf/gf. I for one cannot just move on from kena tipu just like that...or can you? It is not as simple as you kena tampar dengan pakwe/makwe masa tengah-tengah angin...you can passed that as the moment of temporary insanity, don't know what get into me stuff like that.Kalau kalau dah pandai and dalam keadaan sedar committing adultery or aksi-aksi lucah, what else can you blame it on apart from nafsu buaya mu ittew? Another thing you can do is to let go of the blame. Forgiveness is a contract between 2 people, sorang janji taknak buat lagi and sorang lagi janji tak nak ungkit.However, there will always be trigger points that remind you of that pain.Establish a way to discuss how you feel at those moments, without bringing up what happened.If you're upset, you may suspect someone of faking an apology...or kalau yang dah tertangkap tu, terus bersumpah demi Allah bagai...you know lah some people will just saying the words to get things back on track.We have to have clear mind..kalau nak maafkan, maafkan saja...takyah gi pikir sipolan ni sajaaa je cakap nak bagi I sejuk hati.Kalau dia menipu, what can you do? Try to accept their apology without suspicion, think of the crucial platform for further communication.Once they know you accept their regret in genuine, you can start to rebuild the relationship.The hard part of forgiving is feeling vulnerable to future betrayal,as there's no guarantee they won't hurt you again.Restoring trust is tough but vulnerability is the key to intimacy.Try to see it as a necessity towards mending the relationship.Kalau dok what if, what if aje, susahlah you nak get close again.

2. I got very angry 2days ago...the pressure of work dicampur pulak dengan perangai-perangai Boss-Boss besar yang macam puaka.As a foreigner...(or is it just me) kadang-kadang terasa jugak diri ni dipergunakan...mentang2 lah I ni tak pandai nak menjawab cakap Boss...tak kisah attitude...all Malaysia boleh thingy.So pada satu malam yang hening...selepas hati luka membaca email-email Boss yang akin to email majikan kepada hamba abdi...I sent out my resignation notice.Hari ni tadi...my assistant telephoned me, katanya CPB telepon dia cuba nak korek-korek apa halnya sampai I nak resign ni.Dalam hati I...ohh..dengan I tak nak tanya...my assistant cakap CPB is worried about me (hah..baru kau rasa..) and my other colleague dah dari semalam memujuk. Tapi apakan daya...hatiku dah terluka.I am so dissapointed with the way I was treated.Sampai hati sesiapa yang kasar dengan I tu....

3. I keep thinking about my dead ex lately ni.....tak tahulah kenapa.Like I said earlier...forgive and forget, ikut orang jugak.I think I am grieving...tapi apa ke hal nya? Bukannya baru kena tinggal semalam.Dah berzaman....

If Only...

Statement 1.

Saya tak pernah menyeru ataupun menggalakkan penulis kain menulis blog nya dalam bahasa kebangsaan (in my term, bahasa kebangsaan ialah penggunaa bahasa malaysia yang baik serta betul and tanpa adanya unsur carut maruts) Saya menulis dalam bahasa tak kebangsaan ini bersebab. Salah satu daripadanya ialah saya telah terkantoi.Saya juga selalu mengutuk orang-orang sekeliling saya dan demi mengelakkan perasaan murka dan adegan bermasam muka, maka terpaksalah saya menulis dalam bahasa tidak-kebangsaan.


Statement 2.

Saya telah nyatakan yang saya sekarang ini amat sibuk. Kepada mereka-mereka yang semenjak dua menjak ni dah rajin hupdate blog sendiri, perlu diingat, hidup ini ada putaran roda nya.Kadang-kadang atas dan kengkadang bawah.Mentang2 kau ada diatas dan dah rajin hupdate, janganlah kau sesekali mengutuk konsep sawang orang yang dibawah.



Cerita Selanjutnya.

With the recent event yang berlaku kat England sekarang ni (well, actually it happened last year) I am quite wary to tell people what I do for a living.Cepat betul orang nak panas hati. With the Brits attitude yang hanya pandai nak menuding jari...it is normal when there's an incident, masa tu lah masing-masing nak bukak mata pun.


Little Peter Conolly died over a year ago.He lives under the system, the same systems that pay salary to people like me.The system that was entrusted to care/change/control the damage of any potential risk.Many was saddened.I knew about it long before it was publicised.

Generally, I was expected to know it all.Just because I am in the system. I was chatting with someone long ago that how he was ridden with anxiety around me as I may 'analysed' him.

I am no expert.I am finding truth about the world myself.I have problems in many areas like any other person.It is just that I am trained to facilitate people understanding their life.But does does not make mine any better.

We have different attitude in life.Some just want theirs to be completely perfect and in some sense allow it to be fake.Some just flow like water, get whats given and ocassionally menongkah arus.We cannot telll what we really are because we are still living and this attitude change as we change our mind.

I helped some people to make decision and to the extent, I decided what is best for their life. But like any other human, I bound to make bad and wrong decision.

I have numbers of people died under my care.I'm not sure if the decision I made contributed to their demise but the only reason I can still go to sleep at night is by telling myself, that we can only hope that we do our best.

Peter, or Baby P, died helplessly when everyone that knows his plight tried hard to save him.As much as people like to blame or do the 'I told you so'...we can't help to fall for fool, for lies that presented to us.

There's a news today about a mental patient yang dah kena discharged 2 weeks ago and sekarang ni tengah bergumbira merompak and menikam orang.Some will say, dah tau gila, apasal bagi lepas...

Just because dia gila...tak semestinya dia kena kurung 24 jam. And kalau tak dilepas, macam mana pulak kita nak tau yang dia dah okay?


Kesimpulannnya, macam mana kita berjaga-jaga pun...kita akan tertipu and sometime bila terpaksa, akan menipu.We can't help it.

I will be visiting Peter's final resting place this Saturday...tak banyak sikit, terasa guilty juga.There's always, if only....if only...


RIP.

Diari Seorang Yang Sibuk

Monday - 10th November

Boss I si Cik Puan Besar, telah telephone I pagi-pagi buta, (to me, kalau Boss cari pukul 8.30 am to kira pagi-pagi buta laa...kan ke standard orang kerja pukul 9am?) CPB cakap dia nak jumpa I and mintak I datang ke Dorset dengan segera.I cakap...cakap dalam telephone tak boleh ke? Takk..nak jugak buat meeting tergempak.Dia suruh I cancel appoinment-appoinment I yang ada and katanya mesti kena jumpa dia jugak. Meeting dengan CPB disulami dengan kata-kata carutan...dimana CPB telah bengang sangat dengan sorang colleague I.Nasib baik meeting 2 jam...so dapatlah I balik ke London sebelum 5pm.Tapi penat nya..tuhan aje yang tahu. I cakap dengan CPB, I nak cuti on Tuesday...tapi I tak cakap depan dia.I cakap kat dalam email yang I hantar pukul 6.30pm...diikuti dengan penutupan mobile phone, supaya orang takleh cari...lantaklah kalau CPB nak marah pun.I got 2 missed call from Reading Prodigy.I dah nak balik ke rumah si Tua ittew..maka, segala pertanyaan remeh-temeh si Debab itu tak kan dapat lah nak ku layan.Saya telahpun ambil pendekatan tutup mobile phone.Kalau Reading Prodigy nak menyumpah seranah saya, maka silakan lah.Akan saya uruskan bila saya kembali active.

Tuesday 11th November

Seperti yang telah diplan oleh Si Tua ittew (paksa rela ni) kami berdua pergi ke Emirates tengok bola.I tak berapa suka..pasalnya, kat TV pun ada live, kenapa perlu ber somput-somput nak pergi bergasak-gasak dengan penonton bola yang kuat mencarut ittew?Orang kata...kita kena buat pengorbanan dalam rumahtangga...maka ini lah pengorbanan saya.Malam semalam si Tua ittew telah membuat pengorbanan besar iaitu meneman saya makan kat Nando's.Perlu diingat, Si Tua itu adalah pemakan sayur yang taat.Kerana chenta, dia membiarkan saya membaham 1/2 chicken extra hot ittew depan dia tanpa memberi lecture.So, kalau dia boleh berkorban demikian sekali, apalah salahnya saya mencemar duli pergi tengok bola dalam kesejukan malam? Walaupun pada hakikatnya..saya lebih rela tidur and ber Facebook.

Wednesday 12th November

I waved goodbye to Si Tua...diiringi dengan janji manis yang saya akan jumpa dia pada hari Khamis. Saya hidupkan kembali telephone bimbit saya.Orang bawahan saya beri laporan yang seorang pesakit telah memecahkan cermin kereta orang sebelah rumah berikutan sessi mengawan yang tak dapat dielakkan.Orang bawahan saya kata orang sebelah rumah nak report Police.Aiyoo..saya tak suka masuk kes Police ni...bukannya apa...nanti pesakit saya ittew akan ditahan and kalau tak kena gaya, dia akan dimasukkan ke ward.Bila dah masuk ward, seperti biasa, segala authority akan menyalahkan Team kami...tak jaga betul2 lah...tak observant dengan apa-apa distress signs lah.Seperti biasa (kerana benda-benda camni selalu sangat berlaku dalam unit kami bekerja) I telah mengadap neighbour kami yang cermin keretanya pecah ittew.Saya minta tolong..minta maaf dan sebagai nya...maka dia pun tak jadi nak press charge.Saya uruskan laporan Police supaya dia boleh claim insurance...dan saya paksa si budak jahat tu mintak mahap dengan dia.

Pada sebelah petangnya, si pompuan menghoyan tu buat hal lagi...sampai saya terpaksa 'manhandled' dia dan masuk kan dia dalam biliknya.Dengan tak professional nya, saya ugut dia..kalau kau buat lagi perangai hantu tu, siap lah awak!!! Ini sungguhlah bertentangan dengan etika kerja..tapi saya peduli hapa...takde orang dengar dan pesakit ini ialah pathological liar.Dia suka menipu..so kalaulah dia kata saya ugut dia, tak mengkin orang akan percaya.Itulah kelebihan saya..tapi sungguhlah tidak bermoral perbuatan saya itu.Ampun tuhan.Dalam pada saya sibuk dan stress, sempat saya hupdate blog.Saya bukan malas macam orang ittew.

Sebelah malam nya, saya ber chat-chat pulak dalam Facebook dengan orang Bayswater yang penat-penat datang sekarang dah nak balik pulak.Gata! Kami berjanji nak jumpa...saya sungguh confident saya free hari esok nya tapi CPB hantar message suruh saya berada di Crawley (East Sussex) pukul 10pagi.Terpaksa saya tukar time date tu ke pukul 2...tapi dalam hati saya tahu, kalau dah meeting dengan CPB...habis2 pun pukul 12, macam manalah saya nak sampai London pukul 2? Saya tidak ada Batmobile!!!

Thursday 13th November

Saya terpaksa meminjam Batmobile MB1...itu saja caranya saya boleh sampai Crawley pukul 10 pagi.Batmobile MB1 memang lajuuu..tapi saya bukanlah pemandu yang laju.Tapi nasib baik saya sempat sampai on time, kalau tak CPB akan menembak saya dengan mulut lasernya.Meeting kali ini sungguh mengejutkan...saya ditelah diarahkan bekerja di Exeter selama 3 bulan, untuk menangani krisis kat situ.Macam celaka.CPB mintak tolong...dia suka cara saya bekerja (cewwahhh) dan kata segala pegawai2 atasan yang lain mahu saya menolong project ittew.Saya kata saya kena berbincang dengan partner saya...saya telepon si Tua, and si Tua kata, dia tetap menyokong saya walau dimana pun saya bekerja...terus saya rasa bersalah.Saya selalu mementingkan kerja dari si Tua ittew...tapi nak buat macam mana? Si Tua tu kalau dilayan sangat pun, mahu berbunuhan juga nanti.

Saya terpaksa mengensel Org Bayswater...saya tak tahu bila saya boleh jumpa dia..obviously, saya kena siapkan action plan bagai..buat hand over, melantik pemangku..macam-macam.Saya bekerja-dan bekerja..tau-tau dah pukul 10 malam..dan saya takut pulak nak naik tube pergi ke Finsbury Park memalam ni...saya tidur rumah MB1...(sambil menipu si Tua kata saya tidur kat Opis)

Friday/Saturday

Sibuk-sibuk-sibuk.Dalam pada sibuk..saya bergaduh dengan si Tua.Saya telah mengompliment adalah sorang pelakon Eastenders ni..(alaa..yang anak tiri nya tido dengan bapak tiri dia tu...) saya kata, pandai pelakon tu nyanyi lagu untuk Children In Needs.Maka si Tua terus kata...kalau kau suka sangat kat dia..kau shag lah dia...cilaka!!!! Terus saya tak jumpa-jumpa si Tua.

Hari ni, saya ada buat kerja last minute di opis. Besok saya akan berangkat ke Dorset.Saya akan cuba update sekerap yang boleh.Tapi saya takleh janji...

Saya doakan orang ittew...dapatlah replacement orang gaji nya...kalau tak pun...have your children fostered/adopted.Senang cerita.Aduhhh..itu nasihat puaka.

Siapa Yang Malu? Mereka Dan Keluarga Mereka...

Reading Prodigy called me....at last.To apologise that is.I have now resigned to the fact that he is mentally ill and emotionally disturbed.This is what PHD does to you...nasib baik lah I ni tak pandai...and takde tokoh nak buat PHD or I will be receiving the same fate as Reading Prodigy.

He is so lucky that I am so used to berkomunikasi dengan orang-orang yang macam dia juga...so whatever the stunt he pulled is like a repetitive behaviour.No one...apart from his mother I would assume, will give him any time in a day.He is so lucky that I can now conclude his action as permasaalahan sosial yang sungguh sial.

Tetapi kesabaran saya ada batasan nya dan dia itu sungguh bernasib baik yang sabar saya belum lagi berbatas...tunggulah musim saya pulak akan meghoyan.

Not wanting (again) to bruise his ego, I did not bring up any past events yang boleh memalukan dirinya yang debab tu.He hangs up the phone, he whinges,he naik angin tak tentu pasal. He will not be in my case for long...maybe in one or two years he finished his PHD and berambus balik kampung...or worst, he will join the rest of the Bridgend Society.For you readers who don't live in the UK, Bridgend is a kampung in Wales yang majority penduduk nya mempunyai hobi membunuh diri.Tuhan aje lah yang tau kenapa...gaya hidup masakini kot?

Because Reading Prodigy is very intellectual, he is conscious of his surroundings.He said sorry...I said, okay.I reminded him the fact yang I ni bekerja makan gaji.Not only that I makan gaji, my working pattern sungguhlah tak serupa orang so, I takde masa nak ber power-power nap bagai masa lunch time.Ataupun mengikut petikan kiriman SMS seorang ahli professional ni kepada saya 'We dentist at %&*M not only have to see patient, we have other things to do...'.Other things to do like..tidur tanpa gangguan dalam opis or check out sale kat KLCC kan? Tu diahh...menyindir!

Reading Prodigy told me that he is lonely...(adakah kau rasa itu masalah aku?) and that he needs a friend/someone to talk to.Well, we have heard this all before didn't we? In psychological/medical terms, this is echolalia.Yakni bercakap benda yang sama sepanjang masa.

Unless you memang bangsa yang memilih, I think men are generally sociable.Kalau tidak, masakan kita ada masalah rumahtangga sana-sini dalam dunia ni.They invent so many terms...kawan tapi mesra lah...married but available lah...hubungan tak lebih dari sahabat dalam dunia seni lah...hish..macam2.

I tanya Reading Prodigy, tak kan lah you takde kawan kat sinun.Pakcik tu kata, ada tapi bukan bangsa yang dia boleh meluahkan perasaan nya...(I tak pernah pun cakap you boleh meluah perasaan kat I..tapi you luah jugak)

I told Reading prodigy that it is unfair to have expectation on people especially nowadays all of us have a problem of our own.Plus, apa lagi yang nak diluahkan...you made your decision.Fine.This is the consequences of your decision, maka kenalah face the problem head on.I told him that he should count himself lucky that his soon-to-be ex wife is far back home that she can't even datang menyerang dia bawak reporter sekali.

I keep telling him to ask himself apa lagi yang dia nak? He got himself out from an unhappy marriage (katanya), I pointed out that maybe she should not pikir sangat pasal tuntutan harta sepencarian tu (kau tu bukannya Donald Trump pun) and whatever he may think, wife is rightly so to tuntut.

Although Reading Prodigy macam pandai kata..alah..you bukan lawyer...you tak tahu hal-hal tuntutan rumahtangga ni (oh really?) I cakap dengan dia (walaupun tangan ku menggigil nak cucuk bijik matanya) okay, I am no expert but...you married her voluntarily, she accepted you thinking that you're the one warts and all.You now decided, you didn't love her enough to continue having future together...and you are now saying that it was a mistake marrying her.It is your mistake and not hers.So whatever it is, you dragged her into this and she could have a better life if it is not because of you.Can you feel her embarassment now? Being dumped just like that? You ingat perempuan tak malu ke kena cerai?

But, that's all mine.She never contributed to anything, how dare she asked to have 1/2 of everything?

I did not answer him back.Reading Prodigy got big headed almost immediately 'see, you can't answer me back..I know I am right..'

Okaylah..if you think so.But can I just remind you that miserliness is so off putting.

Emosi Yang Tidak Terkawal

Berikut adalah kejadian-kejadian dimana saya telah gagal melawan emosi.

Kejadian Pertama - Tesco Earl's Court
Ish...tak tahulah pulak semenjak dua-menjak ni segala cashier-mashier kat supermarket ke, Hypermarket hatta Sweet Shop kepunyaan sedara Datuk Shah Rukh Khan kat London ni dah start membelek-belek duit kertas kepunyaan paying customer didepan muka paying customer ittew sendiri.Aparraaa....Ada jugak 1,2 kali bila I singgah kedai beli Diet Coke and Makcik empunya (could be) kedai itu mula menyelak-menoropong duit kertas I. It has never bothered me that much until semalam, when I pergi Tesco to buy sokabar The Sun. (psstt..Kiah, aku bukan tengok Pg 3 ye...if you must know I only buy The Sun newspaper on Saturday only sebab aku suka baca TV Magazine nya..harap maklum). Because I only have one item to pay, I opted the main counter..ala...tempat display ciggarettes tu.This old bag, mula lah start belek-belek my £10 note.Politely I apologised for not having smaller change. Lagi aku apologised, lagi digasaknya belek-belek duit I.Tak cukup dengan raba-raba hujung,tepi,atas bawak duit tu...she took the trouble to walk back to the nearest illumination, place the money near to the light to double check.I look at her.Thought she would berpuas hati by now.No.She walk to the next counter and asked her colleague to double check.

Excuse me, is there a problem? -----------> I asked dengan muka yang macam puaka.
No, not at all, love. ---------------> Dia jawab dengan muka yang takde apa-apa.

I betul2 panas hati...walaupun takde kejadian bergaduh depan reporter or anyone menitiskan air mata, sepanjang hari jugak mood I telah bertukar dari Pope Benedict to Robert Mugabe.Not to mention how the woman made me feel like aku ni ketua sindiket pengeluaran wang palsu.I rasa nak cakap aje dengan pompuan tu, if lah aku ni ada kilang cetak duit and of course lah kalau dah kerja mencetak duit sure nya aku kaya-raya, does she really think that I am going to shop at that poxy TESCO?

Kejadian Kedua-Kat Opis
The Reading prodigy is back with his old tricks...as in muncul secara tiba-tiba kat area I bekerja, telling me he is in the area and ajak I keluar minum kopi.With the current weather, coffee invite sounds very appealing.I may not like the company very much but who will say no to Cafe Nero time-time kejap hujan kejap angin kuat ni.Pakcik tu takde consideration ke yang I ni makan gaji and working with company that does not belongs to my father? Dia tu tatau ke I bukan macam some people yang ada proclivity to tido kat opis pada waktu bekerja?

I have been very busy...sampaikan nak bebughak dengan Org Bayswater pun is a hit and miss. Tu tak termasuk janji-janji palsu yang ditabur kat not-so-desperate-hoswipe kat Hull ittew.I told him that it is a shame that I'm busy and he is available.So I wish him fun minum kopi sensorang and hoping that will all the luck (he needs it) dia akan jumpa Kelly Brooke lookalike.

I am now certain that he is a hermaphrodite.With his mood swings I am sure he is experiencing the mentruation cycle.Paling tidak pun...dia mesti penghidap Bipolar Manic Depression yang tengah mengalami mood yang macam celaka.Dia boleh naik angin you....he went on and on about people letting him down brokbrekbrokbrek.Lupa ke dia yang dia tu yang ajak aku keluar? Tu kira nasib baik lah I tak buat aksi-aksi pelachorr kelas atasan dealing with penniless punter.

Surprisingly, I diam saja and let him get on with it and this time, he has the honour of hanging up the phone.I think I can just brush that off as kes-kes meghoyan yang I selalu nampak dalam secure unit but I must have been suffering from a delayed reaction where after 5 hours kejadian serangan dilokasi pengambaran tu berlaku...hati I jadi panas sepanasnya and habis satu tub Hagen Daas I kerjakan.Talking about nak menguruskan badan lepas makan berkoyan kat KL.

Kejadian Ketiga
MB sekarang ni dah gila Facebook. Tu lah..padan muka.Dulu masa I dengan MB2 pujuk2 dia bukan account, dia kata buang masa lah, tak kuasa lah...macam-macam.Tapi bila segala kengkawan dia kat KL ada Facebook, maka dengan muka tak malunya dia suruh I create account untuk dia.I was stopping at her place pada satu hari yang malang and she asked to borrow my laptop, katanya dia nak check Facebook and MB2 is using her laptop.Unsuspectingly, I pun kasi lah..but at the same time charging my Ipod using the USB port.

Keesokan harinya on my way to work, bila I nak pasang Ipod, alangkah terperanjatnya I yang Ipod I dah kosong!!! It turned out that habis lelagu I telah di wiped out kan segala tak sengaja oleh MB.Ayoyo..kadawale...kadawale.I had to reset the whole thing again and resubmit all songs...and that caused me two sleepless nights.Menitik-nitik air mata I...mengenangkan habis lelagu yang I purchased from I-Tunes hilang begitu saja....I really cried sampai mata bengkak.Tak sangka begitu sekali hatiku terluka.


Sekian.

(Dengan ini dijuga..diharapkang Capt Lukman dapat lah mengantar kembali lagu mayang sari ittewww...sambil pose-pose berdoa selepas semayang ishtikarah mintak petunjuk perlukah aku kahwin dua)

And When I Have Promised Not To Talk About Marriage...

You can't help to mengalami hari-hari yang macam celaka sometimes...

My Boss si Cik Puan Besar (CPB) is on annual leave. Sebagai seorang hipokrit yang berkaliber, I told her to enjoy her leave unbeknown to her, sepanjang ketiadaan nya kat area I bekerja ni,me and my South London counterpart tak henti-henti membatu apikan diri sendiri to no longer do her any favour and or to help the company. We tell ourselves, CPB semestinya maggi bergaji more than 40,000k a year and for all that money, she may as well swallow all the poo herself (Wah!!! sadissss!!!)

While I was away, one of my patient was severely challenging and the men (see, my unit comprised of 2 females...yang bertenaga jantan and 3 males, yang mulut mengalahkan pompuan.) was having massive problems with her. Masuk-masuk aje I kat opis, CPB mulalah mengomplen bahawa jantan-jantan yang telah I amanahkan menjaga unit ini tak berhenti-henti merengek kat CPB and to another relief Manager. Itu susah, ini susah.

The patient, a female, who is autistic with mental retardation rose to reign of terror and menurut report yang dipersembahkan kepada ku masa I tengah happy berpoya-poya dengan gang-gang bini orang kat KL, the men have no other option but to have her sedated whenever she 'plays up'.

I tanya jejantan ni...apa ke masalah nya sampai hari-hari kena keluar PRN? (Prescribe When Necessary) Jawapan yang diberikan sungguhlah bangang sampai I rasa nak rotan aje jantan-jantan bertiga ittew.Not only that their 'stupidity' is becoming very clear by the second, jantan-jantan ittew boleh pulak menyalahkan sesama sendiri.Imagine, one female supervisor (aku la tu) in a board meeting with 3 men and the 3 pin pointing each other, making all that noise like bunch of horny cats.

The last 2 weeks was a strain..(dalam-dalam busy, boleh lagi I menjaga tepi kain Abby & Norman) and that really made me think, berbaloikah the work, the responsibilities it carries and the gaji?

While I was away, si Tua tu terbaca my blog (terbaca ke sengaja investigate old browsing history I?) and come across my post about how I'm still digging on my ex. I don't remember writing it all in English and tah macam mana si Tua dah put 2 and 2 together and came up with 4.5...

Selepas itu, of course seperti Norman & Abby, kami bergaduh lah dengan dia syak yang I selama ni masih chenta kat orang lama and tak chenta kat dia sepenuh hati...not only that, si Tua jumpa receipt KLIA Duty Free rokok Sampoerna and interrogate I macam nak gila.

Sebagai seorang pompuan yang ber ego tinggi macam jematan Archway tu, I refused to give in to silly accusation.It is only receipt beli rokok, bukannya gambar bogel I dengan sesiapa...or text-text messages raunchy and mencurigakan for that matter.So, dengan cool nya, I cakap..you can think what you like and terus keluar rumah tak balik-balik macam Norman Hakim.

See, I get offended easily bila ditohmah begitu rupa. I will not go and defend myself and kalaulah dia nak menyiasat ke, apa ke or kalau dia nak datang mengamuk kat tempat I shooting pelem, pun gasak dia lah.I pompuan suci...jangan sewenang-wenang nya nak tuduh I.

But after a while (after ku kehabisan fresh socks untuk dipakai pergi kerja) I balik rumah si Tua tu to pick up few things and masa ni, hati masing-masing dah sejuk.Masa ni lah I gunakan kesempatan untuk cakap kat dia, I ni ada satu ex aje...tu pun dah mati.You tu, dah lah berlori exes, pulak tu kadang-kadang berjumpa tapi I takde pun nak syak wasangka.So kenapa pulak, bila I cerita pasal my ex to some people yang I kenal, you boleh naik angin? Ada ke I cerita yang I pergi menyundal ke, check in hotel pakai Day Use ke dengan orang lain? I cakap kat si Tua tu, I am going to feel like that about him don't know until when...it is very innocent feeling bukannya feeling-feeling nak masuk semak buat projek. So kalau you tak suka, tu you punya pasal lah...

Seperti biasa, posting-posting blog I semuanya tak bermoral and takde langsung yang boleh dijadikan iktibar...but I think if I may share this., tak guna kita menyakitkan diri/hati/kepala or segala anatomy/organ dalam badan dek kerna nak jaga hati/mulut orang.

Yes, relationships is hard to come by...the meaningful ones lah.But to keep your sanity, you have to decide what will make you happy.So kepada mereka-mereka yang terpaksa menahan hati sebab anak2 lah..sebab takut org kampung mengata or for any other sebab-sebab sosial that you have to keep trying to make your relationship works, remember this, if you're the only one yang put all the effort, you may as well put your effort somewhere else yang menyenangkan hidup you sendiri. Tak guna juga..hati ada sayang tapi kepala tak boleh tenang memikirkan perangai laki.The other party often are very good at transferring the blame and all the negative attention to you.Contoh...pompuan yang pi menyerang laki kat opis ke, tempat shooting pelem ke...orang akan kata, ohhh patutlah laki nak cari lain..tengoklah si singa bini nya.Tapi kalau lakinya tak memainkan peranan sebagai gembala singa yang bermoral, tak kan nya singa-singa akan berkeliaran mencari mangsa kan? Singa pompuan jugak yang akan dikata dek orang akhirnya.Padahal salah laki...

Kalau satu hari nanti you naik gila dek masalah rumah tangga, orang tetap akan mengata juga.All in all, orang tetap juga akan membuka mulut, so tak payahlah pikir pasal sesiapa, but you only.

p/s Padan muka kau CPB, aku makan gaji buta blogging kat opis hari ni...

Jahat..Jahat...Jahat....Thought

While everybody I know tengah sibuk-sibuk nak tau/berdoa supaya that Barrack Obama menang election malam tadi,I spent a good 3 hours google'ing 'Abby-Norman-Norman-Abby'.

See, sebagai gossip columnist yang berwibawa (cewwwahh) I will need to look from more than one source.Sometime yang bukan reporter lebih tahu dari reporter-reporter berbayar ni...

I am not aware of anymore stupid husband since Awie.Bad enough you dah tipu bini you, bila dah tertangkap tu janganlah menambah drama dengan mengata bini awak macam-macam pulak kan, Kiah?

I am not blessed with any type of premonitory instinct.So memanglah I ni akan bernasib malang kalau tertipu.Being a tipah-tertipu myself, especially takdir tuhan (yes Norman, this is the right context) yang nak menunjukkan kebenaran, where I bumped into my ex and his so called soon-to-be divorced missus kat dalam klinik.Hah...dah le takde langsung tanda-tanda yang menunjukkan they all tu diambang perceraian seperti yang di war-warkan oleh my ex, the missus boleh mengandung lagi pulak tu...talk about 'I don't love my wife'. How can you 'do' your wife and not loving her?

Mind you that is incident kedua I menangkap my ex.But it was my kebodohan jugaklah to allow the second one.I think we women cepat lembut hati if the lover come up with excuses like

a) I'm an idiot,it is you that I really want...

b) It was a mistake...bad,bad one. Don't leave me...I can't live without you...

c) Anything similar lah like the above...ah,you men must know how to come up with more kan?

On the newspaper yesterday...Norman tanpa segan-silliew nya announce...walaupun dah menitis ayaq mata bila diconfront oleh Abby (what does that tell you? Men can always resort to become a waterbag when need to...)

'Saya tak dapat menolak takdir kalau saya terpaksa kahwin dengan Memey' (I really hate the spelling, by the way)

'Abby adalah pembakar semangat and Memey adalah penyelamat' (what does it mean?)

'Tolonglah memahami saya....' (walaupun saya nak kahwin sorang lagi) ------->macam celaka!!!

'Saya tak mahu bercerai..tak mahu anak-anak menjadi mangsa kejahilan kami berdua' (you yang ada affair, bini sendiri pulak dipanggil nya jahil)

You can't be serious...kata masih sayang isteri, tapi pi cakap pasal nak kawin lagi? Pastu gi puji/puja pulak gf baru dalam sokabar...aiyyoo!!!

I know quite few people who had/having extramarital affair.Some are the people who sought support from my department and some are just acquaintances. I think it is just normal for some people to feel that after a while, they want a different things in their life.Some are brave enough to leave the current partner and start a new life with someone else.Some are just trapped with their own anxiety...of course bila dah ada anak, harta sepencarian etc, you really don't want to be bogged down with extra problems.Tahan ajelah.The life is bearable for now.

Sebagai seorang wanita yang tak bergantung sepenuhnya pada kepada orang lain...I really take pity to those yang terpaksa memendam perasaan.I think I am so done with memendam perasaan...kadang-kadang kita ni taknak cakap apa-apa sebab kononnya masa tu masih chenta...and you really aim to be the best thing in his life, hoping that dia bolehlah kompang kat kengkawan nya yang gf I sungguhlah sporting, tak cemburu buta (walaupun perangaiku macam celaka)

But no.That will not happen in a million years.The compliment I had wish only came after we were no longer available to each other.Apa lah salah nya masa bercinta tu puja-puji I sikit...berbaloi gak rasa nya memendam perasaan tu...

The children will find his/her way to grow up, of course with your guidance.What we should know is that to be the guidance, we are not necessarily required to be with the father.Orang takut bercerai sebab takut anak-anak merana.(Funny enough, masa dia dok menjamu mata and selera berpoya-poya an dengan pompuan lain, tak pulak dia pikir pasal anak-anak dia.) Of course lah if you tak berenti berpropaganda against each other or bergaduh depan reporter, the child will surely merana.

If there is no longer love and compatibality, you might as well find your own happiness.I can't imagine coming home, tak bercakap, looking at each other and wondering 'why?'

BTW, if your husband would rather bagi tumpang keta to other pompuan than mengantar bininya yang sarat mengandung tu pi kerja...the obvious reason is that he is so desperate to be the popular one with the girl dia bagi tumpang whereas, there's no longer a desire to be popular with bini sendiri. (Not because he doesn't want to, it is because he think he's popular already with you) If I am the bini...although bagi tumpang keta tak bermakna mereka-mereka tu up to something bad, I will tell him that, fine. I can look after myself well walaupun I tengah memboyot and emotionally vulnerable.I'm sure, I can live by myself as well.And you will have more time to impress others who is only after a free ride from you.Thank god I don't have to sacrifice my time and my life to be popular...(sadiss..sadiss...)

Remind me not to write about Abby and Norman anymore.

Updates

Somebody I know once said to me that the perfect wife is the one yang tak banyak mulut and sporting.Understatement betul....

The fact is, however 'perfect' the wife is...nobody will ever know how to satisfy someone who clearly don't know what they want themselves.

My ex, once or twice told me that his wife is very 'pushy' and sometimes 'irrational'. What surprised me is that women are often very transparent and after a little while, you will know what sort of person you're dealing with.It takes years and years to know a man.My ex must have known that the wife were 'pushy' and 'irrational' before agreeing to be tied down in matrimony.So kenapa bila dah kawin pandai komplen pulak ? (Read: Padan muka..)

One question I never get to ask him is...I ni sungguh lah sporting nya...tak banyak mulut and memenuhi specifikasi bini idaman...tapi apasalnya you tinggalkan I?

Sebagai manusia biasa yang sungguh berminat dengan gossip-gossip masakini (plus, masa I balik hari tu..I tiap2 minggu tengok Melodi tawww...) I berminat betul mengikut gossip Abby & Norman Hakim tu.

It is very obvious that Abby is the 'pushy' type.I've seen worst.Ni semua type pompuan-pompuan yang bangsa suka menyerang laki/boyfriend kat tempat-tempat awam githooo....demi memenuhi kepanasan hati.This are the type yang paling senang kena cucuk dengan Batu Api.The fact that mereka-mereka ni selalu dikurniakan lelaki-lelaki yang gatal is really not helping.

Pompuan2 cemburu buta macam ni kadang-kadang misti diajar juga.However in Abby's case, you can't help but want to spare her the slack.Kawan tu baru beranak...laki pulak bangsa yang suka 'kawan tapi mesra' (hish..camni punya statement pun ada...) dengan segala pompuan-pompuan yang dia jumpa.My friend told me that pompuan masa mengandung ni self-esteem masing2 jatuh la ke size zero.Masa ni la rasa diri tak lawa, emosi tak tentu...rasa nak bunuh orang pun ada.Your only sanity is your husband...tapi kalau laki pun macam bolayan aje, tak ke kita ni rasa macam nak makan orang?

Alasan the jantan yang tak balik rumah sebab tak nak bising-bising...bukan ke menyebabkan hati bini makin gunda gulana?

Tup-tup..dah kena tangkap basah lah pulak and you can see why the wife macam nak gila.

Married life is always a gamble. I selalu cakap dengan si Tua tu, kalau you ada hati nak ada affair, I appreciate you bagitau I tau.Nobody like to be lied to..tapi kalau dah nak kena tipu jugak, nak buat macam mana? You really shouldn't torture yourself to insanity memikirkan eh..laki aku ni ada tak affair dengan sesapa pompuan kat luar tu.

Counselling only helps those yang betul2 nak berubah.To those yang pergi just to membuat syarat sebab terkantoi dengan bini...semoga tuhan ajelah yang boleh menolong.

Abby clearly cannot trust this man anymore than she should.He is probably as innocent as he likes to think but to allow his wife to suffer,especially sampai masuk front page sat Malaya dah tau, he is not after all the man a woman should consider buat laki.

He should really find himself a woman who will allow him the freedom, who would not mind if he stays out as and when and ultimately to just let him do as he please.

Dah lah..Abby, 1 pergi...10 mari. Although I am so into gossips, this matter is best kept private between the two.Enough embarassment already. Kan Kiah?

From Reading....Without Love

A classic love story.

Boy and girl went out together for the first time, 3 weeks after his first letter 'boleh kita berkenalan?' to her. In total, there's 7 correspondences between the two, 4 from him and 3 from her.

He took her to Warung Mak Su (tatau lah kalau warung ni masih wujud) for nasi lemak and teh ais.Girl got so excited she exceeded the curfew and in return, she was awarded with long lecture from Cikgu Kesumawati Scientist Tak Jadi tu....

The whole Maktab knew about their innocent affair...the boy played rugby and football for the school...he is also very good looking and he is one of not many boys in that year who wears 'Reebok' and Benetton shirt.Whoaaahhh!!!! The girl pun lawa...no other girl stand a chance with him.She is so lucky.

Cikgu Kesumawati lectures that evening or every other evening did not deter her one bit and the two will go on date whenever they can...kat Pekan, kat Library, kat kantin, exhanging glances kat dewan makan and kat padang...

Both boy and girl despite very,very intense relationship passed their SPM with flying colours...

But that spells the end of the affair...well, not immediately. Girl got posted to UK and boy is flying to OZ. The continue their dating episodes in Shah Alam.Boy was in Ausmat and girl was in NCUK.

Campur,tolak,bahagi and darab...the love story lasted for 6 years...girl blamed the distance (and her new beau who is also now her husband) and boy was brokenhearted.

So brokenhearted that he remain single for the next 5 years...

5 years ago he was pushing 30 an with mounting pressure from amma,appa,ayam and kambing...he agree to marry.No whirlwind romance...keluar makan 3,4 kali...tengok wayang 2 kali...she likes him and he think she is 'cute', what the hell...bercinta nak mampos pun tak jadi juga he thinks, he decided this time tak payah nak cinta-cinta and let's do it the old fashion way.

This the 5th year...after all these years.

Today, like our any other coffee dates...the boy (for the record...the handsome boy is no longer handsome) can't stop whinging, can't stop feeling sorry that his first love dumped him and can't believe how stupid he has been rushing into a love-less marriage.

But you made that choice..I said.You were happy...at least in the beginning...

Have you ever made a mistake that cost you a lifetime?

Hish...everybody made mistake lah...and what do you mean cost you a lifetime? You are divorcing her...and habis-habis pun,half of your wealth will be gone.That is hardly a lifetime damage lah kawan...

I can't believe her audacity...bloody golddigger....

Eh, can I give you a homework? What you want me to do?

Why don't you write down what happened between you and your wife fom the beginning...until the day you decided that you have had enough and decided to leave her....in a lurch, without any explanation apart from you're feeling out of love for her.

Then you decide...maybe she is not a golddigger after all. You ruined her life too.

Bongok!!! (What I said to boy...dalam hati laaa)


p/s Lokmang...meh lah kita sama-sama menangis dengar lagu Rossa tu...

The Past, The Present & The Future. Worthy Battle?

One of my close friend bumped into her husband ex while we were out measuring roadway kat KL recently.

Nilah susahnya kan...if you go to the same school or university same with your hubby.You obviously have access to segala sejarah silamnya,including who he dated before you. Pengajaran...jangan berchenta dengan rakan seperjuangan.Berchentalah dengan orang yang takde kena mengena dengan you.This is the only advantage budak TKC has.Unless if you're practising lesbian, of course.

Kawan I ni...takde cacat celanya (eh..macam aku pulak yang berdating dengan dia) but since you pun tau sejarah hidup laki you macam Encyclopedia Kanak-Kanak, she knew the extent of the romance tak jadi lakinya tu.

Her laki pulak...not sure if being a wind up merchant is one of his specialty (selain dari mempetronas service bini nya) suka benar menyakitkan hati bininya dengan sengaja membuka sejarah lama.

Mulut I yang puaka ni, nak aje cakap kat my friend ni..kau ni bodoh lah.But mulut I memang puaka and I did tell her that she is stupid, menyesakkan akal memikir hal tak perlu lakinya.

The story was, laki and his ex, berchenta for 5 years...tup-tup laki kena hantar kat University yang sama dengan my friend ni (bini nya sekarang) and his ex, kena hantar kat tempat lain.Of course when you're young (and stupid) chenta 5 tahun is sealed as chenta maut, tak sedar yang kalau the chenta cannot withstand the distance is as good as chenta monyet because like monyet, you are free to bersenggayut from dahan to dahan.

In the end, pasangan chenta maut ittew married different people.The guy married my friend and the girl, married tahsapa-sapa jantan yang coincident nya, satu aliran pekerjaan pulak dengan one of our friend (not the one yang I cerita ni..tapi kawan rapat lah jugak)

I pun tak tahulah...apa hasilnya menyelongkar cerita lama but apparently her girl punya laki, ada jugak cuba usyar-usyar nak tahu pasal my friend's husband ni through his colleage yang juga our friends. (Don't worry, aku pun pening menulis nya)

Of course keadaan geography Malaysia yang kecik ittew menyebabkan everyone happens to be everyone's friends and they (the couples) ada jugak terjumpa-jumpa kat majlis-majlis reunion ke, hapa ke...(pengajaran...masuk alumni ke, Facebook group ke dengan budak satu sekolah you is not necessarily a good idea)

Bila dah jumpa, mengata.Baik yang jantan-jantan nya pun.Of course lah bila jantan mengata or bergossip, the matter becomes bak air lalu yang tak memberi makna but to my friends ni, sungguh terusik self-esteem nya.

I don't usually kisah masalah orang (you might say, wow..that's a change.Bukan ke orang yang kerja macam kerja I ni suka dengar masalah orang?) tapi kalau masalah orang tu mengganggu gugat my day especially when I am trying to enjoy a nice Ipoh White Coffee, panas lah jugak hati I.

Okay.You berchenta maut dengan si polan-polan.Bukannya you kena tipu/tinggal tanpa alasan macam I.You're hardly frust menonggeng (macam I) so buat apa lagi you nak sibuk-sibuk pasal dengan siapa sipolan tu kawin?

Yes.It is nice to gossip...gossip sikit-sikit okaylah...tapi kalau sampai serabut kepala, apa ke hal nya?

There's always a reason why you past did not make it to your future.You're presently happy...maybe your laki is a little bit annoying but apart from that, do you really want to think about his past,talk about his past when you bumped into his past?

On top of that, you are also interested to know his past punya past and sanggup pulak jadi CSI tanya situ, korek sini sana.

I have seen so many emotionally disturbed people...this is one of them.What is sad is because it is over something gravely petty.Believe me, your feelings will mature with you.You will experience a change of heart. Your past love life maybe so intense it can lit up a bonfire but if your feeling isn't there anymore, there is really nothing to worry about.

So ingatlah, walaupun laki or bini you berchenta persis Romeo & Juliet with his past sampai ugut nak terjun-terjun jematan..remember this, they're the past.Nobody terjun jematan pun in the end.You're happy now...anak pun dah dua 3.It's okay to reminisce...apart from that, it is just zilch.Get over it.

Watie...Oh Watie....

I had a weirdest dream.It is a big deal for me.

Not very early hours...I think it is between 4 to 6am.

I can't remember what it is about but it is in a work setup (the scenario) and I think I am some sort of boss besar (hish..tak nak kalah kan?) and Watie is my PA. Who is Watie? That Elite girl was so vivid in my dream as my PA.Apa kejadahnya Watie?

Watie, in my dream..was looking very appealing.I can't explain what sort of appeal was she presenting,but for sure I wasn't having any of those episode of Lesbian Erotica tau, Kiah.So sebelum kau berpikir yang bukan-bukan let me tell you this, even if I am having somekind of a LE moment, no offence to Watie but I'll be choosing someone else yang memenuhi citarasa ku.

I have never been a big fan of that all girl group Elite, tapi I adalah masa dedolu beli CD they all tu.Okaylah..not bad lah..compared to that kepastian and pengertian girls.Tapi still takleh lawan kita bersama mengejar mimpiii punya group.

I think, Watie was the least famous one.Ye lah...masa ni manalah dia ada scandal dengan sapa-sapa kan? But always, the least famous is the better vocal.Sasha Saidin is too OTT, Linda Rafar is too common...Azza's too loud and that left us with the two yang tak berapa stand out.Psychologically, we bound to have a bit more interest to one yang kita tak berapa tau.

Still, I left Malaysia too soon to find out more about Elite but some years later, somebody I know married to Linda (and bercerai jugak akhirnya) and I saw Sasha working in Superdrug (at the same time pi propah kat orang kat Malaysia yang dia tu kononnya berpangkat besar..hish, takbaik tipu tau)

I am so surprised, dalam banyak2 orang...apasal pulak I boleh mimpi pasal Watie padahal I satu apa pun tatau pasal dia, apart from nama dia Watie.

The mimpi that I had obviously halted in abrupt, kalau tak tak kan lah aku tertanya-tanya sepanjang hari.See, I was very disturbed by the dream.Why Watie? I can understand if Wan Zaleha yang keluar..but Watie? Apa kena mengena nya?

After half a day wondering why, you might think that I should rest about it but I didn't and I almost cancel my meeting because I can't get Watie out of my head.Kes berat ni....( or some might say..gilo kau ni!!!)

4pm today, I initiated a chit chat session dengan Senior Practitioner dalam opis I ni...sajalah nak tau apa yang menyebabkan kita ni suddenly termimpi pasal orang yang takde kena mengena dengan kita.Dream is always about a continuity of unfinished thoughts, logically but with me,yang tak logic nya, I tak kenal si Watie ni, so kenapa pulak I sampai mimpi dia?

On a bus home today, I recalled watching this late night drama...alaa..all those drama raya.There is this drama that I come across while flipping through the chanel.I don't know what is the tajuk but I do know it is about a facially deformed young gil who lives with the nenek.Because the drama was half way through...I only remember watching this girl and her nenek...talking to this man who visit their house, accompanied by Watie.But Watie tak cakap sepatah haram pun...apart from pose-pose muka stress.

This cacat girl said that her beautiful mother abandoned her and how she is missing her.Lagilah si Watie ni tak senang duduk and I think it gets too much that she (Watie) walked out from the house.

Seperti biasa drama Melayu di hari raya...you ran across the road deliberately without looking and super coincident that ada lori sedang menanti untuk buat-buat tak nampak lalu melanggar si pelari jarak dekat ni tadi.

Of course lah..the director/producer will allow a moment of sokseksoksek before you actually mati...and that's happened to Watie.

Now I remember...the question remain unanswered to me.Kenapa Watie lari tinggalkan anak dia? Kenapa itu dan kenapa ini? I never get to see the repeat.The more I think about it, the more I realised that my thought really never got settled and that's why Watie is still...unconsciously in my head.

Betul lah membuang masa....

Berbagi Suami, Boipren Dan DOT DOT DOT...

Boss I memang kejam....tak panas pun pungkok I kat my opis, sedap aje I disuruhnya pergi ke Dorset..about 2 to 2.5 hours drive dari tempat I ni.I memang dah agak dah..memang ada babi disebalik kuehtiau betul bila I telepon dia 2 hari lepas,telling her yang I dah masuk opis seperti sediakala. Boss kata..wahh..welkam back Makji...we missed you.We? Ceh..mestilah kata guna 'we' kan? Kang kalau cakap 'I' missed you, tak pasal-pasal kena whistleblow sexual harassment kan?

Sebagai pekerja yang menurut kata...I pun cakap okay lah.Kang nak melawan nanti dia ingat kita dah besar kepala pulak.Lagipun I ni terhutang body jugak pasal Boss that day approved cuti I yang short notice tu.Dah lah short notice, 5 straight weeks lak tu.

I got an urgent message from one young desperate hoswipe.Apparently kata secretary tak rasmi I...a.k.a. orang yang tukang ambik message kat DL I,masa I on holiday, ada 2,3 kali jugak dia mencari.Sebelum I pergi Dorset semalam, I pun telephone lah si adik ni. Adik ni is a high funsctioning autism.Very able bodied tapi kepalanya sungguhlah senget.Orang kata A, dia nak B jugak.She was in my case last year but after 30 weeks, I decided yang dah takde apa lagi nak difollow up however I ni kadang-kadang bermulut gatal pi cakap kat dia, kalau you ada problem..janganlah malu-malu contact opis I.

She wasn't a desperate hoswipe when I was seeing her, but she sure is one desperate case. Masa mula-mula I kenal dia, dia ni frust sebab takde orang nak kat dia.Hari-hari nangis...her low self-esteem made it worst.I remember how I wish not only her self-esteem is low.Macam-macam program my department buat untuk dia demi menghilangkan ke 'desperate' an dia ittew. Si adik ni pulak, demand nya boleh tahan...jantan-jantan available tapi bangsa terpeleot macam dia, tahu pulak dia tak berkenan.It was a murder for us.Imagine muka ghope dah lah macam Joyah..tapi ada hati nak kawan dengan Brad Pitt aje.Susah...susah.Nak berterus-terang dengan dia kang..janganlah jadi pungguk rindukan bulan...kang dia frust sampai bunuh diri..aku jugaklah yang susah.

Tapi Allah itu maha kaya...agaknya tuhan tahu betapa sakitnya jiwa I menasihatkan dia, alih-alih Cik Desperate Hoswipe (CDH) ni bertemulah dengan jejaka idaman kalbu nya.Jejaka idaman kalbu, taklah cun sangat, tapi boleh lah.So after a whirlwhid romance pegang-pegang tangan (and tah pegang apa-apa lagi) kat Day Centre tempat they all ni memadu asmara, they both decided to get serious, as in jumpa hari-hari, you datang rumah I, I datang rumah you..you kongkek I..I kongkek you that kind of arrangement. CDH semakin bahagia and kuranglah sikit challenging nature nya and for her accomplishment, I decided to closed her case last year.

When I spoke to her the other day, I reminded her that I'm no longer her caseworker and dia kenalah jumpa Duty Caseworker kat area dia.Tapi CDH kata dia nak cakap dengan I jugak sampai nangis-nangis dalam phone.Boss I kata, okaylah Makji, kalau you nak jumpa dia but make sure you report kat Duty Caseworker area tempat dia tinggal.

I told CDH yang I ada kat Dorset masa tu tapi I akan balik London for the weekend and dia bolehlah datang jumpa I kat opis besar.

See, from desperate woman to now desperate hoswipe.Masalah CDH sekarang is that she feel very distressed about her partner's sexual rejections.I wanted to transfer her case to a sexual therapist, but bila pikir balik, case dia ni bukannya case sexual tapi case emotional maka nak tak nak, kenalah aku dengar cerita nya.

Masalah CDH is way too common even to people who function normally.In your mind, it's perfectly alright for you to refuse sex whenever you're tired, stressed or have a headache.We often expect our partner to be understanding.Satu dua kali..okaylah.Tapi kalau dah 2 minggu ke berbulan-bulannya sakit kepala la..penat lah...haiyooh! Haruslah mati kegersangan kan?

I have a friend who told me yang dia punyalah dress to kill..(ni I tak paham...I thought, apalah susah-susah nak dress to kill...bukan ke bila you went into a kill, it is much better tak ber dress langsung?) tapi laki dia boleh buat tak heran.Puaslah member tu catwalk lah..dogwalk lah..tup tup Pakcik nya pergi tengok bola sambil mengangkang. Obviously after a while, my friend ni mulalah pikir yang bukan-bukan...she put two and two together - and came up with 17: His laki is having an affair, he's addicted to internet porn or he is no longer attracted to her.It is as if, she want his dick to stand to attention whenever she command and if it's doesn't, she catastrophise. Inilah case nya dengan si CDH ni....

Why is sexual rejection usually so much more devastating to women than for men? And when it happens, what can you do about it?

I think what it is, men are far more accustomed to rejection.They become used to it from their earliest teenage approaches,so it's no big deal for them jantan and they bounce back very quickly.Or, kalau you reject dia...dia dengan sukatinya akan cari lain. Perempuan ni aje yang have to get comfortable with a man that they begin to take the risk of being the initiators, finding that their forward gestures are gratefully received.But when his customary eagerness disappears, we woman begins to get a dose of our own medicine.

Unless if we are rule by our bottom head...sex can be affected by macam-macam hal.I am no expert however there's a type of people who have their head rule their body.

That's what I told CDH.I am only hoping that pakwe nya tu takde awek lain but is just having a bad day. I can't fix her problem but all I can do is to calm her down.

Men generally are more direct with their partners dalam hal ehwal macam ni.They can either tell you verbally that you are no longer mencapai kelulusan SIRIM in bed with him or he will tell you indirectly by berkawin lain dengan pompuan yang umur sama dengan Mak Kucing.We women, boleh kira dengan tangan lah siapa yang brutal boleh cakap direct kat laki...while the rest memendam rasa lah sampai ke tua..hoping that si laki nya tu mati cepat and kalau getah dibadan masih banyak, boleh lah kawin lain.

For consolation, remind yourself that his ocassional lack of interest is probably nothing to do with you.Don't pressure him or grill him about what's wrong.Instead, gently and supportively help him to de stress, relax and rest.If you suspect that he is withdrawing because he is passively angry with you, initiate a non blaming conversation to air your differences.Keep your petulant streak well under control.

Kalau dia memang dah ada pompuan lain with you discovered bukti-bukti yang kukuh...maintain your dignity (walaupun ayaq mata berchuchuran) dengan meng offer sijantan puaka tu..you kawin lah dengan pompuan itu.Anak,rumah and kereta bagi pada I dan tell him that you tak rela dimadukan.But it is up to you lah...kalau bermadu pun takpe jugak.Janji handbag berat.

Sekian nasihat puaka dari saya.

Make Sense Of Your Problems

Lupa nak bagitahu..ish, macamlah ada orang yang bertanya pun....that we in this Department (where I am currently attached to) adalah sangatlah digalakkan membuat kerja-kerja community yang tak bergaji...seperti menjawab panggilan-panggilan kecemasan...I'm not sure if this service is available in Malaysia but in the UK, it is called 'Crisis Line'.

So, setelah beberapa purnama menipu dan mengelat kat supervisor 'Crisis Line' ni, I pun sebab dah takde alasang..nak kata busy kerja..nanti dia cakap..ohh..kata busy, tapi boleh pulak pergi annual leave sampai 28 hari...so I agreed to sit in for 5 hours voluntary work...dengan harapan..takdelah orang sewel yang akan menggangguku...

Tapi...ada 3 caller you.....

Sometimes you can get those with their own problems. Ada tu pulak...masalah orang lain..like their friends and family yang they all kononnnya nak tolong selesaikan...or something of others that is affecting them direct and indirectly. Yang nak I umpat bukannya masaalah they all tu..but I sometimes wonder..betul kah yang tukang tanya tu tanya untuk orang lain or sebenarnya malu nak ngaku diri sendiri yang huru hara?

Problems is everywhere..dalam sokabar la..dalam telephone la..dalam radio laa..dalam TV laa....

I don't know how to explain to you this but i usually know what genuine and what's made up.

Ada orang problemnya..her friend is a constant dieters who always talks about what she's going to eat, or can't eat everytime they go out. Her friend ni will point out that she (the caller) is eating something calorific.Satu dua kali takpe..but after that it gets on her nerves. She said that her friend was anorexic in the past and now and then if dia terlebih makan, she will diets freciously. The caller ni kononnnya can't be bothered with any diets and find her friend's obsession is annoying.Tapi demi nak jaga hati kawan, she don't want to make a light of it yang si kawannya ni has a problem.

I don't know about you..but I really (maybe envy) hate orang yang bangsa takut makan ni...if you have a valid reason like takut makan ni pasal allergy or any health complexity like makan kambing then kena heart attack, then is bearable.Eating is a way of bonding...apart from exercise yang lain-lain...the casualty is you put on a bit (and more bit) of weight but uncounsciously, if you agree to go makan-makan, does that not tell you that you sebenarnya nak melantak? I must admit, I am one of this anti-social malu tapi mau pelantak.Orang ajak makan..I jawab..alaa..aku dah debab la...tapi pastu..hey, tolong masak nasik lemak.Apo makno eh tu?

It is very unfortunate that you have to keep your opinion to yourself doing this job...and so, I was careful supporting her plight...

It is obvious that si pemasaalah (the caller or her friend) is worried about the weight gain and the reaction is to seek assurance from the other person and that she is right to be concerned.You hide your true feelings and appear to take her problem seriously.Of course, your apparent concern reassures her and makes her feel justified in bringing up the subject.

My advice would be...kalau sipengomplen makes an anxious comment about food, act as if you don't hear her. You could say something like...there is so many interesting things to talk about...

If you wish to be totally direct, you could tell her that food-related conversations aren't really for you and would you please talk about something else?

You must remember...the person we find hard to convince is ourself.Being vain is okay...tapi kalau sampai takde benda lain yang nak diobses...tu gilo namo eh...

Another common problem you heard is that your partner says he/she doesn't want children. If a lady called, she will say it is her pakwe..vice versa.But you really don't know siapa sebenarnya yang tak nak beranak ni...

Macam ni lah...assess your relationship....how long have you been with your current partner and how old are you now? Kalau baru kawan/kawin and tetiba broody, you really wnat to think that having a child is not a small thing.You're still young...baru dua puluhan.Not many men or women are ready to be tied down with kids.Commitment with each other pun kira pengorbanan besar..ni nak berkorban lagi untuk anak.Talk to your partner nicely if you're not ready and that you still have time.

Tapi kalau dah kawan/kawin bertahun and umur dah dekat tarikh luput for producing...maybe it is best to give your partner an ultimatum.Nak tunggu apa lagi? He/she know what a baby is...if he/she not sharing your dream and enthusiasm and not even willing to compromise, carilah yang lain.Habis cerita, kan?

Para-para parents pulak, problem nya..is it okay to have a favourite child? From what I think, it is totally normal to find some people including children,easier to get along with than others,although such preferences may change with time. When we talk about interpersonal attraction, it's intresting that likes do not generally attract likes. We tend to prefer people with temperaments complementary to our own rather than the same as our own.At the same time we gravitate towards people whose values and outlook are more like our own.We tend to dislike those with personality traits that we wish we could change in ourselves.

If you're willing to- and d0-make sacrifices for and extend yourself for the good of your children and show that you love them both.I think (not that I'm a parent or an expert) it is best to treat this matter lightly.Let your children choose which of you they want to be with whenever possible.Remember, if you're finding one of them difficult, he or she probably feels the same way about you. You musn't worry if this is the case. Child may not favour you as much as their father or mother, but they do love you the same,only they will find it easier to express their feelings to the other one.

I know.

Note To You...and To Self

I arrived London yesterday and back in the office today. I don't suffer from the jetlag although I did got up at my normal waking up in KL..1pm. Hehehe...

Mana yang tak sempat ditelefoni...I can only menyusun sepuluh jari...

Mana yang tak sempat nak jumpa...pun sama juga, although I would like to say that it is only normal for me to respond to those who has approached...I ni pemaliewww orang nya. So mana yang terasa dan menyangkakan yang I ni Diva Divana gila...memang I Diva Divana gila pun...and I can only mix with the alike. Ceh...

I'm sure those who live far from the love ones who only jumpa mak bapak setahun sekali (kalau kaya) familiar with the uncertainty feelings.Especially bila dah dekat-dekat hari nak balik tu.

It was equally hard for me too. Kadang-kadang kita tak tahu..maybe ni lah last time kita dapat jumpa orang2 ni...

I was having a quite difficult time 'gelling' with my father this time and instead of playing along the rule of thumb like my other siblings...I displayed my kekerasan hati with no indication to back down.

I don't know why I did it...but I suspect, it is the only way for me not to get over attached!!!

Father however mellowed...(terbalik betul) and I really did enjoy my holiday finale moment walaupun aku tak petah berkata-kata dek kerna mulut ku yang bengkak macam tembikai ittew.

Like before...penyu menangis takde orang nampak...menangis kat dalam taxi..kat boarding hall...on the flight back.

One person said...'Makji, you duduk far-far away is entirely your choice and within your control, so kalau tiba-tiba you rasa emosi...you kena ingatlah ini pilihan you, bukannya orang lain.Harap-harap you tahulah apa yang you buat'....

Ish....panas hati jugak I baca this comment but in the end, you really have to surrender to the fact that orang can bercakap ikut sedap hati.

On the whole, it may look like this is the choice that I made freewillingly...but if we trode further, although is a choice, it remain a few choices you had to choose hoping that it will work out.

Ikut hati boleh mati....tak ikut hati pun...boleh mati merana juga...we can never know what is in store.

You marry someone you love hoping that it will be the best ever decision you have made and never to dream about him nak menyundal dengan orang lain ditengah hari...you will then left with a decision...should you carry on? Anak dah 2,3...they need a father/mother.You are nervous thinking about how well will you cope alone.Apa orang kata? We sometimes think too much.If marriage failed because of your partner pergi ber gewe pulak dengan tah sapa-sapa sundal malam...you will be anxious pulak dengan potensi-potensi komen puaka like...'mana tak nya si laki/bini cari orang lain..kau tengok lah dia nya pun...'.

You will then be so,so nervous about other women who will now think that you are available to sambar their laki now that you dah kena tinggal...and that you're desperate for their laki 'alat picagari'.

The thought of readjusting your life from the usual boring but bearable to something so uncertain you can't imagine is equally nervewrecking too.

So what can we do with our choices yang berlambak-lambak tu?

Kita pun tak tau kan?

I have read about people not getting along with their parents and talk openly about their feelings only to be met with comments like...'alah, you ada 2 aje parents masih hidup, cuba-cubalah bersyukur and menghargai sementara orang tu masih ada' or something like ' you ni anak tak mengenang budi..kalaulah parents you jahat sangat, you tak kan besar jadi orang'..bla..bla..bla..

But how do we know that they haven't tried? Relationships with parents can be difficult and ye lah, orang tu mungkin tak kan hidup lama tapi berbaloi ke bergaduh dan menyeksa hati demi menurutkan apa orang mintak?

Nobody wants a bad relationship. Sometimes things are not easy as it seems.You really got to find a way that works.And only you know what works...not those yang hanya tahu membukak mulut macam dialah yang tahu semuanya...

And I don't have a point. I only want your empathy.