New Year's Edge

This is my 360th post. For someone who write crap stuff, dah le tak de makna dan juga membanyak kan dosa sesiapa yang membaca, 360 post in space of 17 months kiranya boleh la I apply jadik stringer Sun Newspaper...yang berita-berita nya semua mengarut tu, but still, semua orang suka baca The Sun...sebabnya bila bukak aje page 3, maka melambak keluar buah susu yang kebanyakannya hanya plastik yang dipam-pam.

Sebagai wanita yang gigih (plus memang banyak kerja) I will be welcoming the new year from my opis...dikelilingi fail-fail, ubat-ubatan dan cekelat hadiah hari Xmas. Here I am feeling so blessed that I am away from the New Year crowd yang sebelum pergi party lagi dah setengah mabuk.I have JT and Kak katak TKC texting me (puaka tau Miss Nigeria, dipergi baginya nomor talipun ku kat Kak Katak itu...haruslah aku tukar ringing tone nya kepada Crazy Frog kan?) dengan ucapan-ucapan brengsek 'Your New Year is cooler than ours, you'll be drowned in Central London craziness' and 'Selamat Tahun Baru...Misti you celebrate gila dengan kawan-kawan u, tak apalah..asalkan my sayang is wif me..I'm the happiest woman'. What can I say...sukati kau lah. Ye lah, orang ada laki, flaunt lah kan..besok kalau dah tak berlaki barulah merasa dok diam-diam macam I ni.Nak marah kang, dikata dek orang I ni jealous. Alaaa...Makji tu bukan apa...jealous pasal dia takde laki. Ye la...apa aje lah.

Kak Katak visited me at my work place today. She have been leaving messages since last week, nak jumpa I. Miss Nigeria sums up that she actually wanted to see me as she keep on politely refusing Miss Nigeria's help. Okay lah...MB1 pesan kat I, you janganlah sesombong sangat dengan orang. Because the office is free with all the in patient semuanya dah gi balik ber Xmas & ber New Year, I asked her to come and see me today. Macam biasa, she asks questions and aku macam budak MRSM yang pintar, jawab la memana yang patut.

After a while, I feel like we are in a session where she talk and I listen. Her soalan become so panjang and unended. It is become clear that that she is projecting her frustration with her work, with her employer and what do you know, her life. Very interesting. I have to tell her that it is good that I listen because there is nothing to answer and suddenly Kak Katak become the real Katak...yakni bongkak and jobo (for you who don't know, JoBo is a word originated from N9 meaning kekwat)

Katak tu macam marah la konon nya, bila I told her, I feel that it is difficult for you to understand what you're doing now because your heart are not in it. She answered..dengar ni..'Of course I'm bloody interested, I'm doing the PHD'. Terperanjat Makji dengar word 'bloody' tu, very English manners kan?

You can still do something, without being whole hearted

Like what exactly?

Working, being married, being a mother

Just because I don't look after my child doesn't mean that I'm halfhearted mother (apsal yek, dia terasa?)

Why do you think that? I am only stating an example of doing things not wholeheartedly

And what made you think that people are not committed being a mother?

Because no one can. We tend to yearn after something else when we put our mind into one thing

You don't know for sure, no offend but you're not a mother yet, you can't know how mother feel (yelah..ni jelah yang aku dapat bila cakap bab-bab baby ni...ko tak paham nyah..ko takde anak..ceh!!)

Are we now talking about you and your role as a mother?

Katak diam. I pun diam. But I look straight into her eyes. My good god, why on earth are she being so defensive.

Macam ni lah...I don't know what you're going through but I do know, it is hard and for that, maybe,you're unconsciously unhappy

I am no where near emotional breakdown

I tak cakap you ada breakdown, I'm suggesting that you're quite unhappy and maybe you didn't realise

You like analysing people do you? (motip ko tukar tajuk Kak oii?)

You mean my work? I don't analyse people just people...people you see in here are emotionally damaged. We are paid to protect them and by that,I sometimes analysed behaviour because that is what I do and I do that for a reason, to safeguard their sanity. I'm sorry you feel that way.You feel that I'm intruding your emotional privacy. But you must know that emotional privacy can only be intrude if you allow it to be intruded.

Contoh? (hek eleh..nak contoh-contoh lak....)

When someone is unhappy, when he or she is emotionally unguarded, without them knowing will inadvertantly reacting the unusual way not normal to others.Ala..macam orang kalau hari-hari pok pek..tetiba satu hari diam macam batu, tak ke terperanjat orang sekeliling?

Am I over reacting? (apa!!!! awak kata saya over acting??? ala-ala Ogy kan)

I don't know. Do you think you're over reacting?

Maybe a little bit today. I ni penyabar orang nya (ye la nyehhh)

It is good that you react like that because you are aware that you're uncomfortable.

What do you mean?

I mean what I said.

I tak paham.

Well, you will. Have a thought. This is normal. We will react when it strike us unhappy or happy even. What you can't do is to deny how you feel.

I hate to say this, but you're wrong. There's nothing uncomfortable in my life at the moment.

Good for you.

*** Nothing uncomfortable ye? Yang tetiba panas tu...tetiba kata I critisise her as her mother too apa ke benda nya?****

Disebabkan I dapat banyak cekelat Xmas present (macam celaka kan aku, recycle hadiah kiranya) I bagilah Kak Katak ni sekotak celebration cekelat tu. I accompany her to Twickenham Station and tiba-tiba, Kak Katak said...'You tak put off kan hari ni? Can we still work together?

I don't know.

Happy New Year