Blueprint

Because I work actively in the 'Challenging Behaviour Unit', we have what we here call 'catharsis method' yang serupa macam counselling session tapi dikhaskan untuk orang-orang yang berperangai buruk aje.While we think that this method may only be suitable kepada yang mengalami masalah mental yang teruk (disebabkan oleh ketidak seimbangan kimia dalam badan) and the one with learning difficulties (isk..tak baik tau orang kita panggil cacat otak), you will be surprise to know that most of the people who access this service are the normal cohabiting couple.

I met this lady today from KL. She is here for her PHD. Sebaya I dia ni and ehemm..ehem..ehem..budak TKC. She is now doing some research dengan my organisation and tah macam mana, my boss yang mulutnya mengalahkan loudspeaker Victoria Station tu gi bagitau dia yang she maybe like to meet someone who is from Malaysia as well (Makji le, you all..sapa lagi) Mak oii, dalam pada kita ni nak low profile, my boss pulak macam orang jakun ingat that we Malaysian should meet and get together gitu...haiyah..boss, ramailah orang Malaysia kat sini..tak jumpa pun takpe (boleh tak statement ni?)

Sebab Kakak ni macam berminat nak tahu pasal psychology in treating challenging behaviour ni, maka I pun tunjukkan lah kat dia case-case study and case case benar yang ada dalam unit ni and what are our care management plan. See DBI, I rasa macam pandai sungguh hari ni maklumlah budak MRSM kan dikira budak Class C, so bila Makji Esah dapat mendidik and menayang pandai kat budak TKC, rasa kaki tak jejak bumi sungguh. So si Kakak ni pun macam impress gila babi and habis I ni dipersembahkan dengan segala puji-pujian ala-ala Raihan gitu.

So bila dia mintak pendapat I in what way is this technique will be conducive to communication between human, I pun cakaplah kat dia, pergilah buat proposal kat Jabatan Agama Islam and implement this for the purpose of marriage resuscitation. Kakak cakap 'what do you mean by that?'

I told her that although the health services are using this method to communicate with those with no cognitive ability to understand almost anything, the fact that we must not deny that human without complex needs macam kita ni pun, kenkadang berchallenging behaviour jugak. We know about so many couple that can't communicate because one party just refuse to listen. Married couple can sometime don't know how to approach each other. They talked to people they're not suppose to about their problems.

Couple consciously think that they are trapped in each other space and therefore any conflict be it minor or major will feel worse than it really is in reality. Malay divorce in majority ended very bad, some with bermusuh forever. They were offered counselling but in all honesty, you can't offer a peace talk with someone who is by choice wanted to kill each other.

JT told me that he and his wife was invited for a counselling in the Jabatan Agama. Because I have never been in one, I do not know what sort of advise they offer. I think, if your marriage can no longer work because of the clash of personality and intention, you best get out of it while you can. Don't live a lie. According to JT they both were made to realise the dosa of meruntuhkan mesjid bla..bla..bla. When my best friend was filing for her divorce years ago, she got the same nasihat as well. I was told that the couple that was invited to counselling mostly can't and don't even want to look at each other in the eye.

The idea of calling the couple together is bad. Maybe one of each can go for counselling if needed to. Propose to them separately to meet again and talk together in the presence of a neutral person. On top of that, we just have to resign to the fact that some people are just happy to retreats into their individual corner and run away from their problems.

While Kakak is so eager to make a difference to her Jabatan bila dia balik Malaysia nanti dengan kemahiran berkomunikasi nya, I calmly told her that, she must agree that relationship between human will only improve when they start to appreciate each other communication style and if not all, meet each other halfway.

I had lunch with Kakak and I secretly think that she, being a scholar that she is, disagree with me. Maklum lah, saya kan takde Master...apatah lagi PHD.

And that is why, I still hate doing relationship counselling.