About Me

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Blueprint

Because I work actively in the 'Challenging Behaviour Unit', we have what we here call 'catharsis method' yang serupa macam counselling session tapi dikhaskan untuk orang-orang yang berperangai buruk aje.While we think that this method may only be suitable kepada yang mengalami masalah mental yang teruk (disebabkan oleh ketidak seimbangan kimia dalam badan) and the one with learning difficulties (isk..tak baik tau orang kita panggil cacat otak), you will be surprise to know that most of the people who access this service are the normal cohabiting couple.

I met this lady today from KL. She is here for her PHD. Sebaya I dia ni and ehemm..ehem..ehem..budak TKC. She is now doing some research dengan my organisation and tah macam mana, my boss yang mulutnya mengalahkan loudspeaker Victoria Station tu gi bagitau dia yang she maybe like to meet someone who is from Malaysia as well (Makji le, you all..sapa lagi) Mak oii, dalam pada kita ni nak low profile, my boss pulak macam orang jakun ingat that we Malaysian should meet and get together gitu...haiyah..boss, ramailah orang Malaysia kat sini..tak jumpa pun takpe (boleh tak statement ni?)

Sebab Kakak ni macam berminat nak tahu pasal psychology in treating challenging behaviour ni, maka I pun tunjukkan lah kat dia case-case study and case case benar yang ada dalam unit ni and what are our care management plan. See DBI, I rasa macam pandai sungguh hari ni maklumlah budak MRSM kan dikira budak Class C, so bila Makji Esah dapat mendidik and menayang pandai kat budak TKC, rasa kaki tak jejak bumi sungguh. So si Kakak ni pun macam impress gila babi and habis I ni dipersembahkan dengan segala puji-pujian ala-ala Raihan gitu.

So bila dia mintak pendapat I in what way is this technique will be conducive to communication between human, I pun cakaplah kat dia, pergilah buat proposal kat Jabatan Agama Islam and implement this for the purpose of marriage resuscitation. Kakak cakap 'what do you mean by that?'

I told her that although the health services are using this method to communicate with those with no cognitive ability to understand almost anything, the fact that we must not deny that human without complex needs macam kita ni pun, kenkadang berchallenging behaviour jugak. We know about so many couple that can't communicate because one party just refuse to listen. Married couple can sometime don't know how to approach each other. They talked to people they're not suppose to about their problems.

Couple consciously think that they are trapped in each other space and therefore any conflict be it minor or major will feel worse than it really is in reality. Malay divorce in majority ended very bad, some with bermusuh forever. They were offered counselling but in all honesty, you can't offer a peace talk with someone who is by choice wanted to kill each other.

JT told me that he and his wife was invited for a counselling in the Jabatan Agama. Because I have never been in one, I do not know what sort of advise they offer. I think, if your marriage can no longer work because of the clash of personality and intention, you best get out of it while you can. Don't live a lie. According to JT they both were made to realise the dosa of meruntuhkan mesjid bla..bla..bla. When my best friend was filing for her divorce years ago, she got the same nasihat as well. I was told that the couple that was invited to counselling mostly can't and don't even want to look at each other in the eye.

The idea of calling the couple together is bad. Maybe one of each can go for counselling if needed to. Propose to them separately to meet again and talk together in the presence of a neutral person. On top of that, we just have to resign to the fact that some people are just happy to retreats into their individual corner and run away from their problems.

While Kakak is so eager to make a difference to her Jabatan bila dia balik Malaysia nanti dengan kemahiran berkomunikasi nya, I calmly told her that, she must agree that relationship between human will only improve when they start to appreciate each other communication style and if not all, meet each other halfway.

I had lunch with Kakak and I secretly think that she, being a scholar that she is, disagree with me. Maklum lah, saya kan takde Master...apatah lagi PHD.

And that is why, I still hate doing relationship counselling.

14 comments:

the ectopy said...

memang pandai! i sukeee

Lee Novotny said...

Sebab ittewlah CERAI dihalalkan dalam Islam walaupun bakal menggegarkan Arasy Allah. TAPI dengan sebab ittew jugaklah jgn dok memandai mandai nak kawin tapi tanggungjawab tak gheti... tahu nak main jah kot???

Sujudssssss...kakak pingat hasad dengki pun voley tabik spring sama lu...wa cayalah sama lu! :P

Goddess Selene said...

Merata2 hakak2 TKC kann? Klw perangai dah mcm bebudak kat TKC tuh mau tak cerai berai?? *Oppsss matila charot skolah org!! LARIIIIIKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!

Hjh Esah Jolie said...

Thank you..Ectopy

Hamboii Jah Leemah, terasa Makji yg pandai kawin tapi tak pandai jaga rumahtangga ni...

Makji Eton,harus nangis lah budak TKC yang majority nya jobo dan kuat tido kat office tu.

bini mokhtar said...

hiks mak ingat mak sorang je yg duk caruts budak2 TKC selama ni. mak sokaaa!

thanks for the advice makji, esp mixed marriage nih, mencabar sunggoh!

Manal said...

I think niat pakcik2 (or maybe makcik2) marital councelling tu prefer they stay married and were anticipating things like: "terima kasih ustaz/ustazah/tuan/puan kerana kami sedar kami masih mencintai antara satu sama lain dan kami akan cuba untuk mengekalkan perkahwinan kami". And then see the wife comtangan laki dia kua ayaq mata berkoyan2 and laki dia comdahi the wife sambil kesat2 ayaq mata ala2...

Makji, Kakak tu wajib acknowledge u in her PhD case studies if she larat continue being your "apprentice".

DBI said...

budak beseri pun gong jugak tau...maklumlah masa zaman tu the best MRSM kaedahnyer..

*gong= sombong ya amat..

Hjh Esah Jolie said...

Bini M, (wah..cam boney M kan?) Mung pung dok skerr budak TKC ke? Haah..jobo semacam kan?

Manal...comtangan & comdahi je ke ultimate goal nya? Apsal tak consummate aje depan ustaz/ustazah tu..pastu jerit laa KAMI BAHAGIA!!!! Very plastik kan?

Doc..sapa budak Beseri yang GONG tu? Tapikan..ada budak MRSM Beseri batch 6 yg fail add math tau..

[danial][ma] said...

hej! you do not need PhD anymore because you already like her supervisor, giving advice...so can call you Dr. Hjh. Esah...

captainlukman said...

kannnnnnnnnn ishhhhhhhh kalaulah mokji n kelas C, ambe ni tak dok kelas langsung nok......kannnnnnn,tapi camana kalau only partner sorang lagi tuh asyik nak menanggggggggg je.

DBI said...

saper yg fail add math ittew????..yng gong tu set set senior u 3-4 tahun..

elviza said...

Aduh saket perut akak baca comment2 kat blog ko nih Esah.

By the way DBI, masa batch I budak MRSM Tepeng yang GONG teramat. Konon creame of the creme lah kan... tak tau dia tuh class C. Hahaahahahahahahaha! Kutuk MRSM??? Larikkkkkkkkk.... hahahahaahahah.

Thanks for the good laugh Esah. By the way, sejuk tak sekang kat sana???? Padan mukkkkaaaaa.... mesti keras telinga dan hidung saket nak bernafas kan kan kan?

Typhoon Sue said...

Dari budak SBP Kelas B kepada budak SBP Kelas C (saja je nak tayang kat u.. hehe):

bebudak TKC atau KTK semuanya hanyalah katak2 yg mengglorifykan diri mereka semata2. Masa pi tournament dulu, everytime bebudak TKC pass by, kitaorg sumer cakap, "Ribbid!" or "Ong-ong!" or the like. Tensen bebudak tu nak layan puaka2 Kelas B yg tak bertamadun dan memanggil they all katak. hehe. miss the old days.

nowadays I'm friends with ex-TKCs and for the sake of the friendship, I have to minimise the ribbids I throw at them. leceh la.

ala, the counseling very rarely work la for married couples. kalau dah meluat tu, bukan senang2 nak lupakan everything. all the ustaz2 should learn to accept the fact that as much as it is berdosa tu meruntuhkan masjid, it is even more berdosa to lie to your spouse on a daily basis, which is what them couples would have to do if they stay on.

Hjh Esah Jolie said...

Danial, depa tu nak yang PHD original..I ni SRP pun tak pas...

Lukmang..mung kan ke mile high class..lagi kurlasstt taww

Doc, adalah sorang budak batch 6...cikgu siap announce..memalukan warga MRSM...so, dalam se gong-gong budak Beseri, adalah yang bangang sorang tu Doc

Kok Elviza..mu buke MRS'eng ko? Jange ghoyak lagu tu...
Sini sejuk sokmo..nok tubik pon tok seh...

Benerrrr katamu, Sue..ribbid ribbid...