About Me

Friday, December 21, 2007

Entry Mengarut Lepas Clubbing

I dread to think that I have made orang ini into a friends of Dorothy (female versions..kalau ada la) But if she is seriously considering, aku pun..apa lagi..kecik bakul Tesco...trolley 4 tayar ku persembahkan.

But her thoughts...her hormones talking (as she vehemently claimed) prompted me into thinking that there is a huge possibility that if you marry a wrong man or a ordinary man yang pada mula nya sebelum dapat, janji sungguh manis mengalahkan kuih taik itik (seriously, taik itik?) or 10 kilo gula but after a while, he is as good as biawak. Tapi, what good is biawak anyway? Selain daripada suka enterframe kat jalan-jalan kampung dan menakutkan orang-orang yang penakut cam aku ni, biawak jugalah khabarnya suka mencopet ayam-ayam ternakan orang kampung. I was told (tak tau lah benar ke idak) that the Indians eat biawak. If this true, bravo to you the great Indians...pupuskanlah biawak. Makan lah biawak. Mari kita hantar memorandum ke Perhilitan.Tak kuasa aku.But, do forgive my acid tongue if this is not true...I hate to think that I am capable of creating a racial disrespect here.

Listen..kalau nak dilayan macam Agung or at least macam Ketua Kampung...(kalau tak agung pun) look out for a gay man.Nescaya, compliments tak kan kurang, kau akan dilayan dengan penuh kasih sayang, although the disadvantage is that your laki will become the greatest critics (or nag) worst than your own mother and that be sure to share half of your perfume (and compact powder too). Of course, if you don't mind once in a while (or bebila perlu) your hubby pergi menghantar air kat jejantan murahan (matilaa aku kena belasah dengan gay man pasni) kat semak-semak tepi tasik kat Clapham Common ke, Hampstead apa ke nama tempat tu...or that tasik kat Cheras.

Kisah benar....my school friend, married a gay man. She knew it all along walaupun jantan ni tak ngaku. But her openmindness telah membuka kepala hotak jantan itu (not forgetting his trousers) supaya accepting himself as himself. In their 7 years marriage, she

1) Never had to resort to technique berkomunikasi secara telepathy bila inginkan hadiah hari jadi ke, hadiah anniversarry ke or apa-apa yang dia teringin nak makan. Her 'BangKak' (abangkakak) tahu aje bila nak menghiburkan hati bini nya without thinking that her bini meroyan ke or buang tebiat

2) Bila dia macam nak tumbang mengandung 6 bulan...her BangKak, denied her rights to travel to work on her own. She is no longer allowed to bawak kereta, bawak plastik bags and bawak handbag yang berat nya hanyalah 500 gm.Instead, her BangKak chaffeured her to work, supplied her with asam, Fillet O'Fish, cook breakfast and dinner and even dispatch lunch to her office. The only thing she ever do during her pregnancy is tukar baju, makan, berak and tidur aje. (Hish..rasa nak kawin lak dengan laki dia)

3) Bila dia macam nak mampos beranak...the aftermath of her labour was replace by a full package of expensive in house butler and spa treament. Her BangKak was at her side before and after, and takdelah nak pitam-pitam tengok darah or nak jadik camerman wannabe. Her BangKak held her all throughouts.After her ordeal, her BangKak calmly said...'Lepas ni, ikut you lah kalau you nak beranak lagi...tak sanggup I tengok you sakit macam tu'. Ohhh....

4) Of course, kalau dah dilayan cam ni..maka this lucky bitch (that what I call her) takde susah susah nak bela anak. She goes out whenever she wants to without having to think, siapalah nak babysit.

Meantime, using a reverse psychology on gay man usually works. She encouraged him to ber clubbing macam tak hengat donia (macam ada orang tu, yang malam raya haji, gi clubbing kat Leicester Sq, pastu tadi pagi kena tegur) ...and he rasa berdosa and he stayed at home being a lovely hubby. My friend also told me that they both sometimes check out the gay porn website and share a giggles and aspirations.

But, life is not perfect.And I truly believe that we have to respect and support each other and compromise. I don't think I can.Maybe a bit but not as much. Pasal tu la aku dok bergaduh aje sepanjang masa.

I wonder if any wives would suggest to their hubby

'Bang gi la clubbing' (walaupun hanya suggest-suggest ayam) and her hubby will dissapear macam kilat.

'Bang, saya relakan abang gi cari pompuan lain' (this is also to see how deep is the hubby love) and hubby, tanpa rasa bersalah terus google number telepon Nasha Aziz kan?

But Kiah, I am so flattered with your hint-hint.But we mustn't chew more than we can bite. Maafkan aku mematahkan hatimu (you have been warned kan?) but, if ever kau nak bagi notice 24 jam kat orang itu, contact lah aku ye?

What can I say, I'm just a very,very nice person!!!! (ayoyo)

7 comments:

captlukman said...

kannnnnnnnnn camana tuh? kalau dapat bini cam tuh, selamat lah aku, senanglah aku nak menjalankan aktivitu ittewww, inthesame time family pun ada**ops**..... maybe we have a sense of how girls feel.ye ke makji? mtahlah ana pun tataw......

Manal said...

Gadis desa yang dihormati,

Adakah saudari berpendapat bahawa mengahwini bangkak fonen ala2 ini lebih menguntungkan daripada laki kekar manly man? Sesungguhnya ini adalah berita gumbira buat azwana ali.

bini mokhtar said...

i penah suggest mokhtar pegi clubbing ok, tapi dia tanak pegi sorg2 nak bwk i jugak. hancus plan weols nak merayap dgn kawan2. hihi.

best okk kwn u dapat husband mcm tu! tskk.

Cik Kiah Kidman said...

Pi raa ko Esah! telah diriku ko goda dgn barangan mahal lagi sakti ittew, ko ghope2nya menabur janji manis lagi pelesu ye?

elviza said...

Okay Esah,

This is my take lah kan... (even if no one is asking! Sheesh!)

If my worse-half has to go to a club with his clients or just to watch football with his mates, I just say "okay"

No question. I figure kalau aku cakap "no" then I have to put up with the long face and bad moods. What is the point lah kan?

Besides, the only place you cannot commit adultery is the ceiling (to borrow Zorro's term), anywhere else you can.

So, I take it with a pinch of salt and cest la vie!

p/s: just in case, I keep the number of the best syariah lawyer in town and make a point to be really nice to him when i see him in court. Hahaahahaha (keji tak aku?)

the ectopy said...

bangkak ni sebenarnya gay ke bisexual?

Hjh Esah Jolie said...

Hehehe...merry kismes & kismis you all....