Siamang's Tale

Dear people, I must tell you that this is my 350th post. I really have to make a big deal out of this sebabnya, dalam kesibukan ku mengejar bus, mem blow dry rambut, bekerja, mengumpat or anything in my things to do list, I managed to wrestled 350 karangan yang takleh langsung dijadikan iktibar untuk umat Islam am nya or generasi muda/tua.Apatah lagi nak membimbing rakan sebaya.But nevertheless, I sungguh bangga dengan diri I sendiri. Although my contract stated my working hours is 37.5 hours weekly, yakni 7.5 hours daily, I hardly get off beyond 8 hours. Tu tak campur travelling, kena masuk secure unit and tengok CCTV, and bila dikira-kira, I have worked at least 10 days in a week dengan gaji yang sungguh chee put!!! While others may use anak or laki sebagai alasan tak nak update blog, I takde masa nak berak ni pun, sebolehnya cuba nak membuat post, walaupun adakalanya, post-post yang ku post (apa ayat ni?) sungguh tak memberi makna.

I agreed to tell of my writing relationship dengan siamang. Sekarang ni, we trade email on a regular basis, tapi yang betulnya, pakcik will reply to my mail secepat kilat. Kiah, might you wonder...adakah aku terlampau free or gatal kerna aku masih jugak nak menjejak kasih dengan dia. Takde kerja lain ke aku? But honestly, if this make sense, I feel that if I don't reply his email, one day I might regret for not doing so and I think, I am in a better frame of mind to be reconnected to him (adakah kerana anti depressant yang ku telan memalam tu?)

Like any other jilted lover, I really don't have expectation this time. He emailed, I answered.On my second email to him (bagi membalas 3 email nya...3 email dia, 1 email I...so takdelah nampak cam desperate kan?) I told him that I was in KL recently and saw him kat shopping complex pre war tu, Kiah. Of course, he is dissapointed pasal I tak tegur dia. Dah dekat macam tu.I told him that seeing him in the first place is not easy for me. Not easy as in, tak tergamak nak kupandang muka nya tu..bukan nya sebab nak parang dia ke apa) I remarked about his grey hair and his physique. He looks thin. (and sad)

Talking to him now is like talking to him years ago. We pussy foot around each other a lot. There's plenty things unsaid and terbuku dalam hati. My frustration with him years ago. My ex is very much like me. We don't tell each other the most important things. He may look like he didn't care but he did and I was the same. He is always a good writer and I will missed his letters more than him because he speaks with insight. In e-letters now, I can see how we started to tell things that we never said to each other. He speaks about his unsaid feelings and I tell him about the pain.

There is one email I didn't send because I was crying when I wrote it. I didn't realised after all this years that I am still emotional. Everything is vivid. I can feel my heart is broken.

He wants to speak to me. I told him that it is better not because after all these years, I have managed to leave him and placed him where he should be, my past. (and in my blog)

This time, Siamang only after my affirmation which I already confirmed. Masa mula-mula dia contact, aku macam sasau ingat dia nak menggatal kembali. I don't think it was his intention this time. He's sorry for the pain and he asked if there's ever anything he can do. Pelik pulak jantan ni...

Ada babi di sebalik kueh tiaw kah?