Platinum Blonde Siamang

I have a feeling that species siamang dinegara kita amat mudah dijangkiti penyakit amnesia. Well, people in a healthcare profession macam I ni, walaupun tak nak percaya bahawa penyakit-penyakit sebagini ujud, kita perlu memandang berat kepada sipembawa virus itu. People in my department selalunya akan disambut dengan report-report yang menyayat hati when we walked into office early morning. Si anu kata ada dia dengar voices yang camni, camni la, yang si anu lain pulak kata dia rasa kepala hotak dia dah terbalik la...macam-macam. We have got to keep an open mind about it. We rationalised things that seems irrational.

Siamang pada am nya, tah ye tah tidak...adalah sangat lemah antibodi nya. Most probably, energy yang ada dalam badan tu telah digunakan untuk menipu pompuan-pompuan suchee cam I ni (or macam Kiah?) or sesapa lagi yang pernah berpakwe-pakwe an dengan jantan yang pada awalnya, berjanji macam politician M.I.C (k.e.y.m.o.u.s.e.) and pastu bila dia rasa-rasa dirinya dah fed up, they will then become so deflated with thoughts, and later diserang amnesia and mulalah lupa kat kita ni.

I think my tablets helpes to relax my muscle (well, by saying this, I'm not prescribed with Diazepam or anything pam-pam okay?) I'm less self-critical.I've not seen F since we last parted on Tuesday. Ada jugak orang tu cuba hantar text, tell me not to be sad...but I think I'm done being sugar-talked.I meant what I said, I want to be alone.

I had anticipated my Siamang will berpusu-pusu membalas email yang kukarang untuknya semalam. Yes, he did. By the look of it, he replied almost immediately, you know laa..those people with incoming email beep.

Like usual, he will always talked himself out of it, how situation made him do stuff (oii..pakcik, bukan ke alasan tu Encik dah pernah pakai masa Encik bagi saya kad jemputan kawin Encik...Encik lupa ka?) Is there anyway to tell a man that you can't just get away dumping woman like that, and make it sounds like you have made a good decision for doing it, for the sake of both of us. Us? Kepala hotak lu!!! Plus...never dumped your ex tunang dalam kereta okay? Kalau nak break pun, gi la belanja KFC ke, nasik ayam ke dulu, pastu baru la cakap..eh, kita tak compatible ke hapa. We women always mengenang budi tau, sebab kalau perut dah kenyang so perasaan nak gi kapak kepala orang yang tukang cakap tu pun dah kurang. Men can always get away with dumping women right after a slap up meal and a shopping trip. We need a good news la...before giving us the chop. At least bila terkenang-kenang balik, boleh lah cakap..takpelah..dah takde jodoh..nasib baik dia belikan I handbag baru. Merasa aku dapat handbag LV ke...Chanel ka...Chelacca ke...

My siamang never changed. Although I might want to have sympathy over his predicament, I believe that he is sane/responsible enough to make that choice.What he must learn that when we make a choice, there is no guarantee that we are going to make a good one and there is always a risk. I believe him when he said that his feelings never change towards me.But...he already made his choice and pompuan bongkak like me, can't never comprehend being a second choice.Especially in my life, aku dah banyak kali jadi second choice...maklum lah, kan ke I ni anak nomor dua?

What irritates the hell out of me, is his selective amnesia.Betul takde psychology mamat ni. Do you know that, at any cost, we must not neglect people's past? Kalau you ada makwe or pakwe yang teruk kena abuse masa kecik, this is something that you have got to bear in mind and make you extra careful to deal with their emotions. We never know if people can ever recover from broken heart. It come and goes tau? He must know that I was an emotional wreck when we broke up (we, non!! he did) You remember that song...tersekat nafasku, kabur pandangan mata ku...amat terseksa diriku kerna kehilangan mu...that's how it feels. And trying to march back into your life and neglecting the fact that I was feeling 'Sudirman'...because of him and without even trying to understand, really, really upsets me.

I don't even want to be his friend. (Ehhh..cakap dalam hati aje...tapi bawah masih gatal kan Kiah?, Yang gatal gi hantar email tu bakpo? Sendiri jugak yang merana) But look at the brighter side, it's true that leopard will never change its spot...and Siamang, tetap tidak akan berbulu platinum blonde.

Happy weekend you all. Happy freezing wekend.