About Me

Monday, November 05, 2007

Don't Read

You be surprise to know that there are some people who get their kicks by ruining someone’s day. I so believe that this is true. I have been having difficulties at work since I returned from my break (trust me, I wish it was longer) I don’t know why I become over sensitive lately ni and not wanting to blame it on the moon or more precisely my menstruation cycle, but this shitty feelings is generated from someone who can’t stand seeing other people ‘normal’.

Nak kata counter-transference (the psychological term people at work use if you carrying a burden of someone else’s shit eh? betul ke ni? something like if you pinch your right thigh, tah macam mana the left boleh terjangkit sakit nya...macam tu lah, if I'm not mistaken) it sounds like it. One of my special friends was recently impregnated during their limau Bali fuelled night of passion. By the sound of it, kedua-dua pesalah itu macam dalam denial tapi nak buat macam mana kan? It is so difficult to say no to the tupai and with the ‘L’ licence (Laki), maka tupai-tupai bebas menebuk lubang keatas kelapa-kelapa mereka. Susah betul, tak dibagi, dikata derhaka pulak kan?

Ada sorang lagi pulak tu, kena kapur bila gi gunting rambut. What’s with the timing lately ni? I’m not saying that this tupai or bloody hairdresser really set out to upset; it is just bad timing where every little mistake can erupt cam cirit-birit like chronic dysenteries. Sial kan? Nevertheless, to whom with extra baggage, what else can I wish for you but a smooth pregnancy and Bella, kau bomb ajelah kedai tu. Pueh hati.

I get easily irritable lately ni. Big chunk of it is due to some PS** at work yang tengah datang bulan gila and really kerjanya semenjak Jumaat lepas is to menyakitkan hati aku. I must say that majority of the next of kin to a PS** is doubly sewel than the affected one. For so long I have learn not to take things too personal with my patient and of course, we have our day’s yang macam sial, macam gula-gula and macam kopi tawar.

Things that I hated the most is when the bosses decided to side with the sewel’s and dengan tak ada etika dan moral nya, face you off to your patients. And you are now left with feeling so worthless, just because the patients are the clients.

Today, my boss si TDM decided to pour the hard dettol on my 5 inches wound (drama...drama...) by sending me an email, with copies to big bosses listing out the complaints made by the Sewels against my service and questioned my ability to give out treatment. I was shocked and stressed and until now, 12 hours later after I opened that damned email, I still can’t do anything but to stare at my computer screen.

I feel like to cry and I must tell you that I am not the sort of person who easily cry unless if I am hurt. I think I did cry dalam hati and nak terlepas jugak sikit-sikit when I told my partner. Out of anger and frustration, I replied TDM’s email. I answered all her questions and on the comments of my competency, I just wrote,

‘As for that comment, as a trained and qualified XXXXXXXX, I am confident of my own ability to manage the crisis situation, however if my non-panicky response in that situation suggest to them that I am incapable of attending to the patient crisis, I wish not to comment further but to ask you and the management to supervise me’.

After this email was sent, I took time to analyse my own state of mind and my inability to keep myself behind the wall of professionalism. I read my email out to my partner, who remains my best advisor. We agreed that it was emotional and rather confrontational. For hours I was agonising if I should apologise to TDM, but if I do that, they will never know how upset I have been over this.

TDM called few hours ago, just to check on me and to explain herself. I told her that I am upset with her for not backing me up and how she chose to take side with the sewels and by doing so, undermining my credibility (the only thing that I have at work) Do I feel much better after speaking to her? I am an inch close to ask for to be demoted voluntarily.That bad. This may be a small matter at the end of the day, but sometimes damped match stick can light the biggest flame.

**PS -Paranoid Schidzophrenia


Goddess Selene said...

Makji Esah, sabar je la uols.. you just had one of those day yg mmg mcm lap kaki.. Harap2 everything cleared after speaking to TDM.

P/s: Ewah2, since when Frankie jd ur best advisor? Seems like you both getting alright together now.. :P

lekiu said...

Hang in there Han, I am sure you are made of sterner stuff than that. You will definately whether the storm.

Manal said...

hmm...nice reverse phychology u did with that entry title up there...i went on and on reading it and makji, I think u did the right thing of not succumbing to such a sewel situation.

Asking them to supervise u is already an indirect challenge telling them that if they doubt ur level of competency, they are welcome to come and assess your capabilities hands on! Bring it on, grandma!

Cant they understand who u r dealing with or is this just some sort of a policy/work ethic issue? some PS patient with a chronic PS is already a huge indication without any need to spell it out. Lets hope and pray that such a psycho-driven matter will dissolve soon.

PS: JT ape citer?
PS2: kaki ur advisor tu dah baik?

l!z$$ @)--- said...

dear kak hjh,
kitak sabar byk2 k..

Hjh Esah Jolie said...

Makji Eton, TDM tu takut I resign...and then akan sue pulak the organisation pasal emotional torture, hah baru dia rasa, sedaaaap aje hantar email gertak2 I...si Tua tu mmg lah dari dulu penasihat kamek.Tapi bergaduh itu satu kemestian.Hehehe..thanks nok.

LeQ, my office was gravityless yesterday....and I am floating in it.The stress is enough to change me into 4 yrs old girl that needs to run into a father's arms.Nevertheless, thanks.

Manal, ni la yg susah nya bila element business dicampur dgn responsibility. When money talks, work ethic jatuh dlm longkang.JT? God save him from me, kalau tak, dgn dia-dia aku maki.Sipatah kaki tu masih in resting period for the next 4 weeks sebelum tissue nya jadi kuat.Thanks for asking.

Lizs...kamek lagi stress, sik ada barang makan nyaman-nyaman disitok.Waaaaaa!!!!

Belladonna said...

Esah, aku hantar stink bomb kat kedai gunting rambut pokemon tu and apa kata ko tuang detol barang secamca dua dalam kopi si TDM?

Lee Novotny said...

At least F kan still help you with this stressful time at work,.... nanpaknya she udnerstands and helped which is more than good.... baguslah!

yang fasal tebuk tebuk kelapa tuh mak dinch faham.. limau bali passion? apakah ittew?? lemang Raya passion amk fahamlah! :P

Hjh Esah Jolie said...

Apa kata aku jamu dia biskut kangkang, baru syiok kan? harus dia bagi appraisal naik gaji 4 x setahun, kan Bella? Ey..cantik rambut..

Siapalagi yg patut menolong bila I dalam kesusahan kalau tak dia kan? Dinch faham pasal kes tupai tebuk kelapa tu? Alaa..ni masalah rumahtangga lah ni.Tak lama lagi you all paham la, mak Leemah Ram oiii..

Izuan Kunang-Kunang said...

Sabaq naa Mak Esah...kalau dah namanya boss kan...what else they can do better instead of put the blame on pekerja dia kan?? aku nih kalau ikut kan hati aku yg panas nih..dah lama dah aku bakar tempat kerja aku tuh....aku rasa aku kena jumpa kau la for counseling..hiks =p