About Me

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Yes, We Should Talk

Hari ni I terasa sangat macam Kak Nam yang telah memberi training free kat Kiah menderhaka kat lakinya. I dok terpikir..they already have two kids, and Kiah pulak bukannya type ibu mithali dan most time mengharap laki...buatnya tetiba laki nya kata..okaylah..I pun had enough..tak ke I menjadi penyebab Kiah naik turun mahkamah syariah???

But, I am a strong believer of 'kalau niat kita betul, terpulanglah orang nak ambik/terima macam mana'.

Hidup dinegara orang juga telah mengexpose kan I kepada budaya perkahwinan orang juga. Ada yang boleh ikut, ada yang...kalau nak ikut, tu you kena tanggung sendiri lah ye.

Masa I kawan dengan orang Melayu...dengan dia I banyak simpan dalam hati. Tu belum jadik laki lagi tu...agaknya, kalau sempat lah jadi laki..mau I akan menyimpan hati sampai boleh mati dan membuat dosa mengumpat dia dalam blog or dengan kawan-kawan.

Then I bila I dengan omputih tu, tak habis-habis pulak dia suruh I bercakap.It is so not easy to open up, especially around the topic we ourselves not comfortable talking about.What we realised is that bercakap pasal ketidak puasan hati kita terhadap orang adalah amat mudah dibelakang orang itu. Didepan mereka? Often we say, kita tak nak mengecikkan hati orang...but honestly, hati siapakah sebenarnya yang kita tak nak kecik kan?

My life with F was completely separate from each other when we are still together. I do my own thing.Sometimes, I ikut lah dia jumpa family nya, but I was always given a choice to and not to. F demand for togetherness often suffocates me. In a way, its good because its healthy that couple do most things together. Of course I got confronted a lot, ada yang terkena batang hidung juga...but lesson learnt is that, when we talk, it is about us.

In our almost 10 years together, I never confronted F. We are talking me planning apa benda nak ku bambu dia habis-habisan.Tak pernah. Kalau ada pun, its all came out during ocassional bicker yang melarat-larat sampai hal 14 tahun lepas pun keluar.Not healthy..pasalnya..kalau kita dok pendam, orang yang buat salah tu akan gunakan alasan dia tak hengat. Familar tak Kiah..and bila dah terlampau lama, mudah betul dia buat alasan untuk get out of that situation.

Dengan orang ni...I mean in general, baik laki,bini bf and gf...janganlah harap mereka tu nak berubah mengikut apa yang you nak..unless they were given ultimatum. If we are with someone who doesn't care (much) about us...confronting them hoping and expecting them to care a little bit more can be futile. You could be hoping in vain...

The only thing that you can achieve by talking is that the other party understands you and you will get confirmation on whatever kemusykilan yang you ada.Usually in relationship, we assume things. Ohh..nanti laki I marah..ohh nanti bini I bising. When you say, laki you marah..sudahkah you bertanya or beritahu dia apa yang dalam hati and kepala you?

My mother probably have plenty tak puas hati dengan my father. I don't know if she ever said it to him. It was such an unfair balance that sadly mother had to put up with. We have to be prepared that not many of us like to be ambushed, especially dengan bullet bullet yang akan menikam kalbu. But..kalau kita tak cakap...mana dia nak tahu apa yang ada dalam hati kita?

If I want write about yang gunung merapi pendam dengan my parents, sure cerita ni tak kan habisnya..but thinking about it, we have never really sit and talk about it. They probably assumed that I am okay thus get on with it and I never really told them how I feel.

But, if I can give this advice to Kiah...lenkali janganlah tunggu sampai darah dah panas. Things are better said when you are calm..and if you have to cry, you know that you have said your peace without missing out any crucial points.

Since we are in this 'talking' subject..I think I should talk to you again about the CFC Plan (Care For Community) Plan. I realised that this was presented to you as my dream. My dream is to see this happen. And to materialised that, I need your help.

I don't want to start asking for donation. Donation is will suit the charity purpose. This is a business plan that unlike any other business, this will see no profit making. Items listed on your top right is for sale. Those might be the things that you don't need. But how many times we purchased things that we actually need? They are not costly. They're less that $50.00. I want to ask all of you to consider buying it and think about what the proceed would to the disabled. Please get your friends to buy it too. I am not sure if I have a reader from USA...but the websites are US based. Please help me to promote those links. We (there's 4 of us) are doing the FB write ups for this. Our contribution is our expertise and yours will be the fuel of the engine.

Please help. In the next 8 months, I will be actively promoting this. Help to spread the word. WE are all very generous soul.

5 comments:

mokjadeandell said...

I agree with talking when you are calm not when you are angry ....but talking do need strategy if you want the message to be received.Tak boleh hentam keromo.Betulkan ...

Anonymous said...

I am a reader in US and will help you in any ways I can.

-km-

Hjh Esah Jolie said...

Mokjadeandell..haiyoh nama...memang betullll...kalau marah masa cakap. puas dek mencarut aje nanti..

-km-, thank you kindly.

pakmat said...

..agreed on the need to talk..but with some men, it will be mainly monologues..:) and your CFC plan?..Catch a Cheating Spouse? tattoo?..nah..I rather donate..give me an ac number..

Hjh Esah Jolie said...

Man and monologues eh? I'm afraid I cannot take donation lah Pak Mat..because, besar risk nya ambik duit derma ni..plus I takde tabung (boleh ke bagi alasan camtu?) Alaa..you buy the recipe book la....boleh main masak-masak.