Dream...That Is Unfortunately Not Free

I was looking at my blog production this year. NOT GOOD like the previous previous year. I realised that this year, I talked less about work. I am not sure if work lately has become so uninteresting, given UK current recession where the government made plenty of cutbacks.

Or is it...since earlier this year, my allegiance is channeled somewhere else? Kiah will jump at her first opportunity to slag me off on this one. Okay laa...love is love, but MC doesn;t know about this web sanctuary of mine and I am not about to tell also. Biarpun dia ada jugak membuat muka cuak bila kengkawan ketat memanggil I 'Makji'.

With this blog, I made and met new friends. I also met few people that I like and I don't quite like. Some I just tolerate and some, I just blatantly ignore.Although people announced their open-mindedness about our choice of friends, I think twice about letting them know my true feelings about them...pasalnya, often their open-mindedness itu adalah kata-kata cover and belakang cover adalah kata-kata caruts. Not that I mind orang caruts I, but it is always better no caruts than ada caruts...ataupun lebih mudah, walaupun kita takleh tutup mulut longkang orang yang nak ngata kita, tapi alangkah baiknya kalau kata-kata kutuk itu tak ada langsung. Tak gitu, Kiah????

To you followers of my blog, pardon me that sampai sekarang I tataulah apa jadahnya follower itu and apa fungsi sebenarnya but nevertheless, I sangat berterima kasih you all sanggup gak ikut blog I yang kurang pekdah lagi boleh meng induce kekurangan pahala ni. Those who messaged and offer to be my friends via FB, mintak mahaplah permintaan itu tak dapat I terima sebab FB itu adalah untuk kengkawan saja. Ada jugak kengkawan FB yang I tak pernah jumpa but kawan juga atas dasar ikhlasnya orang tu nak kawan dengan I siap buat research lagi nah...Cik M. Maaf na...I tak call you balik sebab aku busy makan karipap and I hope you're not in anyway affected by the banjir.

Hari ini I adalah sedikit emosi. Maybe sebab bulan bakal mengambang dan juga sekembalinya I kat sini, cuaca amat sejuk mengalahkan suhu dalam peti ais Toshiba dan I telah terjangkit deman kuss kuss. Ish...leceh tau bila demam kuss kuss ni...dah la bukan semudah ABC nak jumpa doktor. Dah la I takde boipren doktor....so nak tak nak, kenalah makan lemsip sampai baik sendiri.

Bila demam-demam camni, mulalah mengenangkan diri kita ni yang jauh dari makpak, adik beradik dan juga kekasih hati (pluekkkk) Bila sensorang, takde orang tanya kita dah baik ke...or nak tepek tangan atas dahi macamlah benda tu boleh jadi thermometre gitu. Takde orang nak offer buat sup ikan merah ataupun gosokkan vicks vapour rub tu. Semuanya Sdn.Bhd. you...

Adalah sorang peminat I ni...(dia la yang kata, bukan aku yang claim tau, Kiah...and btw, dia kata dia peminat kau jugak..hah, hati ada puas kah?) tanya I, Makji, you takde ke cita-cita nak balik Mesia for good...

Balik baru-baru ni, cita-cita tu jadi macam kabur sekejap. Actually sebelum I reunite dengan MC, I dah terpikir nak balik kerja kat Mesia. Tapi bila dah beli rumah, macam tak jadi pulak bcos we fought long and hard to get the house thing materialised. Then my rumahtangga dengan F jadik hancur lebur akhirnya and I thought, okaylah..leave all that behind but pikir punya pikir nanti it would be unfair to MB1 because for the last 13 years, we have done many, many things together and we needed each other more than any other ordinary married couple. But MB1 realised I need to be where my happiness is (she is referring to MC la ni...) MC cakap dia tak kisahhhhhh (dia suka cakap dia tak kisahhhhh, apa yang dia kisahhhh sebenarnya I pun tatau) as long as I happy tapi katanya, dia suka I dok dekat-dekat bukan 13 jam travelling with 8 hours time difference. We had spent the longest time together recently and parting again, wasn't easy. But I have to go to work where my work is :(

Cik Adik, bukan tak nak balik menabur bakti...dan berjumpa kekasih hati...(tetappp lah nak gatal) But it is not that easy. Kerajaan Malaysia tak suka dengan orang yang mereka rasa tidak normal. Mereka suka memenuhkan hospital saja and kurung mereka sampai mati. Saya nak tolong, saya pun tak berapa upaya. Kalau ada yang menolong pun, semua pergerakan charity orang bukan Islam yang ditaja oleh businessman cina yang kaya-raya tu. Orang melayu kalau kaya, tambah bini and tukar kereta and buat majlis kahwin grand-grand sampai kita yang tengok pun takut.

Tak apalah...saya akan berusaha dan menyimpan impian. For now, I can only dream. Kepada yang dichentai, now and again, when the loneliness gets the better of me, I will menyorok dalam duvet and nangis...and not tell anyone. Then I'll tell myself...okay...3 bulan...3 bulan...

I have also started to miss my little nieces and nephew too and my mother's gulai telur.

Kepada yang memerlukan bakti, I plan my dream in a way that I know how. The last 10 months, I have researched opportunities to work in Malaysia and I even have mates who's offering me jobs that I had to politely declined as I do not want to get back into unrewarding routine although it pays well. I told MC that my motivation is not about money anymore, although I need plenty of them. I want to help others. But without money, it is hard for me to help the needy soul, that is largely neglected. I am sorry that I am NOT crazy about helping the Palestinian like most Malaysian does. I have seen some Palestinians around yang membantutkan niat I even nak sedekah doa sekalipun. Punyalah buruk nya perangai. Malaysian seen only how Palestinian is hard done by, by the Israelis...but sama aje kejamnya memasing tu sesama mereka. I am conscious that some of you may not share my views but kita semua boleh berfikir and I hope if I am wrong, I should be convinced...but now, I just don't.

Okay, I am now raising funds for a place where the neglected one can come and be helped. Those who were affected by disease not fault of their own that affected their way of thinking. Those who majority of you think is dangerous in your community and therefore suitable in a lock up asylum. I want to help those who others think are different from them, those who others think are not normal like them.

This is a long shot. I may not raise enough money and maybe, I may not have enough money to do this but it is still a dream. I have few friends, both Jewish and Muslims together and other religions too, that has helped me created this website that should generate income for this dream. This is not religiously motivated however I do hope, as a Muslim that Allah will bestow me pahala for helping the needy, irregardless the beliefs.

So friends, friends and friends, please tell your other friends, friends and friends..wherever you are...to have a look at top right link, and help to spread the word. Spread this blog too. Lagi famous I, lagi cepat la kami-kami kumpul duit untuk tolong orang sakit kat Malaysia. Any income generated from the sale of the products listed will go directly to the proceed of this dream. Jaza'kallahu Khayran.

Sekian.