About Me

Thursday, November 18, 2010

In An Open Relationship

Eh tajuk gempak kann..Kiah? Nanti misti ada orang ingat aku cakap pasal dia pulak...

First thing that come to mind mustilah bab free hop on hop off katil orang, while you're steadily have made your bed dengan partner you. Always when relationship is concerned, we think about the bedroom transaction aje. Padahal benda-benda lain pun boleh dikongsi juga...

Not many people like to kongsi. Alangkan goverment once upon a time dulu pun suruh orang kongsi kereta pun kita bolayan, apatah lagi nak berbagi laki dan bini kan, Kiah????

Men are incline to practise this, I think because they are far too arrogant to admit that little things like emotional, love or bits and pieces will affect how they function. Ye laa....tapi dalam hati sure ada menyesal punya, tapi tak nak ngaku. Yelah, bila bini 2,3 pastu menyusahkan badan...satu negara gaduh, bila mati berebut siapa yang punya, tak ke menyesal kawin banyak???

When I was courting the one six feet under, not in so many words said to him...I really don't mind him having many, many female friends. He was a friendly and charming man so he jokes about, he cares too much and he is very attentive (not to me unfortunately) Now that I think about it, some people like to have the reputation of being the nice and easy going and the pujaan Malaya one. He was one of them. Now that I think about it too, I am exactly the same...only I am not that friendly. But I do know that I am so selfless for my own good that people do tend to take advantage.

My friends said..I don't komplen. Ye lah...they don't read this blog. I complaint about everything under the sun.But...looking at it, I wrote my frustration in here...but I don't actively say it.

I realised then and now...now more blatantly so..that MC and me are two totally different people that want different things in life. I'm sure some of you (who has seen us together) would ask, would think..would anything but say...ohh what a lovely pair. What I realised I should now do is...to let things goes as it is. We had difficult talks and I know that I had done so much.

I often told people, don't stress about things that you have no power over.If you like it, you take it.I'm sure you will know when you have had enough.

When two people together and there is also two set of mind together that not always think alike.There's only so much that can keep two person together.If you're friends, maybe the friendship does and will keep you and your friend in a friendly term. If you're lover...if ever the sparks is gone, there'll be bits and pieces that may hold your puzzles together, walaupun kita tahu puzzles yang dah siap tidaklah banyak mana fungsi nya pun.

Our partner is never going to be perfect, just like we are. We have this imagination of what a partner should be but you often see the missing bit on other people.Ada my friend ni cakap, laki nya adalah jantan yang paling reliable dalam donia ni...but, dia adalah jantan yang tak banyak cakap and kurenggg sikit dalam nak memanjakan bini nya. So I said to her, since your hubs tu undersocialised, ko pi la socialise dengan orang lain. I wasn't asking her to start looking for another love but kalau laki you dah ghope macam itu, you can either menambah bilangan sahabat pena or sahabat starbuck, tak pun...pergilah menghiburkan hati you sendiri dengan membuat menda-menda yang you suka macam beli handbag penuh lemari. But I also told her to be open and honest about how she feels about him. So she did. The husband diam la memula tanda protest, but I encourage my friend to firm up, something got to give. But in the end, she now can do whatever she pleases, as long as tak melampaui batas.

I think the important thing in a union, is for us to accept our partner unconditionally. We may not like things he/she does and I think we should say. What do we want after that? Perubahan? Kalau dapat, dapat la...

I gave this advise to someone who wrote to me recently. She found out that husband was having an affair. So she confronted him.If you noticed, men who get caught never offer their partner any solution, and there likely to be given with one or an ultimatum. So do you really think keputusan bijak boleh dibuat dalam masa 5 menet???

So, I asked her to ask the hub, how he feels about her? Mind you, if after campur tolak bahagi kita rasa kita ni tak patut dipermainkan sebagitu ropa oleh laki kita yang shialll tu, kenkadang punca mereka tu menyundal adalah kerana mereka itu yang tak rasa cukup. So, itu adalah masalah dia and bukan you. The hubs kata la it was a mistake la..blablabla...(ye lah mistake tahik unta, mistake menda kalau dah ber affair 6 bulan lama nya???) So she said, kalau you suka that girl, kawin lah dengan dia. And she reminded him about them having their own daughter and taknak lah nanti anak mereka pulak dimain oleh orang. So the hubs asked, habis you macam mana? The wife cakap balik, well..you tak fikir pulak pasal tu bila you keluar dengan dia. POMMM!!! Laki dia termalu. The wife said, that she loves the husband as much as the day she marries him but she is hurt and need to think. Hubs say, you nak fikir apa? Wife cakap...I need to think and see if I can love you the same after all this. So she said, I izinkan you nikah dengan gilpren you...but one day, if I think this is all a bit too much for me, izinkan lah I tinggalkan you.

The hubs, I was told went ahead and marry the gilpren. But tak lama. He is now back with the wife. I keep telling the wife, keep an open mind about your marriage, sometimes, it is not about you. I was lucky dia tak sumpah I pasal suruh laki dia kawin.

So, the politician say, saman lah perampas laki you dan laki you sekali if your marriage is broken by them. Do you honestly think that is a good idea? Siapa perampas dan siapa pulak suka, rela, paksa dirampas? Buat apa? Kalau dia pun set-set tak guna, relakan jelah dia dirampas, and sebelum dia kena rampas, buatlah plan siap-siap nak rampas reta dia sikit-sikit ye.

In the spirit of being open, I encouraged MC to cakap apa dia rasa....patah jugaklah hati I memula...ye lah, kita rasa kitalah yang paling mithali sekali dalam dunia ni. But what do we want? Okay..not happy and start looking for another one? So I cakap...you buat lah apa yang you nak. But in the event that you rasa dah takde benda lagi that will keep us together, then you must tell me.

That's how open I can be.

p/s This applies only kalau you dapat partner yang bangsa tak makan saman ye...kalau laki kita tu bangsa menurut perintah, takyah lah nak offer buy 1 get one deal pulak.


Anonymous said...

good entry. well done. =) saya suka

Anonymous said...

salam makji,

i like the statement "Kalau dia pun set-set tak guna, relakan jelah dia dirampas, and sebelum dia kena rampas, buatlah plan siap-siap nak rampas reta dia sikit-sikit ye." coz not one day goes by that i am thankful my ex laki was rampas-ed by the bohsia.. cuma tak sempat la nak rampas reta dia sikit2 sebb dia tak de rete.


Hjh Esah Jolie said...

Thanks Anon...

Mishaz..more of a good reason you're rid of him and dia dirampas..dia takde reta. Hahahaha

aking n semut said...

tobat aku jadi baik terus malam ni!!*sebab smlm ada unsur2 nak glenya lgtanpa pengetahuanya*opssssssssssssssssssss