Update

Sometime in August, si Semah yang kucing adalah ibu kucing kepada anak-anak kucing saya (errrk?) telah tidak pulang kerumah. Saya ingat lagi yang pada hari itu, saya telah pergi ke sebuah open house. Hmm....saya dan kawan saya ni dijemput oleh adik ipar tuan rumah tu...tapi kesudahnya saya pulak yg dikata memacam...well, that's a different story lah ye. Story yang saya dah malas nak pikir.

Well, si Semah ni adalah teman setiduran saya. There was times when cats were my only companion. Disebabkan anak-anak Semah ni adalah munyit reincarnation, maka Semah la senantiasa diribaan, teman menengok drama Kek Foo tu. So when Semah failed to return terganggu jugaklah fikiran. Setiap malam sebelum tido I will melekap kat tingkap looking out for her. Sedih betul I masa tu. I even told Amma about her and how sad I was. See, I jarang ngadu dgn Amma so bila anaknya yang keras hati ni dah ngadu tanpa ada kemaluan, you can imagine how devastating it was for me, kan?

Perhap I didn't try to look out for her hard enough. Ye la, takdelah sampan nak print poster kucing wanted bagai. I rasa Semah akan balik. Gituh.

Then came the realisation how distant we both of us have been. Since anak2 Semah dah besar dan bersunat dan menjadi manja meleleh-leleh, serta datang nya kekucing rescue yg memerlukan perhatian, maka Semah macam terabai lah sikit. But in my defence, si Semah tu kuat nau mengoroknya and during the day dia akan bersosialan (sambil dapat makan free) dgn kekucings jenjiran I. So masa untuk kami ber quality time tu adalah kureng.

So pada hari open house itu Semah tak balik2 even dah tengah malam....dan gitulah seterusnya hingga sepurnama. Looking for her was a wild goose chase experience for me dgn segala macam lahanat yg bagi false lead. Tat betul tau!

So I learn to live without her in sight. To make the sadness bearable I imagine dia dah mati somewhere. So knowing dia dah tak ada memudahkan urusan pelupusan dia dari fikiran.

I need to get few people out of my mind lately. Orang kata jgn putuskan silaturrahim kann..berdosa. Part mana yang berdoa pun tatau..cepat nau orang jatuh hukum berdosa. Relationships are often complex, kan? Sebaik mana pun orang nampak baik nya kita..lemah lembut tangan lidah segala...but to know Malaysia is to love Malaysia gittew..kawan dulu dgn dia...masuk semak samun sesama then you know what sort of emosi-emosi yang ko kena hadap.

I am a strong believer of..one day things will be made easy. This love of my life...dua tiga purnama juga kami dok hanging on that puny thread of emotions. Perangai dia macam jahanam..but still when your head is in a cloud, you tak nampak apa...or nampak benda yang you nak nampak.

But one day....that's it. Haram sepatah I tak jawab message whatsapp nya..hingga ke hari ni. I terus aje CTRL-ALT-DELETE dia dari fikiran I. Didalam emosi pun dia dah tak ada. Office dia yang dekat dgn Vet Clinic I pun dah tak skodeng lagi. Enough is enough lah, kan?

Yes...you will be the one to initiate a moving on action. Kawan2 hanya perlu memberi perangsang, bukannya paksaan.

Then this another friend....again, I should stop from succumbing to emotional blackmail. I wish one day she realise how childish she have been. I am not perfect myself but all I was, is trying to be a good friend. But nevermind...dalam hidup kita maybe excell dalam hal-hal duniawi or syariat-syariat agama serta meng qualify kan diri kita menjatuhkan hukum or memberi opinion macam lahanat kat orang lain. But kita adalah lemah dalam matapelajaran menjaga hati orang.

Okay..back to Semah. Out of the blue she returned. Bibik I kata ada satu kucen ni dok yak yak kat atas pasir I. I was away that weekend so hari Isnin, I saw this familar cat coming inside my gate. Our eyes met. She started bergolek gelantang atas pasir. I rush out. I called out...she came to me. We peluk peluk penuh emosi..mana Semah pergi etc etc. I brought her inside. A tubby Semah dah lean sikit badan nya. I was so happy.

But after half a day spending time locked inside the house, she rushed out again. She even hissed annoyingly at her once upon a time kittens. Wahhhh. Everyone chasing out after her...well my Bibik la yg paling emo because somehow she must have felt Semah hilang adalah salah dia.

Second day I saw her outside loitering. I brought her back and locked her inside the cage. But she escaped...ala-ala Alcatraz sangat.

What reasoning do I need now to tell me that she no longer wants me? She no longer appreciate the goodness she gets before...and the fact that I need to love other cats too?

Well, she is the one who refuses to understand that every inch of my conscience doesn't revolve around her. Nak jealous tak bertempat! I told Bibik to stop asking her to come home.

So yes, I refuse to be emotionally governed by Semah...or other people who thinks that just because ko banyak budi dgn ku. I have spent all this time alone reflecting...

So bye bye Semah. You know where I am if you want me (or can of Qiut)

Kepada yang dok propah kat orang kata I tak layan dia or layan dia acuh tak acuh padahal evidence wassapdog menunjukkan dia yang jawab macam lembu lemau, apa yang boleh dikata hanyalah...nasib lu lah ye...it is unfair to seize opportunity to tutup kekhilafan senirik gitu. But gua sudah tua...takda masa nak beli-beli jiwa (or friendship) ni.

To my remaining cats....sudah-sudah sorokkan USB stick ku. Pi lah main dgn toys yang aruah opah korang bagi tu.

Clouds....

Semenjak cover I dah nak or dah pun terbukak...I adalah takut nak hapdate blog. Gimana nak cergas dalam menghapdate bila ceritera-ceritera yang berlegar kat pala hotak adalah berkisar tentang nak ngumpat makpak students-students I?

Ohh tidak. Sebagai manusia hipokrit..saya musti mempertahankan kehipokritan saya. Gituh.

If you read blogs dari jejaman jurassic, you may have read Heaven & Hell blog by Coco Chanel. Personally I kenal si K ini. And...I may know some of you too. Hari ni I dapat berita K sudah meninggal. Al-Fatihah.

I dengan K sudah lost contact. If I remember correctly, K lah yang menghilangkan I dari contact nya. Well, kita tak lah boleh paksa orang kawan dgn kita. Mungkin I ni takdalah membawa pekdah kepada dirinya...ye lah..I ni idok lah seglamer mana. Selain K, adalah few friends yang menghilangkan I dari kontekan mereka. I did mourned for some...ye lah, I do appreciate friendships.

From a book I read, some people are like clouds. When they disappear, it brightens your day. Recently my days are lot brighter...ops!

In the recent months, I was told by a close friend of mine that K sedang sakit. I dgn si kawan I ni macam telah dipinggirkan oleh K...between us kita tertanya-tanya gak, but tak adalah sampai nak lose sleep gitu. Orang dah taknak kawan kita, kita nak buat cemana, ye tak? So when si Makji Eton ni bagitau I si K sakit, I pun buatlah plan nak jenguk dia. Bila I visit K, I terus terkenang aruah adik I. Hati I berkata-kata, dia ni mungkin tak lama hayat nya walaupun K takdelah nampak sakit teruk. Semenjak pada tu, every week after mengajar kat area orang Gomen sana, I akan pergi menjenguk dia. Of course bila dah lama tak keep in touch, I dah tak tau apa yang nak dibualkan dgn dia...cuma I selalu tanya siapakah pelawat nya. And every visit juga I akan bawa makanan yang dia nak makan.

K sudah banyak berubah. Dari zaman huha nya. Every visit sangat menginsafkan I. I sangat insaf akan betapa adil nya Allah dan betapa zalim nya manusia.

Dulu ada kawan I tegur lifestyle I. Dia tegur sebagai kawan katanya. Dan dia pun keluarkan lah hujah-hujah agamanya..yang if you ask me, taklah banyak mana. I cakap dgn dia konsep Arrahman & Arrahim. Dia ni kata I gunakan itu ikut sesuka hati dan untuk mengexcuse kan salah laku I.

Dalam hati I kata...ye lah..bila kita rasa kita pandai sikit, kita akan jatuhkan hukum so inadvertantly pun. Lupa pulak kita yang itu kerja Allah.

Everytime I balik dari visit K, I akan bagitau kat loyar betapa sedihnya I tengok tabah nya K. His situation dah macam jatuh kena timpa tangga. But K sungguh happy. Everytime we parted, I cakap..jgn fikir banyak sangat...Allah will eventually give you what you need. Fuhhh..tetiba ya script Ustazah keluar.

I went back to UK recently. Naik MH ye. So I bagitau K yang I akan travel so that I will be busy and akan cuba visit dia before I pergi. Hari tu K mintak I bawa pen. I ask if he wanted a notebook, dia kata takpayah but I bawak juga. I told him write positive thoughts when you're feeling down. I cakap dgn dia I nak naik flight in few days and mintak dia doakan my safe journey..ye lah..naik MH kann....karang mati la pulak macam Angeline Premila yang shantekk tu.

Bila I dengar berita K hari ni, I rasa bersyukur kerana dia dah dapat apa yang terbaik untuk nya. I masih kagum mengingatkan betapa peacefulnya dia.

To me, K was one of the clouds around me. He was blown away from me before. But along my journey I walked under him again. Now his gone. In a way, his passing has brighten my day...in a very special way. The opportunity was given to me and him to smile again at each other.

Like this...kalau kita sayangkan kawan kita tu, kita doakan lah dia. Kalau kita rasa hidup kita bagus sikit dari dia, dendiam aja lah.

Pilihlah ayat-ayat yang sedap dimakan....sebab dgn kuasa Allah jua, kita akan terpaksa makan balik ayat2 cilanat yang keluar dari mulut kita.

Semoga K dicucuri rahmat. Al-Fatihah. 

Stories...That We Like

Stuff that you read about your friends on their statuses updates kenkadang, is too good to be true kan? We do wonder...

 

a) Adakah laki sebaik dan se mithali gittew?

b) Adakah hidup se perfect gittew?

c) Kenapakah ko vangang sevegittew???

d) Deyy..who wants to know?

 

Sebagai seorang manusia biasa dan mempunyai perasaan menyampah adanya...I must say that at times puji-pujian melangit tujuh ni adakalanya bisa mencucuk mata dan hati.

 

Sebetulnya, kata-kata pujian kepada seseorang manusia ataupun kucing itu adalah afdal jika ianya terbit dari mulut pemuji yang neutral iaitu, orang yang takde hubungan dekat dgn orang yang dipujinya itu. Betul tak?

 

Is in our nature (or is it just us Melayu) yang mengamalkan self deprecating humour..i.e. lagi you kutuk anak bini laki you, lagi baguih. Sebab akan adanya mulut palat yang akan kata bila kita puji anak kita nanti..haaa, pujilah melambung, sok sok anak kau jadi sekian sekian. kan?

 

This is the downside of this social media ni. Hal private should remain private kan? I know of this couple yang laki bini adalah pengikut ajaran Islam yang tawadduk gitu. Laki dia imamkan dia semayang pun dia nak habaq kat orang. Sebetulnya, tidaklah menjadi kesalahan..ye la..baguih la laki kau tu ada nak jadik imam ko anak beranak. (well, so is other men around the globe yang takdelah bini nya nak bawak smart phone time semayang Jemaah kannn?)

 

Can I ask, what make you..the proud wife feels the needs to share this? Is it important for the world and your friends to know how pious you husband and wife is?

 

Then....the need to tunjukkan kat orang akan kepandaian anak you buat blueberry muffin dan seangkatan nya. Okay lah..budak tu baru naik jah 4. Kita dulu darjah 4 Uwan suruh buang tahik ikanbilih dah rasa nak buat protest jalanan. But now, thanks to your Mum's smartphone, seluruh warga Kampung Pandan tahu yang anak kita dah pandai buat muffin untuk minum petang seisi rumah. (and somewhere in kekampung, ada akak darjah empat yang terpaksa belajar urus rumah dan adik adik kecik sebab omak nya kena kerja siang malam)

 

Wahh...the risk of kita tegur benda2 camni ialah si pemuji tegar anak dan laki akan kata kita jeles. Jeles kah kita sebenar nya, kak wok oiii?

Rata-rata kita sebenarnya amatlah menyampah membaca status-status pujian-pujian cenggini. Reason being...we actually don't know why. Hakikatnya rasa menyampah..tu saja. I think kita ni sejak azali tak biasa dgn kata-kata compliment. Kita jarang dengar laki puji bini....openly. They knew how wonderful their other half is...superwoman lah...handy woman la..anything they can think of. Yes, wives do get compliment from their husband and that is usually behind close doors.

 

Men have this funny idea that they like you to think the opposite. If they kata you malas, it means you are actually rajin. So men is actually weird in their own way too. They don't say what they mean walaupun suka mengaku kat dunia yang they are actually the most straightforward creatures. Pundek la kannn.

 

Truth be told that..we actually enjoy stupid funny stories. The more fun, the more kutuk you awarded your family member will make the most likeable stories. Some mothers psychoanalyse their young child...narrating their observations. I read about one mother thinks that her boy has exemplary emotional intelligence. The boy is just 5. Yes, and the whole world has to know.

 

Fact is, that we only like to read kata-kata pujian terhadap anak, laki and bini ni bila kawan tu dah tak ada or ada 3 hari lagi nak hidup.

 

Then you read about how your friend nak mendidik anak nya berdikari dgn memasukkan anaknya ke sekolah asrama yang sepelaung jauh nya dari rumah. Good for her lah..dgn dunia sekarang yang penuh pancaroba nya bila bebudak yang mengontrol makpak, maka ada baik nya budak tu dihumban masuk sekolah asrama dan belajar lah hidup susah kann?

 

Tapikan uolssss....kesusahan dan keberdikarian apakah yang budak tu boleh belajar bila saban minggu makpak nya datang bawak juadah buffet hotel adanya kat anak kesayangan depa tu? Tak cukup dgn itu, makpak bersusah payah pulak menjadi dobi bergerak anak nya. So, apokah makno eh itu semuo? Kita yang saban minggu disajikan dgn status hapdate omak nya ...of all these details...serasa nak tergelak terbahak-bahak pun ada.

 

Percayalah uols....tiada siapa antara kita yang memcemburukan hidup uols yang perfect itu. Malah saya percaya para-para isteri yang gersang perhatian dan pujian dari laki ini juga mahu belajar dari uols bagaimanakah caranya menjadi super nanny dan super isteri.

 

But we also know that life..isn't that all perfect. Disebalik cerita-cerita pujian melambung uols tu, akan tersorok jua cerita sedih dan tak sedap didengar. Macam..ada satu bini yang suka puji-puji laki dia ni yang satu taman perumahan tahu mempunyai mulut macam mak joyah.

 

You tell me, which status update will you like more

 

a) My husband thinks I am his truest love and he loves me to death

b) My husband listen to Angelina Jolie more than me

 

If you like 'B', you are normal.

 

Husband and wife don't compliment each other when they're in public together. Trust me. So bila you dengar bini ngata laki and the other way around, maka toksah lah you tuduh orang tu suka menjatuhkan air muka masing-masing ya? That is really normal.

 

What's not normal is..you and your male or female friend dok ngutuk laki/bini you dalam whatsapp. I am not talking about group whatsapp ye...

 

 

Clean Cut

Diam tak diam..meroyan tak meroyan..dah setahun jugaklah saya balik menetap di Malaya yg indah itu. Sebagai penduduk tetap UK, saya balik lah juga menunjuk muka kat Richmond Park dan juga di kedai fish n chips.

Ever since...I have lost some cats and friends too. Losing cats was rather traumatic. Ada yang cerai hidup dan mati. Cerai mati tu..nangis berpanjangan la jugak. Yang cerai hidup tu, entahlah...adakalanya terasa nak sasau. Cerai hidup selalu nya rasa macam takde closure kann? Sebab nya, we don't know where they went, and why..tau tau dah ghaib. Breaking up with a partner pun cenggitu gak..kalau dianya mati...at least ada gak lah kubur nak di visit (or NOT)  but kalau yang masih hidup, though dalam mahkamah syariah and masa nak berputus, dah habis segala sulh and discussion they exhausted, dah cakap reason why and why things didn't work out..hatta kalau terpaksa putus sebab samdol tu tertangkap or terada hubungan sulit dgn lain orang, you will still wonder why. People don't always tell you everything.

 

So, apakah definition sebenar clean cut itu? Adakah ianya habis dalam ertikata seperti habisnya hutang credit card dan rumah, maka kita dah takde apa-apa hubungan dgn sipemberi hutang tu lagi? Well...kalau dgn bank or kedai hutang boleh lah kann, clean cut dgn manusia tu sebenarnya tak ujud tau.Hiksss.

 

Ada yang putus dgn boipren lama. Ni kes chenta gorilla lah jugak...relationship punya meter dan berat kearah nak kahwin gitu. Tapi jodoh takda. Dua dua kahwin dgn orang lain. Tah sapa lah punya idea bernas yang suka nau kata..when they decided to enter into marriage, it be a new beginning. Baik jantan or pempuan. Kahwin is like a penyelamat gittew.

 

This often get blame when something turned sour. Ada yang kata they girl he married has changed etc etc. Padahal apalah sangat perubahan nya pun kalau tak size badan.

 

Then pompuan will say things like the jantan they married..pun dah berubah. Menjadi munyit.

 

Here's a theory. Human likes and prone to imitate what they think is good for them. Kadang kadang tu, common sense depan mata pun kita takleh Nampak so kita memerlukan bantuan partner kita tu. I used to go out with one selfish person. Cisss...so between us, kalau kita pergi travelling I lah yang akan selalu mengingatkan dia yang alangkah baik nya kalau dibelikan cenderahati pada sedara mara dia tu. Of course memula adalah bantahan seperti, eh..what for dan etc etc. Tapi sebagai partner yang berdedikasi dan juga, kalau orang puji partner you, bukankah you juga akan mendapat credit pujian jua? Maka kenkadang kita ambil inisiatif sendiri seperti membelikan buahtangan dan lepas tu pi lah cakap kat sedara-mara kita yang inisiatif tu juga adalah datang dari laki/bini kita juga (padahal takde nya)

 

Lama-lama, partner kita yang buruk perangai tu akan tersadar dari kelakuan buruk nya dan akan mengambil inisiatif sendiri...meniru perbuatan baik kita tadi. Ye tak?

 

Aruah Appa I, kenkadang mempunyai masalah social yang amat kronik. I remember yang dia boleh pergi rumah orang dan duduk di corner sensorang tak bercakap dgn sesapa. Nasib baik la my Amma tu kira pencetus ummah lah kira nya for she will ask her brother to pergi layan my Appa and pi buat all the small and big talk.

 

See, the wife sometimes need to take the lead. Kutuk laki pun adalah perkara yang perlu dibuat juga untuk menghilangkan stress but dalam masa yang sama, you would like it of people compliment on how your husband has changed so much since he married you, kan?

 

But of course, we can't help it when marriage didn't work out...kalau dah takde apa yang membuat kita dgn dia happy maka, cari je lah jalan lain. But as much as kita nak kata kita dgn dia clean cut, kita tetap jugalah setelah 600 ratus tahun akan dating still kata, my ex dulu camni, camni dan camni.

 

So yes...what's the clean cut all about? Nothing. We still have something unsavoury to say about each other. Amicable separation yg nak di vanggakan sangat tu setakat you tak cakar dia dan dia tak terajang you. Tu aja.

Pressure & Encouragement

Do people still read blogs nowadays? (when you have pesbuk yang agak banyak lah jugak drama nya kannn?)

 

I don't know. Kedatangan I sendiri dalam blog adalah amat parah. Nasib baik lah I ni takda penyakit nak pressure pressure orang update blog untuk kepuasan hati sendiri.

 

Speaking of that....tell us, what's the difference between pressure and encouragement?

 

Dulu adalah kenalan I ni. Depressed lah adanya kerna katanya badan nya dah sebesar tong drum. Sarung apa pun dah tak chantekk la kat mata dia. So forever she strive nak nguruskan badan. If you ask me, yes she is slightly overweight...but tidaklah overweight to the extent menyakitkan mata dia dan orang lain or the type yang nak bawak diri sendiri pun seksa. If she lose some, surelah akan Nampak presentable banyak...but still, thin or plump, she is pleasant to look at.

 

Everyday lah I dok encourage dia swimming lah..itu lah ini lah...and she pulak is the type yang you suggest something positive satu i.e. naik bukit, she will tell you two reasons why she shouldn't...ada hantu la, leceh la..pacat la.

 

So I stop making verbal encouragement. I snapped every photos of gym I come across and hantaq la kat dia. Dia jawab ---you are turning into my mother so stop pressuring me. So I stop. Hati rasa macam sial ye...but mengenangkan dia tu kawan and the unattractiveness is the worst feeling in the world for a woman, so I keep my mouth shut.

 

When people and when this people is your friend keep banging on about how I need to lose weight, how I need to do this and that and masih gak tak nak mengubah cara dan gaya hidup nya yang kuat melantak tu, what will be the most polite way to talk to them?

 

I am sure we have million and one things to say to her but not to her face, kan?

 

Here's facts. When come to crunch, pressuring and encouraging manner can bear very uncanny resemblance. What your friends really want to hear when they ngadu kat you yang dia dah gemuks dan semua bebaju keroje nya sempit zip dah nak terlerak is..ehh, tak lah mana ada gemuks..or elehh..gemuks sikit ja...aku lagi cam badak etc etc.

 

Don't dare suggesting Scotland Weight Management. Don't.

 

Dulu masa I kerja kat menjadi staff gomen kat UK, boss I gigih suruh I buat Master. At times I think I should..nak compete lah dgn staff lenlain yang tinggi tahap akademik nya. But I pulak ngenang kan, haiyoo...payah tul hidup dan tak daya nak korban kan the year just for it. So unconsciously I resent the idea by giving excuses. The person I was seeing at that time pun idoklah academically challenged so, encouragement dari dia mmg tarak la kannn. Not, at that time I wasn't ready. I can still hear the excuses I made.

 

I have friends who made it through the PHD level. Ada yang sudah and ada yang sangkut. As a friend, I do my best to encourage. But itu ajalah yang kita boleh buat pun. Nak bagi nasihat lelebih or encouragement lelebih, saya pun taraf first degree saja, so apalah kelas nya.

 

I saw my supervisor recently and we discussed few cases. We discussed this too, how encouragement can somewhat lead to pressurising. We both agreed that it depends on the person on how they take the words of encouragement. If orang yang terima galakan tu tetiba menjelma jadi biawak dan bersikap defensive, maka dia adalah problem nya sendiri dan bukan kita si pemberi galakan.

 

So, where do we stand in the scenario nak cakap tak cakap salah ni? Nak play it safe pun susah sekarang...because if kita cakap I takde comment kang, kawan kita ingat kita tak supportive pulak kan?

 

Kan ke senang je cakap cam ni..if kawan kita tu rasa dia dah nak sama size dgn Syanie, cakap je lah..a'ah la..mmg you dah gimoks..so, ikut you lah nak buat camna.

 

Atau yang set suka ngadu hal laki dia dgn you...acknowledge je la..ye la, nak buat camana kannn?

 

Terlebih encourage kang macam memberi pressure pulak. Nak mengadu bebanyak kang orang kata attention seeking pulak...(well nak ngadu nasib pun kena berhati hati gak sekarang ni ye)

 

Bak kata boss I...wish her the best lah.

 

So kepada yang tgh dalam venture nya..menguruskan badan ke, memikat laki ka..habiskan study ka...all the best lah ye.

World Bestest WhatsApp Group

1) The Chef
From the conversations..be it one way or mutual way, memang kerja sidia ni masak, masak dan masak. First thing she will tell you what she will or have cooked for breakfast. So fixated with the dunia masakan, kalau dia tak masak pun, she will tell you apa orang lauin masak i.e. time dia kesiangan dan menapau nasik lemak depan rumah nya..so she will tell you what lauk she picked. She is the expert, I'm telling you. If one member cakap, her kari ikan or assam pedas tak jadi, this chef can tell from afar yang apa condiment yang kurang. You bagitau lah dia yang ayam masak kicap you tetiba rasa macam Milo Ice, she will say, ohh..tadi you agaknya tertuang Milo instead of kicap Mahsuri ..gittew. Since your 'force' entry into this group, you taktau nak balas conversation nya tang mana..ye lah, kepandaian memasak hanyalah limited kepada mihun goreng, tu pun atas bantuan serbuk perencah. For the life of you, you can never tell what effect a daun kesum can have in a lauk let alone to disperse petua on how to defrost ayam tanpa membuang rasa 'manis' ayam tu. Hek elehh...tah mana part yang manis kat ayam tu pun you taktau, apatah lagi nak tolong preserved, kan??? Once upon a time The Chef was a banker. But she said she had enough of trouble orang gaji lari..pendek kata, in her household, yang belum lari dari rumah nya hanyalah dirinya..so she said to her Encik Asben, she want to be FT mum. She has started her FT chef job last year, so since last year lah conversation dia dgn orang adalah berkisar tentang serai dan patologi Ikan.

2) The busiest PA
Yes, you hardly hear her talk..apart from ocassional hello...salam...stresss stresss hu hu hu. But a round of applause is due to her. Sebab dalam pada dia busy-busy tu, we know where she shopped, her selfies with recent handbag, her selfies at high tea, tea party, slap up dinner function, her spotless office desk, pemandangan dari dalam kereta berlatar belakangkan lambang Lexus dan accessories terbaru dirinya.

3) The Born Again Muslim
Once upon a time, she was ALL that. Boipren keliling pinggang. Admirer taking turns to pursue her. Satu pergi seploh mari orang kata. Kalau hari ni clash dgn boipren C, she no need to nangis-nangis or buat post mortem perasaan to see or reflect what went wrong. All that NO need. Because by the time C is 2 step behind, D dah datang ketuk pintu. Gittew lah popular nya. POMMM! She went for Umrah. She came back Wardina bordering Abby Abadi. Everything is Islamic. It seems like she has no recollection at all about her past. Her daily posting is ayat-ayat Quran, Hadith and the like. Syukurrr. But the problem with born again Muslim ni...like what I just said, she has no recollection about her past. Everything that came out from her mouth are so militantly extreme that you even question where have you known her from...sekolah pondok ke aku dulu? Gittew. To this born again Muslim, syiar Islam orang lain semuanya salah...tak macam dia punya. Like any other muslim extremist, she is also anti Yahudi. Not only Yahudi....she is also actively hating other non Muslim. She is against anything that have no sijil halal...including ABC kedai Swee Kang yang dia dah pulun dari zaman telanjang dia tu. Cadbury furore has turned her hysterical...in her FB. If your tudung is not syariah compliant...short of few cm maka your tutup aurat effort is useless. Her ustaz of course is better than yours. You don't play-play.

4) The Entrepreneur
Okay, truth be told, she was the one who initiate the group...hence the admin. Well, her ayat penyedap ego was, masa kita kat sekolah, kita adalah puak2 yang happy. She misses all that and wish to relive the glory of girls just wanna have fun (katanya) again. FUN lah sangat. After a while, you are struggling to define FUN in between iklan supplement Cakleee and Telekung Lycra murah. Her idea of fun is you ordering kuih muih cupcakes kek bertingkat laskar pelangi on a weekly basis. Then of course, her signature health products cures all the penyakit in the worls (kecuali mati) and she got the longest testimonial of her happy customers that she is more than happy to cut and paste and flood your timeline with.

5) Nabila Huda (The)
Hmmm. She got reputation...but she was the pandai one. She and Born Again Muslim was orbiting the same galaxy. With the label, no prize in guessing whether or not dia dah dapat cahaya kebenaran macam Born Again Muslim. Now, she became Born Again Muslim target to nasihat. Nabila Huda being her Nabila HUda self, today if you tegur she V shape t shirt is dangerously low, tomorrow she will upload her pic with two piece bikini sipping ....Sangria. You think she care ah? Secretly we think Nabila Huda enjoyssss being the centre of kutuk attention. The more you kutuk, the more she will tell you she don't care what you think....though...if you read between the line, she actually care so much that she upload her daring photos daily. She wants you to say something about her smoking and drinking. Of course she care...kalau tak takkan dia update status dia berhentikan anak dia dari sekolah KAFA, ye tak? Dia nak kau meghoyan lah tu Born Again Muslim oiii....

6) The Reluctant Members
There are 4 of us. The only text you can see from us is 'Wasalam'. Sebab tak jawab salam kann dosa..nak nak situkang bagi salam dah demand you jawab salam nya and those dalam hati version is not counted. The 4 members...god knows mencari alasan high and low nak keluar group. But together they fear, the other 5 members kecik ati. So they endure...endure..and endure. Accumulating dosa kering they said. One was saying that No. 1 and No. 3 should have their own group because ..they both chatted so much about things only the both know. Hek elehhhh. If No. 1 masuk cakap pasal Ayam Rosemary, No. 3 will sing her praises like No. 1 akan masuk syurga or collect banyak pahala sebab melayan swomi nya. The reluctant members has long suspected that No. 4 is the dalang...and that she (No.4) created the group is for the sake of nak majukan bisness. One of the reluctant member asked, eh..if No. 3 is so alim, why is she pokpeking about malam jumaat business with No.1 and No.4?  But we really have to salute this bunch of reluctant members...they care about the other 5 feelings so much that they are dying inside something rotten. Biorlah dosa kering bertimbun tapi sesungguhnya, kita jgn lah keluar dari group ni takut kengkawan kita tu kecik ati.

7) The One That Got Away
Muahahahahahhaha. It is me. The reluctant members was saying that I missed a lot of news because I left the group. Truth is..they are envious. How did I got out?  Well...people say, the crime that you must watch out for is the opportunist crime. I took the opportunity and strike. Something like kes ragut but of course, not as bad as that. I have endured so many bullshit. Air mineral haram sebab jirat cina malarkey, some silly fatwa don't know written by who...all those ayat suci yang di translate mengikut citarasa dan mood sendiri oleh Born Again Muslim. One day, can't remember who...shared the picture of orang mati. Well..BINGO. I gave my piece of mind with onslaught of kata-kata hikmah lagi psycho. Then I click exit group and delete. How brazen. I told the reluctant members...keep looking for more opportunity to escape. This WhatsApp group is like a house with no pintu pintu belakang. You cannot leave senyap2. Your exit will be published and forever scarred the brain of the other hardcore members. I know of the other two who got away..but the trouble that they had to go through...telling the other phone depa hilang and phone baru takdak WhatsApp and secretly had to maintain the other phone line other group members don't know about. The price they have to pay is to hidup dalam ketakutan....ketakutan untuk terserempak dgn member No. 4 in the real world and forced again to give phone numbers to be re added.

Nasib la kau Melah ehh.


Psst. I am planning to make this blog exclusive for a little while. This is your opportunity to be gone forever as a protest for my fickle-mindedness.But to those who wish to stay, you know what to do. :)  If I am gone, I am gone okayyy?  Tata bebeh.

Equal Ops Racist

Yuhuuuu uols. Tell me why we are so addicted to social media bendalah punca nya kenaikan BP yang bertingkat-tingkat?

Disebabkan saya ni telah menjadi penduduk area Jin Bertendang ni...well, to some, but ni lah tempat nya I cari makan ye uols, sejauh-jauh alam pun. ...maka adalah wajar jugalah saya masuk Pesbuk page diorang yang rerata ahlinya adalah berbangsa Chee Chong Fun ittew.

Setelah menduduki Negara-Negara luar dari Malaya, rasanya, bangsa yang boleh digeneralise adalah bangsa Yennadey je uols. Walaupun mereka adalah British Yennadey, and I am sure people can vouch this, berlagak tak hengat bila mendapat kuasa tu adalah perkara biasa.

Semasa saya menolak trolley dulu, pernah juga Yennadey yang berpassport BIRU dan berkemahiran ber skipping USA ..err USA ye walaupun nama nya Tharumalinggam Veerasamy..tu dia hengattt. Biasalah USA uols, po tayyy toesss, oh my guard...gittew...telah mendemand dia pakai toilet Business Class kerana katanya dia tak nak share dgn bangsa Yennadey yang lain yang tak reti menjaga kebersihan katanya. Katanya lagi...SQ musti mau ada toilet untuk European dan American.

Seperti biasa, saya hanya mampu menjawab, our lavatory is open to all nationals, Sir :)

Then masa saya kerja dgn gomen UK kannn....opkos ramai medical professional nya berbangsa Yennadey. Di Uk pulak Yennadey kenkadang ber feeling mereka lagi whackkkk dari gagak. Nak nak yang muda2, as if Rappers Snoop Dog tu sebanrnya berbangsa Yennadey la mereka tiru dressing and style abis-abisan. Ptuiii.

Berlagak nya...tuhannn sajalah yang tahu.

With social scenery in Malaya goings sideways now...ye lah, dgn Melayu ngata Cina, Melayu ngata Hendia etc etc, dengan kewujudan PEKASAM yang konon nya nak menyelamat kan melayu, hel elehhhh haiii.

Lately pulak...ada pulak lah yang buat mcm mcm provocation kannn, dgn memula tu si Sohai dua ekor tu ajak Muslim bukak puasa dgn Bak Kut Teh. Maka ngamuk lah melayu...tanpa mereka sedari yang reaction tu lah yang si sohai dua ekoq tu nak tgk. Bangsa melayu and babi, like allergic kuasa dewata gitu. DNA babi terlepas masuk dalam badan, nak cuci darah lah sanggup nya.

The Melayu said..the sohai insulted the Muslim. But ramainya jejantan muslim pi melepak kat Subang Parade sewaktu semayang Jumaat, tak lah pulak menghina agama, kan?

Dua hari lepas, adalah sorang MELAYU ni ngamuk dalam FB page tempat I kerja ni. Katanya posting dia (yg mempromote kelas exercise) telah di padam oleh admin yang juga adalah Ching Chong Fun. Dia tuduh admin adalah racist dan mengeluarkan kata2 kesat barat ye uols. Sampai I terpanggil la untuk tegur. I ni kan kenkadang suka pulak ter emo dgn kebodohan melayu...ye lah, buat malu lah depan kaum  Ching Chong Fun tu kann? I cakap lah..tengok la rules page ni, activity business mmg tak dibenarkan. Takdenya racist oii.

Dia kata I kiss ass tau, uols!!! Pastu habislah dia panggil orang retard lah eff eff semua kluaq dan puak Ching Chong Fun ni pulak dgn diplomatic nya menjawab tohmahan.

Wah uols...kenapakah bangsa Melayu kita jadi kurang hajar camtu uols? I banyak betul tengok komen kata2 kesat. Nak kata Ching Chong Fun tu mulia sangat bahasa idok lah I tahu kan..kalau memasing dah komen cakap Cina, but yg melayu ni cepat benar jump the gun, dan bercakap mcm orang tak sekolah!

Then I pulak still cannot brain iklan-iklan jamu Melayu yang musti cakap, suami saya kata semenjak saya minum air akar etc etc, saya telah ketat etc etc macam memula kawin. Ewww tau uols..ewwwwww!

I think it would be unfair to generalise race...ye lah, kalau yang dah keturunan kuat mencarut tu uols, tak kisah lah melayu ke Cina kannn?

Karang kalau kita kata, bangsa Melayu ni tak rajin membaca dan kureng ilmu, kecik lah pulak hati. Tapi memang betul tau. Tadi I sindir kawan FB I ni sedas...well setelah hati dah tak tertahan-tahan dgn posting sengal nya yg sekejap-jekap Prf Muhaya pastu bila dia sampuk langsuir, mencai maki bagai... dia telah share satu fatwa or hadis lah konon yang kita ni takleh panggil laki kita Ayah ka, Daddy etc..or kita ni takleh panggil bini kita Ummi ka Mama ka..sebab akan disamakan dgn maksud nama itu..like, you call your husband Daddy, haram..dia laki kau, bukan Daddy kau. Something like that lah kann.

Bodoh nya uolssss. Siapa lak kata nama panggilan cenggitu haram? Kita ni kalau nak panggil laki kita Gajah Liar pun boleh ye....idok ke terfikir, yang Allah itu maha bijaksana, kita ni panggil satu nama sebab nak standardise kan , ye lah...nak panggil laki kita baby, anak bungsu pun kita panggil baby..lahhh.

Whilst one can understand that a person opinion may differ, like, kita tak lah boleh rasa kita ni je yang betul...kan? Tapi, apakah bodoh sangat kita takleh nak berfikir menda-menda yang logic?

This lady, sokmo share status UAI tu...hamboiii tak cukup dgn share status, dia tambah perisa lah lagi dgn kata-kata hikmah dia. You know, dia ni set-set setazah dah sekarang....dah pakai jubah gittew padahal masa kat sekolah dulu, kalau balik dari dating dgn pakwe ke 18 dalam masa setahun, siap bertanda-tanda kat leher ye!!! Dia bagi lah lecture kat all those fomfuens yg tak makai tudung ni (I yang tak ber cover ni..adakalanya terasa lah jugak..but hey...) and she cakaplah, don't be so berlagak and say kita kubur lenlain etc SEBAB BESOK YANG NGURUSKAN JENAZAH KO..ORANG LAIN GAK..katanya.

The fact that I pernah ternampak dia masa menziarah kematian, takde pun dia nak offer baca yassin, lagi dia mau cakap cenggitu, kann?

So, adalah status UAI yang encourage bini bagi laki kawin lebih..and dgn selamba nya I tanya dia..eh, u kan idolised pak haji tu so much, that Pak Haji kalau nak preach cara hidup bak Rasulullah nombor satu tapi dia nya bawak keta ghopa pelesit (ehh..tersasar) do you not want to share his words of wisdom yang ni pulak ke?

Berani tak jawab ye uols!

Ni lah dia melayu. Bila tegur racist, dah la mmg semenjak dua menjak terasa insecure ni jadik la racist kann? Then she PM me and kata, where's is my semangat kemelayuan?

I cakap, I ni racist gak..tapi I equal ops okay..melayu ka cina ka..hendia ka..kalau binawe, semua nya akan kena sedas.

Don't talk lah about semangat kemelayuan with me...if you are so melayu, why you hantar message dgn ayat sy nk tanye awak, ap mslh u dgn owg mayu..

Hek elehh..bahasa melayu tak nak respek, lagi mau question I punya semangat melayu???

Podah la...

When Difficult Conversations Go Wrong

Have you been there? Well...we all have.

We all know that we're meant to discuss problems like a rational adult. But one can't help to get emotional...and personal. Tupp....conversation escalates into a row.

People kann..always blame their current state of mind. Ohh I was a bit emosi lah masa tu, sebab I dah takleh muat baju favourite I...

Perlukah kita menyesal bila kita ter bergaduh pulak dgn orang bila tak semena-mena? Well, yes and no. All I can say is that how you feel afterwards.

If you feel useless, hopeless what have you...then yes, analyse lah balik. You both maybe wasn't in the right state of mind. But knowing yourself better, would you have a long conversation with a friend if your mind ada DNA babi..well I mean, contaminated? (disturbed)

Conversation between two person or more, should come with a warning. Ada benda yang orang cakap, kita tak suka dengar. Pastu emo. Kalau emo tu yang bangsa dok dendiam dan pujuk diri sendiri ataupun tunggu kena pujuk, takpelah jugak. But kalau dapat jenis yang emo dan terkeluar true colour i.e. perangai lahanat cam bebudak, then you know..it wasn't conversation that you had with this kind of people, but it is a power struggle actually.

People should address their bigger issue, separately..maksud I, kalau you memang ada issue dgn orang lain, jangan lah pulak nak emo dengan orang lain, kan? We often bring up an issue with the aim of getting our point across and getting our own way.

Well, sometimes when you can't, too bad lah kan.

One unsuccessful conversation, is not the end of the world. It may cost a friendship..or a relationship...but if you rethink, your issue with that person is just an accident waiting to happen. So, if you have parted ways because of bad conversation, then..you should by all mean..bersyukur lah ko ada excuse nak blah.

Masa I balik kampong bebaru ni..well, I happy tau balik kampong..walaupun orang tak happy...takpelah nak buat cemana kann? Orang suka tengok I miserable kot. This good friend of mine sudah berpotong cake dgn BFF nya. Dah banyak kali jugak lah mereka ni potong cake, but this guy dalam pada dia tu diva nak mampus, senantiasa mengingati budi baik orang tu kat dia...

I cakap lah dgn this guy...you tak bercerita keburukan dia kat orang pun dah kira baik la. You cannot always feel indebted to him (walaupun mmg lah BFF nya tu yang bersusah senang bersama) but to have a hold on people just because ko banyak menabur budi, then perhaps, you should question lah..ikhlas ke ko menolong in the first place?

I have deal with a lot of stonewaller (err menda ni Makji?------> People who flatly refuse to discuss problems and like to walk away..thinking that that make them a champion) enough to know that if you keep meeting this kind of person along your way, then your relationship dgn dia mmg la ber problem. Your difficult conversations maybe a warning signs.

Some of us may find it difficult to deal with the one yang asal nak bercakap heart to heart je, nangis. It begs you to think that dia sesaja je nangis sebab nak menang. Childish sungguh! Come up lah with so many excuse pun...but if your cries get in way, bila nya nak solve problem, kan?

I have been in a counselling where in woman...sokmo nangis aje bila dia nak start cakap. Sessions yang ke empat pun masih nangis (ngabiskan duit NHS betul tau!) sampai I fed up and tanya, everytime you want to talk about it, you cry. Nampak sangatlah willingness nak membaikpulih issue tu takde langsung, sokmo dek bagi excuse je. This is me...I am vulnerable like this, katanya ...when secara terang nya bermaksud, I will do exactly what I like (crying)

If you are this fictitious emotional wreck, be mindful that..orang akan fed up jua. nangis lah dua hari dua malam...fine, then enough with that, deal with your problem head on lah.

We cannot change other people ye adik-adik..but what we can do is to change our reaction to them..no matter who you're talking to be it crazed hostage taker. If kalau orang tu mmg set-set nak menag aje, give them lah what they want....they want you to know they're upset with you, kan? Biaq lah...so you're upset, and?

Babaiii....

When Women Should Just Shut Up

You know....once upon a time ago when Abby Adidas was this what his face wife and was two timed, she really mengaruk like mad. She go and serang the laki..and not only that, thanks to kepandaian dia pakai computer maka dapat lah dia meluahkan segala rasa kat media social kann?

But then it gets too much..sampai orang yang asalnya kesian pun jadi menyampah dan terlintas lah dalam hati kata..laaaa, patut lah laki kau buat cenggitu.

Then pompuan pelakon yang ber chenta pulak dgn laki orang tu. The fact of the matter is the jantan tu memanglah siamang..but his siamangness got concealed by suara-suara tak ferlu bini dan gilpren nya.

Gilpren rasa dia dipihak yang benar nak saman bini orang tu....hek elehh. Walaupun kau tu, katalah..di orat secara berhemah oleh jantan tu, but knowingly you are in such pickle situation, well, nobody will take it kindly kalau ko kawan dgn laki orang, biarlah kalau bini boipren ko tu gamaknya tgh koma kat sepital.

Tak pasal-pasal lah ko kena kutuk kannn? Kena kutuk dgn Mak Merah lagi. Mak Merah dah le kutuk dgn penuh emo.

Then you nak simpati lah kat bini nya....but hey, dia pulak sama naik kata..well something in the line of terseksa la laki kena hambik and they are on the verge of splitting because of his rowing eye gitu. But, kalau barang yang dah ko nak hantar ke charity shop, perlukah nak menangisi barang tak guna tu lagi? Dah nak bercerai dah pun kannn?

I think in her case, she might win millions applaud if she cakap...hah? she's welcome to him lah...dah puas dah I and of course, take him to the cleaners lah kannn? Toksah lah main berebut anak pulak...macam Abby dedolu (pre ambik gambot telekung matching) bila Memek bergambo dgn anak-anak dia.

Then you hear Abby and her 2nd marriage. Dah pulak kata budak tu tak matang. Dia matang sangat ke masa ko kawin dulu? Pastu pi ajaq anak hang pi buat video bodo pujuk pak tiri nya.

Syaddap boleh tak..syaddap?

As much as you all minat kat anak ND Lalat tu, mulut dia boleh gak tahan laju nya not to mention over nak mampus lah kannn? Lari dari umah, buat video upload yutiup. Wahh...inside kain also want to share ah?

Then to those yang segala macam gambo nak di share kat IG. Pastu marah lah bila ada orang tegur2. Hek elehh....dah ko volunteer segala info kau kat dalam tu, bila orang nak korek, ko boleh pulak cakap..hormatilah privacy saya...gittew.

Dalam melodi jangan kata lah kann....happy kot kena interview bila suruh buruk kan laki. Well, jantan jahanam memang patutlah diburuk kan ye uols....but save it for the Tok Kadi lah. Kalau ko dah bercerita sana sini dan become publicised, you think that good for nothing laki kau tu idok ke nak gunakan against you?

Selalunya..pompuan yang kuat komplen ni, bila dibawak ke muka counselling, bila disuruh bercakap..langsung takdak idea. Ye lah...dah pi bazir minyak tempat lain kan?

Here's to..bercakaplah bila perlu dan tepat pada waktu nya. :)

Ciao.

Penyakit 2 ke 3 Kali Setahun

How far should a woman trust her instincts on men? Where does truth lead to and paranoia take over? And what price is too high to pay?

Trust your instincts but don't react until you have validated your suspicion. :-) At least that's how I've rolled. :-)

Gitu mukadimah nya....

Hey uols...dalam flight bebaru ni....oh yes, despite everyone worries, I flew with MH. Ada kejadian menyakitkan hati jugak but Allah telah bayar cash memandangkan beg I tu sebenornya penuh dgn barang orang yg I tolong bawak balik, maka pegawai airport yang baik hati telah meng upgrade kan I ke seat upperdeck. Heeee...happy I.

Memula..seat sebelah I macam kosong..I pun rasa sangat happy lantas adalah chance untuk membuat macam private cabin sendiri but tetiba..ada sorang budak fomfuens telah memint kebenaran untuk duduk disana daripada pramugariks tu. Pramugariks yang terpaksa membaikkan diri sebab menjaga class upperdeck terpaksa la kata ye, ye tak?

The lady was so fidgety...kejap adjust itu, kejap adjust ini..kejap bangun..kejap duduk dn I perasan tangan nya menggeletar. Setelah kami selamat take off dengan senget dan lambat nya, maka dia pun start lah angkat engkah angkat engkah...hihihi.

Kerimasan (dan well, hate to admit that I am actually a nervous flyer too) dan oleh kerana peel adik tu telah menaikkan tahap anxiety I, maka I pun tanyalah...u okay? U want something?

Terus muka nya macam nak nangis uols...infact..I think she is welling up. Maka I cabut safety belt dan bangun, dan duduk kan dia. I cakap...you sit down...I can ask the crew to find you a doctor if you want. Terus dia no,no, no,no katanya..mka teresak esak dia nangis (secara senyap) dan kata..ohh I am so embarrassed ..I hate myself being like this.

Ape ke heyyy nya minah? Tapi idok la I bertanya...(sebab I bukannya kefocheeekhennn) but I just keep looking at her and tell her that she can hold my hands as long as she needs to.

Dia tanya..you a doctor? I cakap...err no. Thank god for that (cuba buat joke Chandler Bing la sangat)
So I cakap..you relax lah...and try to sleep ...so whatever that is worrying you can sleep too.

So dia dengarlah cakap I dan melelapkan mata...masih lagi pegang tangan I tu...resah lah jugak I masa tu..ye lah, how to eat kacang with one hand, kan?

Pastu dia bukak mata balik..macam nak bercakap pulak dgn I...tapi pandang tingkap pastu dan pandang I balik. I pun cakap lah...I don't want to know if you are not comfortable telling it.

Terusssss lah dia bukak cerita....yng dia ada clinical depression...dari sekolah katanya. Dia ni sekolah kat sekolah budak fomfuan yang femes tu. (patut lah pelik perangai ehhh?) Tapi katanya...dia takde mental illness..just kengkadang, dia akan rasa depress je...2,3 kali setahun gitu.

I cakap..okay. Dan senyum...dan cakap, tak apalah.If this is your 1st episode, then you have to wait for another two...if this is the 3rd one...well, hurry til next year lah.

Gelak dia. Dia Tanya balik..you think I am mad? I said..er, No. You're having your moments. It's up to you lah if you nak panggil apa...time gila ke..time sewel ka...

So we ended up berpokpek sampai airspace Lautan Hindi uolsss. Mukadimah diatas sekali tu adalah information yang telah sukarelanya dishare dgn I oleh this lady...and unsurprisingly, contributed to her excessive anxiety.

Tapi, sampai sudah dia deny dia ada mental illness and I pun tidaklah nak menjadi setan nak bagitau dia yang errr...clinical depression? Mental health? No?

I kan sudah dilabel suka buat fitnah...so, sekarang ni, kalau orang nak mengadu nasib ke apa, kita dengar saja. Tak suka dengar tutup telinga or pandang arah lain. Gittew.

So, post kali ini nak cakap pasal ni lah....uols pernah kah mengalami masa-masa depression yang hanya datang 2,3 kali dalam setahun?

Depression is ada 2. Clinical depression itu adalah sejenis penyakit kerana is terbit dgn tetiba. Kalau takat depressed saja...itu, terbit dari tekanan sekeliling kita pada masa tu. Kira, sendiri buat lah.

Clinical Depression ni dedolu kita panggil dia penyakit bipolar dan unipolar. Tapi since tahun 2000 kalau tak silap, istilah itu ditiadakan, sebab very ambiguous katanya...so ditukar kepada mood disorder. Ia..ianya adalah mental illness ye. Just because dia macam skit ulcer yang datang setahun 2,3 kali kita takleh lah kata ni sakit hinggap hinggp.

Ye, memang malu sungguh dan mengakui kita ada sakit mental. Padahal kita ada otak. Sama macam kita ada jantung. Nasib tak baik..jantung boleh tak sihat, kan? Serupa gak la dgn otak.

Biasalah manusia...manalah nak di associate kan dgn benda-benda yang memalukan?

I think some of us do suffer moments similar to this young lady....takdelah selalu tapi adalah jugak few times in a year yang kita rasa down sesangat...hanting2 hilang pun terbit rasa nak bunuh diri gitu.

Kalau ada, tidak mengapa. Ni perkara biasa...tak perlu lah makan ubat sebab kedatangan nya tak kerap. Cuma...kalau kita sendiri dah tahu kita akan mengalami saat-saat cenggini, siap sedialah dgn relapse plan.

Kenkadang...ni disebabkan keadaan physical kita juga. Badan tak sihat...badan banyak toxin. Ada yang sokmo komplen pasal bentuk mukabumi tapi makan tak nak jaga...bersenam...hmmm.

Pastu klau kita dah berusia sikit, ataupun org2 pompun yang mengalami gangguan2 area dalaman...period regular lah...tak regular lah etc, pun vulnerable to rasa-rasa tertekan jua.

Tidur banyak pun....tak membantu jua. Some people appreciate extra sleeping time to compensate hours they spent tak tido during weekdays. Tapi kalau kita ni terlampau suka tidur, nak kena ada power nap la..lepas asar nap la..tah hapa-hapa nap la..then, rethink. Sleeping is also another form of escapism.

You nak escape dari apa lah?

So kesimpulannya...kita memang dalam sekali dua dalam hidup ataupun setahun...akan lah mengalami masalah mental. What people did not realise is that...it is GOOD that we acknowledge it..sebab kita dalam keadaan sedar.

Yang tak nak mengaku ni yang patut kita risau kan.....hmm.

After this, toksah lah masing2 membuat kerja bodoh bak Sharnaaz Ahmad ex boipren nya si penyanyi tu....yang pi jadi baghal pi scan otak dia nak buktikan yang dia takde problem.

Ko buatlah segala mak nenek scan pun....your doing presently can actually manifest your state of mind.If you ask me, that boy needs professional help.

Cheerio.








Sent from my iPad

Just Saying #2

Bersama-sama pakar terapi yang lain....saya akan menggossip tak hengat para-para ahli persatuan otistik tu.

Saya bertanyalah....ape ke hal nya obsess benar dgn anak 'kelainan' anak memasing ye? Jawapan Puan Terapis tu ialah..laaa, kau baru tau ke?

Ahli-ahli kekadang suka bergebang sesame sendiri...somewhere between the line merasakan yang sebagai makpak, they 'know' everything. Then you wonder why, makpak tak berenti je keroje belajar jadi therapist.

Bebaru ni saya ternampak suggestion yang....bahawasanya makpak ni merasakan yang anak mereka tu tak dipahami masyarakat dan untuk memudahkan ....maka mereka rasa, meh lah kita berpakat buat T Shirt bagi anak kita pakai....I'm Otistik, Sila Pahami Daku. Gittew.

Diriku ni tak terkata apa lah kann....sebagai terapis, sebagai pekerja social...dan sebagai responsible adult.

Iya..saya memahami yang perjalanan mak pak kekanak special needs ni agak sukar. Nak nak kat Malaya ni. Dah le gomen tak lah menolong sangatt.

Tapi...kalau kita berpakat kata, anak saya otistik sila paham peel nya yang nak berapa nak sama dgn bebudak lain, maka apa beza nya dgn kita suruh mak mak janda dan pak pak duda pakai T shirt, saya janda/dua, sila paham yang kenkadang ada masa saya akan meroyan.

Or, kat makpak kita..saya ada Alzheimer..please understand me.

Eh mak pak, kalau anak kita Autistic ka..apa-apa ka...end of the world kah?

How sure are you the community will not judge? Habih tu...orang aje ke yang perlu nak paham 'kelainan' kau?

Perhaps...parents now should consider attending therapy, eh? Anak kau kena tegur dgn orang tak boleh...habis tu kalau dia berperangai 'lain'...we are talking lain yang negative...nak dibiarkan ke tanpa modification?

Suka benar kata..ohh Negara Negara barat orang nya lebih memahami...listen listen listen yeah..sebelum diorang sampai ketahap memahami tu, macam-macam benda diorang kena face ...here's news, takde pun depa pakat bagi anak pakai T Shirt I Have Autism Please Understand me.

Ngokkk la lu.

Anak Favourite

Okay..here's Cik Siantan in action number two. I don't do personal message ye Cik Kak...I dah pernah bagi personal treatment..kononnya lah nak appreciate kesungguhan orang tu menjejaki tapak kaki I kann..but lepas tu, terasa sempit lak dunia sebab selang selangkah I berjalan, adalah yang pulak bertanya macam-macam..apa I buat, dengan siapa..kenapa etc etc.

Wehh rimas! I tak pernah control hidup orang..so janganlah ada yang nak take control hidup I pulak ye...well, just because you have been nice kannn.

So, sipenulis ni. Minat jugak I baca problem nya but sebagai seorang yang neutral kerana takde anak (unless you want to count my anak kucings) I hope I helped you with your issue.

So, let's talk about favourite child.

It's the unspoken family secret you probably daren't admit it...well even to yourself. You favour one of your children over the others...walaupun puas lah you berkompang I love them all the same.

Preferential treatment is rarely acknowledged and seldom tackled. They maybe talk of Mummy's Boy and Daddy's Girl but I think it is more often used to describe the preference of the anak. Tengoklah kann..budak tu incline sayang kat siapa.

However, such unequal love can cause lasting damage. A favoured child is at risk kena cemburu oleh adik beradik lain lah kira nya...not only that, the kononnya less favoured will have less self esteem and mula lah nak menyalah kan orang.

For parents, as their child grows up, the parents may have their own ambitions for their child and be disappointed if they are not met. Parents have hidden hopes for their child to be talented and popular. I think sometimes parents tend to forget that although memanglah ko yang membuat budak2 tu, tapi budak2 tu adalah individu tersendiri, okay?

Often we don't know why we are tempted to love one child more than the other. Like any relationship there are times when you just seems to click with someone and share the same affinity. When I was growing up, I do things my father like...orangtua tu berabis duit beli Encylopedia...I lah dok menyelak-nyelak (you want to know how I know about all USA Presidents? )

So what if you favour one child more than the other? Natural lah kannn...sometimes I cannot understand all these fusses made by anak KKS yang dok la kata mak pak I tak sayang I.

Kan senang je..kalau mak pak kita tak berapa nak favour kita sangat, maka usahlah mengharap kita nak sayang dia sebanyak lori. Thing is, sometimes..there are feelings yang terbit dari hati kita sendiri. Kita rasa macam ni...and macam ni. It is up to us if we want to use this against us. So what lah kan..ko tak sayang aku (sangat) and I am feeling exactly the same.

Ada orang rasa, dia adalah perfect child, sebab dia dgn conscious nya tak pernah nyusah kan makpak nya. Feeling that, maka dia pun rasa dia adalah sangat bagos antara adik beradik nya. Well, how can you know that..unless you sendiri nak dictate kat makpak you yang I am this perfect child...berpangkat tinggi etc etc and tak pernh nyusah kan uols. Dan I jugak adalah ATM machine.

Hew..Hew..hewww.

Perasaan macam bagos ni...kita diskus lah dikemudian hari ye.

I think as a person, it is really our choice to feel kita ni disayangi oleh mak pak atau tidak. Someone told me..dia rasa pak dia tak sayang dia sebab dia adalah anak hasil accident. Maybe lah..I pun taktau lah kannn sebab idoklah pernah I interview apak nya, but judging from perangai pompuan ni yang sokmo merasakan dunia tak adil padanya, padahal berlambak anak-anak mangsa dera bapak yang lagi gulap gulita masa depan tidak pun mengomplen mengeluh sebanyak dia. So, you have opted to be so miserable and using that ko bukan anak kesayangan excuses, nasib kau lah kannn?

Sometimes s a parents, we bound to feel that we are not close to that 'one child'. There's a child that hardly demand your attention and another that constantly menaikkan darah. Of course you gave more time to the troublemaker and by dealing with it, you may feel triumphed. Ye la..kalau anak tu malas belajar, ko gasak sampai dia rajin, tak ke ko rasa bangga? The quiet one will then go unnoticed as you don't feel that with him/her you achieved much as they have done it all without you.

But being the favourite can come with a cost too because knowing it can engender all sorts of guilt. Ye la...ko kan budak cerdik..makpak bagi lah energy lebih sikit..so yang tak berapa cerdik, macam keciciran perhatian gitu dan most probably not doing as well as you.

Yes, favouritisms hurts but you seriously can't help it. We have our own reason why we like one thing better than the other. However this feeling is best unspeakable....your kids, whether you like it or not, bound to use it against you.

It is in our nature to hurt others too...kan? Cases where you need your disappointment to be heard, you cakaplah benda macam, ye lah..mak kn sayang so and so lebih, and not me. Even if your mak sayang so and so lebih with obvious reason why (say..her first born kan?) and that fact doesn't even lessen her love to you, tetap lah jugak ko nak nyakitkan ati orang tua tu kan?


Sekian. Bye London for now.
 

Sent from Samsung Mobile

Bila Semuanya Nampak Macam Bagosss.....

This came through my inbox. Sesekali dalam bulan yang berwarna biru, I will take up Cik Sri Siantan role.

 

But jangan dibuat selalu ya...you know, as much as you ingat I ni kawan you and nak meluah masalah, risks are, apa yang I cakap you takkan suka pastu akan tarik muka. That's fine. Kalau kawan you tu set-set radio rosak i.e. bebalik masalah yg itu tapi action plan nya takda pun..maka jagalah hatinya dgn kata, okaylah..you nak offload, offload lah..I dengar je...don't expect my 2 cents la..since you are happy to hang on to your misery...longer.

 

The sender, is a married woman with two kids. Husband never show her affection but he is a good father to their two children. This woman recently met a man and fallen deeply in love for the first time in her life katanya (over tau...bila dah dapat gading bertuah, macam gading tu aje lahhh yang bertuah..padahal gading yang lama tu dah ko lenjan sampai beranak dua..ops!)

 

The woman said, she would love to begin a new life with him (the new man) but it would mean leaving her children behind. She is following the new boipren to his home country. She thinks this is unforgivable.(err, adakah boipren kak tu orang Nigeria kak oiiii? habih la janji manis miewww)

 

So you want to know what I think, eh?

 

First of all, I see 4 issues with you now, wahai pompuan kurang kasih saying...1) The state of your marriage  2) The impact of your choice on your children  3) Your new relationship and 4) 'What beginning of new life' would mean.

 

You said your husband show no affection or barely...what about you? Do you show him affection too? Or you memang set-set nak tunggu orang je buat first move? It takes two for a situation such as this to become entrenched. Reviewing your marriage is an option, though you would need to take the lead. Naturally most women would say...I soooo have tried all that. You know what? You actually haven't. Have lah in a way, but not much. Buat benda dalam keadaan hati yang sakit, where got work, mahh? To understand a person will take years. Even if you dok dengan orang tu sampai dia mati pun, you will still wonder why he/she do certain thing..kan?

 

This is a situation in which you have to balance what you owe to yourself and what you owe to your family...I mean, well, you are about to break up a family, kan? Leaving your husband, detaching him from his children (assuming you lah dapat jaga anak-anak munyit tu) would hurt both husband and children terribly. If you leave without them...well, I don't know how you will feel. Since we are discussing this, I don't think you leaving is the major problem to you, emotionally.

 

If you love your children no less, with or without their father in tow...there would be a stability. They will have their home, their father and your love, though afar. If you stay but are miserable, it would hurt them as well, particularly if they feel you sacrificed your happiness for them.

 

This new man, how well do you know him to sacrifice your convenient? Can you over-depend on him? Do you know about his family and friends in his country? You are together here, out of his context and it will be different when you move to his homeland. Have you ever discussed these things realistically?

 

Unless you tell us all, I am going to assume you fell out of love with your husband because he don't show you affection. Have you asked? Unless you are this egocentric who feel that love is a one way street, maybe we shouldn't bother about proposing project memikat suami, eh?

 

Like this ah, only you who knows what is the real problems here. Whether you want to try and revive your marriage, I am sure you have...thought it through. I think...for your own security, write down your options, the pros and cons of each, and also write what you would do if things don't work out. Imagine how you would feel in each case. You need careful consideration. Once you are sure, just go forward without regrets.

 

Words of advice, mistakes is a good reminder of a next decision making.

 

Babaiiii....

 

 

Sent from Samsung Mobile

Leg Control

Aman betul hidup bila tidak ada paksaan dalam blogging nih....cehhh tetiba sangat!

Menulis ni adalah satu activity yang tidak boleh dipaksa-paksa gittew. Nak nak pula apabila ianya hanyalah activity yang diamalkan secara suka suka. Nanti dari suka jadi tak suka la gamak nya.

Hari ini adalah hari berjumpa Boss.  Oh..disclaimer,  saya adalah ahli terapi yg sangat berdedikasi. Secara professional nya seorang ahli terapi misti me refresh 'tenaga' nya setiap 3 bulan. Cara me refresh ialah dgn berdiskus masalah kerja dgn supervisor.

Sepanjang bekerja kat KL, saya mcm terpaksa rela jumpa patients yg bawah umur. Honestly. ..merawat dan bekoje dgn kekanak bukan lah forte saya. Pengalaman tu ada...tapi pengalaman tu saya kurang gemar. Kekanak di negara homputis ni dikawal mcm menatang minyak panas. Tu belum ber dealing dgn mak pak mereka yg lebih kurang je perangai. Opsss.

Tapi one thing yg saya suka...kat negara homputis ni..makpak dia tak denial. Anak mereka autistic. ..to them bukan macam dunia nak ditimpa bah.

Homputis ni..sangat realistic dlm membela anak.  How the child might turned out. ..is not their main worries.  Gasak la kalau nak jadi kobau balau .

Jarang sgt dengar anak n menantu ada crisis. Sebab nya...masing masing tak payah nak impress sesapa. Bukan mcm family melayu kannn...ko nak anak orang tu...ko kena berkempen  nak bagi satu family dia suka kat kau.

Nak kata homputis ni tak sayang or tak protective kat anak2 depa tak la jugak. Bila anak2 depa ada potensi nak berlakikan kutu berahak...makpak akan luahkan la isihati depa kat anak depa tu yg depa tak la berkenan dgn boipren/gepren anak mereka tu. Tapi...bila isihati mereka tu hanya didengar bak angin lalu dek anak2 depa maka tidak lah mereka nak membuang masa bercakap benda yg sama, ye tak?

Kesimpulannya...dalam pada kita org melayu ni rasa kitalah bangsa yg paling mesra alam dan bertoleransi yg tinggi...kita juga mengamalkan sikap kronisme n nepostisme yg sama tinggi dgn gunung Kilimanjaro tu.

Apa tak nya....kalau bakal menantu tu set set yg tak reti nak mengambik hati kita, jgn le dia harap kita akan bagi dia our full seal of approval ye?

Hakikat yg susah kita nak telan ialah kita ni sebenarnya adalah manusia gila kuasa, dimana kalau dapat kuasa untuk menentukan siapakah yg layak untuk jadi menantu, confirmed kita akan mati dalam keadaan yg amat puas.

Kita rasa kita sebagai mak dan bapak dan telah makan terlebih garam dan kita harus dihormati bak President Libya gitu. Err...kalau budak2 tu bawah 12 tahun okay la jugak ko nak paksa paksa mcm tu.

Tapi kalau anak2 tu set set umur yg dah kuat kaki tangan nak lari dari rumah, masih ke lagi nak didik budak tu ala2 askar Jepun?

In a relationship too....bila kita adopt role yg sedikit dominant maka mula la kita berfeeling feeling yg partner kita tu kena dena cakap kita sokmo.

Disebabkan kita ni sangat penting dalam hidup seseorang atau pun sesetengah golongan manusia, adakah bermakna kita ni sentiasa betul?

Should we keep excusing our controlling nature as caring? Ohh...I care about you, don't want to see you get hurt yadidaa....

But somehow it is okay when we are the one who is actually the one who's inflicting the pain.

But trust you, me...even if we flew out to the moon and back, we will still oblivion to the fact that we are the control freak.

We make mistakes. ...okay. We will learn.  But others....cannot.

Have we thought about this?

Just Saying

Hello uols (yang tah siapa-siapa) yang dikasihi....nahh terimalah update I.

I am not going to start with explaining excuses...what that it has been a while since the last one. Of course there's things to do. It probably seems like nothing, but yes..there's many things.

Then I have fur-kids. A responsibility bestowed to me. Yes, I like to do things for people. Ada yang pandai appreciate. Ada yang...patut didoakan pergi mati. But the cats are my companion.

Talking about companion...there's those who make you happy. Ada yang, tak. Like the kengkawan...you need them. But there are times when you...have that arghhh not really feelings. 

I can only hope people enjoy my company. I am not easy to deal with...that much I know. Sometimes, I don't want to do things you like. At times, I don't like what you do. On good days, I will let it pass...you can say stuff to me that nothing in my bones finds it offensive.

But there are days...that the sight of you may menyakitkan hati.

As a person..it is important that we know these weaknesses of ours so that it will be easy for us tolerate the weakness of others.

People may see us....this tak kisah happy happy three bags full person yang katanya nak bukak penutup mineral water pun tak larat.

But there are times we are this control freak with Everest expectations. We have standards..we want things our way...because it is the right way. We think.

I have bad days. I have days when I don't mince my words. I have days when I feel so lonely.

I am currently in a place where I can be happy. Familiar environment make me feel at ease.Deep inside I think about my cats because I hardly spend more than a day away from them. I talk to the cats when nobody is talking to me.

Some people have endured unsavoury remarks...pick on their helmet, their lack of refreshing smells...and perhaps their androgyny style. When all this came in that joke package, you will  see that way. The light hearted way.

Some people took it all. We probably don't get over defensive as there maybe no truth in it.

I said to someone before, if you said something to people and they get defensive gila-gila...and, most probably, the blinkered truth is staring at them.

Well, be prepared to be called vindictive and never get spoken to again.

~Just Saying~

Displaced Emotion

Bersawang dah blog ni..hewww hewww hewww..bak kata Faizdickie ....Faiz who? Go follow his IG lah. Kenkadang senak perut membaca..tapi bila lelama..terserlah pulak pesona yang disimpan dalam-dalam yang si empunya diri tu tahu mmg kalau dia jadi dirinya sendiri, sure ramai yng akan baling buah lemon.

Those yang telah bersusah payah cuba menjejak I...through email address orang lain...hiks..sila lah godak page ni, nescaya dapat lah you cari email address I. Kesian tau pegawai negara terhormat tu jadik secretary...jatuh standard nya.

Setakat hari ni aircraft yang tetiba ghaib tu belumlah lagi dijumpai. Macam orang lain...I masih lagi berfeeling Cik Z Sameon..tapi bila dah lama-lama dgn janji janji dan info sesia yang kita tgk kat TV, I pun dah tak tau nak rasa apa.

You know how these media people like to hound the families for news. My opinion aside lah kann...but of course the puak-puak yang kehilangan masa ni lah akan meng erase segala kenangan buruk. If one lost a son walaupun anak nya tu species tanggang, sure omak nya akan meratap hiba dan memberitahu reporter yang anak nya itu adalah anak yang soleh lagi mithali.

But....hmmm....berat sikit lah I nak cakap but I have seen it a lot lah...kepada puak-puak yang di expect untuk mempunyai emosi yang normal i.e. if you have lost a laki in a disaster, orang luar sana akan expect you meraung raung cam kaplam tak pun, trauma bak ayam berak kapur.

But how if...you dgn laki you tu or bini you mempunyai relationship bak Russia dan Ukraine and hanya menungu hayunan parang aje, tup tup laki you mati jatuh longkang...takkan bila reporter Tanya, apa perasaan puan you nak jawab..elok lah mampus, nykit kan ati je klau hidup pun. Tergamak kah mulut eventhough the heart is willing?

Sometime ago.I read about a police officer found dead in his car at some remote R&R. Accidental death lah sebab tido pasang aircon dlm kereta and carbon monoxide dah masuk. He was found dead with a woman who is not the wife. He told wife he was going outstation for work. And this happened. I made assumption of what actually happened, of course sokabar takde lah report lebih2 kann...police officer..pastu zaman tu, reporter bukan macam reporter sekarang, yang benda aib pun nak cerita. With that in mind, I mean..the circumstances of how he had met his death and with whom, maka pastilah reporter berfikir, laki mati satu hal...mati dgn mistress (agaknya) so, lagi mau tanyakah apa perasaan bini aruah nya? No need.

Tu belum lagi anak-anak yang kematian apak or mak yang dia sendiri tak berapa nak...err suka. Of course the community will expect you to love thy parents..warts kurap kayap and all. Mullah mereka memberi kata-kata like, cemana buruk nya mak pak kita, that's our sorgaaaa.

But can you really force a feeling? Somebody I know once told me, she hated her mother. Even when the mother died, she show no emotion..as expected. They had a rough relationship. Both never made an effort. I personally feel that her mother should have tried....because she knew better. If you raised a kid to hate you, that's exactly what you get.

When her mother was critically ill, segala mak nenek asked her to make amends. Dgn linangan ayaq mata lagi suruh dia pergi hadap omak nya sebab takut dia ni masuk neraka. She called me up. I tell her, if going to se her will upset you more, then don't go.

She asked me why I bagi nasihat puaka. I said..if you go...chances are, no amend can be done. You ended up hating your guts for trying. Or, you ended up making peace...both of you, and still you be sad because you will hate yourself for not doing it sooner. I asked her, you want to go? She said no but I just takut tulah. I said to her, if you takut dgn apa orang cakap, then u will still feel like shit bcos u allowed yourself to dengar cakap orang.

She cried when the mother died. She said..she is relieved that...there will be no more hatred. I accompanied her to the kubur. She thanked her for letting her live. That was all.

Sometimes...we just cannot love the person we are suppose to love. Why? Because we can't. With adik beradik...when you are suppose to care with one another. You can do your part, as the loving (much to your kemampuan lah kannn) sibling..but kalau perangai adik beradik you baik sikit je dari beruang lapar, how to have normal emotion to them?

You are suppose to love your parents..dek budi nya membesarkan you and you must be forever debted. Tapi kalau separuh dari hidup you hanyalah sebagai bibik ataupun ATM machine tanpa nak ditanya khabar berita..(people always expect anak to make the move but so should parents, kan?) can you still sayanggggggggg to the melimpah ruah extent?

Sayang lah..tapi sayang takat-takat tuuuu ajelah kan? Relationships is a two way street ye.

Hmmm.....

Miracles

Now that we have a closure...well just, adalah sikit mood nak menulis.

This life is full of magic. Allah can give whatever. Tetiba nanti, the aircraft will turn up. Tak pun...all the people turn up in a different flight.

We always want and hoping for miracle. I have had miracles happened to me in the past. I thought I was happy. Orang yang I chenta-chenta sejak dari I muda remaj, tetiba menjelma professing undying love gitu.

Sometimes what it is, is a prompt of closure. Sudah sudah lah mengharap. Kalau tak kita, orang lain yang gila. Well, gila is not appropriate. Hati dan kepala orang, isi nya hanya orang tu yang tahu.

Kenapa dia membuat perangai macam syaiton, hanya dia yang tahu.

I have sit in a counselling room long enough to know that...the sentence 'I don't know why I did it' is just an excuse. Seriously, an excuse.

You know exactly why you did it. Whether you nak own up ke tidak is a different story.

The mangsa bully will continue to be a mangsa bully for few reasons. People always say...only you can make how others feels about you. If you have been ill treated long, it is because you allows it.

This i so true. You can takut to the max to the pembuli. You takut kena terajang, you takut kena ugut bunuh..macam-macam. The pembuli knows your weakness. That is why they succeed.

Ada juga mangsa bully sukarela. Macam I...and few people I know. Other people is as complex as us. We don't know what we want half of the time. Some people just don't know how to change.....because they don't see why they have to and most probably, they just don't want to try.

Some years ago, someone I know mati kena bunuh. Huiyoo. I asked my MH Crew mate (she is one of the missing crew) to cilok one newspaper for me. Muka depan, kluaq gambar Mamat ni. Knowing him I know he must have done something awful (menepati reputation nya) to received a fate like that.

Then there's a picture of his grieving wife yang saluruh kelompok kengkawan nya tahu, that they marriage is still a mariage because of her perseverance. Nak harapkan jantan tu...isk isk.

She must have hoped for miracle for him to change. But the miracle that she got was...the inevitable. She is now happily married.

I was ever in love with two person in my life. The amount of time I invested to get noticed, to get affection and tah hapa-hapa benda lagi..makkkk aiii. I was hanging on to some nice things about them. When hundreds has pointed out betapa cinabeng nya ..betapa lahanat nya perangai nya dia...but there's one small gesture dia pernah buat kat I, tu lah yang I dok puja-puja. I continued to find my faults....

Only to realised that...if I had not taken my relationships for granted i.e. bagi malaun-malaun tu pijak kepala I, then I will not feel as hampeh as now.

For those still in a marriage, with extra luggage...perhaps it is so crucial to hang on to normality. Like, kalau laki you tu secara luaran nya adalah Brad Pitt yang sokmo menolong AJ menjaga anak dan juga adalah ghopa sikit, maka to come out of what others see as perfect marriage akan mengundang kutukan lah kann.

I am not going to encourage a break up. I stayed in my relationship until orang dah tak nak kat I. I know why the need to try. I have faults too.

Yes, for some people...I can only wish a miracle to come to them. Tengok lah diri sendiri. How good were we in our own relationship?

Are we just in it as a roommate or house mate? Do we know each other well enough? Siamang only noticed me towards the end of his life. Unbeknown to me (ye lahh...dia bukan nak tunjuk perasaan nya) he noticed every little things I do...and in his goodbye letters, he apologised for not giving me what I deserved.

Apology is easy. Especially bila ko dah nak mati kannn? To those who still hoping for miracles, keep trying. It is really sad being alone, tak berkawan..tak reti nak bercakap dgn orang etc. But that's the choice some people made.

Update

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Berdiam.....Is Not An Option For The Idiots

Seriously, I memang tak ada apa benda yang nak dikongsi.

Nak mengumpat patient kang...little that I know makpak nya terdiscover blog I. Dah le identity rahsia I nak terbongkar kann? Satgi misti kena keluar rumah pakai niqab.

Okay. Since the last time I was on air (pigidahhh mabuk) we have seen and heard macam-macam issue. Issue retis kawan dgn laki orang pastu demand bini orang tu mintak mahap...issue sorang menteri ni pulak...yang takde langsung PR..and of course now, as we all know, aircraft yang ghaib dgn tetiba nya.

Sebagai bekas pelayan tempat tertinggi tu...memang kita sebagai anak kapal tahu akan risk nya. We took oath okayyy. Keselamatan penumpang adalah nombor satu.

I do not want to comment about those cerita2 murah pasal pilot dan FO. Biasalah...kerja memana pun...kalau ada power lebih sikit, kaki kenkadang tak jejak bumi. Passenger ni kenkadang kalau tak dilayan, kita dikomplen nya...(kan Piah?) Tapi bila dah dibagi layanan baekkkk...bila dah jadik camni...boleh jugak benda2 tak ikut buku yang kita buat boleh digunakan against kita balik.

Alaa..katalah ko LS kann..ko salah guna kuasa sikit lah bagi kacang dua beban kat passenger yang ko rasa hensem ni. Masa dia ambik kacang tu, mulut manis. Tetiba terkeluar muka ko kat sokabar dgn caption, Ketua Pramugari amalkan favouritism bagi kacang lebih kat passenger kacak. Tak ke ko rasa nak ludah je mamat tu?

I pernah jugak fly dgn sorang dua crew yang ghaib ni. Hari-hari I skodeng FB diorang. Macam2 kata-kata semangat org bagi. I skodeng jugak FB kengkawan yg masih fly dan yang dah resign..semuanya sedih, sepilu pilunya ngenang kan kengkawan, rakan seperjuangan yang sama mencari makan..sama gi membuat jahanam..(hiks) ko teringat kengkawan yang sentiasa available untuk teman kau pi carik makan...dan meng offer ko tido bilik nya kalau ko takut tidur sensorang.

We are family gituuuu.

But today's posting is not about the missing aircraft. Well...sikit lah. Since aircraft tu hilang, I ni selang seminit tgk news. News TV, news FB.

Hari ni...adalah hari yang sangat menyakitkan hati jugak lah.

Bila kita tgh desperate, kenkadang orang kata...meh la jumpa bomoh...manalah tahu...tawakal etc etc. Sebagai orang melayu, toksah lah nak membongak kata tak pernah ada intervention tok moh ni. Cuma kita tidaklah publicise urusan kita dgn tok moh tu sebesar-besar nya.

Tapi bila ada tok bomoh yang datang dgn ritual yang pada kita tak terjangkau dek akal, adakah bijak untuk kita menggelakkan diorang?

I remember when I was little, ada cerita pasal pompuan lumpuh ni...hari-hari lakinya angkut dia pi tepi pantai and what he has to do is to lumurkan pasir laut tu kat kaki bininya. He said..he dah tebalkan muka dan pekakkan telinga orang kata dia macam2...dan dgn izin Allah, maka bininya pun boleh berjalan lah.

Ikhtiar nama nya. Kalau bapak kita dalam flight tu...dan ada pulak Tok Moh cakap kat kita, cuba ko makan pasir 3 hari, 3 malam...tak ke demi nak tengok balik muka Abah dan mintak mahap, ko akan buat apa Tok Moh tu cakap?

Ramai nya puak2 yang mengondem gomen, mengondem pihak2 berwajib..mak aiii...yang bercakap tu pulak, don't have to ask them about their kepakaran lah kann...ada yang naik kapal terbang pun tunggu seat murah AA, lagi mau komplen macam dia tu pegawai DCA.

Kecepatan mulut kita nak bercakap benda yang tak sedap didengar tanpa study pun adalah gigih jua. I memang lah nak suruh orang2 tertentu makan cili. Nak nak orang Malaya yang dok oversea kannn? Tak payahlah dgn rakus nya nak buruk kan Malaysia. Ko ada ke pernah bersaing dgn orang putih nak dapat kedudukan bagus dlm office? Err, what do you do? Yang banyak mulut mengondem ni kenkadang adalah buruh2 kasar aje..takpun...set-set hidup atas ihsan laki.

Sorry lah. I pernah nampak Mamat ni tulis..well, what you expect..Malaysia kann? Semua backwards...bila org komplen pasal lambatnya kita respond  pasal oil slick kat Vietnam tu. Takdelah pulak dia nak check fakta yang...ko hengat kita senang2 ke nak masuk area laut Vietnam tu?! But ofkos la...tujuan mamat ni membuat statement berbunyi bongkak gitu so that dia sesame Mat salleh2 tu boleh lah mengondem Malaysia kannn?

You dah pernah kerja dgn Mat Salleh kah? U think they are good that you must jilat their bontot just to look good as well? Podah lah.

Then ada pulak yang kata...all this publicity about ritual bomoh tu memalukan dan menunjukkan mundur nya Malaya ni. Siap buat statement SHAME ON YOU. Shame on you Malaya kah? You want to tell us you tak pernah jumpa bomoh? Just because you have Mat Salleh to back you up...tetiba pulak you nak kata element jumpa bomoh tu mundur. Podah!

Well, apa yang nak dimalukan? Kadang2 mmg tak masuk akal pun. I remember when I pergi berubat...the tukang ubat pesan jgn lalu bawah ampaian. Mulut I yang bangsat ni nak je tanya..pehal pulak...but you know, bila kita ni takde kudrat, kita diam je lah kan?

You be surprise on how quick orang kita ni nak jatuhkan bangsanya sendiri, nak kutuk system Negara nya sendiri. True...we are not perfect but untuk memajukan, bukan ke patut ada criticism yang membina?

To all these perfect citizen yang dok kata kita mundur lah...bodoh lah..perut keras dek banyak nya gelak lah...well, pandang diri sendiri dulu boleh tak?

Kalau lah kita ni mengamalkan cara hidup Islamic teramat...mungkin bolehlah kot nak bagi nasihat.

Tapi kalau diri sendiri pun dok advertise hidup menongkah arus....maka, simpanlah opinion dan joke you tu dalam perut you.

***Err, kenapa boleh buat komen, apasal tak buat benda2 tahyul ni diam2..and not attracting cheap publicity? (Katanya...) But, yang you advertise you ber parti ponggal dan gayahidup tak serupa orang tu terang-terangan, okay pulak ye?***

Once upon a time..my mother has asked a bomoh to do something...to cure my late brother's illness. That time (sebab I lah yang dihantar pi jumpa this Tok Moh) I rasa mmg tak masuk akal. But I went and asked anyway. This is my point exactly. A point of desperation. I think now..kalaulah ada yang nak kata bomoh2 tu bodoh dan mundur, layak datang dari mulut next of kin mangsa tu.

We are not in their shoes. We are not the aviation expert...and we are certainly tak pernah disuruh mencari kapalterbang hilang.

Berdiam itu...adalah lebih baik. (Well...I pun patut diam...but ni dah geram lah ni)

Jodoh....Dan LakOr

Kih kih kih...for those yang taktau...LakOr is short for laki orang. 

The best part about entertainment industry in Malaya ni, you only need to be known in one drama...jadi pembantu kedai but to ensure longevity in the entertainment scene, you need just one personal story to keep you in.

Ada yang gaduh dgn mak sendiri psl duit la...ada yang bergaduh dgn apak lah..pasal Apak kata anak dah tak respek dia...ada pulak...this yang I rasa paling kelakar, ada satu model ni kena saman den Apak kandung nya...sebab Apak kandung kata anak model tersohor nya itu telah buat fitnah dan dia amatlah stress. Puiiii sangat. Padahal Apak kandung tu setakat sperm donor je uols...membelanya idok. 

Terbaru ni....ada pulak sorang felakonnn yg sumpah sebanyak banyak drama melayu yang I dah tengok, tak pernah pun tgk dia berlakon. Harapkan nampak kat Beautiful Nara (femes tau...dok kopipes cerita org je blog Abg Nara yang ngaku kacak tu...ptuii) dan Pancaindera yang sokmo dibaca dek Kiah tu.

Felakon tu kata dia tak de boipren lakor dan cerita cerita dia ada affair dgn lakor adalah pitnah gittew. Katanya bf nya single dan available. 

Dan of course la...Malaya ni besar mana sangat kalau kau tu femes kannn? Sure ada orang nampak dan tahu. Pulak tu dgn ada nya social media, naik keta pi pasar malam pun berselfie berdua...so kau sendirilah yang tunjuk kain dalam kau kat orang kan?

Ishh....okaylah. I bukan lah nak cakap psl this actress...tapikan, in general kalau lah kita tahu kita ada hubungan dgn lakor, bijak kah meng advertise hubungan kita tu? Lain la boipren kau tu doodah kannn?

I followed this used to be and still is famous actress IG account....yg juga sudah femes menjadik bini no 2 orang. Tapi sebab lakinya tu orang terhormat, idoklah bini pertama nak sama naik pi cakap kat reporter artis so and so hambik laki saya. 

Bebaru ni actress tu meng upload la gambo dia kahwin and gegambar private collection as we never seen before on paper or TV. Dia mengenanglah laki dia yg dah aruah tu. 

I don't know about you lah but to me...gegambar camtu buat apa nak tunjuk kat orang yg you tak kenal and on public media? Ofkos la madu ko akan tertengok dan secara tak lansung...akan tersayat gak ati nya...walaupun laki uols tu dah mati. Is a reminder okehhh....yg lakinya kahwin lain. You think it is easy for a wife to see that? Lain lah kalau kau yg dipinang menjadik madu nya. 

Cer ko tgk Zarina Zainuddin....bini no 2 gak..tapi pernah ke ko tengok gegambau manja dia dgn lakinya kat majalah? ( tak tau la kalau ada kann) But for sure...seteruk mana pun her past, she is for one yg pandai jaga boundary nya. 

Jodoh kita dgn siapa...kita tak tahu. Kalau dah kita dipinang dek lakor, maka tu lah dia. Kalau kita tak mau nyusah dikemudian hari...elakkan lah but if tak chenta...and jodoh kuat, nak buat cemana kan?

But...agak agak lah sikit ya. Sedari lah yg ko tu hambik laki orang. Takyah ko nak sama naik meghoyan dgn bini org tu. Dok dendiam dah.

Dan kepada bini pertama...perhaps...belajar lah makna dignified silence sikit. If your husband is as good as a soap scum to you...dia nak kahwin lain...biarlah dia jadi soap scum org lain pulak. U think you meghoyan like that the soap scum is going to be running back to you in a hurry?

Lagi nanti orang kata...ohhh fatut la laki cari lain...ko tgk la bini nya. 

To that felakon...hah..tu lahhh...pi lah lagi tentayang gambo u dgn boipren tak available you tu. Tak pikir ke...perasaan anak bini org tu? Ambik gambo tgk sendiri dah la kannn?

Tata uolsss. 

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Sekadar Nak....Komplen

Hey uols....

Andainya uols terasa dgn apa yang akan I tulis ini...I hanya boleh kata..nasib lah. Remember that we can also give wrong opinion.

I bukannya apa uols..beberapa hari yang lalu...I adalah mangsa serangan kekanak ganas. Tapi tak pelah..I dah memahapkan budak tu...walaupun kalau lah tak mengenangkan betapa kecik nya dia, harus I bagi backhand budak tu.

Kebengangan I juga adalah mahu dilepaskan pada makpak kekanak autistic ni. Dan I juga mewakili ahli-ahli terapi yang bengang juga. Uihh..kami juga bersosialan untuk bertukar-tukar note ye...ngutuks parents.

Ada parents yang...lembek macam lepat pisang yang sokmo mengharapkan youlah membuat keputusan untuk anak nya (dan dia juga) Wahh...ye lah, kita yang sedikit pandai ni, can only membantu apa yang kita tahu. Kita bagi guidelines lah, you buat lah macam ni macam ni..ye ibu bapa weihh. Tak...ni semua kita yang kena buat. Macam lepas tangan pun ada. Serasa macam disuruh buat macam anak sendiri gamak nya. The only thing yang kami rasa nak buat macam anak sendiri is bila nak di lempang budak tu. Hiks.

Paling I bengang sekali ialah...para-para bapak yang lepas tangan dan menyerahkan tugas mencari, menghantar, mengurus anak-anak autistic mereka tu kat bini nya. Ni paling ptuihhh ya! I ada patient yang apak nya hanya tunggu dalam kereta bila anak nya ber terapi.

Selalu yang bergolok bergadai masa ialah mak bebudak tu lah. Cari transport pun dia...kena amik cuti uruskan anak pun dia. Apak nya? Sekadar sperm donor je uols.

Tu belum lagi makpak yang hantar anak gi terapi..dan mengharapkan besok anak nya boleh jadi Harry Potter gamak nya. Dah kalau anak kau sokmo nak mengamuk masa terapi...Gandalf pun boleh mati ye?

Bila dah sokmo mengamuk tu...kita sebagai yang pandai sedikit ni katalah...pergilah jumpa Dr., nanti Dr akan bagi ubat. Seraya aruah Amy Winehouse, mak pak akan kata NO NO NO gitu.

Uols...I have work in this field long enough to know that not every chemical intervention is bad. Apa beza nya uols? Kalau kita sakit kepala, kita makan paracetamol. Kalau kita datang bulan..and to make sure we get through the day tanpa adegan chainsaw massacre dgn collegue yang bermulut laknat, kita makan painkillers, kan?

Untuk anak yang takleh focus, takleh nak control amukan ablasa..apakah salah nya dibagi ubat penenang untuk budak tu dapat sumbat ilmu dalam pala hotak nya. Bukan apa uols..secara logic nya cubalah kita pikir, time kita tgh angin, adakah kita ni dah dengar nasihat? Tak kannn?

So, budak yang tengah kerasukan tu..uols rasa nak ke makan ajar kalau dah keroje nya nak ngamuk aje?

Bila tanya apsal tak nak bagi ubat...katanya takut anak nya jadik Zombie la..tu la..ni lah. Yang best tu, ada yang kata sedara mara dia tak kasik. Nak je I tanya..so masa membuat budak tu dulu, sedara mara kah yang tukang belikan tilam empuk you?

Semuanya pakat dengar cakap orang...yang bukan pakar yakni Dr. Ubat ni kenkadang bukannya kena makan longterm pun. Yang takut anak nya jadik Zombie tu...tah tah budak tu kalau takde Autism, mmg can Zombie perangai nya...so, relakah tengok anak jadi Chucky dari jadik Zombie?

Ada parents yang...dapat consultation from Dr Google. Bila you cakap sikit, she will make reference to Google. Sikit sikit google. Google ni is bila kita nak tambah pengetahuan..bukannya nak diagnose anak ye! Besok kalau budak tu dah berbulu pun masih nak ber pampers, refer lah kat Dr Google ye?

Then...kalau ada orang suggest jumpa PSY...tolong lah jangan ambik hati. Jumpa PSY ni bukannya bermakna anak kita ataupun kita ni punca masalah.  Kan elok kita mencegah tak pun dapat rawatan awal? Kalau anak kita bermasalah...redho aje lah...tolong dia apa yang patut. Jangan dok google google pastu bila google kata, sila makan ubat ajaib dari USA ka Zimbabwe ka..meloncat awak pergi beli.

Pastu...puak-puak yang ber persatuan tu. Bila dia dah beramai-ramai tu...jadi macam satu regime lah pulak. Okay..it is good to have support group..ease up difficulties, share mana-mana ilmu ataupun sumber yang kita rasa elok, tapi tak payah lah nak feeling bagosss just because anak kau Autistic, ko pulak champion that you can know everything. For eg... no you can do that, you do this...because my child dulu pun cam ni camni camni...

Hek elehhh. It may work with anak you and maybe some of anak org lain..but idoklah boleh digunapakai universally ye?

To each its own okayyy?

Sekian. Akhir kata...dengarlah cakap Dr.