Displaced Emotion

Bersawang dah blog ni..hewww hewww hewww..bak kata Faizdickie ....Faiz who? Go follow his IG lah. Kenkadang senak perut membaca..tapi bila lelama..terserlah pulak pesona yang disimpan dalam-dalam yang si empunya diri tu tahu mmg kalau dia jadi dirinya sendiri, sure ramai yng akan baling buah lemon.

Those yang telah bersusah payah cuba menjejak I...through email address orang lain...hiks..sila lah godak page ni, nescaya dapat lah you cari email address I. Kesian tau pegawai negara terhormat tu jadik secretary...jatuh standard nya.

Setakat hari ni aircraft yang tetiba ghaib tu belumlah lagi dijumpai. Macam orang lain...I masih lagi berfeeling Cik Z Sameon..tapi bila dah lama-lama dgn janji janji dan info sesia yang kita tgk kat TV, I pun dah tak tau nak rasa apa.

You know how these media people like to hound the families for news. My opinion aside lah kann...but of course the puak-puak yang kehilangan masa ni lah akan meng erase segala kenangan buruk. If one lost a son walaupun anak nya tu species tanggang, sure omak nya akan meratap hiba dan memberitahu reporter yang anak nya itu adalah anak yang soleh lagi mithali.

But....hmmm....berat sikit lah I nak cakap but I have seen it a lot lah...kepada puak-puak yang di expect untuk mempunyai emosi yang normal i.e. if you have lost a laki in a disaster, orang luar sana akan expect you meraung raung cam kaplam tak pun, trauma bak ayam berak kapur.

But how if...you dgn laki you tu or bini you mempunyai relationship bak Russia dan Ukraine and hanya menungu hayunan parang aje, tup tup laki you mati jatuh longkang...takkan bila reporter Tanya, apa perasaan puan you nak jawab..elok lah mampus, nykit kan ati je klau hidup pun. Tergamak kah mulut eventhough the heart is willing?

Sometime ago.I read about a police officer found dead in his car at some remote R&R. Accidental death lah sebab tido pasang aircon dlm kereta and carbon monoxide dah masuk. He was found dead with a woman who is not the wife. He told wife he was going outstation for work. And this happened. I made assumption of what actually happened, of course sokabar takde lah report lebih2 kann...police officer..pastu zaman tu, reporter bukan macam reporter sekarang, yang benda aib pun nak cerita. With that in mind, I mean..the circumstances of how he had met his death and with whom, maka pastilah reporter berfikir, laki mati satu hal...mati dgn mistress (agaknya) so, lagi mau tanyakah apa perasaan bini aruah nya? No need.

Tu belum lagi anak-anak yang kematian apak or mak yang dia sendiri tak berapa nak...err suka. Of course the community will expect you to love thy parents..warts kurap kayap and all. Mullah mereka memberi kata-kata like, cemana buruk nya mak pak kita, that's our sorgaaaa.

But can you really force a feeling? Somebody I know once told me, she hated her mother. Even when the mother died, she show no emotion..as expected. They had a rough relationship. Both never made an effort. I personally feel that her mother should have tried....because she knew better. If you raised a kid to hate you, that's exactly what you get.

When her mother was critically ill, segala mak nenek asked her to make amends. Dgn linangan ayaq mata lagi suruh dia pergi hadap omak nya sebab takut dia ni masuk neraka. She called me up. I tell her, if going to se her will upset you more, then don't go.

She asked me why I bagi nasihat puaka. I said..if you go...chances are, no amend can be done. You ended up hating your guts for trying. Or, you ended up making peace...both of you, and still you be sad because you will hate yourself for not doing it sooner. I asked her, you want to go? She said no but I just takut tulah. I said to her, if you takut dgn apa orang cakap, then u will still feel like shit bcos u allowed yourself to dengar cakap orang.

She cried when the mother died. She said..she is relieved that...there will be no more hatred. I accompanied her to the kubur. She thanked her for letting her live. That was all.

Sometimes...we just cannot love the person we are suppose to love. Why? Because we can't. With adik beradik...when you are suppose to care with one another. You can do your part, as the loving (much to your kemampuan lah kannn) sibling..but kalau perangai adik beradik you baik sikit je dari beruang lapar, how to have normal emotion to them?

You are suppose to love your parents..dek budi nya membesarkan you and you must be forever debted. Tapi kalau separuh dari hidup you hanyalah sebagai bibik ataupun ATM machine tanpa nak ditanya khabar berita..(people always expect anak to make the move but so should parents, kan?) can you still sayanggggggggg to the melimpah ruah extent?

Sayang lah..tapi sayang takat-takat tuuuu ajelah kan? Relationships is a two way street ye.

Hmmm.....