Mestikah Kita Berpada Bila Berbuat Baik?

Kiah wrote about...well, not specifically but it correlates with karma. Err, shall we call it karma? I ada baca kat tah mana-mana forum ada sorang ni kata karma-karma ni macam takde unsur unsur keislaman. So let's re word it to retribution. You do every good things you can think off tapi kita heran apasal orang tak jugak nak buat baik dengan kita.

Tapi...we focus so much on things that we do, we neglect things that we didn't do. Often yang kita tak buat ni is those benda kecik2 lah..tapi...fuiyooo.

Well...this is about me. I ate the chilli and I will be the one burning. Okay...warning sesiap.

Like Kiah, I have encountered many, many soul yang dah pencen nak buat baik kat orang sebab dirinya selalulah dalam kesusahan. Yang buat sakit ati tu, bila turn you nak mintak tolong kat dia pulak lah yang dia dah buat azam syaitonn cenggitu. Ishh...is it bad timing ke? Why didn't I ask favours sebelum dia kena kapur dengan orang lain?

Sebagai manusia biasa, kadang2 kita ni terikutkan jua hati kita yang kecewa dan dibatu apikan oleh sehtan. Ada orang yang naturally baik hati...apa saja you mintak dia akan usahakan.

For once...I like to think I am in that category. Ohh I can assure you I ada banyak testimoni pasal berbudi kat orang ni. Not that I hope orang balas balik but cukuplah dgn mendoakan yang baik2 untuk diri ni yang sokmo mengurangkan pahala membuat benda-benda mungkar.

But as much as I or kita nak kata, kita tak harap balasan...sebenarnya, kita berharap jua..kalaulah suatu hari kita terpaksa mintak tolong kat orang yang kita pernah tolong tu, tak banyak sikit kita nak kan orang yang sama jugaklah menyampaikan hajat kita...kan Kiah kannn?

 Well, the beauty of the table that when it is turn towards the opposite of your side is that....orang yang you pernah tolong you, haram lah nak menolong you balik.

Some months ago, I was so cut up by this...okaylah..bila nak ingat-ingat balik, ini hal kecik yang mengikut akal orang-orang bijaksana, should passes you by easily. I done favours for this whole lot. Mintak tolong itu, I tunai kan...mintak tolong ini..I tunaikan. Sampai satu ketika...out of many favours I asked, kali tu pulak yang agak penting nya.

I was badly let down. Let down tu okay lagi...in my mind I thought that lot was being disrespectful. I should see it coming. But no...sampai I disindir2 oleh MC dek sukanya buat kebajikan kat orang yang sikit pun takde respek kat I. Suruh beli itu, I belikan...dah beli...kena buat delivery service lagi. Bila dah buat delivery tu patutnya hantarlah I balik rumah ke tak pun bawak lah I minum kopi ke kann? Haram...nak carik kan I teksi pun. Did I get reimbursed on all the money spent buying the stuff? Tak payah tanya lah kann....

Looking at it...mesti I ada buat jahat dgn orang. Well, my work kenkadang made me executing cruel decisions. Family wise...I pun terkenal jugaklah dgn ke laseran tahan pedang saber Hans Solo. Orang yang I rasa buat jahat dgn I tu...err, I ni takdelah nak doa benda buruk2 kat dia..but sebab dia pun dok advertsie nasib malang nya kat FB, maka hati kecik I yang kenkadang ada gak setan bertenggek ada jugak la kata...padan muka kau! Gituh.

In my life..I don't always have it easy. Nak di list kan karang, takut terasa tak bersyukur pulak. But I always wonder why nasib I kenkadang macam berat lah sikit.

I know of this guy yang selalu dikutuk orang keliling sebab tak baik dgn emaknya. People will always point the obvious. Bila orang tu bernasib malang then suara-suara sumbang pun mulalah cakap...dia tu kurang hajar dgn emak nya.

But knowing this guy....being raised by his grandparents made him the way he is. I wrote about some mothers who are not maternal. Fathers too. Pastu, tak bolehlah kita nak salahkan anak tu sebab tak ngam dgn makpak nya kan?

People say...a child should always made the effort. I have been in many counseling session where people talk about their difficulties to fulfill this 'effort'. And when their overall nasib macam tak selalu menyebelahi dia, maka sidia pun berasa depressed lah. Ye lah..people keep on drumming about how you must be this anak-anak yang patuh and hormat ke mak bapak and not knowing the difficulties to love and respect for that person who have been abused as a child through and through.

I was 'denied' a promotion before. Cisss....the amount of effort I put into that work till I lose sight of myself. It took months and months of wallowing self pity and blaming game before I realised why I couldn't have been a better candidate.

I was so unlucky in love. Sob sob sob. The amount of love I invested. Malas tau nak cakap. That's what happened when you deal with people and you have expectations. Not all of us are blessed with the power of control.

Do I want to give up doing good? Just because I don't have it easy should I put people through the same fate?

Was the act of kindness is my way of getting the attention? Yes. I want the people that I help/has helped to know that I am this nice person. Being nice is a good advertisement, kan?

Kiah...who has been supporting me through and through said that I should ask Allah directly for help. For blessings and for everything for I have been let down by people badly.

The amount of emails I sent out..the favours I asked. The numbers of promises I hear. I have now resigned to the fact that I have no art in asking.

Yes, I now ask from god directly. In between...I ask my mother to pray for me...because I know her prayers works for me (walaupun aku ni tak lah rajin telepon dia..)

The message I am sending out..kepada yang menulis kat saya kata betapa despondent nya rasa...insya allah. Continue to do good. One way or another..the good thing will be finding its way to you.