Di Dalam Emosi Ini

You know..a counselor is not suppose to spill the beans tau, walaupun kenkadang benda yang di confide kat you tu adalah modal gelak ketawa pecah perut. 

But, kalau ada niat..benda yang baik haruslah dikongsi untuk kesejahteraan ummah..tak apalah kann? As long as kita protect identity nya, kan Kiah? Apasal Kiah selalu di enterframe kan dalam posting I ni?

Well, digress sikit..Kiah suka kata I ni kurang menunjukkan kasih sayang kat dia. Kalau dia bagi I barang..katanya I macam emotionless. Susah tau pompuan yang sorang tu..semanjang mintak attention aje. Tu hari masa kitorang membuat dating plan ke Rumah Tasputra Perkim tu, dia dah pesan yang dia ada barang nak bagi kat I so sila tunjukkan minat mendalam supaya dia tu rasa dihargai. I can't remember if I did tunjukkan aksi-aksi pelik sebagai tanda terima kasih but..I did a sprint sambil lompat-lompat dgn excited nya nampak kereta merah yang tersangkut dalam jam depan bangunan BSN depan KLCC tu. Yes..I ran from KLCC building into the arms of kereta Kiah. Cukup lah kann...tak kan kau nak french kiss pulak?

Common thing orang selalu bawak masuk dalam counselling room ialah masalah relationship. So, perhubungan sesama manusia ni adalah masalah besar dalam hidup sebab sokmo, itu ajelah yang dijadikan alasan for anything that is bad in your life.

Wuishh..mulut ku ni kenkadang cam lahanat kenkadang.

Bila kita ada attitude problem mega, siasat-punya-siasat, hati ke hati punya talk...sipolan mulalah cakap..err sebenarnya saya jadik cenggini sebab saya tak happy so and so...dgn mak saya lah..dgn pak saya lah..dgn kucing kuning sebelah rumah saya lah.

But please don't read this wrong...not all of us are blessed with hubungan harmoni anak-mak-anak-bapak etc etc.

It is always easy to fall back on childhood to start looking for the roots of our 'unexplained' issue. Dah tu..apa lagi nak di investigate, kan?

Ada yang berproblem dgn makpak nya sedari kecik. Bila dia dah besar berbulu, maka issue nya tu macam dah dikitar semula gitu. Bapaknya dedolu not so 'fatherly' maka dia pun tak reti lah nak jadi 'fatherly' kat anak nya.

It is so easy to judge, I tell you. I ni dok pikir lah..sepatutnya kita belajarlah dari pengalaman kita. Yes, emosi sure nya akan tercalar sikit dek absent nya kasih sayang but perlukah itu dijadikan alasan untuk segala-galanya?

I know someone yang ada issue dgn omak nya dari dia kecik. Sebagai anak orang melayu ofkos lah dia tu akan disogokkan dgn kata-kata perangsang bangang yg berbunyi..manalah ada mak yg tak sayangkan anak. But truth is...(if this is) mak nya memang lah ada issue. Anak tu dari kecik lah dah terasa hati..tapi...agaknya rezeki mak nya lah, nasib baik anaknya tu tak membesar jadi rebel.

You know, there are mothers who are not maternal. Their kids grow up with frustrated kind of love to their mother. Yes, in some cases their mother inspired them. Nak nak kalau kau dapat mak yang bangsa narcissist nak mampos. U turned out okay and successful and yes, kalau mak kau lemah lembut penyayang cam Latifah Omar, takdenya kau nak jadik tough cookie cam tu.

There are plenty of you good girls and boys out there who can't bear to talk about these bad feelings. Because good children aren't suppose to hate their parents. Parenthood are so sacred that no parents, in the eyes of their children can do wrong.

Kalau nak cakap lebih2 kang..takut pulak jadik batu...kan Kiah. (Kiah lagi...)

Ada pulak anak yang cerita kat I yang dia rasa dirinya hanya disayangi dek makpak nya sebab duit yang dia persembahkan kat mereka. Kecik hati lah jugak..ye lah, penting nya dirimu kerana financial assistance je tapi tak tersebut lah..sebab rasa bersyukur dia dapat hidup sampai sekarang supersede rasa menyampahnya. Untuk memujuk hati yang terluka tu dia katalah..takpalah...I will be rewarded differently.

Oh ya..I too, have issues with my parents. But I doubt they even know there's ever an issue with us. Practical mind will ask...is there any point to get upset and dwell over what's past? No. Unless if you really feel that you have to. But trust me, certain things in life is best left unearthed. You must always remember that not everything is about result. This is not   a journey of projected anger, resentment or rage. This is all about understanding.

Some of us are brave enough to have mustered the nerve to broach the difficult subject to her. I did once, I menyesal lepas tu. Not menyesal because I said what I said but menyesal because I know that what had happened is not entirely her fault. But of course lah kalau mak I tu tough sikit maka tak jadik lah benda yang menyakitkan hati tu.

But...there's things that need to be said too. This is all about taking risk. The risk of upsetting your parents and risk of upsetting any other people in connection to them . Worst of all, you  might ended up upsetting yourself the most. Somehow, after taking the risk (tell them your peace) you might find it easier to move forward.

Ada pulak set-set..yang semua pun tak kena. Problem dgn makpak dia kata bottom line nya. Alasan standard selalunya kurang kasih sayang lah. And you start wondering what sort of kasih sayang these lot is actually lacking. Bila ber problem dgn laki pun cakap cenggitu juga...kurang kasih sayang.

What define 'kasih sayang' lah?

Kadang2 when we focus too much on orang lain lack of 'kasih sayang' to us we forgot that we might be lack of supplying our 'kasih sayang' to others that need it too.

Let's look back. If we kurang 'kasih sayang', what good it do to dwell constantly about it?

I must tell you...people who came in as 'victim' always turned not to be one malah, dia lah yang ber character devious nya. You can only make peace with your troubled past dgn memahami kenapa benda tu berlaku.

There are times..when there are no answers ----ni kes anak yang kena seksa dgn makpak lah. You don't know why...when fathers were supposed to protect but didn't.

What can we do?  A lot actually.

You can..use this issue at your advantage. Positive and negative. Positive is when think that you have 'been there' and know how hurtful it was and never want that to happened again.

Negative is when...you use it to gain more and more attention. You went on hurting people (and along the way claimed that you are hurting too) act mercilessly and shift the blame as you see fit. Blame shifting to your lack of kasih sayang from your usual suspect lah.

I said to someone recently, as human with emotions, we don't always know what we want. We think we want our partners. We think we want all the love we can get. We keep saying that we want to be happy. Chances to be happy is somewhere out there if we want and know where to find it. But we don't always get it and..it is very unfair to blame others and ourselves.

Akhir kata....marilah bersama2 join Geng Mak Ngah Kasut Merah.

Stay Tune.