About Me

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Stay Friends

When a younger girl splits from her boipren, is her first thought, we should be friends? Rasanya taklah kot. It is more likely to be Kill The Bastard!

Ideally when we get much older...or demi prestige (what the hell...hati dah patah, masih ke nak berlagak-lagak bagai?) we are hoping to be from partner to pal in the space of 24 hours. I think if you're the one that's doing the dumping job, yeah, senanglah...meh lah kita jadik kawan.

I know someone who after 5 years split up, had an amicable parting and telephone each other regularly including...just to say goodnight kind of call. We thought that this is too good to be true...we asked, are you both really separated? They insisted. Takkan lah nak check sampai ke dalam rumah pulak. They were living apart but it just seemed that they were still relying on each other for day to day feedback and support.

The girl start seeing another man quite shortly after their break up...after 3 months, and they (the exes) had a big row and agreed to stop speaking for a while.

F decided to break up with me early February. Masa baru bergaduh tu, sah lah hati tengah panas and I wasn't thinking much into it. Come to think about it, majority of my friends were quite relieved. From the surface and their perspective, I was the one that been wronged in the relationship. Obviously they made their decision from what they heard from me. Always, always...there's 2 sides of every story.

The first few weeks, we communicated through text messages and email as I need to retrieve my stuff that is still in the house. I gained access at certain time so that we don't bump into each other. I was so sad when I walked in the first time, nothing was moved. Breaking up was never easy. We started speaking nicely after a month and there was a moment that I thought we could get back together judging on how nice we were to each other. Because we have been extra nice on speaking terms, we now get into the situation where questions like 'why didn't you tell me that' starts flying. So much for 'you can do what you like now'.

And this is where advice starts.

Whether you kissed goodbye through the tears or had a shouting match and stomped out, you need to take sometime after the split to sit with your difficult feelings and accept that you haven't got him/her as your lover anymore.You've got some grieving to do, with all the stages of denial, sadness,maki hamun, koyak all the old Valentine's and lovey dovey birthday card and anger that you'd go through after a death. And how can you do that if you keep calling your ex, tanya khabar etc etc.

You can start to formulate the shape of the friendship later, later, later on.

If you're lucky, you ex could indeed be a good friend, as long as you remember certain rules: Don't rely on each other always to be there; give him/her some space; try not to give him/her advice unless dia mintak; don't slag off bf/gf baru dia; deal with your jealousy all by yourself and take the opportunity to dump any negative patterns that made two of you split up in the first place.

We always want to be the mature or the nice one, especially when we are the one who execute the decision...like, I will always be there when you need me. Yo lah tu.

There's even the childish one, who can't take the decision gracefully enough and start updating their Facebook status dengan message-message yang ditujukan kat ex masing-masing. Perlukah ittew?

Some people desperate to stay friends with their ex just because they're racked with guilt. It is good to stay friendly with your enemy but there's plenty people out there and not forgetting that you have some other friends, so losing one is not so bad.

Saya hanya pandai bercakap...but I am very conscious that doing it is not easy. Especially that person played a big part in your life for such a long time.


captlukman said...

kenapakah citer ni lebih kukrang sama dgn kisah ku jua????? sedihnyaaaaa

Desert Rose said...


Adakalanya cinta tak semestinya bersatu....(ha sila muntah darah)

nbns said...


Kalo wa, takde nak kawan2 lagi dah. Nak2 pulak dah keluar ayat2 puaka lagi jembalang.

Wa mmg kejam, sekali dah tak suka, nama pun tak hingin nak tgk/dgr.


p/s : Tp kan makji, yg maha pelik, nama siamangkuk tu tak pulak wa dilit. Nape ek??????????????

:) said...

The emotions that we invest in relationships makes having a normal friendship after the breakup almost impossible...

achikla said...

just broke up last wk. my bf yang decide nak tendang me. so right now dont feel nak stay friends pun. rasa nak carut2 je tak abis nih.

anyway, thanks makji for your entry. it made me feel much better.