About Me

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Bila Hati Dah Patah...

***Cerita ni ada kena-mengena dengan orang hidup and orang yang dah mati***

I was reading the Sun newspaper today...(alaa...suratkhabar yang ada model Page 3 tu la..semua pompuan pakat-pakat tunjuk blow up breast masing-masing tu) Tah macam mana, tiba-tiba hati tergerak nak baca the Dear Deirdre column tu, yang ala-ala Cik Sri Siantan.Problem mat salleh ni semuanya ganas-ganas belaka,ada affair dengan mak,nenek, makcik or adik kakak girlfriend sendiri lah, affair dengan receptionist or secretary kat opis la...bini jiran sebelah la...selagi ada pompuan/jantan yang sedia rela untuk di kongket semuanya boleh jadi and the day after, mulalah rasa gundah gulana and terus tulis surat kat Deirdre ni.

The problems and questioned asked is all so similar, like whether or not si mangsa penipuan ni patut maafkan and terima balik si pemangsa yang masa kongket tak ingat dunia.I think 8 out of 10 will forgive tapi tak forget and 2 out of 10 will fuck off the relationship for good. The number of people that forgive ni selalunya ramai, chenta lah katakan, walaupun hati membara.The one that fuck off and forget selalunya akan berdepressed lah sepanjang zaman mengenangkan nasib malang, why me? why me?

Sebagai mangsa penipuan kekasih lama yang sangat ku chenta...2 kali pulak tu, this subject remain the hardest for me even offer my opinion, let alone nak advice orang.

The first time, ramai betul yang nasihat supaya lupakanlah si Shamsul tu...ye lah, masa tu I makan pun tak lalu.Friends reckons that it is a clean cut case, he married another woman, good enough reason untuk kau ctrl-alt-del kan from your kepala hotak.But he was my first love, although takdelah perfect nya...and bila pikir2 balik, all the years together, aku ni yang sebenarnya macam a stagnant perigi and he is like a wheeled timba and bebas mengambik air kat perigi-perigi yang lain.

But, trusting my own judgement that I know him too well all our years together, there goes our 2nd attempt together, only to be hit with more heartbreak.

In 35 years, I only ever loved one man...(Raja Nazrin tak kira okay?) he is dead now but towards the end, I know that despite all the penipuan he committed, he still feel the same about me.Things just didn't happen the way we want it.

Ada gak orang tanya, Hjh Esah oii..you dok cakap pasal dia aje, nampak sangat still holding a torch.Jawapannya, memanglah...lampu suluh memanglah dah terpasang since zaman MRSM lagi...ada zaman malapnya...tapi lampu tetap menyala.He was single before his death, which I have known for a while.Kiranya, bolehlah nak mencuba kali ke 3.

I guessed what it is, is whether or not I can live with my conscience, dengan jantan yang kata chenta kat I, tapi dalam chenta-chenta, tergamak sungguh menipu diriku yang suci ni.Ciss!!!

You often read about a person emotional struggle, whether or not to give their relationship another go, for the sake of it.This is not something accidental like, Diet Coke kena spike pastu berlaku lah segala perkara yang curang, or secretary super gedik yang jenis will come on to your husband gila-gila punya.You are able to consent an affair, be it emotionally or sexually.So, sudah-sudahlah nak bagi alasan 'I don't mean it like that'.You damn right know what it mean or what it can lead to in the first place.

Understandably, we can't cope with loss.Especially if its orchestrated.It makes it harder.I think, the moment we realise that is not quite right and we started to fell different about it, as a human, we should really start grieving.Part of the grieving process is saying things that you've never said.

When Shamsul cheated on me the first time, I know I can no longer feel the same about him.I just follow my heart because I loved him.I have another lifeline when I agreed to have a second go with him.That in some weird way made it bearable.

My current partner knows how much I love my chenta agung.It seems unfair emotionally.But when your heart is shattered, it really takes your feeling to a different place, where love will stay but whether it will be strong enough to withstand the complexity of the relationship,only your heart will tell.

Susah...bila hati dah patah ni.

7 comments:

:: cheezzy cheese :: said...

shamsul?? waaaaaa chenta lama.. tp ko mmg tak nk kalah kn? tetap nk Raja Nazrin gittew... nok, cite ni xde kena mgena dgn idup or yg mati, abis tu psal sape ek? antu kaa? oppss..

captainlukman said...

makji,

chenta agung itukan masakan dpt dilupakan...dik jua begitu esp kalau balik KL**perlu ke ni nak sedey2 bagai tgk tempat berchenta dulu??**, anyway byk mana yg dtg pun...tetaplah yg lama itu bersarang n cant be removed....ana pun tataw nak buat camana.

Roti Kacang Merah said...

that second last para -- ohhh tersangatlah betowl, ohhh.

Belladonna said...

Esah, now I know kenapa last year laki aku sibuk nak request ko bawa balik satu copy The Sun.. nanti dia!

OOD said...

aawww...
sudah sudah lah tu dagho..
hibo donga/baco.
tibo ghaso sodeh tu, kau bawak2 lah mnjahit baju ko, monyulam padi ko...

yo, sapulah air matamu

Manal said...

Nak I nyanyikan u lagu It's Too late ka? I can sing, u know...guarantee not some simon cowell reject type (plus he likes ample bosoms like mine...heheh...haros kan cakap?)

Hjh Esah Jolie said...

Hamboii Yanz..ni dah 2nd time tak memahami karangan ye...Ni cerita ADA kena mengena dgn orang hidup (aku) and orang mati (ex bf ku) Whether or not dia dah jadi antu..tuhan ajelah yang tau..but semalam, aku tidur kena himpit taw..sapalah yang ngimpit tu...

Lokmang..mung skang ni dah KUL sokmo..haruslah tak lama lagi kembali terjaling kan? Hati-hati noh...orang mcm kita ni vulnerable...harus ngikut ati lagi ni...

RKM, harus!!!!!

A'ah..dia misti nak tengok blow up boobs tu..takpe, nanti aku beli Daily Sports tuk dia...tengoklah tetek plastik tu puas-puas!!!

Apo? Menyulam padi? Kek mano? Delta Irrawady pun dah tengolam!!!

hahaha...Kau syok kat Simon Cowell ke, manal oiii?